Ronald Reagan
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Quotes for
Ronald Reagan (Character)
from "Spitting Image" (1984)

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"Fargo: The Gift of the Magi (#2.5)" (2015)
Lou Solverson: Governor, I don't mean to, uh... What we did over there, the war? Um... and now? My wife's got lymphoma. Uh, Stage III. And, uh, lately, the state of things, uh... Well, sometimes, I... late at night... I wonder if maybe the sickness of this world, if it isn't inside my wife somehow. The - the cancer. I don't - I don't know what I'm saying, except... Do you really think we'll get out of this mess we're in?
Ronald Reagan: Son, there's not a challenge on God's Earth that can't be overcome by an American. I truly believe that.
Lou Solverson: Yeah... But how?
[Reagan walks away with no response]

"Dark Angel: Fuhgeddaboudit (#2.15)" (2002)
Dochnovich: [to alec and max] All right, here are the rules. Well, there ain't no rules. Hitting below the belt's allowed... eye gouging's allowed...
Alec/X5-494: [while the announcer talks] Max, you don't want to fight me.
Max Guevara: Are you kidding? I've been waiting for this chance for months.
Alec/X5-494: Yeah, well, see, you're just a girl, and so -
[Max punches him]
Normal: Hey! She jumped the bell! What are you doing? She jumped the bell!
[the announcer quickly leaves the ring]
Dochnovich: [to the ring girl] Ring the bell! Will you ring the bell?
[She rings it]
Alec/X5-494: Should've known you'd cheat
[Max kicks Alec in the leg]
Max Guevara: That's for the virus.
Alec/X5-494: That was not my fault!
[She punches him]
Max Guevara: That's for trying to kill Joshua.
Alec/X5-494: I was just trying to protect my own...
[She punches him twice]
Max Guevara: And that's for getting paint all over my research papers
Alec/X5-494: Okay, yeah, that was my bad.
[Max punches Alec again]
Max Guevara: That's for making Joshua deliver your packages.
Alec/X5-494: Max, cut it out!
[She kicks and punches him]
Max Guevara: That's for losing my baseball. And this...
[Kicks Alec in the stomach]
Max Guevara: ... is for whatever stupid thing you do next.
Normal: Kick her ass!
Alec/X5-494: Okay. That's it.
[Max goes to kick Alec again, but he grabs her leg, punches her, and shoves her to the ground. Before she can get up, he kicks her. She lands near the edge of the ring, in front of Normal]
Normal: Oh, lovely!
[to Max]
Normal: You better be at work tomorrow, there, miss. Huh, pumpkin?
[Yelling, to Alec]
Normal: Kill the messenger!
[Max stands up. Alec smiles]
Alec/X5-494: My turn now, bitch
Max Guevara: What'd you just call me?
Alec/X5-494: [chuckling] You heard me. B-I-T-C...
Max Guevara: Oh, look at that. Ring girl just lost her top
Alec/X5-494: [not believing her] Yeah
[Despite his disbelief, Alec can't help glancing at the ring girl. She smiles at him, top intact. Max takes the opportunity to kick him in the groin]
Alec/X5-494: [the crowd groans. Eventually the women in the crowd cheer. Alec stops in his tracks, wide-eyed with pain. Max pushes him a little and he falls over]
Max Guevara: Oops. Sorry

"The Simpsons: Homer Loves Flanders (#5.16)" (1994)
Homer Simpson: Don't worry, I brought my Rappin' Ronnie Reagan tape. It always makes the trip go faster.
[pops the tape in]
Ronald Reagan: [in a Reagan-like voice] Well, well, well, w-w-w-well,well, well...
Homer Simpson: [chuckles] You know something? He *did* say "well" a lot.

The Reagans (2003) (TV)
Ronald Reagan: If you don't mind, this administration has to pee.

"Saturday Night Live: Madonna/Simple Minds (#11.1)" (1985)
Princess Diana: [quite tipsy] When will you understand that I am a person? That I am not some thing... that I am me, a person, and not just some thing. That you can't treat me like some thing. Because I am not a thing. I am a person, so treat me like a person and not a thing, because that is what I am. A person. Me.
[buries her face against Ronald Reagan's broad chest]
Ronald Reagan: Well, that pretty much says it all.
Prince Charles: [stands up, walks to Diana] Oh darling, you poor thing.

"Dark Angel: She Ain't Heavy (#2.19)" (2002)
[first lines]
Senator McKinley: Since the trans-genics escaped into our streets seven months ago the crime rate has spiked 12% in the city of Seattle alone. In Portland, an unknown viral agent has claimed the lives of 39 citizens. This is more than just a coincidence.
Reagan 'Normal' Ronald: You got that right.

"The Boondocks: The Passion of Ruckus (#1.15)" (2006)
Ronald Reagan: White Heaven is for decent, good, God-fearing Christians who just happen to, well, hate everyone and everything relating to black people. That means no Muhammad Ali, no hip-hop music and no fucking Jesse Jackson.
Uncle Ruckus: What about Whoopi Goldberg?
Ronald Reagan: Nope.
Uncle Ruckus: Ohhh! This *is* Heaven!

"Dark Angel: Exposure (#2.16)" (2002)
[first lines]
Alec: There you go, boss. One hot run delivered to Fifth and Maple in a timely and courteous fashion. By yours truly.
Reagan 'Normal' Ronald: That's my rock star
Max Guevera: Are you kidding me ? One package. That's it ? All day ?
Alec: Quality, not quantity, Max.
Cynthia 'Original Cindy' McEachin: It's what all men tell themselves. Helps them sleep better at night.

"Dark Angel: Freak Nation (#2.21)" (2002)
Normal: My golden boy's a mutant.
Alec/X5-494: We prefer "genetically empowered."
Normal: Take me Jesus.
Mole: Careful what you wish for.

"Tiny Toon Adventures: Washingtoon (#3.11)" (1992)
[in the Lincoln Memorial]
Babs Bunny: [reading] "It is for us to be dedicated to the great task remaining befor us. That this nation, under God, shall have new birth of freedom, and that government of the people, by the people and for the people shall not perish from this earth." Beautiful isn't it?
Buster Bunny: Yeah. Too bad it doesn't apply to us. Face it Babs; we're a lost cause.
Mysterious Voice: Lost causes are the only causes worth fighting for.
Babs Bunny: Who said that?
Mysterious Voice: Stand tough in the face of adversity. Let right be done. Let truth be your guide and most of all: Never give up. Never, ever give up.
Buster Bunny: Come on Babs. We have our work cut out for us!
Babs Bunny: Thanks, Mr. Lincoln.
Babs Bunny: [the mysterious voice is revealed as Ronald Reagan in his pajamas talking to a teddy bear]
Ronald Reagan: Now ask me something hard, Teddy.
Nancy Reagan: Oh! There you are Ronny. Don't you know better than to wander out at this hour? Oh, what am I ever going to do with you?
Ronald Reagan: Say bye-bye Teddy.
Ted Kennedy: Bye-bye.

"Animaniacs: De-Zanitized/The Monkey Song/Nighty-Night Toon (#1.1)" (1993)
Dr. Scratchensniff: So tell me more about these dreams you've been having Mr. Reagan?
Ronald Reagan: Well, in my dreams I'm President of the United States.
[Dr. Scratchensniff writes down on his notepad "DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR" and "INCURABLE"]

Back to the Future Part II (1989)
'Ronald Reagan' Video Waiter: Welcome to the Cafe 80's, where it's always morning in America, even in the afternoo-noo-noon. Our special today is mesquite-grilled sushi...
'Ayatollah Khomeini' Video Waiter: [interrupts] You must have the hostage special!
'Ronald Reagan' Video Waiter: Cajun style.
'Ayatollah Khomeini' Video Waiter: You must have the hostage special.
[they keep repeating over each other, talking faster and faster]
Marty McFly: Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute, guys, hey, hey, hey guys! All I want is a Pepsi.

Genesis: Land of Confusion (1986) (V)
[last lines]
Ronald Reagan: [after accidentally pushing the Nuke button instead of the Nurse one] That's one heck of a nurse!