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: I was thinking tonight - do you remember, Dick? Do you remember when you used to drive me on dates with the other boys? You didn't want to let me out of your sight. Richard M. Nixon
: Yeah, sure, a long time ago. Pat Nixon
: Yes, it's been a long time...
[sensing a signal, recoils
] Richard M. Nixon
: I don't need that, buddy. I'm not Jack Kennedy. Pat Nixon
] No, you're not. So stop comparing yourself to him. You have no reason to. You have everything you ever wanted. You've earned it. Why can't you just enjoy it? Richard M. Nixon
: I do. I do. In my own way. Pat Nixon
: Then what are you scared of, honey? Richard M. Nixon
: I'm not scared, buddy... You don't understand. They're playing for keeps, buddy. The press, the kids, the liberals - they're out there, trying to figure out how to tear me down. Pat Nixon
: They're all your enemies? Richard M. Nixon
: Yes! Pat Nixon
: You personally? Richard M. Nixon
: Yes! This is about me. Why can't you understand that, you of all people? It's not the war - It's Nixon! They want to destroy Nixon! And if I expose myself even the slightest bit they'll tear my insides out. Do you want that? Do you want to see that, buddy? It's not pretty. Pat Nixon
: Sometimes I think that's what you want. Richard M. Nixon
] What the hell are you saying? Are you drunk? Jesus, you sound just like them now! I've got to keep fighting, buddy, for the country. These people running things, the elite... they're soft, chickenshit faggots! They just want to cover their asses and meet girls and tear each other down. Oh, God, this country's in deep, deep trouble, buddy... and I have to see this through. Mother would've wanted no less of me. Pat Nixon
: I just wish... you knew how much I love you, that's all. It took me a long time to fall in love with you, Dick. But I did. And it doesn't make you happy. You want them to love you...
[motions outward, indicating the public
] Richard M. Nixon
] No, I don't. I'm not Jack... Pat Nixon
: But they never will, Dick. No matter how many elections you win, they never will.
: When do the rest of us stop PAYING OFF YOUR DEBTS?
H. R. Haldeman
: You making any statement? Richard M. Nixon
: Thank you, Fidel Castro! Pat Nixon
: You're not going to blame Castro, are you? Richard M. Nixon
: I'm sure am. Goddamn missile crisis united the whole country behind Kennedy and he was supporting Brown. People were scared, that's why. Pat Nixon
: I suppose Castro staged the whole thing just to beat you. Richard M. Nixon
: Buddy, before you join the jubilation of my being beaten again you should remember that people vote not out of love but fear. They don't teach that at Sunday school or the Whitier Community Playhouse. H. R. Haldeman
: [leaving the room
] I'll go check with our people. Pat Nixon
: I'm glad they don't, Dick. I'm glad they don't because life is tough and it is unfair and sometimes you forget that in your self pity.
: I have always stood by you. I campaigned for you when I was pregnant. During Checkers, when Ike wanted you out, I told you to fight. This is different, Dick. You've changed. You've grown more bitter, like you're at war with the world. You didn't use to be that way. I'm 50 years old now, Dick. How many millions of miles have I traveled? How many millions of hands have I shaken of people I just don't like? How many millions of thank you notes have I written? Its as if I went to sleep a long time ago and missed the years in between. I've had enough. Richard M. Nixon
: What are you saying? What are you talking about? Pat Nixon
: I want a divorce.
: First Lady, I'm sorry I pimp-slapped you into that china cabinet. I used excessive force. Oftentimes, I cross the line, but I try to do so in the name of what's right. Most of the time, the ends justifies the means. But in this case, I feel like I betrayed my own code of ethics. And for that, sugar, I apologize. Patricia Nixon
: But I shot at you. I tried to kill you, Black Dynamite. Black Dynamite
: This is true, but you did not connect. You shot a plate. Had you connected, pimp-slapping you into that china cabinet might have been justified. But I feel I crossed the line. And for that, please accept my apology. Patricia Nixon
: I do. I do, it's just... oh, Black Dynamite, you're so righteous. Black Dynamite
: This is also true. Because whenever there's injustice,
] Black Dynamite
: wrongs to be...
[Gloria suddenly appears and embraces Black Dynamite
: Oh, Black Dynamite! Patricia Nixon
: [Tugging Black Dynamite's pants
] Go on, honey. Black Dynamite
: [Pulls out his handgun and points it straight ahead
] Because whenever there's injustice, wrongs to be righted,
[as Gloria sits down, holding Black Dynamite's left leg
] Black Dynamite
: innocents to be defended, Black Dynamite will be there, delivering ass-whuppings. and I will not hesitate to lay the hammer down on any clown that comes around.
[Pulls out his nunchucks
] Black Dynamite
: Because if they wanna fight, they best come see me, because I'm Black Dynamite.
[Pat Nixon proceeds to approach Black Dynamite and hold his right leg
: Take your filthy black hands off the presidential dinnerware, you moon-cricket!