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Quotes for
Xena (Character)
from "Xena: Warrior Princess" (1995)

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"Xena: Warrior Princess: Amphipolis Under Siege (#5.14)" (2000)
Xena: [after Xena's mom catches her making out with Ares] This is not what it looks like!
Ares, God of War: Yeah, it is.

Xena: [Xena speaks to the group of villagers gathered in Cyrene's tavern] All right, listen up. The last thing I wanted to do was to bring an army down on your heads, but I'm *not* sacrificing my child. Not for the sake of a *selfish* pack of Gods who don't give a *damn* about the human suffering they cause!

Xena: Why are you doing this, Athena? Ares I could understand; he's always out for himself, and Zeus was just clinging to power, but you...
[pause]
Xena: Of all the Olympians, you were the only one who ever seemed to deserve my respect.
Athena: I have no choice! The Fates have decreed it...
Xena: Warriors like us make our own fate!

Xena: Ares!
Ares, God of War: Hey, Xena! Have a change of heart? Well my offer still stands. I'm willing to protect you and your child, at no small amount of personal risk I might add.
Xena: And what if I decline? You ransack my hometown? Hold my mother hostage until I agree?
Ares, God of War: You got the wrong god. There's another who deals in mortal blood. Like all the gods, she knows your bundle of joy portents the demise of the Olympians.

Athena: Xena.
Xena: Athena. I would say it's an honor, but considering you're here to kill my baby, I'll skip the formalities.
Athena: I'm not unsympathetic, Xena. Consider the consequences of your actions. You would deprive these people of their gods, their faith? For the life of one child?
Cyrene: Hasn't this village given up enough of its children? I've already lost a son, and a grandson I've never even met. Well I won't give up this child, not even for the gods themselves!
Athena: And all of you! Are you that eager to die for this child?

Xena: I know who you are. You're Athena's new champion, Ilainus of Mycenae. You heal quickly. Or was that divine intervention?

Xena: You don't want to do that!

Xena: Some people just don't listen.

Xena: She's ransoming their lives for Eve's.

Xena: Ares!
Ares, God of War: Ow. Athena is beating you like a dog out there. Put a poultice on it. It's gotta sting.
Xena: Thanks.
Ares, God of War: Hey, don't feel bad. After all, you're fighting the goddess of wisdom and warfare.
Xena: Don't forget weaving.

Ares, God of War: So.
Xena: Ares.
Ares, God of War: Hmm?
Xena: I believe we discussed a deal.
Ares, God of War: Deal, deal deal deal deal. I don't know. Did we?
Xena: Cut the crap. I'm ready to bargain. You fight beside me, we can defeat Athena!
Ares, God of War: Maybe we can. Of course, if I side with you against my sister, I become a pariah on Olympus. So by helping you, my own fate is sealed. Oh I'm still interested. I just want to know what's in it for me?
Xena: What's in it for you? Me. You help me defeat Athena, and I'm yours.
Ares, God of War: You're mine?
Xena: For years you've been wanting me to be your warrior queen. Well, I'm offering you my sword, and the body that wields it.
Ares, God of War: It's uh, it's very tempting. But what about Olympus?
Xena: Olympus is doomed. Zeus is dead. Whatever happens here, their reign is over. You want immortality? A child is immortality. A legacy, a lineage. You help me save my daughter and you will be her father. Through her we can live forever.
Ares, God of War: Xena, I'm...
Xena: I'm offering you everything you ever wanted. Take it.
[They kiss]

Ares, God of War: No, no you don't.
Xena: What?
Ares, God of War: You're up to something. I have desired you from the very first time I saw you in battle. Now? After all these years, after all the games, the cat and the mouse. Will I, won't I? 'Ares, I'm yours. Take me.' Well, I'm sorry. It's too easy.
Xena: I am offering you a deal, and I don't go back on my promises.
Ares, God of War: No, no you don't. But you always come up with some way to mess with my head.

Xena: So, are we going to seal this deal, or what?
Ares, God of War: Sounds like a plan.

Ares, God of War: You're making a mistake. I would have kept to our bargain.
Xena: I know you would have. I've gotta do this my way.
Ares, God of War: What a surprise.

Gabrielle: Did you and Ares-?
Xena: No.
Ares, God of War: Not yet. Shall we conclude our transaction, Xena?
Xena: You know it's really kind of you, Ares, but I don't think I'm going to have take you up on your offer after all.
Ares, God of War: I saved your chi...
Xena: [Xena tosses the bundle at him] You saved my dolly.
Ares, God of War: Why do you continue to deny us? We had a deal. When we were fighting side by side, it's like we were one. Back there in the temple, can you tell me you didn't feel anything?
Xena: I felt nothing.
Ares, God of War: This isn't finished. As long as your child lives, they'll keep coming. And then you're gonna have to come to me for help.
[leaves]
Xena: I felt something.

Xena: You guys cut it pretty fine with that attack. Nearly ran out of foreplay. Just about had to go through with it.

Xena: That bomb was a little much, you know. It wasn't like I was wearing anything. I mean armor.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: A Day in the Life (#2.15)" (1997)
Gabrielle: Another one's fallen for you.
Xena: Again? What is it?
Gabrielle: Oh, the blue eyes... the leather. Men love leather.
Xena: I think it's time for a wardrobe change.
Gabrielle: Yeah. You could try wearing chainmail.
Xena: Nah. That'd just attract a kinkier group.

Xena: Oh... that's enough, Minya!
Gabrielle: She's in that, "I'll do anything for the Warrior Princess" haze!

Gabrielle: You know, her boyfriend is in love with you. Guess I'll have to straighten that out too.
Xena: You? Why you?
Gabrielle: Because *I* do the sensitive chats.

Gabrielle: [Xena has destroyed a frying pan using it as a weapon] Xena, this was our only frying pan. Why do you do that? You do have weapons, don't you?
Xena: I like to be creative in a fight. It gets my juices going.
Gabrielle: Can we cook with your juices?

Minya: [Minya is playing with Xena's whip] The rotten thing came back and bit me!
Xena: You gotta be careful with it. What are you doing with my whip, anyway?
Minya: It isn't your whip, anymore. I traded my best frying pan for it, fair and square.
Gabrielle: Look, we have to cook our food. I am still waiting for the fish I had for lunch to stop brying to swim upstream!
Xena: No, this isn't about cooking, is it?
Gabrielle: I don't know what you're talking about.
Xena: I messed with your scroll, so you... You traded my whip for a frying pan? I want it back.
Minya: No! It belongs to me! You don't get that concept very well, do you? The whip is mine. The frying pan's yours. Hower is mine! She's yours.

Xena: [in a bathtub with Gabrielle] Are you sitting on the soap?
Gabrielle: I was wondering what that was... Hmmm...

Gabrielle: [Referring to a man who is leading Xena and Gabrielle to his village to for them to protect] Another one's fallen for you.
Xena: Again? Why does this always happen?
Gabrielle: It's the blue eyes, the leather. Some guys just love leather.
Xena: I think a wardrobe change is in order.
Gabrielle: You could wear chain mail.
Xena: Yeah, but I think that'd just attract a kinkier group.

Xena: [Sees Gabrielle using her chakram weapon to cut fish] Gabrielle! What do you think you're doing? Oh, that's just great. It's gonna smell like fish for days!
Gabrielle: Well what was I supposed to use, huh? You threw our only good cutting knife at a warlord last week.

Gabrielle: Xena, you know, you should have asked for instructions while you had the pinch on that guy.
Xena: Well, you were there. why didn't you ask him?
Gabrielle: Oh, like you would want me to butt in on one of your pinch interrogations.
Xena: Why not? You ask good questions.
Gabrielle: Really? Thank you.
[she giggles happily]

Gabrielle: [Gabrielle swings her staff at Xena's face however Xena catches it mere centimetres from her nose] Ah, I almost got you that time.
Xena: No you didn't.
Gabrielle: What are you talking about? I was *this close*.
Xena: You were *this close* because I let you get this close.
Gabrielle: We'll see.

Gabrielle: You used my scrolls?
[Gabrielle walks towards Xena]
Xena: Now, take it easy. There were no good leaves in the bush. I used a piece that didn't have much writing on it!


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Return of the Valkyrie (#6.9)" (2000)
Xena: What's the matter with your men? They look like they've seen a ghost.
Wiglaf: No, not a ghost: a legend. All these men can talk of is a chance to see you in action. To tell you the truth, I'm...
Beowulf: ...about to go and polish your blade. Is that right, Wiglaf?
Wiglaf: Fine, send me away.

Xena: I could have done so much good for the Viking people.
Beowulf: The Xena I remember could do more good with this sword than a hundred Viking queens could ever do. And the Xena I remember could never forget what happened in that swamp, the face of Gabrielle, the most loyal friend in the world.
Xena: I remember none of these things.
Beowulf: You may not remember them, but they are inside you.

Wiglaf: That's what Vikings do! Fighting gives our lives meaning!
Xena: Fighting gives your lives meaning. Do you have any idea how stupid that is?
Beowulf: Yeah? Well, it didn't sound stupid when it came from you.
Xena: From me?
Beowulf: Long ago it was Xena who first taught Odin to embrace violence and bloodlust.
Xena: Well, if that is true then I know I am not this Xena.

Odin: Do you know who I am?
Xena: She said your name is Odin, but I don't know you from your horse.

Xena: [to the vision of Gabrielle] Are you a demon? Or my own mind made mad?
Gabrielle: [as a vision] I am the truth of who you are. Our souls are united, Xena.
Beowulf: Xena? Xena, are you all right?
Xena: Yes. This Gabrielle truly loved Xena, didn't she?
Beowulf: And will till the end of time. Gabrielle saved you from what you were, as you must now save her.
Beowulf: I've heard the men talking. They say that Xena created this monster that awaits us.
Beowulf: Grinhilda.
Xena: It's true, then.
Beowulf: I have waited a long time to return this to you.
[He gives to Xena her chakram]
Xena: What's it for?
Beowulf: You'll know. When the time comes, you'll know.

Gabrielle: I dreamed you'd come back for me.
Xena: It was like I was in a dream, too. I forgot everything. But even though I didn't remember you, I felt your presence, and knew that I would never be complete unless those shadows were brought into the light. Beowulf!
Brunnhilda: Xena... The ring.
Gabrielle: The ring. Xena, don't put it on again.

Xena: [to Monster Grinhilda] I forged this ring. Now I have to use it to undo the evil it has caused. Grinhilda, listen to me. You weren't always this way. It was my actions that turned you into this beast. Grinhilda, I put the evil into this ring. I can undo it, too, if only...! Grinhilda, you must listen to me. Grinhilda, look inside your heart. Find the woman you once were. Forgive me. Forgive me. Forgive me.

Xena: That's right. Beowulf, I'll always be indebted to you for bringing me back here.
Beowulf: Hey, I needed the best. The legends didn't lie, Xena, you are the greatest warrior I've ever known.

Xena: Thirty-five years ago... The shame of it makes if feel like it was yesterday.
Gabrielle: Memories are powerful, Xena. I'm so thankful that yours brought you back to me.
Xena: But there's one that's still troubling me.

First Rhein Maiden: What magic has made Xena into such a noble creature, that she would give up the power of the Rheingold?
Xena: [Looking at Gabrielle] It wasn't magic.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Looking Death in the Eye (#5.19)" (2000)
Celesta: By holding me here, you're condemning to eternal suffering those who would otherwise find their peace.
Xena: Lady, since we last met I've decided you cause a lot more suffering than you end.
Celesta: Death is nothing to fear Xena, for I only visit those whose rightful time is...
Xena: Rightful time?
[pause]
Xena: Who decides when it's the rightful time? You are at the beck and call of every warlord and murderer.
[pause]
Xena: Solan, my only son... his rightful time came when someone else decided it should and you came running, no questions asked! You didn't end the suffering of my little boy, Celesta...
[pause]
Xena: You stole his life! And Marcus, and Lyceus...
Celesta: Your brother...
Gabrielle: Xena...
Xena: Lyceus. Lyceus! He wasn't just a brother he was my best friend. You know, growing up, he was everything to me. He accepted me for who and what I was. And if you hadn't taken him, he would have grown up to be something...
Gabrielle: Xena, don't do this.
Xena: [crying] What?
Gabrielle: She's immortal! She'll never understand the pain of losing someone!
Xena: Yes she will. Yes she will...
[to Celesta]
Xena: 'Cause you have a brother, too.
Celesta: Yes, Hades. He's my only family, the first to accept me for who and what I am.
[pause]
Celesta: I may not agree with his recent actions, Xena, but I believe he thinks he's doing what is right. He's always been true to his convictions and, sometimes that makes him a little stubborn, but I believe it is his noblest quality. To lose him, is, unthinkable.
[she starts crying]
Xena: And what if he lost you? What would he say about that?
Celesta: [cries] I may never know!
Xena: [as Xena wipes her tears away] Death can end suffering, Celesta.
[pause]
Xena: Suffering just begins for those left behind.

Kara: [Old Joxer is finished reading Gabrielle's scroll to his kids] What happened, Daddy?
Joxer: Uh, well it's the end of the scroll, Pumpkin, but it's not the end of the story.
Theon: How do you know?
Joxer: Because I was there...
Xena: [Flashback to younger Joxer as he watches Xena and Gabrielle from the woods; they are seen running away towards a beach on carriage with horses. Presumably, the baby Eve is inside the wagon. Athena's archers line up and fire at the wagon. Xena ducks the arrows as Athena appears. Xena rides the wagon through the archers; they retreat. Xena rides the wagon to the cliff, which looks down over the beach and the ocean. She turns and rides along the edge of the cliff] Come on!
[Athena's archers are shown lining up near the cliff prepared to fire]
Xena: Gabrielle!
[Gabrielle throws her sais and kills two of Athena's archers. The rest of the archers regroup and form a line in front of the wagon]
Xena: Whoa!
[as the remaining archer's fire, Xena stops the wagon and throws her chakram, knocking out the archers. Athena draws her sword and raises it over her head. It forms a fireball which hits the wagon and detaches the horses from the wagon]
Xena: GABRIELLE!
[Gabrielle is seemingly struck by Athena's fireball and falls backward on the wagon]
Athena: It ends now!
Xena: Gabrielle!
[Athena raises her sword, Hephaestus lifts his hammer and Hades is shown raising his hand. Athena throws her sword, Hephaestus throws his hammer and Hades shoots a green bolt; their powers hit the wagon and seemingly annihilates it, sending the wreckage off the ocean cliff and throwing Xena and Gabrielle out on the sand. Xena rises up from the crash and examines the seemingly dead Gabrielle]
Xena: Gabrielle?
[Gabrielle appears to be dead. Xena walks over to the wagon for baby Eve but the wagon is engulfed in flames]
Xena: Eve? Eve? Eve?
[Xena starts to sob]
Xena: EVE? Oh!
Athena: [Athena examines the crash] The prophecy has been shattered.
Xena: [screams] NO!
Joxer: [Joxer watches Xena from the woods] Oh, no...
Xena: [Xena moves to the presumed dead Gabrielle] Gabrielle? Gabrielle? Oh Gabrielle!
[Xena rolls Gabrielle over and holds her. She starts to cry]
Joxer: Oh, Gods!
Xena: [Xena sobs and stands as she faces the Gods] Each to his own.
[Xena unshields her sword and places it at her chest]
Xena: YOU TO YOURS AND ME TO MINE!
Ares, God of War: [as Xena tries to stab herself, Ares appears and takes her sword away from her] No, Xena! Don't...
[Xena takes out a tiny bottle and drinks what it appears to be poison]
Xena: Ares... you can't stop me this time.
Ares, God of War: No...
Xena: It's over. It's over.
[pause]
Xena: Join your family. Tell them it's a package deal. They get me, too!
[Xena looks as she's dead as Ares holds her lifeless body]

Gabrielle: What is that?
Xena: It's poison.
[Gabrielle pushes her hand away]
Xena: Only if you drink it.

Xena: So you're the God of Arts and Crafts. What do you do for a hobby?
Hephaestus: Help my family kill your child by first killing you, Xena.
Xena: No, that's a perversion, not a hobby.

Celesta: Your confrontation with Hephaestus. That's exactly what you wanted, how you lured me to you.
Xena: Believe me, lady, if there was a better way for us to hook up, I'd have done it.

Celesta: Xena, you should know that my brother, and Athena, and all Olympus will stop at nothing to find me.
Xena: Then they'd better hurry up, because if I'm not mistaken, Celesta, when this candle burns out, you die. Imagine that. Death of Death herself. And me and my kid will live forever.
Celesta: Xena, this isn't like you. Or you, Gabrielle. At one time you both fought to free me.
Xena: You're right, somehow motherhood has made me harder.
Celesta: Even giving birth to a child isn't enough to sway someone so grounded in their beliefs.
Xena: And how is that?
Celesta: By holding me here, you're condemning to eternal suffering those who would otherwise find their peace.

Xena: I won't lose another child.

Xena: Athena! We were just going on a tour ride to celebrate being immortal.

Xena: Why are you always asking for something you are never going to get?


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Heart of Darkness (#6.3)" (2000)
Archangel Michael: You dare talk of heaven, when you've besmirched so many souls with your nefarious filth?
Xena: Besmirched... is that even a real word?

Xena: You and I have much in common.
Lucifer: Of course we do. You're a mortal female with a lying tongue, savage tendencies, and a blonde girlfriend. I'm a celibate archangel in the service of the Lord.

Xena: Eve, sweetheart... if you can't stand the heat... then maybe you should get the hell out of my kitchen!
Eve: Or stay and put out the fire.
[Gabrielle hits Eve on the head with a metal fish statue]
Gabrielle: No one likes a party-pooper.

Xena: [to Lucifer] You don't mind if I call Luci, do you?

Gabrielle: [after Xena failed to send Lucifer into the portal of Hell] You were supposed to throw him in the portal.
Xena: Yeah? Well, he wasn't ready!
Gabrielle: Xena, no one is *ready* to go to Hell. That's the point.
Xena: Really? Well, you and Virgil were lookin' ready to burn not long ago!
Gabrielle: [shrugs] Yeah? So what?
Xena: [smiles] Evil, the dark side! It's intoxicating, isn't it?
Gabrielle: Oh yeah, it's intoxicating!

Eve: You may not be descending to Mephistopheles' throne voluntarily, but obviously it's coming up to claim its new queen...
Xena: You mean its rightful ruler.
Gabrielle: That would be you.
Xena: Not if I can find someone else to take my place.
[looks at Lucifer]
Xena: Him.
Gabrielle: You're gonna turn an archangel into the king of Hell?
Xena: Oh, he's less of an angel than I am. He just doesn't know it yet!
Gabrielle: So, how do you plan on making him *see* the light?
Xena: [coolly] By showing him how much he's gonna *love* the dark!

Eve: Eli says, "To corrupt another is to corrupt yourself..."
Xena: Evie!
[She stands and leads Eve with her to look at Lucifer]
Xena: Listen. Fruit rots from the inside out. It's not called corruption if you just peel away the layers to expose the rotten core.
[pause]
Xena: That is, unless you want Mommy to go to Hell.
[Eve shakes her head]
Xena: Well, then...

Eve: [when Xena and her friends crashes the temple to party] Mother, your purpose will not be served by subjecting this temple or this town to further desecration!
Xena: It's not desecration, Eve! We're just throwing a farewell bash for our celestial guest, assuming that he'll give us the pleasure.
Lucifer: The pleasure's all mine, Xena; because the farewell I'll be celebrating is yours.
Gabrielle: You should listen to your mother, Eve. She knows what she's doing.
Eve: I wouldn't be so sure, Gabrielle! Not anymore.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Been There, Done That (#3.2)" (1997)
Gabrielle: We've repeated the that many times
Xena: Yes
Gabrielle: But I...
Xena: No, No, Yes, No, I tired that, yes both ways, no I don't know, no again, are there any more questions? Good

Gabrielle: Xena, it just doesn't make sense. Who do you think?
Xena: It's not the Fates; it's not Ares; it's not something that I ate. No, I have no poison dart marks. I have no Bacchae bites.
[Shows her neck]
Joxer: Is that a hickey?
[Both Xena and Gabrielle look away slightly embarrassed]

Joxer: You know the enemy of my enemy is often considered my friend.
Xena: [exasperated] Joxer...
[pauses and looks at Lycos and Menos]
Xena: Go ahead.
Joxer: [surprised] Really?
Xena: Go ahead.
Joxer: Yeah but you don't eve... I knew this would happen someday, you and me on the same wavelength, two great minds, one thought.
Gabrielle: Only half a wit.

Gabrielle: [Xena hums the funeral song as Joxer's body burns on a floating pyre in the river. Gabrielle looks at Xena] Xena, I shouldn't have sent him after those goose eggs...
Xena: [quietly] Gabrielle, Joxer died a hero, just like he always wanted.
[pause]
Xena: There's no blame here!
[Gabrielle starts to cry as Xena holds her]
Xena: Hey, come here. Maybe we should get some rest, hmm?
Gabrielle: [cries] No, I don't think I can...
Xena: Yeah, sure you can. Come on.
[pause]
Xena: Sleep now. It'll hurt less in the morning...
Joxer: [Morning; the rooster crows again and Xena wakes up, finding herself and Gabrielle in the same barn as the morning before. Joxer comes in the barn] Rise and shine, everyone!
[pause]
Joxer: Rise and shine!
[Xena just stares at him, completely shocked]

Xena: Joxer. Joxer? You should be dead!
Joxer: True! A man like me should have died a thousand times, if not for my prodigious skill and nerves of steel! Yeah.
Xena: COME HERE, YOU!
[Xena happily grabs Joxer's head and gives him a noogie]
Joxer: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Xena: [to herself while Joxer listens] Every day, the rooster crows, Joxer walks in, the horseshoe falls, I save the old man, stop a duel and then the whole thing starts all over again...
Joxer: Maybe it's the rooster.
[Xena suddenly jerks her head up]
Joxer: [Sundown; the rooster clucks. Xena throws her chakramn at the rooster and its feathers fly everywhere]

Xena: Gabrielle, did you know that Joxer simply adores you?
Joxer: Could I speak to you privately?
Xena: He would crawl 50 miles on broken glass, just to sweat in your shadow.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Succession (#5.3)" (1999)
Gabrielle: [as bad guys are seen flying back from fighting] Xena, that guy was mine!
Xena: I can handle it!
Gabrielle: Yeah, well, I can help you! Xena!
Xena: Stay back Gabrielle!
Gabrielle: [to herself] I'm not a kid anymore. You think that she would know that!

Mavican: [while fighting Xena] No weapons, no Gabrielle. Just you and me! What's the matter Xena? Can't get in that killing blow? Oh, wait Ares said you can't kill me! Just too much on your mind to fight straight, huh? And the sun's going down. What kind of a fighter are you in the dark?
Xena: You know what, sweetie? You *talk* too much!

Ares, God of War: Hey! Just stop it! Stop it right now!
[column falls and Ares looks outraged]
Ares, God of War: What in the name of me do you think you're doing?
Mavican: Getting your attention!
Ares, God of War: By destroying Demeter's temple? No. See, destroying temples in the name of other gods, we just don't do it.
Mavican: Who cares about her? I'll destroy a thousand of her temples if I have to! I told you I was good. Tell him! Tell him how good I am, Xena!
Xena: Good enough to die young.

Xena: I don't get it, Ares. All this just to see your new girlfriend fight?
Ares, God of War: No. Watch my old girlfriend fight. I missed it.

Mavican: I hate to kill you, Xena. There's so many things I could learn from you. Like how do you know when you're about to be attacked?
Xena: Just always assume you will be.
Mavican: Oh, so it's more philosophical than a gift. Must be tiring on the soul. Thanks.

Mavican: Ares! Ares! Help me! Help me!
Ares, God of War: Mavican, are you asking for my help?
Mavican: Yes, I'm asking for your help, God of War!
Xena: She's asking for your help.
[Xena looks triumphant. Ares opens the portal home and Xena jumps through]
Mavican: What are you doing, Ares? You said I could ask!
Ares, God of War: Yeah, I said you could. I never said you should.

Gabrielle: You said anyone could ask for your help.
Xena: Years ago, Ares said to me that anyone who asks for his help doesn't deserve it. So when Mavican asked...
Gabrielle: She lost.
Ares, God of War: I really gotta be more careful with my riddles.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Who's Gurkhan? (#6.4)" (2000)
Eve: She doesn't have what it takes to kill in cold blood. Do you think I inherited that talent from you, Mother?
Xena: You certainly had a gift.
Eve: Yeah, I did.

Gabrielle: If you're trying to scare me, Eve... why were you in Mogador?
Eve: I was selling slave girls.
Gabrielle: Calm way your daughter talks about her past.
Xena: She knows what I know: there's nothing you can do to change the past. You can only work to make the future better.

Eve: [about Gabrielle] She wants to kill Gurkhan. For you or me that might have been an interesting challenge once upon a time, but for her...
Xena: It's a suicide mission.

Xena: [to the slaves girls in Gurkhan's harem] All right, girls... We're going on a cruise. Anyone care to come?

Gurkhan: [motions to Gabrielle on the other side of the bedroom] Join us, little one...
Xena: [Xena starts seducing Gurkhan, making him comfortable and relaxed on his bed. She suddenly puts the pinch on him, paralyzing his body so he can't move] Take that, ya dirty bastard!
Xena: [Xena moves to Gabrielle and holds a very sharp dagger over her shoulder] If you're going to do it, do it now...
[Gabrielle closes her eyes, takes the dagger and moves on Gurkhan]

Xena: [after dancing] I have a request.
Gurkhan: Yes?
Xena: Sarah's head on a plate!
Gurkhan: [startled] Where did you hear that name?
[pause]
Gurkhan: [Gurkhan chuckles] Very well, I'll give you Sarah's head!
[he snaps his fingers to the guards]
Sarah: [shocked] GURKHAN! How can you do this?
[his guards lead Sarah in the dungeon]

Xena: It will have blood, Gabrielle. Blood will have blood!
Gabrielle: [yeling] Don't talk to me about consequences, Xena! That man murdered my mother and father!
[pause]
Gabrielle: Now I kill him!


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Eternal Bonds (#5.13)" (2000)
Ares, God of War: Rat? This is the thanks I get for delivering you from a storm?
Xena: Right into the hands of assassins?
Ares, God of War: Well it sure beats playing tag with a tornado. Besides, I knew you could take them.
Xena: Thanks for the vote of confidence.

Xena: If it was Apollo's man who cut you, then it's poisoned. Without an antidote, you'll die.

Gabrielle: Xena, let's just say that he was not poisoned. Then I would be leaving you and Eve alone for nothing.
Xena: Are you willing to gamble Joxer's life on that?

Ares, God of War: Baptism by blood. How fitting.
Xena: Can't you take a hint?
Ares, God of War: I'm here to help you.
Xena: That's what you said last time in Tartarus when you tried to convince me that you loved me.
Ares, God of War: I do. I love it when you play hard to get. That's why I'm here, to prove it to you.
Xena: Then you're wasting my time! I'd never swallow that.
Ares, God of War: Thanks to that kid of yours, I am dying! Do why would I lie?
Xena: Because you're Ares. You always lie.
Ares, God of War: Well not anymore. All I want is to end my life the way it really started, fighting side by side with you.
Xena: You forget that I fight against scum like you.
Ares, God of War: And so will I. A fight is a fight, no matter which side you're on.

Ares, God of War: How did we ever let things get this way between us?
Xena: Could it have been when you used the Furies to drive me insane? Or when you turned yourself into my father just to torment me? Or was it coming on to my best frie...
Ares, God of War: Enough said! Perhaps I've been a tad overzealous. But all I want is to have you back. To have things the way they were before. But all that's changed.
Xena: That's right it's changed.
Ares, God of War: There is no going back. You've seen to that. I have a short span of time and then
[snaps fingers]
Ares, God of War: I'm gone.
Xena: Well you'll forgive me if I don't wear mourning.
Ares, God of War: The question is do you forgive me? I want to be with you, Xena, and I will do whatever it takes to make that happen. To prove myself to make you trust me.
Xena: [after stopping another assassin] You saved her!
Ares, God of War: No, the spring you rigged saved her. I just pitched relief.
Xena: But Eve means your death.
Ares, God of War: You still don't get it. I would sooner die in your arms than live without you in mine.

Xena: I knew this had your stink all over it.
Ares, God of War: Well I had to do something to get your attention. You're always walking away.
Xena: With good reason. I knew all your talk was lies!
Ares, God of War: You're wrong. I'm more than willing to fight beside you. Be a father to Eve, and to a child of our own.
Xena: That's your game! Now that you fear you're checking out you want a child to carry on your line?
Ares, God of War: I know it's not real immortality, but it's better than nothing. Besides, mortals do it all the time. Why not me?
Xena: Because you're a conniving bastard, that's why not you!
Ares, God of War: Only because you never believe me when I'm trying to be sincere.
Xena: Sincere?
Ares, God of War: I'm trying, okay? Every god on Mount Olympus is targeting you. Even now three temple armies are closing in. Now all I'm asking is your word we'll be together, have a child, and I'll make all this go away. I swear.
Xena: You're asking me to give up the future? Well I won't do that even if it means sacrificing my life.
Ares, God of War: Even if it means Joxer's life? Or Gabrielle's? Or Eve's?

Xena: You're not a dream. You're my worst nightmare!


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Is There a Doctor in the House? (#1.24)" (1996)
Xena: Gabrielle, come on. You're going to be fine!
[Gabrielle starts convulsing. Her body is jerking uncontrollably]
Marmax: What's happening?
Xena: I don't know! Gabrielle!
Hippocrates: [Gabrielle suddenly stops and lies still]
[pause]
Hippocrates: She's dead.
Xena: No, she is not dead. I wouldn't let her.
[Xena starts stroking Gabrielle to wake her up]
Xena: Come on, Gabrielle, wake up. Come on, wake up. Come on, wake up. You're scaring me, wake up!
[Xena grabs Gabrielle and cradles her lifeless body]
Xena: Gabrielle, breathe. Wake up and breathe!

Marmax: [Over Gabrielle dying] Xena.
[pause]
Marmax: Xena! It's time to stop now. Let her cross over peacefully...
Xena: What do you know? You've killed so many!
Marmax: So have you.

Hippocrates: We'd like to observe your work.
Xena: These people need care, not another pair of eyes gawking at them. You got a lot of customers. Get to work. It's too late for him, but there are others that can be saved.
[pause]
Xena: You need to separate out the ones that can be saved from the ones that can't.
Hippocrates: How can we be sure?
Xena: You need to choose.

Xena: [as she treats the wounded Gabrielle] Keep that soldier awake. If he falls asleep, he may never wake up.
Galen: She should have hit him an inch lower. She could have killed the monster.
Xena: She knew that, that's why he's still alive.
Marmax: Are you telling me that she'd rather die than take the life of a man she doesn't even know?
Marmax: Gabrielle lives by her own code. That code doesn't include killing.

Xena: [as she moves over to Gabrielle's unconscious body] Gabrielle, you know, if I could do it all over again, I'd take the southern route.
[sadly]
Xena: I'm so sorry!
Marmax: She may well pull through...
Xena: You were right, I shouldn't have brought her here...
Marmax: I guess we all make mistakes...
Xena: My pride may have killed my best friend.

Gabrielle: I can't bear to think of all the innocents who suffer because of this madness! Someone has to stop it. Come on, Xena, not even you can stop an entire war!
[Xena raises her head]
Gabrielle: All right! Well look, I did not mean that as a challenge...
Xena: Stay here with Ephiny.
Gabrielle: What are- what are you going to do?
Xena: I'm gonna find a safe place for Ephiny to have her baby.
[pause]
Xena: And then I'm gonna stop this war.
[Xena walks away]
Gabrielle: [whispers loudly] I've got to learn to keep my mouth shut!


"Xena: Warrior Princess: The Bitter Suite (#3.12)" (1998)
Xena: I didn't kill you, I killed an illusion!
Gabrielle: Is that supposed to make me feel better?

Gabrielle: What's causing that?
Xena: We are. Or I should say, you are.
Gabrielle: There you go again. You're always blaming me for everything!
[echoes increase]
Gabrielle: Xena, why is it never your fault?
Xena: It's the past! Each time we accuse each other about the past, the echoes start and we can't hear one another!
Gabrielle: How do we stop it?
Xena: Tell me how you feel! Right now, nothing about the past! Right now!

Xena: My heart is hurting beyond words. The pain is tearing up my soul. These days have seen my spirit die, my life propelled out of control.
Xena: My wounds lie naked to the world, my depth of suffering exposed. This damaged past can never heal until this nightmare book is closed.
Gabrielle: My heart is hurting beyond words. The pain is tearing up my soul. Please tell me, how can I retrieve the life that all this sadness stole?

Xena: [sings] I never dreamed that we'd be distanced by our hate, that all the trust we had would go...
Gabrielle: [sings] How could I hate you?
Xena: [sings] How could it come to pass, this awful twist of fate?
Gabrielle: [sings] How could I hurt you?
Xena: [sings] This madness can't be so!
Gabrielle: [sings] I can't believe it...
Xena: [sings] I never dreamed that any barriers could rise,
Gabrielle: [sings] Or that I'd ever see the stranger in your eyes!
Xena: [sings] Our hearts were hurting both the same...
Gabrielle: [sings] The hurt was tearing up our souls!
Xena: [sings] The fury in us made us blind...
Gabrielle: [sings] We could not see beyond the pain!
Xena: [sings] If we can turn again to love...
Gabrielle: [sings] If we can heal these open wounds!
Xena: [sings] We'll leave this hatred far behind,
Gabrielle: [sings] So not a trace of hate remains!
Xena, Gabrielle: [singing] We'll overcome our damaged past, and we'll grow stronger side by side to stand together through the storm. We're safe 'cause love will be our guide!

Xena: [Xena sees Ares sitting on the throne; Xena talks to him] Ares... I thought as much, but why the big production number? What's the point?
Ares: [begins singing] You are the most divine delicious warrior. / A man can't help saluting your return. / And if you start my heart it's just the way you slash and burn./ Bewitching woman straining at the armor plates. / You singe me with the ardor you inflame./ And in my carnal heart there's not a solid thread of shame.
[cuts Xena's shoulder straps, causing her dress to fall to the ground around her ankles, leaving her completely naked in front of Ares and his soldiers; Xena glares at him in disbelief and defiance]

Xena: [singing to Gabrielle] Forgive me and you'll discover too, that the love of your love is you...


"Xena: Warrior Princess: The Haunting of Amphipolis (#6.2)" (2000)
Xena: My mother's soul is trapped. My daughter is half dead. And the portal to Hell opened up in my backyard!

Xena: [while fighting Mephistopheles] I'm just a little distracted by your *good looks*!

Mephistopheles: You're hold back, Xena! Is something bothering you?
Xena: Other than your *STENCH*?
Mephistopheles: [angrily] WHAT?

Mephistopheles: [rejoicing after being sent on earth] I AM *AT LAST* MADE *FLESH*!
Xena: [scoffs] Enjoy it while it lasts!
[Mephistopheles charges towards Xena and they fight]

Xena: Gabrielle?
Mephistopheles: [Gabrielle is being possessed by Mephistopheles] She's with me, Xena!
Xena: Mephistopheles, why are you doing this to my family?
Mephistopheles: [possessed in Gabrielle's body] I seek the Messenger of Eli... your daughter!
Xena: What do you want with her?
Eve: [Eve runs into the room] He knows I can do this...
[pause]
Eve: In the name of Eli and all the powers of Heaven, I command this evil presence to be cast out!
[she touches Gabrielle's body, but nothing happens]
Xena: [to Mephistopheles] Why have you come here?
Mephistopheles: [possessed through Gabrielle] You killed the Olympian gods, Xena. The time has come for my reign to begin! I shall inherit the Earth! When your blood is spilled, Eve, I'll be made flesh!
Xena: It will never happen Mephistopheles! Never!
Mephistopheles: [possessed through Gabrielle] Your mother cried out for you, Xena... even at the end.
Mephistopheles: [Mephistopheles shows Xena a vision of what happened to her mother when she was burned at the stake and cried out her name as she was dying] I helped eat her soul, Xena! She'll spend eternity reliving only agony you put into her life! Unless you spill your daughter's blood and bring me into the world.
Eve: No!
[Eve repeats her chant]
Mephistopheles: Damn you! I leave this body, Xena, but I'll keep your mother's soul! Do you want your mommy? Release me into the world!
Xena: Again, Eve. Do it again, now!
[Eve repeats her chant and Mephistopheles is cast out of Gabrielle's body]

Mephistopheles: You can't hurt me in the spirit world... Xena!
Xena: [smirks] No harm in trying!


"Xena: Warrior Princess: The God You Know (#6.12)" (2001)
Gabrielle: [Villagers lie dead in a field. Xena and Gabrielle walk through them] Xena, what kind of animal would do this?
Xena: [Michael appears. Xena suddenly draws her sword on him] What do you *want*, Michael?
Archangel Michael: I sense hostility. I want you to know I'm all right with that.
Xena: Well, that is big of you, considering last time you saw me, you tried to have me cast down into *Hell*...
Archangel Michael: Desperate times warrant desperate measures.
[pause]
Archangel Michael: As you see, some new desperate times have arrived.
Xena: [referring to the dead innocent villagers] Who *did* this?
Archangel Michael: Caligula.
[pause]
Archangel Michael: You know his reputation.
Xena: He's a psycho, a sex addict and a murderer; your run-of-the-mill Roman emperor...
Gabrielle: And he thinks he's a God.
Archangel Michael: No, he *is* a God.
Xena: He's immortal? But how did that happen?
Archangel Michael: I don't know. What's important is that the God of Eli gave you the power to kill Gods. You're the only one who can stop Caligula. He killed Tiberius in order to gain power - murdered every last member of his family. He's slain anybody who won't swear allegiance to his Cult of Blood. He wants to write his name into the history books as one of the Great Gods of the Pantheon. And he'll destroy anyone who won't submit to him.
Xena: Including angels, no doubt.
Archangel Michael: [smirks] And, uh, the followers of Eli.
Xena: [pause] If anything's happened to Eve, Michael...
Archangel Michael: Not yet, but your daughter has the courage of her convictions. She's gone to confront Caligula's persecution.
Gabrielle: Eve's in Rome?
Xena: [aggressively] If I find out that you're behind *any* of this, Michael, I swear, I...
Archangel Michael: As you well know, Xena, your daughter obeys a higher power than me.
Xena: Michael, don't forget; if I can kill Gods... I can kill angels, too!

Xena: [Ares jumps on Xena and prevents her from stabbing Caligula] ARES, YOU FOOL! What do you think you're doing?
Ares: I can't let you kill my sister!
Xena: What?
Xena: Aphrodite and Caligula's lives are bound together. If he dies, you destroy her, too!

Xena: [as Michael appears and raises his sword above Aphrodite] *MICHAEL*!
[Xena runs and kicks Michael in the face]
Xena: You tried to get Caligula to kill Eve to force my hand. Now, you go after my girlfriends! That's *not* gonna happen!
[pause]
Xena: Bring it on!
[Xena and Michael fight]

Caligula: Well, the demon with wings said that if I spilt her blood it would ensure my legacy as the greatest of all Gods.
Xena: The demon with wings?
[she pauses and realizes that Michael was who Caligula was referring to]
Xena: Ah.

Caligula: Lust and violence or truth and hope.
[pause]
Caligula: Hm-m, I think I'll stick with the status quo.
[he takes a dagger and poses to kill Eve]
Xena: [walks in] Oh, fabulous.
Eve: [angry] What?
Xena: Caligula, what on Earth did you think you were doing?
Eve: [Eve turns over to her mother and walks over to her] I don't NEED you, to interfere with my missi-
[Xena punches her down]
Eve: Ugh!
Xena: Granted she's a bit irritating, but why here and now?


"Xena: Warrior Princess: God Fearing Child (#5.12)" (2000)
Xena: This kid's going to change our lives completely.
Gabrielle: Yeah. I'm gonna be more alert Xena. I'm worried about its safety.
Xena: We do seem to find our share of trouble...
Hercules: [Hercules suddenly enters with a stuffed hydra toy] Yeah, like the big trouble you found when you forgot to tell an old friend of yours you were about to have a baby!
Xena: Hey old friend, did you hear that I'm about to have a baby?
Hercules: Well, then I would say congratulations are in order!
[he hugs Xena]
Xena: Good to see ya!
Hercules: Aw, it's good to see you!
[to Gabrielle]
Hercules: And you!
[pause]
Hercules: Wasn't your hair a little bit longer last time I saw you?
Gabrielle: I was gonna ask you the same thing...

Xena: It's the only way I know to get into Tartarus.
Gabrielle: Are you all right?
Xena: It's always going to be this way, isn't it? My child will always face an uphill battle to be happy.
Gabrielle: Xena, your baby won't have to do it alone. You will always be there!
Xena: I couldn't save my son...
Gabrielle: Xena, that was not your fault. We both have regrets about Solan. This is going to be different! You and I will dedicate our lives to protect your baby.
[pause]
Gabrielle: Come on, you can't fail!

Gabrielle: What is it?
Hercules: Six behind you.
Xena: And six behind you. Care to dance?
Hercules: Are you sure?
Xena: Sure I'm sure.
Hercules: Let's dance.

Hercules: The Underworld's a place for the dead. You give birth there, your child will be stillborn.
Xena: If it's a choice between your father and my child , I choose my child!
Hercules: Agreed, but let me talk to him first.

Ares, God of War: Xena, I want to protect your unborn child from the other gods.
Xena: Why would you want to do that?
Ares, God of War: Well I've had a falling out with Dad, and as you know, I've always had a thing for you.
Xena: For me and my friend. Look, you stalking me is not helping the trust factor any.
Ares, God of War: This is not your standard god obsession, okay? I'm having urges that I'm not real proud of.
Xena: I'm not going to become your little warrior queen, Ares. Besides, you expect me to believe you'd protect a child the Fates say will destroy you?
Ares, God of War: They say it'll destroy all the gods. Now if I'm going to be mortal, I could live out my life. With you.
Xena: What are you talking about?
Ares, God of War: I have feelings for you. I care about you, dammit! I see your face everywhere!
Xena: Stop it! You stop it! You're so desperate, you're trying to convince me that you love me? Well, go on, say it. Say it. Say you love me. The time for you and me has been and gone.
Ares, God of War: It was worth a shot anyway! I thought in your present condition you might be a little more gullible.
Xena: I am pregnant, not brain damaged!
[Xena leaves]
Ares, God of War: I love you, Xena.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Cradle of Hope (#1.4)" (1995)
Nemos: You Spoke of Pleasure?
Xena: [Hits Him] And you spoke of pain.

Xena: You're smarter than you look. Now, who's Gregor, and what's all this about?

Gabrielle: [crying sound is heard] What's that? Is that a cat?
Xena: [draws sword]
Gabrielle: A big cat?

Xena: Like a rock.

Xena: If I wanted to kill you, you'd be dead already.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Gabrielle's Hope (#3.5)" (1997)
Gabrielle: I had that - that dream again.
Xena: Yeah, I know. Part of the same thing, Gabrielle. Your body and your dreams are just reacting to your first kill.
Gabrielle: I'll never forgive myself.
Xena: It was instinct.
Gabrielle: No, you're wrong. Uh - I made the decision to kill her. I went against everything that I stand for.
Xena: I know it's hard. I remember my first kill. But, you are going to get through this thing. You're gonna wake up one day and have hope again. You'll see, there's so much good to be done.
Gabrielle: Maybe. I just feel like I should be punished for what I've done.
Xena: You *are* being punished by your conscience. For someone like you, there couldn't be a worse torture.

Gabrielle: Xena, let's just run for it. I - I'm feeling much better.
Xena: Oh, we don't have to run for it. I'm gonna slap these bitches silly. We're leaving this forest. You got a problem with that?

Xena: Gabrielle! Gabrielle! That thing you're holding is a monster! It has to be destroyed! Gabrielle! Gabrielle - I understand how you feel! You're looking at it as if this were a real baby! Gabrielle! You have to consider what we know! You were in the temple of Dahok, the evil one! You were on his altar! He planted that thing inside you! It grew so fast and it killed within hours of being born! Gabrielle! You talked about wanting to end the cycle of pain and violence! By protecting that thing, you're only ensuring the victory of that cycle!

Xena: If you don't mind, I'll worry all right. He moved back here. And then I heard some kind of scraping sound. I'm gonna go see where our little friend went. You stay here, and look after Gabrielle and the baby.

Xena: I'm coming. Gabrielle - Gabrielle, where is it?
Gabrielle: She turned on me.
Xena: Wha?
Gabrielle: She tried to choke me. It's - beautiful expression of sweetness just turned into this, this hateful snarl and - and it was like looking into evil itself. I threw her - down there.
Xena: Gabrielle, I know this is terrible but - you did the right thing.
Gabrielle: What? What is it? You don't believe me? Do you think I'm lying?


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Takes One to Know One (#4.19)" (1999)
Discord: So, you're saying that your *horse* killed her?
Xena: In self-defense!
Discord: But I can't take back a horse! I don't *do* animals!
Minya: That's not what I heard!
[all laugh]
Discord: UGH! This job sucks!
[she disappears]

Discord: [Irritated because Xena has not yet solved the murder] Look, Xena, I'm tired of being jerked around!
Xena: [with a straight face] You gave me 'till sunrise to jerk you around!
Discord: I lied!
[Discord uses her powers to make the clock become lower with sand. She laughs]
Discord: Time flies when I'm having fun!

Xena: Autolycus. I wouldn't have picked you for a party boy...
Autolycus: Well, call me sentimental, but, uh, I hear the words, "cake and ice cream" and I'm there!
[he chuckles]

Discord: [Xena kicks open the door to Ravenica's room. The key in the lock falls out. Xena moves to Ravenica and turns her over. Ravenica has a dagger in her chest. A man in leather shorts attacks Xena. She kicks him and is about to punch his face. Discord sits up on the bed] NO! STOP! Not the face!
Xena: You're right. I should start at the bottom!
Discord: [Xena moves to kick him, but Discord sends her flying back with a bolt from her hands. Xena stands] Try that again, you'll be booking a cruise to Tartarus with your friend here, Xena! Oh, sure, I know who you are. All Olympus knows the Warrior Princess. Ares has made sure of that. He's also made me, Goddess of Retribution. Discord's the name!
Xena: Retribution, huh?
[pause]
Xena: Guess you gotta start somewhere!
Discord: Where I'll start is with the person who did this. Hand him over!
Xena: [shrugs to the guy she first found] He's all yours.
Discord: Very funny, but it just so happens he was... otherwise engaged.
[pause]
Discord: So, cut the comedy.
Xena: You think *I* did it?
Discord: I wish. But unfortunately, I saw enough to know it wasn't you...
Xena: The only other people here are my family and friends.
[pause]
Xena: You're saying one of them is the murderer?
Discord: No, you're telling me. After all, it takes one to know one, right? And somebody did kill her.
Xena: Clearly, but...
Discord: No "but"s! You either cough up the killer by sunrise, or I take one of your buddies! Your choice. But either way, someone's gonna pay!

Discord: Thanks for the help, tall, dark and... mortal.
[pause]
Discord: I should have known Xena wouldn't have the guts to turn in her own mom.
[Discord raises a bow and pulls back the arrow, pointing it at Cyrene. Xena frantically uses her chakram to stop the arrow as it fires at her mother. She looks up at Discord]
Discord: What's the big idea? I thought you were the poster girl for truth and justice.
Xena: I am, when I'm sure it's being served. And I'm not.
[pause]
Xena: Come on, Discord, ya gave me 'til sunrise, remember?
Discord: FINE! Play your little detective games, but time is running out!


"Xena: Warrior Princess: One Against an Army (#3.13)" (1998)
Gabrielle: We're all gonna die eventually.
Xena: Not today!

Xena: How I feel about you doesn't matter. It's you who has to live with yourself.

Gabrielle: A long time ago, I accepted the consequences of our life together. That it might one day come to this. It has. I'm not afraid.
Xena: You've always said that I was the brave one. Look at you now. If this is to be our destiny, let's see it out together. Even in death, Gabrielle, I will never leave you.

Xena: You're my source, Gabrielle. When I reach down inside myself and do things that I'm not capable of, it's because of you. Don't you know that by now?

Gabrielle: Just be careful.
Xena: Always looking out for me, huh?
Gabrielle: Always...
[Xena starts to turn away]
Gabrielle: Xena. About China, I hope you know I never meant to hurt you. I only did what I thought was right.
Xena: Gabrielle, that's all in the past. All I want is to be with you right now. You're my best friend, my family.
[Picks up Gabrielle and holds her in an embrace]
Xena: I love you, Gabrielle.
Gabrielle: I love you, Xena.
Xena: Until the other side then. We'll be together.
Gabrielle: Until then.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Seeds of Faith (#5.9)" (2000)
Xena: It's easy to preach peace when you live in Heaven.

Xena: Gabrielle! What's the matter? He gonna hit you with his hankie?

Ares, God of War: You, on the other hand, have been keeping yourself busy. I wish I'd known you were looking for a father.
Xena: I'm not.
Ares, God of War: Oh? Well, somebody clearly got the job.
Xena: Yeah, Gabrielle.
Ares, God of War: I would have paid to see that.
Gabrielle: Hm-m.
[blushes]

Xena: [to angel Callisto] What are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be floating on a cloud someplace...
Callisto: [smiles] Thanks to you. You saved me from an eternity in Hell and for that I owe you my soul.
Xena: You don't owe me anything...
Callisto: I've been purified by the waters of Heaven and yet, still all you see in me is a black heart.
Xena: I know that the old Callisto is dead but she's alive in my memory.
[pause]
Xena: Don't expect too much from me.
Callisto: I've come here to ask you not to interfere with Eli. He'll handle Ares on his own terms.
Xena: Ares' army's about to march on Pylos. Eli thinks he can stop them with a kind word. He can't. All I'm gonna do is give him a fighting chance.
Callisto: Eli has a destiny to fulfill. He's brought hope to the world and if that's to survive, he's gonna have to face this challenge alone...
[Callisto disappears]

Callisto: Xena, my time has come to be reincarnated into the mortal world and the body that will bear my spirit has been ordained.
[pause]
Callisto: I can think of no greater mother than you...
Xena: It was you all along?
[pause]
Xena: You gave me this child?
Callisto: In the past, I destroyed your life Xena.
Xena: [on the verge of tears] And I destroyed yours...
[pause]
Xena: Maybe it's time that we both gave back what we once took from each other.
[Callisto touches Xena's stomach becomes the soul of the baby. A tear moves down Xena's face]
Eli: [as an angel] Love is the way.
[he disappears]


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Dreamworker (#1.3)" (1995)
Xena: [To Gabrielle] If you can run, run. If you can't run, surrender, then run. If you're outnumbered, let them fight each other while you run....

Xena: The moment you pick up a sword you become a target. The moment you kill everything changes.

Xena: [Glancing at her breast] What's the matter with you? You just seem... bigger.
Gabrielle: No, I'm not. It's the mountain air. I feel motivated.
Xena: You didn't hire a sorcerer to enhance your... motives... did you?

Xena: [Picks up Gabrielle's breast dagger] I'll keep this for the time being.
Gabrielle: Ha, it's not like your breasts aren't dangerous enough!

Xena: See how calm the surface of the water is. That was me once. And then...
[throws stone in water]
Xena: The water ripples and churns; that's what I became.
Gabrielle: But if we sit here long enough it will go back to being still again. It will go back to being calm.
Xena: But the stone's still under there. It's now part of the lake. It might look as it did before, but it's forever changed.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Endgame (#4.20)" (1999)
Amarice: [thinking she must protect Gabrielle from Xena] What are you waiting for? Run! I'll hold her off!
Xena: Oh, no! I surrender before Gabrielle.

Xena: [after just having put "The Pinch" on Brutus] All right. You know the drill. 30 seconds, you die, no blood to the brain.

Xena: [to Amarice] You know Amarice that wasn't your fault. If it wasn't for women like Ephiny, the Amazon nation would have died out a long time ago.
[pause]
Xena: But you and I and Gabrielle aren't gonna let that happen!

Xena: [while capturing Brutus by dragging him by rope on horseback] This one's for *you*, Ephiny! YAH!


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Fins, Femmes & Gems (#3.18)" (1998)
Gabrielle: [singing] Well, listen to my story 'bout Gabrielle, cute little gal that's looking really swell. Perfect hair, such a lovely lass. Nice round breasts and a firm young...
Xena: [slaps hand over Gabrielle's mouth] Are you out of your MIND?
Gabrielle: Too loud? Are you afraid we're gonna get there and the fish will be gone?
Xena: I'm afraid we're gonna get there and the fish will be ARMED.

Xena: Come on, Gabrielle! Let's get WET! Come on, Gabrielle! Get your gear off!

Xena: [to Joxer about Gabrielle] MONKEY MAN, YOU BRING HER BACK!

Xena: They've probably headed for Parnassus. The priest there is an expert astrologer. Who knows what *stupid* thing Aphrodite would want him to do with it?
[Xena picks up a fish]
Aphrodite: [unseen as a Goddess] Nice! Double dose for you, Warrior Babe!
Xena: Hmm, a walleye.
Aphrodite: Big mistake. You're *never* getting that smell off your hands now...
[she blows the Obsession potion on Xena]
Xena: I've got it! I know what to do! The North Star is on the verge of extinction. The fate of the whole world lies in our hands. We've got no choice.
[pause]
Xena: We're going fishing!


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Between the Lines (#4.15)" (1999)
Alti: What's she told you about me, little girl? Has she told you about my powers? Has she told you about this?
[Alti used her powers to show Gabrielle how she's going to die crucified with Xena]
Alti: That's my gift to you! That's your future! She's responsible for your death!
Xena: You bitch!

Naima: Thank you, Xena. You destroyed Alti at the one time in her karma when she was most powerful.
Xena: The one time?
Naima: Oh, yes. Her soul is not destroyed. It will return many times, filled with evil, but you will always be there to meet it. And you, Gabrielle, you both walk a path together. Think of yourselfves as lines in the menhdi, separated but forever connected. Menhdi contains truth.

Gabrielle: I guess it's a day for changes.
Xena: Oh, yeah. How does this feel?
Gabrielle: Feels pretty good. I wish I had some word in it, though. You know? It was like this in that vision.
[about her hair]
Xena: I know. I've been thinking about that.
Gabrielle: Xena, Alti was evil. Why should we believe anything she showed us? The menhdi contains the truth. I wish there was some way that... that we could do that again, just... just to really know.
Xena: Naima could have told us.
Gabrielle: Yeah. There's so many questions I wish I had asked her, about what this all means. You know what she said? She said that your karma and mine... they're intertwined.
Xena: Well, maybe it's not the first time we've walked down this road, huh?
Gabrielle: Maybe it won't be the last. How would I recognize you?
Xena: We need a sign. This way, no matter how we look, we'll always remember the women we were.
[She paints a cross on her foot]
Xena: Like it?
Gabrielle: I love it.

Gabrielle: It's the latest rage in India. You know what they say: 'When in Rome... '
Xena: Oh, please.
Gabrielle: OK, different analogy. Uhm... when you want to fly with eagles...
Xena: Don't dress like a turkey?


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Hooves and Harlots (#1.10)" (1995)
Gabrielle: [Gabrielle shows Xena a long stick] It's a walking stick. It's very useful. You can walk with it, you can lean on it, if you need a rest and you can kill nasty little critters if you wanna lie down. Yeah. It's got a good feel!
Xena: Let me look at this.
[Xena takes the stick and shows off]
Xena: Hmm... not bad!
Gabrielle: Or you could that, yeah!

Xena: [being caught in Amazon territory] We'd like safe passage through your hunting grounds.
Terreis: My name is Terreis. You know the Amazon ways and yet, you're not one of us.
[turns to Gabrielle]
Terreis: And you're *really* not one of us!
Gabrielle: Hey, don't judge a scroll by its paper!

Xena: [as Ephiny stares at Xena] Something about me you find interesting?
Ephiny: Yes.
Xena: Wanna tell me?
Ephiny: No.
Xena: Then stop starin' at me before I take your eyes out!

Xena: Making war is simple. Making peace is never easy. If it was, everyone would do it.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: The Ides of March (#4.21)" (1999)
Xena: Beware the Ides of March, Brutus.

Xena: I made you leave the way of love. It was my fault.
Gabrielle: I had a choice: to do nothing or save my friend. I chose the way of friendship.
Xena: I'm sorry for all the times I didn't treat you right.
Gabrielle: Xena, you've brought out the best in me. Before I met you no one saw me for who I was. I felt invisible. But you saw all the things that I could be. You saved me, Xena.

Xena: I wish, um...
Gabrielle: What?
Xena: That I had read your scrolls just once.
Gabrielle: You would have liked them.
Xena: I know.

Xena: Gabrielle, you were the best thing in my life.
Gabrielle: I love you, Xena.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: The Rheingold (#6.7)" (2000)
Xena: [Written in a letter to Gabrielle] Whatever happens, know that my love for you is endless.

Xena: [Gabrielle wakes up to see Xena gone and a scroll on her bed. She picks it up and looks at it. It is signed with an "X" and print of Xena's lips. Gabrielle reads Xena's letter] Gabrielle, I've gone to take care of some unfinished business. This mission is so dangerous, I'm afraid I won't survive and I can't ask you to die with me once again. Whatever happens know that my love for you is endless. Xena.

Xena: [Brunnhilda tells Gabrielle the story of Xena; a flashback of a younger Xena riding slowly through the woods is shown. Odin, the King of the Norse Gods, is heard moaning. Xena rides over to him] Whoa...
[She stops her horse to look at Odin. He is crucified on a tree. A raven is with him]
Xena: Hey, there. Who did you mess with?
Odin: No one is capable of doing this to me without my consent.
Xena: What kind of an idiot has himself crucified?
Odin: I don't wish to take part in the struggle of life anymore.
Xena: Why would you wanna do that?
Odin: I am Odin, king of the Norse Gods. It is my duty to bring peace to the Norse country. Yet as I sit in Valhalla, and watch the bitter struggle called life on this Earth, I ask, "Are we doomed to live in a constant state of endless conflict"?
Xena: Damn straight. That's what makes life so worth living! You know, every day I wake up and I feel pumped by the knowledge that there is always someone around the next corner - someone for me to challenge, to fight, and to conquer.
Odin: Someday... someone may conquer you.
Xena: Precisely... which is why I don't have time to waste chatting with a God who doesn't know what to do with his immortality.
Odin: [as Xena starts to leave with her horse] Wait... who are you?
Xena: The name's Xena.
[pause]
Xena: You know, you can't escape the struggle, Odin. Ya gotta embrace it!
Brunnhilda: [voice-over] Xena brought Odin out of his despair by sharing with him her lust for life. He, in turn, made her a Valkyrie.

Xena: [Brunnhilda tells Gabrielle the story of Xena; a flashback of a younger Xena riding slowly through the woods is shown. Odin, the King of the Norse Gods, is heard moaning. Xena rides over to him] Whoa...
[She stops her horse to look at Odin. He is crucified on a tree. A raven is with him]
Xena: Hey, there. Who did you mess with?
Beowulf: No one is capable of doing this to me without my consent.
Xena: What kind of an idiot has himself crucified?
Beowulf: I don't wish to take part in the struggle of life anymore.
Xena: Why would you wanna do that?
Beowulf: I am Odin, king of the Norse Gods. It is my duty to bring peace to the Norse country. Yet as I sit in Valhalla, and watch the bitter struggle called life on this Earth, I ask, "Are we doomed to live in a constant state of endless conflict"?
Xena: Damn straight. That's what makes life so worth living! You know, every day I wake up and I feel pumped by the knowledge that there is always someone around the next corner - someone for me to challenge, to fight, and to conquer.
Beowulf: Someday... someone may conquer you.
Xena: Precisely... which is why I don't have time to waste chatting with a God who doesn't know what to do with his immortality.
Beowulf: [as Xena starts to leave with her horse] Wait... who are you?
Xena: The name's Xena.
[pause]
Xena: You know, you can't escape the struggle, Odin. Ya gotta embrace it!
Odin: [voice-over] Xena brought Odin out of his despair by sharing with him her lust for life. He, in turn, made her a Valkyrie.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Adventures in the Sin Trade (#4.1)" (1998)
Xena: [voice-over]
[after Xena kills an elk and mounts it on her horse]
Xena: Gabrielle... I'm entering a world of darkness I promised myself I'd never return to, but it's the only way I can see you again.
[Xena is in a cave with the dead elk skinned. She starts to dance]
Xena: My mind has lost it's center. It's turning... turning. Can't hold. I can't hold...
[pause]
Xena: I hear you, or is it the wind? As I travel along paths left long ago, I'm engulfed by my memories. They consume me.

Cyane: [as Xena approaches the Amazon Land of the Dead] What are you doing here, Xena? You're *not* welcome.
Xena: Cyane, why are you still in the Land of the Dead? You should have crossed over into Eternity.
Cyane: Answer me first! What do you want?
Xena: I'm looking for a friend. A Greek Amazon...
Cyane: [scoffs] An Amazon is your friend.
Xena: That's right. Her name is Gabrielle...

Cyane: [Xena looks to see a large group of Amazons in the Land of the Dead] You see, Xena, none of us can pass through the gate to Eternity. We're doomed to wander the Land of the Dead forever.
Xena: Alti did this to you...
Cyane: Yes... Alti.

Chalcis: We caught these two lurking in the camp. The hag says she's a shamaness. Claims she can help us beat the Amazons.
Xena: [to Alti] How can you do that?
Alti: I was once an Amazon myself, but they expelled me from their number because my power was too great.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Chariots of War (#1.2)" (1995)
Xena: You call that a jump?
Gabrielle: No! It was a frantic leap. Best I could do.

Xena: Don't tell me that was HIM?
Gabrielle: 'Fraid so.
Xena: Remind me to have a talk to you about your taste in men.

Gabrielle: Do you want me to drive?
Xena: Not on your life. Not on my life.

Xena: I need someone to distract them.
Gabrielle: I'm not very good at this horse thing!


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Maternal Instincts (#3.11)" (1998)
Xena: What makes you think we can trust this child?
Gabrielle: What makes you think that we can't?
[pause]
Gabrielle: Xena, she gave us Callisto's plan.
Xena: Exactly! Callisto wouldn't tell her anything she didn't want us to hear. The child's probably a pawn or worse!
Gabrielle: That is not true! Xena, you were always so quick to blame her, weren't you? Well, she is not evil! She's NOT!
Xena: [shocked] Hope? The child is Hope?
Gabrielle: [Gabrielle nods] I'm sorry. I never meant to lie. Xena, I couldn't kill her. She's my daughter. You're a mother, you know this! I had to save her.
Xena: Maybe it's not too late. She's young; poison'll kill her if her powers aren't mature.
Gabrielle: Poison? XENA, SHE IS MY CHILD!
Xena: She is NOT a child! She is a body, a vessel, an instrument for evil, THAT IS ALL!
Gabrielle: YOU ARE WRONG!
[pause]
Gabrielle: Xena, Hope is the victim here! That is why I sent her to Kaleipus' hut, so she would be safe from Callisto...
Xena: [pause] You sent her to Kaleipus' hut?
[Xena frantically runs to the hut where Solon was left in]

Solan: [crying about Kaleipus' death] Like my father...
[pause]
Solan: ... and my mom.
[Xena glances at him]
Solan: But why does everyone I love die?
[pause]
Solan: Is it me?
Xena: [quietly] No, no! Of course not...
Solan: Then why are they dead? Everyone who ever loved me?
Xena: They're not! You still have me-
[Xena stops herself as Solan looks at her]
Xena: ... many, many friends. And they've all said how much they love you and want you to come and live with them...
Solan: But I don't want to.
[pause]
Solan: I want to live with you.
Xena: [whispers] What?
Solan: I won't be any trouble, I promise. I'll catch my own food and keep up. And I'm hardly ever sick...
Xena: Solan, I don't think...
Solan: Please! My uncle always said if anything happened to him, you'd be there for me.
Xena: And he was right. But all your ties are here. Don't you wanna be with someone that you know, someone that you care about?
Solan: Yes, you!
[pause]
Solan: You said we were friends and real friends are like family, right?
Xena: [smiles happily] Like family!
Solan: Then take me with you, please?
[pause]
Solan: Don't leave me!
Xena: [starts crying] When all this is over, you be packed and ready to go. We've got a lot to talk about. We might as well do it on the road...
[she leaves Kaleipus' hut]

Callisto: [as Xena fights Callisto in the cave] You'll trap us both! That's your plan, to trap me here while my pain keeps growing and growing and you die and yours ends!
Xena: You're wrong, Callisto! You let your pain kill you years ago... I'm gonna live with mine!
[Xena escapes and Callisto screams as the cave crumbles on top of her]

Xena: [to Gabrielle] You lied to me. I trusted you and you lied to me.
[pause]
Xena: And now Solan is dead.
[another pause]
Xena: My son is dead... because of you.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Sacrifice II (#3.22)" (1998)
Xena: [knifing Callisto] No more living for you.

Xena: It's strange... The one I love most in all the world and the one I hate look exactly the same.

Xena: Let me guess: things didn't work out with Hope quite the way you expected.
Callisto: No, actually the sight of her and Ares rolling around like weasels made me sick.
Gabrielle: Hope and Ares?
Callisto: Oh yes, Gabrielle, it seems your daughter is in heat.

Xena: Then just one thing. When I'm gone, I don't want you to feel any guilt.
Gabrielle: Xena...
Xena: Listen to me. A lot's happened to us over the past year, and there were times when we were both very confused. But I want you to know that I still think you are the best thing that ever happened to me. You gave my life meaning and joy, and you will be a part of me forever. Ready?


"Xena: Warrior Princess: When Fates Collide (#6.18)" (2001)
Xena: [as Empress of Rome in an altered timeline] Leave us.
Joxer: [as a Roman centurion] But Caesar said...
Xena: ...to enrage the Empress until she beats the tar out of you?
Joxer: I must have missed that one.

Xena: You broght the world back to us.
Gabrielle: I'm glad. I like this one better.
Xena: Even though you're not a famous playwright?
Gabrielle: Fame... Who needs it?

Xena: I will dedicate this life to changing things back to the way they were - and I can do it - because we both know I have *many* skills.

Xena: Hey.
Gabrielle: Hi.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: The Convert (#4.18)" (1999)
Xena: Najara, what are you doing here? Don't tell me ya got time off for good behavior.

Najara: I've changed, Xena. I put down the sword.
Xena: And I'm the queen of Egypt.

Gabrielle: I've been thinking. I know there's no excuse for what Najara did.
Xena: Sure, there is. She's a nut.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Old Ares Had a Farm (#6.10)" (2001)
Xena: My grandmother used to sit in this chair and rock and tell me stories of the Olympian gods.
Ares: Bet she didn't know you'd grow up to kill most of them.

Xena: Who are you?
Zeke: [caught off guard] They call me "Battling Zeke."
Xena: [with a little half-smile] Nobody ever called you that, you just made that up. But unless you want to be known as "dead Zeke," you'll be moving on.

Xena: Ares, you've gotta do something that no one would ever suspect of you.
Ares: Like what?
Xena: How are you at shovelin' shit?


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Forgiven (#3.14)" (1998)
Gabrielle: There's something that I'm not getting. There's something you're not telling me.
Xena: She reminds me a little bit of me.
Gabrielle: Oh no. I knew you were evil, but you were obnoxious, too?

Gabrielle: [to Xena] Wonder girl took matters into her own hands again.
Tara: Everything would have been fine if you just let go of my foot!
Gabrielle: You would be dead if I didn't grab your foot!
Xena: Oh, BOY!

Gabrielle: [after Tara beats her up and Xena breaks them apart] Xena, I'll understand, just this once if you're so angry, you wanna pummel her for a while...
Xena: I'm not gonna do that.
Gabrielle: WELL THEN HOLD HER WHILE I DO IT!
[charges at Tara but Xena holds them both back again]
Tara: You want some more, Blondie? Come on! Huh? Come on!
Xena: [grabs Tara] You listen to me, little girl! I've got no interest in making a change. Blondie - Gabrielle, here, is my partner, and that's the way it's gonna stay! So, get lost, huh?
Tara: But you don't know how valuable I could be to you!
Xena: Take some advice, don't get in our way again, or next time you're gonna get a real beating!
Tara: I know who stole Apollo's urn, the Red...
Xena: -Valley Gang. They're the only bunch in the area who'd make a move like that. I'm not impressed.
Tara: Well, I know where one of their hideouts is!
Xena: How do you know that?
Tara: I used to hang with some of them guys!
Gabrielle: [touches her hurt ear] Figures!
Tara: [looks at Gabrielle] Hey, look! I never said I was a goody-two-shoes, but I'm here to turn it around! I wanna be a hero and fight for good, protect wimps and kick the crap out of jerks.
[pause]
Tara: I know I could do it if somebody would just give me a chance! Come on! Let me just show you where their hideout is!
[pause]
Tara: I won't pick on your little buddy anymore!
Xena: We don't need your help.
[she and Gabrielle start to leave the tavern]
Tara: I heard you were pretty bad once upon a time.
[Xena stops]
Tara: Somebody must have given you a chance to turn it all around.
[watches as Xena leaves]
Tara: What a crock!


"Xena: Warrior Princess: A Necessary Evil (#2.14)" (1997)
Xena: Callisto, I didn't come here for this!
[meaning "to fight"]
Callisto: Well, then... you shouldn't have come at all.

Xena: You may be immortal but I can still do damage. How'd you like to spend eternity in 5 pieces?

Gabrielle: Xena... Do you think that, deep down, Callisto feels sorry for the things that she's done?
Xena: No!
Gabrielle: I do. I have to or I can't forgive her. And if I can't forgive her, I can't move on. Goodbye, Callisto.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: The Deliverer (#3.4)" (1997)
Xena: You half-witted toady to a third-rate god!

Xena: [Xena draws her sword on the beach] Show yourself! I know you're there!
[Ares appears on Xena's sword]
Xena: Ares...
Ares, God of War: [smirks] You want to move this so we can talk?
Xena: [smirks back] Oh, I don't know, I kind of like the look of it there!

Xena: [smiling after slashing the Deliverer with her breast dagger] Well that answers one question. You can get hurt.
Deliverer: [roars]
Xena: [laughs] You get pretty mad too.
Deliverer: [growls]
Xena: Come and get me then. You half witted toady to a third-rate god, come and get me! Come on.
Xena: [the Deliverer attacks, Xena flips out of his way. He looks over his shoulder in anger. Xena smirks at him] What's the matter? A mere mortal giving you a problem? I thought your god was all powerful or something.
Deliverer: You can't talk of the great Dahak like that.
Xena: Great? Great at what?
Xena: [circling] All I've seen is a lame attempt at a religion and some fancy fireworks. Are you sure he's what you think he is? Maybe he's got you fooled too?
[the Deliverer roars in anger, attacks, and Xena flips him into the fire pit]


"Xena: Warrior Princess: The Debt II (#3.7)" (1997)
Lao Ma: The entire world is driven by a will - blind and ruthless. In order to transcend the limitations of that world, you need to stop willing, stop desiring, stop hating.
Xena: How do I do that?
Lao Ma: Heaven endures, and the Earth lasts a long time, because they do not live for themselves. Therefore, she would live a long time, should live for others, serve others.

Gabrielle: Can we talk? Of course not. I betrayed you. The pathetic thing is... I thought I was saving you. My reverence for life kept a brutal tyrant in power, and led to my best friend's execution. I know you hate me, Xena... no more than I hate myself.
Xena: Scratch my nose, will you?

Xena: Come on. I know you only did what you thought was right. I was angry with you, but I didn't hate you. I never could.
Gabrielle: I think I understand why you thought you had to kill Ming Tien. It was Lao Ma's last request... and she saved your life.
Xena: Not just my life. She saved my soul, my spirit, my entire being.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: The Furies (#3.1)" (1997)
Ares: No. Life *isn't* worth living. It's to be *taken*, and *beaten*. And wrestled, and formed in your image. *That's* where the meaning lies. In what you can twist life into. For those who just *endure* life, yeah: it is a very nasty joke. But for those who form it with their will, the joke is on those who get in the way.
Xena: I must be crazy. You're beginning to make sense.

Xena: Gabrielle couldn't save a cat in a sack without me.

Xena: [after a fight and being enchanted by the Furies] I love the smell of warrior sweat in the morning.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Animal Attraction (#5.4)" (1999)
Xena: Maybe you didn't hear me, Doctor. Getting pregnant requires a certain physical element that I haven't had for a long time... I'm talking a VERY long time. I am a love-free zone, so it is utterly *impossible* that I be up the duff! What's your diagnosis *now*?

Gabrielle: You don't have the slightest idea?
Xena: No. Look, we've been through this a thousand times. I don't.
Gabrielle: How can you not know? I just find that hard to believe, you know.
Xena: Tell me.
Gabrielle: Ares. Maybe he did... a god thing.
Xena: No.
Gabrielle: OK, fine. When was the last time we saw Hercules?

Gabrielle: Come on, Xena. Race ya to Greece?
Xena: I don't know if you're ready for that.
Gabrielle: Are you chicken?
Xena: No, just being considerate. We race to Greece, and you won't be able to walk straight for a month.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Callisto (#1.22)" (1996)
Xena: Don't worry, I won't let anything happen to you without a fair trial.
Callisto: You know, there used to be a little respect mixed up in my hatred for you... but not anymore. Your petty scruples are embarrassing. As a villian, you were awesome. As a hero, you're a sentimental fool.

Gabrielle: You know, she'll do anything for revenge.
Xena: I don't blame her.
Gabrielle: Uh, I do. When will this end? Look at Melas. I know that he's a good man, but, this hate is making him an obsessed killer. Somebody has to say no to this lust for revenge.
Xena: That is so hard to do.
Gabrielle: You did it! When your village was destroyed, you were infected with bloodlust. But you overcame it!
Xena: I was lucky. I saw what I'd become, and I was able to turn around. But if something happened to Mother, or Hercules, or you, I might do just the same.
Gabrielle: No... No, look, you promise me. If something happens to me, you will not become a monster. There's only one way to end this cycle of hatred, and it's through love, and forgiveness.
Xena: Don't you go changing, Gabrielle. I like you just the way you are. Go get some sleep.
Gabrielle: No, no, you promise me.
Xena: I promise. Go, go on.

Callisto: [Fighting Xena for the first time] I'm good! As good as you, and why not? You made me!
Xena: [the two warrior women proceed to fight each other] It was you who shot me with that poison dart?
Callisto: Yes, you see, it left me free to revive your reputation as a wanted killer of women and children.
Xena: I never killed women and children!
Callisto: Well, you have now!
[They continue crossing swords]
Xena: What did you when you said I made you?
Callisto: Do you remember Cirra?
[Callisto attacks Xena one more time before jumping on her horse and riding away]


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Return of Callisto (#2.5)" (1996)
Xena: [Praying for Gabrielle] If anyone is listening, you know I'm not much for praying, but I don't know what else to do. I was ready to give up once, and Gabrielle came into my life. Please, don't let that light that shines on her face go out. I couldn't stand the darkness that would follow.

Callisto: [Xena and Callisto have fallen into quick sound] We're both going to die Xena!... How wonderful, we can spend the rest of eternity in Tartarus together.
Xena: ...Always the optimist.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Daughter of Pomira (#4.11)" (1999)
Xena: And, because of you, fir the first time ever, there's peace between us and the Hor-... the Pomira.
Gabrielle: I did all that?
Xena: Mmhmm.
Gabrielle: And they call you the hero? Hmm...
Xena: Ya wanna switch? Fine, you kick butt, I'll take notes.

Xena: [about to scalp Milo unless he abstains from scalping a child of the Horde] It's a lovely day for scalping.


"Hercules: The Legendary Journeys: Unchained Heart (#1.13)" (1995)
Xena: Let me go. There's so much of my life I have to make amends for. I've got to get started.
Hercules: I wish you'd let me help
Xena: You already have. You unchained my heart.

Xena: Are you a biographer or a bad comedian or have you dreamed up some other get rich scheme?
Salmoneus: How about love slave. I've versatile.
Xena: Your deluded.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: The Path Not Taken (#1.5)" (1995)
Gabrielle: Did you ever notice that we never have a problem getting a table?
Xena: It's a mystery to me

Gabrielle: You see Xena, the way I look at it, life is an adventure to be explored. And, without adventure what's the point? Granted, with you sometimes it gets a little too adventurous, but that's what makes it interesting. Who was it that said "curiosity is the food of life and adventure is a meal?"
Xena: Sounds like something you might say


"Xena: Warrior Princess: To Helicon and Back (#6.15)" (2001)
Gabrielle: [after leaving an almost? dead body to the sharks] Was that honorable? I don't think so.
Xena: Would you have given yourself for her?
[Gabrielle nods]
Xena: You sent her spirit in peace, Gabrielle. Forward. Come on.

Bellerophon: Oh, you forget, Xena, you can't kill me, 'cause I'm a half-god!
Xena: You forget you're half mortal, too.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Motherhood (#5.22)" (2000)
Athena: [shocked] So... you can kill Gods.
Xena: How does it feel to *smell* your own mortality? You know there's nothing more pathetic than a dead God!
[pause]
Xena: So do yourselves a favor, don't follow us!

Gabrielle: [shocked after Xena killed three of the Gods] Xena, you can kill Gods! How is that possible?
Xena: While Eve was being initiated, I was visited by a spirit. He said that Eve's cleansing, gave me the power to kill Gods.
Gabrielle: What do you mean? What kind of spirit?
Xena: It was sent by the Archangel Michael.
Gabrielle: Michael?
Xena: He said that Eve would prepare the way for the rule of the God of Love.
Gabrielle: And you're to protect her?
Xena: I was chosen as the Mother of the Messenger...
[pause]
Xena: As long as Eve lives I have the power to kill Gods.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Livia (#5.20)" (2000)
Xena: You are my daughter. When the gods find out ...
Eve: Shut up! You are not my mother. Rome is my mother.

Xena: Eve. I know you're angry. Give us time.
Eve: Our time ran out 25 years ago.
Xena: I will never give up on you, Eve, never!
Eve: [shouts] I'm Livia!


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Beware Greeks Bearing Gifts (#1.12)" (1996)
Gabrielle: Do you want to go back for the horse? It's bound to be a collectors' item?
Xena: Only if you're gonna pull it.
Gabrielle: Nah.

Xena: Beware Greeks bearing gifts, Paris.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: The Quest (#2.13)" (1997)
Xena: [to Gabrielle] I'll always be with you, Gabrielle.
[they kiss]

Xena: [about to take over Autolycus's body] Let go and hold on.
Autolycus: Let go and hold on? HEY!


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Destiny (#2.12)" (1997)
Xena: Oh, that's right. You're fated to rule the world. Do you really believe that?
Julius Caesar: Of course. Each event in our life is part of a great plan. There are no accidents. Only destiny.
Xena: And who shapes this destiny - the gods?
Julius Caesar: Perhaps. Or it's the blood in our veins, our souls, our desires, our will. They're all in it, together, weaving a tapestry we call 'destiny'.
Xena: Well, I can tell you one thing about your destiny: you're fated to have dinner in my cabin tonight.

Xena: You'll be dead in thirty seconds. But know this: you won't be the last. Tell Hades to prepare himself. A new Xena is born tonight, with a new purpose in life: death.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: The Debt (#3.6)" (1997)
Gabrielle: Are you going up against a dragon?
Xena: No...
Gabrielle: Is the Green Dragon a person?
Xena: Yes...
Gabrielle: Which person?
Xena: That one that I'm gonna kill.

Gabrielle: I'm sorry, Xena, but I can't help you commit murder.
Xena: Gabrielle, I am catching a ship here that will carry me close to the kingdom of Chin. If there was ever a time to turn back, it's now.
[pause]
Xena: I understand.
[Xena kisses Gabrielle on the head]
Gabrielle: [as Xena starts to leave to aboard the ship] You owe someone so much that you would just throw away these last few years?
Xena: [pause] Yes.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Eve (#5.21)" (2000)
Xena: Listen to your heart.
Eve: My heart is a traitor.

Eve: Good - the sheep are all here. Aren't you afraid of me? You think Eli's gonna save you? Glad you could make it, Xena. I hope you're not going to ruin my day with more of your excruciating mother-daughter platitudes.
Xena: No. I'm done talking, Livia.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: King Con (#3.15)" (1998)
Xena: [while Gabrielle is riding on Argo with a swollen ankle] No, you are *not* getting off. Your ankle's too swollen...
Gabrielle: I'm telling you, Xena, this sprain is not half as bad as the last one...
Xena: The less you're on it, the faster it'll heal. Besides, when we hook up with Joxer, we'll stop and make camp. It's not like him to be late.
Gabrielle: What do to want to bet that he stopped to watch the paint dry or the grass grow and he completely forgot...
Xena: Huh?
Gabrielle: Hmm?
[pause]
Gabrielle: Believe me, I know Joxer almost as well as I know you.
Xena: And how well is that?
Gabrielle: Well, enough to know what you're thinking most of the time. Like right now, you're thinking, "She thinks she knows me, huh? We'll see about that!"
Xena: Easy guess!
Gabrielle: Okay. Now you're thinking, "Oh, wait, I haven't thought of anything yet!" Right?
Xena: And what am I thinking now?
[she smirks and looks over at Gabrielle]
Gabrielle: You wouldn't dare, not to an injured woman!

Leo: [Two thugs hold Joxer while Leo beats him. He is battered, bruised and bleeding] For the last time, where's Pop's money?
[Joxer doesn't answer; Leo draws his sword]
Leo: So long, Mr. Lucky!
Gabrielle: [Xena uses her whip to disarm Leo; he and his gang run away. Gabrielle limps off Argo and checks the beaten, near-dead Joxer. She then looks up to Xena with a worried look] Is he...?
Xena: If we can treat him and get him to someplace safe, he stands a chance...
[pause]
Xena: Which is more than I can say for the men who did this to him!


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Punch Lines (#5.11)" (2000)
Xena: Joxer, never pie a pregnant woman.

[last lines]
Xena: You know, I gotta tell ya, I am feeling a whole lot better. I mean, life's pretty sweet for me right now. I've got no cooking, no cleaning, and back rubs for a month.
Gabrielle: Technically, you didn't lose your temper, but Xena, I saw you throwing pies in a less than loving manner.
Joxer: *Much* less.
Xena: Oh?
Joxer: Uh, uh, loving.
Xena: Yep, loving. That's me.
[pie hits her in the face]
Xena: Who threw that pie?


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Soul Possession (#6.20)" (2001)
Ares: Just out of curiosity... What would have happened here today if I'd really been asking for your hand in marriage, no strings attached?
Xena: [after kissing Ares] Guess you'll never know.

Joxer: You know, Xena... Denial ain't just a river in Europe.
Xena: The Nile's in Africa.
Joxer: It's that long?


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Path of Vengeance (#6.14)" (2001)
Ares, God of War: [Ares hasn't appeared yet but his voice sounds] Xena, tell me, Xena: have you heard the story of the scorpion and the swan?
Xena: You haven't even got the guts to face me.
Ares, God of War: See, the scorpion needs to get across the river, and he asks the swan for a ride. And the swan figures: 'It's not much of a risk. The scorpion wouldn't sting the creature who's carrying him over the raging river.'
Xena: My daughter's about to die because of you, and you're feeding me fairy tales?
Ares, God of War: [He appears behind Xena and starts touching her] Bear with me, it's worth the wait. So, about halfway across, the scorpion tings the swan, and as they're both being swept to their death, the swan asks the scorpion: 'I was helping you. Why did you sting me?' And the scorpion answers...
Xena: 'It's what I do.'
Ares, God of War: Yeah, it's what I do.

Ares, God of War: Hey, can I help it if I've played this like the malevolent genius I am? Remember what the scorpion said.
Xena: Ares, the scorpion drowned.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Chakram (#5.2)" (1999)
Gabrielle: I don't know how we'll repair that, Xena. It's not something we can take to a blacksmith.
Xena: Oh, this thing Amarice gave me? What is this thing anyway?

Joxer: Xena, you know how I feel about Gabrielle?
Xena: Sure, you love her.
Joxer: Right. Um, and um, I was kinda hoping that since you guys are such good friends and all, maybe you could give me some tips.
Xena: Tips?
Joxer: Yeah, you know, recommendations on how I can tell her. I was thinking maybe I could try the down on my knee approach. Or maybe flowers and gifts. Or I could just club her over the head! Do you see my problem?
Xena: Yeah, your expectations.
Joxer: Huh?
Xena: See, right now it's all about getting a response from her. If you love her, why don't you just tell her? Don't attach any strings to it. Make it unconditional.
Joxer: Yeah, but what about if I tell her that and she says, "Joxer, what are you thinking?"
Xena: Joxer, no strings, all right?
Joxer: No strings. Got it.
Xena: Course, you could just kiss the girl.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: The Black Wolf (#1.11)" (1996)
Ox, the brigand: Looking for the man of your dreams, darling?
Xena: Yep.
[Xena punches him in the gut]
Xena: You're not him.

Salmoneus: You! That's the little Miss Innocent that got me thrown in here in the first place.
Xena: She's my friend.
Salmoneus: She's your friend... she's your friend? You have a friend? What, is she a warrior?
Gabrielle: Hey, hey, back off! You know, you wouldn't be in here in the first place if you'd kept your hands off my tomatoes.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Ten Little Warlords (#2.8)" (1996)
Ares, God of War: [after Xena kills someone about to kill him] You saved my life. I won't forget it.
Xena: Yes, you will.

Xena: [after another warlord questions her death] Well, as you can see, rumors of my demise were greatly exaggerated.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: A Friend in Need Part II (#6.22)" (2001)
Xena: If there is a reason for our travels together it's because I had to learn from you enough to know the final, the good, the right thing to do. I can't come back. I can't.
Gabrielle: I love you, Xena. How am I supposed to go on without you?
Xena: I'll always be with you, Gabrielle. Always.

Gabrielle: A life of journeying has brought you to the farthest lands to the very edges of the Earth.
Xena: And to the place where I'll always remain... your heart. So, where to, now?
Gabrielle: I think we should go south... to to the land of the Pharaohs. I heard they need a girl with a chakram.
Xena: Where you go... I'm at your side.
Gabrielle: I knew you'd say that.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Send in the Clones (#6.16)" (2001)
Xena: [while putting The Pinch on Mac] I've just shut off the flow of blood to your brain. You'll be dead in thirty seconds unless you tell me what's going on!
[Mac checks his wrist watch]


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (#2.4)" (1996)
Xena: Find a way to make him presentable, and then we'll leave.
Joxer: Wait a minute. What did she mean, make you presentable?
Orpheus: She doesn't want me to look like you


"Xena: Warrior Princess: The Play's the Thing (#4.17)" (1999)
Minya: Gabrielle, I wanted to thank you! I never would have met Paulina if it wasn't for you! In fact, the two of you made me realize something deep down about myself that... I guess I always knew, but... just didn't dare admit. Yes... I'm a... thespian.
[She goes away hand in hand with Paulina]
Xena: Oh. Hah. Congratulations. You managed to touch someone.
Gabrielle: That's not exactly what I had in mind. I wanted to change... violent people into people of peace, not actors. That is what she said, right? Deep down, she's a thespian? Yeah, um... that's what she... said. Yeah.
Xena: Why? What'd you think?
Gabrielle: Thespian...


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Altared States (#1.19)" (1996)
Xena: I thought I told you to wait for me at the cave.
Gabrielle: I did. And then this rock told me I had to come find you.
Xena: The rock spoke to you?
Gabrielle: Oh. yeah. I mean, his voice was a little gravelly, but I understood.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Lost Mariner (#2.21)" (1997)
Xena: You just have to have faith.
Cecrops: Faith?! Faith has killed more people than war!


"Xena: Warrior Princess: A Fistful of Dinars (#1.14)" (1996)
Gabrielle: You can't sweet-talk information out of me - wrong target.
Petrocles: Oh, I don't know. Some people consider me the king of sweet-talk.
Gabrielle: Well, hand over the crown, 'cause you just met your match. When I was five, I talked my parents into giving me my own pony.
Petrocles: When I was fifteen, I talked a warlord into giving me his army.
Gabrielle: I once talked a Cyclops out of his dinner. And I was the dinner.
Petrocles: I talked Xena into marrying me.
Xena: [Far from both of them] Gabrielle, why don't you walk up here with me?
Gabrielle: You can keep your crown.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: The King of Assassins (#3.8)" (1997)
Xena: Joxer, you can barely kill TIME.


"Hercules: The Legendary Journeys: Armageddon Now: Part 2 (#4.14)" (1998)
Gabrielle: [In an alternative world where Xena has conquered the Known World and Gabrielle is her prisoner] I gave voice to the people - the fearful, starving, the ones who disappeared in the night, never to be seen again. Have you no dignity? No rights? A right to live, to be free from harm?
Xena: I guess they don't hear your voice.
Gabrielle: I'm not the only one. You can't break our spirit.
Xena: The cure for spirit is fear.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Athens City Academy of the Performing Bards (#1.13)" (1996)
Xena: See how calm the surface of the water is. That was me once. And then
[Xena throws a stone in the water]
Xena: , the water ripples and churns. That's what I became.
Gabrielle: But if we sit here long enough it will go back to being still again; go back to being calm.
Xena: But the stone is still under there. It's now part of the lake. It might look as it did before, but it's forever changed.


"Hercules: The Legendary Journeys: The Warrior Princess (#1.9)" (1995)
Iolaus: It's not every day I meet a beautiful woman that wants to wash my back.
Xena: Oh, I will do more for you than that, Iolaus... much more.
Iolaus: You do this for all your warriors?
Xena: Only special ones.
Iolaus: Oh. I hope there aren't too many of those.
Xena: Right now, there's just you.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: A Friend in Need Part I (#6.21)" (2001)
Xena: Gabrielle, if I only had thirty seconds to live, this is how I'd want to live them - looking into your eyes.
Gabrielle: Stop this. Stop it.
Xena: Always remember... I love you.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Adventures in the Sin Trade II (#4.2)" (1998)
Otere: Xena. Xena, um, there's something that you might not remember that I've been wanting...
Xena: Your father died defending his village against my army.
Otere: [nods] Mmm-hmm...
Xena: You must feel a lot of anger towards me...
Otere: Yes, but in some strange way, I owe you something. I mean, you- you taught me how to stay alive...
Xena: No! No, Otere. If you learn anything from that monster I used to be, it was how to stay dead. How to be numb to anything that is beautiful, or meaningful. And I can never ask your forgiveness, but I do ask that you let me help you build a new life. That's what my friend Gabrielle did for me.
Otere: [pauses and then nods] All right.
Xena: Thank you.
[starts crying]
Xena: I've got a lot of work to do.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: The Greater Good (#1.21)" (1996)
Xena: It's not about me. It's about these people. That's why we're here. People like this used to be my victims. I keep that in mind every time we come up against a warlord like Talmadeus. It's the greater good. Remember that.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: The Key to the Kingdom (#4.10)" (1999)
Ormestin: TWO Xenas?
Xena: That's right. Makes ya wanna cry like a baby, doesn't it?


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Sins of the Past (#1.1)" (1995)
Xena: [as Gabrielle pressures Xena to take her with her] I travel alone.
Gabrielle: So, where are you headed now?
Xena: Amphipolis.
Gabrielle: That's in Thrace, isn't it? I love to study maps and place names! So, what route do you usually take?
Xena: Don't even *think* about it.
Gabrielle: What?
Xena: Following me.
[pause]
Xena: You don't want to make me mad now, do ya?
[Gabrielle smiles and shakes her head]


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Coming Home (#6.1)" (2000)
Ares: I guess I'm finally getting to you.
Xena: You always got to me. But you were bad for me, Ares. You still are.
Ares: Xena, is there even a chance we could be together one day? I don't know, maybe, you know... one in a thousand?
Xena: More like one in a billion.
Ares: So you're saying there is a chance.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Sacrifice (#3.21)" (1998)
Callisto: [appears in a hidden cave] Oh, Xena, come on! I know you're here. Still trying to stop me, even though I'm doing you a favor...
Xena: [Xena flips down over to Callisto] You can do me a favor by handing over Hope!
Callisto: Oh, you figured it out, did you? Well, no can do! She's not quite up to snuff at the moment. She's cocooned, helpless. She needs her Auntie Callisto. And you would just run her through...
Xena: That's the idea!
Callisto: Yeah, well, I can't let it happen! See, I have plans for her. Big plans!
Xena: [Xena draws her sword] Well, forget about them!
[Callisto draws her sword]
Xena: And hand over that monster!
[Xena charges at Callisto and they fight]


Xena: Warrior Princess - A Friend in Need (The Director's Cut) (2002) (V)
Xena: Gabrielle, if I'd only have thirty seconds to live, that's how I'd want to live them, looking into your eyes.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: A Solstice Carol (#2.9)" (1996)
King Silvus: Wait a minute. You're one of those Solstice lovers, aren't you? One of those rebels who thinks that everything and everyone should stop once a year just to raise a glass, eat a goose, unwrap gifts! Well, you know what I say to that?
Xena: Bet I can guess.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: The Dirty Half Dozen (#3.3)" (1997)
Xena: I've got that answer to your question. Are you who you are, or are you who I made you?"
Gabrielle: And?
Xena: You're Gabrielle - bard, Amazon Princess... best friend. Nobody made you who you are, it was already there. The question is, who would I be without you?


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Death Mask (#1.23)" (1996)
Xena: - I promise you, Toris, if you murder Cortese, you'll become what I was.
Toris: I've seen you kill, Xena. What's the difference?
Xena: Maybe it's just a difference in my head, but the pure evil of murder's it is premeditated - it is not in the heat of the battle, and it's not for self-defence - you have been planning this for years.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: A Good Day (#4.5)" (1998)
Xena: War's a bitch.


"Xena: Warrior Princess: Last of the Centaurs (#6.17)" (2001)
Xena: Never step between two people and their passion.