Jan Brady
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Quotes for
Jan Brady (Character)
from The Brady Bunch Movie (1995)

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The Brady Bunch Movie (1995)
Jan Brady: Marcia did it again. Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

Jan Brady: [in her head] Let's knock over a 7-Eleven!

Jan Brady: [suggesting a way to raise money] I saw a sign at school today for a Search For The Stars contest. First prize is exactly twenty thousand dollars.
Marcia Brady: Oh sure Jan, like we'd really win.

Marcia Brady: [suggesting a way to raise money] I've got it! We could enter that Search For The Stars contest! First prize is twenty thousand dollars!
Greg Brady: That's a great idea, Marcia!
Bobby Brady: Great idea, Marcia!
Jan Brady: Am I invisible? Do I not have a voice? I had that idea two days ago!
Peter Brady: [disgusted] Oh come on, Jan.

Peter Brady: If Mom and Dad have to sell the house, we'll have to move.
Bobby Brady: Go to a new school.
Jan Brady: Make new friends.
Marcia Brady: But Jan, you don't have any friends.

Jan Brady: [her inner voice] She has every right to be mad; they are her socks. But why does Marcia get all the socks? Why does Marcia get all the trophies? Why does Marcia get all the good drawers?
[out loud]
Jan Brady: Yeah, why does Marcia get everything? Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

Jan Brady: [her demonic inner voices] Watch my head spin! Kill! Kill! Kill!
[out loud]
Jan Brady: No, stop it! I can't take it anymore!
[her demonic inner voices]
Jan Brady: Ah, shut up you loser!
Grandma: Jan, cut the crap!
Jan Brady: They're gone! Thank you Grandma!

Marcia Brady: [in Jan's thought] But Jan, you don't have friends. You're just jealous Jan.
[Jan wakes up, holds a pair of scissors like a knife, and starts to cut Marcia's hair]
Cindy Brady: Jan, what are you doing?
Jan Brady: Go back to sleep Cindy!
Cindy Brady: Jan don't. Marcia's hair is so beautiful.
Jan Brady: Exactly. That's why I'm gonna make alot of money when I sell it.
[Jan continues to cut Marcia's hair]
Jan Brady: [laughs psychotically]
Cindy Brady: [Screams]
[Carol and Alice come into the room]
Carol Brady: Jan, what are you doing?
[Marcia's got a new hairdo]
Carol Brady: Oh Marcia, I love your hair!
Alice: What a groovy hairdo!
Cindy Brady: Oh, you're so beautiful!
Jan Brady: No! She was supposed to look bad! No! No!
[Jan wakes up]
Jan Brady: What a horrible dream.

Trucker: Sounds like some family misses someone they love very much.
Jan Brady: I don't have a family!
Trucker: Oh, no family. You know, sometimes I'm out here working the graveyard shift, and, I can't help thinking what might have been. If I had settled down early and had kids. Three boys, three girls. Ah, but then a little voice in my head says "are you kidding? They'd probably just treat you like a maid."
[Offering a cup to her]
Trucker: You want some of this, Jan?
Jan Brady: No thanks. You have a little voice in your head, too?
Trucker: Oh, honey, when you're on the road as long as I am, you've gotta talk to somebody.

Noreen: Hey Marcia.
Jan Brady: I'm not Marcia. I'm Jan.

Greg Brady: And that's why I called this meeting.
Marcia Brady: Greg, what are we going to do?
Peter Brady: Yeah, if we don't raise $20,000 in one week, we'll have to move.
Bobby Brady: And go to a new school.
Jan Brady: And make new friends.
Marcia Brady: But Jan, you don't have any friends.

"The Brady Bunch Variety Hour: Pilot (#1.0)" (1976)
Jan Brady: Oh, why can't I be dead?
Marcia Brady: Yeah! Why can't Jan be dead?

Jan Brady: It's all going wrong! Why couldn't I have been one of the Waltons?

[a "Now Serving #27" sign descends from the ceiling]
Carol Brady: With eight Bradys, this is the only fair way to decide who eats first, who talks first or who gets the bathroom.
Jan Brady: Mother, how could you? Now everybody knows!
Bobby Brady: My sister Jan doesn't want anyone to know we even have a bathroom.
Greg Brady: You know, actually in our old house, we didn't.

A Very Brady Sequel (1996)
Marcia Brady: I'm so happy for you, Jan.
Jan Brady: Really, Marcia?
Marcia Brady: No.
[Jan looks disappointed]
Marcia Brady: Jan, of course I am!

Jan Brady: His name is George.
Marcia Brady: George what?
Jan Brady: George, uhhh Tropicana!
Carol Brady: Oh, that's nice. Is he Cuban?

[all the Brady kids and Alice are tied together by a staircase from Roy Martin, who left and kidnapped mom, they all think in their heads]
Bobby Brady: If I had been a better detective, I would've been on Mr. Martin sooner. This is all my fault.
Cindy Brady: If I wasn't too busy looking for my doll, I would've seen something suspicious. This is all my fault.
Kitty Carry-all: I bet he wouldn't have tied me up if I was Barbie. This is all my fault.
Peter Brady: What a dumb-head I am. I guess Roy was not much of a hero after all. This is all my fault.
Alice: I must've not put enough mushrooms in his spaghetti sauce. This is all my fault.
Greg Brady: Marcia looks great in those ropes... Wait a minute, what am I saying? This is all my fault!
Jan Brady: It was wrong to make up George Glass. This is all my fault!
Marcia: This is all Jan's fault.

"The Brady Bunch: To Move or Not to Move (#1.23)" (1970)
Jan Brady: It gives me a funny feeling to think about someone else in our room, even though it hasn't been our room very long.
Marcia Brady: It does sort of, I wonder if it'll miss us?
Cindy Brady: I feel sorry for it.
Marcia Brady: Don't, some nice girls will move in.
Cindy Brady: What if it's a mean old man?

Cindy Brady: She means we'll feel like orphans.
Marcia Brady: Orphans don't have mothers and fathers, not brothers.
Cindy Brady: Then what are you when you don't have brothers?
Jan Brady: Lonesome.

"Robot Chicken: Suck It (#2.1)" (2006)
Jan Brady: Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! How come she gets blown up, and I don't?
[Mike throws a grenade at her]

Greg Brady: Damn you, tiki idol!

"The Brady Bunch: Juliet Is the Sun (#3.7)" (1971)
Peter Brady: "Hark!"
Jan Brady: "Who goes there?"

"The Brady Bunch: Will the Real Jan Brady Please Stand Up? (#2.15)" (1971)
Cindy Brady: Jan, what happened? The top of your head turned black.
Jan Brady: Don't be silly, it's a wig.
Marcia Brady: Where did you get that?
Jan Brady: Oh, I bought it this morning. What do you think?
Marcia Brady: Jan, I think it looks awful.
Jan Brady: Who asked for your opinion?

"The Brady Bunch: Her Sister's Shadow (#3.10)" (1971)
Jan Brady: Well all I hear all day long at school is how great Marcia is at this or how wonderful Marcia did that, Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

"Family Guy: Death Has a Shadow (#1.1)" (1999)
Jan Brady: Mom, Dad, I found cigarettes in Greg's jacket.
Mike Brady: Greg were you smoking cigarettes?
Greg Brady: No dad.
Mike Brady: Well he's lying. There's no doubt about that. Greg I'm afraid your punishment will be 4 hours in the snake pit. Maybe that will give you some time to think about what you have done.
Jan Brady: That will teach him.
Mike Brady: And Jan I'm afraid you have earned a day in the chamber of fire for tattling on your brother.
Lois Griffin: Uch, smoking! How does a boy like that turn out so wrong.
Peter Griffin: Well, they live in a crummy neighborhood.
Brian Griffin: The Bradys?
Peter Griffin: Oh, yeah, they got robbers, thugs, drug dealers, aw, you name it.
Black Woman: [appearing at the window with a plate full of pancakes] You folks want some pancakes?
Peter Griffin: No, thank you.
[to his family]
Peter Griffin: See, that's the worst we got is Jemima's Witnesses.

"The Brady Bunch: The Liberation of Marcia Brady (#2.19)" (1971)
Cindy Brady: I still don't see why we all can't go.
Carol Brady: Honey, the initiation ceremony is just for the Frontier Scouts.
Jan Brady: But this is a big victory for us girls. From now on, we'll be treated the same as boys.
Alice Nelson: At your age, that's victory. At mine it's defeat.

"The Brady Bunch: Katchoo (#1.5)" (1969)
Carol Brady: Stick out your tongue, let me check your throat.
Jan Brady: Oh mother, you've already checked it six thousand times.
Carol Brady: Well this will make six thousand and one.

"The Brady Bunch: Amateur Nite (#4.16)" (1973)
[Jan Brady, was at the jewelry store, looking over the the silver platter, verbally read it]
Jan Brady: Mom And Dad, Happy Anniversary, All Our Love, Greg, Marcia, Peter, Jan, Bobby and Cindy.

"The Brady Bunch: The Tattle-Tale (#2.10)" (1970)
Jan Brady: Marcia, what are the seven wonders of the world?
Marcia Brady: Seven wonders?
Jan Brady: I've got six so far.
Jan Brady: [as Cindy walks into the room glumly] What's the matter?
Marcia Brady: What happened downstairs?
Cindy Brady: [sadly] Can't tell you. It's tattling.
Marcia Brady: If Cindy won't tattle, there's your seventh wonder.

"The Brady Bunch: Top Secret (#5.19)" (1974)
Marcia Brady: [excitedly] It looks like Sam is finally going to ask her to marry him.
Cindy Brady: That's great!
Jan Brady: That's fantastic. How do you know?
Cindy Brady: Did Sam say so?
Marcia Brady: He didn't have to.
Jan Brady: Did Alice say so?
Marcia Brady: She didn't have to.
Cindy Brady: Did Mom say so?
Marcia Brady: She didn't have to either.
Jan Brady: Then who told you they were getting married?
Marcia Brady: [excitedly] Nobody!
Jan Brady: That's good enough for me.
Cindy Brady: Me too!

"The Brady Bunch: Jan, the Only Child (#4.8)" (1972)
Jan Brady: How come everybody is so nice to me all of a sudden?
Cindy Brady: Cause we're supposed to be.
Jan Brady: What do you mean 'supposed to be'?
Cindy Brady: We're supposed to be nice to you until you get over your problem. Then we can forget about you again.

A Very Brady Christmas (1988) (TV)
[Jan has put a blanket over Philip after he fell asleep in a chair]
Phillip Covington III: Thanks.
Jan Brady Covington: It's okay. I'm used to it.
Phillip Covington III: What do you mean?
Jan Brady Covington: You used to fall asleep in the strangest places, while doing research or grading papers.
Phillip Covington III: [surprised] And you'd cover me?
Jan Brady Covington: Did you think there was a blanket fairy?
Phillip Covington III: I don't know, I guess I never really thought about it.
Jan Brady Covington: [bitterly] I know.