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: I'm afraid I'm going to have to be the one to break the news to you, Taffy. I've thrown Gater out and started divorce proceedings. I don't want to seem overly bitter, but I'd appreciate it if you would destroy all of his belongings.
: Mr. Weinberger, Dawn Davenport is eating a meatball sandwich right out in class! And she's been passing notes! Dawn Davenport
: I was not eating!
: Where did you get this crap, Taffy? I told you to spend that money I gave you on a cute outfit, but ooooh-noooo! As soon as my back is turned, you run right out and spend it on props for your morbid little games! Well, I want it cleaned up pronto! We're having guests for dinner and I want you looking as P-R-E-T-T-Y as humanly possible!
: I've DONE everything a mother can do: I've locked her in her room, I've beat her with the car aerial. Nothing changes her. It's HARD being a loving mother!
: What's that camera for? Donald Dasher
: To take pictures of your mother. Taffy Davenport
: HER? Donald Dasher
: We happen to think she's quite beautiful. Taffy Davenport
: You must be cockeyed, then! HEY, lady! Have some CHIPS! Donna Dasher
: Really, I couldn't. Thanks, but uh, no thanks. Taffy Davenport
: (mockingly) Nuh NYEHH nuh NYEEHHH. Dawn Davenport
: You want your spaghetti with or without cheese? Donna Dasher
: I'll have two chicken breasts please. Dawn Davenport
: Well, uh, we're not having that, we're having spaghetti. Donna Dasher
: I couldn't possibly eat spaghetti, do I look Italian? Donald Dasher
: We rarely eat any form of noodle. But I'll take a small portion to be polite, with cheese, please. Donna Dasher
: I'll have an extremely large glass of ice-water.
: [answering phone
] Hello? Dawn Davenport
: Is Earl Peterson there? Earl Peterson! This is Dawn Davenport. Dawn Davenport... you made love to me Christmas morning.
] Dawn Davenport
: Well I just called to tell you I'm pregnant and I want money. Earl Peterson
: You stole my wallet, you fat bitch! Dawn Davenport
: So what if I did? I want money! Earl Peterson
: You'll never get any money from me, cow! Just cause you got them big udders don't mean you're somethin' special. Get the hook! Go fuck yourself for all I care. YEAH! Go fuck yourself!
] Dawn Davenport
: Hello? Hello? UGH!
: Aahhh! Ahhhh! Dawn, ya son of a bitch! You're the one who did it! YOU! You drove Gater away!
[as Ida enters the room
] Donald Dasher
: Oh my God! Donna Dasher
: Incredible! Dawn Davenport
: Ida Nelson, you get out of my house!
[hurling acid into Dawn's face
] Aunt Ida
: You made Gater leave! I got somethin for your face, motherfucker!
[after sticking a carrot in Dawn's mouth at the moment of sexual climax
: I got off on it! I really got off on it! Dawn Davenport
: Oh DID you? Well, hip hip hooray for your cheap climax! What about ME, fuck face?
: You're a pain, Taffy. A pain in my big asshole!
[Dawn discovers the shoe box under the Xmas tree does not contain cha cha heels
] Dawn Davenport
: WHAT are THESE? Mrs. Davenport
: Those are your new shoes, Dawn! Dawn Davenport
: Those aren't the right kind, I told you cha cha heels, black ones! Mr. Davenport
: Nice girls don't wear cha cha heels! Dawn Davenport
: Gimmie those presents, I'll never wear those ugly shoes! I told you the kind I wanted! You ruined my Christmas!
[stomps the Xmas presents
] Mrs. Davenport
: Please, Dawn! Not on Christmas! Dawn Davenport
: Get off me, you ugly witch!
[pushes mother into the Xmas tree
] Mr. Davenport
: Dawn Davenport, are you crazy, look at your mother! Dawn Davenport
: Get off me... LAY OFF ME! I hate you, fuck you! Fuck you both, you awful people! You're not my parents! I hate you, I hate this house, and I hate Christmas! Mrs. Davenport
: Not on Christmas! Not on Christmas!
: Hey there, Taffy. Dawn Davenport
: She's been a hideous little girl today, she was about to get a good whippin'! Chicklette
: She looks so cute. Taffy as a child
: Who are you, UGLY? Dawn Davenport
: You know who they are! Taffy as a child
: I've never seen THEM before. Dawn Davenport
: Oh, TAFFY. Chicklette
: I just saw you yesterday, Taffy. Come sit here with your Aunt Chicklette!
[Taffy bites Chicklette's arm
: OH MY GOD, this kid's BITIN' me! Get off! Dawn Davenport
: This is ridiculous...
: [consoling Dawn
] Just get your hair done. That's what I always do when I get depressed. Dawn Davenport
: Maybe I will. Concetta
: I'll tell ya, the Lipstick Beauty Salon is the best. They only let, well, you know, 'special' girls in. You have to audition to even get your hair done! Chicklette
: AND, there's this guy that does hair there, MMMM MMMM. I'd suck the socks off him in a minute. Concetta
: Yeah, Gater's his name, and you know what? He lives right next door. Dawn Davenport
: Wonder what HIS story is? Maybe he's a... CHUBBY CHASER!
: [showing up at Superstar nightclub dressed in saffron robes
] Hare Krishna, mother! Dawn Davenport
: You've finally done it, haven't you! Embarrassed me on my night of FAME!
] Dawn Davenport
: No reporters saw you did they
[Taffy shaking off her mother's hands
] Dawn Davenport
: Look at you, I could vomit! Donald Dasher
: THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF BEAUTY! Donna Dasher
: Remember Alice Crimmins.
: Davenport. Dawn Davenport! I'm a thief and a shitkicker, and, uh, I'd like to be famous.
: I'd like to set fire to this dump! Concetta
: Just 'cause we're pretty everybody's jealous!
Taffy as a child
: Why can't I go to school? Why can't I have friends? Dawn Davenport
: You can't go to school because I said so. I won't have you nagging me for lunch money and whining for help on your homework. There is no need to know about presidents, wars, numbers or science. Just listen to me and you'll learn. And no little friends over here, repeating rhymes, asking flippant questions, and talking in those nagging baby voices. Can't you just sit here and look out into the air? Isn't that enough? Do you always have to badger me for attention?
: Thank you! I love you! Thank you! Thank you from the bottom of my black little heart! You came here for some excitement tonight and that's just what you're going to get! Take a good look at ME because I'm going to be on the front of every newspaper in this country tomorrow! You're looking at crime personified AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT! I framed Leslie Bacon! I called the heroin hot line on Abby Hoffman! I bought the gun that Bremmer used to shoot Wallace! I had an affair with Juan Corona! I blew Richard Speck! And I'm so fucking beautiful I can't stand it myself! Now, everybody freeze! Who wants to be famous? Who wants to DIE for art?
: To receptionist: "I just want my hair done, quickly and quietly."