Deadpool
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Quotes for
Deadpool (Character)
from Deadpool (2016)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
Marvel Heroes (2013) (VG)
Deadpool: You know this stuff just kills in Poughkeepsie!

Deadpool: [to Scarlet Witch] More like the Scarlett Bi... Hey, hey, hey, I didn't see you there.

Deadpool: Wow, I can't believe you guys got Jean-Luc Picard to be in your game.

Deadpool: So three mutants walk into a bar, right?

Deadpool: [after seeing M.O.D.O.K] Did you see the size of that dude's head? Ha ha ha ha!

Deadpool: Do I get a badge for this?

Deadpool: No XP? What a ripoff!

Deadpool: [to The Hulk] So greenie, can I get your cousin's number?

Deadpool: [to Human Torch] You know I can flame on if I just had some lighter fluid.

Deadpool: You want blend or puree?

Deadpool: [to Captain America] You're as American as Mom's apple pie and hand guns.

Deadpool: Pull my finger. No, not off!

Deadpool: [to Shocker] Shocker? I didn't even know her. Ha!

Deadpool: [to Iron Man] I'd sing some Black Sabbath right now, but the bin counter says we spent all our money on writers. What a waste.

Deadpool: Explosions attract the coveted 18 to 24 year old male demographic.

Deadpool: [regarding Hawkeye] Oh, oh, so they're letting Robin Hood in, but somehow the Avengers keep losing my phone number. What's up with that?

Deadpool: [to Ms. Marvel] Careful, Marvel Comics will sue you for trademark infringement.

Deadpool: [to Wolverine] Hey, Wolvie, any chance I can provoke you into some pointless bloodshed?

Deadpool: [finds an item & groans] You don't wanna know where I'm keeping this!

Deadpool: [to Ghost Rider] Oh man, I forgot to bring the marshmallows.

Deadpool: [to Gambit] You know, maybe I need an accent too. 'Allo, mon ami.

Deadpool: [to Venom] You look like something I horcked up last time I had swine flu.
[hocks]
Deadpool: All right, look at that. Crap, I got a little venom on you.

Deadpool: You have died of dysentery.

Deadpool: [to Nightcrawler] Phew! Smells like somebody just teleported a bean burrito.

Deadpool: [to Bullseye] Wanna use me for a dartboard?

Deadpool: [to Punisher] You're just me without the funny, and the lithium.

Deadpool: My cuisine reigns supreme.

Deadpool: [to Black Panther] Oh, yeah? Well, I'm the King of Deadpoolvania.

Deadpool: [to Doctor Strange] What, no top hat? What kind of magician are you?

Deadpool: [upon defeating a HYDRA agent] Hey, do you know my friend Bob?


Deadpool (2013) (VG)
Deadpool: Phew! That's what happens when you mix C4 with a bean burrito. Now be honest... I'm not the only one with a little bit of shit in their pants right now, am I?

Deadpool: If that hit you in the chest, I'm sorry. I was aiming for your crotch.

Deadpool: Hey, come back guys! We only want to kill you a little bit!

Deadpool: Bring the noise!

Deadpool: Being upside down is fun!

Deadpool: [imitating the Hulk] Deadpool smash!

Deadpool: Mashed Braintatoes!

Deadpool: What? He said no? That was our chance to be in our own video game!
White Bubble: Maybe we shouldn't have written the proposal in crayon.

Deadpool: See? Once again our explosive personality wins the day!
Yellow Bubble: High five!
White Bubble: No high fives. We're voices in our head.

Deadpool: Welcome to Loserville. Population: You.

Chance White: Meet my personal guard. He's bigger than you, badder than you, and his purpose is to eat little shits like you for breakfast!
Deadpool: He eats shit for breakfast?

Deadpool: You believe this? Cock-blocked twice in my own game!

Deadpool: Two extra slices for just 9.99!

Wolverine: What were you doing over there?
Deadpool: Just a little surprise for our player.
Wolverine: What? Whatever. We gotta move. We need everybody on this one if we're gonna stop Sinister. That means you, too.
Deadpool: Yeah, duh. It's *my* game!
Wolverine: Game? This is serious! Quit scratching your ass, bub, and get into the fight!
Deadpool: Ha ha, he said, "assbub."

Deadpool: [after killing two enemies in a bathroom stall] I can't think of any good dick jokes! Ah, what a wasted opportunity.

Deadpool: OH SHIT! He's throwing the Tubbies at me again! I LOVE THE TUBBIES!

Deadpool: [Addressing the player after dying] Ouch! Dipshit.

Deadpool: Hey, isn't that Gambit? What the heck is he doing here?
White Bubble: Trying to muscle in on our action. What a card!


Marvel: Ultimate Alliance (2006) (VG)
Deadpool: The day my father Odin banished me from Asgard, I was bitten by a vampire and had radioactive waste dumped into my eyes. To make matters worse, my mutant ability to control weather activated just as I was hit by a blast of gamma radiation. Nah, actually, I got this way by volunteering for the Weapon X program. They promised to cure my cancer. And they cured it all right, by giving me an outrageous healing factor. Then they labeled me psychotic and tossed me into a prison lab. So I escaped and became what some people might call a 'mercenary'. I prefer the title 'cleaner of the gene pool'. And I've made a lot of good friends along the way: like Arcade. He's always sending me to his amusement park.
Arcade: HELLO, Deadpool. Ready for a fun filled day in Murderworld?
Deadpool: Yup. I've got my sunscreen on and I've taken my motion sickness pills so bring on the rides!
Arcade: Oh, I don't think you understand. You're going to die here.
Deadpool: I know! Carnivals always slay me.
Arcade: No. You are going to physically die... as in stop breathing. You will cease to exist.
Deadpool: Riiiiiight... So do you have bumper cars here?
Arcade: Arrrgh!

Deadpool: I just wish we could have been friends.

Deadpool: [Leveling up] And now I'm better at doing whatever it is Wolverine does!

Deadpool: Black Widow, I've gotta know... Are those real?
Black Widow: I beg your pardon?
Deadpool: Ahh... Your teeth, they're just so darn shiny and straight.

Deadpool: [Leveling up] Did I win a new car, too?

Deadpool: Hey, did I enter the side show tent? 'Cause you look like the dog faced boy.
Dark Spider-Man: Oh, you are a wit, Deadpool... or at least half of one. Tell me, do the chicks go for your insane babble?
Deadpool: About as much as they go for your attempts at self-deprecating humor.
Dark Spider-Man: So then it doesn't work.

Deadpool: [Badly hurt] I need help! And a pony!

Deadpool: [after speaking with Nick Fury] Sir! Yes Sir! Stowing all stupid thoughts! Uh, is that vein on your forehead meant to be throbbing like that?

Deadpool: [after Black Widow has told him that he's going to face Dr. Doom] Wait, we're going to fight Dr. Doom? No one told me we were going to fight Doom! I want my lawyer! I want my mummy! I want my lawyer's mummy!

Deadpool: Whatever happens, remember to protect me.

Deadpool: A haiku, by Deadpool: I hate broccoli / And think it totally sucks / Why is it not meat?

Deadpool: I'm low on energy, but full of vitamin C!

Deadpool: I can't go that way, so stop shovin'!

Deadpool: [about Weasel] Oh, yeah, he's totally trustworthy! Except where money's involved. He would sell his granny's walking cane for a buck. In fact, I bought his granny's walking cane for a buck!

Deadpool: Weasel old buddy! Where have you been hiding out?
Weasel: In the hospital, you stabbed me in the leg remember?
Deadpool: Oh yeah, but I had to, you were trying to steal my last Cheesy Puff
Weasel: It was my bag of Cheesy Puffs!
Deadpool: That's not how I remember it.

Ancient One: Who would dare disturb my meditation?
Deadpool: Grampy, is that you? Wow, you got a lot older... and uglier too.
Ancient One: You buffoon. I am not your grandfather. I am the Ancient One, teacher of Dr. Strange.
Deadpool: Are you sure? You're really grouchy just like Grampy was.

Deadpool: Hi, Black Bolt. How are ya?
[Black Bolt says nothing]
Deadpool: Oh, that's right. You can't talk can you? Your voice is so powerful, it would destroy half of Atillan if you said anything at all.
[Black Bolt still says nothing]
Deadpool: But c'mon, let's put that to the test. Just say one tiny word: 'Spatula.'
[Black Bolt still says nothing]
Deadpool: Oh, don't be such a stick in the mud. Come on, repeat after me: 'Spatula.'


"Ultimate Spider-Man: Ultimate Deadpool (#2.16)" (2013)
Deadpool: Dang skippy. Where are my manners? Introductions. Call me Deadpool. It rhymes with "no school," "too cool,"ain't no fool," and "I'm the best at what I do - ool."

Deadpool: Well, moving on. I'm on a mission to finding the secret HQ of Taskmaster. The big boss for these cheese clowns. And nothin', but nothin', better get in my way.
Mini-Deadpool: What, like the dozen swords in your back?
Deadpool: [laughs] I don't have swords in my...
Mini-Deadpool: Yuck. Gonna go hurl now.
Deadpool: Huh, that's gonna leave a mark. Oh, wait. No it isn't. I have a healing factor. Yay me! 'Scuse me while I pull these pot stickers out of my spleen and knock some heads. Deadpool, out.

Deadpool: Ugh, anybody smell barbecue bug?
Spider-Man: It's been kind of a rough day.
Deadpool: Extremely ripe! Yeesh. Here. Strong enough for man, but made for a spider.

Deadpool: Ah, you're comedy gold my friend. Or as comedy oatmeal. As for me, you already know, I'm Deadpool. Superhero supreme with a side of bam. Nice to see you kept my color scheme when you copied my suit. Am I, like, your idol?
Spider-Man: I never heard of you. I designed this costume myself.
Deadpool: Sure. Black and white eyes. Red suit. Though you made it your own with the crossword theme. Oh, wait. Webs! Those are webs. No pouches though. You need pouches.

Deadpool: Word is that Fury left his S.H.I.E.L.D. tablet in a hotel bathroom. So you can see why he'd want to be discreet. Now, see I agreed to help even though Fury and me don't always see eye to eye. Now, do you get that? Eye to eye? Eye to eye! Hm, get it?
Spider-Man: Yeah, I do eye jokes too.

Spider-Man: You've got to be kidding me. You have your own private jet?
Deadpool: Yep. It was a present from one Tony Stark.
Spider-Man: He never gave me a jet. Seriously, from one super dude to another, what's your secret?
Deadpool: Origin story time!

Deadpool: Oh, shiny. What is that?
Spider-Man: You see my spidey-sense? It's this thing in my brain that warns me of danger.
Deadpool: I'll give you a thousand bucks for your brain.

Spider-Man: I'm starting to re-think this little field trip. Just tell me what your plan is.
Deadpool: We go into that compound, find Agent MacGuffin, snag the list, then un-alive Taskmaster and his acolytes, capiche?
Spider-Man: Wait, un-alive them?
Deadpool: Yeah, yeah here's the thing, I can't really say the k-word out loud. It's a weird mental tick. But we're gonna destroy them, make them disappear, sleep them with the fishes. We'll k-word them.
Spider-Man: K-word? You mean you want to kill them?
Deadpool: Whoa, yeah, that does sound bad when you say it out loud. And yes, we're going to un-alive them.
Spider-Man: We can't un-alive them. We can't un-alive anyone. Deadpool!

Taskmaster: Spider-Man. Nice of you to finally visit my school. Unfortunately I'm no longer accepting applicants.
Spider-Man: We've come for the list of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, Taskmaster. And for Agent MacGuffin.
Taskmaster: We who?
Spider-Man: Me and Dead... Deadpool!
Taskmaster: Deadpool is here? What?
Deadpool: Boogity-boo! Did you miss me?
Taskmaster: You. You're out of your mind to come here. I will destroy you.

Deadpool: Wait, let me guess. You're Aaron Applebaum. Aaron Astin. Aaron Atwater!
Spider-Man: Are you just going to keep yelling names from A to Z until you guess?
Deadpool: No. Barry Barrington!
Spider-Man: You're not well.
Deadpool: I know.

Taskmaster: Oh, Spider-Man. If you'd studied with me instead of Fury you might not be so naive. Who do think I stole the identity list from in the fist place?
Spider-Man: Agent MacGuffin?
Deadpool: Heh. Confession time. Yeah, it was me.
Spider-Man: You?
Deadpool: And there is no Agent MacGuffin. And also I stole the list from S.H.I.E.L.D., but Taskmaster swiped it from me when I left my pouches in the potty.
Spider-Man: What?
Deadpool: Dude, couldn't help it. I had Indian food. My legs went numb I was in there so long.

Deadpool: No, piranhas! They're so bitey. Oh that's so much funnier when it happens to someone else.
Spider-Man: Booby traps.
Deadpool: You said, "traps."

Deadpool: They should call you "elevator operator" 'cause you're bringing me down. Or "tonsils" 'cause you're a pain in the neck. Ba-boosh!
Spider-Man: Lame. Next you'll be telling me to "go soak my head."
Deadpool: Ah, what a swellegant idea. But it'll look a lot funnier in my imagination.
Spider-Man: What?
Deadpool: Spider-Man, go soak your head.

Deadpool: Have I told you my origin story?
Spider-Man: Like a billion times, now. How about telling me the truth?
Deadpool: You can't handle the truth.
Spider-Man: Really?


Hulk Vs. (2009) (V)
The Professor: Weapon X is indeed glad to have you back, Logan. We put considerable time and money into you.
Deadpool: And pointy things!

The Professor: You were our best operative, Wolverine. So disappointing. But you did lead us to Dr. Banner. Of course, you know him better as the Hulk.
Deadpool: [reveals gun and ammo] I shot him in the ass, with one of these!
[Everyone glares at him]
Deadpool: What? I did!

Bruce Banner: No!
Deadpool: Yes. As in, "Yes, you're going to die." BANG! Just kidding.

Deadpool: I can't believe it... I'm alive. I'm alive!
[the Hulk lands on top of him and leaps away]
Deadpool: [weakly] Ow...

Deadpool: [looking at the Professor] Well, he's alive, but I think he's going to need some serious TLC.
Sabretooth: The last thing the Professor said before the runt gutted him was for us to kill Wolverine.
Deadpool: Really? Hmm...
[to Omega Red]
Deadpool: You buy that? Yeah, you know, I would think the last thing he said was, "Ah, Sabretooth!"
Omega Red: We kill Wolverine now. That is all that matters.
Deadpool: Whatever you say, ponytail. Who am I to say no to a little murder?
[draws his guns]
Deadpool: [to Team X] Strike a pose!

Deadpool: What do you say after the mission, we kill all of those floating babies?
Omega Red: Do you ever shut up, Wilson?
Deadpool: What? Babies creep me out.
[cradles his rife]
Deadpool: [singalong] Rock-a-bye-BANG!
[chortles]

Deadpool: Logan, we missed you! And Weapon X just hasn't been the same without you. Nobody calls me "bub" anymore, and Omega Red's a bed wetter...
Omega Red: [entering] One day I will tear out your flippant tongue, Wilson.
Deadpool: [whispering to Wolverine] He's very ashamed.

Wolverine: [to the Professor] What do you want with the Hulk?
Deadpool: We just wanna help him find his happy place. Did you see how angry he was? I mean, I'm sorry, but come on. I think his pants are too tight...
[Omega Red's tentacle wraps around his neck and starts choking him]

Deadpool: [after being choked by Omega Red] Argh... so not cool... I hate that guy!
[walks towards Wolverine]
Deadpool: Wolverine, you look so sad. Hey, if it makes you feel any better, Lady Deathstrike tried to kill you when you were asleep.
Wolverine: Better than having to listen to you.
Deadpool: Man, does she hate you. I mean, we all hate you, but Deathstrike really, Really, REALLY hates you!
[takes out his gun]
Deadpool: Hey, still have that unbreakable skull?
[Points gun at Wolverine's head and fires. Screen turns black]
Deadpool: Oh... damn it!

Deadpool: Hey! Wait for me!
[Deadpool jumps on a rampaging Hulk]
Deadpool: Who wants snacks? YOU do!
[Deadpool forces a grenade down the Hulk's gullet and then jumps off, landing alongside Wolverine, and the two run down a straight hallway with the Hulk in pursuit]
Deadpool: Logan, I think we lost him!
[the grenade inside the Hulk explodes... ]
Deadpool: And they all lived happily ever after, except the Hulk!
Wolverine: Bub... you just made him angrier!
Hulk: Talking man hurt Hulk... HULK RIP OFF TALKING MAN'S HEAD!
Deadpool: My head? Oh, crap...!
Wolverine: He's all yours, Einstein!
[grabs Deadpool and throws him towards the Hulk]
Deadpool: Logan? We're friends! NO! NOOO!

[the Hulk and Wolverine are apprehended with knockout bullets]
Sabretooth: [to Wolverine] Thanks, runt. We've been trying to take him down for weeks.
Deadpool: Hey, Logan, it's me, Deadpool! I shot you...
[Wolverine falls unconscious]

Lady Deathstrike: GAIJIN!
Sabretooth: End of the line, runt! Got any last words?
Wolverine: Yeah... TWO!
[Wolverine charges]
Deadpool: [draws his katanas] Let's dance!

Deadpool: [falling on Wolverine] BANZAI!
[Wolverine slices Deadpool's arm off]
Deadpool: AAH! Ow! Oh... dude, that is just *not* cool!
[looks at the stump on his body, then his arm some meters away]
Deadpool: Wow! Look at that! Could you give me a hand?
[giggles]
Deadpool: Just kidding! All right... I'll go get it.
[runs to fix his arm back on]


Marvel vs. Capcom 3: Fate of Two Worlds (2011) (VG)
Deadpool: Magneto! Welcome to die!

Deadpool: I just beat Mag-Freakin-Neto! Where yo curly mustache at?

Deadpool: You see that? *That's* how you beat Wolverine, people.
[grabs the camera and starts shaking it]
Deadpool: AND YOU DON'T EVEN NEED OPTIC BLAST!

Deadpool: I just beat Mag-freakin-neto! Where yo curleh mustache at?

Deadpool: Check me out. I'm the ghost of Christmas kick your ass!

Deadpool: [Deadpool grabs the camera and talks to the player] Hey! Yeah, you! I'm down here bustin' my ass while you sit on yours watching me jump around? How is that fair?

Deadpool: Shoryuken!

Deadpool: Yo' mama!

Deadpool: [facing Spider-Man] Gonna rough you up like a Broadway musical!

Deadpool: [after defeating Pheonix Wright] Justice has been served! No, I don't know how. Just roll with it, okay, people?


X-Men Legends II: Rise of Apocalypse (2005) (VG)
Deadpool: Welcome to Loserville. Population: You.

Deadpool: Everyone protect me!

Deadpool: Me? Yeah, I'm fine. I just have an uncontrollable urge to rip you to tiny shreds and then dance and spit all over your graves.

Deadpool: Wow, this is really, really freaky! I could swear I know you from somewhere. Did we go to law school together?
Deadpool: I know what you mean. I've seen you before, I just can't place your face. Weren't you in my oragami class last fall?
Deadpool: Wait! I know where I've seen your face. In my mirror... every morning!"
Deadpool: Heavens to murgatroide! That's it! You're me!
Deadpool: No no no no no no no, I beg to differ. You... are me!
Deadpool: Come on. let's not quibble over such a huge philosophical conundrum here. What do you say when you meet yourself?
Deadpool: How about 'you're lookin goooood!'
Deadpool: Works for me. Well, now I have to kill ya. Not that I want to, it's just a little something Mister Sinister ordered me to do.
Deadpool: Are you ok?
Deadpool: Me? I'm fine. I just have an uncontrollable urge to rip you into tiny shreds and spit on all of your graves.

Deadpool: I'm really good at killing. You might say it's my specialty. That and ballroom dancing. But guess which one I can actually make a living at.

Deadpool: Somebody test this guy for steriods!

Deadpool: [Upon defeating an enemy, pensievely] But did either of us truly win?

Deadpool: EVERYBODY! Shield me with your bodies!

Deadpool: [after defeating an enemy] Now gimme all your lunch money!


Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2 (2009) (VG)
Deadpool: Fusion's so cool, they should've put it in the game title.

Deadpool: I'm killing indiscriminately, and it's okay.

Deadpool: It had nothing to do with politics, I just don't like you!

Deadpool: Look, it's the Fusion game mechanic.

Deadpool: I refuse to say some clever quip because *you* set down the controller.

Nanite Nick Fury: [as he emerges in his nanite armor] Cute trick, but did you really think we wouldn't see this coming?
Deadpool: It's game over Fury and you're all out of continues. You're alone. You can't possibly...
Nanite Nick Fury: Oh, I'm not alone. You may have frozen The Fold, but you haven't eliminated it. And with these new Nanites, I can draw the entire collective's power. I won't need more of a fraction to kill you. Then I will shut down that annoying signal of yours for good. In another minute, it will be all so clear.

Deadpool: I'm not just the Merc with a Mouth, I'm the sensation with a registration.

Senator Lieber: Senator Lieber from New York State. Good to meet you. You've done us a great service. You heroes are OK in my book. Maybe we should put this registration business on hold.
Wolverine: No kidding, bub. You can't expect the X-Men to reveal their names to the...
Senator Lieber: Say no more, Canucklehead. Not everyone fears and hates mutants. Well, best of luck trying to catch that maniac. Like our state motto says, "Excelsior!"
Deadpool: Don't I know you from somewhere?
Senator Lieber: You don't look like the voting type.
Deadpool: Yeah, whatever. Hey guys, I'll take these pencil-pushers back to the Capitol. Give me a call if you want to hang out again.


Deadpool (2016)
[from leaked test footage]
Deadpool: There's no easy way to say this... I'm pregnant, Trevor!

Deadpool: [from leaked test footage]
Deadpool: [sees the title card for his own film] Oh, fuck me!

[from leaked test footage]
Deadpool: [singing to Hollaback Girl on the radio] I heard that you were talking shit / And you didn't think that I'd hear it / People hear you talking like that, getting everybody fired up... This my shit, this my shit / This shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S...

[from leaked test footage]
Deadpool: Oh, hello there! I bet you're wondering, why the red suit? Well, that's so bad guys can't see me bleed!
[spots a convoy of mercenaries]
Deadpool: Let's hope these guys are wearing their brown pants...

[from leaked test footage]
Deadpool: Crime's the disease, meet the cure. Okay, not the cure, but more like a topical ointment to reduce the swelling and itch. Hi, Tom!


Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions (2010) (VG)
Ultimate Deadpool: Oh, I just remembered, I have to... uh... floss.
Ultimate Spider Man: Ah, don't run away like a sniveling coward just because I was whipping your heinie.
Ultimate Deadpool: I'm not running away! I'm just going to find a dictionary so I can look up "sniveling"! Sniveling.
[Deadpool laughs]
Ultimate Deadpool: Heinie.

Ultimate Deadpool: Get in here boys, show Wally Webs here he can't twist my doorknobs!

Ultimate Deadpool: Listen, Webby, I can't have you swinging around in your footy pajamas, destroying my cameras. You're going to have to tangle with my ARMY! And by army, I mean production assistants, and by production assistants, I mean unpaid interns, and by unpaid interns I mean fans. You're going to have to tangle with my FANS!
Ultimate Spider Man: Lamest. Supervillain. Ever.


Deadpool: A Typical Tuesday (2012) (V)
Domino: I don't do charity.
Deadpool: I donate to the Red Cross; you're a bitch!

Deadpool: You don't mess... with "DP."

Slim Jim: You... don't know who I am?
Deadpool: I'm gonna go with "George Washington."
Slim Jim: We've known each other for... we just had a conversation, like, 15 minutes ago!... you REALLY don't...
Deadpool: Oh, no no no no! You're probably confused: a lot of people mix me up with Spider-man.
Slim Jim: Damnit! This is why no one likes you!


Lego Marvel Super Heroes (2013) (VG)
[the player has rescued Stan Lee]
Deadpool: Him again? He's in this game more than I am! Who does he think he is?