Lucius Vorenus
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Quotes for
Lucius Vorenus (Character)
from "Rome" (2005)

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"Rome: An Owl in a Thornbush (#1.3)" (2005)
Lucius Vorenus: You heard what she said, she hates me!
Titus Pullo: What's your question?
Lucius Vorenus: How do I get her to stop hating me, obviously!
Titus Pullo: That's not obvious! I thought you were making her hate you for a purpose.
Lucius Vorenus: That was not my intent, why would I do that?
Titus Pullo: I don't know. You're the clever one.

[Vorenus unbuckles his sword belt]
Titus Pullo: What are you doing?
Lucius Vorenus: I've done my duty and I've sinned enough. I resign.
Titus Pullo: That's desertion.
Lucius Vorenus: [chuckles] I'm a traitor and a rebel. Why not a desertor as well?

[Titus is giving Lucius marital advice]
Titus Pullo: When you couple with her, there's a spot just above her cunny, it's like a little button. Now... attend to that button, and she will open up, like a flower.
Lucius Vorenus: [aghast] How do you know this about her?
Titus Pullo: *All* women have them! Ask anyone!

Lucius Vorenus: It makes no sense. We should have been stopped by now. Why is Rome not defended?
Titus Pullo: Our boys scared 'em off, eh?
Lucius Vorenus: Soldiers of the Republic do not run, so it must be a stratagem, a trick.
Titus Pullo: It's a good trick.
Lucius Vorenus: Unless the gods have abandoned Rome... If Mars were watching, he would not allow such a disgrace.
Titus Pullo: Maybe he was havin' a crap and missed it.

Lucius Vorenus: We should have been stopped by now. Why is Rome not defended?
Titus Pullo: Our boys scared 'em off, eh?
Lucius Vorenus: The soldiers of the Republic do not run... so it must be a strategem or trick...
Titus Pullo: Then it's a good trick!
Lucius Vorenus: ...unless the gods have abandoned Rome! If Mars were watching, he would not allow such a disgrace!
Titus Pullo: Or maybe he's off having a crap, and missed it.
Lucius Vorenus: It is that sort of disrespect that has brought us to this sad pass! If the gods are not respected, then why should they help us?

"Rome: Pharsalus (#1.7)" (2005)
[Vorenus and Pullo are stranded on an uninhabited island. Pullo tries to catch a fish with his spear]
Lucius Vorenus: Wasting your time! We'll die of thirst long before we die of hunger.
Titus Pullo: We could drink their blood.
[Pointing at the corpses of other soldiers lying on the beach]
Lucius Vorenus: Repeat?
Titus Pullo: All these dead men, we could drink their blood.
Lucius Vorenus: Too salty. Only makes you more thirsty. Putrid by now, anyway.

Gaius Julius Caesar: I ought to have you scourged and crucified! In the future, you will remember that it is *I* that offers mercy. No one else. Clear?
Lucius Vorenus: Clear, sir.
Gaius Julius Caesar: Dismissed!
[Vorenus and Pullo salute and leave]
Mark Antony: I do not like to disagree with you, but you are being far too lenient with him. He let Pompey go, and you let him live? The man should be made an example of!
Gaius Julius Caesar: Any other man, certainly. But those two... They found my stolen standard. Now they survive a wreck that drowned an army and find Pompey Magnus on a beach. They have powerful gods on their side, and I will not kill any man with friends of that sort.

[Vorenus and Pullo are stranded on an island, awaiting their death]
Titus Pullo: I don't understand it. Something should've turned up by now. I am not meant to die this way.
Lucius Vorenus: You were misinformed.
Titus Pullo: Doesn't seem right.
Titus Pullo: Still... be good to see my mother again. Do you think they have a system, for finding people?
Lucius Vorenus: What?
Titus Pullo: In the afterlife? I mean, how do you-how do you go 'bout finding people? There must be millions.
Lucius Vorenus: There must be.
Titus Pullo: [pause] She wouldn't recognise me, probably. I was very young when she died.
[Another pause, as Vorenus shivers from the cold]
Titus Pullo: [sniggers] Probably give her a big scare though, huh? Big ugly brute coming along and giving her a hug.

Lucius Vorenus: Surely Pompey had Caesar at greater disadvantage.
Pompey Magnus: He did... he did. It didn't seem possible to lose. That's always a bad sign.
Pompey Magnus: [Pompey begins to use a stick to draw the battlefield in the dirt] The battlefield was on a plain by a river at the foot of some low hills. Like this, you see. The lines met here. My men held their ground well, so I sent my horses at his right flank. Which is perfectly correct, you'll agree.
Lucius Vorenus: I do.
Pompey Magnus: Only the cowards were repulsed. Repulsed by a single cohort of reserves. Turned and fled, 200 horses. Crashed directly into my left flank. Rolled up my line like a carpet. Put the whole damn army to flight. And here I am. That's how Pompey Magnus was defeated. That's how the Republic died.

"Rome: How Titus Pullo Brought Down the Republic (#1.2)" (2005)
Lucius Vorenus: The republic should remain as it was at the founding of the republic, why should that change?
Gaius Octavian: Because the Roman people are suffering, because slaves have taken all the work, because nobles have taken all the land, and because the streets are filled with the homeless and the starving.

Gaius Octavian: They say that Caesar is a war criminal, and that he intends to march his army on Rome.
Lucius Vorenus: That is sacrilege; no man of honour would follow him.
Titus Pullo: Well I'm no man of honour then... cause I say Caesar should ride in here! With *elephants* - and squash Pompey *and* Cato *and* anyone else that wants it. That's what I say!
Lucius Vorenus: That is because you govern your reason no better then you govern your tongue.

Titus Pullo: Here I come, girls! I'm gonna drink all the wine, smoke all the smoke and fuck every whore in the city.
Lucius Vorenus: Show some dignity. You're under the standard.
Titus Pullo: Well, talk to him!
[Points toward Marc Anthony, who is having sex in uniform with a young girl alongside the road]
Lucius Vorenus: He's not... under the standard.
Titus Pullo: Three hours away from a wife he hasn't seen in eight years. The man's terrified.
Gaius Octavian: Surely a reunion is a happy event.
Lucius Vorenus: Talk of something else!
Titus Pullo: What if she's lost her teeth? What if she's got skinny, or if she's been letting other men get between her legs?
Lucius Vorenus: Silence!

Titus Pullo: [giving Vorenus advice on pleasing women] Oh yes, and right above her cunny, there's a button. Pay attention to that button and she'll go wild.
Lucius Vorenus: [horrified] How do you know this of her?
Titus Pullo: They ALL have it. Ask anyone.

"Rome: Caesarion (#1.8)" (2005)
Titus Pullo: [about Princess Cleopatra] That Gyppo princess, now that's good cunny.
Lucius Vorenus: Her father's people rode with Alexander, you can't speak of her like that.
Titus Pullo: She is, though. And she wants me badly.
[Vorenus laughs]
Titus Pullo: Should've seen her when I done that Nubian. Wet as October
Lucius Vorenus: Pullo, look at me. She is a princess of royal blood. You touch her, you die.
Titus Pullo: I'm not stupid. I'm just saying she wants me.

[Vorenus is commanded to see Cleopatra]
Charmian: Majesty commands you will enter her.
Lucius Vorenus: I do not understand.
Charmian: You have coitus with her.
Lucius Vorenus: [Aghast] You have it wrong. Coitus means to make babies!
Charmian: Exact! So, make babies.
[Cleopatra spreads her legs in anticipation]
Charmian: Don't be scared.
[the female slave starts to undress him]
Lucius Vorenus: I'm not scared. I just cannot do what you ask. It is not... it is not in our custom. Roman men are not used by women in this way.
Charmian: Come. You will enjoy it. My queen is an excellent lover.
[Cleopatra starts touching Vorenus with her foot, going from his chest to his crotch]
Charmian: [Vorenus is in doubt. Then he mounts her, but hesitates and steps back]
Cleopatra: What is he waiting for? He must do as he is told!
Charmian: Let me give you a hand.
Lucius Vorenus: [Shakes the slaves off of him] Get off! I must ask forgiveness of Your Majesty, but I cannot comply! I am no slave to be commanded so! With all respect...
Cleopatra: He *refuses*? This... insect refuses *me*?
Charmian: You dare refuse the daughter of a sun god?
[Vorenus turns around and storms out of Cleopatra's tent towards Pullo]
Lucius Vorenus: Pullo, report immediately to Princess Cleopatra and do as she says!
Titus Pullo: Eh?
Lucius Vorenus: You heard!
Titus Pullo: What's going on?
Lucius Vorenus: Just go!

[after Pullo has been ordered to have sex with Cleopatra]
Titus Pullo: [sighs] Gods, that was something...
Lucius Vorenus: Don't want to know! If you value your life, you won't speak of it again.
Titus Pullo: Why? I was only obeying orders. Bloody good orders, too.

"Rome: Egeria (#1.6)" (2005)
Titus Pullo: You should leave her maybe. Seeing as she makes you so unhappy.
Lucius Vorenus: No! No! I will not leave her!
[slumps on the ground]
Lucius Vorenus: I would rather die than leave her.
Titus Pullo: [pulls Vorenus to his feet, holds him close] It's alright, lamb. It will be alright.

[Vorenus is discussing his marital problems with Pullo]
Lucius Vorenus: I thought it was going well for a while, but now...
[he takes a sip from his drink]
Lucius Vorenus: Maybe I *should* beat her, do you think?
Titus Pullo: Oh, I don't know. That only works if you keep at it.
[Both men laugh]
Titus Pullo: A good thrashing once or twice a day till they're docile. But then they don't look so good. It'd be a shame to mark up a beauty like that.

Lucius Vorenus: [on ship, in a storm] ... a perfectly acceptable sacrifice wsa made to Triton!
Titus Pullo: [shouting thru the storm] Well, if Triton thinks that this is fine weather, he can SUCK MY COCK!
[the mainmast of the ship breaks]
Lucius Vorenus: Pullo, when will you ever learn to keep your fucking mouth shut!

"Rome: De Patre Vostro (About Your Father) (#2.10)" (2007)
[discussing Memmio]
Titus Pullo: He offered me peace terms.
Lucius Vorenus: And?
Titus Pullo: I headbutted the cunt, bit his tongue out.
Lucius Vorenus: And he took that as a no?

Mark Antony: [Antony and Vorenus are drunk on the eve of Octavian's assault on Cleopatra's palace] Do you believe there is an afterlife?
Lucius Vorenus: Of course.
Mark Antony: Well, there are people who say no. And this is all there is.
Lucius Vorenus: Who says that?
Mark Antony: Learned men. Greeks, probably.
Lucius Vorenus: Greeks?
Mark Antony: Hm.
Lucius Vorenus: [leaning forward] Greeks talk a whole pile of nonsense.
Mark Antony: Fuck 'em.
Lucius Vorenus: Fuck 'em.

"Rome: The Ram Has Touched the Wall (#1.5)" (2005)
Lucius Vorenus: Pullo you have no talent for peace.

Titus Pullo: Maybe I won't go back to camp. My time's nearly done anyway.
Lucius Vorenus: Leave the 13th? Why?
Titus Pullo: [hesitates] You did.
Lucius Vorenus: You're not me, you've no talent for peace.

"Rome: Son of Hades (#2.2)" (2007)
[from the trailer]
Lucius Vorenus: My name is Lucius Vorenus, and the Aventine is now mine.

Lucius Vorenus: Those who will not do business with me are my enemies.
Gaius Ignis Acerbo: And?
Lucius Vorenus: And they will die sooner than they think.
[the Aventine captains start to their feet]
Memmio: Remember blessed Concord!
[he gestures to the statue of the goddess]
Memmio: No menaces.
Lucius Vorenus: [derisively] Concord!
[he walks slowly to the statue, then grabs it and smashes it against the wall]
Lucius Vorenus: I am the son of Hades! I fuck Concord in her ARSE!

"Rome: The Stolen Eagle (#1.1)" (2005)
Lucius Vorenus: Pullo, when was the last time you were with a woman who wasn't crying or wanting payment?

Lucius Vorenus: Do you think of *nothing* but women?
Titus Pullo: What else is there?
[he thinks]
Titus Pullo: Food, I s'pose.

"Rome: Kalends of February (#1.12)" (2005)
Lucius Vorenus: Where is he?
Niobe: Who?
Lucius Vorenus: Your son!

[a wounded Pullo explains why he came back to Rome]
Lucius Vorenus: "Women," he says. If you took a woman now, you'd come apart like an old sack!
Titus Pullo: [laughs, then winces] Ow...

"Rome: Passover (#2.1)" (2007)
Erastes: I took your children in payment for your many slights to me. I fucked them. Then I killed them. And then I threw them in the river.
Lucius Vorenus: Aaaargh!
[chopps Erastes Fulmens head off]

"Rome: The Spoils (#1.11)" (2005)
Mascius: What are you doing here? I thought you said Pullo is dead to you.
Lucius Vorenus: He will be dead to all soon.

"Rome: Heroes of the Republic (#2.5)" (2007)
Lucius Vorenus: [to his men] These are my daughters, redeemed from slavery. The eldest has been prostituted, the boy is my wife's child by another man. You will treat them with respect and kindness! Or I will know the reason why.