Phillip Niles Argyle
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Quotes for
Phillip Niles Argyle (Character)
from "South Park" (1997)

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South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999)
Terrence: You're such a pig-fucker, Phillip!
Phillip: Terrance, why would you call me a pig-fucker?
Terrence: Well, let's see. First of all, you fuck pigs.
Phillip: Oh yeah!

Terrence: Now, Phillip, did you learn something in all this?
Phillip: I did, Terrence. I learned that you're a boner-biting, dick-fart, fuck-face!
[they laugh]

Terrence: Well, Phillip, I hope you've learned something from this whole experience.
Phillip: I sure have, Terrance. I've learned that you are a boner-biting, dick-fart, fuck face.
Terrence: [they laugh] Wanna see the northern lights?
[strikes a match, farts, burns up]
Phillip: Ha ha ha. You burned yourself to death by lighting your fart. Ha ha ha.
Terrence: I sure did, Philip!

Sheila Broslofski: Gentlemen, do you have any last words?
Phillip: Last words? How's aboot: "Get me the fuck out of this chair!" How's that for last words?

Chorus: [singing] Shut your fucking face, Uncle Fucker. You're a boner biting bastard, Uncle Fucker.
Terrence: You're an uncle fucker, I must say.
Phillip: Well you fucked your uncle yesterday.
Terrance, Phillip: Uncle Fucker. That's U-N-C-L-E FUCK YOU! UNCLE FUCKAAAAHH...
Phillip: Suck my balls.

[During the Uncle Fucker song]
Phillip: Shut your fucking face, uncle fucker, you're a boner-biting-bastard, uncle fucker.

Terrance: Well, Phillip, I hope you've learned something from this whole experience.
Phillip: I sure have, Terrance. I've learned that you are a boner-biting, dick-fart, fuck face.
Terrance: [they laugh] Wanna see the northern lights?
[Strikes a match, farts, burns up]
Phillip: Ha ha ha. You burned yourself to death by lighting your fart. Ha ha ha.
Terrance: I sure did Philip!

Terrence: [singing] Looks like we may be out of luck.
Phillip: [singing] Tomorrow night, we're pretty fucked!

Phillip: This little scrotum sucker deceived us.

Phillip: Cheers, fuck-face.

Terrence: Well, fuck my ass and call me a bitch!
Phillip: Oh, you shitfaced cockmaster!
Cartman: Wow! 'Shitfaced cockmaster'.


"South Park: Freemium Isn't Free (#18.6)" (2014)
Minister of Mobile Gaming: And so in conclusion, the successful premium game is based on five principles: Entice the player with a simple game loop, use lots of flashing cashings and compliments to make the player feel good about themselves, train the players to spend your fake currency, offer the player a way to spend real currency for your fake currency...
Prince of Canada: So they'll forget they're spending money.
Minister of Mobile Gaming: ...and make the game about waiting. But let the player pay not to wait. It's a surefire way to make lots of money.
Phillip: We understand micropaying, but can't the game hidden inside the charade it - just at least be fun?
Minister of Mobile Gaming: No no! It has to be just barely fun. If the game were too fun, then there would be no reason to micropay in order to make it more fun.

Terrance: We've been talking it over and we really aren't comfortable with this Freemium thing.
Minister of Mobile Gaming: What is the matter?
Phillip: It seems dishonest and we have a brand to protect.
[Terrance farts on Phillip]
Prince of Canada: But just look at all the things we're getting to build! Soon, Canada will be as advanced and developed as Michigan!


"South Park: Canada on Strike (#12.4)" (2008)
[Terrance and Phillip want to go home from the protesting]
Stephen Abootman: Look, guy. We have to stay strong. If you don't stand with your fellow Canadians, then you are a rat!
Terrance: Don't call me a rat, buddy.
Stephen Abootman: I'm not your buddy, friend.
Phillip: He's not your friend, guy.
Stephen Abootman: I'm not your guy, buddy.
Terrance: He's not your buddy, friend.
Stephen Abootman: I'm not your friend, guy.


"South Park: Terrance and Phillip: Behind the Blow (#5.5)" (2001)
Eric Cartman: Look, if you don't come and do the show, I'll make you eat your parents.
Phillip: Yeh, whatever kid.
Stan Marsh: He'll do it dude.