Sweeney Todd
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Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)
[from trailer]
Sweeney Todd: I can guarantee the closest shave you'll ever know.

Sweeney Todd: [holding up one of his razors] At last! My arm is complete again!

[singing]
Sweeney Todd: Alright! You, sir? How about a shave? Come and visit your good friend Sweeney! You sir! Too, sir. Welcome to the grave... I will have vengeance. I will have salvation... Who, sir? You sir!No one's in the chair. Come on, come on! Sweeney's waiting. I want you bleeders. You sir? Anybody? Gentlemen, now don't be shy. Not one man... No, nor ten men... Nor a hundred can assuage me. I will have you! And I will get him back even as he gloats; In the meantime I'll practice on less honorable throats... And my Lucy lies in ashes, and I'll never see my girl again. But the work waits! I'm alive at last, and I'm full of joy!

Sweeney Todd: Noooooo! Would no one have mercy on her?
Mrs. Lovett: So it's you. Benjamin Barker
Sweeney Todd: Where's Lucy? Where's my wife?
Mrs. Lovett: She poisoned herself, arsenic from the apothecary round the corner, I tried to stop her, but she wouldn't listen to me, and he's got your daughter.
Sweeney Todd: He? Judge Turpin?
Mrs. Lovett: [nods] Adopted her like his own.
Sweeney Todd: 15 years sweating, and living hell, for a false charge. 15 years dreaming I might come home to a wife and child.
Mrs. Lovett: Well, I can't say the years have been particularly kind to you, Mr. Barker.
Sweeney Todd: No, not Barker. That man is dead. It's Todd now. Sweeney Todd... and he will have his revenge.

Sweeney Todd: [sung] They all deserve to die. Tell you why, Mrs. Lovett, tell you why! Because in all of the whole human race, Mrs. Lovett, there are two kinds of men and only two. There's the one staying put in his proper place and one with his foot in the other one's face. Look at me, Mrs Lovett! Look at you! No, we all deserve to die... Even you, Mrs Lovett, even I! Because the lives of the wicked should be made brief. For the rest of us death will be a relief. We all deserve to die... And I'll never see Johanna, no I'll never hug my girl to me... FINISHED!

Sweeney Todd: [sung to his razor] You there, my friend... /Come, let me hold you...
Mrs. Lovett: [sung] I'm your friend too, Mr. Todd... /If you only knew, Mr Todd...
Sweeney Todd: Now, with a sigh / You grow warm in my hand.
Mrs. Lovett: [unison] Ooh, Mr. Todd, / You're warm in my hand.
Sweeney Todd: My friend.
Mrs. Lovett: [unison] You've come home.
Sweeney Todd: My clever friend.
Mrs. Lovett: [unison] Always had a fondness for you, I did.

Mrs. Lovett: Mr. T, you didn't!
[looks into the chest, sees Pirelli's dead body and gasps. Shuts it]
Mrs. Lovett: You're barking mad! Killing a man what done ya no harm!
Sweeney Todd: [polishing his razor] He recognized me from the old days. Tried to blackmail me. Half me earnings.
Mrs. Lovett: [relieved] Oh, well that's a different matter then. For a moment there I thought you lost your marbles.
[opens the chest again and stares]
Mrs. Lovett: Ugh! All that blood. Poor bugger. Oh well!
[looks through Pirelli's jacket before removing his money pouch and examining its contents]
Mrs. Lovett: Well, waste not, want not!
[tucks it into her bodice]

[from trailer]
Anthony Hope: [comes rushing in looking for Sweeney only to see Mrs.Lovett] Oh, I'm sorry. Excuse me...
Mrs. Lovett: Mrs.Lovett, son.
Anthony Hope: A pleasure, ma'am.
[he finally see's Sweeney]
Anthony Hope: [really quickly] Mr.Todd, there's a girl who needs my help. Such a sad girl, and lonely but beautiful to and...
Sweeney Todd: [he leads Antony to a chair] Slow down, son.
Anthony Hope: [sits down] Yes, I'm sorry. This girl has a guardian who keeps her locked away, but then this morning she dropped this
[holds up a key]
Anthony Hope: surely a sign that Johanna wants me to help her. That's her name, Johanna, and Turpin is her guardian. He's a judge of some sort. Once he goes to court, I'm going to skip into the house, release her, and beg her to come away with me tonight!
Mrs. Lovett: Oh, this is very romantic.
Anthony Hope: [he turns to Mrs.Lovett] Yes.
[he turns back to Todd]
Anthony Hope: But I don't know anyone in London, you see, and I need somewhere safe to bring her until I've hired a coach to take us away. If I could keep her just for an hour or two, I'd be forever in your debt.
Mrs. Lovett: Bring her 'ere, love.
Anthony Hope: [to Mrs.Lovett] Thank you, ma'am.
Anthony Hope: [to Todd]
Anthony Hope: Mr.Todd...?
Sweeney Todd: [Sweeney can only nod in agreement]

Sweeney Todd: [to Mrs. Lovett while looking at his razor] The Judge! When will we get to him?

[Judge Turpin leaves from the barbershop thanks to Anthony's blundering]
Sweeney Todd: [quietly] Out.
Anthony Hope: Mr. Todd... you have to help me!
Sweeney Todd: [louder] Out.
Anthony Hope: [persistent] Mr. Todd, please, I...
Sweeney Todd: [roars] *Out*!
[Anthony runs out, and Mrs. Lovett hurries in]
Mrs. Lovett: [arriving] All this running and shouting, wot's going on?
Sweeney Todd: [sings] I had him! His throat was bare, beneath my hand!
Mrs. Lovett: There, there, dear, calm down...
Sweeney Todd: No! I had him! His throat was there, and now he'll never come again!
Mrs. Lovett: [sings to calm him] Easy now. Hush, love, hush. / I keep telling you,
Sweeney Todd: *When*?
Mrs. Lovett: What's your rush?
Sweeney Todd: Why did I wait? / You told me to wait! / Now he'll never come again!
[he goes toward the window and looks at it]
Sweeney Todd: There's a hole in the world like a great black pit, / And it's filled with people who are filled with shit, / And the vermin of the world inhabit it, / But not for loooong!

Anthony Hope: Is everything alright, Mister Todd?
Sweeney Todd: I beg your indulgence, Anthony. My mind is far from easy. In these once familiar streets I feel shadows... everywhere...
Anthony Hope: Shadows?
Sweeney Todd: ...Ghosts.

Sweeney Todd: And who may it be said is your intended, sir?
Judge Turpin: My ward... and pretty as a rosebud.
Sweeney Todd: Pretty as her mother?
Judge Turpin: [confused] Wha... what was that?
Sweeney Todd: Nothing, sir. Nothing. May we proceed?

Sweeney Todd: And I will get him back even as he gloats in the mean time I'll practice on less honorable throats, and my Lucy lies in ashes and I'll never see my girl again!

Signor Adolfo Pirelli: Mr.Todd?
Sweeney Todd: Signor Pirelli.
Signor Adolfo Pirelli: [reverting to a Cockney accent] Call me Davy. Davy Collins is the name when it isn't professional.

Sweeney Todd: The history of the world, my pet...
Mrs. Lovett: Oh, Mr. Todd! Ooh, Mr. Todd! Leave it to me!
Sweeney Todd: Is learn forgiveness and try to forget!
Mrs. Lovett: By the sea, Mr. Todd we'll be comfy-cozy / By the sea, Mr. Todd, where there's no one nosy!
Sweeney Todd: And life is for the alive, my dear / So let's keep living it.
Sweeney Todd, Mrs. Lovett: Just keep living it! Really living it - !
Sweeney Todd: [Throws Mrs. Lovett into the oven]

Judge Turpin: How seldom it is one meets a fellow spirit.
Sweeney Todd: With fellow tastes... in women at least.
Judge Turpin: [unsettled] What's that?
Sweeney Todd: The years, no doubt, have changed me, sir. But then I suppose the face of a barber, the face of a prisoner in the dock, is not particularly memorable.
Judge Turpin: [with immense shock] Benjamin... Barker...
Sweeney Todd: [shouts] Benjamin Barker!

Mrs. Lovett: Barker, his name was. Benjamin Barker.
Sweeney Todd: What was his crime?
Mrs. Lovett: Foolishness.

Sweeney Todd: You have a room over the shop, don't you? If times are so hard, why don't you rent it out?
Mrs. Lovett: People think it's haunted.
Sweeney Todd: Haunted?
Mrs. Lovett: Yeah. And who's to say they're wrong? You see, years ago, something happened up there. Something not very nice.

Mrs. Lovett: [placing a small pie on the counter] Here we are. Hot out of the oven.
Sweeney Todd: What is THAT?
Mrs. Lovett: [sings] It's priest. Have a little priest...
Sweeney Todd: [sings] Is it really good?
Mrs. Lovett: [sings] Sir, it's too good, at least. Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh... so it's pretty fresh.

Sweeney Todd: [singing about razors] These are my friends. / See how they glisten. / See this one shine, / How he smiles in the light. / My friend, my faithful friend. / Speak to me, friend. / Whisper, I'll listen. / I know, I know- / You've been locked out of sight all these years- / Like me, my friend. / Well, I've come home / To find you waiting. / Home, and we're together, / And we'll do wonders, won't we?

Signor Adolfo Pirelli: [singing] I am Adolfo Pirelli, da king of da barbers, da barber of kings, e buon giorno, good day. I blow you a kiss! And I, the so famous Pirelli, I wish-a to know who has-a da nerve-a to say my Elixir is piss! Who says this?
Sweeney Todd: I do. I'm Mr. Sweeney Todd from Fleet Street. I have opened a bottle of Pirelli's Elixir and I say to you, it is nothing but an errant fraud, concocted from piss and ink. And furthermore, "Signor", I have serviced no kings, yet I wager that I can shave a cheek with ten times more dexterity than any street mountebank.

Sweeney Todd: [singing] For what's the sound of the world out there?
Mrs. Lovett: What, Mr. Todd? What, Mr. Todd? What is that sound?
Sweeney Todd: Those crunching noises pervading the air!
Mrs. Lovett: Yes, Mr. Todd! Yes, Mr. Todd! It's all around!
Sweeney Todd: It's man devouring man, my dear!
Sweeney Todd, Mrs. Lovett: And/Then who are we to deny it in here?

Sweeney Todd: What may I do for you today, sir? A stylish trimming of the hair? A soothing skin massage? Sit, sir, sit.
Judge Turpin: [singing] You see, sir, a man infatuate with love, her ardent and eager slave. So fetch the pomade and pumice stone and lend me a more seductive tone, a sprinkling perhaps of French cologne, but first, sir, I think... a shave.
Sweeney Todd: The closest I ever gave.

Sweeney Todd: [singing] Have charity towards the world, my pet.
Mrs. Lovett: Yes, yes, I know, my love.
Sweeney Todd: We'll take the customers that we can get.
Mrs. Lovett: High-born and low, my love.
Sweeney Todd: We'll not discriminate great from small. / No, we'll serve anyone...
Sweeney Todd, Mrs. Lovett: Meaning/We'll serve anyone, / And to anyone at all!

Sweeney Todd: [with a smile] These are desperate times, Mrs. Lovett and desperate measures are called for...

Mrs. Lovett: [singing] With the price of meat, wot it is, when you get it, if you get it.
Sweeney Todd: [suddenly understands] Ah!
Mrs. Lovett: [singing] Good ya got it.

[first lines]
Anthony Hope: I have sailed the world, beheld its wonders, from the Dardanelles to the mountains of Peru. But there's no place like London.
Sweeney Todd: No, there's no place like London.
Anthony Hope: [spoken] Mr. Todd?
Sweeney Todd: You are young. Life has been kind to you. You will learn.

[last lines]
Sweeney Todd: There was a barber and his wife, and she was beautiful. A foolish barber and his wife. She was his reason and his life, and she was beautiful. And she was virtuous. And he was...

Sweeney Todd: [sings] There was a barber and his wife, / And she was beautiful. / A foolish barber and his wife. / She was his reason and his life, / And she was beautiful. / And she was virtuous. / And he was... naive. / There was another man who saw / That she was beautiful, / A pious vulture of the law, / Who with a gesture of his claw / Removed the barber from his plate. / Then there was nothing but to wait / And she would fall, / So soft, / So young, / So lost, / And oh, so beautiful.
Anthony Hope: And the lady, sir, did she succumb?
Sweeney Todd: [sings] Oh, that was many years ago... / I doubt if anyone would know.
[turns and speaks to Anthony]
Sweeney Todd: I'd like to thank you, Anthony. If you hadn't spotted me, I would be lost on the ocean still.
Anthony Hope: Will I see you again?
Sweeney Todd: You might find me, if you like, around Fleet Street, I wouldn't wonder.
[looks down the street]
Anthony Hope: [holds out his hand for Sweeney to shake] Until then, my friend.
[Sweeney ignores Anthony and walks down the street]

[Sweeney Todd and Mrs. Lovett buy what appears to be Pirelli's Miracle Elixir]
Sweeney Todd: [opens the lid] What is this?
Mrs. Lovett: What is this?
Sweeney Todd: Smells like piss.
Mrs. Lovett: [sniffs] Smells like, eww!
Sweeney Todd: Looks like piss.
Mrs. Lovett: [unison] I wouldn't touch it if I was you, dear.
Sweeney Todd: This is piss. / Piss with ink.

Sweeney Todd: [sings] The history of the world, my love...
Mrs. Lovett: [sings] Save a lot of graves, does a lot of relatives favors.
Sweeney Todd: Is those below serving those up above.
Mrs. Lovett: Everybody shaves, so there should be plenty of flavors.
Sweeney Todd: How gratifying for once to know...
Sweeney Todd, Mrs. Lovett: That those above will serve those down below!

Sweeney Todd: There's a hole in the world like a great black pit, / And the vermin of the world inhabit it, / And its morals aren't worth what a pig could spit, / And it goes by the name of London. At the top of the hole sit a privileged few / Making mock of the vermin of the lower zoo. Turning beauty into filth and greed.

Sweeney Todd: "Don't I know you?" she said. You knew she lived!
Mrs. Lovett: I was only thinking of you!
Sweeney Todd: [angry] You lied to me!
Mrs. Lovett: [sings] No, no, not lied at all! / No, I never lied!
Sweeney Todd: [sings] Lucy...
Mrs. Lovett: Said she took the poison, she did, / Never said that she died. / Poor thing, she lived...
Sweeney Todd: [in unison] I've come home again...
Mrs. Lovett: But it left her weak in the head, / All she did for months was just lie there in bed...
Sweeney Todd: [unison] Lucy...
Mrs. Lovett: Should've been in hospital, / Wound up in Bedlam instead, / Poor thing!
Sweeney Todd: [unison] Oh, my God...!
Mrs. Lovett: Better you should think she was dead. / Yes, I lied 'cause I love you!
Sweeney Todd: [unison] Lucy!
Mrs. Lovett: I'd be twice the wife she was!
Sweeney Todd: [in unison] What have I done?
Mrs. Lovett: [in unison] I love you! Could that *thing* have cared for you like me?
[he turns toward Mrs. Lovett in anger]
Sweeney Todd: Mrs. Lovett, / You're a bloody wonder, / Eminently practical and yet / Appropriate as always. / As you've said repeatedly, / There's little point in dwelling on the past!
Mrs. Lovett: Do you mean it?
Sweeney Todd: [in unison] No, come here, my love... / Not a thing to fear, my love...
Mrs. Lovett: [in unison] Everything I did, / I swear, / I thought / Was only for the best!
Sweeney Todd: [in unison] What's dead is dead!
Mrs. Lovett: [in unison] Believe me! Can we still be married?

Sweeney Todd: What is that?
Mrs. Lovett: It's fop, / Finest in the shop. / Or we have shepherd's pie peppered with actual shepherd on top. And I've just begun. Here's the politician, so oily it's served on a doily, have one.

Anthony Hope: [sings] I feel you, Johanna, / I feel you. / Do they think that walls can hide you? / Even now I'm at your window. / I am in the dark beside you, / Buried sweetly in your yellow hair, / Johanna...
Sweeney Todd: [sings] And are you beautiful and pale, / With yellow hair, like her? / I want you beautiful and pale, / The way I've dreamed you were, / Johanna...
Anthony Hope: Johanna...
Sweeney Todd: And if you're beautiful, what then, / With yellow hair, like wheat? / I think we shall not meet again, / My little dove, my sweet Johanna...
Anthony Hope: I'll steal you, Johanna...
Sweeney Todd: Goodbye, Johanna. / You're gone, and yet you're mine. / I'm fine, Johanna, / I'm fine.
Anthony Hope: Johanna...

Sweeney Todd: [sings] And if I never hear your voice, / My turtledove, my dear, / I still have reason to rejoice: / The way ahead is clear, / Johanna...
Anthony Hope: [sings] I feel you, Johanna...
Sweeney Todd: And in that darkness when I'm blind / With what I can't forget / It's always morning in my mind, / My little lamb, my pet, / Johanna... / You stay, Johanna, / The way I've dreamed you are. / Oh look, Johanna, / A star! / A shooting star!
Anthony Hope: Buried sweetly in your yellow hair...

Sweeney Todd: [sings] And though I'll think of you, I guess, / Until the day I die, / I think I miss you less and less / As every day goes by, / Johanna...
Anthony Hope: [sings] Johanna...
Sweeney Todd: And you'd be beautiful and pale, / And look too much like her. / If only angels could prevail, / We'd be the way we were, / Johanna...
Anthony Hope: I feel you, Johanna...
Sweeney Todd: Wake up, Johanna! / Another bright red day! / We learn, Johanna, / To say / Goodbye...
Anthony Hope: I'll steal you...

Sweeney Todd: [sings] Rest now, my friends.
Mrs. Lovett: [sings in unison] Never you fear, Mr. Todd.
Sweeney Todd: Soon I'll unfold you.
Mrs. Lovett: [unison] You can move in here, Mr. Todd.
Sweeney Todd: Soon you'll know...
Sweeney Todd, Mrs. Lovett: [in harmony] Splendors you never have dreamed all your days...
Mrs. Lovett: Will be yours. I'm your friend.
Sweeney Todd: [unison] My lucky friends.
Mrs. Lovett: And you're mine.
Sweeney Todd: Till now your shine...
Mrs. Lovett: Don't they shine beautiful?
Sweeney Todd: [unison] Was merely silver. / Friends...
Mrs. Lovett: [unison] Silver's good enough for me, Mr. T...
Sweeney Todd: You shall drip rubies, / You'll soon drip precious rubies...

Toby: Let Pirelli's / Miracle Elixir / Activate your roots, sir...
Sweeney Todd: Keep it off your boots, sir- / Eats right through.
Toby: Yes, get Pirelli's! / Use a bottle of it! / Ladies seem to love it...
Mrs. Lovett: Flies do, too!

Judge Turpin: [arriving at the barbershop] Mr. Todd?
Sweeney Todd: At your service... an honor to receive your patronage, my lord.
Judge Turpin: Do you know me, sir?
Sweeney Todd: Who in this wide world does not know the great Judge Turpin?
Judge Turpin: These premises are hardly prepossessing. And yet the Beadle tells me you're the most accomplished of all the barbers in the city.
Sweeney Todd: That is gracious of him, sir.

Mrs. Lovett: So what are we gonna do about the boy?
Sweeney Todd: Send him up!
Mrs. Lovett: No, Mr. T. Surely one's enough for today. Besides, I was thinking of hiring the lad to help me run the shop. Your poor knees aren't what they used to be.
Sweeney Todd: All right.
Mrs. Lovett: Of course, we're gonna have to stock up on the gin. Boy's drinking like a sailor.

Sweeney Todd: And though I'll think of you, I guess, until the day I die, I think I miss you less and less as every day goes by!

Sweeney Todd: At last! My arm is complete again.

Sweeney Todd: Pretty women.
Judge Turpin: Silhouetted.
Sweeney Todd: Stay within you.
Judge Turpin: Glancing.
Sweeney Todd: Stay forever.
Judge Turpin: Breathing lightly.
Sweeney Todd: Pretty women.
Sweeney Todd, Judge Turpin: Pretty women!

Signor Adolfo Pirelli: [as Davy Collins] I'll be wantin' me five quid back, if'n you don't mind.
Sweeney Todd: What for?
Signor Adolfo Pirelli: Because you entered our little wager under false pretense. So as you don't make the same mistake again, I'll be taking half your profits from herewith, share and share alike. Is that alright... Mr. Benjamin Barker?


Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (1982) (TV)
Judge Turpin: [singing] What more can man require than love sir?
Sweeney Todd: [singing] More than love sir.
Judge Turpin: [singing] What sir?
Sweeney Todd: [singing] Women.
Judge Turpin: [singing] Ah yes, women.
Sweeney Todd: [singing] Pretty women.

Sweeney Todd: [singing] There's a hole in the world like a great black pit/ And the vermin of the world inhabit it/ And its morals aren't worth what a pig could spit/ And it goes by the name of London.

Sweeney Todd: [singing] Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd...
Company: [singing] Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd...
Sweeney Todd: [singing] He served a dark and a vengeful god...
Company: [singing] He served a dark and a vengeful god...
Sweeney Todd: [singing] What happened then? Well, that's the play and he wouldn't want us to give it away. Not Sweeney...
Todd, Company: [singing] Not Sweeney Todd... the demon barber of Fleet... Street.

Sweeney Todd: [singing] There was a barber and his wife, and she was beautiful. A foolish barber and his wife. She was his reason and his life, And she was beautiful. And she was virtuous. And he was - Naive. There was another man who saw that she was beautiful, a pious vulture of the law, who, with a gesture of his claw removed the barber from his plate. Then there was nothing but to wait and she would fall, so soft, so young, so lost, and oh, so beautiful!
Anthony Hope: [speaking] And the lady, sir-did she-succumb?
Sweeney Todd: [singing] Oh, that was many years ago... I doubt if anyone would know.

Sweeney Todd: [singing] You there, my friend. Come, let me hold you. Now, with a sigh you grow warm in my hand, my friend, my clever friend. Rest now, my friends. Soon I'll unfold you. Soon you'll know splendors you never have dreamed all your days, my lucky friends. Till now your shine was merely silver. Friends you shall drip rubies...
Nellie Lovett: [singing]
[simultaneously]
Nellie Lovett: I'm your friend too, Mr. Todd. If you only knew, Mr. Todd - Ooh, Mr. Todd, you're warm in my hand. You've come home. Always had a fondness for you, I did. Never you fear, Mr. Todd, you can move in here, Mr. Todd. Splendors you never have dreamed All your days will be yours. I'm your friend. Don't they shine beautiful? Silver's good enough for me, Mr. T.
Sweeney Todd: [singing] You'll soon drip precious rubies...
Sweeney Todd: [holds up his razor]
Sweeney Todd: [singing] At last, my right arm is complete again!

Sweeney Todd: [singing] There's a hole in the world like a great black pit/ and it's filled with people who are filled with shit/ and the vermin of the world inhabit it- but not for long! They all deserve to die! Tell you why, Mrs. Lovett, tell you why: because in all of the whole human race, Mrs. Lovett, there are two kinds of men and only two. There's the one staying put in his proper place and the one with his foot in the other one's face- Look at me, Mrs. Lovett, look at you! No, we all deserve to die! Tell you why, Mrs. Lovett, tell you why: Because the lives of the wicked should be- Made brief! For the rest of us, death will be a relief- We all deserve to die!

Sweeney Todd: Later on, when it's dark, we'll take him to some secret place and bury him.
Nellie Lovett: Well, of course, we could do that. I don't suppose there's any relatives going to come poking around looking for him.
Nellie Lovett: [pause, as an idea strikes her]
Nellie Lovett: [singing] But... You know me. Sometimes ideas just pop into me head and I keep thinking... Seems a downright shame...
Sweeney Todd: Shame?
Nellie Lovett: Seems an awful waste... Such a nice plump frame wot's-his-name has... had... Has... Nor it can't be traced. Business needs a lift - Debts to be erased - Think of it as thrift, as a gift... If you get my drift...
[Todd stares blankly]
Nellie Lovett: No? Seems an awful waste. I mean, with the price of meat what it is, when you get it, IF you get it...
Sweeney Todd: [Getting the idea] Ha!
Nellie Lovett: Good, you got it.

Sweeney Todd: [singing] For what's the sound of the world out there?
Nellie Lovett: [singing] What, Mr. Todd, what, Mr. Todd, what is that sound?
Sweeney Todd: [singing] Those crunching noises pervading the air?
Nellie Lovett: [singing] Yes, Mr. Todd, yes, Mr. Todd, yes, all around...
Sweeney Todd: [singing] It's man devouring man, my dear,
Todd, Mrs. Lovett: [singing] And who are we to deny it in here?

Sweeney Todd: [singing] What is that?
Nellie Lovett: [singing] It's priest. Have a little priest.
Sweeney Todd: [singing] Is it really good?
Nellie Lovett: [singing] Sir, it's too good, at least. Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh, so it's pretty fresh.
Sweeney Todd: [singing] Awful lot of fat.
Nellie Lovett: [singing] Only where it sat.
Sweeney Todd: [singing] Haven't you got... poet, or something like that?
Nellie Lovett: [singing] No, you see the trouble with poet is how do you know it's deceased... try the priest!

Nellie Lovett: Now then, this might be a bit stringy, but then of course it's a fiddle player!
Sweeney Todd: No, no. This isn't fiddle player- it's PICCOLO player.
Nellie Lovett: How can you tell?
Sweeney Todd: It's PIPING hot.
Nellie Lovett: Then BLOW on it first!

Nellie Lovett: Since marine doesn't appeal to you, how about Rear Admiral?
Sweeney Todd: No, no. It's too salty. I prefer... General.
Nellie Lovett: With or without 'is privates? "With," is extra!

[last lines]
Sweeney Todd: [singing] Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd...
Company: [singing] Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd...
Sweeney Todd: [singing] He served a dark and a hungry god...
Company: [singing] He served a dark and a hungry god...
Sweeney Todd: [singing] To seek revenge may lead to Hell...
Nellie Lovett: [singing] But everyone does it, and seldom as well as Sweeney...
Company: [singing] As Sweeney Todd...
All: [singing] The demon barber of Fleet... Street...

Sweeney Todd: [singing] Have charity towards the world, my pet.
Nellie Lovett: [singing] Yes, yes, I know, my love.
Sweeney Todd: [singing] We'll take the customers that we can get.
Nellie Lovett: [singing] High-born and and low, my love.
Sweeney Todd: [singing] We'll not discriminate great from small. No, we'll serve anyone...
Sweeney Todd, Nellie Lovett: [singing together] - meaning anyone, and to anyone, at all!

Sweeney Todd: [during a sit-down in the parlor] There must be a way to the judge.
Nellie Lovett: Bloody ol' judge, always harpin' on the bloody ol' judge. 'ere we've got a nice respectable business goin'!

Nellie Lovett: Lawyer's rather nice.
Sweeney Todd: It is for a price.
Nellie Lovett: Order something else, though, to follow since no one should swallow it twice.
Sweeney Todd: Anything that's lean...
Nellie Lovett: Well, then, if you're British and loyal, you might enjoy Royal Marine. Anyway, it's clean. Though, of course, it tastes of wherever it's been!
Sweeney Todd: Is that squire on the fire?
Nellie Lovett: Mercy, no sir, look closer, you'll notice it's grocer!
Sweeney Todd: It looks thicker, more like vicar.
Nellie Lovett: No, it has to be grocer - it's green!

Nellie Lovett: It's fop. Finest in the shop. Or we have some shepherd's pie peppered with actual shepherd on top! And I've just begun - that's a politician so oily it's served with a doily, not one.
Sweeney Todd: Put it on a bun. Well, you never know if it's going to run!

Nellie Lovett: You got any money? Listen to me! You got any money?
Sweeney Todd: No money.
Nellie Lovett: Then how you going to live even?
Sweeney Todd: I'll live. If I have to sweat in the sewers or in the plague hospital, I'll live - and I'll have them!

Sweeney Todd: All right! You, sir! How about a shave? Come and visit your good friend Sweeney! You sir, too sir? Welcome to the grave! I will have vengeance - I will have salvation! Who sir? You sir? No one in the chair, come on! Come on! Sweeney's waiting! I want you bleeders. Who sir? Anybody? Gentlemen, now don't be shy! Not one man, no! Nor ten men, nor a HUNDRED can assuage me! I will have YOU!
[laughs]


Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street in Concert (2001) (TV)
Beadle: Mr. Todd. Strange, sir. It seems your face is known to me.
Mrs. Lovett: Him?
[laughs]
Mrs. Lovett: That's a laugh, him being me uncle's cousin and arrived from Birmingham only yesterday.
Sweeney Todd: And yet already, I have heard Beadle Bamford spoken of with great respect.
Beadle: Well, sir, I do try for my neighbors. Fleet Street, eh? Above your pie shop, ma'am?
Mrs. Lovett: That's it, sir.
Beadle: Then, Mr. Todd, you shall surely be seing me before the week is out.
Sweeney Todd: You will be welcome, Beadle Bamford, and I guarantee to give you, without a penny's charge, the closest shave you will ever know.

[last lines]
Sweeney Todd: To seek revenge may lead to Hell,
Mrs. Lovett: But everyone does it if seldom as well...
Sweeney Todd, Mrs. Lovett: As Sweeney... as Sweeney Todd. The Demon Barber of Fleet Street.

Judge Turpin: You see sir a man infatuate with love, her ardent an eager slave. So fetch the pomade and pumice stone, and lend me a more seductive tone, a sprinkling perhaps of French cologne, but first sir I think... a shave.
Sweeney Todd: The closest I ever gave.


The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (1936)
Sweeney Todd: May I polish you off sir?


Sweeney Todd (2006) (TV)
[last lines]
Sweeney Todd: People want to see me hanged or torn apart, but they don't want to see me shaved badly. Please allow me to shave myself.
Gaoler: All right.