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: [trying to impress the maid with a joke
] A duck is a chicken with snowshoes. Nancy Drew
: And a halfwit is a person who spends half their time trying to be witty.
: Gosh! I mean GOSH!
] Some day I'm gonna get psychoanalyzed and find out why I'm such a dope.
: [to Nancy
] I can only hope you can keep up with me when I start retreatin'.
Smitty, a Policeman
: Watch your step, lady. Ted Nickerson
: [mumbling while in dress
: Why are there potatoes on the floor? Nancy Drew
: I put them there, that's how I cook potatoes, on the floor.
: [to the telegrapher
] I'm going to give you some advice, mister. If you wanna get rich, stay away from women. I know from experience.
: [referring to their car
] Turn it around! A wise general always leaves the road open for retreat. Don't you know that?
: [to Nancy
] Now, look, will you cut the bubble gum talk and give?
: Ted, I'm positive that the woman who stole the tin can from me yesterday is Soxie's girlfriend. Now all you have to do is get him to tell you her name and where she lives. Ted Nickerson
: Maybe you'd like to know if she's got any bridgework! How will that help? Nancy Drew
: You remember Captain Tweety always said, "Cherchez la femme!" - find the woman! - the only smart thing he ever did say! Ted Nickerson
: Yeah, and he stole that! Nancy Drew
: It's true! You can always get information from women. They just love to talk!
: Ted, why did you have to have a sister? Ted Nickerson
: Ask Ma!
: Ned can I ask you a question? Ned Nickerson
: Mhm. Nancy Drew
: Can you tell when a girl looks at you and is thinking how much she likes you and is wondering if you like her and thinking how important it is for you to say how you feel before she says anything more about how she feels about you or anyone else they might be jealous of because she's already said how she feels how she's said in her own way? Ned Nickerson
: Uh, can you repeat the question?
: There it is. Just like clockwork. Nancy Drew
: What? Ned Nickerson
: Postpartum depression. You're sad the case is over. Nancy Drew
: That's ridiculous. I'm glad it all worked out. Ned Nickerson
: You're only happy when there is trouble. This I know for sure.
: Nickerson men laugh in the face of insecurity.
: Nancy, your newfound buddyship with that batty basement-dweller is freaking me out!
Theodore 'Ted' Nickerson
: What's the matter, the Recession still on?
: You have that 'help people' gene. There's this fire within you. I firmly believe you're going to save the world one day. At times, I worry like crazy. Even if I'm out with my friends, or at a game, or in the middle of class. I've got one hand on my phone, terrified that I might get that call one day. A call that this time you didn't get lucky. And that used to terrify me, but now... I'm not afraid. What I'm trying to say is, I can't imagine life or the world without you. And even though I might get that call someday... I'm not gonna let fear hold me back. I love you Nancy. I love you so much.