Helen Lawson
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Quotes for
Helen Lawson (Character)
from Valley of the Dolls (1967)

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Valley of the Dolls (1967)
Helen Lawson: The only hit that comes out of a Helen Lawson show is Helen Lawson, and that's ME, baby, remember?

Neely O'Hara: Who are ya hiding from, Helen? The notices couldn't have been that bad.
Helen Lawson: The show just needs a little fine tuning.
Neely O'Hara: Don't worry, sweetheart. If the show folds I can always get a part as understudy for my grandmother.
Helen Lawson: Thanks. I already turned down the part you're playing.
Neely O'Hara: Bull! Merrick isn't that crazy.
Helen Lawson: You oughta know, honey, you just came out of the nuthouse.
Neely O'Hara: It was not a nuthouse!
Helen Lawson: Look. They drummed you right outta Hollywood! So ya come crawlin' back to Broadway. Well, Broadway doesn't go for booze and dope. Now you get outta my way, I got a guy waitin' for me.
Neely O'Hara: That's a switch from the fags you're usually stuck with!
Helen Lawson: At least I never had to MARRY one!
[pulls off Helen's wig while scuffling]
Neely O'Hara: ... oh my God, it's a wig! HER HAIR'S AS PHONY AS SHE IS!
Jennifer North: [She's wearing a very large headdress] I feel a little top heavy.
Play director: [Not meaning the thing on her head] Oh, honey. You are a little top heavy.

Helen Lawson: [singing] It's my yard So I will try hard To welcome friends I've yet to know! Oh, I'll plant my own tree. My! Own! Tree! And I!
Helen Lawson: Will!
Helen Lawson: Make!
Helen Lawson: It!
Helen Lawson: Grow!

Helen Lawson: I don't need pills like Neely. Sure, I knew you dried her out. But, it won't last. Neely hasn't got that hard core like me. She never learned to roll with the punches. And, believe me, in this business they come left, right and below the belt.

Helen Lawson: Give me that damn wig! What the hell are you doing in there?
Neely O'Hara: Giving it a shampoo. Goodbye, pussycat. Meeowwww!
[flushes toilet]
Helen Lawson: My God, she's throwing it in the can, I'll kill her!
Neely O'Hara: How do you like that? It won't even go down the john!
Helen Lawson: Give me that wig!
Neely O'Hara: Okay, you want it back? Here it comes, special delivery!
[tosses Helen's wet wig over the stall wall, then exits the stall]
Neely O'Hara: So long, Granny. I'll tell your boyfriend not to wait.

Helen Lawson: Give me a fountain pen and not one of those lousy ballpoints.

Helen Lawson: You! Go back to the office and tell that son-of-a-bitch to get off his butt and earn his oats.
Anne Welles: But, Miss Lawson, you haven't finished signing the contracts?
Helen Lawson: And I don't - intend to! Not until Bellamy ties a can to that little broad's tail.

Helen Lawson: I'll go out - the way I came in.

Henry Bellamy: I don't want to hear another word about quitting.
Lyon Burke: The going get's rough, they all talk about retirement.
Helen Lawson: Not me. I've had it rough before. I'm a barracuda.

Helen Lawson: Nothing can destroy her talent; but, she'll destroy herself.

Helen Lawson: And you, Lyon, you'd better watch it. Oh, sure, everything's rosy now. You skip from one thing to another - from one dame to another. But watch it, my friend. Find yourself a good girl. Have kids. Or, one day you'll wind up alone, like me, and wonder what the hell happened.