Joana d'Arc
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Quotes for
Joana d'Arc (Character)
from The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc (1999)

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Joan of Arc (1948)
Joan of Arc: My gentle Dauphin, it is you I seek, for I have come a long way to find you and no other can take your place. God has spoken to me through His messengers, and it is His will that I come to aid you and that you be King of France.

Joan of Arc: BISHOP! I die through you!

Joan of Arc: I think I have courage to die, but not to die thus in small sick ways.

The Dauphin: A ruler must compromise and bargain with the lowest kind of people, even the enemy. Men are governed by corruption, they like it.
Joan of Arc: Men hate corruption, and God hates it!
The Dauphin: I don't know about God, but men take to it very naturally.

Jean Beaupere: What do your voices tell you?
Joan of Arc: They tell me to answer you boldly.
Jean le Maistre: Did they promise to deliver you?
Joan of Arc: Saint Catherine told me I would be rescued. I do not know whether this means I will be delivered by a French attack upon this city of Rouen, or something else. But I was told I would be freed by a great victory.

Joan of Arc: [after seeing a soldier perish in flames during battle] Death by fire is a horrible thing.

Joan of Arc: [to her troops, after hearing her voices] This is the hour. Now is the time. In God's name, strike! Strike boldly!

Joan of Arc: My King, have you taken money from the English?
The Dauphin: That is not a question a king should be asked - or have to answer.

Joan of Arc: [after receiving no answer from her voices] Then I must go forth alone, without knowing how.

Joan of Arc: But if I had a hundred fathers and a hundred mothers, I could not go back. I must go forward now.
Isabelle d'Arc: Then tell me where, Jeanette, towards what would you go?

La Hire: Why are you crying?
Joan of Arc: Because they're dead. Horribly dead. And it was I who killed them.
La Hire: Killed who?
Joan of Arc: All these men. Ours, and the enemy's.
La Hire: Huh! Are you crying about the English?
Joan of Arc: I have no hatred for the English. I spoke bold and loud so that you would follow me. I thought victory would be beautiful, but it is an ugly, bloody thing.
La Hire: Why, there never was a more beautiful victory than this!

Joan of Arc: Oh sweet God, forgive me - forgive me! I was afraid. What I said was for fear of the fire. I have damned my soul to save my life.
[She weeps, but then, overjoyed, hears something we cannot]
Joan of Arc: You speak to me! And I denied you.

Joan of Arc: I see it so clearly now - my "victory" is my martyrdom. My "escape" - my death.

Sir William Glasdale: I have never feared sorcery, and I take no warning from a harlot.
Joan of Arc: [holding back tears] I meant only well to you.

Joan of Arc: You see there is no strength in me, and no strength in my hands. There is no strength in any of our hands great enough to win against the English. Our strength is in our faith. And if our faith is eaten away by little things that God hates, then, though there be a million of us, we should be beaten back and die.

Joan of Arc: Don't swear, La Hire. But if you must, swear "by my staff".
La Hire: "By my staff!" What kind of an oath is that?

La Hire: She's one of two things - either a charlatan, or a fool.
Joan of Arc: As for the first, I can't answer, as I don't know what the word means. If I am a fool, God as least has not held it against me.

Joan of Arc: There must be no swearing in this army, among high or low.
La Hire: Do you want to strike the army dumb?
Joan of Arc: This must begin with you.

The Dauphin: I'm not sure God wants me to be king. Why should God send me help, when I am - what I am?
Joan of Arc: Put aside your doubts and fears, my lord Dauphin. Be noble as I have dreamed you to be - be as God requires you to be.

Bertrand de Poulengy: When do we set out?
Joan of Arc: Today rather than tomorrow; tomorrow rather than the day after.

Joan of Arc: Believe me, I'd rather go home and spin with my mother, for this is not my proper place.

The Dauphin: The truth is Joan, I'm not the sort of person God will be very likely to be interested in. Truly I'm not. No, I'm no worse than the others here probably, but God bothers very little with any of us, if you should ask me. Now, I've been honest with you; be honest with me. What is it you want? Money? Lands? Presents? I'm a poor man, in spite of being...
Joan of Arc: It is not true that God takes no interest in you. You say that to hide yourself from me, as you hid just now among the women - but God will find you out, and make you king.

Joan of Arc: All I have done, I have done by the command of my Lord - that is, all I have done well.

Joan of Arc: You say that you are my judges - I do not know if you are, but I say this: take care not to judge me wrongly, for in truth, I am sent by God, and you place yourself in great danger.

Joan of Arc: I should be in a church prison, guarded by women. Must you leave me here, Father Massieu?
Father Massieu: I am commanded to leave you here. God keep you, child.

Joan of Arc: I have heard my voices again - they told me I did a very wicked thing by denying them, but they have forgiven me. I have faith in them - I have none in you.
Jean le Maistre: This is a fatal answer.
Father Massieu: Joan, do you know what this means? It means the fire - your death.
Joan of Arc: To live without faith is more terrible than the fire, more terrible than dying young. I have nothing more to do here. Send me back to God, from whom I came.

Joan of Arc: It cannot take long to die - there will be a little pain, and then it will end.
[she shakes her head]
Joan of Arc: No, the pain won't be little - but it will end.

Joan of Arc: [Joan pleads that the siege be continued] We need only to go forward, and the fort is ours!
La Hire: If she wants to attack - we attack.

Joan of Arc: Oh sweet God, you have been with me always. Be with me now, through the darkness. For I meant hurt to no one - let none be hurt for me.

Joan of Arc: I am to lead the Dauphin's armies.
Sir Robert de Baudricourt - governor of Vaucouleurs: To lead his armies? When did the Dauphin have an army? And women don't lead armies, girl, they follow. If you want to become that, a camp follower, it can be arranged.

Jean Beaupere: Why did you display your banner at the coronation?
Joan of Arc: It had shared in the toil, it was only right that it should share in the honor.

Jean - Duke d'Alencon: La Hire takes pride in being a plain, blunt fellow without polish for anybody, so think nothing of his greeting. He fights well.
Joan of Arc: If he fights well, I shall like him.

Joan of Arc: Having lived amongst soldiers, it was more fitting for me that I should wear man's clothes.

Jean Beaupere: Do you believe that you are in a state of grace?
Joan of Arc: If I am not, may God put me there. If I am, may... may He keep me there.

Joan of Arc: [last lines, at the stake] Glory be to the Father as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be world without end!... Jesus!
[gasps in pain]
Joan of Arc: ...Jesus!
[Cut to a shot of the crucifix in front of Joan; the flames overwhelm it and now all we see is smoke that eventually dissolves into heavenly light]


The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc (1999)
[In questioning Joan regarding all the gifts that King Charles VII bestowed upon her]
Priest: What about all these dresses you were given? Silk dresses, weren't they?
Joan of Arc: Yes, I was given a few, but I never had time to wear them.
Priest: Still... pretty wealthy for a peasant girl, wouldn't you say?
Joan of Arc: You look pretty wealthy to be a servant of God, wouldn't you say?

Joan of Arc: All you have to do is do as you're told. What could be simpler than that? I am the drum on which God is beating out His messages. And right now He is beating so hard, it's splinting my ears!

Aulon: Jeanne! Are you all right?
Joan of Arc: Yes, I'm fine. Why are you staring at me?
Aulon: Because there's an arrow in your leg.
Joan of Arc: [Looks down at arrow] So there is.But that doesn't stop you from climbing!
[Motions him towards the wall]
Joan of Arc: Raymond! Take this arrow out of my leg.

Joan of Arc: I don't think. I leave that to God. I'm nothing in all this, I'm just the Messenger.

Joan of Arc: How dare you stop me from doing God's will?
Aulon: He didn't tell you to cut all your hair.
Joan of Arc: How dare you tell me what God tells me to do?
Aulon: Whatever, but since he's not going to come down and do it himself - I mean - at least let someone cut it properly!

Joan of Arc: This morning God gave us a great victory, but it is nothing compared to what he is ready to give us now. I know you are all tired and hungry, but I swear to you that even if these English were hanging from the clouds by their fingertips we would pull them down before nightfall. Now let all those who love me... follow me! Follow me!

Aulon: But how do you know that these voices aren't just really you?
Joan of Arc: They are me. That's how God speaks to me. Even you could hear them if you listened hard enough.

[At Joan's insistence, a letter is fired by arrow over the British walls]
Joan of Arc: [voice-over] This is the third and last time I will write to you... If you are still here at noon, I warn you that you will hear from me to your very great destruction. Please give me your answer speedily.
Redbeard: [yells from the tower] Go fuck yourseves!
Joan of Arc: What did he say?
Aulon: He said he'd think about it.

Pierre Cauchon: Joan, be careful, you're not helping yourself by refusing to submit to our judgment.
Joan of Arc: You, who claimed to be my judges, you'll be careful, for you too one day will be judged.

Joan of Arc: Give me an army, send me to Orleans, and I will show you the sign I was sent to make.

Joan of Arc: I don't think. I leave that to God. I'm just a Messenger in all of this.

Joan of Arc: [to Glassdale] Yield! Yield, to the King of Heaven! Or go back to your island.
English soldier: And you, go back to your pigsty!

Joan of Arc: It's not my body I want to save. It's my soul.

La Hire: I swear those Goddamned bloody English will pay for this.
Joan of Arc: They will. And so will you, if you don't stop swearing!

Joan of Arc: There's nothing to hear! And why is there nothing to hear? Because I haven't DONE anything! And why haven't I done anything? Because none of you, WILL LISTEN TO ME!

Joan of Arc: I've seen enough blood, but if you want more, I can't stop you. But I must warn you, that it will be your blood, and not ours.

Joan of Arc: France does not belong to you, Charles. She belongs to God.

Joan of Arc: [to Dunois] You have been with your counsel. I have been with mine.

Joan of Arc: I've always been faithful to God, and I've done everything He's ever asked me to do.

Joan of Arc: I need to speak to the captain of the English Army.
Dunois: To see the captain, we will have to cross the river.
Joan of Arc: Well, who gave the order for me to be brought to this side of the river?

Aulon: Is there anything you need?
Joan of Arc: Well, I'll need a sword, a shield, some armour in my size, a horse and an artist to paint me a banner.
Aulon: Now?
Joan of Arc: Better today than tomorrow.

Joan of Arc: May God forgive your blasphemy, because I never will!

Joan of Arc: I've always been faithful to God and I've followed everything He's ever said and I've done everything He's ever asked me to do.
The Conscience: God asked you to do something?
Joan of Arc: Yes. Yes, lots of things.
The Conscience: You mean God said, "I need you, Jeanne."
Joan of Arc: No. But He sent me signs.
The Conscience: Signs? What signs?
Joan of Arc: The wind. The wind. And the clouds, ringing!
The Conscience: Ringing clouds?
Joan of Arc: The dance. The dance. The dance. The dance.
The Conscience: The dance.
Joan of Arc: The sword! The sword lying in the field. That was a sign.
The Conscience: No. That was a sword in a field.
Joan of Arc: No. No, that was a sign!
The Conscience: No. That was a sword. In a field.
Joan of Arc: It can't just get there by itself! It can't. A sword just doesn't get there by itself. It can't just get there by itself.
The Conscience: True. Every event has an infinite number of causes, so why pick one rather than another? There are many ways a sword might find itself in a field.

Charles VII: [Bathing in a tub with his wife] We are grateful for your pas efforts, but now your task is done. Now is the time for negotiation.
Joan of Arc: Peace will only be got with the English by the end of a lance.
Charles VII: Why are you so bloodthirsty? Do you enjoy it?
Joan of Arc: No.
Charles VII: Diplomacy is far more civilized, far safer, and far cheaper.

The Conscience: Who are you to even think you can know the difference between good and evil? Are you God?
Joan of Arc: I am just the messenger. He needs me.

Joan of Arc: I did not come here to perform tricks. You're all much cleverer than I am. Me, I don't know A from B. But this much I do know. That while the people of France lie bleeding, you sit around in your fine clothes trying to deceive me, when you're only deceiving yourselves. You say you are men of God. Yet, you do not see His hand in having guided me through 500 leagues of enemy country to bring you His help. Is that not proof enough? Do you still need more signs?

La Hire: [praying] I swear that I will never swear again in my life, if you save her life. But I'm warning you, if you let her die, then you're the biggest...
Joan of Arc: Laxart! Don't swear.
La Hire: He heard me.

[repeated line]
Joan of Arc: Sooner is better than later.

Joan of Arc: Never look behind, only ahead.


The Trial of Joan of Arc (1962)
Jeanne d'Arc: My name is Joan. I'm 19.

Jeanne d'Arc: I'm sent by God and have no business here. Send me back to God from whom I came.

Bishop Cauchon: You must tell your judge the truth.
Jeanne d'Arc: Beware of calling yourself my judge.

Jeanne d'Arc: I heard it in church. There was light all around. There was always a light. The third time I recognized the voice of an angel. It told me to lift the siege at Orléans. First I was to go to Vaucouleurs. The voice told me what would happen.

Bishop Cauchon: Is it an angel's voice or is it directly from God?
Jeanne d'Arc: It's the voice of St. Catherine and St. Margaret. They wear beautiful crowns.
Bishop Cauchon: How do you know it's those two?
Jeanne d'Arc: They began to guide me seven years ago.

Bishop Cauchon: Which do you love more: your flag or your sword?
Jeanne d'Arc: My flag, 40 times over.
Bishop Cauchon: Who carried the flag?
Jeanne d'Arc: I did, so as to kill no one. I've never killed.

Jeanne d'Arc: I rely on God. The voice is soft and speaks the language of France.

Jeanne d'Arc: My capture must please Our Lord, so it's for the best. How could he mislead me when he comforts me every day?

Jeanne d'Arc: I'd rather give my soul to God than be in English hands.

Bishop Cauchon: Do your saints hate the English?
Jeanne d'Arc: They love what Our Lord loves and hate what he hates.
Bishop Cauchon: Does God hate the English?
Jeanne d'Arc: Whether he loves or hates them I don't know. I only know they'll be driven from France or die here.

Jeanne d'Arc: I place my trust in God and love him with all my heart. He is my judge and king of heaven and earth.

Jeanne d'Arc: I've done no wrong. I believe in the articles of faith and the ten commandments. I trust in the synod and pope and wish to believe what the church believes.

Jeanne d'Arc: In women's clothes, I was beaten and trampled. An English lord tried to rape me three times.

Jeanne d'Arc: I prefer death to shackles.

Jeanne d'Arc: I'd rather die than endure what I'm enduring.

Jeanne d'Arc: I wish to die, yes, but not by burning. My body is pure. It mustn't be reduced to ashes.

Jeanne d'Arc: Pray for me. I forgive the evil done me.

Jeanne d'Arc: My voices were from God. All I did, I did at God's command. My voices did not lie. My visions were from God.


The Passion of Joan of Arc (1928)
Juge: How old are you?
Jeanne d'Arc: [counts on her fingers] Nineteen... I think.

Juge: What is your name?
Jeanne d'Arc: In France, I am called Joan... in my village, I am called Jeanneton.

Jeanne d'Arc: Dear God, I accept my death gladly but do not let me suffer too long. Will I be with You tonight in Paradise?

Juge: Has God promised you things?
Jeanne d'Arc: That has nothing to do with this trial!

Jeanne d'Arc: You claim that I am sent by the Devil. It's not true. To make me suffer, the Devil has sent you... and you... and you... and you.

Jeanne d'Arc: I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth.

Jeanne d'Arc: To save France - it's why I was born.

Évêque Pierre Cauchon (Bishop Pierre Cauchon): So you think God hates the English?
Jeanne d'Arc: I don't know if God loves or hates the English; but I do know that the English will all be chased from France - except those that die here!

Évêque Pierre Cauchon (Bishop Pierre Cauchon): Why do you wear men's clothing? If we give you woman's clothing, would you wear it?
Jeanne d'Arc: When the mission that God has entrusted to me is over, I will again dress as a woman.

Jeanne d'Arc: I love and honor God... with al my heart.

Jeanne d'Arc: I have never wronged anyone.


Saint Joan (1957)
St.Joan of Arc: Shall I arise from the dead and come back to you, a living woman?
Warwick: Rome made you a saint, we had no hand in the business. Let Rome decide.
Cauchon: Stay where you are, woman. A dead saint is always safer for the Church than a living one...

St.Joan of Arc: O God who made this beautiful earth, when will it be ready to receive your saints? How long, o Lord? How long?

St.Joan of Arc: Be you a saint?
English Soldier: Yes, lady, straight from hell.
Dunois, Bastard of Orleans: A saint, and from hell!
English Soldier: Yes, noble captain, I have a day off. Every year, you know. That's my allowance for my one good action.
Cauchon: Wretch! In all the years of your life did you do only one good action?
English Soldier: I never thought about it: it came natural like. But they scored it up for me.
The Dauphin, Charles VII: What was it?
English Soldier: Why, the silliest thing you ever heard of. I...
St.Joan of Arc: He tied two sticks together, and gave them to a poor lass that was going to be burned.

St.Joan of Arc: [to Cauchon] But what happened to thee? Art thou dead or alive?
Cauchon: Dead. Dishonoured. They pursued me beyond the grave. They excommunicated my dead body; they dug it up and flung it into the sewer.

[about her voices]
St.Joan of Arc: They come from God.
Robert de Baudricourt: They come from your imagination.
St.Joan of Arc: Of course. That is how the messages of God come to us, through our imagination.

St.Joan of Arc: Are you the Bastard?
Dunois, Bastard of Orleans: Are you the Maid?

St.Joan of Arc: There's no help, no council in any of you. I thought I would have friends in the court of France, and I find only wolves fighting for pieces of her poor torn body. I believed that you, who now cast me out, would be like strong towers to keep harm from me. But I'm wiser now and nobody is any the worse for being wiser. Don't think you can frighten me by telling me that I'm alone. France is alone... and God is alone... and what is my loneliness before the loneliness of my country and my God?

St.Joan of Arc: It was easy to fight the Goddamns and still to love them. A blasphemy is a kind of prayer.


"Joan of Arc" (1999)
Joan D'Arc: Why are you punishing me for talking to God?

Joan D'Arc: Come out, that I might send you to hell!

Joan D'Arc: I will never outgrow simple decency.

Joan D'Arc: When did truth become heresy?

Joan D'Arc: You seem troubled, Captain.
La Hire: Yes, I'm troubled! Attacking Paris is madness! The walls are too high; our ladders may not even reach the top. And as for me, I'm paid to fight soldiers, not tradesmen.
Joan D'Arc: Are you still, after all, just a mercenary?
La Hire: Paris is neither an enemy nor a friend.
Joan D'Arc: Our Lord said, "He who is not with me, is against me."
La Hire: With Jesus... or with Joan?

Bishop Cauchon: [sees Joan dressed in men's clothing again] Oh, God, what have you done? What have you done?
Joan D'Arc: What I confessed, I confessed from fear... but every word was a lie. I retract my abjuration now & for all time.
Bishop Cauchon: You'll die through your own words!
Joan D'Arc: No, dear Bishop... I die through you.

Joan D'Arc: Bishop... the sign that I said I gave to the Dauphin? It, too, was a lie.
Bishop Cauchon: Why?
Joan D'Arc: You asked me to break a vow to God. I saved us both.


"Clone High: A Room of One's Clone: The Pie of the Storm (#1.9)" (2003)
Abe: So how's the conflict? Mediated? Hello?
[Short pause]
Abe: Dinger!
Cleopatra: Abe get down! DOWN! Joan went crazy after we divided to room. She's like a monkey in every way.
Abe: [Joan does a Tarzanesque swing from the top of the bed and starts throwing things at Cleo. ] I didn't expect that you two would divde the room horizontially.
Cleopatra: Bunkbeds Abe! Think! Ugh!
Cleopatra: [Cleo flings her false eyelashes at Joan and they stick in the wall beside Joan's head] YANKEE GO HOME!
Abe: I think what Cleo is trying to say is that she would be more respectful of Joan if she...
Joan of Arc: DIE DIXIE SLUT!
Abe: I think Joan brings a good arguement to the table.
[Joan and Cleo continue to throw things at each other]
Abe: That's it Joan in the north and Cleo in the south hear me when I say a bedroom divided cannot stand on its own.
Abe: [Joan and Cleo throw flaming containers at each other which mistakenly hit Abe in his face after which he plummets out the two storey window into Cleo's swimming pool. He gurgles] Storm's a brewin'.

Abe: How are my two favourite girls?
Joan of Arc: Abe remind me. Do you like Cleo because she's conceited or because she's a whore?
Abe: [laughs] Ho! Ho! Ho!
Cleopatra: And Abe remind me. Is Joan your best friend because of some elaborate joke or because of sympathy.
Abe: [laughs] Ho! Ho! Ho!

Marie Antoinette: [unenthused] Welcome to the Grassy Knoll. Try our new smoothie with pomagranate juice.
JFK: Can I try that with melons? And Coconuts?
Gandhi: Can I have some yams?
JFK: Hey get your own jokes. The booby bit is MINE!
JFK: Can I have some "cans" of milk.
Gandhi: Yeah and some "jugs" of cream.
JFK: Alright you just brought yourself a knuckle massage!
[Crowd begins to chant fight]
Abe: A fight? Guys? GUYS? My conflict mediation seminar taught us how to reslove conflict.
JFK: [JFK punches Gandhi in the chin] I've got your "berries" right here and by berries I mean my foot in your berries.
[Spits]
JFK: Pun thief.
Joan of Arc: I never thought hell could be this pink.
Cleopatra: [opens up a drawer in her jewelry box] You can put your stuff in here. If we're going to share a room I need you to sign this.
[produces a form]
Cleopatra: It's a non-disclosure agreement. It phrohibits you from discussing such things as my pre-morning make-up face and my mid-moring bowel movement.


"Clone High: Escape to Beer Mountain: A Rope of Sand (#1.1)" (2002)
Eleanor Roosevelt: [Eleanor Roosevelt has a rather mannish physique] It's time for the Presidential Fitness Test! Where we make you even more insecure about your body by judging you while you perform arbitrary physical tasks!
Abe: Can't believe we got Eleanor Roosevelt as our gym teacher.
Joan of Arc: Yeah he's great. Hey Abe, tonight I finally have a night off from the help hotline, which is community service, and I wanted to know if you wanted to carpool to JFK's party...
Joan of Arc: [Becoming apparent that Abe isn't listening] You know, to save gas...
Eleanor Roosevelt: [Interrupts and gets in Joan's face] You like talking, Of Arc? Well you can TALK your tight little buns on down to the Principal Scudworth's office!
Eleanor Roosevelt: [Joan leaves, Eleanor Roosevelt watching her] Slowwwwwly. Ohhhhhh yeah.

Abe Lincoln: Have you ever been so attracted to someone that you're afraid you'll blurt out something stupid?
Joan of Arc: I have a rash on my back.

Gandhi: Well, Abe just think that you're the biggest loser in the school.
Joan of Arc: [Everyone laughs at a mural of Gandhi that Van Goh has painted on the wall of the school depicting him in his birthday suit with a tree branch covering his erogenous zone] Thanks Van Goh.
Gandhi: I hate this school.


"Clone High: Sleep of Faith: La Rue D'Awakening (#1.5)" (2002)
Creepy Trucker: I was in my 18 wheeler late one night, at about the sleepy hour. When I come upon a cop car swerving around in the suicide lane. I could tell he was too sleepy to be driving right then and there. So I get up next to him try to guide him off the road with my rig. But I cut it a little too hard, sent that cop sailing right off a cliff. hahahahaha
Joan of Arc: Did you kill him?
Creepy Trucker: Kill him? I saved his life. Course he's a cripple now.

Joan of Arc: Next week, on a very special Clone High. A mysterious male stranger comes to town, and he's brought a surprise ending with him that would shock you. Will her secret - wait, did I just say HER? Boy that was the ONE thing I wasn't supposed to tell you! I ruin EVERYTHING! It's like the time I spoiled the Sixth Sense for my friend Steve he SPECIFICALLY told me NOT to reveal the ending. Stupid, REALLY STUPID... why do we do this LIVE?


Joan the Woman (1916)
Jeanne d'Arc: No sword once drawn for France - shall be thrown down!

Jeanne d'Arc: Englishman, there is room in each heart but for one love - mine is for France!


"Clone High: Film Fest: Tears of a Clone (#1.4)" (2002)
Announcer: Previously on a very special Clone High: Joan made a declaration...
Joan of Arc: Abe I want you.
Announcer: Abe found a new form of recreation. He's not gay or anything. Abe actually likes Cleo, a girl. That was just a hilarious plot twist. Hey, you miss an episode it's your funeral. I'm talking to you, Doug.

Joan of Arc: But, you don't know what you're doing!
Thomas Edison: Or do I?
Joan of Arc: No!
Thomas Edison: Or is it yes?
Joan of Arc: No!


Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical (2005) (TV)
Joan of Arc: [chorus] Listen to Jesus, Jimmy!
Jesus: [singing] Don't let reefer kick you keister!
Joan of Arc: [chorus] Listen to Jesus, Jimmy!
Jesus: [singing] I'm the Poster Boy for Easter!


"Clone High: Election Blu-Galoo (#1.2)" (2002)
Abe: You know what hurts the most, Joan? This nail I just stepped on. But there's a metaphorical nail in my other foot that hurts the second most, and it's from you backstabbing me. So maybe instead of the nail metaphor I should have used a stabbing metaphor, but I guess it's too late for that now, isn't it?
Joan of Arc: I guess it is.


"Mortified: Being Me (#1.12)" (2006)
[Taylor imagines Saint Joan of Ark in her room after having kicked out her parents and sister]
Saint Joan: Psst. Were they the English army?
Taylor Fry: No. Worse. My family. You thought you had problems.
Saint Joan: What's your name?
Taylor Fry: Taylor.
Saint Joan: Taylor who?
Taylor Fry: Taylor Fry.
Saint Joan: Taylor Fry?
Taylor Fry: I know. Sounds like a... fish dish?


"Clone High: A.D.D.: The Last 'D' Is for Disorder (#1.3)" (2002)
Cleopatra: And for a fundraiser I'm hosting an open-mouth kissing booth.
Joan of Arc: Oh, for herpes awareness?


"Clone High: Makeover, Makeover, Makeover: The Makeover Episode (#1.12)" (2003)
Abe Lincoln: Thank you, Joan. Wherever you are.
Joan of Arc: [right next to him] I'm right here.
Abe Lincoln: So you are, Joan. So you are.


"Clone High: Changes: The Big Prom: The Sex Romp: The Season Finale (#1.13)" (2003)
Abe Lincoln: I think I might be in love with Joan! Do you think there's a chance she returns my feelings?
Joan of Arc: [montage of various scenes of Joan *almost* telling Abe she loves him]
Abe Lincoln: What?
Gandhi: [slaps Abe]
Abe Lincoln: I see.