Matt Helm
Quicklinks
Top Links
main detailsbiographyby votesphoto galleryquotes
Filmographies
by yearby typeby ratingsby votesby TV seriesby genreby keyword
Biographical
biography
Did You Know?
photo galleryquotes

Quotes for
Matt Helm (Character)
from The Wrecking Crew (1968)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
The Ambushers (1967)
[Matt is shown a new weapon which gives a whole new meaning to the term "bullet bra"]
Linda: It's not a gun, Mr. Helm. It's the new weapon they gave me, developed right here in our labs.
Matt Helm: Developed pretty well, too!
Linda: May I point out...
Matt Helm: You already do!
Linda: ...that that's why you're here. To become familiar with our latest equipment.
Matt Helm: You right. An agent should always keep *abreast* of the times!

[Matt and Sheila are hiding on a mountain-top]
Matt Helm: We have a long wait ahead of us, so let's get comfortable.
[lies down on his back]
Sheila Sommers: [lying down on top of Matt] How comfortable?
Matt Helm: It's broad daylight!
Sheila Sommers: What's the matter with a broad in the daylight?

Jose Ortega: [toasting] Cheers!
Francesca Madeiros: [also toasting] Skol!
Matt Helm: Sure it's cold. It's got ice in it.

[a new female recruit gets turned on by Frank Sinatra's "Strangers in the Night" playing in the background]
Matt Helm: You really like Perry Como that much?

Francesca Madeiros: How about a good luck kiss?
Matt Helm: Well, I am superstitious myself.

MacDonald: Have you ever seen a flying saucer?
Matt Helm: Is that your way of offering me a drink?

Courier Slaygirl: Long distance call for you, Mr. Helm. Hop aboard.
Courier Slaygirl: [Matt sits himself down on the back of her scooter] I go pretty fast. Better find something to hang on to.
Matt Helm: [Matt knowingly looks at the camera] Crazy.

Quintana: This is our light beer. Care for a taste?
Matt Helm: Oh, I never touch the stuff. Except when I'm working.

Matt Helm: Where are you from?
Francesca Madeiros: The bar.
Matt Helm: The bar...
[laughs]
Matt Helm: I got relatives there.

Matt Helm: [passing each other] Hi!
Francesca Madeiros: A little.

Matt Helm: You drugged me!
Francesca Madeiros: Just in case.
Matt Helm: [getting drowsy] How did you do that?
Francesca Madeiros: Oh, do you like my lipstick, darling? It's a special brand. There's a chemical that penetrates the skin.
Matt Helm: How 'bout your skin?
Francesca Madeiros: I just took the antidote.
[indicating the glass in her hand]

Sheila Sommers: [referring to Francesca] You don't trust her, do you?
Matt Helm: I don't trust any woman.

Matt Helm: [during gunfight] Now I know we're partners. We're trying to kill each other.

Quintana: [struggling to stay afloat in a settling vat] I can't swim!
Matt Helm: Drink yourself to the bottom.

Matt Helm: [referring to Francesca] Don't say it. You may hate her guts, but she's a pro.
Sheila Sommers: Whatever she's pro, I'm anti.
Matt Helm: Come on, Auntie.

Sheila Sommers: Suspenders and a belt?
Matt Helm: Yeah, I have trouble keeping my pants up.

Matt Helm: [to Nassim] May a thousand tigers break every bone in your body.

Matt Helm: What I always wanted, a magic bartender.

Member of firing squad: Silence!
Matt Helm: I believe the expression is, eh, 'Silence, Yankee dog', eh?
Matt Helm: [the guard does not answer] 'Yankee pig'?

Matt Helm: Let Helm put you in the driving seat.

Lovey Kravezit: Mr. Helm, I just this second got here.
[Sees the masseuse]
Lovey Kravezit: Oh, am I interrupting anything?
Matt Helm: No, she's just a masseuse.
Lovey Kravezit: Ah.
[Camera pans to Lovey's mini-dress]
Lovey Kravezit: I think I've got everything you want.
Matt Helm: Yeah!


The Silencers (1966)
[after Gail had splashed water on Matt, she then spills a drink on him after falling over when he's lighting her cigarette]
Gail Hendrix: Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
Matt Helm: Yeah, I know you are.

Matt Helm: I couldn't help noticing, but, these are your clothes?
Barbara: What if they are?
Matt Helm: Oh, I know you have a headache but don't take it out on me, I mean, what should I do with these?
Barbara: [in a breathy voice] Just throw them anywhere. I won't be needing them 'til morning.

Tina aka Cowboy: This is just like old times.
Matt Helm: Yeah, especially with that body on the floor.
[Pointing to Barbara in the background, who has just been shot twice in the back by Tina]
Tina aka Cowboy: What do we do with *her*?
Matt Helm: You put her on ice, let ICE take care of it.
Tina aka Cowboy: And what happens when the maid walks in, in the morning?
Matt Helm: You know, you're right. Let's put her in my bed, so we don't arouse suspicion.
[Matt and Tina start walking towards Barbara's body, cut]

Tina aka Cowboy: [after Matt has a wet first encounter with Gail at the swimming pool] I can't leave you alone for a second, can I?
Matt Helm: Not if you want to keep me dry.
Tina aka Cowboy: [Discussing Gail] Quite a girl.
Matt Helm: That is not a girl, Tina. That's a disaster area.

Gail Hendrix: I want some music.
[Gail turns on car radio, Frank Sinatra's "Come Fly With Me" plays]
Matt Helm: Oh, turn him off, he's terrible!
[Gail changes the station, Dean Martin's "Everybody Loves Somebody" plays]
Matt Helm: Now that's a guy that can sing!

Matt Helm: The soap, please, Miss Kravezit.

Matt Helm: [picking up the phone] Wrong hacienda.

Matt Helm: Don't you think we should be introduced first?
Barbara: You're Matt Helm.
Matt Helm: Good enough for me.

Matt Helm: But I've been on leave from I.C.E. for a long time. As far as I'm concerned, I am out of it.
Tina: [pouring herself a drink] You're never out of Ice.

Tina: [concerned about a sniper outside] But what happens if he hits the gas tank?
Matt Helm: Smokey the Bear won't like it. Get in.

Tina: Are you on a vacation?
Gail Hendrix: Oh well, eh, I was on a tour, a sight-seeing tour. But eh, the man in charge of our group kept taking me places that weren't in the brochure.
Matt Helm: Where was that?
Gail Hendrix: His room.

Matt Helm: [to Tina] Making love to you is like playing Russian Roulette.

Gail Hendrix: Mr. Helm, now do I look like an enemy agent?
Matt Helm: Well I dunno, I haven't seen the latest models yet.

Gail Hendrix: You undressed me once and I didn't like it.
Matt Helm: Now you're confusing romance with first aid.

Matt Helm: My name is Chump. Matt Chump.

Tina: [trying to get Matt to switch sides] You'll just die...
Matt Helm: Not in your bed.
Tina: What better place is there?

Matt Helm: Well, they finally figured out how to get blood out of a stone...

Matt Helm: [to Gail] You know, if you were an Indian, Custer would still be alive.

Barbara: What's in Acapulco that you can't find here?
Matt Helm: Mexicans.


Murderers' Row (1966)
Matt Helm aka Jim Peters: [as Matt Helm and Suzie are being shot at by French cops] That's the French for you. They don't think any girl is innocent.

Suzie Solaris: [as they're being picked up by helicopter, Suzie pulls down Matt's pants to reveal his shorts] Polka dot shorts?
Matt Helm aka Jim Peters: It's the only way to fly.

Matt Helm aka Jim Peters: [after a bomb has blown up near a picture of Frank Sinatra] Sorry Frank.

Julian Wall: Men of good will have done a perfectly dreadful job of running the world. Perhaps it's time for a change. Admit it, I can't do much worse.
Matt Helm aka Jim Peters: Oh, I think you can. I have faith in you.

Matt Helm aka Jim Peters: [under arrest by the French police] Now, wait just a doggone minute. I have some rights, too. I'm an American citizen.
Police Capt. Deveraux: We will play the Star-Spangled Banner while you are in the electric chair.
Matt Helm aka Jim Peters: Ahhhh - then I have to stand up!

Slaygirl: We're here if you need us.
Matt Helm aka Jim Peters: I got the wife with me!

Matt Helm: [shooting part of a spread for Slaymate magazine] I want to catch you right near Duluth.
Miss January: Why, that's my best feature!

Miss January: Well what shall I do with the costume?
Matt Helm: Drop it in the ashtray.

Matt Helm aka Jim Peters: This is dancing?
Suzie Solaris: It's called a discotheque. You want to try?
Matt Helm aka Jim Peters: Well, I don't disc...

Matt Helm aka Jim Peters: [having dispatched of Ironhead] I hate a guy that wears jewelry.

Billy Orcutt: I demand an explanation. What is the meaning of this nocturnal assignation?
Matt Helm aka Jim Peters: Is he rehearsing for a play?

Julian Wall: Now can you give me one good reason why I shouldn't drop you to the ground?
Matt Helm aka Jim Peters: Certainly, I'll get killed.

Matt Helm aka Jim Peters: Just remember, Suzie, nobody dies for nothing. Not me, not your father, nobody.

Matt Helm: What a way to finish. For a guy that drank booze all his life to end up like a milkshake.

Suzie Solaris: He's yawing!
Matt Helm: I don't feel so good myself.

Matt Helm: [Suzie is kissing his face all over] Easy, I get a little ticklish west of the Mississippi.

Matt Helm aka Jim Peters: [to Ironhead] "Crazy fraternity ring. What? Phi Beta Ripper or something?"

Matt Helm aka Jim Peters: Cuckoo.
Coco Duquette: Coco.
Matt Helm aka Jim Peters: Crazy.
Coco Duquette: Sometimes.


The Wrecking Crew (1968)
Lola Medina: I've heard that you do... drink.
Matt Helm: Just call it a hobby.

Count Massimo Contini: Actually, I would have preferred to live in a different century, Florence in the 13th or Germany in the 18th. Wouldn't you, Mr. Helm?
Matt Helm: No, it'd be all wrong. I'd be dead by now.

Freya Carlson: [After falling into a deep pond] It's too deep.
Matt Helm: Too deep, huh?
[She nods]
Matt Helm: I wanna ask you a question. Whose side are you on?
Freya Carlson: Well, I'm an agent. And I also happen to be a good one. And I'm also a woman!
[She storms away]
Matt Helm: It *was* the wig.

Matt Helm: [to the tune of 'The Sunny Side of the Street'] Grab your coat, get your pale, let me take you in the barn, dear. Just sit back and watch, 'cause I found a cow who gives scotch.

'Mac' MacDonald: [showing a new explosive device] It's so new we don't even have a name for it yet.
Matt Helm: [throws the handkerchief to a safe distance, where it explodes upon hitting the ground] Why don't we call it a little bit of hanky panky?

Matt Helm: Half a bottle is better than none.

Count Massimo Contini: In our civilized business, this is the traditional time to offer you a cigarette or some liquid refreshment, perhaps. But since we are professional people on limiting time schedules, I suggest that we dispense with such amenities.
Matt Helm: Oh, no, let's not dispense with any of those things.

Matt Helm: [Freya has pushed Lenka into the pool] What made you think she could swim?
Freya Carlson: That was the only way to find out, right?

Yu-Rang: Mr. Helm? Yu-Rang.
Matt Helm: No I didn't. But since you're here, why don't you sit down?

Matt Helm: [to Freya] I don't know what you got, but you sure got bad timing.

Matt Helm: Wanna do me a favor?
Freya Carlson: Yes sir.
Matt Helm: Go play in the freeway.
[turns to leave but turns back]
Matt Helm: Without a car!

Matt Helm: [to the tune of 'Cry'] If your sweetheart puts a pistol in her bed, you'd do better sleeping with your uncle Fred...

Matt Helm: So this is the place I was gonna get shot in the back. Kind of a stylish pad to take off from.

Matt Helm: Well, I'm supposed to meet Linka tonight and they've set me up for a hit. But I'm gonnna shock her out of her miniskirt.

Freya Carlson: It just so happens that I know where Yu-Rang hangs her kimono.
Matt Helm: I'll bet you do.

Freya Carlson: [their car is a wreck] Mr. Helm, I'm afraid the car is broken.
Matt Helm: The car is broken?
Freya Carlson: Yes.
[reaches inside the wreckage]
Freya Carlson: Oh! My hat! My hat's ok.