Titus Pullo
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Quotes for
Titus Pullo (Character)
from "Rome" (2005)

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"Rome: Egeria (#1.6)" (2005)
Titus Pullo: You should leave her maybe. Seeing as she makes you so unhappy.
Lucius Vorenus: No! No! I will not leave her!
[slumps on the ground]
Lucius Vorenus: I would rather die than leave her.
Titus Pullo: [pulls Vorenus to his feet, holds him close] It's alright, lamb. It will be alright.

Titus Pullo: [taking Octavian to be deflowered] Not to worry, young master. There's nothing to it.
Gaius Octavian: If there's nothing to it then why is there such a fuss made of the thing?

[Vorenus is discussing his marital problems with Pullo]
Lucius Vorenus: I thought it was going well for a while, but now...
[he takes a sip from his drink]
Lucius Vorenus: Maybe I *should* beat her, do you think?
Titus Pullo: Oh, I don't know. That only works if you keep at it.
[Both men laugh]
Titus Pullo: A good thrashing once or twice a day till they're docile. But then they don't look so good. It'd be a shame to mark up a beauty like that.

[Pullo and Octavian are in a brothel selecting a prostitute for Octavian]
Madame: [Showing an African prostitute] Something exotic, perhaps?
[Octavian keeps silent]
Madame: [Showing a thin prostitute] Or else something young? Light, simple?
Titus Pullo: A little bit skinny, innit? Won't know he's been, will he?

Titus Pullo: [in a brothel] What's your price, then?
Madame: One thousand.
Titus Pullo: [swearing] I could have half the whores in Narbo for that, and their mothers!
Madame: We're not in Narbo, wherever that might be.
Titus Pullo: All right, my dove, we'll pay, but the girl better fuck him like Helen of Troy with her arse on fire, or I'll know the reason why!

[Pullo is waiting for Octavian in the lobby of the exclusive brothel]
Titus Pullo: Nice place, this. Clean.
Titus Pullo: I don't suppose, seeing as I'm with the quality...
Madame: Not a chance!

[Pullo enters the exclusive brothel]
Madame: Get out! Go on, this ain't no infantry fuckhole!
Titus Pullo: Calm down, love. It's not for me, it's the young master we're here for.
[Octavian follows him in]
Madame: Oh, my apologies. Welcome, young master, we'd be honored to serve you. And what is the young master's pleasure today?
[Octavian is silent]
Titus Pullo: [whispering] First-timer. Nothing too savory.

Lucius Vorenus: [on ship, in a storm] ... a perfectly acceptable sacrifice wsa made to Triton!
Titus Pullo: [shouting thru the storm] Well, if Triton thinks that this is fine weather, he can SUCK MY COCK!
[the mainmast of the ship breaks]
Lucius Vorenus: Pullo, when will you ever learn to keep your fucking mouth shut!

"Rome: An Owl in a Thornbush (#1.3)" (2005)
Lucius Vorenus: You heard what she said, she hates me!
Titus Pullo: What's your question?
Lucius Vorenus: How do I get her to stop hating me, obviously!
Titus Pullo: That's not obvious! I thought you were making her hate you for a purpose.
Lucius Vorenus: That was not my intent, why would I do that?
Titus Pullo: I don't know. You're the clever one.

Titus Pullo: Of course, your best method for pleasing a woman is the warm, beating heart of an enemy. I mean, women'll say they don't like it, but they do. Makes them wet as October.

[Vorenus unbuckles his sword belt]
Titus Pullo: What are you doing?
Lucius Vorenus: I've done my duty and I've sinned enough. I resign.
Titus Pullo: That's desertion.
Lucius Vorenus: [chuckles] I'm a traitor and a rebel. Why not a desertor as well?

[Titus is giving Lucius marital advice]
Titus Pullo: When you couple with her, there's a spot just above her cunny, it's like a little button. Now... attend to that button, and she will open up, like a flower.
Lucius Vorenus: [aghast] How do you know this about her?
Titus Pullo: *All* women have them! Ask anyone!

Lucius Vorenus: It makes no sense. We should have been stopped by now. Why is Rome not defended?
Titus Pullo: Our boys scared 'em off, eh?
Lucius Vorenus: Soldiers of the Republic do not run, so it must be a stratagem, a trick.
Titus Pullo: It's a good trick.
Lucius Vorenus: Unless the gods have abandoned Rome... If Mars were watching, he would not allow such a disgrace.
Titus Pullo: Maybe he was havin' a crap and missed it.

Lucius Vorenus: We should have been stopped by now. Why is Rome not defended?
Titus Pullo: Our boys scared 'em off, eh?
Lucius Vorenus: The soldiers of the Republic do not run... so it must be a strategem or trick...
Titus Pullo: Then it's a good trick!
Lucius Vorenus: ...unless the gods have abandoned Rome! If Mars were watching, he would not allow such a disgrace!
Titus Pullo: Or maybe he's off having a crap, and missed it.
Lucius Vorenus: It is that sort of disrespect that has brought us to this sad pass! If the gods are not respected, then why should they help us?

"Rome: Caesarion (#1.8)" (2005)
Titus Pullo: [In a desert] Blood and fire! This is hot as Vulcan's dick!

Titus Pullo: [about Princess Cleopatra] That Gyppo princess, now that's good cunny.
Lucius Vorenus: Her father's people rode with Alexander, you can't speak of her like that.
Titus Pullo: She is, though. And she wants me badly.
[Vorenus laughs]
Titus Pullo: Should've seen her when I done that Nubian. Wet as October
Lucius Vorenus: Pullo, look at me. She is a princess of royal blood. You touch her, you die.
Titus Pullo: I'm not stupid. I'm just saying she wants me.

[Vorenus is commanded to see Cleopatra]
Charmian: Majesty commands you will enter her.
Lucius Vorenus: I do not understand.
Charmian: You have coitus with her.
Lucius Vorenus: [Aghast] You have it wrong. Coitus means to make babies!
Charmian: Exact! So, make babies.
[Cleopatra spreads her legs in anticipation]
Charmian: Don't be scared.
[the female slave starts to undress him]
Lucius Vorenus: I'm not scared. I just cannot do what you ask. It is not... it is not in our custom. Roman men are not used by women in this way.
Charmian: Come. You will enjoy it. My queen is an excellent lover.
[Cleopatra starts touching Vorenus with her foot, going from his chest to his crotch]
Charmian: [Vorenus is in doubt. Then he mounts her, but hesitates and steps back]
Cleopatra: What is he waiting for? He must do as he is told!
Charmian: Let me give you a hand.
Lucius Vorenus: [Shakes the slaves off of him] Get off! I must ask forgiveness of Your Majesty, but I cannot comply! I am no slave to be commanded so! With all respect...
Cleopatra: He *refuses*? This... insect refuses *me*?
Charmian: You dare refuse the daughter of a sun god?
[Vorenus turns around and storms out of Cleopatra's tent towards Pullo]
Lucius Vorenus: Pullo, report immediately to Princess Cleopatra and do as she says!
Titus Pullo: Eh?
Lucius Vorenus: You heard!
Titus Pullo: What's going on?
Lucius Vorenus: Just go!

[after Pullo has been ordered to have sex with Cleopatra]
Titus Pullo: [sighs] Gods, that was something...
Lucius Vorenus: Don't want to know! If you value your life, you won't speak of it again.
Titus Pullo: Why? I was only obeying orders. Bloody good orders, too.

[Repeatedly stabs the Nubian; slows stabbing rate until he stops. Looks around at the two women]
Titus Pullo: [Calmly] Hello, ladies.

"Rome: The Ram Has Touched the Wall (#1.5)" (2005)
Titus Pullo: Maybe I won't go back to camp. My time's nearly done anyway.
Lucius Vorenus: Leave the 13th? Why?
Titus Pullo: [hesitates] You did.
Lucius Vorenus: You're not me, you've no talent for peace.

Titus Pullo: I've seen you kill. There's plenty of soldier in you.
Gaius Octavian: It's not the killing. It is the waving about of swords I find tedious. I dare say I can kill people readily enough, as long as they're not fighting back.

[Pullo and Octavian are interrogating Evander]
Gaius Octavian: Evander, move forward. Your life is over. The only question is, how do you want to die?
[Evander hesitates, but keeps silent]
Gaius Octavian: We need to hear the truth. If you persist in lying to us, we'll torture you. You'll die only after many hours of agony and horror. You give us honesty now, and you'll go swiftly, painlessly.
Evander Pulchio: Please!
Gaius Octavian: Evander, tell the truth.
[Evander hesitates, but keeps silent]
Gaius Octavian: Torture him.
Titus Pullo: Juno's a cunt, but you're salty! And I was worried about bringing you!
Gaius Octavian: Go on, then.
Titus Pullo: [Hesitates] I've never actually tortured anyone. I don't know how.
Gaius Octavian: You don't know how?
Titus Pullo: They have specialists!
Gaius Octavian: Why not cut of his thumbs?
Titus Pullo: That's good enough. It's a start.

Gaius Octavian Caesar: This is absurd. I have no soldiery stuff in me, and this exertion brings on a fever. I feel it in my spleen.
Titus Pullo: You're just not used to it. It takes time. I've seen you kill. There's plenty of soldier in you.
Gaius Octavian Caesar: It's not the killing. It's the waving about of swords I find tedious. I dare say I can kill people readily enough as long as they're not fighting back.
Titus Pullo: Never fear young Dominus. We'll make a regular terror of you.
Gaius Octavian Caesar: At best I'll be a middling swordsman.
Titus Pullo: It's better than nothing.
Gaius Octavian Caesar: There you are wrong. The graveyards are full of middling swordsmen. Best not to be a swordsman at all than a middling swordsman.

"Rome: How Titus Pullo Brought Down the Republic (#1.2)" (2005)
Gaius Octavian: They say that Caesar is a war criminal, and that he intends to march his army on Rome.
Lucius Vorenus: That is sacrilege; no man of honour would follow him.
Titus Pullo: Well I'm no man of honour then... cause I say Caesar should ride in here! With *elephants* - and squash Pompey *and* Cato *and* anyone else that wants it. That's what I say!
Lucius Vorenus: That is because you govern your reason no better then you govern your tongue.

Titus Pullo: Here I come, girls! I'm gonna drink all the wine, smoke all the smoke and fuck every whore in the city.
Lucius Vorenus: Show some dignity. You're under the standard.
Titus Pullo: Well, talk to him!
[Points toward Marc Anthony, who is having sex in uniform with a young girl alongside the road]
Lucius Vorenus: He's not... under the standard.
Titus Pullo: Three hours away from a wife he hasn't seen in eight years. The man's terrified.
Gaius Octavian: Surely a reunion is a happy event.
Lucius Vorenus: Talk of something else!
Titus Pullo: What if she's lost her teeth? What if she's got skinny, or if she's been letting other men get between her legs?
Lucius Vorenus: Silence!

Titus Pullo: [giving Vorenus advice on pleasing women] Oh yes, and right above her cunny, there's a button. Pay attention to that button and she'll go wild.
Lucius Vorenus: [horrified] How do you know this of her?
Titus Pullo: They ALL have it. Ask anyone.

[Niobe brings a cup of mulled wine to the recovering Pullo]
Niobe: Here, I put in extra nutmeg, like you like.
Titus Pullo: Oh, marry me, divine goddess!
Niobe: What, a porcine object like you? Besides, I'm already wed... thanks be to evil spirits.
Titus Pullo: You're wrong, friend wife. He's a good man, your man.

"Rome: The Spoils (#1.11)" (2005)
Titus Pullo: Don't you talk the thirteenth!

[In his cell, awaiting execution, Pullo catches a single cockroach and holds it up to the sky]
Titus Pullo: Janus, Gaia and Dis, I humbly beg you accept this creature as my offering, and if it pleases you, I ask you to give Eirene long life... and same for my friend Lucius Vorenus and his family, if it's not too much. And let Eirene know, I'm sorry for what I did.
[crushes the cockroach]

[Marched into the arena, Pullo tosses down his sword and sits on the sand. The crowd boos]
Gladiator #1: Stand up and fight!
Titus Pullo: I don't want to.
Gladiator #1: That's not how it works. You're supposed to resist.
Titus Pullo: Not if I don't want to. I just want to die, all right? So go ahead and kill me and be done with it.
Gladiator #2: Bollocks!
[pokes Pullo with his spear]
Gladiator #2: Move!
Gladiator #1: What's wrong with you? Where's your dignity?
[No response]
Gladiator #2: Hey, soldier, wake up! Why don't you come here and suck my cock?
[No response]
Gladiator #1: Look, just hold your sword. Just stand up and hold it, that's all, you don't have to run about or anything.
Gladiator #2: You're naught but a bloody molly! You and the whole Thirteenth! Naught but bloody mollys!
Titus Pullo: [looks up] Don't talk the Thirteenth.
Gladiator #2: Eh?
Gladiator #2: I piss on the Thirteenth!
Gladiator #1: [laughing] Pigspawn, all of them.
[Picking up on the theme, the crowd laughs derisively]
Gladiator #2: Why don't you and the whole Thirteenth all line up and suck my...?
[Pullo grabs his spear and goes berserk]

"Rome: The Stolen Eagle (#1.1)" (2005)
Gaius Octavian: I am Gaius Octavian of the Julii. Great nephew of Julius Caesar.
Titus Pullo: Gaius who?
Gaius Octavian: I am a Roman citizen of noble birth. And I order you to cut these ropes.
Titus Pullo: Say please.
Gaius Octavian: Please.

Lucius Vorenus: Do you think of *nothing* but women?
Titus Pullo: What else is there?
[he thinks]
Titus Pullo: Food, I s'pose.

Titus Pullo: Me, I have simpler tastes. I like to kill my enemies, take their gold and enjoy their women.

"Rome: Passover (#2.1)" (2007)
Titus Pullo: [Pullo asks about the whereabouts of Vorenus' children] Tell him. If they're not harmed, you may yet live.
Erastes: Oh, you think so?

Titus Pullo: [Referring to Caesar's death] Sorry about your uncle.
Gaius Octavian: I am made his son by will.
Titus Pullo: Oh...
Titus Pullo: Congratulations?

"Rome: Stealing from Saturn (#1.4)" (2005)
Titus Pullo: Priests, crooks many of them. I just talk directly to whatever god I'm doing business with. Bugger the priests.

Gaius Julius Caesar: You're a thief - a foolish, incompetent thief. But you have served us well in the past so we will pretend your foolishness is a species of honesty and let you go unpunished. In fact, I think we should reward you. I do not like to quarrel with fortune and clearly she's taken you for a pet.
[to Marc Antony]
Gaius Julius Caesar: When you find the trove, give him a hundred gold pieces.
Titus Pullo: Thank you, Sir.
Mark Antony: As you wish.

"Rome: De Patre Vostro (About Your Father) (#2.10)" (2007)
[discussing Memmio]
Titus Pullo: He offered me peace terms.
Lucius Vorenus: And?
Titus Pullo: I headbutted the cunt, bit his tongue out.
Lucius Vorenus: And he took that as a no?

[last lines of the series]
Caesarion: So?
Titus Pullo: He bought it.
Caesarion: Brother Osiris, let me live to spit in his face and remind him of this day!
Titus Pullo: Didn't I tell you there'd be no more of that blather?
Caesarion: Blather? It's my sacred duty. By my blood, I will not rest until I have avenged my mother and redeemed my father's name.
Titus Pullo: Listen, about your father...

"Rome: Philippi (#2.6)" (2007)
[Pullo shows up to Cicero's villa to assassinate him]
Titus Pullo: So you Cicero, then?
[Cicero turns slowly]
Marcus Tullius Cicero: What is your name, young man?
Titus Pullo: Titus Pullo, sir. Late of the Thirteenth.
Marcus Tullius Cicero: Ah, the famous Titus Pullo. I'm honoured.
Titus Pullo: Likewise, honoured. Talk about famous. Everyone's heard of Cicero.
Marcus Tullius Cicero: [Smiles] Yes. I daresay, your work today will earn you immortality.
Titus Pullo: How's that?
Marcus Tullius Cicero: I will be in all the history books. My killer's name, no doubt, will live on also.
Titus Pullo: [Slightly disappointed] Ah, my name... thought you meant me.
[He looks aside]
Titus Pullo: Good peaches!
[Walks over to the peach tree]
Marcus Tullius Cicero: Yes, just getting ripe. Thee's no way... I can dissuade you from your task, I suppose? I have a great deal of money.
Titus Pullo: No, sorry. Normally, I'd be tempted, but you're far too important. Imagine the fuss: I get back and I haven't done my job.

[Cicero kneels. Pullo draws his sword and stands over him, then hesitates and turns to Tiro]
Titus Pullo: You might not want to watch this.

"Rome: Pharsalus (#1.7)" (2005)
[Vorenus and Pullo are stranded on an uninhabited island. Pullo tries to catch a fish with his spear]
Lucius Vorenus: Wasting your time! We'll die of thirst long before we die of hunger.
Titus Pullo: We could drink their blood.
[Pointing at the corpses of other soldiers lying on the beach]
Lucius Vorenus: Repeat?
Titus Pullo: All these dead men, we could drink their blood.
Lucius Vorenus: Too salty. Only makes you more thirsty. Putrid by now, anyway.

[Vorenus and Pullo are stranded on an island, awaiting their death]
Titus Pullo: I don't understand it. Something should've turned up by now. I am not meant to die this way.
Lucius Vorenus: You were misinformed.
Titus Pullo: Doesn't seem right.
Titus Pullo: Still... be good to see my mother again. Do you think they have a system, for finding people?
Lucius Vorenus: What?
Titus Pullo: In the afterlife? I mean, how do you-how do you go 'bout finding people? There must be millions.
Lucius Vorenus: There must be.
Titus Pullo: [pause] She wouldn't recognise me, probably. I was very young when she died.
[Another pause, as Vorenus shivers from the cold]
Titus Pullo: [sniggers] Probably give her a big scare though, huh? Big ugly brute coming along and giving her a hug.

"Rome: Utica (#1.9)" (2005)
[Vorenus, Pullo, and Niobe sit down to their last meal, while Erastes and his thugs are on their way to kill them]
Titus Pullo: Good bread, this.
Niobe: I bought the better kind. Hang the expense, eh?

"Rome: Kalends of February (#1.12)" (2005)
[a wounded Pullo explains why he came back to Rome]
Lucius Vorenus: "Women," he says. If you took a woman now, you'd come apart like an old sack!
Titus Pullo: [laughs, then winces] Ow...