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Quotes for
Deadpool (Character)
from Deadpool (2016)

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Marvel Heroes (2013) (VG)
Deadpool: You know this stuff just kills in Poughkeepsie!

Deadpool: [to Scarlet Witch] More like the Scarlett Bi... Hey, hey, hey, I didn't see you there.

Deadpool: Wow, I can't believe you guys got Jean-Luc Picard to be in your game.

Deadpool: So three mutants walk into a bar, right?

Deadpool: [after seeing M.O.D.O.K] Did you see the size of that dude's head? Ha ha ha ha!

Deadpool: Do I get a badge for this?

Deadpool: No XP? What a ripoff!

Deadpool: [to The Hulk] So greenie, can I get your cousin's number?

Deadpool: [to Human Torch] You know I can flame on if I just had some lighter fluid.

Deadpool: You want blend or puree?

Deadpool: [to Captain America] You're as American as Mom's apple pie and hand guns.

Deadpool: Pull my finger. No, not off!

Deadpool: [to Shocker] Shocker? I didn't even know her. Ha!

Deadpool: [to Iron Man] I'd sing some Black Sabbath right now, but the bin counter says we spent all our money on writers. What a waste.

Deadpool: Explosions attract the coveted 18 to 24 year old male demographic.

Deadpool: [regarding Hawkeye] Oh, oh, so they're letting Robin Hood in, but somehow the Avengers keep losing my phone number. What's up with that?

Deadpool: [to Ms. Marvel] Careful, Marvel Comics will sue you for trademark infringement.

Deadpool: [to Wolverine] Hey, Wolvie, any chance I can provoke you into some pointless bloodshed?

Deadpool: [finds an item & groans] You don't wanna know where I'm keeping this!

Deadpool: [to Ghost Rider] Oh man, I forgot to bring the marshmallows.

Deadpool: [to Gambit] You know, maybe I need an accent too. 'Allo, mon ami.

Deadpool: [to Venom] You look like something I horcked up last time I had swine flu.
Deadpool: All right, look at that. Crap, I got a little venom on you.

Deadpool: You have died of dysentery.

Deadpool: [to Nightcrawler] Phew! Smells like somebody just teleported a bean burrito.

Deadpool: [to Bullseye] Wanna use me for a dartboard?

Deadpool: [to Punisher] You're just me without the funny, and the lithium.

Deadpool: My cuisine reigns supreme.

Deadpool: [to Black Panther] Oh, yeah? Well, I'm the King of Deadpoolvania.

Deadpool: [to Doctor Strange] What, no top hat? What kind of magician are you?

Deadpool: [upon defeating a HYDRA agent] Hey, do you know my friend Bob?

Deadpool (2013) (VG)
Deadpool: Phew! That's what happens when you mix C4 with a bean burrito. Now be honest... I'm not the only one with a little bit of shit in their pants right now, am I?

Deadpool: If that hit you in the chest, I'm sorry. I was aiming for your crotch.

Deadpool: Hey, come back guys! We only want to kill you a little bit!

Deadpool: Bring the noise!

Deadpool: Being upside down is fun!

Deadpool: [imitating the Hulk] Deadpool smash!

Deadpool: Mashed Braintatoes!

Deadpool: What? He said no? That was our chance to be in our own video game!
White Bubble: Maybe we shouldn't have written the proposal in crayon.

Deadpool: See? Once again our explosive personality wins the day!
Yellow Bubble: High five!
White Bubble: No high fives. We're voices in our head.

Deadpool: Welcome to Loserville. Population: You.

Chance White: Meet my personal guard. He's bigger than you, badder than you, and his purpose is to eat little shits like you for breakfast!
Deadpool: He eats shit for breakfast?

Deadpool: You believe this? Cock-blocked twice in my own game!

Deadpool: Two extra slices for just 9.99!

Wolverine: What were you doing over there?
Deadpool: Just a little surprise for our player.
Wolverine: What? Whatever. We gotta move. We need everybody on this one if we're gonna stop Sinister. That means you, too.
Deadpool: Yeah, duh. It's *my* game!
Wolverine: Game? This is serious! Quit scratching your ass, bub, and get into the fight!
Deadpool: Ha ha, he said, "assbub."

Deadpool: [after killing two enemies in a bathroom stall] I can't think of any good dick jokes! Ah, what a wasted opportunity.

Deadpool: OH SHIT! He's throwing the Tubbies at me again! I LOVE THE TUBBIES!

Deadpool: [Addressing the player after dying] Ouch! Dipshit.

Deadpool: Hey, isn't that Gambit? What the heck is he doing here?
White Bubble: Trying to muscle in on our action. What a card!

Marvel: Ultimate Alliance (2006) (VG)
Deadpool: The day my father Odin banished me from Asgard, I was bitten by a vampire and had radioactive waste dumped into my eyes. To make matters worse, my mutant ability to control weather activated just as I was hit by a blast of gamma radiation. Nah, actually, I got this way by volunteering for the Weapon X program. They promised to cure my cancer. And they cured it all right, by giving me an outrageous healing factor. Then they labeled me psychotic and tossed me into a prison lab. So I escaped and became what some people might call a 'mercenary'. I prefer the title 'cleaner of the gene pool'. And I've made a lot of good friends along the way: like Arcade. He's always sending me to his amusement park.
Arcade: HELLO, Deadpool. Ready for a fun filled day in Murderworld?
Deadpool: Yup. I've got my sunscreen on and I've taken my motion sickness pills so bring on the rides!
Arcade: Oh, I don't think you understand. You're going to die here.
Deadpool: I know! Carnivals always slay me.
Arcade: No. You are going to physically die... as in stop breathing. You will cease to exist.
Deadpool: Riiiiiight... So do you have bumper cars here?
Arcade: Arrrgh!

Deadpool: I just wish we could have been friends.

Deadpool: [Leveling up] And now I'm better at doing whatever it is Wolverine does!

Deadpool: Black Widow, I've gotta know... Are those real?
Black Widow: I beg your pardon?
Deadpool: Ahh... Your teeth, they're just so darn shiny and straight.

Deadpool: [Leveling up] Did I win a new car, too?

Deadpool: Hey, did I enter the side show tent? 'Cause you look like the dog faced boy.
Dark Spider-Man: Oh, you are a wit, Deadpool... or at least half of one. Tell me, do the chicks go for your insane babble?
Deadpool: About as much as they go for your attempts at self-deprecating humor.
Dark Spider-Man: So then it doesn't work.

Deadpool: [Badly hurt] I need help! And a pony!

Deadpool: [after speaking with Nick Fury] Sir! Yes Sir! Stowing all stupid thoughts! Uh, is that vein on your forehead meant to be throbbing like that?

Deadpool: [after Black Widow has told him that he's going to face Dr. Doom] Wait, we're going to fight Dr. Doom? No one told me we were going to fight Doom! I want my lawyer! I want my mummy! I want my lawyer's mummy!

Deadpool: Whatever happens, remember to protect me.

Deadpool: A haiku, by Deadpool: I hate broccoli / And think it totally sucks / Why is it not meat?

Deadpool: I'm low on energy, but full of vitamin C!

Deadpool: I can't go that way, so stop shovin'!

Deadpool: [about Weasel] Oh, yeah, he's totally trustworthy! Except where money's involved. He would sell his granny's walking cane for a buck. In fact, I bought his granny's walking cane for a buck!

Deadpool: Weasel old buddy! Where have you been hiding out?
Weasel: In the hospital, you stabbed me in the leg remember?
Deadpool: Oh yeah, but I had to, you were trying to steal my last Cheesy Puff
Weasel: It was my bag of Cheesy Puffs!
Deadpool: That's not how I remember it.

Ancient One: Who would dare disturb my meditation?
Deadpool: Grampy, is that you? Wow, you got a lot older... and uglier too.
Ancient One: You buffoon. I am not your grandfather. I am the Ancient One, teacher of Dr. Strange.
Deadpool: Are you sure? You're really grouchy just like Grampy was.

Deadpool: Hi, Black Bolt. How are ya?
[Black Bolt says nothing]
Deadpool: Oh, that's right. You can't talk can you? Your voice is so powerful, it would destroy half of Atillan if you said anything at all.
[Black Bolt still says nothing]
Deadpool: But c'mon, let's put that to the test. Just say one tiny word: 'Spatula.'
[Black Bolt still says nothing]
Deadpool: Oh, don't be such a stick in the mud. Come on, repeat after me: 'Spatula.'

"Ultimate Spider-Man: Ultimate Deadpool (#2.16)" (2013)
Deadpool: Dang skippy. Where are my manners? Introductions. Call me Deadpool. It rhymes with "no school," "too cool,"ain't no fool," and "I'm the best at what I do - ool."

Deadpool: Well, moving on. I'm on a mission to finding the secret HQ of Taskmaster. The big boss for these cheese clowns. And nothin', but nothin', better get in my way.
Mini-Deadpool: What, like the dozen swords in your back?
Deadpool: [laughs] I don't have swords in my...
Mini-Deadpool: Yuck. Gonna go hurl now.
Deadpool: Huh, that's gonna leave a mark. Oh, wait. No it isn't. I have a healing factor. Yay me! 'Scuse me while I pull these pot stickers out of my spleen and knock some heads. Deadpool, out.

Deadpool: Ugh, anybody smell barbecue bug?
Spider-Man: It's been kind of a rough day.
Deadpool: Extremely ripe! Yeesh. Here. Strong enough for man, but made for a spider.

Deadpool: Ah, you're comedy gold my friend. Or as comedy oatmeal. As for me, you already know, I'm Deadpool. Superhero supreme with a side of bam. Nice to see you kept my color scheme when you copied my suit. Am I, like, your idol?
Spider-Man: I never heard of you. I designed this costume myself.
Deadpool: Sure. Black and white eyes. Red suit. Though you made it your own with the crossword theme. Oh, wait. Webs! Those are webs. No pouches though. You need pouches.

Deadpool: Word is that Fury left his S.H.I.E.L.D. tablet in a hotel bathroom. So you can see why he'd want to be discreet. Now, see I agreed to help even though Fury and me don't always see eye to eye. Now, do you get that? Eye to eye? Eye to eye! Hm, get it?
Spider-Man: Yeah, I do eye jokes too.

Spider-Man: You've got to be kidding me. You have your own private jet?
Deadpool: Yep. It was a present from one Tony Stark.
Spider-Man: He never gave me a jet. Seriously, from one super dude to another, what's your secret?
Deadpool: Origin story time!

Deadpool: Oh, shiny. What is that?
Spider-Man: You see my spidey-sense? It's this thing in my brain that warns me of danger.
Deadpool: I'll give you a thousand bucks for your brain.

Spider-Man: I'm starting to re-think this little field trip. Just tell me what your plan is.
Deadpool: We go into that compound, find Agent MacGuffin, snag the list, then un-alive Taskmaster and his acolytes, capiche?
Spider-Man: Wait, un-alive them?
Deadpool: Yeah, yeah here's the thing, I can't really say the k-word out loud. It's a weird mental tick. But we're gonna destroy them, make them disappear, sleep them with the fishes. We'll k-word them.
Spider-Man: K-word? You mean you want to kill them?
Deadpool: Whoa, yeah, that does sound bad when you say it out loud. And yes, we're going to un-alive them.
Spider-Man: We can't un-alive them. We can't un-alive anyone. Deadpool!

Taskmaster: Spider-Man. Nice of you to finally visit my school. Unfortunately I'm no longer accepting applicants.
Spider-Man: We've come for the list of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, Taskmaster. And for Agent MacGuffin.
Taskmaster: We who?
Spider-Man: Me and Dead... Deadpool!
Taskmaster: Deadpool is here? What?
Deadpool: Boogity-boo! Did you miss me?
Taskmaster: You. You're out of your mind to come here. I will destroy you.

Deadpool: Wait, let me guess. You're Aaron Applebaum. Aaron Astin. Aaron Atwater!
Spider-Man: Are you just going to keep yelling names from A to Z until you guess?
Deadpool: No. Barry Barrington!
Spider-Man: You're not well.
Deadpool: I know.

Taskmaster: Oh, Spider-Man. If you'd studied with me instead of Fury you might not be so naive. Who do think I stole the identity list from in the fist place?
Spider-Man: Agent MacGuffin?
Deadpool: Heh. Confession time. Yeah, it was me.
Spider-Man: You?
Deadpool: And there is no Agent MacGuffin. And also I stole the list from S.H.I.E.L.D., but Taskmaster swiped it from me when I left my pouches in the potty.
Spider-Man: What?
Deadpool: Dude, couldn't help it. I had Indian food. My legs went numb I was in there so long.

Deadpool: No, piranhas! They're so bitey. Oh that's so much funnier when it happens to someone else.
Spider-Man: Booby traps.
Deadpool: You said, "traps."

Deadpool: They should call you "elevator operator" 'cause you're bringing me down. Or "tonsils" 'cause you're a pain in the neck. Ba-boosh!
Spider-Man: Lame. Next you'll be telling me to "go soak my head."
Deadpool: Ah, what a swellegant idea. But it'll look a lot funnier in my imagination.
Spider-Man: What?
Deadpool: Spider-Man, go soak your head.

Deadpool: Have I told you my origin story?
Spider-Man: Like a billion times, now. How about telling me the truth?
Deadpool: You can't handle the truth.
Spider-Man: Really?

Hulk Vs. (2009) (V)
The Professor: Weapon X is indeed glad to have you back, Logan. We put considerable time and money into you.
Deadpool: And pointy things!

The Professor: You were our best operative, Wolverine. So disappointing. But you did lead us to Dr. Banner. Of course, you know him better as the Hulk.
Deadpool: [reveals gun and ammo] I shot him in the ass, with one of these!
[Everyone glares at him]
Deadpool: What? I did!

Bruce Banner: No!
Deadpool: Yes. As in, "Yes, you're going to die." BANG! Just kidding.

Deadpool: I can't believe it... I'm alive. I'm alive!
[the Hulk lands on top of him and leaps away]
Deadpool: [weakly] Ow...

Deadpool: [looking at the Professor] Well, he's alive, but I think he's going to need some serious TLC.
Sabretooth: The last thing the Professor said before the runt gutted him was for us to kill Wolverine.
Deadpool: Really? Hmm...
[to Omega Red]
Deadpool: You buy that? Yeah, you know, I would think the last thing he said was, "Ah, Sabretooth!"
Omega Red: We kill Wolverine now. That is all that matters.
Deadpool: Whatever you say, ponytail. Who am I to say no to a little murder?
[draws his guns]
Deadpool: [to Team X] Strike a pose!

Deadpool: What do you say after the mission, we kill all of those floating babies?
Omega Red: Do you ever shut up, Wilson?
Deadpool: What? Babies creep me out.
[cradles his rife]
Deadpool: [singalong] Rock-a-bye-BANG!

Deadpool: Logan, we missed you! And Weapon X just hasn't been the same without you. Nobody calls me "bub" anymore, and Omega Red's a bed wetter...
Omega Red: [entering] One day I will tear out your flippant tongue, Wilson.
Deadpool: [whispering to Wolverine] He's very ashamed.

Wolverine: [to the Professor] What do you want with the Hulk?
Deadpool: We just wanna help him find his happy place. Did you see how angry he was? I mean, I'm sorry, but come on. I think his pants are too tight...
[Omega Red's tentacle wraps around his neck and starts choking him]

Deadpool: [after being choked by Omega Red] Argh... so not cool... I hate that guy!
[walks towards Wolverine]
Deadpool: Wolverine, you look so sad. Hey, if it makes you feel any better, Lady Deathstrike tried to kill you when you were asleep.
Wolverine: Better than having to listen to you.
Deadpool: Man, does she hate you. I mean, we all hate you, but Deathstrike really, Really, REALLY hates you!
[takes out his gun]
Deadpool: Hey, still have that unbreakable skull?
[Points gun at Wolverine's head and fires. Screen turns black]
Deadpool: Oh... damn it!

Deadpool: Hey! Wait for me!
[Deadpool jumps on a rampaging Hulk]
Deadpool: Who wants snacks? YOU do!
[Deadpool forces a grenade down the Hulk's gullet and then jumps off, landing alongside Wolverine, and the two run down a straight hallway with the Hulk in pursuit]
Deadpool: Logan, I think we lost him!
[the grenade inside the Hulk explodes... ]
Deadpool: And they all lived happily ever after, except the Hulk!
Wolverine: Bub... you just made him angrier!
Hulk: Talking man hurt Hulk... HULK RIP OFF TALKING MAN'S HEAD!
Deadpool: My head? Oh, crap...!
Wolverine: He's all yours, Einstein!
[grabs Deadpool and throws him towards the Hulk]
Deadpool: Logan? We're friends! NO! NOOO!

[the Hulk and Wolverine are apprehended with knockout bullets]
Sabretooth: [to Wolverine] Thanks, runt. We've been trying to take him down for weeks.
Deadpool: Hey, Logan, it's me, Deadpool! I shot you...
[Wolverine falls unconscious]

Lady Deathstrike: GAIJIN!
Sabretooth: End of the line, runt! Got any last words?
Wolverine: Yeah... TWO!
[Wolverine charges]
Deadpool: [draws his katanas] Let's dance!

Deadpool: [falling on Wolverine] BANZAI!
[Wolverine slices Deadpool's arm off]
Deadpool: AAH! Ow! Oh... dude, that is just *not* cool!
[looks at the stump on his body, then his arm some meters away]
Deadpool: Wow! Look at that! Could you give me a hand?
Deadpool: Just kidding! All right... I'll go get it.
[runs to fix his arm back on]

Marvel vs. Capcom 3: Fate of Two Worlds (2011) (VG)
Deadpool: Magneto! Welcome to die!

Deadpool: I just beat Mag-Freakin-Neto! Where yo curly mustache at?

Deadpool: You see that? *That's* how you beat Wolverine, people.
[grabs the camera and starts shaking it]

Deadpool: I just beat Mag-freakin-neto! Where yo curleh mustache at?

Deadpool: Check me out. I'm the ghost of Christmas kick your ass!

Deadpool: [Deadpool grabs the camera and talks to the player] Hey! Yeah, you! I'm down here bustin' my ass while you sit on yours watching me jump around? How is that fair?

Deadpool: Shoryuken!

Deadpool: Yo' mama!

Deadpool: [facing Spider-Man] Gonna rough you up like a Broadway musical!

Deadpool: [after defeating Pheonix Wright] Justice has been served! No, I don't know how. Just roll with it, okay, people?

X-Men Legends II: Rise of Apocalypse (2005) (VG)
Deadpool: Welcome to Loserville. Population: You.

Deadpool: Everyone protect me!

Deadpool: Me? Yeah, I'm fine. I just have an uncontrollable urge to rip you to tiny shreds and then dance and spit all over your graves.

Deadpool: Wow, this is really, really freaky! I could swear I know you from somewhere. Did we go to law school together?
Deadpool: I know what you mean. I've seen you before, I just can't place your face. Weren't you in my oragami class last fall?
Deadpool: Wait! I know where I've seen your face. In my mirror... every morning!"
Deadpool: Heavens to murgatroide! That's it! You're me!
Deadpool: No no no no no no no, I beg to differ. You... are me!
Deadpool: Come on. let's not quibble over such a huge philosophical conundrum here. What do you say when you meet yourself?
Deadpool: How about 'you're lookin goooood!'
Deadpool: Works for me. Well, now I have to kill ya. Not that I want to, it's just a little something Mister Sinister ordered me to do.
Deadpool: Are you ok?
Deadpool: Me? I'm fine. I just have an uncontrollable urge to rip you into tiny shreds and spit on all of your graves.

Deadpool: I'm really good at killing. You might say it's my specialty. That and ballroom dancing. But guess which one I can actually make a living at.

Deadpool: Somebody test this guy for steriods!

Deadpool: [Upon defeating an enemy, pensievely] But did either of us truly win?

Deadpool: EVERYBODY! Shield me with your bodies!

Deadpool: [after defeating an enemy] Now gimme all your lunch money!

Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2 (2009) (VG)
Deadpool: Fusion's so cool, they should've put it in the game title.

Deadpool: I'm killing indiscriminately, and it's okay.

Deadpool: It had nothing to do with politics, I just don't like you!

Deadpool: Look, it's the Fusion game mechanic.

Deadpool: I refuse to say some clever quip because *you* set down the controller.

Nanite Nick Fury: [as he emerges in his nanite armor] Cute trick, but did you really think we wouldn't see this coming?
Deadpool: It's game over Fury and you're all out of continues. You're alone. You can't possibly...
Nanite Nick Fury: Oh, I'm not alone. You may have frozen The Fold, but you haven't eliminated it. And with these new Nanites, I can draw the entire collective's power. I won't need more of a fraction to kill you. Then I will shut down that annoying signal of yours for good. In another minute, it will be all so clear.

Deadpool: I'm not just the Merc with a Mouth, I'm the sensation with a registration.

Senator Lieber: Senator Lieber from New York State. Good to meet you. You've done us a great service. You heroes are OK in my book. Maybe we should put this registration business on hold.
Wolverine: No kidding, bub. You can't expect the X-Men to reveal their names to the...
Senator Lieber: Say no more, Canucklehead. Not everyone fears and hates mutants. Well, best of luck trying to catch that maniac. Like our state motto says, "Excelsior!"
Deadpool: Don't I know you from somewhere?
Senator Lieber: You don't look like the voting type.
Deadpool: Yeah, whatever. Hey guys, I'll take these pencil-pushers back to the Capitol. Give me a call if you want to hang out again.

Deadpool (2016)
[from leaked test footage]
Deadpool: There's no easy way to say this... I'm pregnant, Trevor!

Deadpool: [from leaked test footage]
Deadpool: [sees the title card for his own film] Oh, fuck me!

[from leaked test footage]
Deadpool: [singing to Hollaback Girl on the radio] I heard that you were talking shit / And you didn't think that I'd hear it / People hear you talking like that, getting everybody fired up... This my shit, this my shit / This shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S...

[from leaked test footage]
Deadpool: Oh, hello there! I bet you're wondering, why the red suit? Well, that's so bad guys can't see me bleed!
[spots a convoy of mercenaries]
Deadpool: Let's hope these guys are wearing their brown pants...

[from leaked test footage]
Deadpool: Crime's the disease, meet the cure. Okay, not the cure, but more like a topical ointment to reduce the swelling and itch. Hi, Tom!

Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions (2010) (VG)
Ultimate Deadpool: Oh, I just remembered, I have to... uh... floss.
Ultimate Spider Man: Ah, don't run away like a sniveling coward just because I was whipping your heinie.
Ultimate Deadpool: I'm not running away! I'm just going to find a dictionary so I can look up "sniveling"! Sniveling.
[Deadpool laughs]
Ultimate Deadpool: Heinie.

Ultimate Deadpool: Get in here boys, show Wally Webs here he can't twist my doorknobs!

Ultimate Deadpool: Listen, Webby, I can't have you swinging around in your footy pajamas, destroying my cameras. You're going to have to tangle with my ARMY! And by army, I mean production assistants, and by production assistants, I mean unpaid interns, and by unpaid interns I mean fans. You're going to have to tangle with my FANS!
Ultimate Spider Man: Lamest. Supervillain. Ever.

Deadpool: A Typical Tuesday (2012) (V)
Domino: I don't do charity.
Deadpool: I donate to the Red Cross; you're a bitch!

Deadpool: You don't mess... with "DP."

Slim Jim: You... don't know who I am?
Deadpool: I'm gonna go with "George Washington."
Slim Jim: We've known each other for... we just had a conversation, like, 15 minutes ago!... you REALLY don't...
Deadpool: Oh, no no no no! You're probably confused: a lot of people mix me up with Spider-man.
Slim Jim: Damnit! This is why no one likes you!

Lego Marvel Super Heroes (2013) (VG)
[the player has rescued Stan Lee]
Deadpool: Him again? He's in this game more than I am! Who does he think he is?