Scrooge McDuck
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Quotes for
Scrooge McDuck (Character)
from "DuckTales" (1987)

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DuckTales: Remastered (2013) (VG)
[first lines]
[a robbery goes on at Scrooge's money bin]
Scrooge McDuck: Curse me kilts! Me money bin alarm! Quick, Duckworth, get the limo!

Scrooge McDuck: Not the Beagle Boys again... if the think they can get between Scrooge McDuck and his three cubic acres of cash, they've got another thing coming!

Huey: [in a cage] The Beagle Boys messed with your security system!
Baggy Beagle: Duh, yeah, we's taken over the whole place!
Scrooge McDuck: GAH! Me money!
Huey: Hey, don't forget about me, Unca Scrooge!
Scrooge McDuck: Huh?... Oh! Don't worry, lad, I'll save ya!

Baggy Beagle: [clouted on the head] Now that's what I call a stomachache!
Scrooge McDuck: You were hit on the head, yeh moronic marauder!

Bouncer Beagle: Not so fast, McDuck. We're running things around here, now!
Scrooge McDuck: Curse me kilts! One false move, and I'm a roast duck!
Louie: [in a cage] Leave me, Unca Scrooge! It's not worth it!
Scrooge McDuck: Nonsense, me boy!

Scrooge McDuck: Step away from me fortune, yeh crook!
Bigtime Beagle: [puts on a helmet] Not this time, McDuck! You ain't getting the drop on this Beagle Boy!

Launchpad McQuack: You got your radio, Mr McDee?
Scrooge McDuck: Aye, of course I do.
Launchpad McQuack: Great! Then I'll be your eyes in the sky!
Scrooge McDuck: I'd be happy if you'd just keep your eyes ON the sky, for once...
[walks off]
Scrooge McDuck: What an airhead...
Launchpad McQuack: [on radio] Hey, I heard that!

Launchpad McQuack: [on radio] You haven't stumbled across a pizza joint down there, have ya, Mr McDee? I'm getting kinda hungry up here...
Scrooge McDuck: I'm not even going to dignify that question with a response.

Scrooge McDuck: [in the Amazon jungle] This place is a mess! Where's Mrs Beakley when you need her?

Launchpad McQuack: [on radio] This is Launchpad, Mr McDee! Come in, Mr McD...
Scrooge McDuck: Launchpad, what was that?
Launchpad McQuack: Uh, nothing, boss... I'm sure nobody was using that tree anyway...
[Angry monkeys are heard on the radio]
Launchpad McQuack: Uh, except maybe them... and them... and also them!

Scrooge McDuck: You know, I bet those Incans could have minted a whole lot more coins if they hadn't tried to make each one unique...

Launchpad McQuack: [on radio] I'm running a little low on fuel up here...
Scrooge McDuck: Well, where are the extra fuel canisters?
Launchpad McQuack: [awkward laugh] Well, that's why I'm calling yah, boss. I checked the glove compartment, but all I found was gloves.
Scrooge McDuck: You'd best find those fuel canisters, or the next thing you'll be flying is a model airplane!
Launchpad McQuack: Okay, okay! Yeesh! Last time I ask you for help...
Scrooge McDuck: Is that a promise?

[Scrooge comes across a stone disk with circular holes]
Launchpad McQuack: Oh, you must have come across an ancient Incan poker table, Mr McDee! How about I come down here and you deal me in for a hand?
Scrooge McDuck: You come down here and I'll deal you a blow to the head! You're supposed to be keeping an eye out for trouble, remember?

Launchpad McQuack: You know, Mc McDee, I had a thought.
Scrooge McDuck: Launchpad, why start now and spoil a perfect record?
Launchpad McQuack: That's a good question!
Scrooge McDuck: Well, I don't have all day! What was your thought?
Launchpad McQuack: Come to think of it... I forgot.
Scrooge McDuck: Launchpad, were you dropped on your head much as a child?
Launchpad McQuack: All the time! Why?

Scrooge McDuck: Magica DeSpell, I should have known you'd be behind this!
Magica De Spell: Oh, Scroogey my old friend, you wouldn't believe how much fun it is watching you run around making a fool of yourself!
Scrooge McDuck: What?
Magica De Spell: Oh, you really don't think you need ancient sorcery to find Coin of Lost Realm, do you? No, I had Beagle Boys hide paper scraps to throw you off trail!
Scrooge McDuck: Why, you sneaky conniving...
Magica De Spell: Please, save compliments for garden party!
Scrooge McDuck: What garden party?
Magica De Spell: The one I throw in celebration, when I get home with Lost Coin! So long, fools!

Huey: Do you think Magica will keep out of our way now, Unca Scrooge?
Scrooge McDuck: It's hard to say, lad. Folks like her have a habit of popping up at the most inconvenient moments.
Louie: Well, when it comes to Magica, there's no such thing as a convenient moment!

Scrooge McDuck: This is it, kids! Draculesti Manor, home of the legendary Drake Von Vladstone, heir to the Coin of the Lost Realm!

Scrooge McDuck: [at a diamond mine in Africa] I can feel all those diamonds singing to me. And it's a right pretty song, too!

Louie: [about the mine] You mean there weren't any ghosts down there?
Scrooge McDuck: That's right! As I've told you boys, there's a rational explanation for everything!
Louie: Yeah, a whole kingdom of underground creatures who cause earthquakes as part of a game is a completely rational explanation.
Scrooge McDuck: Uh, aye... never mind, boys. The point is, we made it back with the Giant Diamond of the Inner-Earth, and gained an entire diamond mine in the process!

Scrooge McDuck: Now, you boys stay put and look after wee Webbigail. I'll be back with the treasure in no time.
Huey: Aww, nuts! We want to come with you, Unca Scrooge!
Scrooge McDuck: Dinnae worry, I'll be back with the treasure before you can say "e pluribus unum"!
Huey: E purple-bus whoo-um?
Louie: Yeah, I'm not sure that's as fast as you think it is...
Dewey: Besides, we should we have to stay here just because Webby's a big chicken?
Huey, Louie: Yeah!
Louie: We're not afraid of... whatever's hiding out there... are we?
Webby: You boys are so mean! I'll show you who's not afraid of the dark!

Scrooge McDuck: Pack my parka, Duckworth! We're headed to the Himalayas, to hunt for the Lost Crown of Genghis Khan!
Duckworth: Shall I forward your calls, sir?

Scrooge McDuck: Launchpad, I told you to land in the center of the mountain range, not in the center of a mountain!

Scrooge McDuck: It's a long way to the moon, lads, but the Green Cheese of Longevity will make it worth the trip! Up, up and away!

Scrooge McDuck: You're worth your weight in gold, Mrs Beakly... er, if you'll pardon the expression.

Scrooge McDuck: [on Gizmoduck's wheel] I've always wondered what Gyro was thinking when he designed this thing. Who fights crime with a unicycle?

[Webby wants to go to the Himalayas]
Scrooge McDuck: Not this time, Webby darling, I need you here looking after the boys. Otherwise, who knows what kind of actual trouble they could get into?
Webby: Oh... that's very smart.
Huey, Dewey, Louie: Unca Scrooge!
Scrooge McDuck: Indulge me, lads, the last thing this expedition needs is a wee lass about, and I'm gonna have enough trouble looking after Launchpad...

[on the moon]
Scrooge McDuck: Now, Gyro, why in the blazes are we chewing this awful blue muck?
Gyro Gearloose: Why, that's Oxy-Chew, Mr McDuck! It's my latest invention: oxygen-flavoured taffy! Five good chews, and you can breathe on the lunar surface without a space suit! Oh, and it tastes good, too!
Scrooge McDuck: That, Gyro, is a matter of opinion...

Scrooge McDuck: [sees Bubba Duck frozen ] Looks like the poor little peabrain got caught in a deep freeze!
[sets him free]

Launchpad McQuack: No worries, Mr McDee, I've got the coordinates for Shadow Pass locked in! We'll be there lickety-split!
Flintheart Glomgold: More like lickety-splat!
Scrooge McDuck: Glomgold!
Flintheart Glomgold: Nice to see ye, McDuck! Especially since you've led me right to the treasure! To whom do I owe my thanks - your idiotic pilot, or did yeh play it safe and let those two wee ones fly the plane?
Scrooge McDuck: You dirty cheat, only you could sink so low!
Launchpad McQuack: And at 15000 feet, no less!

[a rumble is heard]
Launchpad McQuack: [checks his tummy] Wasn't me.
Webby: Then what was it?
[a roar is heard again]
Launchpad McQuack: [frightened] That definitely wasn't me!
Scrooge McDuck: Whatever it was, it won't last long if it tries to get between me and the Lost Crown!
Webby: Uncle Scrooge, don't go!
Scrooge McDuck: Dinnae worry, lassie, whatever is in that cave is no match for your Uncle Scrooge. I earned my fortune by being smarter than the smarties, and tougher than the toughies. If anything's in there, it had better step aside!
Webby: But I'm scared!
Scrooge McDuck: Stay with Launchpad, he'll take good care of you!
[goes off]
Webby: Stay with Launchpad? Gee, now I'm EXTRA scared!

[Webby communicates with the female yeti]
Webby: W She says she's sorry if she hurt you. She's just upset 'cause she stepped on a thorn, and can't get it out.
Scrooge McDuck: A thorn? You don't suppose...
[checks out the yeti's foot]
Scrooge McDuck: Here's your thorn, Webigail: the Lost Crown of Genghis Khan!
Webby: The pretty crown, you found it!
Scrooge McDuck: Aye, the poor creature was standing on it! Webby, I cannae thank you enough! I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Without your help we never would have found the treasure! Oh, and thanks to you too, ma'am!
[the yeti roars]
Webby: [giggles] I think she likes you, Uncle Scrooge!
Launchpad McQuack: That's odd, usually it's me the ladies go gaga for...

Scrooge McDuck: The Lost Crown of Genghis Khan is mine, lads! All it took was a bit of tenacity and perseverance!
Webby: And a little kindness and patience, right Uncle Scrooge?
Scrooge McDuck: Right you are, Webby darling. Now, where's Bubba run off to?
Huey: Yeah, where is he? He was here a minute ago...
Bubba: [offscreen] Why dolls no answer Bubba?
Louie: He's over there, having a tea party with Webby's toys.
Bubba: No? Bubba smash!
Dewey: Uh-oh, Webby, sounds like Bubba's not getting along so good with your Quacky Patch dolls...
Webby: [runs offscreen] HEY! You keep away from my dolls, mister!
Scrooge McDuck: Er, remember, kindness and patience, Webigail! Set a good example for the lad!

Fenton Crackshell: [at a spaceship] Look, here's someone who can give us directions! Hello?
[gets abducted]
Fenton Crackshell: Mr McDuck! HEELLLP!
Gyro Gearloose: Oh, no! We've got to save him!
Scrooge McDuck: Do we really?
Gyro Gearloose: We do if you want to find that treasure of yours, Mr McDuck! Fenton was carrying the Gizmoduck suit, that's the only thing we've got powerful enough to break into the Moon Vault!

Scrooge McDuck: Uh, Gyro... I, uh, think I left my favourite two-dollar bill under the back seat, would you mind getting it for me?
Gyro Gearloose: Sure thing, Mr McDuck!
[goes into the ship]
Fenton Crackshell: Gee, boss, why'd you send Gyro back onto the ship?
Scrooge McDuck: So he doesn't find out you're Gizmoduck when you put on that suit, you dunderhead!
Fenton Crackshell: But there are only three of us here, sir. Won't he figure it out anyway when Gizmoduck appears and I've mysteriously vanished?
Scrooge McDuck: I wouldnae worry about that. Gyro may be a brilliant inventor, but his deductive reasoning skills are about as good as yours.
Fenton Crackshell: Oh... Hey!

Scrooge McDuck: Say your secret code word and activate that confounded contraption!
Fenton Crackshell: Code word?... Gee, I cant remember it. Oh, blathering blatherskite, I'm useless!
[the suit activates and fits on Fenton]
Gizmoduck: I mean, I'm useful to the extreme! Point me towards the offending blockade so that I may deal justice upon it!
Scrooge McDuck: Cut the dramatics, would yeh, and follow me!

Scrooge McDuck: Flintheart Glomgold! What are you doing here, yeh pernicious pilferer?
Flintheart Glomgold: [on the moon] Why, same as you, Scroogey: trying to corner a segment of the dairy market!

Scrooge McDuck: Giant moon rat or no giant moon rat, nothing's going to keep me from that green cheese... and all the green it's gonna make me!

Scrooge McDuck, Flintheart Glomgold: Magica De Spell!
Magica De Spell: It's so rude of me to drop in unannounced!
Scrooge McDuck: What are you doing here, Magica? Quick, somebody sound the alarm! Duckworth! Mrs Beakley! Call the Pentagon! Sell me stock and bonds!
Magica De Spell: Not so fast, fools!
[freezes everyone around her]
Magica De Spell: Hah! Greedy old fools! These treasures are far more valuable than money!
Flintheart Glomgold: And just what do you mean by that?
Magica De Spell: [to Scrooge] You find secret hidden inside old painting, yes? Painting of Drake Von Vladstone, also known as Count Dracula Duck! These treasures are part of spell to summon him!
Scrooge McDuck: Bah! What rubbish!
Magica De Spell: You will see! With power of Dracula Duck under my command, I will rule the world!... Unless you'd care to surrender Number One Dime, Scrooge. Dime is gentler way to conquer world, will save me great deal of trouble. Also less risk of accidental Dracula bite.
Scrooge McDuck: The first dime I ever made? Never!
Magica De Spell: Then I will take precious nephews instead! You will bring me dime quickly enough, after that!

Scrooge McDuck: How about a deal? You help me get the boys back, and you can keep the five treasures!
Flintheart Glomgold: Without your dime, I'll become the richest duck in the world, and you'll be a nothing but a shriveled up old has-been!
Scrooge McDuck: That dime's not worth ten cents next to the safety of my boys. Do we have an agreement?
Flintheart Glomgold: You know what I think, McDuck? I think you've gone soft. You've let those pesky rugrats become a business liability... and I'm gonna be the richer for it!
Scrooge McDuck: Oh, go soak your head!

Scrooge McDuck: What's the matter, gold bricks in your caboose?
Flintheart Glomgold: Aw, shut your beak! You're not getting any younger yourself, yeh old windbag!

Flintheart Glomgold: [ahead of Scrooge] Get a move on, McDuck!
Scrooge McDuck: Age before beauty, Flinty!

Flintheart Glomgold: [swipes Scrooge's dime] It's been great doing business with you, Scroogey!
[gets away]
Scrooge McDuck: [to Magica] You two, you've been in cahoots from the beginning!
Magica De Spell: Noo, even before beginning! Do you remember who sold you painting in first place? 'Twas ME in disguise, you fool!
Scrooge McDuck: Why, you... no wonder it was such a bargain!
Magica De Spell: Five dollar painting for you, saved expensive treasure-hunting expedition for me!

Magica De Spell: And now, at long last, I am ready to use treasures to complete spell!
Scrooge McDuck: Enough with the smoke and mirrors routine! You've got my dime, now release the lads!
Magica De Spell: Oh, boo-hoo! No time for buyers' remorse from old has-been! Better to stick with master plan, is much more exciting! I now summon Dracula Duck!
[summons the vampire]
Magica De Spell: Dracula Duck, I, Magica DeSpell, have summoned you to do my bidding! You must obey my will, and mine alone! And my will is that you destroy this meddling old fool!

Scrooge McDuck: Me Number One Dime, returned safe and sound!
Huey: But Unca Scrooge, what about the treasure?
Dewey: Yeah, we had it and we lost it.
Huey: Sorry, Unca Scrooge.
Scrooge McDuck: Come on now, boys. We may not have gotten to keep the treasure, but we had the adventure of a lifetime! And best of all, we got to share it together! You, Webigail, Launchpad...
Huey: And Duckworth too!
Dewey: Don't forget Mrs Beakley!
Louie: And Bubba and Gyro and Fenton, they helped us too!
Scrooge McDuck: Indeed they did, lads! Now come on, let's head for home!

Launchpad McQuack: It was real swell of you to give Glomgold a lift home, Mr McD!
[Glomgold and the Beagle Boys are in a paddy wagon]
Scrooge McDuck: Uh, I'll put it on your bill, Flinty. You can pay me back in, oh, three to five years - with interest of course!
Flintheart Glomgold: I'll get your for this, McDuck! Mark my words!
[is taken away]
Scrooge McDuck: Now there's a sight I never get tired of...

[last lines]
Scrooge McDuck: Come on, lads, let's head to the ice cream shop!
Huey, Dewey, Louie: Woohoo!
Dewey: Hey, can we each get our own cone this time, Unca Scrooge?
Scrooge McDuck: Ah, why not, I'm in a generous mood today! In f act, each of ye can even get a cone with ice cream in it!

DuckTales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp (1990)
Huey, Dewey, Louie: Faster, Launch Pad, faster!
Scrooge McDuck: Slower, Launch Pad, slower!

Scrooge McDuck: Launchpad! Look what you've done to these ancient ruins!
Launchpad: Well, it could've been worse - it could've been something *new*.

Scrooge McDuck: I wouldn't miss this for all the scones in Scotland!

Genie: Do you have to yell at me all the time?
Scrooge McDuck: If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be in this mess. Thanks to you, I've got this crazy animal act on my tail.
Genie: That's it, blame the genie. I only saved your life.

Genie: I don't hear anything. I think they're gone.
Scrooge McDuck: Where are we?
Genie: Well, it's not exactly the Ritz...
Scrooge McDuck: Not the lamp?
Genie: I'm sorry about the mess. But you'll get used to it after a couple of thousand years. Could you move your elbow, please?
Scrooge McDuck: GET ME OUT OF HERE!

Mrs. Beakley: It's in here, Mr. McDuck!
Mrs. Beakley: It's gone!
Scrooge McDuck: Mrs. Beakley, is this a ploy to get some vacation time?
Mrs. Beakley: It was here! Honest! An elephant, wearing a big pink bow!... You think I'm crazy, don't you?
Scrooge McDuck: [sees a chair moving away] Maybe not.

Launchpad: Forward, ho!
[They crash]
Launchpad: Reverse, ho!
Scrooge McDuck: If you don't stop crashing, I'll give you the heave ho!

Huey: This is Geni... Gene, yeah, Gene.
Scrooge McDuck: You're new around here?
Genie: Yeah, kinda. I pretty much pop up every now and then.

[Upon Merlock's arrival, a bear's claw comes smashing through the door]
Scrooge McDuck: He's got a bear?
Genie: He IS the bear!

Genie: What's more important - a fortune or your life?
Scrooge McDuck: [thinking] Well...
Genie: Hey! It's not exactly a trick question.

[during Launchpad's flight in the opening scene]
Scrooge McDuck: Launchpad, is this a stunt you learned in flight school?
Launchpad: Flight school?
Scrooge McDuck: You mean you *never* took flying lessons?
Launchpad: [lunkishly] Well, I took a crash course.
Scrooge McDuck: Now he tells me.

Scrooge McDuck: I cannot work, Mrs. Featherby. I'm going home.
Mrs. Featherby: But... wh-what about your lunch?
Scrooge McDuck: Sell it!
[slams door]

[last lines]
[Dijon makes his escape from Scrooge, his pants loaded to beyond capacity with what he could carry from the money bin]
Scrooge McDuck: Somebody stop those pants!

Scrooge McDuck: Since when does a hat have a mind of its own?

Huey: Do you think it might have the treasure of Collie Baba and his 40 theives?
Scrooge McDuck: After all this time, I'm not getting my hopes up.

Launchpad: Please put your seats back in an upright position.
Scrooge McDuck: Just put the plane up in an upright position!

Louie: [Scrooge has opened a chest stolen by Collie Baba and discovers it to be full of clothes] He stole clothes?
Scrooge McDuck: Ah, nothing but old robes. 40 years of searching, and all I end up with is Collie Baba's dirty laundry!
Webby: Well, at least the box is pretty, Uncle Scrooge.

Huey: Can't he stay with us, Uncle Scrooge?
Dewey: Yeah.
Scrooge McDuck: Oh no! I'm not letting this wee gold mine out of my sight!
Dewey: But he's our friend.
Scrooge McDuck: Nonsense! A genie's not a person! A genie is a-a-a... a thing!
[holds up lamp]
Scrooge McDuck: Inside.
Genie: Bye, guys. It was great while it lasted.

Dewey: Webby! What did you do this time?
Webby: I'm sorry. Just make them stop!
Louie: But I've only got one wish left!
Scrooge McDuck: Boys! What is going on?
Huey: Uh-oh. Looks like the jig is up. Go ahead, Louie.

Louie: Where are you going to keep all this treasure, Uncle Scrooge?
Scrooge McDuck: I won't keep it all, Louie. Most of these artifacts will go to museums.
Louie: That doesn't sound like Uncle Scrooge.
Scrooge McDuck: That way, I can enjoy a healthy tax break!
Huey: That does!

Scrooge McDuck: I can wish for the world's biggest diamond... no, the biggest diamond mine... no, no, all the diamond mines... no, the entire mining industry! I can see why this can take some careful thought.

Genie: Music! Food! Guacamole! It's a party! Gotta boogie! Gotta Bingo! I gotta get out of this lamp!
Scrooge McDuck: Can you keep quiet at all?
Genie: If you let me out, I'll be as quiet as a mouse and just as small.
Scrooge McDuck: Oh, all right!
[lets the genie out]
Genie: Hey! Look at that! A couple of single guys out on the town!
Scrooge McDuck: Guess again.
[puts genie in a little plant]
Scrooge McDuck: You can watch the ball from here. Otherwise, you go back in the lamp.
Genie: But what if I win the door prize?

Genie: It's not my fault Merlock's after me. I don't just want to be Mr. Popularity. All I wanted was a life of my own... like your nephews. My own bike, stack of comic books, a sled, maybe some ski equipment, a CD player, my own home video entertainment system...
Scrooge McDuck: All right! All right!

Dijon: Good morning, Scrooge sir.
Scrooge McDuck: What's going on?
Dijon: At the urging of MY Genie, I have decided to seek my fortune.
Genie: I-I never thought he'd wish for your fortune, Mr. McDuck, I swear!
Scrooge McDuck: [looks at his lamp] But th-the lamp?... Gravy?
Dijon: [holds up the real lamp] That's right! I get the loot, you get the boot!

Scrooge McDuck: Wiped out with a wish. If I ever get my money back, I promise I'll never make another wish for myself again.

Louie: At least we still have each other. Think of poor Genie.
Dewey: If only there was a way we could sneak in and get back the lamp.
Huey: But there are so many alarms.
Scrooge McDuck: Aye, hundreds... and 14, 657 ways to trigger them.
Dewey: And you know each and every one, don't you, Uncle Scrooge?
Scrooge McDuck: Aye.
Louie: Maybe the way to shut them off?
Scrooge McDuck: Aye! Come lads! Something tells me we should plan a full-scale invasion!

Scrooge McDuck: Genie, get ready to grant my last wish... and yours too. I wish... the genie... would turn into... a real boy.

Genie: How can I ever thank you, Master?
Scrooge McDuck: I'm not your master anymore!
Genie: That's right! Can I call you "Uncle Scrooge"?
Scrooge McDuck: You're a sweet kid, but don't press your luck.
Dewey: So, what do you want to do as your first day as a boy?
Genie: Well, let me put it this way... you'll never catch me, coppers!
Huey: Quackarooney!
Louie: Oh boy!
Dewey: I'm gonna get you!
Webby: Are you coming with us, Uncle Scrooge?
Scrooge McDuck: You go ahead, Webby dear. We quad-zillionaires have our own ideas of fun.

Genie: Oh no! It's Merlock! Hide me! Hide me!
Scrooge McDuck: I've got to get you to my vault. It's the only safe place. Time to go back.
Genie: But you saw what a dump it is.
Scrooge McDuck: Sorry, Genie, but the party's over.
Genie: [sighs] And just when we were getting to be buddies.

Scrooge McDuck: Dijon!
Dijon: [about to grab the lamp, but quickly stops] What? What? I am not touching a thing! I am clean! Innocent like a little baby goat! Yes.
Scrooge McDuck: Go get our sacks.
Dijon: Sacks? Oh, yes, sacks! Right away. Anything you say, Scrooge, sir. I do for you.

Mrs. Featherby: Duckburg Daily News on line one, sir.
Scrooge McDuck: For what?
Mrs. Featherby: I believe they want to ask what happened to the treasure.
Scrooge McDuck: [picks up the phone and shouts into it] None of your business!
[slams the phone]

Mrs. Featherby: You've finally received your invitation to the Archaeological Society ball.
Scrooge McDuck: Ah! How can I face those old fossils again? Every year, I tell them, "I'll find Collie Baba's treasure," and every time, I come back empty-handed.
Mrs. Featherby: But you did have it for a little while.
Scrooge McDuck: Does *everyone* have to remind me?
Mrs. Featherby: Sorry.

Scrooge McDuck: Blow me bagpipes! He's a genie!
Mrs. Beakley: Does his mother know about this?

Scrooge McDuck: Launchpad, get me out of here fast!
Launchpad: Dull party, eh, Mr. McD?
Scrooge McDuck: Just go!

Scrooge McDuck: You maniac! Return the bin before I stuff that lamp down your throat!
Genie: Uh-uh! Bad move! Bad!
Merlock: You threaten me?
Genie: [runs to Merlock] Please, Merlock. He's had a lousy day. Maybe a hot bath and a warm glass of goats milk oughta do...
Merlock: [shouts] Silence! I wish you to cast him out of my house!
Genie: No! No! I can't!
Merlock: [shouts] Do it
[he points the lamp at Genie causing him to spin around]
Genie: [in pain] I have no choice!
Scrooge McDuck: I... I understand.

Mrs. Beakley: Children, I think your uncle has something to say to you.
Scrooge McDuck: Aye... Welcome home! Can I get you and Gene anything? Cookies? Milk? Ice cream?
Huey: Oh, no thank you, Uncle Scrooge.
Louie: Yeah, we're kind of full.
Webby: And sleepy.
Scrooge McDuck: That's because it's past your bedtime. Now, scoot along, little ones.
Huey, Dewey, Louie, Webby: Good night, Uncle Scrooge.
Genie: Nighty-night.
Scrooge McDuck: Sleep tight.
Duckworth: That's telling them, Sir.

Duckworth: Oh dear, Launchpad isn't answering. He must be on his way. Won't you go, sir?
Scrooge McDuck: Aye, to work! Tell Launchpad he can take YOU to the ball!

Scrooge McDuck: Don't bother landing! I don't have time for any more disasters!

Scrooge McDuck: I told you, I'm not going to the ball!
Duckworth: But sir, I've already arranged for Launchpad to take you to the society's mountain lodge...
Scrooge McDuck: So cancel Launchpad! I'll not only save face, but my life as well!

Scrooge McDuck: I wish me, and my family, and the bin were back in Duckburg, right now!

Scrooge McDuck: [the lamp after Scrooge wished the genie into a real boy] Look, without that genie, it's wasting away.

Mickey's Christmas Carol (1983)
Marley: Ebenezer? Remember when I was alive I robbed from widows and swindled the poor?
Scrooge: Yes, and all in the same day. Oh, you had class, Jacob.
Marley: Ha-yuk. Yup. Er, no, no! I was wrong. And so, as punishment, I'm forced to carry these heavy chains for eternity! Maybe even longer.

Ghost of Christmas Past: Well, it's about time! Haven't got all night, you know.
Scrooge: Who... who are you?
Ghost of Christmas Past: Why, I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past.
Scrooge: Oh. I thought you'd be taller.
Ghost of Christmas Past: Hmph! Listen, Scrooge, if men were measured by kindness, you'd be no bigger than a speck of dust.
Scrooge: [yawns] Kindness is of little use in this world.
Ghost of Christmas Past: You didn't always think so. Come on, Scrooge, it's time to go.
Scrooge: Then go!

Ebenezer Scrooge: Spirit, whose lonely grave - is this?
[gasps as the ghost strikes a match, illuminating the tombstone: it reads "EBENEZER SCROOGE"]
Ghost of Christmas Future: [Pulls back his hood, revealing himself to the viewers as Pete, then tossing Scrooge into the grave] Why, yours, Ebenezer! The richest man in the cemetery! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Cratchit: Tomorrow is Christmas and I was wondering if I could have... Half a day off?
Scrooge: Christmas, eh? Uh, er... I suppose so. But I'll dock you half a day's pay. Let's see, I pay you two shillings a day...
Cratchit: Two shillings and a halfpenny, Sir.
Scrooge: Oh yes, I gave you that raise three years ago.
Cratchit: Yes, sir, when I started doing your laundry.

Fred: I've come to give you a wreath and invite you to Christmas dinner.
Scrooge: Well, I suppose you're going to have plump goose with chesnut dressing?
Fred: Yup.
Scrooge: And will you have plum pudding and lemon sauce?
Fred: Yeah, boy oh boy.
Scrooge: And candied fruit with spiced sugar cakes?
Fred: Yeah. Will you come?
Scrooge: Are you daft, man? You know I can't eat that stuff! Here's your wreath back. Now, out, out, OUT!
[kicks Fred out the door and slams it after him]

Scrooge: And what can I do for you two gentlemen?
Collector for the Poor #1: Sir, we are collecting funds for the indigent and destitute.
Scrooge: For the what?
Collector for the Poor #2: [tipping his hat] We're collecting for the poor.
Scrooge: Oh. Aha. Well um, you realize if you give money to the poor, they won't be poor anymore, will they?
Collector for the Poor #2: Well, I...
Scrooge: And if they're not *poor* anymore, then you won't have to raise money for them anymore.
Collector for the Poor #1: Well, I suppose...
Scrooge: And if you don't have to raise money for them anymore, then you'd be out of a job. Oh please, gentlemen, don't ask me to put you out of a job. Not on Christmas Eve.
Collector for the Poor #1: Oh, we wouldn't do that, Mr. Scrooge.
Scrooge: [giving them a wreath] Well then, I suggest you give this to the poor and be gone.
[Slams door on them]

Scrooge: What's this world coming to, Cratchit? You work all your life to get money... then people want you to give it away.

Scrooge: Bah humbug!

Fred: Merry Christmas, Uncle Scrooge!
Scrooge: What's so merry about it? I'll tell you what Christmas is. It's just another work day, and any jackanape who thinks else should be boiled in his own pudding!
Cratchit: But sir, Christmas is a time for giving... a time to be with one's family.
Scrooge: I say, Bah humbug!
Fred: I don't care! I say, Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas!
Cratchit: [clapping] Well said, Master Fred!
Scrooge: Cratchit, what are you doing?
Cratchit: [stops clapping] I was just trying to keep my hands warm, sir.

[Bob closes his book and starts to leave as the clock chimes 7:00. Scrooge looks at his watch]
Scrooge: Hmm... Two minutes fast.
[Bob stops then goes back to his desk]
Scrooge: Well, never mind those two minutes. You may go now.
Cratchit: Ah, oh thank you, sir! You're so kind!
Scrooge: Never mind that mushy stuff, just go! But be here all the other early the next day!
Cratchit: I will, I will, sir! And a Bah Humbug... I mean, a Merry Christmas to you, sir!

Marley: Tonight, you will be visited by three spirits.
[holds up two fingers]
Marley: Listen to 'em. Do what they say, or your chains will be heavier than mine. Farewell, Ebenezer.
[gliding through door]
Marley: Fareweeeellll...
Scrooge: Marley, watch out for that first...
[Marley goes crashing down the stairs]
Scrooge: Step.

Scrooge: Merry Christmas, Bob.
Tiny Tim: And God bless us, everyone.

Scrooge: My partner, Jacob Marley, dead seven years today. Oh, he was a good'n. He robbed from the widows and swindled the poor. In his will, he left me enough money to pay for his tombstone, and I have him burried at sea!

Cratchit: Oh, that Fred. Always so full of kindness.
Scrooge: Aye. He always was a little peculiar
[door bell rings]
Scrooge: ... AND stubborn!

Belle: Ebeneezer?
Scrooge: Yes, Isabelle?
Belle: My eyes are closed, my lips are puckered, and I'm standing under the mistletoe.
Scrooge: You're also standing on my foot.

Scrooge: Ah, I remember how much I was in love with her.
[a wind blows and the lights inside go out]
Ghost of Christmas Past: In ten years time, you learned to love something else.
Scrooge: Why, it's my counting house.
[Scrooge sees himself sitting in his chair counting money]
Scrooge: 9,671, 9,672...
Belle: Ebenezer?
Scrooge: Yes, what is it?
Belle: For years, I've had this honeymoon cottage, Ebenezer. I've been waiting for you to keep your promise to marry me. Now I must know, have you made your decision?
Scrooge: I have! Your last payment on the cottage was an hour late! I'm foreclosing the mortgage!
[Belle walks away, crying]
Ghost of Christmas Past: You loved your gold more than that precious creature, and you lost her forever.
Scrooge: 9,67...
[Belle leaves and slams the door behind her, hard enough to make the coins clatter everywhere]
Scrooge: ... 3.
Scrooge: Please, spirit, I can no longer bear these memories! Take me home!
Ghost of Christmas Past: Remember, Scrooge, you fashioned these memories yourself.

Scrooge: Please, let me go! Don't eat me!
Ghost of Christmas Present: Why would the Ghost of Christmas Present - that's me - want to eat a distasteful little miser like you?... Especially when there are so many good things to enjoy in life?

Scrooge: Where did all this come from?
Ghost of Christmas Present: From the heart, Scrooge. It's the food of generosity, which you have long denied your fellow man.
Scrooge: Generosity? Ha! Nobody has ever shown me generosity!
Ghost of Christmas Present: You've never given them a reason to.
[plucks off a grape then gulps it]
Ghost of Christmas Present: And yet... there are some who still find enough warmth in their hearts even for the likes of you.
Scrooge: Hmph! No acquaintence of mine, I assure you.
Ghost of Christmas Present: Duh, you'll see.

Scrooge: Tell me, spirit, what's wrong with that tiny lad?
Ghost of Christmas Present: Much, I'm afraid. If these shadows remain unchanged, I see an empty chair where Tiny Tim once sat.
Scrooge: Then that means Tim will...

Scrooge: Spirit, I didn't want this to happen. Tell me these events can yet be changed.

Scrooge: I'll change! I'LL CHANGE!

Scrooge: IT'S CHRISTMAS MORNING! I haven't missed it! The spirits have given me another chance!

Cratchit: Why, Mr. Scrooge, Merry Christmas.
[Scrooge barges in]
Cratchit: Won't you come in?
Scrooge: Merry Christmas? Humph! I have another bundle for you.
Cratchit: But sir, it's Christmas Day.
Scrooge: Christmas Day, indeed! Just another excuse for being lazy. And another thing, Cratchit: I've had enough of this 'half-day off' stuff! You leave me no alternative...
[changing his attitude]
Scrooge: ...but to give you...
Tiny Tim: [sees the contents of the now open bag] Toys!
Scrooge: Yes, toys. No no no no no no no!
Scrooge: I'm giving you a raise... and making you my partner.

Scrooge: What's she cooking, a canary? Surely they have more food than that. Look on the fire.
Ghost of Christmas Present: Huh, where? Oh, that's your laundry.

Scrooge: An-and that shy lad in the corner, that's me.
Ghost of Christmas Past: Yes, that was before you became a miserable miser, consumed by greed.
Scrooge: Well, nobody's perfect. And there-there's lovely Isabelle.

Scrooge: Oh, it's a wonderful day.
Scrooge: So much to do. So much to do...
Scrooge: [leaves, comes back upstairs, realizing he's only wearing his nightshirt] I can't go out like this.
Scrooge: [takes a cane] There, that's better.

Scrooge: Merry Christmas to one and all!
[Slides down banister]
Scrooge: Ah, bless me. Good morning, gentlemen. I've something for ya.
[Puts a bag of coins on the second collector's head]
Collector for the Poor #1: Twenty gold sovereigns! Oh, no!
Scrooge: Not enough? Here.
[Puts another bag on the collector's pants]
Scrooge: Fifty gold sovereigns!
Collector for the Poor #2: Really, Mister Scrooge. It's...
Scrooge: Still not enough! You drive a hard bargain. Here you are.
[Throws several bags at the collectors]
Scrooge: One hundred gold pieces, and not a penny more!
Collector for the Poor #1: Oh, thank you, Mr. Scrooge! Thank you! And a *merry* Christmas to you!

Scrooge: Ah, nephew!
Fred: Uncle Scrooge!
Scrooge: I'm looking forward to that wonderful meal of yours.
Fred: Well, I'll be doggone. You mean you're coming?
Scrooge: Of course I am! You know how much I love candied fruit and sweet sugar cakes.
[Fred laughs]
Scrooge: I'll be there promptly at two! Keep it piping hot!
Fred: I will, Uncle Scrooge, I will! And a very merry Christmas to you!

Cratchit: Ha-ha. That Fred, always so full of kindness.
Scrooge: Aye, he always was a little peculiar
[the doorbell rings again]
Scrooge: AND stubborn!

Scrooge: [Scrooge is being windblown into his past] AHHH!
Ghost of Christmas Past: What's the matter, Scrooge? I thought you enjoyed looking down on the world.

Scrooge: Spirit, whose lone grave is this?
[Ghost flicks a lighter revealing Scrooge's name on the tombstone, gasps, Ghost removes his hood and lights a cigar]
Ghost of Christmas Future: Why yours, Ebenezer. The richest man in the cemetery!
[laughs as he throws Scrooge in the grave]

"DuckTales: Nothing to Fear (#1.9)" (1987)
Scrooge McDuck: I don't owe you money, do I?
Louie Duck: Of course not.
Scrooge McDuck: Wha - what happened to those bill collectors?
Huey Duck: What bill collectors?
Scrooge McDuck: Boys, something strange *is* going on here.

Scrooge McDuck: Why're you standing in the closet?
Duckworth: [clears his throat; whispers] Because there's no limo-monster in here, sir.
Scrooge McDuck: [walking off after shutting him in again] Well, I guess he's got a point.
[does a double-take]

Doofus Drake: I was afraid you were a big banana!
Huey Duck: Or Commander Gander, terror of the universe!
Duckworth: [sticks his head out of the closet] Or the limo-monster.
Scrooge McDuck: [examining himself] Not last time I checked... Nope. I'm just a plain old filthy-rich duck who wants to know... WHAT'S GOIN' ON AROUND HERE?

Scrooge McDuck: The mind can play funny tricks on ya... Especially a mind like yours.

Scrooge McDuck: You're welcome to eat anything in the kitchen that doesn't eat you first.

Scrooge McDuck: Come out, ya blasted bill-collectors! Nothing scares Scrooge McDuck!
[an alarm goes off; he screams]

Duckworth: Oh. My apologies, sir. But I wouldn't go near the limo if you paid me.
Scrooge McDuck: I *do* pay ya.
Duckworth: [muttering] Oh, is that what you call it?
[clears his throat]
Duckworth: Tell you what, sir - I'll pay *you* a month's salary to drive yourself.
Scrooge McDuck: A month's salary?
Duckworth: Yes, sir.
Scrooge McDuck: Yours or mine?
Duckworth: Mine, sir.
Scrooge McDuck: Keep it.
[shuts him in again]

Huey Duck: That raincloud. It's following us.
Scrooge McDuck: Stranger things have happened. Most of them earlier today.

Scrooge McDuck: You'll never take my boys away from me! Never! *Never*! NEVER!

Scrooge McDuck: Don't worry, boys. I'll never let those bill-collectors collect *you*.

Scrooge McDuck: I'm sorry I didna believe you about Commander Gander. Or the big banana.
Duckworth: [sticks his head out of the closet] What about the limo-monster, sir?
Scrooge McDuck: Don't push it, Duckworth.
Duckworth: Very good, sir.
[shuts himself in again]

Scrooge McDuck: [only able to see him writhing on the floor while he imagines he's struggling to get free] What are you doing?
Doofus Drake: Bully Beagle - is making a fool of me.
Scrooge McDuck: And doing a good job of it too.
[helps him up then drags him down the hall]
Doofus Drake: Oh, I hate it when he picks on me!
Scrooge McDuck: So do I.

Scrooge McDuck: We - We - We-We canna go on this way.
Doofus Drake: Yeah! We've gotta have somethin' to eat!

Dewey Duck: It's almost as if someone knows what our worst fears are, and is usin' 'em against us.
Huey Duck: But - who would know that much about us?
Dewey Duck, Huey Duck, Louie Duck: [a noise like the door banging open makes them turn to it] Uncle Scrooge!
Scrooge McDuck: Figured it out, did ya? Well, *my* worst fears came true when I got you three little television-leaver-oners. I never wanted you here. But that no-good Donald dumped ya on me.
[tosses the photo of him across the room; the nephews gasp and stare]
Scrooge McDuck: I've been doing all this, to scare you out of my life!
Louie Duck: B-But how could you *do* all those things?
Scrooge McDuck: I'm rich. I can do *anything*! And I'll be even richer when you're *out* of here!
Louie Duck: Uncle Scrooge!
Dewey Duck: Uncle...
Scrooge McDuck: [talking over him then Louie] Don't call me that! I don't want to be your uncle anymore!

Scrooge McDuck: [on the phone with a doubting weather service rep] I am *not* all washed up! There's a storm-cloud raining on my house right this minute!

Scrooge McDuck: Ahh, I knew it. I *knew* it. I was never cut out to raise three boys. I've failed.
[covers his face and sobs]
Huey Duck, Dewey Duck, Louie Duck: [come out shouldering sacks on poles] Uncle Scrooge?
Scrooge McDuck: Lads?
Louie Duck: We're leavin, Uncle Scrooge. Jus tlike you wanted.
Scrooge McDuck: Leavin'?
Huey Duck: Yeah. You still wanna get rid of us, don't'cha?
Scrooge McDuck: Get rid of ya? Why, of *course* not. You're the apples o'my eye. I - I-I thought you wanted to get rid of *me*. You said I was an old fuddy-duddy...
[looks away]
Dewey Duck: We'd *never* say that, Uncle Scrooge.
[they run to each other and hug]
Scrooge McDuck: Why - Why, of *course* you wouldn't.

Huey Duck: [the fear-cloud takes on the form of a threatening creature] We're gonna grow up to be some kind o'troubled teenagers, Uncle Scrooge.
Scrooge McDuck: I won't let that happen.

Scrooge McDuck: We've been running from our fears long enough, lads. It's time to face them.
Huey Duck, Dewey Duck, Louie Duck: [flee to his back] We're behind ya, Uncle Scrooge.
Huey Duck: [peering around his shoulder] *Way* behind.

Scrooge McDuck: And as for you, ya nasty little kiltnappers - my boys *love* me, so *you're* not my boys.

Magica De Spell: My - my magic spells! They are turning against *me*! *My* worst fear is coming true...!
[flees pursued by the fear-cloud which keeps zapping her with lightning causing her to yell]
Scrooge McDuck: You deserved to get it in the end, ya old fuddy=duddy!

[last lines]
Louie Duck: We won!
Scrooge McDuck: Aye, lads. And from now on we'll always face our fears, no matter how scary they are.
Louie Duck: I was afraid you'd say that!... Only kiddin', Uncle Scrooge!
[laughs as he lifts him onto his shoulder]
Louie Duck: Only kiddin'!

"DuckTales: Armstrong (#1.6)" (1987)
[last lines]
[Duckworth prepares hot chocolate and marshmallows for everyone]
Scrooge McDuck: Why are there no marshmallows in MY hot chocolate, Duckworth?
Duckworth: It's inefficient, sir.
Scrooge McDuck: Efficiency has its place. But not in my hot chocolate!
Duckworth: Oh, very good, sir!
[drops marshmallows in his hot chocolate]

Scrooge McDuck: No battery-operated tin can dictator is going to stop me!
[gets shocked]
Gyro Gearloose: Nothing can stop him!

Scrooge McDuck: [under a pile of gold bags] There is one disadvantage to gold: it's very, very heavy!

Scrooge McDuck: Armstrong, what are you doing?
Armstrong: [in the money bin] Counting money. Counting MY money.

[Armstrong clears a rockslide]
Scrooge McDuck: That would have taken YOU the rest of your life!
Launchpad McQuack: Maybe longer.

"DuckTales: Lost Crown of Genghis Khan (#1.45)" (1987)
Launchpad McQuack: [being chased by an amorous Yeti] NO WAY!
[he can be heard from the very outside of the caves, where Scrooge and the nephews are]
Huey Duck: What was that?
Scrooge McDuck: I don't know...

[last lines]
[the Yeti drops Launchpad and chases Standforth]
Scrooge McDuck: [chuckles] Looks like she dumped you, Launchpad!
Launchpad McQuack: Yeah, in more ways than one.

[Standforth snowmobiles down a mountain with the Crown]
Huey Duck: Where are you going, Unca Scrooge?
Scrooge McDuck: Standforth's taking the long way down. I'm taking the shortcut!
[drops from a cliff]

Scrooge McDuck: Launchpad, where are the parachutes?
Launchpad McQuack: In the closet... back at the airport!

"DuckTales: Where No Duck Has Gone Before (#1.8)" (1987)
Scrooge McDuck: This is Launchpad, he's my pilot.
Launchpad McQuack: [to Major Courage] A REAL pilot, not some phoney fly-boy.

Scrooge McDuck: [sees the spaceship taking off] Gyro, what did you do?
Gyro Gearloose: Well you said to make it as realistic as possible, so I did.

Scrooge McDuck: [finds out Courage abandoned the boys on an alien spaceship] If he ever gets back alive... I'll KILL him!
Gyro Gearloose: You may not have to, look.
[alien spaceship comes up behind the Phoenix]
Gyro Gearloose: He's got company!

"Walt Disney's Wonderful World of Color: Super DuckTales (#33.18)" (1989)
Scrooge McDuck: [about the rocket Launchpad acquired] What's THIS?
Launchpad McQuack: The USS Jumpstart, first rocket with a clutch. Hard to fly, but easy on the pocketbook. Gets 35 lightyears to the gallon.

Launchpad McQuack: Gee, Mr. McD, lighten up. What's more important? A few quadrillion dollars, or your life?
Scrooge McDuck: Is this a multiple choice question?

Launchpad McQuack: Okay, let's see, key in the ignition, pump the throttle, wipers work okay...
Scrooge McDuck: Launchpad, are you sure you can fly this rocket?
Launchpad McQuack: Trust me, I know what I'm doing.
Scrooge McDuck: Clutch, clutch!
Gizmo-Duck: Throttle, throttle!
Launchpad McQuack: Sheesh, backseat astronauts.

"DuckTales: Scrooge's Pet (#1.55)" (1987)
Scrooge McDuck: I'll never see my money again!

[last lines]
[Webby gets Scrooge a new pet]
Scrooge McDuck: Now this is a pet I can really like having... a goldfish!

"DuckTales: Time Is Money: Part 4 - Ducks on the Lam (#2.4)" (1988)
[Scrooge has been thrown in jail, and finds himself in a cell next to Bubba's]
Bubba: [sniffling] Scooge hate Bubba.
Scrooge McDuck: No, no, Bubba, I don't hate you. I'm just mad because I've lost my money... my shineys.
Bubba: Bubba find one shiney.
[holds it out through the bars]
Bubba: Give to Scooge.
Scrooge McDuck: Curse me kilts... no one's ever given me all their money before.

"DuckTales: Catch as Cash Can: Part 2 - A Whale of a Bad Time (#1.28)" (1987)
Scrooge McDuck: A sea monster ate my ice cream!

"DuckTales: The Money Vanishes (#1.56)" (1987)
[after the nephews get Scrooge's money back]
Scrooge McDuck: My money's the best friends I ever had! And you kids are the best friends my money's ever had!

"DuckTales: Catch as Cash Can: Part 3 - Aqua Ducks (#1.29)" (1987)
Launchpad McQuack: If we get some spoons, we can dig ourselves out of here!
Scrooge McDuck: Launchpad, I'm amazed you got through your childhood!

"DuckTales: Luck o' the Ducks (#1.7)" (1987)
[after Webigail reveals the booby trap that would have buried Scrooge alive]
Scrooge McDuck: I... Webigail, I don't know what to say.
Launchpad McQuack: I know what you're trying to say, Mr. McDee. She was right, you were wrong. She was wise, you were a fool.
[ticking off on his fingers]
Launchpad McQuack: You were greedy, selfish, rude, a great big mean...
Scrooge McDuck: We get the idea, Launchpad!

"DuckTales: Dinosaur Ducks (#1.39)" (1987)
[last lines]
Launchpad McQuack: It's good you picked a great pilot to rely on, Mr McD!
[the nephews cringe]
Scrooge McDuck: I also picked a plane with an automatic pilot...

"DuckTales: The Bride Wore Stripes (#2.24)" (1989)
Bigtime Beagle: What are we gonna do, Daddy Scroogey?
Burger Beagle: Yeah, nothing personal, but we hates living here.
Scrooge McDuck: I hate having you here. But I'm afraid your mother and I are in this 'til death do us part...
[rubs his hands together]
Scrooge McDuck: Which suddenly gives me a perfectly demented idea.
Burger Beagle: Ooh, those are our favorite kind!