Bill Clinton
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Quotes for
Bill Clinton (Character)
from "Saturday Night Live" (1975)

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"Family Guy: Bill & Peter's Bogus Journey (#5.13)" (2007)
Peter Griffin: I love prank calls.
Bill Clinton: [on the phone] Is this Linda Tripp?
Linda Tripp: Yes?
Bill Clinton: You shouldn't have talked you stupid bitch! I hope you die!
[Bill slams the phone down. Peter is obviously uncomfortable]
Peter Griffin: Uh Bill that wasn't a prank call. That was just unpleasant.

Bill Clinton: [after having sex with Lois] Hey, you up for a little NAFTA?
Lois Griffin: What's that?
Bill Clinton: 'Nother Afternoon Fuckin' That Ass!

[Peter and Bill are stoned off their asses]
Peter Griffin: Boy, I'm getting kind of hungry.
Bill Clinton: Me, too.

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)
Dr. Evil: Talk to the hand, 'cause the face don't wanna hear it anymore.
The President: What hand? Talk to your hand?
Dr. Evil: You ain't all that and a bag of potato chips.
The President: What are you talking about?
Dr. Evil: Don't go there, girlfriend.
[snaps fingers]
Dr. Evil: Mmhmm.
The President: Whose girlfriend?
Dr. Evil: Don't mess with me. I'm one crazy mo-fo. I had to pop a cop cause he wasn't giving me my props in Oaktown. No? I've heard that somewhere.

The President: Jiminy Jumpin' Jesus, I can't believe we're gonna pay that madman. I got nukes out the ying-yang. Just let me launch one, for God's sake.
Commander Gilmour: Sir. Are you suggesting that we blow up the moon?
The President: Would you miss it?
[looks around the table]
The President: Would you miss it?

Dr. Evil: Mr. President, after I destroy Washington D.C... I will destroy another major city every hour on the hour. That is, unless, of course, you pay me...
Dr. Evil: one hundred billion dollars.
The President: [bursts with laughter] Dr. Evil, this is 1969! That amount of money doesn't even exist.
The President: That's like saying,
[with changed voice]
The President: "I want a kajillion bajillion dollars."

"Lil' Bush: Resident of the United States: Three Dates (#2.5)" (2008)
Lil' George: I'm off to the dance with my one date, yep one date, one date.
Barbara Bush: Why did you say one date three times?
Lil' George: What, I don't have three dates, you're crazy.

Lil' George: All the numbers are here: one, two, seven, that guy.

"The Simpsons: Saddlesore Galactica (#11.13)" (2000)
Bill Clinton: Thank you Lisa for teaching kids everywhere a valuable lesson. If things don't go your way just keep complaining until your dreams come true.
Marge Simpson: That's a pretty lousy lesson.
Bill Clinton: Hey, I'm a pretty lousy President.

Lisa: Thank you, Mr. President.
Bill Clinton: No, thank you, Lisa. For teaching kids everywhere a valuable lesson: If things don't go your way, just keep complaining until your dreams come true.
Marge: That's a pretty lousy lesson.
Bill Clinton: Hey, I'm a pretty lousy president.

Beavis and Butt-Head Do America (1996)
President Clinton: Beavis and Butt-head, on behalf of your fellow Americans I extend my deepest thanks. You exemplify a fine new crop of young Americans who will grow into the leaders of this great country.
Butt-head: Huh huh huh huh. He said, "extend."
Beavis: Oh, yeah.

Bill Clinton: In recognition of your great service, I'm appointing you honorary agents in the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.
Butt-head: Whoa. Alcohol and tobacco?
Beavis: Yeah. And firearms! Yeah.
Bill Clinton: Cool, huh?
Butt-head: Cigarettes and beer kick ass.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. We're in the bureau of beer and fire and cigarettes. And maybe some chicks, too.

"Beavis and Butt-Head: Citizen Butt-head (#3.12)" (1993)
President Clinton: Hello my fellow Americans. You know I've always been interested in young people. Hell I even made one.
Butt-head: Huh huh, he did it with that chick on the magazine cover.

President Clinton: Did you boys have a question?
Butt-head: Uh, since you're like the President and in charge of the army and stuff, could you like invade some country and set it on fire? And you could like fly over the country in a chopper with a loud speaker and you could yell...
[in a russian accent]
Butt-head: "I am the President of the United States. The most powerful nation on earth. And you must bow down and kiss my butt!"
Beavis: Yeah. Heh-heh. The streets will flow with the blood of the non-believers!

Mr. Peabody & Sherman (2014)
George Washington: I hereby grant Mr. Peabody a Presidential pardon.
Abraham Lincoln: Me too!
Bill Clinton: I've done worse.

"Family Guy: Death Has a Shadow (#1.1)" (1999)
Reporter: Mr. President, why do think the American public has continued to support you throughout these impeachment proceedings?
Bill Clinton: Umm, probably cause you're so fat. A ha ha ha ha.

The Special Relationship (2010) (TV)
Bill Clinton: This Administration has been born in controversy, national shame and illegality, and it is my bet that that's the way they'll go out.

"Saturday Night Live: Drew Barrymore/Kelis (#29.12)" (2004)
Young Bill Clinton: [to young John Kerry] Hey, G.I. Joe, why don't you do us all a favor and jump on that grenade?
[indicating young Hillary Rodham]

"Saturday Night Live: Kate Hudson/Radiohead (#26.2)" (2000)
President Bill Clinton: Listen, America, I have felt your pain before and I feel it now. In the coming months I'm going to appoint a special council to look into the legality of the - of this 8-year term limit thing. I think there's some fudging we can do. Because if there's one thing I've learned, our laws are like pinatas - the more you beat 'em, the more candy you get.

"Lil' Bush: Resident of the United States: Weekend at Saddamy's (#2.6)" (2008)
Lil' George: Oh yeah, and the kid pope is an alien who goes to Hawaii to forget about his ex-girlfriend.