Olive Snook
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Quotes for
Olive Snook (Character)
from "Pushing Daisies" (2007)

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"Pushing Daisies: Girth (#1.5)" (2007)
Olive Snook: Ned hates Halloween, you know. Makes him moodier than a pumpkin full of PMS.

Mamma Jacobs: My point was that, I have made peace with Johnny's death. It wasn't easy at first but knowing that it was an accident, and that you stayed single, and that all the rest of them are drunks, it made it a little easier.
Olive Snook: How do you know I'm still single?
Mamma Jacobs: Well, you wouldn't need all that bait if your belly were full of fish dear.

Olive Snook: John Joseph, you look gruh-ate!
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: And you beat death! You're alive!
Olive Snook, Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Yay!

Olive Snook: [about Mamma Jacobs' house] Hansel and Gretel would've lived a lot longer if they had to find this dump.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Hansel and Gretel lived, by the way, once they tricked the witch into the oven, they stole her jewels, went home with their father, only to discover that their stepmother, who had sent them into the woods had died of evilness.
Emerson Cod: You can't die of evilness.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Happens all the time you do something mean or hurtful to someone like tell a secret... Bang! You're dead.
Olive Snook: Or Bang! You're not really dead you're just pretending to be dead while other people who think you're dead are heartbroken.
Emerson Cod: Or Bang! You talk too much and you both go wait in the car.

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: So I guess you delivered some pies to my aunts.
Olive Snook: Yeah, they're sweet. Probably would be a lot sweeter if they didn't think you were... murdered.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Did you tell them I was alive?
Olive Snook: Kinda think that would make their little heads explode. What was that rhyme?
[in a singsong tone]
Olive Snook: "I scream, you scream, we all scream 'cause you faked your death!"

[Mamma Jacobs is after them and Chuck just fell]
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Run! Save yourself!
Olive Snook: No, no! She's after me, not you. Tell Ned I love... his pies!
[Olive runs away to lure Mamma Jacobs her way to save Chuck]

Olive Snook: Yesterday, a farrier named Lucas Shoemaker was found dead. Trampled.
Emerson Cod: Why should I care about a dude that sells fur coats?
Olive Snook: Not a furrier, a farrier. *Heir*.
Emerson Cod: Fair-rier?
Olive Snook: It's a blacksmith. Puts shoes on horses.
Emerson Cod: Don't try to act like that's a word everybody knows.

Olive Snook: That's the most tragic story I've ever heard. Notwithstanding the big ticket items like genocide and famine, but tragic nonetheless.

Emerson Cod: What did you compete about?
Olive Snook: Promise you won't laugh?
Emerson Cod: NO
Olive Snook: I used to be a professional horse jockey.
Emerson Cod: Hahahaha!
[mimics riding a horse]
Emerson Cod: Hahahaha!

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: What if he changes when his blood sugar drops?
Olive Snook: Like a hypoglycemic werewolf!

Emerson Cod: You can't die of evilness.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Happens all the time you do something mean or hurtful to someone like tell a secret... Bang! You're dead.
Olive Snook: Or Bang! You're not really dead you're just pretending to be dead while other people who think you're dead are heartbroken.
Emerson Cod: Or Bang! You talk too much and you both go wait in the car

Olive Snook: Tell Ned I love... his pies.

Emerson Cod: Where've you been?
Olive Snook: Not important.
Emerson Cod: It's important to me. I missed you.

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: So, does Ned know what you think you know?
Olive Snook: Not yet.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Who does?
Olive Snook: Who knows?

Emerson Cod: Check, please.
[Olive slams two bundles of dollars before him]
Emerson Cod: Or cash. Cash is good.
Olive Snook: I want to hire you. Technically, I already have, since you were so grabby with the cash.
Emerson Cod: Think of it as an escrow - between my thighs.

Olive Snook: Maybe John Joseph faked his death, people do that all the time.
Emerson Cod: No, they don't.
Olive Snook: Yeah, they do. Sometimes they just, don't even try to cover it up. They just show up and ruin your life like no one's ever gonna figure it out. But then, you do figure it out 'cause you're not an idiot. Are you an idiot?
Emerson Cod: No, because an idiot might misunderstand what you're saying and hit you with a shovel.

"Pushing Daisies: The Fun in Funeral (#1.3)" (2007)
Olive Snook: This is a pie-house, not some sort of herbal crack den.

Alfredo Aldarisio: Espresso? Please?
Olive Snook: We have coffee.
Alfredo Aldarisio: You have an espresso machine.
Olive Snook: It's broken. Sits there being pretty, but nobody touches it. Decaf or regular?
Alfredo Aldarisio: No flavors? Hazelnut? French vanilla?
Olive Snook: Why can't sugar be enough?

Olive Snook: Do you want to be a delivery boy, or a delivery man?
Delivery Boy: Boy. You be the man.
Olive Snook: But it's my day off! And I'm a girl!

Olive Snook: S.O.S... oh S. Oh S!

Emerson Cod: That was the Truth Bus.
Olive Snook: That wasn't the Truth Bus. That was the Bitchy Crosstown Express.

Alfredo: Might I make an observation?
Olive Snook: Compliment or criticism?
Alfredo: A neutral thought I would say. It's not a compliment nor critical.
Olive Snook: Neutral thought, gives me pause!
Alfredo: Neutral for this portion of the conversation but I do have a complimentary observation as part of a follow-up discussion, which I intend to headline with an offer to repair your espresso machine.
Olive Snook: What's your neutral thought?
Alfredo: You seem decidedly unhappy.
Olive Snook: I haven't decided that!
Alfredo: No anxieties? Neuroses? Pathologies?
Olive Snook: Garden variety. What are you beating at?
Alfredo: I'm beating at happiness. I've beaten it into submission and bottled it for convenience. It's homeopathic.
Olive Snook: Meaning it deeply relates to gay people.
Alfredo: Gay only in that they are bright, they are happy!

[about Charlotte Charles, who she just found out was not dead]
Olive Snook: I could smell trouble on her like she stepped in it and it stuck to her heel.

Olive Snook: Someone has made you the happy recipients of a pie from The Pie Hole. As in "shut your." Or, in this case, "open your," because it's really good!
Vivian Charles: [thoughtful] Pie Hole... I like it, it's provocative.

Alfredo: It's homeopathic.
Olive Snook: Meaning it only relates to gay people?

Olive Snook: Someone has made you the recipients of a pie from 'The Pie Hole'... as in "shut your", or in this case, "open your" because it's real good.

Olive Snook: Musing on the idea of setting someone on fire doesn't mean you REALLY want to set them on fire, it's just the thought of it that makes you happy. But only for a second, then you feel bad, but that second could be a lot of fun!

"Pushing Daisies: The Norwegians (#2.10)" (2008)
Olive Snook: This gives me pause.
Vivian Charles: A manicure might help.

Olive Snook: I wouldn't turncoat on you. I was working deep cover to dismantle this operation from the inside out. I know they have dirt on you but I don't know what they did to make you look so dirty.
Ned: I got myself dirty.
Olive Snook: Well, allow me to soap up those hard to reach places.

Narrator: Using the Gumshoe skills that made him great, the number one detective in Papen County took the fight to his opponent. His plan was this: asses the true nature of the threat.
[Emerson spies on the Norwegians]
Narrator: Two, find and exploit their weaknesses. And three...
[Emerson spots Olive with the Norwegians]
Olive Snook: Shut your mouth. I can't believe you think my former friends are up to no good too.
Narrator: Oh hell no.

Olive Snook: I'm still mad, so ignore my caring tone, but why are we hiding?

Olive Snook: Did he die of natural causes?
Ned: [in unison with Chuck] Yes.
Olive Snook: Are either of you referring to "murder" as a natural cause?
Ned: We are officially non-referential starting now.

Olive Snook: Then they beat me with a blue-and-yellow sock as they got high on ABBA and tiny little meatballs.
Magnus Olsdatter: [in unison with Nils] Swedes.

"Pushing Daisies: Pie-lette (#1.1)" (2007)
[referring to Chuck]
Olive: Doesn't she look a lot like that dead girl?
Emerson Cod: She looks *exactly* like that dead girl.
Olive: You should take that as a compliment because she was pretty.

Emerson Cod: Sounds like you're a narcoleptic.
Ned: I suffer from sudden and uncontrollable types of deep sleep?
Emerson Cod: What's the other one?
Ned: Necrophiliac.
Emerson Cod: Words that sound alike get mixed up in my head.
Olive: Me, too. I used to think masturbation meant chewing your food.
[awkward silence]
Olive: I don't think that anymore.

[Olive sees Chuck in disguise come out of Ned's apartment and stares at her]
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: I'm a friend of Ned's.
Olive: Does he touch you?

Olive: How was your convention?
Ned: Conventional. How's Digby?
Olive: A little neurotic. He's a very needy dog. Do you pet him? Maybe if you pet him every once in a while, he wouldn't be so neurotic.
Ned: I pet him. I'm allergic, so I don't actually touch him, but I pet him.
Olive: With a stick? How do you *pet* him?
Ned: A stick is involved but it's more like a handle to a p-p-p-petting device.
Olive: Your dog needs to be touched.
Olive: We *all* need to be touched.
Ned: You touch him, other people have touched him.
Olive: [moving Ned's hands to her shoulders] He's your dog. Do you, uh, touch anything?
Ned: Of course. I touch lots of things.
Olive: With affection? When was the last time someone touched you with affection?
Ned: I get touched. Could you get Digby's leash now?
Olive: Hmmmmmmmm...
Ned: [to Digby] You don't mind that I don't touch you, do you?

Olive Snook: A dog needs to be touched. We all need to be touched.

Olive Snook: Our store is called The Pie Hole. As in shut your. Or in this case "Open your" because it's real good.

"Pushing Daisies: Water & Power (#2.12)" (2009)
Olive Snook: Whatidy-what-what?

Olive Snook: I'll be in the kitchen rationalizing my panic attack.

Ned: Maybe bull fighting is the wrong comparison, but it's hard making these things work.
Olive Snook: You're telling me these things are hard to make work? I know that because you taught me!

Olive Snook: Oh, my God... I'm that girl. I'm that girl in high school who's afraid of real relationships, so she's always attracted to guys in college. Or Canada. Or you!

Olive Snook: See, soon I'll be the one lost in some distracty thought, not caring, while you prattle on about your relationship problems.

"Pushing Daisies: Window Dressed to Kill (#2.11)" (2009)
Roy 'Buster' Bustamante: What do we always say about the past?
Olive Snook: It makes an ass out of you and me.

Olive Snook: Oh, no, I'm slipping, I can't hold on much longer! If there's anything you'd like to say to me, now would be the time! And if you could speak in the declarative only, using affirmative or comparative modifiers...

Ned: Olive, who are these guys?
Olive Snook: Who are any of us, really?

Vivian Charles: The news of your engagement has restored in me a faith that true love exists for people who deserve it.
Olive Snook: That's so depressing...

Olive Snook: Listen up! Because I'm only gonna say this once. First and foremost, I'm sorry. Both for what I'm about to tell you and the hysteria with which I'm about to tell it, which is in no way directed at any of you, nor is it related to a female issue of any kind!

"Pushing Daisies: Bitter Sweets (#1.8)" (2007)
Olive Snook, Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Don't mess with the Pie Hos!

Olive Snook: Can I ask you a question? If you loved me...
Alfredo Aldarisio: Yes?
Olive Snook: And we could never, ever, ever touch, wouldn't you eventually get over it and move on letting someone else have the slightest hope that you might move on to them?
Alfredo Aldarisio: If I loved you?
Olive Snook: Yeah.
Alfredo Aldarisio: Then I would love you in any way I could. And if we could not touch, then I would draw strength from your beauty. And if I went blind, then I would fill my soul with the sound of your voice and the contents of your thoughts until the last spark of my love for you lit the shabby darkness of my dying mind.
Olive Snook: Eh, forget it.

Olive Snook: Wouldn't it just rock and roll if liking someone meant they had to like you back? Of course that'd be a different universe and something else would probably suck.

Olive Snook: There's no alarm system. Got a credit card?
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Why? You know how to pick locks?
Olive Snook: No. You're gonna need to pay for the damages.

Olive Snook: Oh, isn't it great we can joke? Now that we that we know that there's nothing going on between us and never was. It can be funny. I bet this sort of thing happens all the time between adults. Mixed romantic messages. In no time we'll be looking back and laugh until we wet the rug. Which we'll then want to shampoo. Couple times. Possibly three, depending on what we were drinking.

"Pushing Daisies: Smell of Success (#1.7)" (2007)
Olive Snook: Don't make me cut a bitch!

Olive Snook: It's from the Pie Hole from across the street, as in Shut your. But one sweet whiff and people usually want to open their...

Olive Snook: No, no. Five fingers. Five toes. Us Snooks are boring that way. I had a cousin with a third nipple. He'd let you see it for a dollar.
Vivian Charles: How fascinating.
Lily Charles: And a bargain, too.

Olive Snook: Look carefully, ladies; this is your future.
Lily Charles: Is it vodka?
Olive Snook: Water.
Lily Charles: As in Russian for vodka?

Anchorwoman: Here with us now is an eyewitness to Oscar Vibenius' attempt on your life earlier today. Sir, tell us what you saw.
Emerson Cod: Good evening, Carol. Let me preface my statement by saying that my name is Emerson Cod, I'm a private investigator: if you need to reach me, my telephone number is Klondike 5-0-1-5-5. I've been investigating the Anita Gray murder. She was taken much too soon...
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: [watching the interview on TV] Get a load of Muggy McHambone.
Olive Snook: Hocking his wares... He just gave out his phone number on national television.

"Pushing Daisies: Dummy (#1.2)" (2007)
Olive Snook: [referring to Ned and Chuck] Do they touch much?
Emerson Cod: Wish they would.

Olive Snook: This isn't Pies "R" Us, Pie City, or Thousands of Pies in One Place. This is a bells-on-the-door, pies-baking, mom-n-pop place. We chit chat here.
[waits a moment for Emerson to say something]
Olive Snook: Chit!
Emerson Cod: [unenthusiastically] Chat?
Olive Snook: You got it.

Ned: Can you help us get out of these body bags?
Olive Snook: Sure.

Olive Snook: So what's the poop?
Emerson Cod: "The poop"?
Olive Snook: Poop. The scoop, the skinny, the haps, the dealio, the 411. PI lingo.
Emerson Cod: Rhubarb.
Olive Snook: What's that mean?
Emerson Cod: PI secret code for "Get me a damn slice of rhubarb."

"Pushing Daisies: Bzzzzzzzzz! (#2.1)" (2008)
Olive Snook: But I like my belongings. That's why they belong to me.

Olive Snook: I spent so much time praying, I've run out of things to say. I'm having awkward silences with God!

Ned: What's gotten into you?
Olive Snook: I'm a sawed off shotgun full of secrets!
Vivian Charles: Did she just say she was armed?

Lily Charles: You know things about me nobody knows. This place knows things about me nobody knows.
Olive Snook: Like that you holidayed here thirty years ago and found a baby in a cabbage patch? And by "cabbage patch" I mean your lady parts.

"Pushing Daisies: Oh Oh Oh... It's Magic (#2.6)" (2008)
Olive Snook: He magically put those tickets in that pie.
Emerson Cod: If by "magically," you mean "made you look that way so you wouldn't see what they were doing this way", then, yes, those tickets alakazammed their way right underneath that delicious flaky crust.
[chuckles falsely, then suddenly serious and blasé]
Emerson Cod: Or: hocus pulled the damn tickets out of his pocket, and pocus slid them under the pie pan, as evidenced by the cherry-rhubarb crumble on his sleeve.

The Great Herrmann: I feel I should hug you. Can I give you a big hug? I'm already hugging, and there's nothing you can do about it.
Olive Snook: I want a hug!
The Great Herrmann: I'm not made of hugs.

Gunther Pinker: So what's our promise to each other?
Olive Snook: Stay calm.
Gunther Pinker: Which means?
Olive Snook: No screaming?
Gunther Pinker: You're wonderful! I can't wait to let you go.

"Pushing Daisies: Corpsicle (#1.9)" (2007)
Olive Snook: After all the commotion, I peeped my peeper out the peephole, saw her get on the elevator and you taking the stairs. Take it you didn't catch her.

Ned: Do you know you have a "tell" when you lie?
Olive Snook: Do I?
Ned: You answer questions with questions.
Olive Snook: Maybe I know I have a tell and I know you know I have a tell and maybe I'm doing it now to confuse you because you don't know what tell I'm telling.

Olive Snook: Boy, it's cold. You know, you could use a witch's bosom as a hot water bottle on a day like today.
Ned: Any sign of Chuck?
Olive Snook: [sigh] ...
[Imitating Ned]
Olive Snook: And how are you today Olive?
[as herself]
Olive Snook: I'm fine, thanks for asking, Ned.
[Imitating Ned]
Olive Snook: That was a funny joke about the witch's bosom, Olive.
[as herself]
Olive Snook: Why thanks, Ned!
[Imitating Ned]
Olive Snook: And I appreciate you using the word "bosom".
[as herself]
Olive Snook: Why Ned, because it's less offensive than other words?
[Imitating Ned]
Olive Snook: No, I just simply like the word bosom. I say it to myself all the time. Bosom, bosom, bosom. I just can't help myself, I'm a bosom-aholic.

"Pushing Daisies: Pigeon (#1.4)" (2007)
Olive Snook: I recently made the acquaintance with a pair of bird lovers, I'll consult them.
Narrator: Olive was referring to Aunts Lily and Vivian.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Really? I used to know a pair of bird lovers!
Narrator: Chuck also referred to Aunts Lily and Vivian.
Olive Snook: Used to? Did they die?
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Death was involved.

Olive Snook: Hey, gang.
Ned: Olive, what are you doing here?
Olive Snook: Pie delivery. Tart apple, I believe.
Narrator: And with those two words, Chuck could already see, her aunts were here.
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Olive?
Olive Snook: If you know what's good for you, and I think you do, you'll give me two minutes.
Emerson Cod: Why?
Ned: What for?
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Okay.
Olive Snook: Goody, then.

Olive Snook: I'm sure it's just the mailman. Or a windmill-to-windmill salesman.

"Pushing Daisies: Robbing Hood (#2.7)" (2008)
Olive Snook: Uh, and what type of duty are you in again? Clergy? Tax services?
Lily Charles: Dwight collects and appraises antiques, which I learned right after he told me he's dating my sister.
Vivian Charles: Lily is naturally suspicious of new liaisons, but I felt compelled to come clean about our relationship. Sneaking around is for politicians in bathroom stalls.
Dwight Dixon: Not for a brisk and bucolic autumn-come-winter afternoon on the park.

Lily Charles: Look at the way he drapes himself all over her. Makes me wanna stick a fork in my eye. I need a drink.
Olive Snook: You're holding one.
Lily Charles: I need a stronger one. And a fork.

Olive Snook: [speaks with a foreign accent] I believe I have the right to a net worth greater than most developing countries without being hounded by sponging ne'er-do-wells and sanctimonious bleeding hearts like yourself. So, unless you stop calling, I will take a tiny fraction of my immense wealth, buy this building, knock it down, and turn it into a glue factory so big, the whole city will be smelling horse.
Tam Phong: If you please leave your number, I'll see to it that nobody calls you again. Psych.
Olive Snook: Did you say "psyyyych"?
Tam Phong: No.
Olive Snook: Good! Because I'm getting on a hovercraft bound for Saint-Tropez early this evening, and I expect it to be dealt with before I return tomorrow. Here is my card.
[throws carelessly and hits Fong's shoulder]

"Pushing Daisies: Comfort Food (#2.8)" (2008)
The Widow Likkin: Now that I have the recipe, that nice donut man and I are gonna go into business together: "Finger-Lickin' Donut Holes".
Ned: Sounds delicious... and filthy!
Olive Snook: America's favorite! You'll make a fortune.

Marianne Marie Beattle: Working awful hard for disappointment over there!
Olive Snook: [addressing Ned, smiling falsely] I'm going to win that blue ribbon, wrap it around her neck, and strangle her with it.

Olive Snook: I know it's a tragedy, obviously, but you know what they say: "When God closes a door, he opens an oven".

"Pushing Daisies: The Legend of Merle McQuoddy (#2.9)" (2008)
Olive Snook: Does she toot glitter?

Emerson Cod: Well, hate to be a bitch, but ain't no way in the world I'm taking this case.
Olive Snook: You think Merle McQuoddy murdered Nora?
Emerson Cod: Merle McQuoddy's ship returned minus a few oars, making it a very easy leap from captain to killer. Nothing this kid had to say makes me think otherwise. Plus, I don't work in the rain.
Ned: Clearly, you don't hate being a bitch that much.

"Pushing Daisies: Dim Sum Lose Some (#2.5)" (2008)
Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: You have the same eyebrows as him!
Olive Snook: They do! They do! I said that twice, once for each of you.

Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: I mean, everyone needs family.
Ned: You're my family.
[to Olive]
Ned: And you, to a slightly lesser degree.
Olive Snook: Thanks, to a slightly lesser degree.

"Pushing Daisies: Bad Habits (#2.3)" (2008)
Olive Snook: Why'd you bring him here when you said you wouldn't?
Emerson Cod: I need pie boy's special skill set, and pie girl comes with pie boy.
Olive Snook: Why isn't pie girl minding The Pie Hole?
Emerson Cod: Because she'd rather be minding his.

"Pushing Daisies: Circus, Circus (#2.2)" (2008)
[talking about the disgusting porridge which is served at the convent]
Olive Snook: I could throw up in my mouth and not even notice.

"Pushing Daisies: Kerplunk (#2.13)" (2009)
[Lily and Vivian are about to go on stage for the come-back performance of the Darling Mermaid Darlings. Lily has a sudden attack of stage fright]
Lily Charles: I'll just sit here and try to concentrate on not throwing up.
Olive Snook: Butterflies making you queasy? What say we drown them with a dip in the Vodka Fountain?
Lily Charles: I *never* drink and dive.

"Pushing Daisies: Bitches (#1.6)" (2007)
Emerson Cod: [about Harold Hundin's four wives] They were all breeders, too.
Olive Snook: They make babies for their polygamy cult?
Emerson Cod: *Dog* breeders.
Olive Snook: They make dogs for their polygamy cult?
Emerson Cod: Ain't nobody making nothing for their polygamy cult.