Bill Gates
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Quotes for
Bill Gates (Character)
from Pirates of Silicon Valley (1999) (TV)

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Pirates of Silicon Valley (1999) (TV)
Steve Jobs: What is this? This is like doing business with a praying mantis. You get seduced, and then eaten alive afterwards?
Bill Gates: Get real, would ya? You and I are both like guys who had this rich neighbor - Xerox - who left the door open all the time. And you go sneakin' in to steal a TV set. Only when you get there, you realize that I got there first. I got the loot, Steve! And you're yellin'? "That's not fair. I wanted to try to steal it first." You're too late.

Bill Gates: There may be a few... similarities.
Steve Jobs: Similarities? Similarities? Try theft.

Steve Jobs: We're better than you are! We have better stuff.
Bill Gates: You don't get it, Steve. That doesn't matter!

Bill Gates: Now, we know that IBM has set up this place to complete head-on with Apple, and that you're gearing up to come out with a personal computer that will wipe them out. So we can get you an operating system.
IBM executive: What kind of operating system?
Bill Gates: It's called DOS.
Ballmer (narrating): This is amazing. Not just amazing, it's historic. It should be taught in all the history books. Hung and framed in the National Gallery or something, because this is the instant of creation of one of the greatest fortunes in the history of the world. I mean, Bill Gates is the richest guy in the world because of what started in this room. And you wanna know what else? It wasn't exactly smoke and mirrors, but we didn't have anything! I mean, not a damn thing! Here we were, this two-bit little outfit, telling IBM we had the answer to their problems. The DOS? The Disk Operating System? To make all those zillion IBM computers compute? We didn't remotely own anything like what Bill was selling them. Nada. Zip.

Chris Larson: [laughs] Eureka! I created a program that can play blackjack.
Bill Gates: Chris, you've been here two days, and you're into blackjack?
Chris Larson: Yeah, so?
Bill Gates: So we've got work to do.

Bill Gates: Think they're hookers?
Paul Allen: Either that or motel inspectors. I saw one of them go into the room next to ours about a dozen times yesterday.

Bill Gates: I don't understand - how does the hardware handle the mouse/cursor display?
Gilmore: No, it's all right here in the software...
Steve Jobs: Enough!
[angrily mashes button, closing the Macintosh display]
Gilmore: Sorry, Steve.
Steve Jobs: There's no use torturing our guests with what they can't have.

Paul Allen: Bill, why did you tell them we had an operating system? We don't have a thing to sell them now, you know? We're dead!
Bill Gates: We're not dead, you're going to give us that miracle, right, Paul?
Paul Allen: Huh? Oh yeah, right...
Bill Gates: Come on, I thought you said you knew a guy we could buy an operating system from!
Paul Allen: I said I "sort of" know one.
Bill Gates: Sort of? Don't tell me "sort of"! I just told IBM!
Paul Allen: Sort of...

Bill Gates: Success is a menace. It fools smart people into thinking they can't lose.

[last lines]
Bill Gates: It's going to be very interesting, you know... you and me, working together?
Steve Jobs: Yeah. Yeah, it sure is.

Bill Gates: Honest to God, Ballmer. You have no culture.
Ballmer: Oh yeah, like you go around reading Plato! You're the only guy I know who can make furniture out of Playboys. Look, you got enough to make a chair. You don't have to worry about 'em moving around, 'cause they're all stuck together...
[laughs at his own joke]
Ballmer: They're all stuck together!

Bill Gates: Steve, all cars have steering wheels, but no one tries to claim that the steering wheel was their invention.

Bill Gates: You know how you survive? You make people need you. You survive because you make them need what you have. And then they have no where else to go.

Bill Gates: I think I had a date tonight with Ann.
Ballmer: I thought she was away on business.
Bill Gates: She is.
Ballmer: Then how can you have a date?
Bill Gates: Well, I go to a movie here, and then she goes to the same movie in Denver, and then we talk on the phone about it afterwards.
Ballmer: Jeez Bill, I hate to see what happens when you two have sex.

"Family Guy: Screwed the Pooch (#3.13)" (2001)
Peter Griffin: Crap, there's a toll booth. Anybody got a quarter?
Bill Gates: What's a quarter?

Michael Eisner: [flying through the sky with a jetpack] Man, the people look like ants from up here.
Bill Gates: They are ants, Michael! They ARE ants!

South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut (1999)
Army General: [shouting] You told us that windows 98 would be faster, and more efficient with better access to the internet!
Bill Gates: It IS faster! Over five million...
[General shoots Bill Gates and everyone cheers]

"The Simpsons: Das Bus (#9.14)" (1998)
Bill Gates: I didn't get rich by signing checks.