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Quotes for
'It's' Man (Character)
from "Monty Python's Flying Circus" (1969)

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"Monty Python's Flying Circus: The Money Programme (#3.3)" (1972)
Man: I'd like to have an argument, please.
Argument Clinic Recptionist: Certainly, sir, have you been here before?
Man: No. This will be my first time.
Argument Clinic Recptionist: I see. Well, do you want to have just one argument or were you thinking of taking a course?
Man: Well, what is the cost?
Argument Clinic Recptionist: Well, it's £1 for a five minute argument, but only £8 for a course of ten.
Man: Well, I think it would be best if I started off with just the one and then see how it goes.
Argument Clinic Recptionist: Fine. I'll see who's free at the moment. Mr. Bakley's free, but he's a little bit conciliatory. Ah yes, try Mr. Barnard, room 12.

Man: Look, this isn't an argument.
Mr. Vibrating: Yes it is.
Man: No it isn't, it's just contradiction.
Mr. Vibrating: No it isn't.
Man: It is.
Mr. Vibrating: It is not.
Man: Look, you contradicted me.
Mr. Vibrating: I did not.
Man: Oh you did.
Mr. Vibrating: No, no, no.
Man: You did just then.
Mr. Vibrating: Nonsense.
Man: Oh, this is futile.
Mr. Vibrating: No it isn't.
Man: I came here for a good argument.
Mr. Vibrating: No, you didn't. No, you came here for an argument.
Man: An argument isn't just contradiction.
Mr. Vibrating: It can be.

Man: An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.
Mr. Vibrating: No it isn't.
Man: Yes it is. It's not just contradiction.
Mr. Vibrating: Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.
Man: But that's not just saying, "No it isn't."
Mr. Vibrating: Yes it is.
Man: No it isn't. An argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes.
Mr. Vibrating: No it isn't.
Man: Yes it is.
Mr. Vibrating: Not at all.
Man: Now look...
Mr. Vibrating: [bell rings] Good morning.
Man: What?
Mr. Vibrating: That's it. Good morning.
Man: It was just getting interesting.
Mr. Vibrating: Sorry, the five minutes is up.
Man: That was never five minutes.

Mr. Vibrating: Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.
Man: Yes, but that's not just saying "No it isn't."
Mr. Vibrating: Yes it is!
Man: No it isn't!


"Monty Python's Flying Circus: Intermission (#1.13)" (1970)
Man: Officer?
Policeman: Yes?
Man: I'm terribly sorry, but I was sitting on that bench over there, and dozed off for a while, and when I woke up I found my wallet gone and 500 pounds to be stolen.
Policeman: Well, uh, did you see anyone around, anyone at all...?
Man: No, none at all, that's the trouble.
Policeman: Well, I'm afraid there's not much we can do about that, sir.
[long pause]
Man: You wanna go back to my place?
[another pause]
Policeman: Yeah, all right.

Surgeon: Ah come in, please take a seat. My colleague who has a similar office has explained your case to me. Mr. Notlob, as you know I am a leading Harley Street surgeon as seen on television.
[Puts needle down on gramophone; "Dr. Kildare" theme begins playing]
Surgeon: I'm afraid I'm going to have to operate. It's nothing to worry about, although it is extremely dangerous. I shall be juggling with your life, I shall be playing ducks and drakes with your very existence, I shall be running me mitts over the pith of your marrow. Yes! These hands, these fingers, these sophisticated organs of touch, these bunches of five, these maulers, these German bands that have pulled many a moribund unfortunate back from the very brink of Lazarus's box. No, it was Pandora's box wasn't it? Well anyway, these mitts have earned yours truly a lot of bread. So if you'll just step through here I'll slit you up a treat.
Man: What?
Surgeon: Mr. Notlob, there's nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can't prolong.


"Monty Python's Flying Circus: The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra Goes to the Bathroom (#1.11)" (1969)
Man: Dear Sir. I object strongly to the letters on your programme. They are clearly not written by the general public and are merely included for a cheap laugh. Yours etc., William Knickers.


"Monty Python's Flying Circus: The Ant, an Introduction (#1.9)" (1969)
Kenny Lust: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the refreshment room here at Bletchley. My name is Kenny Lust and I'm your compère for tonight. You know, once in a while it is my pleasure, and my privilege, to welcome here at the refreshment room, some of the truly great international artists of our time. And tonight we have one such artist. Ladies and gentlemen, someone whom I've always personally admired, perhaps more deeply, more strongly, more abjectly than ever before. A man... well, more than a man, a god, a great god, whose personality is so totally and utterly wonderful my feeble words of welcome sound wretchedly and pathetically inadequate. Someone whose boots I would gladly lick clean until holes wore through my tongue, a man who is so totally and utterly wonderful, that I would rather be sealed in a pit of my own filth than dare tread on the same stage with him! Ladies and gentlemen... the incomparably superior human being, Harry Fink!
Man: [from offstage] He can't come!
Kenny Lust: Never mind, he's not all he's cracked up to be.


"Monty Python's Flying Circus: Owl-Stretching Time (#1.4)" (1969)
Second Man in Self-defense class: [about the Self-Defense topic] Can't we do something else for a change?
Fourth man who is interested in pointed sticks: Like if someone attacks you with a pointed stick?
RSM Teaching Self-Defense: Pointed stick? Oh, oh, oh. We want to learn how to defend ourselves against pointed sticks, do we? Gettin' all high and mighty, eh? Fresh fruit not good enough, eh? Oh, oh, oh, oh. WELL, I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING, MY LAD! When you're walking home tonight and some homicidal maniac comes after you with a bunch of loganberries, don't come cryin' to ME!


"Monty Python's Flying Circus: Whither Canada? (#1.1)" (1969)
It's Man: [the very first line of the series] It's...