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Quotes for
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski (Character)
from "Due South" (1994)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Due South: Spy vs. Spy (#3.8)" (1997)
Constable Benton Fraser: It's sad and pathetic to watch a grown man gloat over besting a dog.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: You have your hobbies. I have mine.

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Are you completely nuts Fraser?
Constable Benton Fraser: No, not completely.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: The guy is a mental patient, Fraser. He picks up taxi calls on a plate in his head.

Constable Benton Fraser: I hope Francesca doesn't mind me using her station.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Yeah, right. She'll never wash the keyboard again.

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Fraser, do you think I'm losing my hair?
Constable Benton Fraser: It's full-bodied and bushy, Ray.

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: [to Fraser as they're standing outside the morgue getting ready to go in] "You lick anything - I mean, ANYTHING, I'm gone!

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: This guy has no labels, so who the hell is he?
Constable Benton Fraser: My guess is, judging by the amount of kasha he has between his teeth, and he arrived in the country today by plane, probably on a Polish or Russian airline. He smokes Russian cigarettes, he has a cyanide cap in his tooth. Some people might conclude, as Mr. Hanrahan does, that he is a Russian spy.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Oh, come on, Fraser! The Russians can't even afford food, let alone spies.
Constable Benton Fraser: Well, people can starve, Ray, but a government can always afford spies.


"Due South: Asylum (#3.9)" (1997)
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: [as he is being frisked] A man with style is a man who can smile.

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: [Turnbull and Stan are watching a curling match on TV] Anything moves that slow is not a sport.
Constable Turnbull: [Annoyed] Not a sport?
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: This is not a sport. It's housework.
Constable Turnbull: It is a calling.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: It may be a pastime, it may even be a hobby, but it is definitely not a sport.
Constable Turnbull: [getting mad over curling being insulted] Do you want to fight?
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Over curling?
Constable Turnbull: Yes, what if I made fun of baseball?
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: All right.

Constable Turnbull: Sir, your presence.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: 'Your presence'? What are you? Like a king or something?
Constable Benton Fraser: To Turnbull, yes.

Constable Turnbull: In Canada, when we wish someone to leave the room, we say 'could you please leave the room?'
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Could you please leave the room.
[beat]
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Before I punch you in the head?

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: [Stan and Fraser, both in red serge are tied to chairs awaiting help] I'm not going to jail. The food, the conversation, the sexual hijinks, I can't handle it.
Constable Benton Fraser: You may not have to, Ray. I think help is on the way.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Oh yeah. In what form?
Constable Benton Fraser: Diefenbaker.

Sandor: I was having a drink the other night with this guy. Definitely an O.C., a big talker, real big mouth, right? He's talking about how Fillion brought him in on this big job. Now here's the kicker - he had this real stinky painting with him. Said Fillion had gave it to him. It was like, a Rottweiler playing poker with his friends or something.
Constable Benton Fraser: Fillion.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Fillion, Herndorff, Cahill, Kilrea. Hey, it's got the makings of a bonspiel...
[freezes and groans]
Constable Benton Fraser: What's wrong?
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: I just made a curling reference. I'm gonna go lie down.


"Due South: Dead Guy Running (#3.11)" (1998)
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Stanley Smith. You're our next contestant on prison life... come on down!

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: [after Stanley tries on Fraser's hat] Hey, what do you think you're doing? The hat's sacred, okay?

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: [Stan suggesting what to do with potential murderer Dinardo] Let's get him in here and mess with his head.

Constable Benton Fraser: [Fraser explains how he got Dinardo to come to the station] I hate to admit it, but I lied to him.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Oh, nothing happened, did it? You weren't struck by lightning, sky didn't fall in?
Constable Benton Fraser: Well, not yet, but it might have. It might well be the start of a slippery slope.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Oh yes, I believe you're going to Hell in a handcart.
Constable Benton Fraser: It's not something to laugh about. I might well be.

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: You, sit there.
Stanley Smith: No, no, no! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Naw, naw, naw, I ain't gonna sit in no room with no dead guy, all right? This is cruel and unusual punishment, okay? This is America, and I know my rights!
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: They always know their rights. What about the rights of the guy with the Mercedes?
Stanley Smith: He don't need no rights! He got a Mercedes!


"Due South: Seeing Is Believing (#3.5)" (1997)
Constable Benton Fraser: Could you elucidate, sir?
Lt. Harding Welsh: No, no. Not since the late sixties.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: That's Canadian for explain.

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Occupational homicide, happens every day.
Lt. Harding Welsh: At the post office, maybe.

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Are you saying both had their hands on the knife?
Lt. Harding Welsh: Who cares? Look, you load a gun, you cock the trigger, you give the gun to Thatcher, she uses it on Fraser. I find out your hand was on the gun, you both go away.
Inspector Margaret Thatcher: I would never shoot a fellow officer.
Lt. Harding Welsh: That's 'cuz you never had Ray working under you. You'd change your tune.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: What?
Lt. Harding Welsh: Hey, I'd shoot you.

Inspector Margaret Thatcher: [Yelling] Fraser!
Constable Benton Fraser: [to Stan] Duty calls.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Bellows, more like.


"Due South: I Coulda Been a Defendant (#3.3)" (1997)
Constable Benton Fraser: [Discussing interrogating Bruce Spender] I'd like to talk to him.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Torture. That's a good idea. I never thought of that.
Constable Benton Fraser: [Annoyed] That's... that's very funny, Ray.

C.A. Elaine Besbriss: Here comes my replacement now.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: [Sees his sister Francesca coming] I'm going to pass a bullet through my brain.

Police Academy Commandant: [a suspect has been arrested during a police school graduation. The Commandant is using this as an example for the new recruits] What do we do after we've controlled a suspect?
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Uh... kick him in the head?

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: [about Fraser's new place to live] Nice place
Constable Benton Fraser: It was Constable Turnbull's, but he decided he didn't need anything quite so fancy.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: So where's he living now, a cardboard box?
Constable Benton Fraser: Mmm-hmm. Rather nice one, though.


"Due South: Mountie on the Bounty: Part 1 (#3.12)" (1998)
Constable Benton Fraser: [Ray is handcuffed to a pipe and Fraser is looking through Ray's pockets trying to find his handcuff keys] Ray, you know, you really should try to keep your things a little more organized.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Look, Fraser, this is the wrong time for advice on neatness.
Constable Benton Fraser: It may be the wrong time for advice, Ray, but it's never the wrong time for neatness.

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: [Stan and Fraser are on top of a warehouse roof and are surrounded. The only way they can escape is to jump a long distance below into water] I can't swim.
Constable Benton Fraser: The quality of the water alone will kill us.

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Does everybody in Canada know everybody?
Constable Benton Fraser: No.

Constable Benton Fraser: [the ship is sinking and Fraser sees fish out of a port window] Would you look at that!
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: It's a fish!
Constable Benton Fraser: It's a sign, Ray.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: It's not a sign, Fraser, it's a fish!
Constable Benton Fraser: Well, it's a trout, actually, which is a sign that the water quality in the Great Lakes is returning to normal.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: It's not a sign, Fraser, it's a fish! That means the boat's sinking, we're dying!
Constable Benton Fraser: [Realizes Ray is right] Well, yes, it's a sign of that too.


"Due South: Burning Down the House (#3.1)" (1997)
Constable Benton Fraser: [goes over to inspect the electrical socket outside the Vecchio home]
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Hey! What are you doin'?
Constable Benton Fraser: [Looks up inquisitively]
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: I don't know where you come from, but I come from this little place called America where we got this big thing called electricity. Word of advice. Your tongue, electricity, not a good mix.

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: [Ray is ostensibly reading from a pamphlet on how to become a Canadian citizen in 10 Easy Steps] Step 1. Get a big hat. Step 2. Lick electrical sockets. Step 3...

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: [the car they are in has exploded and is on fire. The boys take it through a car wash, attempting to extinguish the flames but the car wash only makes it worse] What is this? Some kind of super fire?
Constable Benton Fraser: No. You shouldn't have pressed the hot wax option.

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Geiger?
Constable Benton Fraser: Well, Geiger was an escaped convict sworn to vengeance on a legendary Mountie who bore an uncanny resemblance to the Canadian actor and comedian Leslie Nielsen.
Fraser Sr.: Who has yet to receive the Order of Canada.
Constable Benton Fraser: Long overdue.


"Due South: Mountie and Soul (#3.7)" (1997)
Jack Huey: Oh, Ray! Ray-Ray-Ray-Ray
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: What?
Jack Huey: I need your advice on something.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: What?
Jack Huey: Let's say you knew someone. Maybe even a friend.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Right.
Jack Huey: Hypothetically speaking about it, let's say this friend had an odor.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: What kind of odor?
Jack Huey: Bacon bits and fish.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Oh, you're talking about your stinky partner?
Jack Huey: You noticed too?
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Yeah, what's the question?
Jack Huey: Well, am I obligated to tell him?
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: No! You're obligated to hose him down!

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: You admit that I'm right or I'll pop you in the head.
Constable Benton Fraser: We're now dealing with logic now, are we?

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Those stiffs in the morgue have more curiosity than Mort.

Constable Benton Fraser: [Fraser is attempting to speak in street slang] Well, Ray, the bomb, let's keep it real, 4-1-1 and 'sup.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: What? Fraser, what are you doing?
Constable Benton Fraser: Just getting down with my bad self, house boys.


"Due South: Strange Bedfellows (#3.4)" (1997)
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: [Stan is trying to break up a fight] Chicago PD! The first guy to exercise free speech gets a kick in the head!

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: [after he breaks up a fight between a person working for Orsini and the leader of the building protestors] The Constitution is a piece of paper. A kick in the head is a jolt.

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Come on, Fraser, we don't have time to go sniffing hubcaps.


"Due South: Hunting Season (#4.11)" (1999)
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Fraser, stop. Turn around.
[Fraser turns around and Ray kisses Maggie on a cheek]
Constable Maggie MacKenzie: Turn around again.
[after Fraser turns back to face them]
Constable Benton Fraser: You done?
[after Ray and Maggie kiss]
Constable Maggie MacKenzie: So, if I need help taring the roof of my trailer, will you come?
[walking along with Fraser after Ray departs]
Constable Benton Fraser: Yes.
Constable Maggie MacKenzie: What if my generator breaks down in the middle of the night and I'm cold and lonely, can I call ya?
Constable Benton Fraser: Yes.
Constable Maggie MacKenzie: What if I need advice on some unsolvable case or some elusive criminal?
Constable Benton Fraser: Call me. You know, if you need some advice, um, about a relationship or things of a female nature...
Constable Maggie MacKenzie: Really?
Constable Benton Fraser: Don't call me.

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: You got a thing for her?
Constable Benton Fraser: For Rosey? Oh, for Maggie. It depends of what you mean by 'thing', Ray.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Well, okay, to be honest with you, um... I-I-I got some feelings for her.
Constable Benton Fraser: Then we both have feelings.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: I knew it, I knew it. A great girl comes along, ah, one I can get really close to, and you're after her like a mad rabit Canadian dog.
Constable Benton Fraser: Ray, Maggie and I both have a lot in common.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Yeah, you're both Canadian and you're both kind of odd.
Constable Benton Fraser: I do feel oddly comfortable with her.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Oddly comfortable? That's great - love Canadian style.
Constable Benton Fraser: You know, she might prefer you.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Oh, yeah, she's not going to go for the good-looking freak who speaks the same language, she's going to go for the Chicago flat-floot with the experimental hair.

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: You know the funny thing: I have never met a Mountie girl before.
[speaking to MAggie]
Constable Benton Fraser: What about inspector Thatcher?
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: What about her?


"Due South: The Bounty Hunter (#3.6)" (1997)
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: [about Janet's kids] Those kids are immature.
Constable Benton Fraser: Well, they're children, Ray.

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: [to Janet and Fraser] Listen to you two. You need professional help.
Constable Benton Fraser: Psychiatric?
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: No, cop help.


"Due South: Perfect Strangers (#3.10)" (1997)
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: [Referring to being in Toronto where the RCMP offices are] Ooh, the mothership.

Scalper: Hey, you need Leaf tickets?
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Leafs suck.
Scalper: Leafs rule.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Hawks rule.
Scalper: Hawks suck.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: You suck.
Constable Benton Fraser: You are bilingual, Ray.


"Due South: Odds (#4.6)" (1998)
Constable Benton Fraser: I'll take that air now, Ray.
[speaking of throwing air down in a poker game instead of tangible money, after he wins]
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: I'm tapped out.
Constable Benton Fraser: I'll accept an I.O.U.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: An I.O.U. air?
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: I want you to honor your wager.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: That's stupid.

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: What's with Deif'?
Constable Benton Fraser: Well, I'm not sure. It might be love, then again it might just be worms.


"Due South: Call of the Wild: Part 1 (#4.12)" (1999)
Ray Vecchio: So you're me.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: And you're not you.
Ray Vecchio: That's a good one. Unlike the clothes.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Something wrong with 'em?
Ray Vecchio: Well, nothing... if you're a bag lady. You see, I had a rep. I was a slick dresser.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Oh, like a style pig, you mean.
Ray Vecchio: [laughing] You kill me, funny guy! I can see it's gonna take a lot of work to get my reputation back in place.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: What place is that?
Ray Vecchio: Well, you see, these three goons are gonna get one call each. They're gonna call Vegas. And when they do, Armando Langoustini's gonna go up like flash paper. Time to get my old life back.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: That's my life.
Ray Vecchio: I'm afraid it is.
[to Fraser]
Ray Vecchio: What are you grinning about?
Constable Benton Fraser: I knew you two would hit it off.

Lt. Harding Welsh: Oh, Ray...
Ray Vecchio, Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Yeah?
Lt. Harding Welsh: No, I mean, um... oh, I see this is gonna be confusing. Okay, look, you be Ray Vecchio 'cause you were Ray Vecchio to start with.
Ray Vecchio: Right.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: So, uh, who am I?
Lt. Harding Welsh: Good question. Well, you can be Stanley Kowalski.
Ray Vecchio: Stanley Kowalski?
Lt. Harding Welsh: Yeah, his father had a big thing for Marlon Brando.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: So I just, um, I just...
[Welsh nods]
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Yeah. Okay.
Ray Vecchio: [smirking] Later, Stanley.


"Due South: Eclipse (#3.2)" (1997)
Constable Benton Fraser: You know Ray, my father once told me that the sky isn't just above you. That if you look at the horizon you will see that it actually touches the ground. So if you think about it, where ever you go you are actually walking in the sky.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: You're a freak.
Constable Benton Fraser: Understood.

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Period. Dot it. File it. Stick it in a box marked 'Done'


"Due South: Mojo Rising (#4.4)" (1998)
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: You all right?
[after Fraser has leap threw a wall of fire]
Constable Benton Fraser: Yeah.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: You sure you're okay?
Constable Benton Fraser: Yeah, fine.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: The reason I ask is 'cause you're on fire
Constable Benton Fraser: Oh,
[taking off his coat and dropping it to the ground]

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Fraser, what was that, ah, feeding Diefenbaker stuff?
Constable Benton Fraser: I detected his scent the moment we entered the apartment.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Well, that means Laferette was in there two.
Constable Benton Fraser: Almost certainly.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Well then let's go back there and bust them for harboring a fugitive.
Constable Benton Fraser: We have no proof.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: We got proof, Fraser, you smelt the dog! Smelled the dog. Fraser, I think I've been working with you too long.


"Due South: Good for the Soul (#4.8)" (1998)
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: I'm sorry, Mr. Scumbag, I missed that - you want what? A kick in the teeth?


"Due South: Dr. Longball (#4.1)" (1998)
Constable Benton Fraser: [Fraser is giving Stan baseball lessons] And above all, you must try not to think.
Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Yeah, not thinking. That's what got me into this, Fraser