Maxine 'Max' Felice Shaw
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Quotes for
Maxine 'Max' Felice Shaw (Character)
from "Living Single" (1993)

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"Living Single: Judging by the Cover (#1.1)" (1993)
Regine Hunter: Why does this keep happenin' to me?
Maxine: Cause you keep lookin for someone to carry you.
Regine Hunter: What's wrong with that?
Khadijah: They keep droppin' yo' ass.

Maxine: The bottom line is men are nothing but speed bumps on the road to happiness.
Regine Hunter: No no, I think they're more like cheap pantyhose at the worse possible moment they run on you.
Synclaire James-Jones: But did you ever stop to think about what the world be like without men?
Khadijah: A bunch of fat happy women and no crime!

Regine Hunter: [after being stood up] What is wrong with me? Why do I keep doing this to myself?
Maxine: You just want someone to carry you.
Regine Hunter: What's wrong with that?
Khadijah: 'Cause they keep DROPPIN' yo' ass!

"Living Single: Come Back Little Diva (#3.1)" (1995)
Khadijah: You mean you and Kyle been together three months and your already buying him draws?
Maxine: I need a little Tabasco with my jalapeño if you know what I'm saying.
Synclaire James-Jones: Well, which way is the front?
Maxine: That depends on how freaky I'm feeling.

Kyle: We'll talk about this later.
Maxine: Fine, I wont be listening.

"Living Single: Grumpy Old Man (#3.4)" (1995)
Khadijah James: [Speaking about Kyle being in a funk over turning 30] I don't know why he's tripping like this.
Kyle Barker: Turning 30 can be very difficult. That's why I simply refuse.
Maxine 'Max' Felice Shaw: Personally, I look forward to turning 30.
Kyle Barker: Why is that, Obie?
Maxine 'Max' Felice Shaw: 'Cause I'm an optimist. I look forward to damn near anything.

"Living Single: Abstinence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder (#2.9)" (1994)
Maxine: [Regine is about to take a "before" picture of Synclaire, before she takes her relationship with Overton to the next level] Someone ought to create a greeting card for the first time you get with your man. They have cards for every other occasion.
Regine Hunter: Hey. How about this? "Don't worry. It gets better."
Maxine: Or, how about this: "We knew you could do it. We had no doubt. Now go to your man and wear him out!"

"Living Single: The Naked Truth (#1.11)" (1993)
Maxine: They're about to box. Maybe we should stop up for a visit.
Regine Hunter: You are awful. You started this whole thing Max.
Maxine: I did, didn't I? It's a gift. I don't own it.

"Living Single: Never Can Say Goodbye (#4.24)" (1997)
Maxine 'Max' Felice Shaw: [Coming out of the bathroom and drying her hands on the curtains] I can't think of a more appropriate time to share this. Marriage is for fools. A wise person once said, "Men are good for two things: sperm and support." Well, you can go to a bank for sperm and slap on a bra for support so
[blows raspberry]

"Living Single: In the Black Is Beautiful (#1.5)" (1993)
Maxine: [to Khadijah] I'll make it out to the society for the treatment of schizophrenic black women who own magazines okay?

"Living Single: Working Nine to Nine-Fifteen (#2.4)" (1994)
Maxine: [after everyone is worried about her unemployment] I am Maxine Shaw, the *baddest* attorney at law. Now there have been offers in the past and there will be plenty in the future. All I have to do is sit here and wait on your phone to ring
Regine Hunter: Ha! Ha! Oh, no, dear. You see, after you left, I had all your phone calls re-forwarded *back* to your machine.
Maxine: I know. I had them re-reforwarded.
Regine Hunter: Noooo!
[while running upstairs in anger]
Maxine: You got to get up *pretty* early in the morning to get one over on me!

"Living Single: Singing the Blues (#2.15)" (1995)
Kyle Barker: [Talking into his tape recorder] Note to Sabrina: expect a call from Black Enterprise.
Maxine 'Max' Felice Shaw: [Max grabs his recorder] Note to Sabrina: there are several poisons that can't be traced!
[Kyle pulls recorder away]
Maxine 'Max' Felice Shaw: Think about it! Think about it!

"Living Single: The Shake-Up (#2.27)" (1995)
Maxine 'Max' Felice Shaw: Alright, Kyle! I don't know who you think you are, but I did not spend the whole day cooking, cleaning, and hanging pictures for the first time so that you could cancel on me at the last minute.
Kyle Barker: But see...
Maxine 'Max' Felice Shaw: But nothing! I've had enough of this humility crap! You saved my life and there is such a thing as being gracious.
Kyle Barker: Max...
Maxine 'Max' Felice Shaw: Max my ass! I've got a roast that's ready! A salad that's going to wilt and candles I plan to light. So you are going to come to my house. I'm going to stuff food down your throat and you will feel thanked! Is that clear?

"Living Single: The Hand That Robs the Cradle (#1.17)" (1994)
Kyle: So a younger man huh? That's unnatural.
Maxine: Yea well so was your birth.

"Living Single: Bristle While You Work (#2.5)" (1994)
Overton 'Obie' Wakefield Jones: [to the tune of Rolling on the River] I left a good tool in the city/ I left it on the counter back in '93/ But I never saw another tool just like it/ 'Til I went to the Hardware Hut in N-Y-C/ Cause the screwdriver keep on turnin'
Maxine 'Max' Felice Shaw: [joining in with Overton] Turnin'
Overton 'Obie' Wakefield Jones: Ball sander keep on burnin'
Maxine 'Max' Felice Shaw: Burnin'
Overton 'Obie' Wakefield Jones: Turnin'
Maxine 'Max' Felice Shaw: Turnin'
Overton 'Obie' Wakefield Jones: And Burnin'
Maxine 'Max' Felice Shaw: Burnin'
Overton 'Obie' Wakefield Jones: Burnin' on the river
Overton 'Obie' Wakefield Jones, Maxine 'Max' Felice Shaw: Burnin' on the ri-ver

"Living Single: There's No Ship Like Kinship (#2.14)" (1994)
Maxine 'Max' Felice Shaw: Overton, have you tried some sort of sleep aid?
Overton 'Obie' Wakefield Jones: Girl, I've tried them all; Sleep X, Snooze-a-fan Plus, Maximum Strength Snoreson. I even tried the generic brand: Go To Sleep.

"Living Single: Quittin' Time (#1.10)" (1993)
Maxine: I pay with my advice.
[Kyle walks in]
Maxine: Always lock the door.

"Living Single: Moi the Jury (#4.5)" (1996)
Judge Wills: Ms. Hunter, don't make me use the magic hammer!
Khadijah James: [Quietly, to Max] I hope she know they're not gonna let her take all them wigs to the big house.
Judge Wills: [to Regine] I wish I had the power to sentence the citizen to shame, but, alas, I do not. I find you in contempt of court and sentence you...
Maxine 'Max' Felice Shaw: [Stands up] Excuse me, Your Honor. Maxine Shaw, public defender, Park Slope Alderwoman.
Judge Wills: Yes, Ms. Shaw?
Maxine 'Max' Felice Shaw: I'd like to point out that the juror is a solid citizen, with community...
Judge Wills: Ms. Shaw, you are an officer of the court and a public official and you're telling me that you know this simpleton?
Maxine 'Max' Felice Shaw: I request my name and comments be stricken from the record.
[Sits down]
Khadijah James: [to Max] You save yourself, Girl. Don't you go down with that ship! You let it sink!