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: Dad, the apartment looks good. Hal Karp
] I know, it's great. I'm *so* glad your mom is divorcing me. Steven Karp
: Dad, uh . . . Hal Karp
: You know, it took me *two hours* to decorate this place. I went to that Swedish place and Beyond the Bathroom. It took your mother *a year* to do the house. I mean, what was she doing all that time?
: [about pursuing Lizzie
] Just don't do it, Steven, okay? Steven Karp
: Look, she said now that she's away at college, they've both agreed to explore. That includes *me*. Hal Karp
: Then let her date Magellan. Vasco Da Gama. Steven Karp
: But I like this girl. Hal Karp
: Steven, women are crazy. You don't want to enter into a situation that makes them even crazier. Now pardon me, but look at your mother. She seemed completely sane at the beginning. Now this chick you like, she's already starting at halfway nuts. Steven Karp
: [gets up to leave
] Thanks, Dad. Hal Karp
: Where are you going? Okay, ignore the voice of experience!
: [gives advice to Steven about Lizzie
] All women *are* crazy. That's why I don't have any friends that are girls. Because they're crazy! Marshall Nesbitt
: Don't say that, because some girls are really great. Rachel Lindquist
: You are gonna be in hell. Marshall Nesbitt
: Maybe you like hell, right? Steven Karp
: [Lizzie approaches
] Actually, guys, be quiet, because she's actually . . . here she comes. Rachel Lindquist
: I've lived with her for one day, and I can already tell she's *crazy*. Have you seen her screensaver? It's a picture of her boyfriend's head. Marshall Nesbitt
: And one day, it's gonna be a picture of *Steven's* head. Rachel Lindquist
: I think it could be my head.
: Uh, excuse me... we're, like, having a party tonight. Do you, like, wanna come? Betty
: Oh, I'm a senior. Steven Karp
: Oh, that's cool ... Betty
: No, sweetie, that means I'm not coming to your party.