Sherlock Holmes
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Quotes for
Sherlock Holmes (Character)
from "Sherlock" (2010)

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Sherlock Holmes (2009)
Sherlock Holmes: You've never complained about my methods before.
Dr. John Watson: I'm not complaining.
Sherlock Holmes: You're not? What do you call this?
Dr. John Watson: I never complain! How am I complaining? When do I ever complain about you practicing the violin at three in the morning, or your mess, your general lack of hygiene, or the fact that you steal my clothes?
Sherlock Holmes: Uh, we have a barter system...
Dr. John Watson: When have I ever complained about you setting fire to my rooms?
Sherlock Holmes: Our rooms...
Dr. John Watson: The rooms! Or, or, the fact that you experiment on my dog?
Sherlock Holmes: Our dog...
Dr. John Watson: The dog!
Sherlock Holmes: Gladstone is our dog!

Inspector Lestrade: You know, in another life, you'd have made an excellent criminal.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, and you, sir, an excellent policeman.

Sherlock Holmes: [after being tossed across the room] Un moment, s'il vous plait.
Dredger: [affably] Je ne suis pas pressé.

[first lines]
Sherlock Holmes: [voice-over] Head cocked to the left, partial deafness in ear: first point of attack. Two: throat; paralyze vocal chords, stop scream. Three: got to be a heavy drinker, floating rib to the liver. Four: finally, drag in left leg, fist to patella. Summary prognosis: unconscious in ninety seconds, martial efficacy quarter of an hour at best. Full faculty recovery: unlikely.

Dredger: Cour, petit lapin, cour.
Sherlock Holmes: Avec plaisir.

Irene Adler: Why are you always so suspicious?
Sherlock Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically?

Sherlock Holmes: You have the grand gift of silence, Watson; it makes you quite invaluable as a companion.
[Watson punches him in the face]

Sherlock Holmes: [to Watson] Never theorize before you have data. Invariably, you end up twisting facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.

Sherlock Holmes: It's a matter of professional integrity! No girl wants to marry a doctor who can't tell if a man's dead or not!

Sir Thomas: Mr. Holmes, apologies for summoning you like this. I'm sure it's quite a mystery as to where you are, and who I am...
Sherlock Holmes: As to where I am, I was, admittedly, lost for a moment, between Charing Cross and Holborn, but I was saved by the bread shop on Saffron Hill. The only baker to use a certain French glaze on their loaves - a Brittany sage. After that, the carriage forked left, then right, and then the tell-tale bump at the Fleet Conduit. And as to who you are, that took every ounce of my not-inconsiderable experience. The letters on your desk were addressed to a Sir Thomas Rotherham. Lord Chief Justice, that would be the official title. Who you *really* are is, of course, another matter entirely. Judging by the sacred ox on your ring, you're the secret head of the Temple of the Four Orders in whose headquarters we now sit, located on the northwest corner of St. James Square, I think. As to the mystery, the only mystery is why you bothered to blindfold me at all.
Sir Thomas: [recovering as best he can] Yes, well... standard procedure, I suppose.

[Lestrade brings Holmes, handcuffed, before the Home Secretary, Lord Coward]
Inspector Lestrade: Excuse me, my lord. I know it's unorthodox, but Mr. Holmes here has been making some serious accusations about you...
[Lestrade lifts his lapel, showing a membership pin from the Temple of the Four Orders]
Inspector Lestrade: ...and the Order, sir.
Lord Coward: I see.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, at least that solves the great mystery of how you became Inspector.
[Lestrade turns and punches Holmes in the stomach]
Inspector Lestrade: Begging your pardon, my lord, but I've been wanting to do that for a long time.

[in a bare-knuckle boxing match, Holmes sees Irene and tries to forfeit and leave]
Sherlock Holmes: That's it, big man. You've won, congratulations.
McMurdo: Oi, we ain't done yet!
[He spits at the back of Holmes's head. Holmes stops]
Sherlock Holmes: [voice-over] This mustn't register on an emotional level...
[in slow motion]
Sherlock Holmes: First, distract target...
[Holmes flicks a handerchief in front of his opponent's face]
Sherlock Holmes: Then block his blind jab, counter with cross to left cheek. Discombobulate.
[Holmes claps his hands over his opponent's ears]
Sherlock Holmes: Dazed, will attempt wild haymaker. Employ elbow block, and body shot. Block feral left, weaken right jaw, now fracture.
[a cross to the jaw fractures the bone]
Sherlock Holmes: Break cracked ribs, traumatize solar plexus, dislocate jaw entirely.
[Two more body blows, and a right hook to the jaw hinge]
Sherlock Holmes: Heel kick to diaphragm...
[Holmes finishes with a heel kick to his opponent's chest, sending him crashing out of the ring]
Sherlock Holmes: In summary: ears ringing, jaw fractured, three ribs cracked, four broken, diaphragm haemmorraging. Physical recovery: six weeks. Full psychological recovery: six months. Capacity to spit at back of head: neutralized.
[Back in real time, Holmes picks up the handkerchief, as though wiping the back of his neck, then does all of the foregoing in about six seconds, and kicks McMurdo out of the ring]

Sherlock Holmes: And chambermaids were once such a liberal breed.
Constable Clark: My wife's a chambermaid, sir.
[uncomfortable silence]
Constable Clark: Anyhow, it's a good thing she was offended, sir. Otherwise we'd never have found you.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes.
[more uncomfortable silence]
Constable Clark: Just joking about the wife, sir.
Sherlock Holmes: Ah!

Sherlock Holmes: There's only at one case that intrigues me at present. The curious case of Mrs. Hudson, the absentee landlady. I've been studying her comings and goings, they appear most... sinister.
Mrs. Hudson: Tea, Mr. Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: Is it poisoned, Nanny?
Mrs. Hudson: There's enough of that in you already.

Irene Adler: I've never woke up in handcuffs before.
Sherlock Holmes: I have. Naked.

Sherlock Holmes: My mind rebels at stagnation! Give me problems! Give me work!

Sherlock Holmes: Data, data, data. I cannot make bricks without clay.

Sherlock Holmes: Ah, putrefaction!

[about Blackwood coming back from the grave]
Sherlock Holmes: Have the newspapers got wind of it yet?
Constable Clark: Well, that's what we're trying to avoid, sir.
Sherlock Holmes: Certainly. What's the major concern?
Constable Clark: Panic. Sheer bloody panic, sir.

Dr. John Watson: You've been in this room for two weeks, I insist you have to get out.
Sherlock Holmes: There is absolutely nothing of interest to me, out there, on Earth, at all.
Dr. John Watson: So you're free this evening?
Sherlock Holmes: Absolutely.
Dr. John Watson: Dinner?
Sherlock Holmes: Wonderful.
Dr. John Watson: The Royale?
Sherlock Holmes: My favorite.
Dr. John Watson: Mary's coming.
Sherlock Holmes: Not available.
Dr. John Watson: You're meeting her, Holmes!
Sherlock Holmes: Have you proposed yet?
Dr. John Watson: No, I haven't found the right ring.
Sherlock Holmes: Then it's not official.
Dr. John Watson: It's happening. Whether you like it or not, 8:30, the Royale. Wear a jacket!
Sherlock Holmes: *You* wear a jacket.

[Holmes picks up a gadget from the midget's workshop and it turns out to be a taser, that sends Dredger flying across the room, crushing another thug who has Watson pinned]
Dr. John Watson: Holmes? What is that?
Sherlock Holmes: Je ne sais pas.

[Mrs. Hudson starts to clear space for the tea tray]
Sherlock Holmes: Don't touch. Everything is in its proper place... as per usual, Nanny.
[on her way out, Mrs. Hudson notices the dog laying on the floor]
Mrs. Hudson: Oh, he's killed the dog. Again.
Dr. John Watson: [irritated] What have you done to Gladstone now?
Sherlock Holmes: I was simply testing a new anesthetic. He doesn't mind.

[Holmes has been firing a gun into the wall]
Dr. John Watson: Permission to enter the armory?
Sherlock Holmes: Granted.
[He fires again]
Sherlock Holmes: Watson, I am in the process of inventing a device which muffles the sound of a gunshot.
[He yells in pain as Watson opens the curtains, letting sunlight into the room]
Dr. John Watson: It's not working.

Dr. John Watson: No, not you, Mary and I. You are not...
Sherlock Holmes: What? Invited? Why would I be not invited to my own brother's country home, Watson? Now you are not making any sense!
Dr. John Watson: You are not human!

Dr. John Watson: [Holmes points his violin bow at Watson] Get that out of my face.
Sherlock Holmes: It's not in your face, it's in my hand.
Dr. John Watson: Get what's in your hand out of my face.

Inspector Lestrade: [From inside Blackwood's tomb] You took your time, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: [portentously] And on the third day...

[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: Case re-opened.

[on Moriarty]
Irene Adler: Please don't underestimate him. He's just as brilliant as you are. And infinitely more devious.
Sherlock Holmes: We'll see about that.

[Watson is sorting Holmes's un-read mail, in response to his demand for work]
Dr. John Watson: Lady Radford reports her emerald bracelet has gone missing.
Sherlock Holmes: [not looking up] Insurance swindle. Lord Radford likes fast women and slow ponies.

Sherlock Holmes: [to Lord Blackwood] I wonder if they'd let Watson and me dissect your brain. After you hang, of course. I'd wager there would be some deformity that would be scientifically significant. In that way, at least, you could serve some kind of useful purpose.

Sherlock Holmes: [as he's fighting one of Blackwood's minions, calls out to Irene Adler] Woman! Shoot him! Now, please!

[Holmes is spying on Blackwood's sacrifice. A henchman tries to sneak up on him, but Watson grabs him and puts him in a hold]
Dr. John Watson: I like the hat.
Sherlock Holmes: Thanks, I just picked it up.
Dr. John Watson: You remember your revolver?
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, knew I forgot something. Thought I left the stove on.
Dr. John Watson: You did.
Sherlock Holmes: I think that's quite enough. You are a doctor, after all.
[Watson feels the henchman's pulse and lets him fall to the floor]
Sherlock Holmes: Always nice to see you, Watson.

[a chambermaid enters Irene Adler's room and screams when she sees Holmes, handcuffed naked to the bed with a pillow covering his groin]
Sherlock Holmes: Madam, I need you to remain calm. And trust me, I'm a professional. Beneath this pillow, lies the key to my release.
[the Maid screams again and runs out; cut to later in a carriage]
Sherlock Holmes: Of course, she mis-interpreted my intention entirely.
Constable Clark: Naturally, sir.

Mary Morstan: It does seem a little far-fetched, though. Making all these grand assumptions based on such tiny details...
Sherlock Holmes: Mm, that's not quite right, is it? In fact, the little details are by far the most important.

[Watson and Mary enter Baker Street to find Holmes hanging from a noose]
Dr. John Watson: Don't worry, dear. Suicide is not in his repertoire. He's far too fond of himself for that.
[pokes Holmes sharply]
Dr. John Watson: Holmes!
Sherlock Holmes: [wakes up] Oh, good afternoon. I was attempting to determine the means by which Blackwood survived his execution - clearing your good name, as it were - but it had a surprisingly soporific effect, and I found myself carried off into the arms of Morpheus like a caterpillar in a cocoon.
[to Mary]
Sherlock Holmes: Good afternoon, dear.
Dr. John Watson: Get on with it, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, cleverly concealed in the hangman's knot was a hook... oh, my, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down.
Mary Morstan: John, shouldn't we help him down?
Dr. John Watson: No, no, I hate to cut him off mid-stream. Carry on.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, the executioner attached it to a harness which allowed the weight to be distributed around the waist and the neck to remain intact. Oh, lord, I can't feel my cheeks. Might we continue this at ground level?
Dr. John Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: I managed it with braces, belts and a coat-hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is going, soon I'll be of no use to you at all.
Dr. John Watson: Worse things could happen.

Sherlock Holmes: There is a toxin, refined from the nectar of the rhododendron ponticum. It's quite infamous in the region of Turkey bordering the Black Sea for its ability to induce an apparently mortal paralysis. Enough to deceive even a medical mind as tenacious and well-trained as yours. It's known locally as...
Mary Morstan: [noticing] What's wrong with Gladstone?
Sherlock Holmes: ...mad honey disease. Oh, he's just demonstrating the very effect I've just described. He doesn't mind.

Irene Adler: You'll miss me, Sherlock.
Sherlock Holmes: Sadly... yes.

Dr. John Watson: What of Mary?
Palm Reader: M for Mary. For marriage. Oh, you will be married!
Dr. John Watson: [nodding his head slowly] Go on.
Palm Reader: [looking intensely at Watson's palm] Oh, I see pattern tablecloth and... Oh, china figurines and... Ugh! Lace doilies!
Sherlock Holmes: [pretending to be deep in thought] Mmm... Doilies!
Dr. John Watson: Lace... doilies? Holmes! Does your depravity know no bounds?
Sherlock Holmes: No!
Palm Reader: [continuing her prophecies about Mary] Oh, then she turns fat and, ugh, she has a beard and...
Sherlock Holmes: What of the warts?
Palm Reader: Ah, she's covered in warts!
Dr. John Watson: [interrupting the palm reader] Enough, enough!
Sherlock Holmes: Are they extensive?
Dr. John Watson: Please, enough!

Lord Blackwood: Sherlock Holmes... and his loyal dog. Tell me, Doctor, as a medical man, have you enjoyed my work?
Dr. John Watson: Let me show you how much I've enjoyed it...
[He rushes at Blackwood, Holmes holds him back]
Sherlock Holmes: Watson, don't! Observe...
[Watson sees Blackwood's trap]
Dr. John Watson: How did you see that?
Sherlock Holmes: Because I was looking for it.

Sherlock Holmes: [Telling a joke to a prisoner] And he said, "May I push in your stool?"
[Raucous Laughter]

Irene Adler: I'd say you're between jobs.
Sherlock Holmes: And you, between husbands.
Irene Adler: He was boring and he was jealous and he snored. I'm Irene Adler again.

Dr. John Watson: You really believe he was resurrected?
Sherlock Holmes: The question is not if but how. The game's afoot.
Dr. John Watson: "Follow your spirit..."
Dr. John Watson, Sherlock Holmes: "And upon this charge, cry, 'God for Harry, England and St. George!'"

[Blackwood's coffin is opened]
Inspector Lestrade: That's not Blackwood!
Sherlock Holmes: Well, now we have a firm grasp of the obvious.

Sherlock Holmes: Whatever he was working on, he obviously succeeded.
Dr. John Watson: How do you know?
Sherlock Holmes: Otherwise, he'd still be alive.

Sherlock Holmes: What of the coffin, Lestrade?
Inspector Lestrade: Well, we are in the process of bringing it up.
[Holmes looks at the unmoving constables]
Sherlock Holmes: Indeed? What stage of the process? Contemplative?

Sherlock Holmes: First, the world will see you for what you are: a fraud. Then you'll be hanged - properly, this time.
Lord Blackwood: It's a long journey from here to the rope.

Dr. John Watson: Holmes! Does your depravity know no bounds?
Sherlock Holmes: [nonchalantly] No!

Sherlock Holmes: Go along now. I won't be chasing you anymore. Fare thee well.
Irene Adler: I don't wanna run, anymore.

Sherlock Holmes: [after two henchmen call in Dredger, to Watson] Meat? Or potatoes?
Dr. John Watson: My ten minutes are up.

[Holmes and Watson are searching Riordan's house]
Sherlock Holmes: There's one odor I can't put my finger on. Is it candy floss, molasses...? Ah! Barley sugar.
[Watson turns around to see two goons enter, one holding a... ]
Dr. John Watson: ...Toffee apple.
Sherlock Holmes: Let me guess... Judging by your arsonist's tool kit, you're here to burn down the building and destroy all the evidence therein.
Thug: Just one minute, boys.
Thug: Oh, Dredger!
[as Dredger enters, Holmes and Watson look up... and up]
Dredger: Il y a un problème?

Mary Morstan: [Mary asks Holmes to make some deductions regarding herself] What can you tell about me?
Sherlock Holmes: You?
Dr. John Watson: I don't think that's...
Sherlock Holmes: I don't know if that's...
Dr. John Watson: Not at dinner.
Sherlock Holmes: Perhaps some other time.
Mary Morstan: I insist.
Sherlock Holmes: You insist?
Dr. John Watson: You remember we've discussed this.
Sherlock Holmes: [demanding] The lady insists.

Sherlock Holmes: Where's the inspector?
Dr. John Watson: Getting his troops lined up.
Sherlock Holmes: That could be all day.

Sherlock Holmes: There's only one case that intrigues me at present. The curious case of Mrs. Hudson, the absentee landlady. I've been studying here comings and goings and they appear most... sinister.
Mrs. Hudson: Tea, Mr. Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: Is it poisoned, Nanny?
Mrs. Hudson: There's enough of that in you already.
Mrs. Hudson: [Starts to clear space for the tea tray]
Sherlock Holmes: Don't touch! Everything is in its proper place, as per usual... Nanny.

Sherlock Holmes: My journey took me some what further down the rabbit hole than I intended and though I dirtied my fluffy white tail I have emerged, enlightened.

Inspector Lestrade: And you were supposed to wait for my orders.
Sherlock Holmes: If I had, you'd be cleaning up a corpse and chasing a rumor. Besides, the girl's parents hired me, not the Yard. Why they thought you'd require any assistance is beyond me.

Sherlock Holmes: [ship sinking behind them] Watson, what have you done?

Irene Adler: Moriarty
Sherlock Holmes: What?
Irene Adler: That's his name... everyone has a weak spot and he found mine.
Sherlock Holmes: What was it by the way?
[Irene looked at Sherlock and Sherlock twigs that he was her weak spot]

Sherlock Holmes: [Frenetially esiring more relevant information on the case] Data, data, data! I cannot make bricks without clay!

Sherlock Holmes: Thre's nothing more elusive than an obvious fact.

Sherlock Holmes: [to Watson] My mind rebels at stagnation. Give me work! The sooner the better.

Sherlock Holmes: [to Lestrade about the criminals Holmes has just overcome] One for the doctor; one for the rope!

Sherlock Holmes: There was never any magic. Merely conjuring tricks.

Sherlock Holmes: [to Lord Blackwood] You'd better hope it's just superstition, as you performed all the rituals perfectly. The Devil's due a soul, I'd say...

"Sherlock: A Study in Pink (#1.1)" (2010)
Anderson: So we can read her emails, so what?
Sherlock Holmes: Anderson, don't talk out loud. You lower the IQ of the whole street.

Sherlock Holmes: Shut up.
DI Lestrade: I didn't say anything.
Sherlock Holmes: You were thinking. It's annoying.

Sherlock Holmes: And because you're dying, you've just murdered four people.
Jeff: I've outlived four people. That's the most fun you can have with an aneurysm.

[to Mycroft]
Sherlock Holmes: Try not to start a war before I get home. You know what it does to the traffic.

Anderson: Never mind that. We found the case. According to *someone*, the murderer has the case, and we found it in the hands of our favorite psychopath.
Sherlock Holmes: I'm not a psychopath, Anderson. I'm a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research.

Sherlock Holmes: You can't just break into my flat.
DI Lestrade: And you can't withhold evidence. And I didn't break into your flat.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, what do you call this then?
DI Lestrade: It's a drugs bust.
Dr John Watson: Seriously. This guy, a junkie? Have you met him?
Sherlock Holmes: John.
Dr John Watson: I'm pretty sure you could search this flat all day, and you wouldn't find anything you could call recreational.
Sherlock Holmes: John, you probably want to shut up now.
Dr John Watson: Yeah, but come on.
Dr John Watson: No...
Sherlock Holmes: What?
Dr John Watson: You?
Sherlock Holmes: Shut up!
[to Lestrade]
Sherlock Holmes: I'm not your sniffer dog.
DI Lestrade: No, Anderson's my sniffer dog.
Sherlock Holmes: What, A... Anderson, what are you doing here on a drugs bust?
Anderson: Oh, I volunteered.
DI Lestrade: They all did. They're not strictly speaking *on* the drug squad, but they're very keen.
Sgt Sally Donovan: [holding up a jar] Are these human eyes?
Sherlock Holmes: Put those back.
Sgt Sally Donovan: But they were in the microwave.
Sherlock Holmes: It's an experiment.

Dr John Watson: [after Sherlock explains how he worked out Watson's veteran status, his war wound and his sibling's drinking problem] That... was amazing.
Sherlock Holmes: You think so?
Dr John Watson: Of course it was. It was extraordinary. It was quite extraordinary.
Sherlock Holmes: That's not what people normally say.
Dr John Watson: What do people normally say?
Sherlock Holmes: "Piss off".

Sherlock Holmes: Look at you lot. You're all so vacant. Is it nice not being me? It must be so relaxing.

Sherlock Holmes: [seeking a restaurant] You can always tell a good Chinese by examining the bottom third of the door handle.

Dr John Watson: What are you doing?
Sherlock Holmes: Nicotine patch. Helps me think. Impossible to sustain a smoking habit in London these days. Bad news for brain work.
Dr John Watson: It's good news for breathing.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, breathing. Breathing's boring.
Dr John Watson: Is that... three patches?
Sherlock Holmes: It's a three-patch problem.

Dr John Watson: [appearing at 221-B Baker Street] Well, this is a prime spot. Must be expensive.
Sherlock Holmes: No, Mrs. Hudson, the landlady, she's giving me a special deal. She owes me a favor. A few years back, her husband got himself sentenced to death in Florida. I was able to help out.
Dr John Watson: So y-you stopped her husband being executed?
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, no. I ensured it.

Dr John Watson: People don't have archenemies.
Sherlock Holmes: I'm sorry?
Dr John Watson: In real life. There are no archenemies in real life. Doesn't happen.
Sherlock Holmes: Doesn't it? Sounds a bit dull.
Dr John Watson: So who did I meet?
Sherlock Holmes: What do real people have, then, in their... "real lives?"
Dr John Watson: Friends?... People they know, people they like, people they don't like... Girlfriends, boyfriends.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, well, as I was saying, dull.
Dr John Watson: You don't have a girlfriend, then?
Sherlock Holmes: Girlfriend? No, not really my area.
Dr John Watson: Oh, right. Do you have a boyfriend?... Which is fine, by the way.
Sherlock Holmes: I know it's fine.
Dr John Watson: So you've got a boyfriend, then?
Sherlock Holmes: No.
Dr John Watson: Right. Okay. You're unattached, just like me. Right. Good.
Sherlock Holmes: [pause] John, um... I think you should know that I consider myself married to my work and while I'm flattered, by your interest...
Dr John Watson: No.
Sherlock Holmes: ...I'm really not looking for any...
Dr John Watson: No. I'm not asking... No... I'm just saying, it's all fine.
Sherlock Holmes: Good. Thank you.

Sherlock Holmes: It's murder, all of them. I don't know how. But they're not suicides, they're killings, serial killings. We've got ourselves a serial killer. I love those. There's always something to look forward to.

Dr John Watson: That's a skull.
Sherlock Holmes: Friend of mine. When I say friend...

Sherlock Holmes: Her coat is slightly damp; she's been in heavy rain in the last few hours. No rain anywhere in London in that time. Under her coat collar is damp too; she's turned it up against the wind. She's got an umbrella in her left-hand pocket, but it's dry and unused: not just wind, strong wind, too strong to use her umbrella. We know from her suitcase that she was intending to stay overnight, so she must have come a decent distance, but she can't have traveled more than two or three hours because her coat still hasn't dried; so, where has there been heavy rain and strong wind within the radius of that travel time? Cardiff.
Dr John Watson: It's fantastic!
Sherlock Holmes: Do you know you do that out loud?
Dr John Watson: Sorry, I'll shut up.
Sherlock Holmes: No, it's... fine.

Sherlock Holmes: Serial killers, always hard... You have to wait for them to make a mistake.
DI Lestrade: We can't just wait!
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, we're done waiting. Look at her, really look! Houston, we have a mistake. Get on to Cardiff. Find out who Jennifer Wilson's family and friends were. Find Rachel!
DI Lestrade: Of course, yeah, but *what mistake*?
Sherlock Holmes: *Pink*!

Dr John Watson: Have you talked to the police?
Sherlock Holmes: Four people are dead, there isn't time to talk to the police.
Dr John Watson: So why are you talking to *me*?
Sherlock Holmes: [morosely] Mrs. Hudson took my skull.
Dr John Watson: So I'm basically filling in for your skull?
Sherlock Holmes: Relax, you're doing fine.

Sherlock Holmes: Why have I got this blanket? The-They keep putting this blanket on me.
DI Lestrade: Yeah, it's for shock.
Sherlock Holmes: I'm not in shock.
DI Lestrade: Yeah, but some of the guys want to take photographs.

Sherlock Holmes: You're a doctor. In fact, you're an army doctor.
Dr John Watson: Yes.
Sherlock Holmes: Any good?
Dr John Watson: Very good.
Sherlock Holmes: Seen a lot of injuries then. Violent deaths.
Dr John Watson: Well, yes.
Sherlock Holmes: Bit of trouble too, I bet?
Dr John Watson: Of course. Yes. Enough... for a lifetime, far too much.
Sherlock Holmes: Want to see some more?
Dr John Watson: Oh God, yes.

Dr John Watson: What am I doing here?
Sherlock Holmes: Helping me make a point.
Dr John Watson: I'm supposed to be helping you pay the rent.
Sherlock Holmes: Yeah, well, this is more fun.
Dr John Watson: Fun? There's a woman lying dead.
Sherlock Holmes: Perfectly sound analysis but I was hoping you'd go deeper.

Dr John Watson: [Sherlock produces a pink suitcase] That's... That's the pink lady's case, that's Jennifer Wilson's case.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, obviously.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, perhaps I should mention - I didn't kill her.
Dr John Watson: I never said you did.
Sherlock Holmes: Why not? Given the text I just had you send and the fact that I have her case, it's a perfectly logical assumption.
Dr John Watson: Do people usually assume you're the murderer?
Sherlock Holmes: Now and then, yes.

Sherlock Holmes: So, the shooter, no sign?
DI Lestrade: Cleared off before we got here. But a guy like that would have had enemies, I suppose. One of them could've been following him, but... got nothing to go on.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, I wouldn't say that.
DI Lestrade: Okay. Give me.
Sherlock Holmes: The bullet they just dug out of the wall's from a handgun. A kill shot over that distance, from that kind of a weapon, that's a crack shot you're looking for. But not just a marksman, a fighter. His hands couldn't have shaken at all, so clearly he's acclimatised to violence. He didn't fire until I was in immediate danger, though, so strong moral principle. You're looking for a man probably with a history of military service and...
[spots John]
Sherlock Holmes: ...nerves of steel...
Sherlock Holmes: Actually, do you know what? Ignore me.
DI Lestrade: Sorry?
Sherlock Holmes: Ignore all of that. It's just the, er... the shock talking.
DI Lestrade: Where are you going?
Sherlock Holmes: I just need to... talk about the-the rent.
DI Lestrade: I've still got questions...
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, what now? I-I'm in shock, look, I've got a blanket.

Dr John Watson: Um, Sergeant Donovan's just been explaining... everything. The... two pills... Dreadful business, isn't it? Dreadful.
Sherlock Holmes: [quietly] Good shot.
Dr John Watson: Yes. Yes, must have been. Through that window.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, *you'd* know... Need to get the powder burns out of your fingers. I don't suppose you'd serve time for this, but let's avoid the court case.
Sherlock Holmes: Are you all right?
Dr John Watson: Yes, of course I'm all right.
Sherlock Holmes: Well you have just killed a man.
Dr John Watson: Yes, I... That's true. But he wasn't a very nice man.
Sherlock Holmes: No. No, he wasn't, really, was he?
Dr John Watson: No, frankly, a bloody awful cabbie.
Sherlock Holmes: [chuckles with John] That's true, he was a bad cabbie. You should have seen the route he took us to get here.
Dr John Watson: [laughing] Stop! We can't giggle, it's a crime scene. Stop it.
Sherlock Holmes: You're the one who shot him. Don't blame me.
Dr John Watson: Keep your voice down! Sorry, it's just, um, nerves, I think.
Sherlock Holmes: Sorry.
Dr John Watson: You were going to take that damn pill, weren't you?
Sherlock Holmes: Course I wasn't. Biding my time. Knew you'd turn up.
Dr John Watson: No, you didn't. That's how you get your kicks, isn't it? You risk your life to prove you're clever.
Sherlock Holmes: Why would I do that?
Dr John Watson: Because you're an idiot.
Sherlock Holmes: Dinner?
Dr John Watson: Starving.

Sherlock Holmes: Did I get anything wrong?
Dr John Watson: Harry and me don't get on, never have. Clara and Harry split up three months ago and they're getting a divorce. And Harry is a drinker.
Sherlock Holmes: Spot on, then. I didn't expect to be right about everything.
Dr John Watson: Harry's short for Harriet.
Sherlock Holmes: [stops walking] Harry's your sister.
Dr John Watson: Look, what exactly am I supposed to be doing here?
Sherlock Holmes: Sister!
Dr John Watson: No, seriously, what am I doing here?
Sherlock Holmes: There's always something.

Anderson: She's German. Rache. German for revenge. She could be trying to tell us something...
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, thank you for your input.
[loudly shuts door in Anderson's face]

Sherlock Holmes: You did get shot though.
Dr John Watson: Sorry?
Sherlock Holmes: In Afghanistan. There was an actual wound.
Dr John Watson: Oh. Yeah. Shoulder.
Sherlock Holmes: Shoulder! I thought so.
Dr John Watson: No you didn't.
Sherlock Holmes: The left one.
Dr John Watson: Lucky guess.
Sherlock Holmes: I never guess.
Dr John Watson: Yes, you do.

Sherlock Holmes: How do you feel about the violin?

Dr John Watson: Well?... You asked me to come, I'm assuming it's important.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, yeah, of course. Can I borrow your phone?
Dr John Watson: My phone?
Sherlock Holmes: Don't wanna use mine. Always a chance the number will be recognised. It's on the website.
Dr John Watson: Mrs Hudson's got a phone.
Sherlock Holmes: Yeah, she's downstairs. I tried shouting but she didn't hear.
Dr John Watson: I was the other side of London...
Sherlock Holmes: There was no hurry.
Dr John Watson: [pause] Here... So what's this about, the case?
Sherlock Holmes: Her case.
Dr John Watson: Her case?
Sherlock Holmes: Her suitcase, yes, obviously. The murderer took her suitcase, first big mistake.
Dr John Watson: Okay, he took her case. So?
Sherlock Holmes: So it's no use, there's no other way. We'll have to risk it. On my desk there's a number. I want you to send a text.
Dr John Watson: [pause] You brought me here... to send a text.
Sherlock Holmes: Text, yes, the number on my desk .

Sherlock Holmes: Okay, you've got questions.
Dr John Watson: Yeah. Where are we going?
Sherlock Holmes: Crime scene. Next?
Dr John Watson: Who are you? What do you do?
Sherlock Holmes: What do you think?
Dr John Watson: I'd say private detective...
Sherlock Holmes: But...
Dr John Watson: But the police don't go to private detectives.
Sherlock Holmes: I'm a consulting detective. The only one in the world. I invented the job.
Dr John Watson: What does that mean?
Sherlock Holmes: It means whenever the police are out of their depth - which is always - they consult me.
Dr John Watson: [scoffs] The police don't consult amateurs.
[Sherlock looks at him askance, then gives a sly smile]
Sherlock Holmes: When I met you for the first time yesterday, I said "Afghanistan or Iraq?" You looked surprised.
Dr John Watson: Yes. How did you know?
Sherlock Holmes: I didn't know, I saw. Your haircut, the way you hold yourself, says military. The conversation as you entered the room - said trained at Bart's, so army doctor. Obvious. Your face is tanned, but no tan above the wrists - you've been abroad but not sunbathing. The limp's really bad when you walk, but you don't ask for a chair when you stand, like you've forgotten about it, so it's at least partly psychosomatic. That suggests the original circumstances of the injury were probably traumatic - wounded in action, then. Wounded in action, suntan - Afghanistan or Iraq.
Dr John Watson: You said I had a therapist.
Sherlock Holmes: You've got a psychosomatic limp. Of course you've got a therapist. Then there's your brother. Your phone - it's expensive, email enabled, MP3 player. But you're looking for a flat-share, you wouldn't waste money on this. It's a gift, then. Scratches - not one, many over time. It's been in the same pocket as keys and coins. The man sitting next to me wouldn't treat his one luxury item like this, so it's had a previous owner. The next bit's easy, you know it already.
[indicates back of the phone, which has been engraved with the inscription "Harry Watson - from Clara XXX"]
Dr John Watson: The engraving?
Sherlock Holmes: Harry Watson - clearly a family member who's given you his old phone. Not your father - this is a young man's gadget. Could be a cousin, but you're a war hero who can't find a place to live. Unlikely you've got an extended family, certainly not one you're close to, so brother it is. Now, Clara - who's Clara? Three kisses says romantic attachment. Expensive phone says wife, not girlfriend. Must've given it to him recently - this model's only six months old. Marriage in trouble, then - six months on, and already he's giving it away? If she'd left him, he would've kept it. People do, sentiment. But no, he wanted rid of it - he left her. He gave the phone to you, that says he wants you to stay in touch.
Sherlock Holmes: You're looking for cheap accommodation and you're not going to your brother for help? That says you've got problems with him. Maybe you liked his wife, maybe you don't like his drinking.
Dr John Watson: How can you possibly know about the drinking?
[cuts to a close-up of the phone's charger port, showing obvious scratches around it]
Sherlock Holmes: Shot in the dark. Good one, though. Power connection - tiny little scuff marks around the edge. Every night he goes to plug it in and charge but his hands are shaky. You never see those marks on a sober man's phone, never see a drunk's without them. There you go, you see? You were right.
Dr John Watson: I was right? Right about what?
Sherlock Holmes: The police don't consult amateurs.
[long pause]
Dr John Watson: [slowly, grudgingly] That was amazing.
Sherlock Holmes: You think so?

Jeff: It's genius. I know how people think. I know how people think *I* think. I can see it all like a map inside my head. Everyone's so stupid, even you. Or maybe God just loves me.
Sherlock Holmes: Either way, you're wasted as a cabbie.

Dr John Watson: What are you so happy about?
Sherlock Holmes: Moriarty.
Dr John Watson: What's Moriarty?
Sherlock Holmes: I've absolutely no idea.

Sherlock Holmes: Dear God, what is it like in your funny little brains? It must be so boring!

[going the scene where Sherlock baited a trap for the killer]
Dr John Watson: Well, you think he's stupid enough to go there?
Sherlock Holmes: No, I think he's brilliant enough. I love the brilliant ones. They're always so desperate to get caught.

Molly Hooper: Listen, I was wondering... maybe later, when you're finished...
Sherlock Holmes: [interrupting her] You're wearing lipstick. You weren't wearing lipstick before.
Molly Hooper: I, er... I refreshed it a bit.
Sherlock Holmes: Sorry, you were saying?
Molly Hooper: I was wondering if you'd like to have coffee.
Sherlock Holmes: Black, two sugars, please. I'll be upstairs.
[walks away]

Sherlock Holmes: If you were dying, if you'd been murdered, in your very last few seconds, what would you say?
Dr John Watson: "Please, God, let me live."
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, use your imagination!
Dr John Watson: [having recently returned from battle] I don't have to.

Dr John Watson: Well, you want me to come with you?
Sherlock Holmes: I like company when I go out and, uh... I think better when I talk aloud. Skull just attracts attention, so... Problem?
Dr John Watson: Yeah. Sergeant Donovan.
Sherlock Holmes: What about her?
Dr John Watson: She said... you get off on this. You enjoy it.
Sherlock Holmes: And I said 'dangerous', and here you are.
[smiles broadly and leaves]
Dr John Watson: Damn it!
[gets to his feet and hobbles after Sherlock]

Sherlock Holmes: [about the victim] She's been married for at least ten years, but not happily. She's had a string of lovers, but none of them knew she was married.
DI Lestrade: Oh, for God's sake, if you're just making this up...!
Sherlock Holmes: Her wedding ring, ten years old at least. The rest of her jewelry's been regularly cleaned but not her wedding ring. State of her marriage, right there. The inside of the ring is shinier than the outside; that means it's regularly removed. The only polishing she gets is when she works it off her finger. It's not for work, look at her nails. She doesn't work with her hands; so, what, or rather who, DOES she remove her rings for? Clearly not one lover - she'd never sustain the fiction of being single over that amount of time - so more likely a string of them. Simple.
Dr John Watson: That's brilliant!
[everyone looks at him]
Dr John Watson: Sorry.

Sherlock Holmes: Sorry. Gotta dash. I think I left my riding crop in the mortuary.
Dr John Watson: Is that it?
Sherlock Holmes: Is that what?
Dr John Watson: We've only just met, and we're going to go and look at a flat?
Sherlock Holmes: Problem?
Dr John Watson: We don't know a thing about each other. I don't know where we're meeting. I don't even know your name.
Sherlock Holmes: I know you're an Army doctor, and you've been invalided home from Afghanistan. I know you've got a brother who's worried about you, but you won't go to him for help because you don't approve of him, possibly because he's an alcoholic, more likely because he recently walked out on his wife, and I know your therapist thinks your limp's psychosomatic - quite correctly, I'm afraid. That's enough to be going on with, don't you think? The name's Sherlock Holmes, and the address is 221-B Baker Street. Afternoon.

Sherlock Holmes: Ah, Anderson. Here we are again.
Anderson: It's a crime scene. I don't want it contaminated. Are we clear on that?
Sherlock Holmes: Quite clear. And is your wife away for long?
Anderson: Oh, don't pretend you worked that out. Somebody told you that.
Sherlock Holmes: Your deodorant told me that.
Anderson: My deodorant?
Sherlock Holmes: It's for men.
Anderson: Well, of course it's for men! I'm wearing it!
Sherlock Holmes: So's Sergeant Donovan.
Sherlock Holmes: Ooh... and I think it just vaporised. May I go in?
Anderson: Now, look, whatever you're trying to imply...
Sherlock Holmes: I'm not implying anything. I'm sure Sally came round for a nice little chat and just *happened* to stay over. And I assume she scrubbed your floors, going by the state of her knees.

Dr John Watson: Pink. Y-you got all that because you realised the case would be pink?
Sherlock Holmes: Well, it had to be pink, obviously.
Dr John Watson: Why didn't I think of that?
Sherlock Holmes: Because you're an idiot.
[John looks up, insulted]
Sherlock Holmes: No, no, no, don't be like that. Practically everyone is.

Dr John Watson: Just met a friend of yours.
Sherlock Holmes: A friend?
Dr John Watson: An enemy.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh. Which one?
Dr John Watson: Well, your archenemy, according to him. Do people have archenemies?
Sherlock Holmes: [lowers voice] Did he offer you money to spy on me?
Dr John Watson: Yes.
Sherlock Holmes: [voice still low] Did you take it?
Dr John Watson: No.
Sherlock Holmes: [normal voice] Pity, we could have split the fee. Think it through next time.

Sherlock Holmes: What happened to the lipstick?
Molly Hooper: It wasn't working for me.
Sherlock Holmes: Really? I thought it was a big improvement. Your mouth's too... small now.

Sherlock Holmes: I'll have the gun, please.
Jeff: Are you sure?
Sherlock Holmes: Definitely. The gun.
Jeff: You don't want to phone a friend?
Sherlock Holmes: The gun.
[Jeff pulls the trigger and a flame flickers from the "gun" muzzle]
Sherlock Holmes: I know a real gun when I see one.

Sherlock Holmes: The game, Mrs. Hudson, is on!

Dr John Watson: He's your brother?
Sherlock Holmes: Of course he's my brother.
Dr John Watson: So he's not...
Sherlock Holmes: Not what?
Dr John Watson: I don't know... criminal mastermind?
Sherlock Holmes: Close enough.
Mycroft Holmes: For goodness sake, I occupy a minor position in the British government.
Sherlock Holmes: He *is* the British government when he's not too busy being the British Secret Service or the CIA on a free-lance basis. Good evening, Mycroft. Try not to start a war before I get home. You know what it does for the traffic.

Sherlock Holmes: Brilliant! Yes! Ah, four serial suicides and now a note, Oh, it's Christmas!

Sherlock Holmes: That's the frailty of genius, John. It needs an audience.

Sherlock Holmes: *Think*! Who do we trust, even though we don't know them? Who passes unnoticed wherever they go? Who hunts in the middle of a crowd?

Sherlock Holmes: Who'd sponsor a serial killer?
Jeff: Who would be a fan of Sherlock Holmes?

Dr John Watson: [taking the badge Sherlock flashed at a murder suspect] Hey, where di- where did you get this? Detective Inspector Lestrade?
Sherlock Holmes: Yeah. I pickpocket him when he's annoying. You can keep that one, I've got plenty at the flat.

"Sherlock: A Scandal in Belgravia (#2.1)" (2012)
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, for God's sake! "The Speckled Blonde?"

[Sending John in the field, Sherlock looks at a case from the comfort of his apartment via webcam]
Sherlock Holmes: Look, this is a 6. There's no point in my leaving the flat for anything less than a 7, we agreed. Now, go back, show me the grass.
Dr. John Watson: When did we agree that?
Sherlock Holmes: We agreed it yesterday. Stop! Closer.
Dr. John Watson: I wasn't even at home yesterday. I was in Dublin.
Sherlock Holmes: It's hardly my fault you weren't listening.
[doorbell rings]
Sherlock Holmes: [to the door] Shut up!
Dr. John Watson: Do you just carry on talking when I'm away?
Sherlock Holmes: I don't know, how often are you away?

Mycroft Holmes: This is a matter of national importance. Grow up!
Sherlock Holmes: [dressed only in a bedsheet, on which Mycroft is standing] Get off my sheet!
Mycroft Holmes: Or what?
Sherlock Holmes: Or I'll just walk away.
Mycroft Holmes: I'll let you.
Dr. John Watson: Boys, please. Not here.

Sherlock Holmes: Dominatrix...
Mycroft Holmes: Don't be alarmed. It's to do with sex.
Sherlock Holmes: Sex doesn't alarm me.
Mycroft Holmes: How would you know?

Irene Adler: I don't understand
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, well, try to.
Irene Adler: Why?
Sherlock Holmes: Because you cater to the whims of the pathetic and take your clothes off to make an impression. Stop boring me and think. It's the new sexy.

Mrs. Hudson: It's a disgrace, sending your little brother into danger like that. Family is all we have in the end, Mycroft Holmes.
Mycroft Holmes: Oh, shut up, Mrs. Hudson!
Sherlock Holmes: [furious] Mycroft!
Dr. John Watson: Hey!
Mycroft Holmes: [long pause] Apologies.
Mrs. Hudson: Thank you.
Sherlock Holmes: Though do, in fact, shut up.

Sherlock Holmes: [checking out John's blog] You got a photograph of me wearing that hat!
Dr. John Watson: Yeah, people like the hat.
Sherlock Holmes: No, they don't! What people?

Sherlock Holmes: I see you've got a new boyfriend, Molly, and you're serious about him.
Molly Hooper: What? Sorry, what?
Sherlock Holmes: In fact, you're seeing him this very night and giving him a gift.
Dr. John Watson: Take a day off.
Lestrade: Shut up and have a drink.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, come on, surely you've all seen the present at top of the bag. Perfectly wrapped with a bow. All the others are slap-dash at best. It's for someone special, then. The shade of red echoes her lipstick, either an unconscious association or one that she's deliberately trying to encourage. Either way, Miss Hooper has love on her mind. The fact that she's serious about him is clear from the fact that she's giving him a gift at all. That always suggests long-term hopes, however forlorn, and that she's seeing him tonight is evident from her make-up and what she's wearing. Obviously trying to compensate for the size of her mouth and breasts...
[voice trails off as he opens the tag: "Dearest Sherlock Love Molly xxx"]
Molly Hooper: [brutally embarrassed] You always say such horrible things. Every time. Always. Always...
Sherlock Holmes: [turns to leave but turns back] I am sorry. Forgive me.
[John looks up, completely surprised at hearing an apology from Sherlock]
Sherlock Holmes: Merry Christmas, Molly Hooper.
[Sherlock kisses her cheek. Suddenly, Sherlock's text message tone goes off, which Irene Adler earlier changed to the sound of a woman gasping in ecstasy]
Molly Hooper: Oh, No! That wasn't... I didn't...
Sherlock Holmes: No, it was me.
Lestrade: My God, really?
Molly Hooper: What?
Sherlock Holmes: My *phone*.

Sherlock Holmes: Look at them. They all care so much. Do you ever wonder if there's something wrong with us?
Mycroft Holmes: All lives end... all hearts are broken... Caring is not an advantage... Sherlock.
Sherlock Holmes: [smoking one of Irene's cigarettes] This is low tar.
Mycroft Holmes: Well, you barely knew her.

Sherlock Holmes: First get rid of your boys.
Neilson: Why?
Sherlock Holmes: I dislike being outnumbered. It makes for too much stupid in the room.

Dr. John Watson: What's going on? Jeez, what the hell is happening?
Sherlock Holmes: Mrs. Hudson's been attacked by an American; I'm restoring balance to the universe.

Sherlock Holmes: [on the phone] Lestrade? We've had a break-in at Baker Street. Send your least irritating officers and an ambulance. Oh, no, no, no, no, we're fine. No, it's the, uh, it's the burglar, he's got himself rather badly injured.
[Neilson, bound and gagged, but otherwise unharmed, looks up in confusion]
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, a few broken ribs, fractured skull, suspected punctured lung.
Sherlock Holmes: He fell out of a window.
[cut to the first floor of Baker Street, where John is tending Mrs. Hudon's wounds]
Mrs. Hudson: Oh! It stings...
[a body falls past the window, landing with a crash]
Mrs. Hudson: Oh, that was right on my bins.
[Cut to a later street scene, as the ambulance pulls away]
DI Lestrade: And exactly how many times did he fall out of the window?
Sherlock Holmes: It's all a bit of a blur, Detective Inspector. I lost count.

Sherlock Holmes: Please don't feel obliged to tell me that was remarkable or amazing. John's expressed that thought in every possible variant available to the English language.
Irene Adler: I would have you right here, on this desk, until you begged for mercy twice.
Sherlock Holmes: [long pause] John, please can you check those flight schedules, see if I'm right?
Dr. John Watson: Yeah, I'm on it, yeah.
Sherlock Holmes: I've never begged for mercy in my life.
Irene Adler: Twice.

Sherlock Holmes: Coventry.
Irene Adler: I've never been. Is it nice?
Sherlock Holmes: Where's John?
Irene Adler: He went out, a couple hours ago.
Sherlock Holmes: I was just talking to him.
Irene Adler: He said you do that.

Irene Adler: Mr. Holmes, if it was the end of the world, if this was the very last night, would you have dinner with me?
Mrs. Hudson: [off screen] Sherlock?
Irene Adler: Too late.
Sherlock Holmes: That's not the end of the world, that's Mrs. Hudson.

Mycroft Holmes: We can't fool them now. We've lost everything. One fragment of one e-mail and months and years of planning, finished.
Sherlock Holmes: Your M.O.D. man.
Mycroft Holmes: That's all it takes. One lonely, naive man, desperate to show off, and a woman clever enough to make him feel special.
Sherlock Holmes: You should screen your defense people more carefully.
Mycroft Holmes: I'm not talking about the M.O.D. man, Sherlock, I'm talking about you! A damsel in distress. In the end, are you really so obvious? Because this was textbook. The promise of love, the pain of loss, the joy of redemption. Then give him a puzzle and watch him dance.

Irene Adler: Mr. Holmes, I think we need to talk.
Sherlock Holmes: So do I. There are a number of aspects I'm still not quite clear on.
Irene Adler: [passing Sherlock to get to Mycroft] Not you, Junior, you're done now.

Sherlock Holmes: When I say run, run.

Sherlock Holmes: [to Watson] Punch me in the face.
Kate: [scene cuts to Irene Adler having makeup applied in her apartment] Shade?
Irene Adler: Blood.
Dr. John Watson: [back in the street] Punch you?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, punch me, in the face. Didn't you hear me?
Dr. John Watson: I always hear "punch me in the face" when you're speaking, but it's usually sub-text.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, for God's sakes!
[Sherlock punches John hard across the face]
Dr. John Watson: Oh!
[Sherlock waits; John, now sufficiently roused, returns Sherlock's punch]
Sherlock Holmes: [getting up from the ground] Thank you, that was... that was...
[Not done, John delivers Sherlock a gut punch]
Sherlock Holmes: [now being strangled] Okay, I think we're done now, John.
Sherlock Holmes: You ought to remember, Sherlock, I was a soldier. I killed people.
Dr. John Watson: You were a doctor!
Dr. John Watson: I had bad days!

Mycroft Holmes: [pouring tea] I'll be mother.
Sherlock Holmes: And there is a whole childhood in a nutshell.

Dr. John Watson: We should call the police.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes.
[fires five gunshots into the air]
Sherlock Holmes: On their way.
Dr. John Watson: For God's sake!
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, shut up. It's quick.

Sherlock Holmes: [reluctantly impressed] Oh, you're rather good.
Irene Adler: [returning the compliment] You're not so bad.
[intense gazing into eyes ensues]
Dr. John Watson: [interrupting the pause] Hamish.
[startled looks from Irene and Sherlock]
Dr. John Watson: John Hamish Watson, just... if you were... looking for baby names.

Sherlock Holmes: Smoking indoors. Isn't there one of those... one of those law things?
Mycroft Holmes: We're in a morgue. There's only so much damage you can do.

[Holmes is conferring with Watson from Baker Street, via webcam]
Sherlock Holmes: Now, show me the car that backfired.
Dr. John Watson: It's there.
Sherlock Holmes: That's the one that made the noise, yes?
Dr. John Watson: Yeah. If you're thinking gunshot, there wasn't one. He wasn't shot, he was killed by a single blow to the back of the head from a blunt instrument, which then magically disappeared, along with the killer. It's got to be an eight, at least.
DI Carter: [interjecting] You've got two more minutes, they want to know more about the driver.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, forget him, he's an idiot. Why else would he think himself a suspect?
DI Carter: *I* think he's a suspect.
Sherlock Holmes: Pass me over.
Dr. John Watson: All right, but there's a mute button and I *will* use it.
Sherlock Holmes: Now, up a bit! I'm not talking from down here!
Dr. John Watson: [to DI Carter] Okay, just take it, take it.
[Carter takes the laptop]
Sherlock Holmes: Having driven to an isolated location and successfully committed a crime without a single witness, why would he then call the police and consult a detective? Fair play?
DI Carter: He's trying to be clever. It's over-confidence.
Sherlock Holmes: [sighs] Did you see him? Morbidly obese, the undisguised halitosis of a single man living on his own. The right sleeve of an internet porn addict and the breathing pattern of an untreated heart condition, low self-esteem, tiny IQ, and a limited life expectancy and you think he's an audacious criminal mastermind?
[looking over his shoulder at the Phil, the driver, sitting behind him]
Sherlock Holmes: Don't worry, this is just stupid.
Phil: What did you say? Heart what?

[first lines]
[during the stand-off over the bomb, Moriarty's mobile rings]
Moriarty: [embarrassed] Do you mind if I get that?
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, no, please. You've got the rest of your life.
Moriarty: [answers phone] Hello?
Moriarty: Yes, of course it is. What do you want?
[He mouths, "sorry." to Sherlock, who mouths back, "Oh, it's fine."]
Moriarty: [listens, then shouts] Say that again!
[normal voice]
Moriarty: Say that again and know that if you're lying to me, I will find you and I will sssskin you.

[Life resumes at Baker Street]
Timid Man: My wife seems to be spending a very long time at the office...
Sherlock Holmes: Boring.
[cut to next consultation]
Married Woman: I think my husband might be having an affair...
Sherlock Holmes: Yes.
[cut to next consultation]
Creepy Guy: [holding an urn] She's not my real aunt, she's been replaced. I know she has. I know human ash...
Sherlock Holmes: Leave.
[cut to next consultation]
Businessman: We are prepared to offer any sum of money you care to mention for the recovery of these files...
Sherlock Holmes: Boring.
[cut to next consultation]
Geeky Young Man: We have this website. It explains the true meaning of comic books, 'cause people miss a lot of the themes...
[Sherlock walks off, preparing to dismiss them]
Geeky Young Man: ...uh, but then all the comic books start coming true.
Sherlock Holmes: [comes back] Oh, interesting.

Sherlock Holmes: Do you see how this works? That camera phone is her "get out of jail free" card. You have to leave her alone. Treat her like royalty, Mycroft.
Dr. John Watson: Though not the way *she* treats royalty.

Sherlock Holmes: [as John is typing] No, no, no, don't mention the unsolved ones.
Dr. John Watson: People want to know you're human.
Sherlock Holmes: Why?
Dr. John Watson: Because they're interested.
Sherlock Holmes: No, they're not... why are they?
Dr. John Watson: Hm, look at that. One thousand, eight hundred and ninety-five.
Sherlock Holmes: Sorry, what?
Dr. John Watson: I reset that counter last night. This blog has had nearly 2,000 hits in the last eight hours. This is your living, Sherlock, not two hundred and forty different types of tobacco ash.
Sherlock Holmes: [lights a blowtorch] Two hundred and forty-three.

Sherlock Holmes: Do people actually read your blog?
Dr. John Watson: Where do you think our clients come from?
Sherlock Holmes: I have a website.
Dr. John Watson: In which you enumerate two hundred and forty different types of tobacco ash. Nobody's reading your website.

Sherlock Holmes: I'll need some equipment, of course.
Mycroft Holmes: Anything you require, I'll have it sent over.
Sherlock Holmes: [to the Equrry] Can I have a box of matches?
The Equerry: I'm sorry?
Sherlock Holmes: Or your cigarette lighter, either will do.
The Equerry: I don't smoke.
Sherlock Holmes: No, I know *you* don't, but your employer does.
The Equerry: [hesitates, then hands over the lighter] We have kept a lot of people successfully in the dark about this little fact, Mr. Holmes.
The Equerry: I'm not the Commonwealth.
Dr. John Watson: And that's as modest as he gets. Pleasure to meet you.

Sherlock Holmes: [via a note taped to the door of Baker Street] "Crime in Progress. Please Disturb."

Dr. John Watson: [notes Sherlock wrapped in a bed sheet] You wearing any pants?
Sherlock Holmes: No.
Dr. John Watson: Okay.
[Holmes and Watson glance at each other and burst into laughter]
Dr. John Watson: At Buckingham Palace. Right. Oh, oh, I am seriously fighting an impulse to steal an ashtray.
[chuckles with Sherlock]
Dr. John Watson: What are we doing here, Sherlock? No, seriously, what?
Sherlock Holmes: I don't know.
Dr. John Watson: Here to see the Queen?
Sherlock Holmes: [Mycroft walks in] Oh, apparently yes.
[John and Sherlock start laughing]
Mycroft Holmes: Just once can you two behave like grown ups?
Dr. John Watson: We solve crimes, I blog about it, and he forgets his pants. So I wouldn't hold out to too much hope.

Neilson: [to his men] You two, go to the car.
Sherlock Holmes: Then get into the car and drive away. Don't try to trick me, you know who I am, it doesn't work.

The Equerry: [about Irene Adler] Will you take the case?
Sherlock Holmes: What case? Pay her, now and in full. As Miss Adler says in her masthead, know when you are beaten.

Little Girl: They wouldn't let us see Granddad when he was dead. Is that 'cause he'd gone to heaven?
Sherlock Holmes: People don't really go to heaven when they die. They're taken to a special room and burned.
Dr. John Watson: Sherlock...

Irene Adler: [stark naked before them] D'you know the big problem with a disguise, Mr. Holmes? However hard you try, it's always a self-portrait.
Sherlock Holmes: You think I'm a vicar with a bleeding face?
Irene Adler: No, I think you're damaged, delusional and believe in a higher power. In your case, it's yourself. And somebody loves you. Oh, if I had to punch that face...
Irene Adler: [looks over at John] ... I'd avoid your nose and teeth, too.
Dr. John Watson: [laughs nervously] Could you put something on, please? Uh, anything at all. A napkin...
Sherlock Holmes: Why? Are you feeling exposed?
Irene Adler: I don't think John knows where to look.
[Stands up and offers coat to Irene]
Irene Adler: No, I think he knows exactly where. I'm not sure about you.
Sherlock Holmes: If I were to look at naked women, I'd borrow John's laptop.
Dr. John Watson: You do borrow my laptop.
Sherlock Holmes: I confiscate it.

Sherlock Holmes: Vatican cameos!

Sherlock Holmes: There you are, brother. I hope the contents make up for any inconvenience I may have caused you tonight.
Mycroft Holmes: I'm certain they will.
Sherlock Holmes: If feeling kind, lock her up, otherwise let her go. I doubt she'll survive long without her protection.
Irene Adler: Are you expecting me to beg?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes.
Irene Adler: Please. You're right, I won't even last six months.
Sherlock Holmes: I'm sorry about dinner.

Dr. John Watson: She'll have to sleep upstairs in our flat tonight, we need to look after her.
Mrs. Hudson: No...
Sherlock Holmes: No, no, no, she's fine.
Dr. John Watson: No, she's not, look at her. She's got to take some time away from Baker Street. She can go and stay with her sister. Doctor's orders.
Sherlock Holmes: Don't be absurd.
Dr. John Watson: She's in shock, for God's sake, and all over some bloody stupid camera-phone. Where is it, anyway?
Sherlock Holmes: Safest place I know.
Mrs. Hudson: You left it in the pocket of your second-best dressing gown, you clot.
Mrs. Hudson: I managed to sneak it out when they thought I was having a cry.
Sherlock Holmes: Thank you. Shame on you, John Watson.
Dr. John Watson: Shame on me?
Sherlock Holmes: Mrs. Hudson leave Baker Street? England would fall.

Molly Hooper: Whose phone is it?
Sherlock Holmes: A woman's.
Molly Hooper: Your girlfriend?
Sherlock Holmes: You think she's my girlfriend because I'm x-raying her possessions?
Molly Hooper: Well, we all do silly things.
Sherlock Holmes: [a flash of insight] Yes. They do, don't they? Very silly.

Sherlock Holmes: Oh, enjoying the thrill of the chase is fine, and creating the distraction of the game I sympathize entirely, but SENTIMENT... sentiment is a chemical defect found in the losing side.
Irene Adler: Sentiment? What are you talking about?
Sherlock Holmes: You.
Irene Adler: Oh, dear God. Look at the poor man. You don't actually think I was interested in you? Why? Because you're the great Sherlock Holmes, the clever detective in the funny hat?
Sherlock Holmes: No... because I took your pulse: elevated; your pupils: dilated. I imagine John Watson thinks love's a mystery to me, but the chemistry is incredibly simple and very destructive. When we first met, you told me that disguise is always a self-portrait; how true of you. The combination to your safe: your measurements - but this...
Sherlock Holmes: [taking her cell phone] ... this is far more intimate. This is your heart, and you should never let it rule your head. You could have chosen any random number and walked out of here today with everything you've worked for, but you just couldn't resist it, could you? I've always assumed that love is a dangerous disadvantage. Thank you for the final proof.
Irene Adler: Everything I said - it's not real. I was just playing the game.
Sherlock Holmes: I know. And this is just losing.

[discussing the break-in that occurred at the home of a dominatrix]
Sherlock Holmes: I take it you stood down the police investigation into the shooting at her house?
Mycroft Holmes: How can we do anything while she has the photographs? Our hands are tied!
Sherlock Holmes: She'd applaud your choice of words.

[discussing Irene Adler]
Sherlock Holmes: There's nothing you can do and nothing she will do, as far as I can see.
Mycroft Holmes: I can put maximum surveillance on her.
Sherlock Holmes: Why bother? You can follow her on Twitter. I believe her user name is "The Whip Hand".

[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: The Woman... *The* Woman.

Sherlock Holmes: Well, you're looking all better. How you feeling?
Neilson: Like putting a bullet in your brain, sir.

Sherlock Holmes: [Sherlock, Mycroft, Watson and Harry are in Buckingham Palace. Sherlock is covered only by a bedsheet] Mycroft, I don't do anonymous clients. I'm used to mystery at one end of my cases, both ends is too much work. Good morning.
[He walks away. Mycroft steps on his bedsheet, nearly revealing Sherlock's nakedness]
Mycroft Holmes: This is a matter of national importance. Grow up!
Sherlock Holmes: Get off my sheet!
Mycroft Holmes: Or what?
Sherlock Holmes: Or I'll just walk away.
Mycroft Holmes: I'll let you.
Dr. John Watson: Boys, not here, please.
Sherlock Holmes: WHO IS MY CLIENT?
Mycroft Holmes: Take a look at where you're standing and make a deduction. You are to be engaged by the highest in the land. Now, for God's sake, put your clothes on!

Young Sherlock Holmes (1985)
Sherlock Holmes: The game is afoot.

Older Watson: It was the beginning of my second week at Brompton. With each passing day, my fascination with Sherlock Holmes and his world continued to grow. On this occasion, the entire school was bursting with excitement. Dudley had challenged Holmes to a test of ingenuity, skill, and perception. Dudley had snatched the school's fencing trophy and hidden it in a secret place. He gave Holmes sixty minutes to find the trophy. Holmes accepted the challenge with confidence.
Sherlock Holmes: The game is afoot!

Sherlock Holmes: You're sitting in a room with an all-southern view. Suddenly, a bear walks by the window. What colour is the bear?
John Watson: Red! The bear is red!
Sherlock Holmes: Why on Earth would the bear be red?
John Watson: The southern sun is very hot. The bear would be terribly burnt!
Sherlock Holmes: [laughs] That is the most absurd answer I've ever heard.

Sherlock Holmes: [to the school chefs after dropping through a window] Excuse me.

John Watson: I can't afford to jeopardise my medical career!
Sherlock Holmes: Weasel.
John Watson: I'm not a weasel. I am... practical.
Sherlock Holmes: Weasels *are* practical. And I imagined you courageous and stout of heart.
John Watson: I am courageous. And I'm stout of heart. It's just that... oh, all right. I'll do it.

[repeated line]
Sherlock Holmes: Good show, Watson!

Elizabeth Hardy: No. Uncle didn't kill himself.
John Watson: Well, then, what happened to him?
Sherlock Holmes: [entering suddenly through the window] He was murdered.

Sherlock Holmes: Ehtar! You're nothing but a damn fraud!
Ehtar: And you, Holmes, are letting your emotions get the better of you again!

Dudley: Only seconds left, Holmes. I assume you've given up.
Sherlock Holmes: Never assume anything, my good fellow.
Dudley: But Holmes, I see no sign of a trophy.
Sherlock Holmes: But I do.
[picks up a vase and prepares to shatter it]
Master Snelgrove: Stop! Holmes, have you gone mad? This is an antique!
[Holmes shatters the vase, revealing the stolen trophy]

Sherlock Holmes: Just have a quick look at these.
[hands Lestrade two obituaries]
Lestrade: A suicide and a carriage accident.
Sherlock Holmes: I suspect foul play.
Lestrade: Why? The two instances are completely unrelated.
Sherlock Holmes: Wrong. Both men graduated from the same university in 1809.
Lestrade: Coincidence.
Sherlock Holmes: Neither of their deaths fit their personalities. According to his obituary, Bobster was a happy man, content with his life, his career, his family. Why would he commit suicide? He didn't even leave a note. And Reverend Nesbitt is described by friends as "warm, loving, peaceful." And yet the carriage driver insists that he was crazed, insane, in a state of panic when he ran out into the street.
Lestrade: Holmes, a mere fluctuation of character is hardly sufficient evidence to begin an investigation. And if you want my advice, you'll keep your nose out of the Times and into your schoolbooks.
Sherlock Holmes: I appreciate your time, Mister Lestrade. I suggest you hold onto these.
[Lestrade shakes his head]
Sherlock Holmes: If I were a detective sergeant trapped in this room all day up to my neck in boring paperwork, I would be doing everything in my power to seek out that one case, that one investigation that would promote me to inspector.
Lestrade: [Irately] Good day, Holmes.

Older Watson: We immediately sprang into action, searching every nook and cranny for the cloth. I accidentally turned on one of Waxflatter's strange machines, and not being at all mechanically-minded, I had the dickens of a time trying to turn the thing off.
Elizabeth Hardy: I found it! I found it!
Older Watson: Holmes spent the entire night and the following day studying, examining, scrutinising the section of cloth. He conducted experiment after experiment. Not once did he stop for a rest. His energy seemed boundless. Following eighteen straight hours of work, Holmes turned to Elizabeth and myself, and those four familiar words shot from his lips.
Sherlock Holmes: The game is afoot!

Sherlock Holmes: [during a hallucination] Please don't cry, Mother. Please. Don't you understand, Mother? Can't you hear me? Can't you hear what I'm saying? Mother!
Mr. Holmes: You! This is all your fault, son! How could you do such a thing to me? To your own father? Spying on me!
Sherlock Holmes: Forgive me, Father. Please, I - I didn't realise.
Mr. Holmes: My private life is my own! Your mother need never have known!
Sherlock Holmes: No! No! No! This is not real! This is *not* real!

Cragwitch: [firing a shot at Holmes and Watson] Go away, Ramatep! Bloody murderers, go away! You won't get me!
Sherlock Holmes: Sir! Mister Cragwitch! We were friends of Mister Waxflatter!
Cragwitch: I know you! You're the youngster who followed me at the cemetery! Go away! I'm a dangerous man to be around!
Sherlock Holmes: I need your help! I want to know why the Ramatep killed five men!
Cragwitch: [reluctant pause] Go in!
Sherlock Holmes: You can get up now, Watson. The war's over.

Cragwitch: We were to become business partners, all six of us. Borrowed money from our fathers in building a hotel. It would be the most luxurious hotel ever conceived. And where but to build? Egypt. Labour and materials were inexpensive, and only a few years earlier, the British Army had driven out the French. It seemed a land of extreme opportunity.
Sherlock Holmes: What happened?
Cragwitch: We engaged an architect, and the work began... but what started out as a business venture soon became a major archaeological find. We discovered an underground pyramid. The ancient tombs of five Egyptian princesses. We removed all the relics and treasures, preparing to send them to England, but -
[Cragwitch is struck by a thorn]
Cragwitch: Ooh! Bloody insect. The place needs good cleaning. There was an uproar. All the villages in the area were convinced we'd desecrated sacred ground. Our lives were in danger. The British sent the troops in. Several people were killed.
[Stares into the fireplace]
Cragwitch: The entire village was burned to the ground. Burned... fire...
[Begins hallucinating]

Cragwitch: Yes, I mustn't forget. I must pass on this information. It's time someone else knew EVERYTHING!
Sherlock Holmes: The Egyptian village, has it been burned to the ground?
Cragwitch: Yes...
[sees candle flames, slams his hand angrily against his desk]
Cragwitch: Yes! YES! Luckily we got out of Egypt with our lives. When we returned to England, we went our separate ways, all of us, however, keeping in constant touch with Waxflatter through regular correspondence. When the murders began, I met quite frequently with my dear friend.
Sherlock Holmes: What does all this have to do with the Ramatep?
Cragwitch: [Hands Holmes a letter] Almost a year after the incident, each one of us received this letter. It was sent by a young boy, a young boy of Anglo-Egyptian descent. You'll notice that the letterhead is adorned by the symbol of the Ramatep, two golden serpents. The boy who wrote the letter and his sister were staying in England with their grandfather when they learned of the destruction of the Egyptian village, the village which was their home. Both their parents were killed in the attack. The boy vowed when he grew to manhood that the Ramatep would take their revenge and replace the bodies of the five Egyptian princesses.
Sherlock Holmes: And the boy was called Ehtar.
John Watson: Ehtar... those were Waxflatter's final words!
Sherlock Holmes: Very good, Watson.

Cragwitch: [hallucinating, attacks Holmes and tries to strangle him] EH TAR! You filthy murderer! You wanted to kill us all! Well you won't kill me!
Sherlock Holmes: Watson! Speak to him!
John Watson: What? Oh! Your... your name is Craddy Critchwit! I mean, your name is Ch-...! Your name is...! What's his name?
Sherlock Holmes: [Choking] Cragwitch!

Sherlock Holmes: Mister Lestrade! What are you doing here?
Lestrade: Oh, I accidentally stuck myself on one of those damn thorns. Goll, the hallucinations... ghastly. Took four policemen to stop me from hanging meself. Anyway, when it was over, I thought I better look into your story. Now, Holmes, I wish you and your podgy little friend farewell. I appreciate you getting me started on the case.

John Watson: Amazing, Holmes. Simply amazing. Of course, you did forget one very important clue.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh? Please enlighten me.
John Watson: Well, "Rathe" is "Ehtar" spelled backwards.
Sherlock Holmes: Very clever, Watson. Well, I'm certain I would have arrived at that conclusion sooner or later.
John Watson: [smiling] Sooner or later.

John Watson: Holmes, wait! I know why the bear is white!
Sherlock Holmes: And why is that, Watson?
John Watson: Well, the only room with an all-southern view would be at the North Pole. It's a polar bear!
Sherlock Holmes: Bravo, Watson. You have the makings of a great detective.

Sherlock Holmes: Sherlock Holmes, jealous? My dear, that word does not enter my vocabulary.
Elizabeth Hardy: Neither does punctuality.

Sherlock Holmes: A great detective relies on perception, intelligence, and imagination.
Lestrade: [amused] Where'd you get that rubbish from?
Sherlock Holmes: It's framed on the wall behind you.

[about the violin]
Sherlock Holmes: I should've mastered the damn thing by now.
John Watson: How long have you been playing?
Sherlock Holmes: Three days.

Sherlock Holmes: Why can't I think of anything?
John Watson: You're flustered. You must calm down.
Sherlock Holmes: Why can't you think of anything?
John Watson: I'm flustered.

[upon crashing through the floor]
Sherlock Holmes: This is an interesting development.

John Watson: That was a girl.
Sherlock Holmes: Brilliant deduction, Watson.

John Watson: Dudley is going to pay dearly for this. Punch to the jaw, jab to the ribs...
Sherlock Holmes: Now, now, Watson. Revenge is sweetest when it's served up cold. Come on.
[Dudley enters with snow-white hair]
Dudley: Holmes. You did this. You're responsible, aren't you?
Sherlock Holmes: So that's where I dropped my chemistry experiment: into your tea. Oh, don't worry, old chap. It'll wear off shortly. You should be back to normal - by summertime.

Sherlock Holmes: You can get up now, Watson. The war is over.

Sherlock Holmes: Someday we'll be reunited. In another world, a much better world.
Elizabeth Hardy: I'll be waiting. And you'll be late... as always.

Ehtar: You cannot beat me, Holmes. Throw down your sword.
Sherlock Holmes: Never. I would rather die a gruesome and horrible death.
Ehtar: Very well, then I will oblige.

[while flying]
Sherlock Holmes: I've just realised something.
John Watson: What?
Sherlock Holmes: I have absolutely no idea how to land this machine.

Sherlock Holmes: Mr. Lestrade?
Lestrade: Holmes. It's been a long time. Three, four days since your last visit?
Sherlock Holmes: I believe I'm on to something
Lestrade: Oh, not again.
Sherlock Holmes: This time I'm certain of it.
Lestrade: Really. Just like last month when you were convinced that the French ambassador had embezzled 300 thousand pounds from the Bank of England?
Sherlock Holmes: I was close. It was the Russian ambassador.

John Watson: Holmes, wait. What if the murderer is inside?
Sherlock Holmes: Then I shall introduce myself to him.

John Watson: What have I gotten myself into?
Sherlock Holmes: The adventure of a lifetime, Watson.

Lestrade: I despise your arrogance.
Sherlock Holmes: And I despise your laziness.

[Holmes is about to smash his violin]
John Watson: Stop! Isn't it valuable?
Sherlock Holmes: What's more important, its value or my sanity?

[Holmes and Elizabeth investigate a noise in the library, and find Watson on the floor, next to a ladder]
Sherlock Holmes: Elizabeth, let me introduce you to my new friend, the honourable, but clumsy, Watson.
John Watson: [standing up] The ladder's a bit wobbly.
Elizabeth Hardy: Hello.

[Holmes, Watson and Elizabeth are walking across the courtyard, when a voice causes them to look up]
Waxflatter: Holmes! Elizabeth! I think I have solved all of the problems!
John Watson: [looking up] Who's that?
Elizabeth Hardy: My Uncle.
Sherlock Holmes: Rupert T. Waxflatter. Retired schoolmaster, degrees in Chemistry and Biology, well versed in Philosophy, Mathematics and Physics. Author of 27 books.
[Holmes walks on]
Elizabeth Hardy: And most people think he's a lunatic.
[Elizabeth walks on]
John Watson: Why?
[Waxflatter launches his flying machine]
John Watson: Oh, my God!

[in order to obtain information about the blowpipe, Watson is forced to make a purchase from a curiosity shop]
Sherlock Holmes: Why on earth did you buy a pipe?
John Watson: It looks distinguished!
Sherlock Holmes: It's perfectly ridiculous!

[Holmes and Watson visit an Egyptian style Tavern]
Egyptian Tavern Owner: What can I get for you boys? Drink, food, women?
John Watson: Do you have any soup?
Sherlock Holmes: Watson, please!
[removing the blowpipe from his pocket]
Sherlock Holmes: Do you know anything about this?
Egyptian Tavern Owner: [looking at the blowpipe] Ramatep! Ramatep! Ramatep! Ramatep! Ramatep!
[the tavern falls silent]
John Watson: [turning to face Holmes] Is that the end of the song?

[after Elizabeth finds a scrap of cloth, she accompanies Holmes and Watson to a deserted building in Wapping]
John Watson: I knew it, there's no-one here. Back to school, eh?
Sherlock Holmes: Watson, you'll be on your own!

Sherlock Holmes: Answers without evidence are useless.

[Holmes and Watson visit an Egyptian style Tavern]
The Reverend Duncan Nesbitt: What can I get for you boys? Drink, food, women?
John Watson: Do you have any soup?
Sherlock Holmes: Watson, please!
[removing the blowpipe from his pocket]
Sherlock Holmes: Do you know anything about this?
The Reverend Duncan Nesbitt: [looking at the blowpipe] Rame Tep! Rame Tep! Rame Tep! Rame Tep! Rame Tep!
[the tavern falls silent]
John Watson: [turning to face Holmes] Is that the end of the song?

John Watson: My name is...
Sherlock Holmes: Wait - let me. Your name is James Watson. You're from the north, your father's a doctor, you spend much time writing, and you're fond of custard tarts. Am I correct?
John Watson: My name isn't James, it's John.
Sherlock Holmes: What's the difference?
John Watson: A great deal.
Sherlock Holmes: Very well, so your name is John. How did I do on the others?
John Watson: You were correct. On every count. How is it done? Is it some sort of magic trick?
Sherlock Holmes: No magic, Watson. Pure and simple deduction. The name-tag on your mattress reads "J Watson". I selected the most common name with "J". "John" was my second choice. Your shoes aren't made in the city. I've seen them before when visiting the north of England. Your left middle finger has a callus, the trademark of a writer. You were carrying a medical book not available to the general public, only to physicians. Since you can't have been to medical school, it was given to you by an older person, someone who is concerned for your health: Your father, the doctor.
John Watson: And the custard tarts?
Sherlock Holmes: Simple. There's a stain of yellow custard used in making tarts on your lapel, and your shape convinced me you've eaten many before.
John Watson: There's no need to be rude.

"Sherlock: The Sign of Three (#3.2)" (2014)
Sherlock Holmes: Imagine someone's going to get murdered at a wedding. Who exactly would you pick?
Mrs. Hudson: I think you're a popular choice at the moment, dear.

Sherlock Holmes: [to Molly] I want you to calculate John's ideal intake and mine to remain in the sweet spot the whole evening.

David: They're right about you. You're a bloody psychopath.
Sherlock Holmes: High-functioning sociopath. With your number.

Sherlock Holmes: [Sherlock and John are sitting on a bench opposite Royal Guards on duty] You think they give them classes?
Dr. John Watson: Classes?
Sherlock Holmes: How to resist the temptation to scratch their behinds.
Dr. John Watson: Afferent neurons in the peripheral nervous system. Bum itch.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh.

Mycroft Holmes: Oh, Sherlock. What do we say about coincidence?
Sherlock Holmes: The universe is rarely so lazy.

Janine: Do you always carry handcuffs?
Sherlock Holmes: Down, girl.

Mrs. Hudson: Your mother has a lot to answer for.
Sherlock Holmes: Hmm, I know. I have a list. Mycroft has a file.

Mrs. Hudson: It changes people, marriage.
Sherlock Holmes: Mmmm, no, it doesn't.
Mrs. Hudson: Well, you wouldn't understand 'cause you always live alone.
Sherlock Holmes: Your husband was executed for double murder. You're hardly an advert for companionship.
Mrs. Hudson: Marriage changes you as a person in ways that you can't imagine.
Sherlock Holmes: As does lethal injection.

[Sherlock commences the Best Man's speech at John's wedding]
Sherlock Holmes: Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends, and... um... others.
[He stammers uncertainly]
Sherlock Holmes: ... Also...
Dr. John Watson: Telegrams...
Sherlock Holmes: Right. Um... First things first: Telegrams. Although they're not actually telegrams, we just call them telegrams, I don't know why. Wedding tradition... Because we don't have enough of that already, apparently...
Sherlock Holmes: "To Mr. and Mrs. Watson: So sorry I'm unable to be with you on your special day. Good luck and best wishes. Mike Stamford."
Dr. John Watson: Ah, Mike...
Sherlock Holmes: "To John and Mary: All good wishes for your special day with love and many big..."
[chokes the cloying words out]
Sherlock Holmes: "... big squishy cuddles. From Stella and Ted."
[next telegram]
Sherlock Holmes: "Mary: Lots of love..."
Dr. John Watson: Yeah?
Sherlock Holmes: [with precise diction] "... poppet."
[John and Mary giggle]
Sherlock Holmes: "Oodles of love and heaps of good wishes, from Cam. Wish your family could have seen this."
[Mary's expression darkens momentarily]
Sherlock Holmes: [shuffling rapidly through remaining telegrams] Um, "Special day," "Very special day," "Love," "Love," "Love," "Love," "Love," bit of a theme, you get the general gist. People basically fond.

Sherlock Holmes: Basically, it's a cute smile to the bride's side, cute smile to the groom's side, and then the rings.
Pageboy: No.
Sherlock Holmes: And you have to wear the outfit.
Pageboy: No.
Sherlock Holmes: You really do have to wear the outfit.
Pageboy: What for?
Sherlock Holmes: Grownups like that sort of thing.
Pageboy: Why?
Sherlock Holmes: I don't know. I'll ask one.
Pageboy: You're a detective?
Sherlock Holmes: Yep.
Pageboy: Have you solved any murders?
Sherlock Holmes: Sure, loads.
Pageboy: Can I see?
Sherlock Holmes: Yeah, all right.
[both go to Sherlock's computer where he pulls up old cases]
Pageboy: What's all that stuff in his eye?
Sherlock Holmes: Maggots.
Pageboy: Cool.

Dr. John Watson: Sherlock, any chance of, uh... an end date for this speech? Gotta cut the cake.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh! Ladies and gentlemen, can't stand it when I finally get the chance to speak for once, Vatican Cameos.
Mary Morstan: What did he say? What doess that mean?
Dr. John Watson: attle stations, someone's going to die.

James Sholto: Mr. Holmes, you and I are similar, I think.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, I think we are.
James Sholto: There's a proper time to die, isn't there?
Sherlock Holmes: Of course there is.
James Sholto: And one should embrace it when it comes... Like a soldier.
Sherlock Holmes: Of course one should, but not at John's wedding! We wouldn't do that, would we, you and me? We would *never* do that to John Watson.

Mary Morstan: Solve it and he'll open the door, like he said.
Sherlock Holmes: I couldn't solve it before, how can I solve it now?
Mary Morstan: Because it matters now!
Sherlock Holmes: What are you talking about? What's she talking about? Get your wife under control.
Dr. John Watson: She's right.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, *you've* changed.
Dr. John Watson: No, she is. Shut up. You are not a puzzle-solver, you never have been. You're a drama queen. Now, there is a man in there about to die, the game is on,
Dr. John Watson: *solve it*!

Sherlock Holmes: Mary, when I say you deserve this man, it is the highest compliment of which I am capable.

Sherlock Holmes: So on to some funny stories about John. If you could all just cheer up a bit, that would... be better.

Major Reed: Is that what this is all about? Distracting me so that *this* man could get in here and kill Bainbridge?
Dr. John Watson: So I...
Sherlock Holmes: Kill him with what? Where's the weapon?
Major Reed: What?
Sherlock Holmes: Where's the weapon? Go on, search me, no weapon.
Dr. John Watson: Bainbridge was on parade. He came off duty five minutes ago. When's this supposed to have happened?
Major Reed: You obviously stabbed him before he got into the shower.
Sherlock Holmes: No.
Major Reed: No?
Sherlock Holmes: He's soaking wet and there's still shampoo in his hair. He got into the shower and then someone stabbed him.
Duty Sergeant: But the cubicle was locked from the inside, sir. I had to break it open.
Major Reed: Must have climbed over the top.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, then I'd be soaking wet, too, wouldn't I?

Sherlock Holmes: There was one feature and only one feature of interest in the whole of this baffling case and, quite frankly, it was the usual. John Watson. Who, while I was trying to solve the murder, instead saved a life.

Sherlock Holmes: I have an international reputation. Do you have an international reputation?
Dr. John Watson: No, I don't have an international reputation.
Sherlock Holmes: No. And I can't even remember what for. It's... crime. Something like that.

[playing a game of trying to guess the name stuck to their foreheads while they are drunk]
Dr. John Watson: Am I a woman?
[Sherlock laughs]
Dr. John Watson: What?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes.
Dr. John Watson: Am I... pretty?
[points to forehead]
Dr. John Watson: This.
Sherlock Holmes: Uh, beauty is a construct based entirely on childhood impressions, influences and role models.
Dr. John Watson: Yeah, but am I a pretty lady?
Sherlock Holmes: I don't know who you are. I don't know who you're supposed to be.
Dr. John Watson: You picked the name!
Sherlock Holmes: Yeah, but I picked it at random from the papers.
Dr. John Watson: You're not really getting the hang of this game, are you, Sherlock?

Sherlock Holmes: [Sherlock and John are both severely drunk] Don't compromise the integrity of the...
[Sherlock vomits on the carpet]
Dr. John Watson: ...crime scene.
[John puts his hand up for a high five]
Sherlock Holmes: [Sherlock lifts his head up and sways a bit] Yeah, that...
[Sherlock wipes some vomit from around his mouth]

Sherlock Holmes: [continuing with his best man's speech] If I burden myself with a little helpmate during my adventures, this is not out of sentiment or caprice, it is that he has many fine qualities of his own that he has overlooked in his obsession with me. Indeed, any reputation I have for mental acuity and sharpness comes, in truth, from the extraordinary contrast John so selflessly provides. It is a fact, I believe, that brides tend to favor exceptionally plain bridesmaids for their big day...
[Janine and the other bridesmaids look offended]
Sherlock Holmes: There is a certain analogy there, I feel. And contrast is, after all, God's own plan to enhance the beauty of his creation. Or it would be if God were not a ludicrous fantasy designed to provide a career opportunity for the family idiot...
[the minister looks offended. A mutter runs through the room]
Sherlock Holmes: The point I'm trying to make is that I am... the most unpleasant, rude, ignorant, and all-round obnoxious arsehole that anyone could possibly have the misfortune to meet. I am dismissive of the virtuous,
[looks at the Minister]
Sherlock Holmes: unaware of the beautiful,
[looks at Janine]
Sherlock Holmes: and uncomprehending in the face of the happy.
[looks towards John and Mary]
Sherlock Holmes: So if I didn't understand I was being asked to be best man, it is because I never expected to be anybody's best friend... And certainly not the best friend... of the bravest and kindest and wisest human being I have ever had the good fortune of knowing.

Sherlock Holmes: Why, WHY would he date all of those women and not return their calls.
Dr. John Watson: You're missing the obvious, mate.
Sherlock Holmes: Am I?
Dr. John Watson: He's a man.

Dr. John Watson: The telegrams.
Sherlock Holmes: Right, um... Mm... First things first. Telegrams. Well, they're not actually telegrams. We just call them telegrams, I don't know why. Wedding tradition... Because we don't have enough of that already, apparently.
Sherlock Holmes: [reading] "To Mr. and Mrs. Watson. So sorry I'm unable to be with you on your special day. Good luck and best wishes. Mike Stamford."
Dr. John Watson: Ah, Mike...
Mary Morstan: Aw.
Sherlock Holmes: [next telegram] "To John and Mary. All good wishes for your special day. With love and many big..."
Sherlock Holmes: "... big squishy cuddles from Stella and Ted."
Sherlock Holmes: [next telegram] "Mary, Lots of love...", Oh!
Dr. John Watson: Yeah?
Sherlock Holmes: [with precise diction] "... poppet."
[John and Mary giggle]
Sherlock Holmes: [next telegram] "Oodles of love and heaps of good wishes from Cam. Wish your family could have seen this."
[Mary's expression darkens momentarily]
Dr. John Watson: Hey, hmm?
Mary Morstan: Yep.
Sherlock Holmes: [shuffling rapidly through remaining telegrams] Um, "Special day." "Very special day." "Love." "Love." "Love." "Love." "Love." Bit of a theme, you get the general gist. People are basically fond.

Dr. John Watson: The best man.
Sherlock Holmes: The best man?
Dr. John Watson: What do you think?
Sherlock Holmes: Billy Kincaid.
Dr. John Watson: Sorry, what?
Sherlock Holmes: Billy Kincaid, the Camden garroter. Best man I ever knew. Vast contributions to charity never disclosed. Personally managed to save three hospitals from closure. And ran the best and safest children's homes in North England. Yes, every now and again there would be some garrotings, but stacking up the lives saved *against* the garrotings, on balance I'd say...
Dr. John Watson: [interrupts] For my wedding. For me. I need a best man.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, right.
Dr. John Watson: Maybe not a garroter.

Sherlock Holmes: I'm afraid, John, I can't congratulate you. All emotions, and in particular love, stand opposed to the pure cold reason I hold above all things. A wedding is, in my considered opinion, nothing short of a celebration of all that is false and specious and irrational and sentimental in this ailing and morally compromised world. Today we honor the deathwatch beetle that is the doom of our society and in time, one feels certain, our entire species.
[long pause]
Sherlock Holmes: But anyway, let's talk about John.

Sherlock Holmes: Most ghosts tend to haunt a single house. This ghost, however, is willing to commute.

Sherlock Holmes: Sorry, that was one more deduction than I was really expecting.
Mary Morstan: Deduction?
Sherlock Holmes: Increased appetite.
Mary Morstan: [flashback to earlier] I'm starving.
Sherlock Holmes: Change of taste perception.
Mary Morstan: [flashback to earlier] Ugh, I chose this wine. It's bloody awful.
Sherlock Holmes: You were sick this morning. You assumed it was just wedding doubts. You got angry with me when I mentioned it to you. All the signs are there.
Mary Morstan: The signs?
Sherlock Holmes: The signs of three.
Mary Morstan: What?
Sherlock Holmes: Mary, I think you should do a pregnancy test.

Sherlock Holmes: John, I am a ridiculous man. Redeemed only by the warmth and consistency of your friendship.

[last lines]
Dr. John Watson: This isn't a waltz, is it?
Mary Morstan: No.
Sherlock Holmes: Don't worry, Mary, I have been tutoring him.
Dr. John Watson: He did, you know. Baker Street, behind closed curtains. Mrs. Hudson came in one time. Don't know how those rumors started.

Mum: He said you had some pictures for him as a treat.
Sherlock Holmes: Er... yes, if he's, um, good.
Pageboy: Beheadings.
Sherlock Holmes: [quickly trying to change the subject] Lovely little village.
Mum: Hmm?
[to boy]
Mum: What did you say?

Sherlock Holmes: You look well.
Molly Hooper: I am.
Sherlock Holmes: How's...
[long pause as Sherlock tries to remember a name]
Sherlock Holmes: Tom?
Molly Hooper: Not a sociopath.
Sherlock Holmes: Still? Good.

Sherlock Holmes: Now, serviettes.
[pulls tray with two fancily folded napkins out from under coffe table]
Sherlock Holmes: Swan or Sydney Opera House?
Mary Morstan: Where did you learn to do that?
Sherlock Holmes: Many unexpected skills required in the field of criminal investigation.
Mary Morstan: Fibbing, Sherlock.
Sherlock Holmes: I once broke an alibi by demonstrating the exact severity of...
Mary Morstan: I'm not John. I can tell when you're fibbing.
Sherlock Holmes: Okay. I learnt it on YouTube.

Sherlock Holmes: Basically a cute smile to the bride's side, a cute smile to the groom's side, and then the rings.
Pageboy: No.
Sherlock Holmes: And you have to wear the outfit.
Pageboy: No.
Sherlock Holmes: You really do have to wear the outfit.
Pageboy: What for?
Sherlock Holmes: Grownups like that sort of thing.
Pageboy: Why?
Sherlock Holmes: I don't know. I'll ask one.
Pageboy: You're a detective.
Sherlock Holmes: Yep.
Pageboy: Have you solved any murders?
Sherlock Holmes: Sure. Loads.
Pageboy: Can I see?
Sherlock Holmes: Yeah, all right.
Pageboy: What's that in his eye?
Sherlock Holmes: Maggots.
Pageboy: Cool.

Dr. John Watson: Sherlock is there an end date for this speech?
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, John - he can't stand it when I get a chance to speak for once, VATICAN CAMEOS.
Major Reed: What? What did that mean?
Dr. John Watson: Battlestations. Someone's going to die.

Sgt Sally Donovan: Mr. Holmes, I think we're alike.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, I think we are.
Sgt Sally Donovan: And there's a proper time to die.
Sherlock Holmes: Of course there is.
Sgt Sally Donovan: And when it comes, one should embrace it. Like a soldier.
Sherlock Holmes: Of course one should - but not at John's wedding! We wouldn't do that, would we, you and me? We would NEVER do that to John Watson!

Major Reed: Solve the case!
Sherlock Holmes: What? I couldn't solve it before, what makes you think I can solve it now?
Major Reed: Because it matters now!
Sherlock Holmes: What are you talking about? What's she talking about? John, get control of your wife.
Dr. John Watson: She's right.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, you've changed.
Dr. John Watson: She's right. Shut up. You're not a puzzle-solver, you never have been. You're a drama queen. The stakes are high, the game is on, SOLVE IT!

Sherlock Holmes: Mary when I say you deserve this man, it is the highest compliment of which I am capable.

Sherlock Holmes: On to some funny stories about John. If you could all just cheer up a bit, that would be better.

Landlord: Is that what this is all about? Distracting me so he could kill Bainbridge?
Sherlock Holmes: Kill him with what? Where's the weapon? Go on, search me - no weapon.
Landlord: You obviously stabbed him before he got into the shower.
Sherlock Holmes: No.
Landlord: No?
Sherlock Holmes: He's soaking wet and there's shampoo in his hair - he was stabbed when he was already in the shower.
Vicky: It was locked from the inside, I had to break it open.
Dr. John Watson: Private Bainbridge just got off parade five minutes ago - when's this supposed to have happened
Landlord: You obviously climbed over the top.
Sherlock Holmes: Then I'd be soaking wet too, wouldn't I?

Sherlock Holmes: There was one feature and only one feature in the whole baffling case. John Watson. Who, while I was trying to solve a murder, instead saved a life.

Sherlock Holmes: I have an international reputation. Do you have an international reputation?
Dr. John Watson: Nope. I don't have an international reputation.
Sherlock Holmes: I don't even remember what for. Crime... something.

Dr. John Watson: Am I a woman?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes.
Dr. John Watson: Am I pretty?
Sherlock Holmes: Beauty is a construct based on childhood impressions, influences, and role models.
Dr. John Watson: But am I pretty?
Sherlock Holmes: I don't know. I don't know who you're supposed to be.
Dr. John Watson: You picked the name!
Sherlock Holmes: I picked it at random from the papers.
Dr. John Watson: You're not really getting the hang of this game, are you?

"Sherlock: The Abominable Bride (#4.0)" (2016)
Sherlock Holmes: Now. if you'll excuse me, I have a hanging in Wandsworth and I'd hate them to start without me.

Sherlock Holmes: [to Dr. Watson] And you're clearly acclimatized to never getting to the end of a sentence. We'll get along splendidly.

Boy: Did you catch a murderer, Mr. Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: Caught the murderer, still looking for the legs. I think we'll call it a draw.

Mrs. Hudson: Mr. Holmes. I do wish you'd let me know when you're planning to come home.
Sherlock Holmes: I hardly knew myself Mrs. Hudson. That's the trouble with dismembered country squires. They're notoriously difficult to schedule.

Mrs. Hudson: And I noticed you published another of your stories, Dr. Watson.
Dr. John Watson: Yes. Did you enjoy it?
Mrs. Hudson: No.
Dr. John Watson: Oh?
Mrs. Hudson: I never enjoy them.
Dr. John Watson: Why not?
Mrs. Hudson: Well, I never say anything do I? According to you, I just show people up the stairs and serve you breakfast.
Dr. John Watson: Well, within the narrative, that is, broadly speaking, your function.
Mrs. Hudson: My *what*?
Sherlock Holmes: Don't feel singled out, Mrs Hudson. I'm hardly in the dog one.
Dr. John Watson: The dog one?
Mrs. Hudson: I'm your landlady, not a plot device.
Dr. John Watson: D'you mean 'The Hound of the Baskervilles'?

Dr. John Watson: Good Lord.
Sherlock Holmes: [shouting to Mrs. Hudson who is downstairs] Mrs Hudson, there is a woman in my sitting room. Is it intentional?
Mrs. Hudson: [replying from downstairs] She's a client, said you were out, insisted on waiting.
Dr. John Watson: Would you, uh... care to sit down?
Sherlock Holmes: Didn't you ask her what she wanted?
Mrs. Hudson: You ask her!
Sherlock Holmes: Why didn't YOU ask her?
Mrs. Hudson: How could I, what with me not talking and everything?
Sherlock Holmes: Oh.
Sherlock Holmes: [to Dr. Watson] For god's sake, give her some lines, she's perfectly capable of starving us.

Sherlock Holmes: [to a new client] Good afternoon. I'm Sherlock Holmes, This is my friend and colleague, Dr. Watson. You may speak freely in front of him, as he rarely understands a word.

DI Lestrade: Mrs. Hudson didn't seem to be talking.
Sherlock Holmes: I fear she has branched into literary criticism by mean of satire. It is a distressing trend in the modern landlady.

Sherlock Holmes: Fear is wisdom in the face of danger. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

Dr. John Watson: [after DI Lestrade's recount of recent events] Extraordinary!
Mary Morstan: Impossible!
Sherlock Holmes: Superb! Suicide as street theatre; murder by corpse. Lestrade, you're spoiling us.

Dr. John Watson: Where are we going?
Sherlock Holmes: To the morgue. There's not a moment to lose - which one can so rarely say of the morgue.

DI Lestrade: I thought you understood everything.
Sherlock Holmes: Of course not. That would be an appalling waste of brain space. I specialize.

Sherlock Holmes: [to DI Lestrade] Pay Mrs. Hudson a visit on your way out. She likes to feel involved.

Dr. John Watson: [to Mycroft, regarding his eating habits] Well, now that you mention it, this level of consumption is incredibly injurious to your health, your heart...
Sherlock Holmes: No need to worry on that score, Watson.
Dr. John Watson: No?
Sherlock Holmes: There's only a large cavity where that organ should reside.
Mycroft Holmes: It's a family trait.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, I wasn't being critical.

Sherlock Holmes: May I ask, how is your husband this morning?
Lady Carmichael: He refuses to speak about the matter. Obviously I have urged him to leave the house.
Sherlock Holmes: No, no, he must stay exactly where he is.
Lady Carmichael: Well, you don't think he's in danger?
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, no, someone definitely wants to kill him, but that's good for us. You can't set a trap without bait.
Lady Carmichael: My husband is not bait, Mr. Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: No, but he could be if we play our cards right. Now listen: You must go home immediately. Dr Watson and I will follow on the next train. There's not a moment to lose. Sir Eustace is to die tonight.
Dr. John Watson: Holmes...
Sherlock Holmes: And we should... probably avoid that.
Dr. John Watson: Definitely.
Sherlock Holmes: [correcting himself] DEFINITELY avoid that.

Sherlock Holmes: Since when have you had any kind of imagination?
Dr. John Watson: Perhaps since I convinced the reading public that an unprincipled drug addict was some kind of gentleman hero.
Sherlock Holmes: ...Yes, now you come to mention it, that was quite impressive.

Sherlock Holmes: You may, however, rest assured there are no ghosts in this world... save those we make for ourselves.

Sherlock Holmes: Your wife can see worlds where no one else can see anything of value whatsoever.
Sir Eustace Carmichael: Can she really? And how do you "deduce" that, Mr. Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: She married you. I assume she was capable of finding a reason.

Sherlock Holmes: We all have a past, Watson. Ghosts. They are the shadows that define our every sunny day.

Sherlock Holmes: [annoyed by Watson's questions about his emotional life] Dear Lord, I have never been so impatient to be attacked by a murderous ghost.

DI Lestrade: [after a failed attempt by Sherlock to catch a murderer] You really mustn't blame yourself, you know.
Sherlock Holmes: No, you're quite right.
Dr. John Watson: I'm glad you're seeing sense.
Sherlock Holmes: Watson is equally culpable. Between us, we've managed to botch this whole case.

Sherlock Holmes: [angry, as Watson seems to believe in ghosts] Use your brain, such as it is, to eliminate the impossible, which in this case is the ghost, and observe what remains, which in this case is a solution so blindingly obvious even Lestrade could work it out!

Sherlock Holmes: [in his apartment, to Moriarty] For the sake of Mrs. Hudson's wallpaper, I must remind you that one false move with your finger and you will be dead.

Sherlock Holmes: I saw you die. Why aren't you dead?
Professor Moriarty: Because it's not the fall that kills you, Sherlock. Of all people, you should know that. It's not the fall. It's never the fall. It's the landing.

Sherlock Holmes: [when being confronted about his substance abuse] I'm not an addict, I'm a user. I alleviate boredom and occasionally heighten my thought processes.

Sherlock Holmes: Every great cause has martyrs. Every war has suicide missions, and, make no mistake, this is war. One half of the human race at war with the other. The invisible army hovering at our elbow, tending to our homes, raising our children, ignored, patronised, disregarded, not allowed so much as a vote, but an army nonetheless, ready to rise up in the best of causes, to put right an injustice as old as humanity itself. So you see, Watson, Mycroft was right. This is a war we must lose.

Sherlock Holmes: Moriarty's dead!
Professor Moriarty: Not in your mind. I'll never be dead there. You once called your brain a hard drive. Well, say hello to the virus.

Sherlock Holmes: Thank you, John.
Dr. John Watson: Since when do you call me John?
Sherlock Holmes: You'd be surprised.
Dr. John Watson: No, I wouldn't. Time you woke up, Sherlock. I'm a story-teller; I know when I'm in one.
Sherlock Holmes: Course. Of course you do, John.
Dr. John Watson: So what's he like? The other me, in the other place?
Sherlock Holmes: Smarter than he looks.
Dr. John Watson: Pretty damn smart, then.
Sherlock Holmes: Pretty damn smart.

Sherlock Holmes: Between you and me, John, I always survive a fall.
Dr. John Watson: But how?
Sherlock Holmes: Elementary, my dear Watson.

Sherlock Holmes: Moriarty is dead, no question. More importantly, I know exactly what he's gonna do next.

Mycroft Holmes: Sherlock, listen to me...
Sherlock Holmes: No, it only encourages you.
Mycroft Holmes: I'm not angry with you.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, that's a relief, I was really worried. No... hold on, I really wasn't.
Mycroft Holmes: I was there for you before. I'll be there for you again. I'll always be there for you. This was my fault.
Sherlock Holmes: It was nothing to do with you.
Mycroft Holmes: A week in a prison cell, I should have realised.
Sherlock Holmes: Realised what?
Mycroft Holmes: That, in your case, solitary confinement is locking you up with your worst enemy.

Dr. John Watson: Holmes, could it have been twins?
Sherlock Holmes: No.
Dr. John Watson: Why not?
Sherlock Holmes: Because it's never twins.
DI Lestrade: Emilia was not a twin, nor did she have any sisters. She had one older brother who died four years ago.
Dr. John Watson: Mm-m-m-m. Maybe it was a secret twin.
Sherlock Holmes: A WHAT?
Dr. John Watson: A secret twin? Mm? You know? A twin that nobody knows about? This whole thing could have been planned.
Sherlock Holmes: Since the moment of conception? How breathtakingly prescient of her. It is never twins, Watson!

Sherlock Holmes: [after Watson corrects his deduction] My Boswell is learning. They do grow up so fast.

Sherlock Holmes: Then, come, Watson, come. The game is afoot.

[last lines]
Dr. John Watson: As for your own... tale, are you sure it's still just a seven percent solution that you take? I think you may have increased the dosage.
Sherlock Holmes: Perhaps I was being a little fanciful, but perhaps such things could come to pass. In any case, I know I would be very much at home in such a world.
Dr. John Watson: Huh! Don't think I would be.
Sherlock Holmes: I beg to differ, but then I've always known I was a man out of his time.

Dr. John Watson: Tweeds in a morgue?
Sherlock Holmes: Needs must when the devil drives, Watson.

Sherlock Holmes: I hope to see you again in the morning.
Sir Eustace Carmichael: You will not!
Sherlock Holmes: Then, sadly, I shall be solving your murder. Good day.

Sherlock Holmes: Controlled usage is not usually fatal, and abstinence is not immortality.

Dr. John Watson: I... I thought I was losing you. I thought perhaps we were... neglecting each other.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, you're the one who moved out.
Dr. John Watson: [exasperated] I was talking to Mary.

Dr. John Watson: But she can't have been in two places at the same time, can she?
Sherlock Holmes: No Watson, one place is strictly the limit for the recently deceased.

Dr. John Watson: Sherlock, hang on, explain. Moriarty's alive, then?
Sherlock Holmes: I never said he was alive, I said he was back.
Mary Watson: So he's dead?
Sherlock Holmes: Of course he's dead, he blew his own brains out, no-one survives that. I just went to the trouble of an overdose to prove it. Moriarty is dead, no question. But more importantly, I know exactly what he's going to do next...
[theme tune begins as he jumps into his car]

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (2011)
[from trailer]
Professor Moriaty: Are you sure you want to play this game?
Sherlock Holmes: I'm afraid you'd lose.

[from trailer]
Sherlock Holmes: I'm knee-deep in the single most important case of my career.

Dr. John Watson: Oh, how I've missed you, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: Have you? Why? I've barely noticed your absence.

[from trailer]
Sherlock Holmes: [looks at Watson's gun] Get that out of my face.
Dr. John Watson: It's not in your face; it's in my hand.
Sherlock Holmes: Get what's in your hand out of my face!

[from trailer]
Dr. John Watson: [seeing Holmes's drag outfit] What?
Sherlock Holmes: I agree it's not my best disguise.

[from trailer]
Sherlock Holmes: [getting ready to be shot at] Make it count!

[after Holmes throws Mary off the train, Watson turns around and sees his wife gone]
Sherlock Holmes: It had to be done. She's safe now! In my own defense, I timed it perfectly-!
[Watson lunges at him and starts throttling him]
Dr. John Watson: Did you kill my wife?
Sherlock Holmes: [muffled, tries to respond]
Sherlock Holmes: [forces Watson's hand away] Of course not!
Dr. John Watson: What do you mean? How do you know that, when you just threw her off a train?
Sherlock Holmes: I told you, I timed it perfectly!
Dr. John Watson: What does that mean?
Sherlock Holmes: Calm down!
Dr. John Watson: Explain!
Sherlock Holmes: By the time I explained, we'd both be dead!

Dr. John Watson: [as he watches Sherlock drinking embalming fluid] You're drinking embalming fluid?
Sherlock Holmes: [exhales] Yes. Care for a drop?
Dr. John Watson: You do seem...
Sherlock Holmes: Excited?
Dr. John Watson: Manic.
Sherlock Holmes: I am.
Dr. John Watson: Verging on...
Sherlock Holmes: Ecstatic?
Dr. John Watson: Psychotic.
Dr. John Watson: [pause] I should've brought you a sedative.

Sherlock Holmes: [referring to Moriarty] If we can stop him, we shall prevent the collapse of Western civilization... No pressure.

Sherlock Holmes: [dancing with Simza] Just follow my lead.

Sherlock Holmes: [lights pipe]
Dr. John Watson: What are we doing down here?
Sherlock Holmes: *We* are waiting. *I* am smoking.

Sherlock Holmes: Uh, hmm... Right. Where are the wagons?
Madam Simza Heron: The wagon is too slow. Can't you ride?
Dr. John Watson: It's not that he can't ride... How is it you put it, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: They're dangerous at both ends and... crafty in the middle. Why would I want anything with a mind of its own bobbing about between my legs?

[repeated line]
Sherlock Holmes: [riding a pony] Slow and steady wins the race.

Dr. John Watson: How did you know I would find you?
Sherlock Holmes: You didn't find me. You collapsed a building on me.

[Holmes has arrived at the auction and is trying to defuse the motion-sensitive bomb intended for Dr. Hoffmanstahl]
Sherlock Holmes: One million pounds! Oh, and by the way, fire.

[Holmes detects that an assassin is hiding on the ceiling and preparing to kill Simza; he compares taking the man out to preparing an omelet]
Sherlock Holmes: [voice-over] First, pillage the nest. Clip wings. Now, blunt his beak. Crack eggs. Scramble, pinch of salt. Touch of pepper. Flip the omelet. Additional seasoning required. Breakfast is served.

Dr. John Watson: He's after us, because of you!
Sherlock Holmes: Don't be so petulant about it.

Madam Simza Heron: What do you see?
Sherlock Holmes: Everything. That is my curse.

Sherlock Holmes: You have the supply, new you require the demand. A war with everyone... a world war.

Sherlock Holmes: Madam, this is a glorious hedgehog goulash. I can't remember ever having had better.
Dr. John Watson: Do tell me, when was the last time you had a hedgehog goulash?
Sherlock Holmes: I told you, Watson, I can't remember.
Dr. John Watson: [whispered] Perhaps you've repressed it.
Sherlock Holmes: [chuckles] That's where we differ. Unlike you, I repress nothing.
Dr. John Watson: Perfectly normal.
Sherlock Holmes: How dare you be rude to this women who has invited us into her tent, offered us her hedgehog?
Dr. John Watson: Says the man who throws women from trains.

Sherlock Holmes: We get to have that game, after all.

Sherlock Holmes: [referring to his disguise] It's so overt it's covert.

Sherlock Holmes: [regarding his dislike of having to ride horses] It's 1891, we could have charted a balloon!

Sherlock Holmes: [after they finish a short waltz] Who taught you to dance like that?
Dr. John Watson: [with a smile of reminiscence] You did.

Sherlock Holmes: Who's been dancing on my chest?

[Holmes is looking at Moriarty and starts analyzing the upcoming fight]
Sherlock Holmes: [v.o] His advantage, my injury. My advantage, his rage. Incoming assault feral, but experienced. Use his momentum to counter.
[as Holmes hits Moriarty in the face, everything stops and the audience watches Moriarty's face]
Professor Moriaty: [v.o] Come now, you really think you're the only one who can play this game?
[Back to the analyzed fight]
Professor Moriaty: Trap arm, target weakness. Follow with haymaker.
Sherlock Holmes: Ah, there we find the boxing champion of Cambridge.
[Holmes throws a hook at Moriarty's face]
Professor Moriaty: Competent, but predictable. Now, allow me to reply.
[Moriarty throws several punches at Holmes' shoulder]
Sherlock Holmes: Arsenal running dry. Adjust strategy.
[Holmes tries to kick Moriarty but fails]
Professor Moriaty: Wound taking its toll.
Sherlock Holmes: As I feared. Injury makes defense untenable. Prognosis, increasingly negative.
[Moriarty corners Holmes against the edge of the cliff]
Professor Moriaty: Let's not waste any more of one another's time. We both know how this ends.
[Moriarty throws Holmes over the balcony and the scene cuts back to the real time]
Sherlock Holmes: Conclusion: inevitable. Unless...
[Holmes blows ashes from his pipe into Moriarty's face, grabs him, and topples them both over the balcony, down the falls]

Sherlock Holmes: [whistling A Little Night Music and stops] I forgot the rest!
[gets strangled]
Sherlock Holmes: Ah, it's coming back.

Sherlock Holmes: Are you familiar with the study of graphology?
Professor Moriaty: I have never given it any serious thought, no.
Sherlock Holmes: The psychological analysis of handwriting. The upwards strokes on the p, the j, the m indicate a genius level intellect. The flourishes on the lower zone denote a highly creative yet meticulous nature. But if one observes the overall slant and pressure of the handwriting there is a suggestion of acute narcissism, a complete lack of empathy, and pronounced inclination toward...
Professor Moriaty: No!
Sherlock Holmes: ...moral insanity.

Dr. John Watson: Holmes, how did you know I would find you?
Sherlock Holmes: You didn't find me, you collapsed a building on me.

Sherlock Holmes: Lie down with me Watson.

[after Holmes's booby-trap drives back Moriarty's assassins on the train]
Sherlock Holmes: That was no accident. It was by design. Now, do you need me to elaborate... or can we just crack on?

Sherlock Holmes: Did you call me a selfish bastard?
Dr. John Watson: Probably.

Dr. John Watson: I'm on my honeymoon!
[Watson kicks Holmes on the bum]
Dr. John Watson: Why did you lead them here! Why did you involve us?
Sherlock Holmes: They're not here for me they are here for you! Fortunately... so am I.

Professor Moriaty: Rest assured, if you attempt to bring destruction down upon me, I shall do the same to you. My respect for you, Mr. Holmes, is the only reason you are still alive.
Sherlock Holmes: You've paid me several compliments. Let me pay you one in return when I say that, if I were assured of the former eventuality, I would cheerfully accept the latter.

Sherlock Holmes: Dear, dear, sickly sweet Nanny. Might I have a word?
[He uncovers the tray in her hands, revealing white rats under glass]
Sherlock Holmes: Yummy. Feed the snake, woman.
Mrs. Hudson: You feed it!
Sherlock Holmes: Touchy, touchy.

Mrs. Hudson: Doctor, you must get him to a sanatorium. He's been on a diet of coffee, tobacco, and coca leaves. He never sleeps. I hear multiple voices as if he's rehearsing for a play...
Dr. John Watson: Leave him to me.
Sherlock Holmes: [appears next to her] Don't you have a goat that needs worming?
[goat lows]
Mrs. Hudson: Oh, how kind of you to remind me. So much to look forward to. What would I do without you?

Sherlock Holmes: Herr Hoffmanstahl, you should count yourself lucky. This faceless man with whom you find yourself in business is no ordinary criminal. He's the Napoleon of crime. Fortunately, you now have me as an ally. I'm a consulting detective of some repute. Perhaps you've heard of me? My name is Sherlock...
[muffled explosion]
Sherlock Holmes: [Holmes coughs/clears his throat] ... Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes: What better place to start a war than a peace summit?

Sherlock Holmes: [to Moriarity] My horror at your crimes is matched only by my admiratio of the skill it took to achieve them.

"Sherlock: The Hounds of Baskerville (#2.2)" (2012)
Sherlock Holmes: [covered head to toe in blood, holding a harpoon] Well, that was tedious!
Dr. John Watson: You went on the Tube like that?
Sherlock Holmes: None of the *cabs* would take me.

Henry Knight: It's a strange place, the Hollow. Makes you feel so cold inside, so afraid.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, if I wanted poetry, I'd read John's emails to his girlfriends. Much funnier.

Sherlock Holmes: Boring! Goodbye, Mr. Knight. Thank you for smoking.

Sherlock Holmes: I'll take the case.
Dr. John Watson: Sorry, what?
Sherlock Holmes: Thank you for bringing this to my attention. It's very promising.
Dr. John Watson: No, no, no. Sorry, what? A minute ago footprints were boring, now they're very promising?
Sherlock Holmes: It's got nothing to do with footprints. As ever, John, you weren't listening.

Dr. John Watson: What're you talking about, you're busy? You don't have a case. A minute ago you were complaining...
Sherlock Holmes: Bluebell, John! I've got Bluebell. The case of the vanishing glow-in-the-dark rabbit. NATO's in uproar.

[as Holmes and Watson leave their apartment, they see Mrs. Hudson in the sandwich shop, shouting angrily at the owner]
Dr. John Watson: Looks like Mrs. Hudson finally got to the wife in Doncaster.
Sherlock Holmes: Hmm. Wait till she finds out about the one in Islamabad.

Sherlock Holmes: Nice touch.
Dr. John Watson: Haven't pulled rank in ages.
Sherlock Holmes: Enjoy it?
Dr. John Watson: Oh, yeah.

Sherlock Holmes: So we know that Dr. Stapleton performs secret genetic experiments on animals. The question is, has she been working on something deadlier than a rabbit?
Dr. John Watson: To be fair, that is quite a wide field.

Sherlock Holmes: [via text] Henry's therapist currently in Cross Keys Pub. S
Dr. John Watson: [via text] So?
Sherlock Holmes: [via text] Interview her?
Dr. John Watson: [via text] Why should I?
[texts John a picture of the very attractive therapist]
Dr. John Watson: Oh, you're a bad man.

Sherlock Holmes: Morning! Oh, how are you feeling?
Henry Knight: I'm... I didn't sleep very well.
Sherlock Holmes: That's a shame. Shall I make you some coffee? Oh, look. You've got damp!

Sherlock Holmes: How about Louise Mortimer? Did you get anywhere with her?
Dr. John Watson: No.
Sherlock Holmes: Too bad. Did you get any information?
Dr. John Watson: Hm? You're being funny now?
Sherlock Holmes: Thought it might break the ice... a bit.
Dr. John Watson: Funny doesn't suit you. I'd stick to ice.

Sherlock Holmes: Listen, what I said before, John, I meant it. I don't have friends. I've just got one.
Dr. John Watson: [pause] Right.

Sherlock Holmes: John? John! You are *amazing*! You are *fantastic*!
Dr. John Watson: Yes, all right. You don't have to overdo it.
Sherlock Holmes: You've never been the most luminous of people, but as a conductor of light, you are unbeatable.
Dr. John Watson: Cheers. What?
Sherlock Holmes: Some people who aren't geniuses have an amazing ability to stimulate it in others.
Dr. John Watson: Hang on, you were saying sorry a minute ago. Don't spoil it. Go on. What have I done that's so bloody stimulating?

Sherlock Holmes: Get out. I need to go to my mind palace.

Dr. John Watson: [Mrs Hudson leaves the apartment] What the bloody hell was all that about?
Sherlock Holmes: [sighs] You don't understand.
Dr. John Watson: Go after her and apologise.
Sherlock Holmes: Apologise?
Dr. John Watson: Hm.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, John, I envy you so much.
Dr. John Watson: You envy me?
Sherlock Holmes: Your mind. it's so placid, straightforward, barely used. Mine's like an engine, racing out of control. A rocket, t-tearing itself to pieces, trapped on the launch pad.
Sherlock Holmes: I need a case!
Dr. John Watson: [shouts] You've just solved one. By harpooning a dead pig, apparently.
Sherlock Holmes: Ghaaah. That was this morning. When's the next one?

Sherlock Holmes: [turns the TV off] What did you see?
Henry Knight: [points to the TV] Oh, I... I was just about to say.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, in a TV interview. I prefer to do my own editing.
Henry Knight: Yes. Sorry, yes, of course. Excuse me.
[blows his nose]
Dr. John Watson: In your own time.
Sherlock Holmes: But quite quickly.

Sherlock Holmes: We're looking for a dog, yes? A great big dog. That's your brilliant theory. Cherchez le chien. Good. Excellent. Yes. Where shall we start? How about them? The sentimental widow and her son, the unemployed fisherman? The answer's yes.
Dr. John Watson: Yes?
Sherlock Holmes: She's got a West Highland terrier called Whisky. Not exactly what we're looking for.
Dr. John Watson: Sherlock, for God's sake.
Sherlock Holmes: Look at the jumper he's wearing, hardly worn. Clearly he's uncomfortable in it. Maybe it's because of the material; more likely the hideous pattern. Suggests it's a present. Probably Christmas. So, he wants into his mother's good books. Why? Almost certainly money. He's treating her to a meal, but his own portion is small. That means he wants to impress her, but he's trying to economize on his own food.
Dr. John Watson: Well, maybe he's just not hungry.
Sherlock Holmes: No. Small plate. Starter. He's practically licked it clean. She's nearly finished her pavlova. If she'd treated him, he'd have had as much as he wanted. He's hungry, all right. And not well off. You can tell that by the state of his cuffs and shoes.
[Imitating John:]
Sherlock Holmes: "How do you know she's his mother?" Who else would give him a Christmas present like that? Well, it could be an aunt or an older sister, but mother's more likely. Now, he was a fisherman. The scarring pattern on his hands is very distinctive. Fish hooks. They're all quite old now, which suggests he's been unemployed for some time. Not much industry in this part of the world, so he's turned to his widowed mother for help.
[Again, imitating John:]
Sherlock Holmes: "Widowed?" Yes. Obviously. She's got a man's wedding ring on a chain around her neck, clearly her late husband's and too big for her finger. She's well-dressed but her jewellery's cheap. She could afford better, but she's kept it. Sentimental. Now, the dog. Tiny little hairs all over the leg from where it gets a little bit too friendly. But no hairs above the knees, suggesting it's a small dog, probably a terrier. In fact, it is a West Highland terrier called Whisky.
[Once again, imitating John:]
Sherlock Holmes: "How the hell do you know that, Sherlock?" 'Cause she was on the same train as us and I heard her calling its name. And that's not cheating, that's listening. I use my senses, John, unlike some people. So you see, I am fine. In fact, I've never been better, so just *leave me alone*!

Sherlock Holmes: Twenty-year-old disappearance? A monstrous hound? I wouldn't miss this for the world!

Dr. Stapleton: Oh, back again? What's on your mind this time?
Sherlock Holmes: Murder, Dr. Stapleton. Refined, cold-blooded murder.

Dr. John Watson: We'll get caught.
Sherlock Holmes: No, we won't. Well, not just yet.
Dr. John Watson: Caught in five minutes. "Oh, hi. We just thought we'd come and wander round your top-secret weapons base." "Really? Great! Come in, kettle's just boiled." That's if we don't get shot.

Dr. John Watson: Nothing on the website?
Sherlock Holmes: [hands John his laptop] "Dear Mr. Sherlock Holmes, I can't find Bluebell anywhere. Please, please, please, can you help?"
Dr. John Watson: Bluebell?
Sherlock Holmes: A rabbit, John!
Dr. John Watson: Oh.
Sherlock Holmes: Ah, but there's more! Before Bluebell disappeared, it turned luminous. "Like a fairy," according to little Kirsty. Then the next morning, Bluebell was gone! Hutch still locked, no sign of a forced entry. What am I saying? This is brilliant. Phone Lestrade, tell him there's an escaped rabbit.
Dr. John Watson: You serious?

Sherlock Holmes: It's this or Cluedo.
Dr. John Watson: Ah, no. We are never playing that again.
Sherlock Holmes: Why not?
Dr. John Watson: Because it's not actually possible for the victim to have done it, Sherlock, that's why!
Sherlock Holmes: It's the only possible solution.
Dr. John Watson: It's not in the rules.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, then the rules are wrong!

[Sherlock tears through the apartment, looking for cigarettes]
Sherlock Holmes: Tell me where they are. Please. Tell me.
Sherlock Holmes: Please.
Dr. John Watson: Can't help, sorry.
Sherlock Holmes: I'll let you know next week's lottery numbers.
[John chuckles]
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, it was worth a try.

[about exposure to the chemical weapon at Baskerville]
Dr. John Watson: Any long-term effects?
Sherlock Holmes: None at all. You'll be fine once you've excreted it. We all will.
Dr. John Watson: Hmm... think I might have taken care of that already.

Sherlock Holmes: No, wait. What happened last night, something happened to me, something I've not really experienced before.
Dr. John Watson: Yes, you said. Fear. "Sherlock Holmes got scared," you said.
Sherlock Holmes: No, no, no. It was more than that, John. It was doubt. I felt doubt. Always been able to trust my senses, the evidence of my own eyes, until last night.

[Doorbell rings]
Dr. John Watson: Single ring.
Sherlock Holmes: Maximum pressure, just under the half-second.
Dr. John Watson, Sherlock Holmes: [simultaneously] Client.

Henry Knight: [bitterly] I'm not sure you can help me, Mr. Holmes, since you find it all so *funny*.
Sherlock Holmes: Because of what happened last night.
Dr. John Watson: Why? What happened last night?
Henry Knight: [pause] How... how do you know?
Sherlock Holmes: I didn't know, I noticed. Came up from Devon on the first available train this morning. You had a disappointing breakfast and a cup of black coffee. The girl in the seat across the aisle fancied you. Although you were initially keen, you've now changed your mind. You are, however, extremely anxious to have your first cigarette of the day. Sit down Mr. Knight. And do please smoke. I'd be delighted.
Henry Knight: [long pause as Henry comes back slowly and sits] How on earth did you notice all that?
Dr. John Watson: It's not important.
Sherlock Holmes: Punched out holes where your ticket's been checked.
Dr. John Watson: Not now, Sherlock.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, please? I've been cooped up in here for ages.
Dr. John Watson: You're just showing off.
Sherlock Holmes: Of course. I am a show-off. That's what we do. Train napkin used to mop up the spilled coffee, strength of the stain shows that you didn't take milk. There are traces of ketchup on it and round your lips and on your sleeve. Cooked breakfast. Or the nearest thing those trains can manage, probably a sandwich.
Henry Knight: [chuckles nervously] How did you know it was... disappointing?
Sherlock Holmes: Is there any other type of breakfast on a train? The girl, female handwriting's quite distinctive, wrote her phone number down on the napkin. I can tell from the angle she wrote at that she was sat across from you on the other side of the aisle. Later, after she got off, I imagine, you used the napkin to mop up your spilled coffee, accidentally smudging the numbers. You've been over the last four digits yourself in another pen so you wanted to keep the number. Just now, though, you used the napkin to blow your nose. Maybe you're not that into her after all. Then there's the nicotine stains on your fingers, your shaking fingers. I know the signs. No chance to smoke one on the train, no time to roll one before you got a cab here. It's just after 9:15, you're desperate. The first train from Exeter to London leaves at 5:46 AM. You got the first one possible, so something important must have happened last night. Am I wrong?
Henry Knight: [pause] No. You're right. You're... You're completely, exactly right. Bloody hell, I heard you were quick.
Sherlock Holmes: It's my job. Now shut up and smoke.

Sherlock Holmes: I never did ask, Dr. Frankland. What exactly is it that you do here?
Dr. Frankland: Ah, Mr. Holmes, I would *love* to tell you, but then, of course, I'd have to kill you.
Sherlock Holmes: That would be tremendously ambitious of you.

Sherlock Holmes: What the hell are you doing here?
DI Lestrade: Oh, nice to see you, too. I'm on holiday, would you believe?
Sherlock Holmes: No. I wouldn't.
DI Lestrade: Hello, John.
Dr. John Watson: Greg.
DI Lestrade: I heard you were in the area. What are you up to? You after this Hound of Hell, like on the telly?
Sherlock Holmes: I'm waiting for an explanation, Inspector. Why are you here?
DI Lestrade: I've told you, I'm on holiday.
Sherlock Holmes: You're brown as a nut. You're clearly just back from your holidays.
DI Lestrade: Maybe I'd fancied another one.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, this is Mycroft, isn't it?
DI Lestrade: Now, look...
Sherlock Holmes: Of course it is. One mention of Baskerville and he sends down my handler to-to spy on me, incognito. Is that why you're calling yourself Greg?
Dr. John Watson: That's his name.
Sherlock Holmes: Is it?
DI Lestrade: Yes... if you'd ever bother to find out. Look, I'm not your handler. And I don't just do what your brother tells me.

Major Barrymore: I don't know what it is you expect to find here anyway.
Sherlock Holmes: Perhaps the truth.
Major Barrymore: About what? Oh, I see. The big coat should have told me. You're one of the conspiracy lot, aren't you? Well, then, go ahead, seek them out - the monsters, the death rays, the aliens...
Sherlock Holmes: You got any of those? Oh, just wondering.
Major Barrymore: A couple. Crash-landed here in the sixties. We call them Abbott and Costello.

Dr. Frankland: This is about Henry Knight, isn't it?
Dr. Frankland: I thought so. Oh, I knew he wanted help, but... I didn't realize he was going to contact Sherlock Holmes. Oh, don't worry, I know who you really are. I'm never off your website. Thought you'd be wearing the hat, though.
Sherlock Holmes: That wasn't my hat.
Dr. Frankland: [to John] I hardly recognized him without the hat.
Sherlock Holmes: It wasn't my hat.
Dr. Frankland: I love the blog, too, Dr. Watson.
Dr. John Watson: Oh, cheers.

Henry Knight: Why didn't you just kill me?
Sherlock Holmes: Because dead men get listened to. He needed to do more than kill you. He had to discredit every word you ever said about your father. And he had the means right at his feet. A chemical minefield! Pressure pads in the ground, dosing you up every time that you came back here. Murder weapon and scene of the crime, all at once.
Sherlock Holmes: This case, Henry. Thank you. It's been brilliant.
Dr. John Watson: Sherlock.
Sherlock Holmes: What?
Dr. John Watson: Timing.
Sherlock Holmes: Not good?

Dr. John Watson: Oh, please. C-can we not do this, this time?
Sherlock Holmes: Do what?
Dr. John Watson: You, being all, uh, mysterious with your... cheekbones, and turning your coat collar up so you look cool.
Sherlock Holmes: I don't do that.
Dr. John Watson: Yeah, you do.

Henry Knight: Are you laughing at me, Mr. Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: Why? Are you joking?

Dr. John Watson: Sherlock's got a plan?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes.
Henry Knight: Right.
Sherlock Holmes: We take you back onto the moor...
Henry Knight: Okay.
Sherlock Holmes: ...see if anything attacks you.
Dr. John Watson: What?
Sherlock Holmes: That should bring things to a head.

Sherlock Holmes: Listen, if there is a monster out there, John, there's only one thing to do: find out where it lives.

Dr. John Watson: You can't actually believe that you saw some kind of monster.
Sherlock Holmes: No, I can't believe that, but I did see it, so the question is - how? How?

Sherlock Holmes: I use my senses, John, unlike some people. So you see, I am fine. In fact, I've never been better. So just *leave me alone*!
Dr. John Watson: [offended] Yeah. Okay. Okay. Why would you listen to me. I'm just your friend.
Sherlock Holmes: I don't have *friends*!
Dr. John Watson: No. I wonder why?
[flounces out]

"Sherlock: The Empty Hearse (#3.1)" (2014)
Mrs. Hudson: Oh, I'm really pleased, Mary. Have you set a date?
Mary Morstan: Uh, well, we thought May.
Mrs. Hudson: Ah, a spring wedding.
Mary Morstan: Yeah. Well, once we've actually got engaged.
Dr. John Watson: Yeah.
Mary Morstan: We were interrupted last time.
Dr. John Watson: Yeah.
DI Lestrade: Well, I can't wait.
Mary Morstan: You will be there, Sherlock?
Sherlock Holmes: Weddings - not really my thing.

Sherlock Holmes: [voiced from the darkness as Lestade lights a cigarette] Those things will kill you.
DI Lestrade: [long pause with recognition] Oh, you bastard.

Sherlock Holmes: And what about John Watson?
Mycroft Holmes: John?
Sherlock Holmes: Mm. Have you seen him?
Mycroft Holmes: [sarcastically] Oh, yes, we meet up every Friday for fish and chips.

Sherlock Holmes: I think... I'll surprise John. He'll be delighted.
Mycroft Holmes: You think so?
Sherlock Holmes: Hmm, pop into Baker Street, who knows, jump out of a cake.
Mycroft Holmes: Baker Street? He isn't there anymore.
[Sherlock turns to face Mycroft with a puzzled look]
Mycroft Holmes: Why would he be? It's been two years. He's got on with his life.
Sherlock Holmes: What life? I've been away.

Dr. John Watson: I'm definitely going to kill you.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, please. Killing me, that's so two years ago.

Mycroft Holmes: [loses game] Oh, bugger!
Sherlock Holmes: Oopsy. Can't handle a broken heart. How *very* telling.
Mycroft Holmes: Don't be smart.
Sherlock Holmes: That takes me back.
[mocking Mycroft]
Sherlock Holmes: "Don't be smart, Sherlock, I'm the smart one."
Mycroft Holmes: I *am* the smart one.
Sherlock Holmes: I used to think I was an idiot.
Mycroft Holmes: Both of us thought you were an idiot, Sherlock. We had nothing else to go on, till we met other children.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, yes, that was a mistake.
Mycroft Holmes: Ghastly. What were they thinking of?
Sherlock Holmes: Probably something about trying to make friends.
Mycroft Holmes: Oh, yes. *Friends*.

Mary Morstan: Oh, no, you're...
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, yes.
Mary Morstan: Oh, my god.
Sherlock Holmes: Not quite.

Dr. John Watson: Mind palace!
Sherlock Holmes: Hmm?
Dr. John Watson: Use your mind palace!
Sherlock Holmes: How will that help?
Dr. John Watson: You've salted away every fact under the sun!
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, what, and you think I've just got "how to defuse a bomb" tucked away in there somewhere?
Dr. John Watson: *Yes*!
Sherlock Holmes: ...maybe.

Sherlock Holmes: Moriarty slipped up, He made a mistake... Because the one person he thought didn't matter at all to me... was the one person who mattered the most. You made it all possible.

Sherlock Holmes: Neat, don't you think?
Anderson: Hm...
Sherlock Holmes: What?
Anderson: Not the way I'd have done it.

Dr. John Watson: [with a time bomb ticking] So what do we do?
Sherlock Holmes: I've no idea.
Dr. John Watson: Well, think of something.
Sherlock Holmes: Why do you think I know what to do?
Dr. John Watson: Because you're Sherlock Holmes, you're as clever as it gets.
Sherlock Holmes: It doesn't mean I know how to diffuse a giant bomb. What about you?
Dr. John Watson: I wasn't in bomb disposal, I'm a bloody doctor.
Sherlock Holmes: And a soldier, as you keep reminding us all.
Dr. John Watson: Can't-Can't we... rip their timer off or something?
Sherlock Holmes: But that would set it off.
Dr. John Watson: You see? You know things!

Dr. John Watson: I wanted you not to be dead!
Sherlock Holmes: Yeah, well, be careful what you wish for.

Sherlock Holmes: Fancy some chips?
Molly Hooper: What?
Sherlock Holmes: I know a fantastic fish shop just off the Marylebone Road, the owner always gives me extra portions.
Molly Hooper: Did you get him off a murder charge?
Sherlock Holmes: No, I helped him put up some shelves.

Dr. John Watson: [seeing a couple scooted from the room] Clients?
Sherlock Holmes: Just my parents.
Dr. John Watson: Your parents?
Sherlock Holmes: In town for a few days.
Dr. John Watson: *Your* parents?
Sherlock Holmes: Mycroft promised to take them to a matinee of Les Mis. Tried to talk me into doing it.
Dr. John Watson: Those were your parents?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes.
Dr. John Watson: Well. *That* is not what I...
Sherlock Holmes: What?
Dr. John Watson: I-I mean, they're... just... so... ordinary.
Sherlock Holmes: It's a cross I have to bear.

Dr. John Watson: You'd have to be an idiot not to see it. You love it.
Sherlock Holmes: Love what?
Dr. John Watson: Being Sherlock Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: I don't even know what that's supposed to mean.

Dr. John Watson: One word, Sherlock, that is *all* I would have needed! One word to let me know that you were alive!
Sherlock Holmes: I've nearly been in contact so many times, but... I worried that, you know, you might say something indiscreet.
Dr. John Watson: What?
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, you know, let the cat out of the bag.
Dr. John Watson: Oh, so this is *my* fault?
Mary Morstan: [Mary starts laughing] Oh, God.
Dr. John Watson: Why am I the only one who thinks that this is wrong? The only one reacting like a human being.
Sherlock Holmes: Overreacting.
Dr. John Watson: [Yelling] Overreacting!
Mary Morstan: John!
Dr. John Watson: Overreacting! So you fake your own death and you waltz in here, large as bloody life, but I'm not supposed to have a problem with that, no, because Sherlock Holmes thinks it's a perfectly okay thing to do!
Sherlock Holmes: Shut up, John! I don't want everyone knowing I'm still alive!
Dr. John Watson: Oh, so it's still a secret, is it?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, it's still a secret.
[looks around the crowded shop they are in]
Sherlock Holmes: Promise you won't tell anyone.
Dr. John Watson: Swear to God!

Mycroft Holmes: We have solid information, an attack is coming.
Sherlock Holmes: Solid information, a secret terrorist organization is planning an attack. That's what secret terrorist organizations do, isn't it? It's their version of golf.
Mycroft Holmes: An agent gave his life to tell us that.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, well, perhaps he shouldn't have done. He was obviously just trying to show off.

Mycroft Holmes: [analyzing a hat] This is a Chullo. The classic headgear of the Andes, it's made of Alpaca.
Sherlock Holmes: Nope.
Mycroft Holmes: No?
Sherlock Holmes: Icelandic sheep wool. Similar but very distinctive, if you know what you're looking for. I've written a blog on the varying tensile strengths of different natural fibers.
Mrs. Hudson: I'm sure there's a crying need for that.

Sherlock Holmes: But you've missed his isolation.
Mycroft Holmes: I don't see it.
Sherlock Holmes: Plain as day.
Mycroft Holmes: Where?
Sherlock Holmes: There for all to see.
Mycroft Holmes: Tell me.
Sherlock Holmes: Plain as the nose...
Mycroft Holmes: Tell me!
Sherlock Holmes: Well, anybody who wears a hat as stupid as this isn't in the habit of hanging around other people, is he?

Mr. Harcourt: Well, absolutely no one should have been able to empty that bank account other than myself and Helen.
Sherlock Holmes: Why didn't you assume it was your wife?
Mr. Harcourt: Because I've always had total faith in her.
Sherlock Holmes: No, it's because you emptied it.
[points at him]
Sherlock Holmes: Weight loss, hair dye, Botox, affair.
[whips out a business card, he holds it out to Mrs Harcourt]
Sherlock Holmes: Lawyer. Next!

Sherlock Holmes: [after being head-butted by John] I don't understand. I said I'm sorry, isn't that what you're supposed to do?
Mary Morstan: Gosh, you don't know anything about human nature, do you?
Sherlock Holmes: Hmm, nature? No. Human?
Sherlock Holmes: No.

Mrs. Hudson: Sherlock?
Sherlock Holmes: Mm?
Mrs. Hudson: Talk to John.
Sherlock Holmes: I tried talking to him. He made his position quite clear.
Dr. John Watson: [John is in his office examining a patient with an undescended testicle. He lifts a middle finger] Just relax, Mr Summerson.
Mrs. Hudson: What did he say?
Sherlock Holmes: F...
Dr. John Watson: [feeling his patient's testicles] Cough.
Mrs. Hudson: Oh, dear.

Dr. John Watson: Well, uh, surprise me.
Sherlock Holmes: I'm certainly endeavoring to, sir.

Sherlock Holmes: London. It's like a great cesspool into which all kinds of criminals, agents and drifters are irresistibly drained. Sometimes it's not a question of who, it's a question of who knows. If this man cancels his papers, I need to know.
Sherlock Holmes: If this woman leaves London without putting her dog into kennels, I need to know. Now, certain people, they are markers. If they start to move, I'll know something's up. Like rats deserting a sinking ship.

Mycroft Holmes: If you seem slow to me, Sherlock, can you imagine what real people are like? I'm living in a world of goldfish.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, but I've been away for two years.
Mycroft Holmes: So?
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, I don't know. I thought, perhaps, you might have found yourself a... goldfish.

Mycroft Holmes: I'm not lonely, Sherlock.
Sherlock Holmes: How would you know?

Sherlock Holmes: No, I prefer my doctors clean-shaven.
Dr. John Watson: That's not a sentence you hear every day.

Sherlock Holmes: Well, the short version... not dead.

Dr. John Watson: [furious] Two years... Two years! Hmm... I thought. Mm... I thought... you were dead. Hmm?... Now, you let me grieve. Hmm?... How could you do that?... How?
Sherlock Holmes: Wait, before you do anything that you might regret, um, one question, just let me ask one question...
[laughing at John's moustache]
Sherlock Holmes: Are you really gonna keep that?

Sherlock Holmes: I calculated that there were thirteen possibilities once I'd invited Moriarty onto the roof. I wanted to avoid dying, if at all possible. The first scenario involved hurling myself into a parked hospital van filled with washing bags. Impossible, the angle was too steep. Secondly, a system of Japanese wrestling...
Dr. John Watson: You know, for a genius, you can be remarkably thick.
Sherlock Holmes: What?
Dr. John Watson: I don't care *how* you faked it, Sherlock. I want to know *why*.

Sherlock Holmes: I can't be seen wandering around with an old man.

[as he is stealing a woman's makeup pen from her purse]
Sherlock Holmes: Madam, can I suggest you look at this menu? It's, uh, completely identical.

Sherlock Holmes: I didn't know you spoke Serbian.
Mycroft Holmes: I didn't. But the language has a Slavic root. Frequent Turkish and German loan-words. Took me a couple of hours.
Sherlock Holmes: Hmm, you're slipping.

[after examining a skeleton and finding a book titled How I Did It by Jack the Ripper]
Molly Hooper: That's impossible.
Sherlock Holmes: Welcome to my world.

Molly Hooper: We met through friends, old-fashioned way. He's nice, we... He's got a dog, we... We go to the pub on weekends and, he, I've met his mum and dad and his friends and all his family. I've no idea why I'm telling you any of this.
Sherlock Holmes: I hope you'll be very happy, Molly Hooper. You deserve it.
Sherlock Holmes: After all, not all the men you fall for can turn out to be sociopaths.
Molly Hooper: No?
Sherlock Holmes: No.
[kisses Molly on the check and walks away]
Molly Hooper: [to herself] Maybe it's just my type.

Sherlock Holmes: Moran didn't disappear. The entire Tube compartment did. The driver must have diverted the train and then detached the last carriage.
Dr. John Watson: Detached it where? You said there was nothing between those stations.
Sherlock Holmes: Not on the maps, but once you eliminate all the other factors, the only thing remaining must be the truth. That carriage vanished, so it must be somewhere.

[having stopped John from calling the police]
Sherlock Holmes: They'll get in the way, they always do. This is cleaner, more efficient.
[pulls out a pry-bar and opens a locked gate]
Dr. John Watson: And illegal.
Sherlock Holmes: A bit.

"Sherlock: The Great Game (#1.3)" (2010)
Dr. John Watson: I'm glad no one saw that.
Sherlock Holmes: Hm?
Dr. John Watson: You ripping my clothes off in a darkened swimming pool. People might talk.
Sherlock Holmes: People do little else.

Jim Moriarty: Do you know what happens if you don't leave me alone, Sherlock?... To you?
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, let me guess. I get killed?
Jim Moriarty: Kill you? N... No, don't be obvious. I mean, I'm going to kill you anyway, some day. I don't want to rush it, though. I'm saving it up for something special. No, no, no, no, no. If you don't stop prying... I'll burn you.
Jim Moriarty: I will burn... the *heart* out of you.
Sherlock Holmes: I have been reliably informed that I don't have one.
Jim Moriarty: But we both know that's not quite true.

Dr. John Watson: There are lives at stake... Sherlock. Actual human li... Jus-just so I know, do you care about that at all?
Sherlock Holmes: Will caring about them help save them?
Dr. John Watson: Nope.
Sherlock Holmes: Then I'll continue not to make that mistake.
Dr. John Watson: And you find that easy, do you?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes. Very. Is that news to you?
Dr. John Watson: No. No.
Sherlock Holmes: [pause] I've disappointed you.
Dr. John Watson: That's good... that's a good deduction, yeah.
Sherlock Holmes: Don't make people into heroes, John. Heroes don't exist, and if they did, I wouldn't be one of them.

Dr. John Watson: Uh, anytime you want to explain?...
Sherlock Holmes: Homeless network. Really is indispensable.
Dr. John Watson: Homeless network?
Sherlock Holmes: My eyes and ears all over the city.
Dr. John Watson: Ah, that's... clever. So-so you scratch their backs, and?...
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, and then disinfect myself.

[as Moriarty is leaving]
Sherlock Holmes: Catch you... later.
Jim Moriarty: [high-pitched] No, you won't!

Sherlock Holmes: [after Molly introduces her new boyfriend] Gay.
Molly Hooper: Sorry, what?
Sherlock Holmes: Nothing. Um... Hey.

Dr. John Watson: Anything in? I'm starving.
[Opens refrigerator]
Dr. John Watson: Oh, f...!
[closes door immediately, pauses, opens it again, stares at a human head for a bit, closes door]
Dr. John Watson: There's a head... A severed head!
Sherlock Holmes: [From other room] Just tea for me, thanks.
Dr. John Watson: No, there's a head in the fridge.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes?
Dr. John Watson: A bloody head!
Sherlock Holmes: Well, where else was I supposed to put it? You don't mind, do you?

Sherlock Holmes: How's Sarah, John? How was the Lilo?
Mycroft: Sofa, Sherlock. It was the sofa.
Sherlock Holmes: [glancing back at John] Oh, yes, of course.
Dr. John Watson: How...? Oh, nevermind.

Sherlock Holmes: [after explaining a series of complicated deductions] The picture's a fake.
Dr. John Watson: [impressed] Fantastic.
Sherlock Holmes: Meretricious.
DI Lestrade: And a happy new year.

Sherlock Holmes: Look at that, Mrs. Hudson... Quiet. Calm. Peaceful.
Sherlock Holmes: Isn't it hateful?

Jim Moriarty: Is that a British Army Browning L9A1 in your pocket... or are you just pleased to see me?
Sherlock Holmes: Both.

Jim Moriarty: I've shown you what I can do. I cut loose all those people, all those little problems, even thirty million quid, just to get you to come out and play. So take this as a friendly warning... my dear. Back off. Although, I have loved this, this little game of ours. Playing Jim from I.T. Playing gay. Did you like the little touch with the underwear?
Sherlock Holmes: People have died.
Jim Moriarty: [shouting] That's what people *do*!

Sherlock Holmes: I see you've written up the taxi driver case.
Dr. John Watson: Er... yes.
Sherlock Holmes: A Study In Pink. Nice.
Dr. John Watson: Well, you know. Pink lady, pink case, pink phone. There was a lot of pink. Did you like it?
Sherlock Holmes: Um... no.
Dr. John Watson: Why not? I thought you'd be flattered?
Sherlock Holmes: Flattered? "Sherlock sees through everything and everyone in seconds. What's incredible, though, is how spectacularly ignorant he is about some things."
Dr. John Watson: Now hang on a minute, I didn't mean that in...
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, you meant "spectacularly ignorant" in a nice way! Look, it doesn't matter to me who's Prime Minister or...
Dr. John Watson: Yeah, I know
Sherlock Holmes: ...who's sleeping with who...
Dr. John Watson: [quietly] Whether the Earth goes round the Sun.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh God, that again. It's not important!
Dr. John Watson: Not impor...? It's primary school stuff. How can you not know that?

Dr. John Watson: [John arrives home to find Sherlock shooting at a smiley on the wall] What the *hell* are you doing?
Sherlock Holmes: [mumbles] Bored.
Dr. John Watson: What?
Sherlock Holmes: Bored!
Dr. John Watson: [seeing Sherlock raise the gun again] No...
Sherlock Holmes: Bored! Bored! I don't know what's got into the criminal classes. Good job I'm not one of them.
Dr. John Watson: So you take it out on the wall?
Sherlock Holmes: Ah, the wall had it coming.

Dr. John Watson: You know, I'm still waiting.
Sherlock Holmes: Hm?
Dr. John Watson: For you to admit that a little knowledge of the solar system and you'd have cleared up the fake painting a lot quicker.
Sherlock Holmes: It didn't do you any good, did it?
Dr. John Watson: No, but I'm not the world's only consulting detective.
Sherlock Holmes: True.

Sherlock Holmes: [re: Watson] Study In Pink, you read his blog?
DI Lestrade: Of course I read his blog. We all do. Do you really not know that the Earth goes around the Sun?
[Sgt Donovan snickers]

[first lines]
Sherlock Holmes: Just... tell me what happened from the beginning.

Dr. John Watson: So why is he doing this, then? Playing this game with you. Do you think he wants to be caught?
Sherlock Holmes: I think he wants to be distracted.
Dr. John Watson: Oh...
Dr. John Watson: I hope you'll be very happy together.

DI Lestrade: Any ideas?
Sherlock Holmes: Seven, so far.

DI Lestrade: But what has this got to do with that painting? I don't see...
Sherlock Holmes: You do *see*, you just don't *observe*!
Dr. John Watson: All right, all right, girls. Calm down.

[last lines]
Jim Moriarty: Sorry, boys! I'm *so* changeable! It is a weakness with me, but to be fair to myself, it is my only weakness. You can't be allowed to continue. You just can't. I would try to convince you, but everything I have to say has already crossed your mind.
[Sherlock glances at John, who gives a small, almost imperceptible nod]
Sherlock Holmes: Probably my answer has crossed yours.
[shifts his gun aim to the bomb]

Miss Wenceslas: Who are you?
Sherlock Holmes: Sherlock Holmes.
Miss Wenceslas: Am I supposed to be impressed?
Sherlock Holmes: You should be. Have a nice day!

Jim Moriarty: Now you're in my way.
Sherlock Holmes: Thank you.
Jim Moriarty: Didn't mean it as a compliment.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, you did.
Jim Moriarty: Yeah, okay, I did!

Sherlock Holmes: [after solving the second case in a few hours] I am on *fire*!

Mycroft: Think about it, Sherlock. Don't make me order you.
Sherlock Holmes: I'd like to see you try.

Miss Wenceslas: [seeing Sherlock, who is disguised as a security guard, staring at a painting] Don't you have something to do?
Sherlock Holmes: Just admiring the view.
Miss Wenceslas: Yes, lovely. Now go back to work. We open tonight.
Sherlock Holmes: Doesn't it bother you?
Miss Wenceslas: What?
Sherlock Holmes: That the painting's a fake?
Miss Wenceslas: What?
Sherlock Holmes: It's a fake. It has to be. It's the only possible explanation. You are in charge, aren't you, Miss Wenceslas?
Miss Wenceslas: Who are you?
Sherlock Holmes: Alex Woodbridge knew that the painting was a fake, so somebody sent the Golem to take care of him. Was it you?
Miss Wenceslas: Golem? What the hell are you talking about?
Sherlock Holmes: Are you working for someone else? Did you fake it for them?
Miss Wenceslas: It's not a fake.
Sherlock Holmes: It is a fake. I don't know why. But there's something wrong with it, there has to be.
Miss Wenceslas: What the hell are you on about? You know I could have you sacked on the spot.
Sherlock Holmes: Not a problem.
Miss Wenceslas: No?
Sherlock Holmes: No, I don't work here, you see. Just popped in to give you a bit of friendly advice.
Miss Wenceslas: How did you get in?
Sherlock Holmes: [scoffs] Please.
Miss Wenceslas: I want to know.
Sherlock Holmes: The art of disguise is knowing how to hide in plain sight.

Sherlock Holmes: Mycroft never texts if he can talk.

Sherlock Holmes: [to Watson] I'd be lost without my blogger.

Bezza: Eh, you've gotta help me, Mr. Holmes! Everyone says you're the best. Without you... I-I'll get hung for this.
Sherlock Holmes: No, no, Mr. Bezza, not at all. Hanged, yes.

Crying Woman: [sobbing over the phone] I've... sent you... a little puzzle... just to say hi.
Sherlock Holmes: Who's talking? Why are you crying?
Crying Woman: I-I'm not crying. I'm typing. And... this... stupid... bitch... is reading it out.
Sherlock Holmes: [to himself] The curtain rises.
Dr. John Watson: What?
Sherlock Holmes: Nothing.
Dr. John Watson: No, what did you mean?
Sherlock Holmes: I've been expecting this for some time.
Crying Woman: Twelve... hours... to solve... my puzzle... Sherlock, or... I'm... going... to be... so... naughty.

Sherlock Holmes: The only mystery is this: Why is my brother so determined to bore me when somebody else is being so delightfully interesting?

DI Lestrade: Why is he doing this, the bomber? If this woman's death was suspicious, why point it up?
Sherlock Holmes: Good Samaritan.
DI Lestrade: Who press-gangs suicide bombers?
Sherlock Holmes: Bad Samaritan.

Without a Clue (1988)
Holmes: An occasional libation enables me to stiffen my resolve.
Mrs. Hudson: Your resolve should be pickled by now!

Watson: I'll ask you once more: Are you coming with me?
Holmes: I would rather waltz naked through the fires of Hell.

Watson: Oh, for God's sake...
Holmes: You didn't tell me that homicidal maniac was in on this!
Watson: That's because I knew you'd behave this way.
Holmes: Bravo! Another triumph for deductive reasoning!

Holmes: It wasn't YOU he tried to kill!
Watson: Think man, think... Who was SUPPOSED to be in that room?
Holmes: That's right! You were!
Watson: Moriarty knows... I'm am the only match for his evil genius.
Holmes: You mean he's not trying to kill me?
Watson: Of course not. He knows you're an idiot.
Holmes: Oh, thank God.

Holmes: How can I be expected to maintain the character when you belittle me in front of those hooligans?
Watson: Character? Are we talking about the same man who once declared with total conviction that the late Colonel Howard had been bludgeoned to death with a blunt *excrement*?
Holmes: Is it my fault you have such poor handwriting?

[Holmes and Watson are walking through some woods. Holmes is looking up into the trees]
Holmes: What am I looking for?
Watson: Footprints.
Holmes: Ah.
[Holmes looks down]
Holmes: Have I found any yet?
Watson: Not yet.
Holmes: Well let me know when I do.

Holmes: Lovely story, Watson. But on page 2 you have me admitting a mistake.
Watson: A writer must write of which he knows...

Holmes: I'm reminded of the curious case of the Manchurian Mambo...
Watson: Holmes, could I have a word?
Holmes: Yes, what is it?
Watson: I believe that was the Manchurian Mamba.
Holmes: Mambo, mamba. What's the difference?
Watson: Well, very little, except that one is a deadly, poisonous snake, while the other is a rather festive Carribean dance.
Holmes: It was a night like any other, when suddenly a knock came at the door. I opened it, and there were these Manchurians, doing a rather festive Carribean dance...

Watson: Lord Mayor! Don't move until Holmes has searched the area for clues!
Holmes: My GOD I've trained you well, Watson!

Dr. Watson: Believe it or not, I'm every bit Holmes's equal as a detective.
Lord Smithwick: [scoffing] Dr. Watson...
Dr. Watson: Ha ha, I happen to know that you recently recovered from an illness; that you smoke a pipe, ah!, probably, uh, rosewood; and you spent time in China...
Inspector Lestrade: [interrupting] Sorry, doctor, this is no time for parlor games.
Dr. Watson: I'm not playing parlor games-...
Inspector Lestrade: Doctor, this is a matter for professionals!
Sherlock Holmes: [bursting in] You've got to help me! There's two big men...
Dr. Watson: Holmes, you're back - so good to see you! My, this is a clever disguise - a drunken lout. Ha, very realistic.
Sherlock Holmes: There's two - this one big fellow...
Dr. Watson: Ah, excuse us just a moment.
[He whisks Holmes into the next room; after some banging about they return, now calm]
Dr. Watson: Gentlemen, Mr. Sherlock Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: Ah, Lestrade. It's good to see the department's letting you out at night again. Lord Smithwick - trouble at the exchequer?
Lord Smithwick: Well, to be honest - Wait, how did you know?
Sherlock Holmes: The same way that I can tell you recently recovered from an illness; smoke a pipe, probably rosewood; and have spent some time in...
Dr. Watson: [prompting] China.
Sherlock Holmes: China.
Lord Smithwick: AMAZING!
Sherlock Holmes: Thank you. Uh, uh, Lord, uh, Smithwick, um, before we start, perhaps a... little sherry?
Lord Smithwick: I wish we could. But the matter which brings me here involves the fate of the entire Empire.
Sherlock Holmes: I see. Perhaps a whiskey, then?

Holmes: As a matter of fact, Lestrade, You can be some help.
Inspector Lestrade: Of course!
Holmes: Hold my coat, it's hot in here.

Holmes: [coming back drunken to the hotel] Holmes, sweet Holmes!

Lord Smithwick: And I don't have to tell you what that would mean.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes you do.

Sherlock Holmes: What are you doing?
Dr. Watson: Thinking.
Sherlock Holmes: Right. I'm going to think too.
[Long pause]
Sherlock Holmes: What shall we think about, Watson?

Sherlock Holmes: Ah, now, now, we know for a fact that Giles was on the boat.
Dr. Watson: No, we don't.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh. Well, we do know for a fact that Giles arrived in Windermere.
Dr. Watson: No he didn't.
Sherlock Holmes: (He didn't? I thought he did.) Ah. Well, we really know that Giles was behind the theft of the printing plates.
Dr. Watson: No, he wasn't.

Leslie: Oh, you brave, brave man!
Sherlock Holmes: Danger is my trade - but not yours. It's unsafe for you to sleep alone tonight, unattended.
Dr. Watson: Yes, we insist you stay with us.
Leslie: Oh, but, but surely I'd be an imposition.
Sherlock Holmes: Think nothing of it, my dear.
Dr. Watson: Indeed. Holmes will be working... all night anyway, so you can have his room.

Sherlock Holmes: I warn you, sir, I've killed as many as six men in a week. Eight if you count matinees.

Sherlock Holmes: I've got it! His real name is Arty-Morti!

Sherlock Holmes: [after poking a dead man with a stick] It is my opinion... that he is dead.

Holmes: I couldn't detect horse manure if I stepped in it!

Watson: Last night, Holmes realized how stupid he had been.
Holmes: Now, I didn't say stupid...
Watson: Yes, you did.

[Holmes has just tried and failed to hang himself]
Mrs. Hudson: Mr. Holmes! What would Dr. Watson say?
Holmes: He would have offered to kick the chair out from underneath me!

[Holmes is approached by two menacing-looking thugs in a pub]
Holmes: Ah, gentlemen. And what can I do for you? A mystery to be solved?
Thug: You might say that. There's a little matter of a gambling debt, and the mystery is why you ain't paid it.

[Sherlock Holmes and Professor Moriarty prepare to have a swordfight on the stage of the Orpheum Theater]
Professor James Moriarty: Ordinarily I do not bother with half-wits and buffoons.
[Holmes reaches to draw a sword from nearby, but grabs Mrs. Hudson's umbrella by accident]
Holmes: Buffoons, is it?
[Moriarty looks annoyed. Realizing his mistake, Holmes quickly tosses the umbrella aside and draws a sword for real this time]
Holmes: Buffoon, is it?
Mrs. Hudson: [Looking on with Dr. Watson] He'll be killed!
Dr. Watson: I quite doubt it, Mrs. Hudson. He's in his element now.

[Holmes and Watson enter a home and Watson picks up the mail]
Dr. Watson: Oh, a French postcard.
Holmes: Really?
[he takes the card from Watson]
Holmes: I know a chap who collected these once. He had this wonderful one... two women... oh, it's just a picture of the Eiffel Tower.

Holmes: The Shadow of Death. The gripping drama was the last play presented at the Orpheum. It closed after only one night, but not without garnering some praise. Harris in the Daily Telegram said, 'In an otherwise dismal evening, Reginald Kincaid provided some welcome laughs.'
Wiggins: You said it was a gripping drama!
Holmes: It's unimportant now, isn't it?

Local #1: A toast to the greatest detective in all the world.
Holmes: Thank you, gentlemen. I am touched.
Watson: I can vouch for that!

Lord Mayor Gerald Fitzwalter Johnson: Well, Mr. Holmes. Any theories?
Holmes: Obviously, the victim had been caught in a storm too far from shore to swim for it.
Lord Mayor Gerald Fitzwalter Johnson: Yes, and with that heavy suitcase attached to his wrist, and the lake being so deep.
Holmes: Quite. Pulled the poor wretch to the bottom, struggling futilely, flailing desperately as the cold, black water sealed his fate forever Well, it's certainly been a laugh. Thank you.

Watson: Holmes believes your father has been abducted.
Leslie: Abducted? By who?
Sherlock Holmes: Abductors

Watson: Have you got your revolver with you?
Holmes: Yeah, sure.
[fumbles around]
Holmes: Here it is.
Watson: Right, now I'm going to let you have some bullets for it. Try not to shoot yourself - at least, not until I give the signal.

"Sherlock: His Last Vow (#3.3)" (2014)
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, do your research. I'm not a hero, I'm a high-functioning sociopath. Merry Christmas!

Sherlock Holmes: One false move and we'll have betrayed the security of the United Kingdom and be imprisoned for high treason. Magnussen is quite simply the most dangerous man we've ever encountered and the odds are comprehensibly stacked against us.
Dr. John Watson: But it's Christmas!
Sherlock Holmes: [huge grin] I feel the same. Oh, you mean it's actually Christmas. Did you bring your gun as I suggested?
Dr. John Watson: Why would I bring my gun to your parents' house for Christmas dinner?
Sherlock Holmes: Is it in your coat?
Dr. John Watson: Yes.
Sherlock Holmes: Off we go, then.

[Janine shows Sherlock three tabloid newspaper headlines for stories she had sold: "Shag-a-lot Holmes", "7-Times a Night in Baker Street" and "He Made Me Wear the Hat"]
Janine: I'm buying a cottage. And I made a lot of money out of you, mister. Nothing hits the spot like revenge with profits.
Sherlock Holmes: You didn't give those stories to Magnussen, did you?
Janine: God, no. One of his rivals. He was spitting.
Sherlock Holmes: Hm.
Janine: Sherlock Holmes, you are a back-stabbin', heartless, manipulative bastard.
Sherlock Holmes: And you, as it turns out, are a grasping, opportunistic, publicity-hungry, tabloid whore.
Janine: So, we're good, then?
Sherlock Holmes: Yeah, of course. Where's the cottage?
Janine: Sussex Downs.
Sherlock Holmes: Mm, nice.
Janine: It's gorgeous. There's beehives, but I'm getting rid of those.

Mycroft Holmes: Also... your loss would break my heart.
Sherlock Holmes: [coughs] What the hell am I supposed to say to that?
Mycroft Holmes: Merry Christmas.
Sherlock Holmes: You hate Christmas.
Mycroft Holmes: Yes. Perhaps there was something in the punch.
Sherlock Holmes: Clearly. Go and have some more.

Mum: Are you two smoking?
Mycroft Holmes: No!
Sherlock Holmes: It was Mycroft!

Sherlock Holmes: I've dealt with murderers, psychopaths, terrorists, serial killers - none of them can turn my stomach like Charles Augustus Magnussen.

Sherlock Holmes: [Door busts out. Sherlock comes out with John following him, both shouting angrily] For God's sakes, John! I'm on a case!
Dr. John Watson: A month! That's all it took! One!
Sherlock Holmes: Working!
Dr. John Watson: Sherlock Holmes, in a drug den! How's that gonna look?
Sherlock Holmes: I'm undercover.
Dr. John Watson: No, you're not!
Sherlock Holmes: Well, I'm not NOW!

Isaac Whitney: Dr. Watson?
Dr. John Watson: Yep.
Isaac Whitney: Where am I?
Dr. John Watson: The arse-end of the universe with the scum of the Earth. Look at me.
Isaac Whitney: Have you come for me?
Dr. John Watson: D'you think I know a lot of people here?
[Isaac laughs hazily]
Dr. John Watson: Hey, you all right?
Sherlock Holmes: [in the corner behind John, turning to reveal his face] Oh, hello, John! Didn't expect to see you here. Come for me, too?

Bill Wiggins: All right, Shezza?
Dr. John Watson: "Shezza"?
Sherlock Holmes: I was undercover.
Mary Morstan: Seriously, "Shezza" though?
Dr. John Watson: We're not going to home, we're going to Barts. I'm calling Molly.
Mary Morstan: Why?
Dr. John Watson: [while holding up phone to ear] Because Sherlock Holmes needs to pee in a jar.

Bill Wiggins: Is it his shirt?
Sherlock Holmes: I'm sorry?
Bill Wiggins: Well, it's the creases, innit? The two creases down the front. It's been recently folded but it's not new. You must have dressed in a hurry this morning - so all your shirts must be kept like that. But why? Maybe 'cause you cycle to work every morning, shower when you get there an' then dress in the clothes you brought with ya. You keep your shirts folded ready to pack.
Sherlock Holmes: Not bad.
Bill Wiggins: An' I further deduce you've only started recently because you've got a bit of chafing.
Sherlock Holmes: No, he's always walked like that. Remind me, what's your name again?
Bill Wiggins: They call me the Wig.
Sherlock Holmes: No they don't.
Bill Wiggins: [awkwardly] Well, they... they call me Wiggy.
Sherlock Holmes: Nope.
Bill Wiggins: Bill. Bill Wiggins.
Sherlock Holmes: Nice observational skills, Billy.

Dr. John Watson: It's for a case, you said.
Sherlock Holmes: Yep.
Dr. John Watson: What sort of case?
Sherlock Holmes: Too big and dangerous for any sane individual to get involved in.
Dr. John Watson: You're trying to put me off?
Sherlock Holmes: God, no. I'm trying to recruit you.

Sherlock Holmes: You know Magnussen as a newspaper owner, but he is so much more than that. He uses his power and wealth to gain information. The more he acquires, the greater his wealth and power, and I'm not exaggerating when I say that he knows the critical pressure point on every person of note or influence in the whole of the Western world and probably beyond. He is the Napoleon of blackmail, and he's created an unassailable architecture of forbidden knowledge. Its name is Appledore.
Dr. John Watson: Dinner.
Sherlock Holmes: Sorry, what? Dinner?
Dr. John Watson: Me and Mary coming for... dinner with... wine and... sitting.
Sherlock Holmes: Seriously? I've just told you that the Western world is run from this house, and you want to talk about dinner?
Dr. John Watson: Fine. Talk about the house.
Sherlock Holmes: It is the greatest repository of sensitive and dangerous information anywhere in the world, the Alexandrian library of secrets and scandals, and none of it is on a computer. He's smart. Computers can be hacked. It's all on hard copy in vaults underneath that house; and, as long as it is, the personal freedom of anyone you've ever met is a fantasy.

[at Sherlock's apartment]
Sherlock Holmes: I understood we were meeting at your office.
Charles Magnussen: This IS my office. Well, it is now.

Dr. John Watson: Did you just get engaged to break into an office?
Sherlock Holmes: Yeah. Stroke of luck meeting her at your wedding. You can take some of the credit.
Dr. John Watson: Je... Jesus, Sherlock, she loves you.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes. Like I said - human error.
Dr. John Watson: What're you gonna do?
Sherlock Holmes: Well, not actually marry her, obviously. There's only so far you can go.
Dr. John Watson: So what will you tell her?
Sherlock Holmes: Well, I'll tell her that our entire relationship was a ruse to get into her boss's office. I'll imagine she'll want to stop seeing me at that point, but you're the expert on women.

Sherlock Holmes: They're putting me down, too, now. No fun is it?

Dr. John Watson: Is everyone I've ever met a psychopath?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes. Good that we've settled that.

Dr. John Watson: You! What have I ever done - hm? - my whole life to deserve you?
Sherlock Holmes: Everything.
Dr. John Watson: Sherlock, I've told you... shut up.
Sherlock Holmes: No, I mean it, seriously. Everything - everything you've ever done - is what you did.
Dr. John Watson: Sherlock, one more word and you will not need morphine.
Sherlock Holmes: You were a doctor who went to war. You're a man who couldn't stay in the suburbs for more than a month without storming a crack den, beating up a junkie. Your best friend is a sociopath who solves crimes as an alternative to getting high. That's me, by the way. Hello. Even the landlady used to run a drug cartel.
Mrs. Hudson: It was my husband's cartel. I was just typing.
Sherlock Holmes: And exotic dancing.

Sherlock Holmes: John, you are addicted to a certain lifestyle. You're abnormally attracted to dangerous situations and people, so is it truly such a surprise that the woman you fall in love with conforms to that pattern.

Sherlock Holmes: Right here, right now, what... is... she?
Dr. John Watson: [sniffs] Okay. Your way. Always your way.
[clears throat, places a chair in the middle of the room]
Dr. John Watson: Sit.
Mary Morstan: Why?
Dr. John Watson: Because that's where they sit - the people who come in here with their stories - the... the clients. That's all you are now, Mary. You're a client. This is where you sit and talk, and this is where we sit and listen, then we decide if we want you or not.
[All sit in their designated chairs]

Charles Magnussen: Everything's available for a price. You making me an offer?
Sherlock Holmes: A christmas present.
Charles Magnussen: Then what are you giving me for Christmas, Mr. Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: My brother.

Dr. John Watson: The game is over.
Sherlock Holmes: The game is never over, John. But there may be some new players now. That's OK, the East Wind takes us all in the end.
Dr. John Watson: What's that?
Sherlock Holmes: It's a story my brother told me when we were kids. The East Wind is a terrifying force that lays waste to all in its path. It seeks out the unworthy and plucks them from the earth. That was generally me.
Dr. John Watson: Nice.
Sherlock Holmes: He's a rubbish big brother.

Mycroft Holmes: [on Magnussen] I'm just curious, though. It's hardly your usual kind of puzzle. Why do you hate him?
Sherlock Holmes: Because he attacks people who are different and preys on their secrets. Why don't you?

Sherlock Holmes: Have a lovely day. Call me later.
Janine: I might do. I might call you. Unless I meet someone prettier.
[She kisses Sherlock]
Janine: Solve me a crime Sherlock Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes: John, there's something I should say, I've meant to say always and I never have. Since it's unlikely we'll ever meet again, I might as well say it now.
[Takes a deep breath]
Sherlock Holmes: Sherlock is actually a girl's name.

Mycroft Holmes: What was directly behind you when you were murdered?
Little Sherlock: Not been murdered yet.
Mycroft Holmes: Balance of probability, little brother.

"Sherlock: The Reichenbach Fall (#2.3)" (2012)
Dr. John Watson: Don't do that.
Sherlock Holmes: Do what?
Dr. John Watson: The look.
Sherlock Holmes: Look?
Dr. John Watson: You're doing the look again.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, I can't see it, can I?
[John indicates the mirror, Sherlock looks]
Sherlock Holmes: It's my face.
Dr. John Watson: Yes, and it's doing a thing. You're doing a we-both-know-what's-really-going-on-here face.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, we do.
Dr. John Watson: No, I don't. Which is why I find the face so annoying.

Jim Moriarty: You think you can make me stop the order? You think you can make me do that?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes.
Sherlock Holmes: So do you.
Jim Moriarty: Sherlock, your big brother and all the King's horses couldn't make me do a thing I didn't want to.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, but I'm not my brother, remember? I am you. Prepared to do anything. Prepared to burn. Prepared to do what ordinary people won't do. You want me to shake hands with you in Hell? I shall not disappoint you.
Jim Moriarty: Nah. You talk big. Nah. You're ordinary. You're ordinary, you're on the side of the angels.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, I may be on the side of the angels, but don't think for one *second* that I am one of them.

Sherlock Holmes: [talking to John on the phone while on the roof of Barts] I'm a fake.
Dr. John Watson: Sherlock.
Sherlock Holmes: The newspapers were right all along. I want you to tell Lestrade. I want you to tell Mrs. Hudson. And Molly. In fact, tell anyone who will listen to you... that I created Moriarty for my own purposes.
Dr. John Watson: Ok, shut up, Sherlock, shut up. The first time we met. The first time we met, you knew all about my sister. Right?
Sherlock Holmes: Nobody could be that clever.
Dr. John Watson: You could.

Sherlock Holmes: Linseed oil.
Anderson: Not much use. Doesn't lead us to the kidnapper.
Sherlock Holmes: Brilliant, Anderson.
Anderson: Really?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes. Brilliant impression of an idiot.

Sherlock Holmes: [handcuffed to John and running] Take my hand.
Dr. John Watson: Now people will definitely talk.

Sherlock Holmes: You're insane.
Jim Moriarty: You're just getting that now?

Jim Moriarty: You know, when he was on his deathbed, Bach, he heard his son at the piano playing one of his... pieces. The boy stopped before he got to the end.
Sherlock Holmes: And the dying man jumped out of bed, ran straight to the piano and finished it.
Jim Moriarty: Couldn't cope with an unfinished melody.
Sherlock Holmes: Neither can you. It's why you've come.

Moriarty: How hard do you find it, having to say "I don't know?"
Sherlock Holmes: I don't know.

Sherlock Holmes: This phone call, it's, um... It's my note. It's what people do, don't they? Leave a note?
Dr. John Watson: Leave a note when?
Sherlock Holmes: Good-bye, John.

Sherlock Holmes: [In their apartment, reading the latest tabloids] "Boffin"? Boffin Sherlock Holmes.
Dr. John Watson: Everybody gets one.
Sherlock Holmes: One what?
Dr. John Watson: Tabloid nickname. Subo, Nasty Nick. Shouldn't worry. I'll probably get one soon.
Sherlock Holmes: Page five, column six, first sentence. Why is it always the *hat* photograph?
Dr. John Watson: "*Bachelor* John Watson."
Sherlock Holmes: What kind of hat is it anyway?
Dr. John Watson: Bachelor? What the hell are they implying?
Sherlock Holmes: Is it a cap? Why has it got two fronts?
Dr. John Watson: It's a deerstalker. "... frequently seen in the company of *bachelor* John Watson."
Sherlock Holmes: How do you stalk a deer with a hat? What are you going to do, throw it?
Dr. John Watson: "*Confirmed* bachelor, John Watson."
Sherlock Holmes: Is it like some sort of death frisbee?
Dr. John Watson: Okay, this is too much. We need got to be more careful.
Sherlock Holmes: It's got flaps. *Ear* flaps, it's an *ear* hat, John.
[Throws the hat to John]
Sherlock Holmes: What do you mean, more careful?
Dr. John Watson: I mean, this isn't a deerstalker now, it's a Sherlock Holmes hat. I mean, that you're not exactly a *private* detective any more. You're this far from famous.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, it'll pass.

[as Sherlock and John are handcuffed together]
Sherlock Holmes: Hmm. Bit awkward, this.
Dr. John Watson: There's no one to bail us.
Sherlock Holmes: I was thinking more about our imminent and daring escape.
Police Dispatcher: All units to 2-7.
Dr. John Watson: [to Sherlock] What?
[Sherlock triggers a police radio, causing feedback in all the uniformed officers' microphones. As the nearest one yanks his earpiece out, Sherlock grabs his gun and backs away from everyone]
Police Dispatcher: All units to 2
Sherlock Holmes: Ladies and gentlemen, will you all please get on your knees?
[No one moves; he fires twice into the air]
Sherlock Holmes: *Now* would be good!
DI Lestrade: Do as he says!
Dr. John Watson: Just-just so you're aware, the gun is his idea. I-I'm just, uh, you know...
Sherlock Holmes: [pointing the gun at John] My hostage!
Dr. John Watson: Hostage, yes, that works. That works. So what now?
Sherlock Holmes: Doing what Moriarty wants. Becoming a fugitive. Run.

Sherlock Holmes: [waiting for Molly in the darkened lab, she enters and is startled when he begins to speak] You're wrong, you know. You do count. You've always counted and I've always trusted you. But you were right. I'm not okay.
Molly Hooper: Tell me what's wrong.
Sherlock Holmes: Molly... I think I'm going to die.
Molly Hooper: What do you need?
Sherlock Holmes: If I wasn't everything that you think I am, everything that *I* think I am... would you still want to help me?
Molly Hooper: What do you need?
Sherlock Holmes: [long pause] You.

Sherlock Holmes: [muttering into microscope] I.O.U.
[long pause]
Sherlock Holmes: Glycerol molecule.
Sherlock Holmes: What are you?
Molly Hooper: What did you mean, "I owe you"? You said "I owe you". You were muttering it while you were working.
Sherlock Holmes: Nothing. Mental note.
Molly Hooper: You look a bit like my dad. He's dead. Oh, sorry...
Sherlock Holmes: Molly, please don't feel the need to make conversation. It's really not your area.
Molly Hooper: When he was dying, he was always cheerful, he was lovely. Except when he thought no one could see. I saw him once. He looked sad.
Sherlock Holmes: Molly...
Molly Hooper: You look sad... When you think he can't see you.
[pan to Watson working nearby]
Molly Hooper: Are you okay? Don't just say you are, because I know what that means, looking sad when you think no one can see you.
Sherlock Holmes: But, you can see me.
Molly Hooper: I don't count. What I'm trying to say is that if there's anything... I can do, anything you need, anything at all, you can have me.
Molly Hooper: No, I just mean... I mean... If there's anything you need. It's fine.
Sherlock Holmes: B-but what could I need from you?
Molly Hooper: Nothing. I don't know. But you could probably say thank you, actually.
Sherlock Holmes: [experimentally] Thank you.
Molly Hooper: I'm just going to go and get some crisps. Do you want anything? It's okay. I know you don't.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, actually, maybe I'll...
Molly Hooper: I know you don't.

Prosecuting Barrister: "A consulting criminal."
Sherlock Holmes: Yes.
Prosecuting Barrister: Your words. Can you expand on that answer?
Sherlock Holmes: James Moriarty is for hire.
Prosecuting Barrister: A tradesman?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes.
Prosecuting Barrister: But not the sort who'd fix your heating?
Sherlock Holmes: No, the sort who'd plant a bomb or stage an assassination, but I'm sure he'd make a pretty decent job of your boiler.
Prosecuting Barrister: Would you describe him as...
Sherlock Holmes: Leading.
Prosecuting Barrister: What?
Sherlock Holmes: Can't do that. You're leading the witness. He'll object and the judge will uphold.
Judge: Mr Holmes!
Sherlock Holmes: Ask me how. How would I describe him? What opinion have I formed of him? Do they not teach you this?

Sherlock Holmes: How long have I known him? Not really your best line of enquiry. We met twice, five minutes in total. I pulled a gun. He tried to blow me up. I felt we had a special something.
Judge: Miss Sorrel, are you seriously claiming this man is an expert? After knowing the accused for just five minutes?
Sherlock Holmes: Two minutes would have made me an expert. Five was ample.
Judge: Mr Holmes, that's a matter for the jury.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, really?
[Holmes studies the jury members]
Sherlock Holmes: One librarian, two teachers, two high-pressure jobs, probably the City. Foreman's a medical secretary, trained abroad, judging by her shorthand.
Judge: Mr Holmes...
Sherlock Holmes: Seven are married and two are having an affair with each other, it would seem. Oh, and they've just had tea and biscuits. Would you like to know who ate the wafer?
Judge: Mr Holmes! You've been called here to answer Miss Sorrel's questions, not to give us a display of your intellectual prowess. Keep your answers brief and to the point. Anything else will be treated as contempt. Do you think you could survive for just a few minutes *without showing off*?
[Holmes opens his mouth to say something; cut to a bailiff leading him to a jail cell]

[after Sherlock is arrested]
Chief Superintendant: Donovan? That's our man?
Sgt Sally Donovan: Uh, yes, sir.
Chief Superintendant: Looked a bit of a weirdo, if you ask me. Often are, these vigilante types.
[notices John staring at him]
Chief Superintendant: What you lookin' at?
[Cut to later; the Chief Superintendent walks out onto Baker Street with a handkerchief to his bloody nose]
Cop: Are you all right, sir?
[John is slammed against a police car next to Sherlock and handcuffed to him]
Sherlock Holmes: Joining me?
Dr. John Watson: Yeah. Apparently it's against the law to chin the Chief Superintendent.

[Sherlock has been called in as an expert witness at Moriarty's trial]
Dr. John Watson: Remember...
Sherlock Holmes: Yes.
Dr. John Watson: Remember...
Sherlock Holmes: Yes.
Dr. John Watson: Remember what they told you. Don't try to be clever...
Sherlock Holmes: No.
Dr. John Watson: ...and please, just keep it simple and brief.
Sherlock Holmes: [sarcastic] God forbid the star witness at the trial should come across as intelligent.
Dr. John Watson: Intelligent, fine. Let's give smart-arse a wide berth.
Sherlock Holmes: [pause] I'll just be myself.
Dr. John Watson: Are you *listening* to me?

Sherlock Holmes: This is my cab. You get the next one.
Dr. John Watson: Why?
Sherlock Holmes: You might talk.

Kitty Reilly: I'm a big fan.
Sherlock Holmes: Evidently.
Kitty Reilly: I read your cases. Follow them all. Sign my shirt, would you?
[unzips her jacket to reveal her cleavage]
Sherlock Holmes: There are two types of fans.
Kitty Reilly: Oh?
Sherlock Holmes: Catch me before I kill again, type A.
Kitty Reilly: Uh-huh. What's type B?
Sherlock Holmes: Your bedroom's just a taxi ride away.
Kitty Reilly: Hmm. Guess which one I am?
Sherlock Holmes: [looks her up and down] Neither.
Kitty Reilly: Really?
Sherlock Holmes: No, you're not a fan at all. Those marks on your forearm. Edge of a desk. You've been typing in a hurry, probably. Pressure on, facing a deadline.
Kitty Reilly: That all?
Sherlock Holmes: And there's a smudge of ink on your wrist, and a bulge in your left jacket pocket.
Kitty Reilly: Bit of a giveaway?
Sherlock Holmes: The smudge is deliberate. It's to see if I'm as good as they say I am.
[Smells her arm]
Sherlock Holmes: Hmm. Oil-based. Used in newspaper print. But drawn on with an index finger. Your finger.
Kitty Reilly: Hmm.
Sherlock Holmes: Journalist. Unlikely you get your hands dirty at the press. You put that there to test me.
Kitty Reilly: Wow! I'm liking you.
Sherlock Holmes: You mean I'd make a great feature. "Sherlock Holmes, the man beneath the hat."

Kitty Reilly: [takes off her Deerstalker hat] Kitty. Riley. Pleased to meet you.
Sherlock Holmes: No. I'm just saving you the trouble of asking. No, I wont give you an interview. No, I don't want the money.
[tries to leave]
Kitty Reilly: You and John Watson. Just platonic? Can we put down for a no there as well?
[stands in his way]
Kitty Reilly: There's all sorts of... gossip in the press about you. Sooner or later, you're going to need someone on your side. Someone to... set the record straight.
Sherlock Holmes: You think you're the girl for that job, do you?
Kitty Reilly: I'm smart. And you can trust me... totally.
Sherlock Holmes: Smart? Okay. Investigative journalist. Good. Well, look at me and tell me what you see.
Sherlock Holmes: If you're that skillful, you don't need an interview, you can just... read what you need.
Sherlock Holmes: No? Okay, my turn. I look at you and I see someone who's still waiting for their first big scoop so that their editor will notice them. You're wearing an expensive skirt that has been re-hemmed twice. The only posh skirt you've got. And your nails, you can't afford to do them that often. I see someone who's hungry. I don't see smart. And I definitely don't see trustworthy, but I'll give you a quote, if you like. Three little words...
[brings her dicta-phone to his mouth]
Sherlock Holmes: You... repel... me.

Sherlock Holmes: First mistake, James Moriarty isn't a man at all. He's a spider. A spider at the center of a web.Criminal web with a thousand threads and he knows precisely how each and every single one of them dances.

Sherlock Holmes: Most people knock. But then, you're not most people, I suppose.

Sherlock Holmes: What was that?
Jim Moriarty: No charge.

Dr. John Watson: No, I know you're for real.
Sherlock Holmes: A 100%?
Dr. John Watson: Nobody can fake being such an annoying *dick* all the time.

"Sherlock: The Lying Detective (#4.2)" (2017)
Dr. John Watson: You didn't kill Mary. Mary died saving your life. It's her choice. No one made her do it. No one could ever make her do anything, but the point is, you did not kill her.
Sherlock Holmes: In saving my life she conferred a value on it. It is a currency I do not know how to spend.

Sherlock Holmes: Stop talking. It makes me aware of your existence.

Sherlock Holmes: You're suicidal. You're allowed chips. Trust me. It's about the only perk.

Sherlock Holmes: I'm not sweet. I'm just high.

Sherlock Holmes: The game's afoot.

Faith Smith: [upon seeing Mycroft's helicopter] Oh, big brother is watching you.
Sherlock Holmes: Literally.

Sherlock Holmes: [on John's therapist] Who's this one? Is this a new person? I'm against new people.

Sherlock Holmes: [talking about Irene] Oh, for God's sakes, I don't text her back!
Dr. John Watson: [laughing] Why not? You bloody moron! She's out there, she likes you and she's alive! And do you have the first idea how lucky you are?

Sherlock Holmes: As I think I have explained to you *many* times before, romantic entanglement, while fulfilling for other people...
Dr. John Watson: [interrupts] Would complete you as a human being.
Sherlock Holmes: That doesn't even mean anything.
Dr. John Watson: Just text her. Phone her. Do something while there's still a chance, because that chance doesn't last forever. Trust me, Sherlock, it's gone before you know it. Before you know it!

Sherlock Holmes: You know, it's not my place to say, but it was just texting. People text. Even I text. Her, I mean. Woman. Bad idea. Try not to, but, you know, sometimes...
Sherlock Holmes: It's not a pleasant thought, John, but I have this terrible feeling from time to time that we might all just be human.
Dr. John Watson: Even you?
Sherlock Holmes: No. Even you.

Dr. John Watson: [looking at needle marks on Sherlock's arm] Yeah, well, they're real enough, I suppose.
Sherlock Holmes: Why would I be faking?
Dr. John Watson: Because you're a liar. You lie all the time. It's like your mission.
Sherlock Holmes: I have been many things, John, but when have I ever been a malingerer?
Dr. John Watson: You pretended to be dead for two years!
Sherlock Holmes: Apart from that!

Sherlock Holmes: [holding an empty vase] Get me a fresh glass of water, please. This one's filthy.

Sherlock Holmes: There must be something comforting about the number three. People always give up after three.

Sherlock Holmes: Why do you do it?
Culverton Smith: Why do I kill? It's-it's not about hatred, or... or revenge. I'm not a dark person. Killing human beings...
[starts chuckling]
Culverton Smith: just makes me... ah, incredibly happy. You know, in-in-in films, when-when you see dead people pretending to be dead, and it's just living people lying down? Well, that's not what dead people look like. Dead people... look like things. I like to make people into things. Then you can own them.

Sherlock Holmes: Taking your own life. Interesting expression. Taking it from who? Once it's over, it's not you who'll miss it. Your own death is something that happens to everybody else. Your life is not your own. Keep your hands off it.

Sherlock Holmes: I have to drink a cup of tea.
Wiggins: This cup of tea... code?
Sherlock Holmes: It's a cup of tea.
Wiggins: Because you might prefer... some...
[air quotes]

Cornelia: The kids would love to meet you both. I think he's sort of promised.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, okay.

Sherlock Holmes: It's okay.
Dr. John Watson: It's not okay.
Sherlock Holmes: No... but it is what it is.

Faith: You're my last hope.
Sherlock Holmes: Really? That's bad luck, isn't it? Good night. Go away.

Dr. John Watson: Well, how is he?
Sherlock Holmes: [answering for Molly] Basically fine.
Molly Hooper: I've seen healthier people on the slab.
Sherlock Holmes: Yeah, but, to be fair, you work with murder victims. They tend to be quite young.
Molly Hooper: Not funny.
Sherlock Holmes: Little bit funny.
Molly Hooper: If you keep taking what you're taking at the rate you're taking it, you've got weeks.
Sherlock Holmes: Exactly, weeks! Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Sherlock Holmes: Do you know why I'm going to take your case? Because of the one impossible thing you said.
Faith: What impossible thing?
Sherlock Holmes: You said your life turned on one word.
Faith: Yes. The name of the person my father wanted to kill.
Sherlock Holmes: That's the impossible thing. Just that, right there.
Faith: What's impossible?
Sherlock Holmes: Names are not one word. They're always at least two. Sherlock Holmes. Faith Smith. Santa Claus. Winston Churchill. Napoleon Bonaparte... Actually, just Napoleon would do.
Faith: Or Elvis.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, I think we can rule both of them out as targets.

Sherlock Holmes: I'm worried about you, Molly, you seem very stressed.
Molly Hooper: I'm stressed, you're dying!
Sherlock Holmes: Yeah, well, I'm ahead, then. Stress can ruin every day of your life. Dying can only ruin one.

Culverton Smith: Please, please, no violence. Thank you Doctor Watson. I don't think he's a danger any more. Leave him be.
Sherlock Holmes: No, no it's OK, let him do what he wants, he's entitled. I killed his wife.
Dr. John Watson: Yes you did.

Sherlock Holmes: [embracing John] It's OK.
Dr. John Watson: [weeping] No, it's not.
Sherlock Holmes: No. But it is what it is.

The Hound of the Baskervilles (1959)
Doctor Richard Mortimer: But this is remarkable!
Sherlock Holmes: Superficial. There is nothing remarkable about using one's eyes.

Sherlock Holmes: Do you imagine that I can prevent the Powers of Darkness?

Sherlock Holmes: This is, I think, a two-pipe problem.

[to Sir Henry Baskerville]
Sherlock Holmes: I must insist upon one thing. Under no circumstances are you to go out onto the moors at night.

Sherlock Holmes: Elementary, my dear Watson. Tarantulas are not from South Africa.

[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: It's elementary, my dear Watson, elementary...
[Extending it to Watson]
Sherlock Holmes: Muffin?
Doctor John Watson: Thank you.

Sherlock Holmes: I never relinquish a case!

Stapleton: What do you expect to find down here, Mr. Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: What one expects to find under the ground. Bones, perhaps?

Sherlock Holmes: There is more evil around us here than I have ever encountered before.

[of Sir Henry Baskerville]
Sherlock Holmes: I warned him! What could have possessed him to come out here alone?

Sherlock Holmes: We shall avenge his death, not mourn it.

Sherlock Holmes: The depth a human being can sink to!

Sherlock Holmes: In a case such as this, everyone is suspect - even Sir Henry.

Sherlock Holmes: The dagger's gone! Don't you realize what that means? Sir Henry is to die tonight!

Sherlock Holmes: My professional charges are upon a fixed scale. I do not vary them, except when I remit them altogether.

Sherlock Holmes: The powers of Evil can take many forms. Remember that, Sir Henry, when you're at Baskerville Hall. Do as the legend tells and avoid the moor when the forces of darkness are exalted.

Sherlock Holmes: Sir Henry, keep perfectly still...
[Pointing to him]
Sherlock Holmes: if you value your life.

Sherlock Holmes: You had better be off. You mustn't be late for your peasant friends... I hope you enjoy their rabbit pie.

"Sherlock: The Six Thatchers (#4.1)" (2017)
Sherlock Holmes: You ever think I'm becoming a bit... full of myself, cocky or overconfident...
Mrs. Hudson: Yes?
Sherlock Holmes: ...would you just say the word "Norbury" to me? Would you?
Mrs. Hudson: Norbury?
Sherlock Holmes: Just that. I'd be very grateful.

Sherlock Holmes: [referring to a taxi] That's mine. You two take a bus.
Dr. John Watson: I don't... Why?
Sherlock Holmes: I need to concentrate and I don't want to hit you.

Mycroft Holmes: Looks very... fully functioning.
Sherlock Holmes: Is that really the best you can do?
Mycroft Holmes: Sorry, I've never been very good with them.
Sherlock Holmes: Babies?
Mycroft Holmes: Humans.

Mycroft Holmes: Is that sentiment talking?
Sherlock Holmes: No. It's me.
Mycroft Holmes: Difficult to tell the difference these days.

Sherlock Holmes: I always know when the game is on. You know why?
Lady Smallwood: Why?
Sherlock Holmes: Because I love it.

Sherlock Holmes: Intuitions are not to be ignored, John. They represent data processed too fast for the conscious mind to comprehend.

Mrs. Hudson: A case? Oh, you're not up to it, are you?
Sherlock Holmes: Work is the best antidote to sorrow, Mrs Hudson.

Mary Watson: How the f...
Sherlock Holmes: Please, Mary, there is a child present.

Sherlock Holmes: Mary, no human action is ever truly random. An advanced grasp of the mathematics of probability mapped onto a thorough apprehension of human psychology and the known dispositions of any given individual can reduce the number of variables considerably. I myself know of at least 58 techniques to refine a seemingly infinite array of randomly generated possibilities down to the smallest number of feasible variables.
Sherlock Holmes: But they're really difficult, so instead I just stuck a tracer on the inside of the memory stick.
[starts chuckling]

Sherlock Holmes: I delete any text that begins, "Hi."

Dr. John Watson: You can't arrest a jellyfish.
Sherlock Holmes: You could try.

Mycroft Holmes: I met her once.
Sherlock Holmes: Thatcher?
Mycroft Holmes: Rather arrogant, I thought.
Sherlock Holmes: *You* thought that?
Mycroft Holmes: [laughs] I know.

Mycroft Holmes: But remember this, brother mine. Agents like Mary tend not to reach retirement age. They *get* retired, in a pretty permanent sort of way.
Sherlock Holmes: Not on my watch.

Sherlock Holmes: [to Mycroft] What are you, Wikipedia?

[Last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: [narrating] When does the path we walk on lock around our feet? When does the road become a river with only one destination? Death waits for us all in Samarra. But can Samarra be avoided?

Sherlock Holmes: Can't stand it. Never can. There's a loose thread in the world.
Dr. John Watson: It doesn't mean you have to pull on it.
Sherlock Holmes: What kind of a life would that be?

Dr. John Watson: And, uh... you, too, Sherlock.
Sherlock Holmes: You, too, what?
Dr. John Watson: Godfather. We'd like you to be godfather.
Sherlock Holmes: God is a ludicrous fiction dreamt up by inadequates who abnegate all responsibility to an invisible magic friend.
Dr. John Watson: Yeah, but there'll be cake. Will you do it?
Sherlock Holmes: I'll get back to you.

DI Lestrade: So, how's it going then, fatherhood?
Dr. John Watson: Oh, good, great. Yeah, amazing.
DI Lestrade: Get any sleep?
Dr. John Watson: Christ, no.
DI Lestrade: You at the beck and call of a screaming, demanding baby, woken up all hours to obey his every whim?
DI Lestrade: [looking pointedly at Sherlock] Must feel very different.
Sherlock Holmes: Sorry. What?
Dr. John Watson: Yes, well, you know how it is. All you do is clean up their mess, pat them on the head...
Sherlock Holmes: You two having a little joke?
Dr. John Watson: Never a word of thanks. Can't even tell people's faces apart.
Dr. John Watson: This is a joke, isn't it?

"The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: The Speckled Band (#1.6)" (1984)
Sherlock Holmes: Mrs. Hudson, do you think you could bring this young lady a hot cup of coffee, for I observe you are shivering.
Helen Stoner: It is not cold which makes me shiver.
Sherlock Holmes: What, then?
Helen Stoner: It is fear, Mr. Holmes. It is terror!
Sherlock Holmes: Well, you must not fear. We shall set matters right; have no doubt.

Sherlock Holmes: You have come by train, I see, this morning.
Helen Stoner: You know me, then?
Sherlock Holmes: No, but I observe the second half of a return ticket in the palm of your left glove. You started early, but you had a drive in a dog-cart, along heavy roads, before you reached the station. There is no mystery, my dear lady: the left arm of your jacket is spattered with mud in no less than seven places, the marks are fresh. There is no vehicle save a dog-cart which throws up mud in that particular way, and then only when you sit on the left-hand side of the driver.
Helen Stoner: You are perfectly correct.

Dr. Grimesby Roylott: You scoundrel, sir. I've heard of you before! You are Holmes the meddler, Holmes the busybody, Holmes the Scotland Yard Jack-in-office!
Sherlock Holmes: [short burst of laughter] Your conversation really is most entertaining. If you would close the door, on your way out, as there is a decided draught.
Dr. Grimesby Roylott: I shall go when I have had my say: don't you dare to meddle in my affairs!
[He seizes the poker from the fireplace and bends it into a "u" with his bare hands]
Dr. Grimesby Roylott: I am a dangerous man to fall foul of.

Sherlock Holmes: Ah, Watson, it's a wicked world. And when a clever man turns his brain to crime, it's the worst of all.

Sherlock Holmes: [while examining Miss Stoner's window, Holmes turns and sees Watson examining the ground] What are you doing, Watson?
Dr. John Watson: Well, I'm using your methods, Holmes; seeing whether the ground has been disturbed.
Sherlock Holmes: And what have you come up with?
Dr. John Watson: Your footprints, I believe,
[Holmes laughs]
Dr. John Watson: and mine and Miss Stoner's. And this.
[points to pawprint of a leopard]

Sherlock Holmes: When a doctor goes wrong, he is the first of criminals. He has nerve. He has knowledge. Palmer and Pritchard were among the heads of their profession; this man strikes even deeper.

Sherlock Holmes: Miss Stoner, it is very essential that you absolutely follow my advice in every respect. Your life may depend on it.
Helen Stoner: I assure you that I'm in your hands.

Dr. John Watson: You evidently saw more in those rooms than was visible to me, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: No. But I probably deduced a little more.

Sherlock Holmes: You will excuse me while I satisfy myself as to this floor.

Dr. Grimesby Roylott: Which one of you is Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: My name, sir, but you have the advantage of me.

Sherlock Holmes: These are very deep waters.

Sherlock Holmes: Do not fall asleep. Your very life may depend on it.

Sherlock Holmes: Let us meet again at one, under the clock at Waterloo Station. That is, if you've finished your breakfast by then. Oh, and your revolver. I would be obliged if you would slip it into your pocket; an Eley No. 2 is an excellent argument against gentlemen who can twist steel pokers into knots.

[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: Last night when I attacked the snake and drove it back through the ventilator, I roused its snakish temper, causing it to turn upon the next person that it saw.
Dr Watson: Doctor Grimesby Roylott. So you, Holmes, were indirectly responsible for his death.
Sherlock Holmes: I cannot say that it is likely to weigh very heavily on my conscience.

[after Dr. Roylott storms out, Holmes picks up the poker he bent and laughs]
Sherlock Holmes: What a very amiable person. I am not quite so bulky, but...
[With a sudden effort, he straightens the poker out again]
Sherlock Holmes: Fancy his having the insolence to confound me with the official detective force. This incident gives zest to our investigation.

[Holmes and Watson cross the grounds of the Roylott estate at night, heading towards the house when Holmes stops]
Sherlock Holmes: Down!
[Holmes and Watson crouch in the tall grass as an animal crosses their path]
Dr. John Watson: My God, what's that?
Sherlock Holmes: It's the baboon. This is a nice household.

Sherlock Holmes: Violence does, in truth, recoil upon the violent, and the schemer falls into the pit which he digs for another.

"Sherlock: The Blind Banker (#1.2)" (2010)
Sherlock Holmes: I need to get some air - we're going out tonight.
Dr John Watson: Actually, I've, uh, got a date.
Sherlock Holmes: What?
Dr John Watson: It's where two people who like each other go out and have fun?
Sherlock Holmes: That's what *I* was suggesting.
Dr John Watson: No, it wasn't. At least I hope not.

Dr John Watson: Where are we headed?
Sherlock Holmes: I need to ask some advice.
Dr John Watson: What? Sorry?
Sherlock Holmes: You heard me perfectly. I'm not saying it again.

Sherlock Holmes: You took your time.
Dr John Watson: Yeah, I didn't get the shopping.
Sherlock Holmes: What? Why not?
Dr John Watson: Because I had a row in the shop with a chip and PIN machine.
Sherlock Holmes: You... You had a row with a machine?
Dr John Watson: Sort of. It sat there and I shouted abuse.

Sarah: Eh, so these numbers, it's a cypher?
Sherlock Holmes: [annoyed] Exactly.
Sarah: And each pair of numbers is a word?
Sherlock Holmes: How did you know that?
Sarah: Well, two words have already been translated. Here.

Sherlock Holmes: So, you're doing well. You've been abroad a lot.
Seb Wilkes: Well... some.
Sherlock Holmes: Flying all the way around the world twice in a month.
Seb Wilkes: [laughs] Right. You're doing that thing.
[to John]
Seb Wilkes: We were at uni together, and this guy here had a trick he used to do.
Sherlock Holmes: It's not a trick.
Seb Wilkes: He could look at you and tell your whole life story.
Dr John Watson: Yes, I've seen him do it.
Seb Wilkes: Put the wind up everybody, we hated it. We'd come down to breakfast in the formal hall and this freak would know you'd been shagging the previous night.
Sherlock Holmes: I simply observed.
Seb Wilkes: Go on, enlighten me. Two trips a month, flying all the way around the world, you're quite right. How could you tell? Are you going to tell me there was a, um, stain on my tie from some special kind of ketchup you can only buy in Manhatten?
Sherlock Holmes: No, I...
Seb Wilkes: Or it was the mud on my shoes?
Sherlock Holmes: I was just chatting with your secretary outside. She told me.

Dr John Watson: Two trips around the world this month. You didn't ask his secretary, you said that just to irritate him. How did you know?
Sherlock Holmes: Did you see his watch?
Dr John Watson: His watch?
Sherlock Holmes: The time was right, but the date was wrong. Said two days ago. Crossed the date line twice but he didn't alter it.

[Sherlock buzzes Van Coon's neighbor]
Eddie's Neighbour: Hello?
Sherlock Holmes: Hi, um, I live in the flat just below you. I-I don't think we've met.
Eddie's Neighbour: No, well, er, I've just moved in.
Sherlock Holmes: [grimaces] Actually, I've just locked my keys in my flat.
Eddie's Neighbour: Do you want me to buzz you in?
Sherlock Holmes: Yeah. And can we use your balcony?
Eddie's Neighbour: What?
[Cuts to Sherlock jumping off of her balcony onto the one below it]

Dr John Watson: Hi, I have, uh, two tickets reserved for tonight.
Ticket Seller: And what's the name?
Dr John Watson: Uh, Holmes.
Ticket Seller: Actually, I have three in that name.
Dr John Watson: No, I don't think so. We only booked two.
Sherlock Holmes: [from off screen] Then I phoned back and got one for myself as well.

Sherlock Holmes: We'll just slip off. No need to mention us in your report.
DI Dimmock: Mr. Holmes...
Sherlock Holmes: I have high hopes for you, Inspector. A glittering career.
DI Dimmock: [ruefully] If I go where you point me.
Sherlock Holmes: Exactly.

Sherlock Holmes: [as John enters the room] I said, could you pass me a pen?
Dr John Watson: What? When?
Sherlock Holmes: About an hour ago.
Dr John Watson: Didn't notice I'd gone out, then?

Dr John Watson: Is that my computer?
Sherlock Holmes: Of course.
Dr John Watson: What?
Sherlock Holmes: Mine was in the bedroom.
Dr John Watson: What? And you couldn't be bothered to get up?
[pause as he realizes something]
Dr John Watson: It's password-protected.
Sherlock Holmes: In a manner of speaking. Took me less than a minute to guess yours, not exactly Fort Knox.

Sherlock Holmes: Those symbols at the bank, the graffiti, why were they put there?
Dr John Watson: It was some sort of code?
Sherlock Holmes: Obviously. Why were they painted? Want to communicate, why not use e-mail?
Dr John Watson: Well, maybe he wasn't answering.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, good, you follow.
Dr John Watson: No.

Sherlock Holmes: You've been a while.
Dr John Watson: Yeah, well, you know how it is. Custody sergeants don't really like to be hurried, do they? Just formalities. Fingerprints, charge sheet, and I've got to be in magistrates' court on Tuesday.
Sherlock Holmes: What?
Dr John Watson: *Me*, Sherlock! In court, on Tuesday! They're giving me an ASBO!
Sherlock Holmes: Good, fine.
Dr John Watson: You wanna tell your little pal he's welcome to go and own up any time.

Dr John Watson: It's been painted over.
Dr John Watson: I don't understand. It... it was... here. Ten minutes ago. I saw it. A whole lot of graffiti.
Sherlock Holmes: Somebody doesn't want me to see it.
[he grabs Watson's head]
Dr John Watson: Hey. Sherlock, what are you...
Sherlock Holmes: Shh! John, concentrate. I need you to concentrate. Close your eyes.
Dr John Watson: No. What? Why? Why? What are you doing?
Sherlock Holmes: I need you to maximize your visual memory. Try to picture what you saw. Can you picture it?
Dr John Watson: Yeah.
Sherlock Holmes: Can you remember it?
Dr John Watson: Yes, definitely.
Sherlock Holmes: Can you remember the pattern?
Dr John Watson: Yes!
Sherlock Holmes: How much can you remember it?
Dr John Watson: Well, don't worry.
Sherlock Holmes: Because the average human memory on visual matters is only 62 percent accurate.
Dr John Watson: Yeah, well, don't worry, I remember all of it.
Sherlock Holmes: Really?
Dr John Watson: Yeah, well, at least I would if I can get to my pockets. I took a photograph.

Sherlock Holmes: [while being shot at at the Museum] Careful! Some of those skulls are over two hundred thousand years old. Have a bit of respect!
[the gunfire stops]
Sherlock Holmes: Thank you.

Sherlock Holmes: Look at the case. There was something tightly packed inside it.
Dr John Watson: Thanks, I'll... take your word for it.
Sherlock Holmes: Problem?
Dr John Watson: Yeah, I'm not desperate to root around some bloke's dirty underwear.

Dr John Watson: A hairpin for nine million pounds?
Sherlock Holmes: Apparently.
Dr John Watson: Why so much?
Sherlock Holmes: Depends who owned it.

Holmes & Watson. Madrid Days (2012)
Sherlock Holmes: Evil is the engine of our time.

Ángela: Do you think that men getting worse women?
Sherlock Holmes: More of what they already are?

Sherlock Holmes: "From Hell", wrote Jack. He fell short.

Sherlock Holmes: Future is an invention of the winners.

Enrique Valcárcel: How do you know that existed other victim?
Sherlock Holmes: The question is why you didn't know before.

Irene Adler: How is Watson?
Sherlock Holmes: He's married.
Irene Adler: [ironic] Again?

Sherlock Holmes: [about Irene Adler] How can you stand her?
Ángela: Because I love her... and I accept her.

Irene Adler: [after to see a copy of Fortunata y Jacinta in the Holmes room] From when you read Spanish literature?
Sherlock Holmes: I knew the author.

John Watson: [about Crystal Palace in The Buen Retiro Park] It's so luminous, so bright.
Sherlock Holmes: It's so luminous that sun enters the palace to take a sunbathe.

Sherlock Holmes: I think that maybe it's time to retire me. I miss London: his streets, his bikes, his cars, his buildings, his parks... Maybe I could to investigate about bees. Always I was intrigued about the reason they do hexagonal cells. I could live in the country beekeeping, and write a book about it.
John Watson: And maybe a woman?
Sherlock Holmes: [sarcastic] Don't be killjoy Watson! Don't add fog to the landscape.

Sherlock Holmes: I think that we should finish our unfinished business.
Irene Adler: [suspicious] We aren't unfinished business.

Irene Adler: Madrilenians have a proverb: "From Madrid to Heaven". I like to say "From Madrid the heaven".
Sherlock Holmes: Why?
Irene Adler: [suggestive] Because it's hot.

Marqués de Simancas: We have many things in common.
Sherlock Holmes: I can't imagine only one.

Sherlock Holmes: Even in beauty exists ugliness.

Sherlock Holmes: Look out Wilson. Kill is an addiction very hard to get rid.

Sherlock Holmes: How are his notions about Spanish language?
John Watson: [ironic] Excellents. I will not question about his notions: his Spanish language must be so perfect as his swahili.

Mr. Holmes (2015)
Sherlock Holmes: I've decided to write the story down; as it was, not as John made it. Get it right, before I die.
Roger: You're not going to die.
Sherlock Holmes: I'm 93.
Roger: I had a great-uncle who lived to be 102.
Sherlock Holmes: Well done. That seals my fate. What are the odds that you would know two men who would live that long?
Roger: Well, I didn't actually know him.
[Holmes laughs]

[Holmes and Roger tend to some bees]
Roger: You ever been bitten?
Sherlock Holmes: Stung! Bees don't have teeth!
[Mrs Munro appears]
Mrs. Munro: You ever been bitten?
Sherlock Holmes: No. I have never been bit.

Sherlock Holmes: There seems to be an outbreak of mortality.

[Holmes explains a series of deductions about his last client]
Roger: But all that just told you he was married. How did you know he'd come to see you about his wife?
Sherlock Holmes: [smiles] Because when you're a detective, and a man comes to see you, it's usually about his wife.

Sherlock Holmes: I was given a small chest containing the Watson stories, none of which I'd ever actually read. They were, as John always described them, penny dreadfuls with an elevated prose style.

Sherlock Holmes: Exceptional children are often the product of unremarkable parents.

Sherlock Holmes: A man abandoned his family and wrote his son a story. He wouldn't be the first to cloak his cowardice in a flag of sacrifice.

[first lines]
Sherlock Holmes: You shouldn't do that. Tap the glass.
Boy: How did you know I was going to?
Boy's Mother: You must forgive my son, he loves bees.
Sherlock Holmes: It isn't a bee, it's a wasp. Different thing entirely.

Sherlock Holmes: My first foray into the world of fiction. One shouldn't leave this life without a sense of completion.

Sherlock Holmes: I have been alone. All my life. But with the compensations of the intellect.
Ann Kelmot: And is that enough?
Sherlock Holmes: It can be. If one is so fortunate as to find a place in the world. And another soul with whom one's loneliness can reside.

Dr. Barrie: What happens when you don't recall where the telephone is? Or you forget to turn off the gas? You can't live alone.
Sherlock Holmes: I don't live alone, I have the housekeeper!

Sherlock Holmes: And so ends the story about a woman who died before her time, and a man who had long outlived his.

Roger: She wants me to be a bootblack!
Mrs. Munro: Roger!
Roger: She wants me to do what she does!
Mrs. Munro: There's no shame in what I do!
Roger: You complain enough about it! Always going on about how hard things are.
[to Holmes]
Roger: She can barely read!
[Mrs. Munro storms out of the room]
Sherlock Holmes: Go after her. Apologize for saying things that were meant to hurt. You were cruel! If you don't apologize, you will regret it.
Roger: People always say that.
Sherlock Holmes: Because it's true.
Roger: Do *you* regret anything?
Sherlock Holmes: [with feeling] So much.

[Holmes sees Mrs. Munro pouring kerosene on his apiary, and rushes outside]
Sherlock Holmes: You mustn't do that!
Mrs. Munro: My son won't wake. He may never wake. They sent me away till morning. You didn't even have the decency to tell me what'd happened to him!
Sherlock Holmes: I didn't think it would make a difference.
Mrs. Munro: [screaming] I'm his mother! I'm his mother, and you stole him from me! He's all I had! And I've lost him now. Why wasn't it you they did it to? - It should've been you!
Sherlock Holmes: The bees were not to blame.
Mrs. Munro: They're all you care about!
Sherlock Holmes: No! I care about Roger. I care about him very much...!
[He breaks down sobbing]

[solving his last "case"]
Sherlock Holmes: The bees... didn't do it. The bees were not to blame. It was the wasps! Roger was trying to find out what was killing the bees. And he did. He found the wasps' nest. He had to stop them wiping out the bees. And so he did the worst possible thing. He tried to drown them with water from his can.
Mrs. Munro: How do you know it was them?
Sherlock Holmes: Bees leave their stings. Wasps don't. There were no stings left in Roger's face. And when they attacked, he dropped the watering can and ran up to protect the bees. There are his footprints from the apiary to the nest and back.
Mrs. Munro: He was trying to save the bees.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes.
[Together, they pour kerosene on the wasps' nest, and set it ablaze]

[waiting with Mrs. Munro outside Roger's hospital room]
Sherlock Holmes: There was a woman, once. I knew her less than a day. A quarter of an hour's conversation. She needed my help. She needed so desperately to be understood by someone... Me. So, I laid out the particulars of her case as I saw them... To her satisfaction, I thought. I watched her walk away. And within hours she'd ended her life. By identifying the cause of her despair with such clarity, I'd given her carte blanche to do just as she intended. I should've done whatever it took to save her. Lie to her, make up a story. Take her by the hand and hold her as she wept, and said, "Come live with me. "Let us be alone together." But I was fearful. Selfish. She's the reason I came here to my bees, so that I couldn't harm anyone ever again.
Sherlock Holmes: I'm leaving you the house. You and Roger. House, grounds, apiary, everything within and without. And as I shan't change my mind on this point, you will see, I trust, that it will be greatly less complicated for all concerned if the two of you don't go off to somewhere like... Portsmouth.

Sherlock Holmes and the Leading Lady (1991) (TV)
Sherlock Holmes: I think you should go to Viena yourself, Mycroft.
Mycroft Holmes: Come, Sherlock, you very well know that I am not the man to run here and there, to cross-question witnesses, to lie on my face with a lens to my eye, no! The preservation of the civilized world is at stake, and you, and you alone can save it.

Mycroft Holmes: How soon can you depart?
Sherlock Holmes: Watson, why are you not packing our bags?
Dr. Watson: Ah, yes!

Dr. Watson: I can't speak for you, sir, but I have no unconscious mind.
Dr. Sigmund Freud: On the contrary, I might suggest you are entirely unconscious.
Sherlock Holmes: Touché.

Sherlock Holmes: There is never a good reason to conceal the truth.
Eberhardt Bohm: But if a lady involved...
Sherlock Holmes: Haha! An answer I have heard all too oft.
Eberhardt Bohm: Then you must hear it again.

Emperor Franz Joseph: Not only have we followed your adventures, Mr. Holmes, but the Sultan of the Ottoman Empire once kept us waiting for dinner whilst he finished one of the stories of your exploits in the Strand magazine.
Sherlock Holmes: [bows] I am honored, your majesty. And surprised.

Dr. Watson: But he did burgle your room.
Sherlock Holmes: I'm afraid not. The hairs don't match, it was someone else altogether.

Dr. Sigmund Freud: Answer this: what is the room we leave without entering, the room we enter without leaving?
Sherlock Holmes: We are on urgent business, Doctor, I have no time for riddles.
Dr. Sigmund Freud: Could this be because you do not know the answer?
Dr. Sigmund Freud: The room that we leave without entering is the womb. And the room that we enter without leaving, is the tomb.

Laszlo Karparti: And what is your offer, Mr. Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: I will not bargain like a common huckster. I can only appeal to your sense of morality.
[Karparti laughs up'roariously]

Irene Frances Adler: I've come to understand that you are not going to change. And I promise I won't try to change you.
Sherlock Holmes: Kind of you.
[about to take a sip from his champagne]
Irene Frances Adler: So why don't we get married.
[Holmes almost chokes on his drink]

Elliott Ness: Allow me to introduce my self. Ned Elliot, an alias. My Christian name is Elliot. My surname is...
Sherlock Holmes: [interrupting] Ness. Elliot Ness. United States Department of alcohol and firearms.
Sherlock Holmes: How did you...
Elliott Ness: [another interruption] You gave yourself away, young man, the first time that we met when you pretended that you didn't know who I was. Everyone knows who I am.

Sherlock Holmes: And now, thanks to your ineptitude, Mr. Ness, the one remaining link to the prototype lies dead, and we stand here without the faintest idea of the identity of the intended victim.
Elliott Ness: I'm sorry, it's my first case.
Dr. Watson: What a surprise.

Sherlock Holmes: Well I hope the Emperor Franz Joseph's desire for peace rub off on his ally, the Kaizer.
Mycroft Holmes: My own calculations suggest that a war of world wide proportions would have begun, had you not succeeded.
Dr. Watson: Absurd! Needless alarmism.
Mycroft Holmes: Doctor, I hope you're right. Good day.

Dr. Watson: Holmes, you are not seriously thinking of marrying that Adler woman, are you?
Sherlock Holmes: Watson, as you well know, I am not the marrying kind. Yet... a son...

Sherlock Holmes: Elementary, my dear Mr. Simpson-Makepeace

"The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: The Final Problem (#2.6)" (1985)
Sherlock Holmes: [voiceover] I had not been back in Baker Street more than half an hour when...
Mrs. Hudson: [Holmes places French Legion of Honour medal in his desk drawer as he hears Mrs. Hudson outside his rooms] But you cannot go up there, sir!
Moriarty: [Holmes then takes a small pistol from the desk drawer moments before Moriarty bursts in through his door] You have less frontal development than I should have expected.
[notices Holmes' hand in his pocket]
Moriarty: It is a dangerous habit to finger loaded firearms in the pocket of one's dressing-gown.
[Holmes slowly removes the small pistol from his pocket, cocks it, and carefully places it on the table in front of him]

Dr. John Watson: [Holmes signals Watson to let him in through a window to their quarters at 221B Baker Street, gestures for silence, then quickly makes his way to a corner near the front windows] What is it?
Sherlock Holmes: Airguns. A rather special airgun, in fact. Watson, would you have any objection to drawing the blinds, casually, as if you were alone in this room?

Sherlock Holmes: Watson, I think you know me well enough to understand that I am by no means a nervous man, but it is stupidity rather than courage to refuse to recognize danger when it is close upon you.

Sherlock Holmes: This robbery has been carefully planned over months, even years, by a master criminal.
Director of the Louvre: But what professional criminal would want to own the Mona Lisa? That is madness; he can't sell it.

Moriarty: [Moriarty suddenly thrusts his hand inside his coat, prompting Holmes to reach for his pistol, but Moriarty only pulls out a small notebook to read from it] You frustrated me in the affair of the French gold.
Sherlock Holmes: Ah, so it *was* you behind "The Red-Headed League." A very ingenious and well-contrived idea.
Moriarty: High praise, from you. You crossed my path first on the fourth of January. By the middle of February I was seriously inconvenienced by you and at the end of March I was absolutely hampered in my plans. And now with this last business in France, you have placed me in such a position by your continual persecution that I am in positive danger of losing my liberty. The situation is becoming an impossible one.
Sherlock Holmes: Have you any suggestion to make?
Moriarty: You must drop it, Mr. Holmes. You really must, you know.

Moriarty: I am quite sure that a man of your intelligence will see that there can be but one outcome to this affair. It is necessary that you should withdraw. You have worked things in such a fashion that we have only one resource left. It has been an intellectual treat to me to see the way in which you have grappled with this matter, but I say, unaffectedly, that it would be a grief to me to be forced to take an extreme measure.
[Holmes smiles slightly]
Moriarty: Oh, you smile, sir, but it really would, I do assure you.
Sherlock Holmes: Danger is part of my trade.
Moriarty: This is not danger. It is inevitable destruction. You stand in the way not merely of an individual but of a mighty organization, the full extent of which, even you, with all your cleverness, have been unable to realize. You must stand clear, Mr. Holmes, or be trodden under foot.

Sherlock Holmes: Now I am ready to close on him.
Dr. John Watson: If he doesn't close upon you first.

Dr. John Watson: Won't you stay the night?
Sherlock Holmes: No, it's too dangerous for you if I stay here.

Sherlock Holmes: [while disguised] My dear Watson, you haven't even condescended to say good morning to me.

Dr. John Watson: Would you be rid of me?
Sherlock Holmes: No, except for the reasons I've given.

Sherlock Holmes: You will find me a very dangerous companion now.

Sherlock Holmes: [voiceover as his last letter to Watson] Goodbye, and good luck, and believe me to be, my dear fellow, very sincerely yours, Sherlock Holmes.

Moriarty: If you are clever enough to bring destruction on me, rest assured, I shall do as much for you.
Sherlock Holmes: You have paid me several compliments, Mr. Moriarty. Let me pay you one in return when I say that if I were assured of the former eventuality, I would, in the interests of the public, cheerfully accept the latter.
Moriarty: I can promise you the one, but not the other.

"The Return of Sherlock Holmes: The Musgrave Ritual (#1.4)" (1986)
Sir Reginald Musgrave: But you, you, I have noted, are still turning to practical ends those powers with which you used to amaze us at college.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, I'm still living by my wits. And how is the dear wife?
Sir Reginald Musgrave: I'm not married, Holmes.
[Awkward silence]
Sherlock Holmes: How wise!

Sherlock Holmes: The measurements obviously refer to some exact spot to which the rest of the document alludes. We are given two guides.
Dr. Watson: Yes, an elm and an oak.
Sherlock Holmes: [pointing to a spot outside the window] And, gentlemen, there is a patriarch among oaks.

Dr. Watson: If you feel so uncharitable, why'd you accept his invitation?
Sherlock Holmes: To escape my lethargy. And your constant bullying to tidy our room in Baker Street.
Dr. Watson: Huh. Hardly constant.

Dr. John Watson: Surely the house interests you!
Sherlock Holmes: The house is freezing, Watson!
Dr. John Watson: It's history.

Sherlock Holmes: Watson, we must behave ourselves.

Sherlock Holmes: I remember on my last visit he spent several hours explaining to me in French
[starts laughing]
Sherlock Holmes: the origins of the piccolo!

Sherlock Holmes: I am convinced that there are *not* three mysteries here but only one, and the solution of one may prove the solution for the others.

Sherlock Holmes: I must confess that so far I am disappointed in my investigation.

Dr. Watson: What is it?
Sherlock Holmes: Nothing less than a fragment of the ancient crown of the kings of England.

Sherlock Holmes: There can, I think, be no doubt, gentlemen, that this battered and shapeless diadem once encircled the brows of the royal Stuarts.

Sherlock Holmes: Now we must find where the shadow of the elm would have fallen when the sun is just clear of *that*.
Dr. Watson: Well, that will be difficult, Holmes, since the elm's no longer there.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh now, come, Watson. If Brunton can do it, then so can we. The answer lies in trigonometry!

[last lines]
Dr. Watson: Was it chance the wood slipped? Was she only guilty of silence? She had a passionate Celtic soul; the man had wronged her; she had him in her power. Might it not have been vengeance that sent the stone crashing? Her hand that dashed it away. And what has become of her?
Sherlock Holmes: Very probably she's far away from Hurlstone now and carries her secret with her.

"The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: A Scandal in Bohemia (#1.1)" (1984)
Sherlock Holmes: She is a lovely woman, Watson, with a face that a man might die for.
Dr. John Watson: "A face a man might die for?" Unusual language for you, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: A metaphor, Watson, nothing else.

Sherlock Holmes: My mind rebels at stagnation. Give me problems; give me work. Give me the most abstruse cryptogram, the most intricate analysis, and I'm in my proper atmosphere. Then I can dispense with artificial stimulants. But I abhor the dull routine of existence. I crave mental exultation. That is why I have chosen my own profession, or rather, created it, for I am the only one in the world.
Dr. John Watson: The only unofficial detective?
Sherlock Holmes: The only unofficial consulting detective.

Sherlock Holmes: It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data.

Sherlock Holmes: Only a German is so uncourteous to his verbs.

Sherlock Holmes: I am lost without my Boswell.

Sherlock Holmes: You don't mind breaking the law?
Dr. John Watson: Not in the least.
Sherlock Holmes: Nor running the chance of arrest?
Dr. John Watson: Not in a good cause.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, the cause is excellent.
Dr. John Watson: Well, then I am your man.

Sherlock Holmes: [undercover] It is but shallow and the concussion wears off.

Sherlock Holmes: [undercover] I am so sorry, I think I'm going to faint.

Sherlock Holmes: There's money in this case, Watson, if there's nothing else.

Dr. John Watson: [Watson and a disguised Holmes travel by hansom cab to Irene Adler's home to retrieve a compromising photograph] Well, the question is, where to find the photograph? I mean, the house has twice been burgled.
Sherlock Holmes: Ah, she was too clever for them. She is a remarkable woman.
Dr. John Watson: Well, they must have searched very thoroughly.
Sherlock Holmes: *They* did not know how to look.
Dr. John Watson: And how will you look?
Sherlock Holmes: I shall not look.
Dr. John Watson: What, then?
Sherlock Holmes: I will allow her to show me.
Dr. John Watson: [bursts out laughing] But she'll refuse!
Sherlock Holmes: She will not be able to. Ah, we draw near the scene of action. We had better walk from here.
[knocks on the ceiling of the cab]

King of Bohemia: What a woman! What a queen she would have made! Is it not a pity she was not on my level?
Sherlock Holmes: From what I have seen of the lady, yes indeed, she is on a very different level to your Majesty.

Sherlock Holmes: Was there a secret marriage?
King of Bohemia: None.
Sherlock Holmes: No legal papers or certificates?
King of Bohemia: None.
Sherlock Holmes: Then I fail to follow your Majesty. If the person should produce your letters for blackmailing or other purposes, how is she to prove their authenticity?
King of Bohemia: There is the writing.
Sherlock Holmes: Pooh, pooh! Forgery!
King of Bohemia: My private writing paper.
Sherlock Holmes: Stolen!
King of Bohemia: My own seal.
Sherlock Holmes: Imitated!
King of Bohemia: My photograph.
Sherlock Holmes: Bought!
King of Bohemia: [slowly saying] We... were both in... the photograph.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh dear, dear, dear. Yes, that is very bad. Your Majesty has certainly committed an indiscretion.

"The Return of Sherlock Holmes: The Six Napoleons (#1.7)" (1986)
Inspector Lestrade: If it might interest you, Mister Holmes...
Sherlock Holmes: [Staring intently at a dead body in the morgue] Forgive me, Lestrade; I was just contemplating the one mystery that not even I can solve... Death itself!

Sherlock Holmes: I would be grateful, Lestrade, if you could make it convenient to come around to Baker Street at six o'clock this evening. Until then I would like to keep this photograph found in the dead man's pocket.
Inspector Lestrade: Ah, Mr. Holmes, that might be a vital clue.
Sherlock Holmes: I trust it is; otherwise it's of no interest to me.

[When asked about Lestrade's theory about the six Napoleons]
Sherlock Holmes: I'm sure that they have the greatest interest, but I regret to say I've not listened to a word of them.

[Holmes, Watson, and Lestrade are on a stakeout]
[Watson sneezes]
Sherlock Holmes: Watson, if you've caught a cold, it's your fault. You left the rugs behind.
Dr. Watson: Sorry, Holmes.

Inspector Lestrade: Don't suppose we can smoke, can we?
Sherlock Holmes: [immediately] No.
Inspector Lestrade: No. Thought as much.

Dr. Watson: Have a humbug, Lestrade.
Sherlock Holmes: Watson, this is no time for humbugs!

Sherlock Holmes: And now, Watson, I commend to you the universal answer to almost all problems.
Dr. Watson: What's that, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: Sleep.

Sherlock Holmes: I dare call nothing trivial, Lestrade. Some of my most classic cases have had the least promising commencement.
Dr. Watson: Yeah. That dreadful business of the Abernetty family.
Sherlock Holmes: Yah! Woo.
Inspector Lestrade: I'd hardly call the dismemberment of an entire family trivial.
[Watson laughs]
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, Watson, would you be so kind as to explain?
Dr. Watson: What? Oh, uh, the point is that, um, it only came to Holmes's notice because of the depth to which the parsley had sunk into the butter on a hot day.

[Lestrade visits Holmes and Watson in their rooms at 221B Baker Street]
Dr. Watson: Anything remarkable on hand, Lestrade?
Inspector Lestrade: No, nothing in particular.
Sherlock Holmes: [after a long pause, lowers the newspaper he's reading and smiles at Lestrade] Then tell us about it.

Inspector Lestrade: [Lestrade speaks slowly, deliberately, and sincerely without his usual arrogance] I've seen you handle a good many cases in my time, but I don't know that I ever knew a more workmanlike one than this.
[Holmes beams with pride]
Inspector Lestrade: We're not jealous of you, you know, at Scotland Yard. No, sir, we're proud of you.
[Holmes seems startled by this revelation]
Inspector Lestrade: And if you come down tomorrow, there's not a man from the oldest inspector to the youngest constable... who wouldn't be glad to shake you by the hand.
Sherlock Holmes: Thank you!
[Then quietly and softly with uncharacteristic humility]
Sherlock Holmes: Thank you.

Sherlock Holmes: [as a prelude to his explanation on how he solved the case] Observe... and learn!

Dressed to Kill (1946)
Holmes: The truth is only arrived at... by the pain staking process of eliminating the untrue.

Watson: I say, Holmes?
Holmes: What?
Watson: It's morning.
Holmes: Allow me to congratulate you on a brilliant bit of deduction.

Watson: Humph, Irene Adler, what a striking looking woman from the brief glance I had of her. Seems only yesterday. What charm. Hmmmm. What poise. And what a mind! Sharp enough and brilliant enough to outwit the-the great Sherlock Holmes himself!
Holmes: I take it that the new issue of the Strand Magazine is out containing another of your slightly lurid tales.
Watson: It is indeed!
Holmes: And what do you call this one?
Watson: I call it "A Scandal in Bohemia." Not a bad title, huh?
Holmes: Hmm. If you must record my exploits, I do wish you would put less emphasis on the melodramatic and more on the intellectual issues involved.
Watson: More on the intel... what do you mean by that?
Holmes: Well I do hope you've given, um, *The* Woman a soul, she had one, you know.
Watson: By *The* Woman, I suppose you mean Irene Adler?
Holmes: Yes... I shall always remember her... as *The* Woman.

Commissioner of Scotland Yard: Before going further, Dr. Watson, I must inform you that this matter is not to be mentioned outside of this room.
Watson: [Indignantly] Of course not. Do I look like a man who'd gossip?
Holmes: Let's not go into that now, old fellow, shall we?

'Stinky' Emery: [remarking on one of his music boxes] Charming, isn't it?
Holmes: Quite!
Watson: [bored] They all sound to me like a lot of mice running about a tin roof.

Watson: [remarking on the stolen music box] But that box is only worth two pounds!
Holmes: It's worth a man's life, Watson!

Watson: Holmes! You all right?
Holmes: Perfectly, thank you, old fellow, but I think this gentleman on the floor requires some medical attention. We must see that he looks his best, you know, when he's hanged.

Holmes: Elementary, my dear fellow, one of the first principles in solving crime is never to disregard anything no matter how trivial.

Holmes: However, it's a mistake to accept something that's true merely because it's obvious.

Holmes: [Holmes and Watson are in a pub to see Joe Cisto, a piano player. Holmes introduces Cisto to Watson] I want you to meet a friend of mine, Dr. Watson. Joe Cisto.
Joe Cisto: Oh, well, any friend of Mr. Holmes is a friend of mine.
Watson: How are you, Joe?
Joe Cisto: He did me a good turn once that I'll never forget.
Holmes: Yes, I cleared Joe of a most unpleasant charge.
Joe Cisto: Murder no less.
Watson: Oh, really?
Holmes: By proving to the satisfaction of the police that he was busy at the time blowing open someone's safe.

[last lines]
Inspector Hopkins: I still don't understand how you solved it, Mr. Holmes.
Holmes: It's entirely due to Doctor Watson. He gave me the clue when he mentioned Doctor Samuel Johnson.
Inspector Hopkins: Well, congratulations, Doctor.
Watson: Oh, thank you, Inspector. I don't think I could have done it entirely without Mr. Holmes' help, you know.

"The Return of Sherlock Holmes: The Empty House (#1.1)" (1986)
Sherlock Holmes: It's no joke when a tall man has to take a foot off his stature for several hours on end.

Sherlock Holmes: About that chasm... I had no serious difficulty in getting out of it for the simple reason that I was never in it.

Sherlock Holmes: My dear fellow, we have a hard and dangerous night's work ahead of us.

Sherlock Holmes: It was a few months later that I read with great interest your description of my death. It was excellently done, a most picturesque and exciting piece of fiction.
Dr. John Watson: I'm certainly glad from the bottom of my heart that it was fiction.

Dr. John Watson: I would have thought I was as trustworthy as your brother.
Sherlock Holmes: Of course you are, Watson!
Sherlock Holmes: But you have a kinder heart.

Sherlock Holmes: Watson, may I occupy your couch for a few hours?

Sherlock Holmes: [to Lestrade] You seem to want some unofficial help. Three undetected murders in one year won't do, you know.

Sherlock Holmes: There's no sign of the bullet.
Mrs. Hudson: Oh! Excuse me, sir. Er, a moment, if you please?
Sherlock Holmes: What is it?
[she thrusts her tray into his hands and reaches into her pocket]
Mrs. Hudson: I have it here. I picked it up off the carpet.
Sherlock Holmes: Mrs. Hudson, you are becoming indispensable.

Sherlock Holmes: How many times have you not tethered a young kid under a tree, laid above it with your rifle and waited for your bait to bring out your tiger? This empty house is *my* tree and you are my tiger!

Sherlock Holmes: [in disguise] Just the books to fill up your bookcase. It looks untidy, does it not?
[Watson gets up to look, turns back to see Holmes has stripped off his disguise]
Sherlock Holmes: Watson, do you mind if I smoke a cigarette in your consulting room?

Sherlock Holmes: Parker by name. A garroter by trade.
[referring to Moriarty's confederate who kept 221b Baker Street under surveillance]

"The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: The Naval Treaty (#1.3)" (1984)
Dr. John Watson: Come along, Holmes, that bandage tells of adventures. Now what happened?
Sherlock Holmes: After breakfast, my dear Watson. Remember I have breathed thirty miles of Surrey air this morning.

Annie Harrison: You suspect someone?
Sherlock Holmes: I suspect... myself.
Annie Harrison: What?
Sherlock Holmes: Of coming to conclusions too rapidly.

Inspector Forbes: I know about your methods. You're ready enough to use our information, then you try and finish the case yourself and bring discredit on us.
Sherlock Holmes: On the contrary. In my last 53 cases, my name has appeared in only four and the police have the credit in 49. I don't blame you for not knowing this. You are young and inexperienced. But if you wish to get on in your duties, you will work with me and not against me!

Sherlock Holmes: What a lovely thing a rose is. There is nothing in which deduction is so necessary as in religion. It can be built up as an exact science by the reasoner. Our highest assurance of the goodness of Providence seems to me to rest in the flowers. It is only goodness which gives extras, and so I say again we have much to hope for from the flowers.

Sherlock Holmes: Help yourself to tobacco from the Persian slipper.

Sherlock Holmes: You are the stormy petrel of crime, Watson.

Sherlock Holmes: *That* is of enormous importance.

Sherlock Holmes: I've got what I want. Run.

[last lines]
Mrs. Hudson: Mr. Holmes. Hot water.
Sherlock Holmes: [laughs] Thank you.

[Contriving an excuse for Percy Phelps to leave his country home, Holmes reunites with Phelps and Dr. Watson the next morning at 221B Baker Street]
Dr. John Watson: [noticing Holmes' bandaged hand] Holmes! You're wounded!
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, it's only a scratch through my own clumsiness. Good morning, Mr. Phelps, This case of yours is certainly one of the darkest I have ever investigated.

The Hound of the Baskervilles (1988) (TV)
Sherlock Holmes: You impress me, Doctor Mortimer. Was there anything else?
Dr. Mortimer: Yes.
Sherlock Holmes: Footprints? A man or a woman's?
Dr. Mortimer: Mr. Holmes, they were the footprints of a gigantic hound!

[first lines]
Dr. John Watson: Finished.
Dr. John Watson: Aah!
[picks up and studies walking stick]
Sherlock Holmes: [with his back to Watson] What do you make of it, Watson?
Dr. John Watson: What? Huh,I believe you've got eyes in the back of your head, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, I have a well-polished coffee pot in front of me.

Sherlock Holmes: It may be that you are not yourself luminous but you are a conductor of light. Some people without possessing genius have a remarkable power for stimulating it. I... I confess that, my dear fellow, I'm very much in your debt.

Dr. Mortimer: You interest me very much, Mr. Holmes. I had hardly expected so dolichocephalic a skull, or such well-marked supra-orbital development. Would you have any objection to my running my finger along your parietal fissure?
Sherlock Holmes: *Please*, Dr. Mortimer.
Dr. Mortimer: A cast of your skull Sir, until the original becomes available?
[Holmes bursts into laughter]
Dr. Mortimer: It is not my intention to be fulsome, but I confess, I covet your skull.
Sherlock Holmes: Behave and sit down, Dr. Mortimer.
[Gesturing to the chair]
Dr. Mortimer: [dog sits beside Mr. Mortimer] Spot. Yes, good boy.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, I presume it was not your phrenological passion which drew you to Baker Street.
Dr. Mortimer: Unfortunately it was not, Sir.

Sherlock Holmes: It's an ugly, dangerous business, Watson. Believe me, I shall be very glad to have you back safe and sound at Baker Street once more.

Sherlock Holmes: It is a worthy setting if the devil did decide to dabble in the affairs of men.

Sherlock Holmes: When I see a cigarette stub marked Bradley, Oxford Street, I know my friend Watson is in the neighborhood. Be careful of that gun.
Dr. John Watson: I thought you were in Baker Street working on that case of blackmail.
Sherlock Holmes: That is what I wished you to think.

Dr. John Watson: [looking at the stew Holmes has made] It's quite disgusting, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes. Yes, it is. Well, it's better when it's hot.

Sherlock Holmes: This case possesses features which are entirely its own.

[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: I have tickets for 'Les Huguenots' at Covent Garden. A little dinner at Marcini's on the way.
Dr. John Watson: Wonderful, Holmes.

"Elementary: Details (#1.16)" (2013)
[trying to teach Watson self-defense, Holmes hits her in the back with a tennis ball]
Dr. Joan Watson: Ow! What the hell was that about?
Sherlock Holmes: Don't be cross. It could have been a knife.

Sherlock Holmes: Nothing makes a smart man stupid like a quest for vengeance.

[first lines]
Dr. Joan Watson: Sherlock, you home?
[she turns on the foyer light, nothing happens]
Dr. Joan Watson: I think we need a new bulb in the foyer.
[a man in a ski mask appears behind her]
Sherlock Holmes: [disguised voice] You tell me where Holmes is, and I'll let you live.
[Joan gropes in her purse]
Sherlock Holmes: [holds up a mace can] Looking for this? I'm going to ask you one last time: where is Holmes?
[Joan runs into the living room, and trips on a wire]
Sherlock Holmes: [normal voice] That's pathetic.
Dr. Joan Watson: Sherlock?
[Furious, she jumps to her feet and punches him in the chest]
Sherlock Holmes: *Now* you hit me? Seriously?

Sherlock Holmes: In the meantime, you should expect more guerilla-style tests of your ability to fight back!
[Watson's door slams]
Sherlock Holmes: You have been warned.

Sherlock Holmes: I know that you lied to me. Several weeks ago when you said that my father had renewed your contract. I found out when I telephoned him last week. I'm not angry. If anything, I am grateful. You saw that I was in a raw state and you stayed to see me through it. Now when I learned of the lie, however, I deliberately adopted a more sanguine mood. I wanted you to see that I was well again. So that you could move on, but the most curious thing happened: you stayed. Days passed, then a week. It became clearer and clearer that you were not staying for me, but for yourself.
Dr. Joan Watson: Sherlock, I...
Sherlock Holmes: It's difficult for you to say aloud, I know. So I won't ask you to, rather I would ask you to consider a proposal: stay on permanently. Not as my sober companion, but as my companion. Allow me to continue to teach you, assist me in my investigations. In return, you will receive a stipend that will, at least, equal the salary my father was paying you.
Dr. Joan Watson: You don't even have a source of income.
Sherlock Holmes: I have certain funds set aside. You may continue to reside at the brownstone, you may reside elsewhere. You may also consider yourself relieved of any and all confidentiality burdens with regards to my sobriety.
[Joan is silent]
Sherlock Holmes: This is an important decision, and I encourage you to discuss it with others. Explain what you have been to me, and what I believe you can be to me: a partner.
[He turns to leave, but turns back, embarrassed]
Sherlock Holmes: And lest you think this is an act of charity, a gift from a grateful client, let me assure you it is not. I am... better with you, Watson. I'm sharper, I'm more focused. Difficult to say why exactly. Perhaps in time I'll solve that as well.

[last lines]
Dr. Joan Watson: Just one more thing for this to work.
Sherlock Holmes: Yeah, what's that?
[She slams a basketball into his face]
Sherlock Holmes: Ow!
Dr. Joan Watson: Could have been a knife.

Sherlock Holmes: [leaving Gregson's office] You're uncomfortable with the lie we told. You shouldn't be.
Detective Marcus Bell: Easy for you to say.
Sherlock Holmes: Why? Because I'm a mere consultant, and you're a *real* policeman? You think I don't have as much respect for the Captain as you do?
Detective Marcus Bell: No, of course not.
Sherlock Holmes: I removed the gun from your apartment for two reasons. Firstly, I'm absolutely certain that you didn't shoot Curtis Bradshaw. Why? Because only an idiot would have brought the gun back to his apartment after he'd used it, and you, Detective, are not an idiot.
Detective Marcus Bell: Thank you.
Sherlock Holmes: Secondly, I don't want to put *our* friend, the Captain, in the unenviable position of having to open a case against his favored apprentice and right hand man. If he knew the gun was found at your apartment, he would have no choice but to inform Internal Affairs. The last thing our investigation needs right now is a jaunt around the bureaucratic maypole, wouldn't you agree?

[Watson comes home to find the stereo turned up full blast, and Holmes firing a pistol into his practice dummy]
Dr. Joan Watson: Is this another test of my reflexes? Because you're about to see how fast I can call the police.
Sherlock Holmes: Watson! You startled me.
[turns down the stereo]
Sherlock Holmes: Sorry about the din, I needed something to obscure the sound of my ballistics exam.
Dr. Joan Watson: Okay, this is a residence. There are people who live in this neighborhood. You don't do a ballistics exam here. In fact, you don't do a ballistics exam at all!

Sherlock Holmes: [re: Bell's old partner, Officer Reyes] She boxes. I noticed that from the tape marks on her knuckles. Perhaps you should ask for some lessons, get an idea of what it'd be like to go up against someone in your weight class?
Dr. Joan Watson: You sure this new interest in my safety has nothing to do with watching two women engage in some foxy boxing?
Sherlock Holmes: You think you're foxy?

Sherlock Holmes: It's funny, Detective - the second I heard about the attempt on your life, I dove into your case history. I thought it would only be a matter of time before the culprit's identity presented itself. I was wrong. You've done excellent work over the years. Made a lot of enemies. There's no shortage of people who would like to see you dead.
Detective Marcus Bell: You say it like it's a good thing.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, there is, in my humble opinion, no greater compliment an investigator can receive. Speaks to the quality of your work.

The Pearl of Death (1944)
Sherlock Holmes: This man pervades Europe like a plague, yet no one has heard of him. That's what puts him on the pinnacle in the records of crime.
Dr. John H. Watson: What's he do?
Sherlock Holmes: Everything and nothing. In his whole diabolical career, the police have never been able to pin anything on him. And yet, show me crime without motive, robbery without a clue, murder without a trace and I'll show you Giles Conover.
Dr. John H. Watson: But that's amazing, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: Two years ago, he disappeared from his usual haunts and I have every reason to believe that he... Oh, here it is... I've every reason to believe that he's back in England again. If I could free society of this sinister creature, I should feel that my own career had reached it's summit.

Sherlock Holmes: I don't like your work, Conover. I've seen quite a bit of it both here in London and and elsewhere on the continent. Don't like the smell of you either. That underground smell, the sick sweetness of decay. You haven't robbed and killed merely for gain like any ordinary halfway decent thug. No, you're in love with cruelty for it's own sake.

Dr. John H. Watson: Well, how... how does the, uh, the thing work?
Sherlock Holmes: Electricity. The high priest of false security.

Sherlock Holmes: My dear Watson, I really must caution you against hitting newspaper reporters in the teeth...

Sherlock Holmes: Watson, look sharp, will you? Go to that door to the alley, and do exactly as I tell you.
Dr. John H. Watson: Huh?
Sherlock Holmes: No, not "huh". Just do it.

Dr. John H. Watson: Amazing. And the Borgia Pearl's inside that?
Sherlock Holmes: If it isn't, I shall retire to Sussex and keep bees.

Dr. John H. Watson: [viewing the Borgia Pearl] Huh, can't be real.
Sherlock Holmes: Real as death, old fellow, with the blood of twenty men upon it down through the centuries.

Sherlock Holmes: [sitting down gingerly to remove his make-up] Oh, I'm as stiff as a varnished eel!

Inspector Lestrade: When a lady gets hysterical...
Sherlock Holmes: She may do many desperate things but, my dear Lestrade, she does not run around the walls like a mouse.

[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: What's Conover? No more than a symbol of the greed and cruelty and lust for power that have set men at each other's throats down through the centuries... and the struggle will go on, Watson, for a pearl... kingdom... perhaps even world dominion... till the greed and cruelty have burned out of every last one of us... and when that time comes... perhaps even the pearl... will be washed clean again.

"The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes: The Disappearance of Lady Frances Carfax (#1.1)" (1991)
Sherlock Holmes: Watson! Quick, man! It's life or death - a hundred chances on death and one on life!

Albert Shlessinger: What the devil do you mean by this sacrilege?
Sherlock Holmes: Murder, sir!

Sherlock Holmes: Watson, you're a brick.

Sherlock Holmes: Read.
Mrs. Hudson: Mr. Holmes...
Sherlock Holmes: READ!

Sherlock Holmes: *How* did you send him packing?

Sherlock Holmes: Your further aliases I will not bore you by repeating.

Albert Shlessinger: Why, you're a common burgler!
Sherlock Holmes: And my friend is a dangerous ruffian. Together we mean to go through your house.

Sherlock Holmes: What has happened to any brains that God has given me?

Sherlock Holmes: One of the most dangerous classes in the world is the drifting and friendless woman. With no-one to protect and guide her, she is the inevitable inciter of crime in others.

Sherlock Holmes: I've failed.

"The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: The Greek Interpreter (#2.2)" (1985)
Dr Watson: I didn't know you had a brother.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh yes. And I can assure you that he possesses a far greater faculty for observation and deduction than I do.
Dr Watson: Holmes, I know that you are a modest man...
[Holmes laughs]

Sherlock Holmes: If the art of the detective began and ended in reasoning from an armchair, my brother would be the greatest criminal agent that ever lived.

Mycroft Holmes: Look at those two men, Sherlock. What do you make of them?
Sherlock Holmes: Of the billiard-marker and the other?
Mycroft Holmes: Precisely.

Mycroft Holmes: Come in, Sherlock! Come in, sir! You don't expect such energy from me, do you, Sherlock, hmm?
Sherlock Holmes: How did you get here?
Mycroft Holmes: I passed you while you were in the telegraph office.

Sherlock Holmes: Can you not find a magistrate to sign this warrant for us?
Inspector Gregson: At this hour?
Sherlock Holmes: At this very minute. Or kidnapping could become murder!
Inspector Gregson: I can but try.
Sherlock Holmes: Please do.

Sherlock Holmes: The nest is empty and the birds are flown.

Sherlock Holmes: There's danger enough for the two of us.

Sherlock Holmes: Why the police, Mr. Latimer? Were you expecting to meet them?

Sherlock Holmes: Well, brother mine, we seem to be headed down the path of crime.

[last lines]
Dr Watson: What'll become of her?
Sherlock Holmes: After questioning, nothing. It's not a crime to have a cold heart and not a single shred of compassion.

"The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: The Red Headed League (#2.5)" (1985)
Dr. John Watson: What are you going to do?
Sherlock Holmes: To smoke. It is quite a three-pipe problem, and I beg that you won't speak to me for fifty minutes.

Sherlock Holmes: Watson, we are spies in an enemy's territory.

Sherlock Holmes: I never guess.

Sherlock Holmes: Excellent, Watson. You have a future as a cartographer.

Sherlock Holmes: [about Inspector Jones] He is an absolute imbecile at his profession but he does have the tenacity of a lobster when he gets his claws into someone.

Sherlock Holmes: You, sir, should know, being not only the resident manager but also the director.
Mr. Merryweather: I should know and I do know!

[first lines]
Sherlock Holmes: Hm!
Dr. John Watson: [entering] Oh. Sorry, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: No no. You couldn't have come at a better time.
Dr. John Watson: Well, I was, I was afraid you were engaged.
Sherlock Holmes: I am. Very much so.

Sherlock Holmes: Now I begin to think my reputation, such as it is, will suffer shipwreck if I am so candid. 'Omne ignotum pro magnifico.'
Dr. John Watson: [to Mr. Wilson] Everything becomes commonplace by explanation.
Sherlock Holmes: Watson, that is a very loose translation!

[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: Sometimes I think my whole life is spent in one long effort to escape from the commonplaces of existence.
Dr. John Watson: No no, you are a benefactor of the race, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, maybe it is of some little use after all. "L'homme c'est rien - l'oeuvre c'est tout," as Gustave Flaubert wrote to Georges Sand. Hm?

The Hound of the Baskervilles (1939)
[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, Watson... the needle.

James Mortimer, M.D.: Mr. Holmes, you're the one man in all of England who can help me.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, won't you sit down.
James Mortimer, M.D.: Thank you. A friend of mine is in grave danger.
Sherlock Holmes: May I inquire his name?
James Mortimer, M.D.: Sir Henry Baskerville. Hier to the estate of Baskerville Hall.
[Holmes and Watson exchange a look]
James Mortimer, M.D.: I am in mortal fear Sir Henry's life will be... snuffed out.

Sherlock Holmes: There are still some gaps to be filled in, but all in all, things are becoming a little clearer.
Dr. Watson: Not to me, I assure you. It's still a hopeless jumble. Mr. Franklin, Doctor Mortimer, the Barrymans... put it all together and what have you got?
Sherlock Holmes: Murder, my dear Watson. Refined, cold-blooded murder.
Dr. Watson: Murder?
Sherlock Holmes: There's no doubt about it in my mind. Or perhaps I should say, in my imagination. For that's where crimes are conceived and where they're solved... in the imagination.

Dr. Watson: It's a pity you didn't think about bringing that infernal violin of yours... to regale me with some of your enchanting music!
Sherlock Holmes: I *did*, my dear Watson! Anything to oblige!
[he whips out the violin and begins to play]

Dr. Watson: Then, why are we rushing up to London, leaving Sir Henry entirely unprotected?
Sherlock Holmes: We're not, my dear Watson. We're just giving the impression of rushing up to London.

Sherlock Holmes: The only way is to catch him red handed. To catch him in such a way that there's no escape, no alibi. That means gambling with Sir Henry's life.
Dr. Watson: [horrified] But you can't poss...
Sherlock Holmes: Gambling to save his life. But we've got to take that chance.

Sherlock Holmes: Do you remember that missing boot, Watson? Why do you suppose the brown one, the one that had never been worn, was so mysteriously replaced and the black one taken?
Dr. Watson: Why?
Sherlock Holmes: Because a boot that had never been worn wouldn't have had the scent of the owner... and the black one had!

Sherlock Holmes: Did he tell you his name?
Cabby: Yes sir.
Sherlock Holmes: What did he say it was?
Cabby: Sherlock Holmes, sir
Sherlock Holmes: What?
Cabby: Well, that's the name what he give me, sir. Sherlock Holmes!
[all laugh]
Sherlock Holmes: Well, whoever it is, at least has a sense of humor!

Sherlock Holmes: [a portrait that he has just seen fascinates him] You must... you must dine with us before you sail.
Sir Henry Baskerville: Well, there's the old boy himself... Sir Hugo. Hugo, the Beast of the Baskervilles.
Dr. Watson: Not a bad bit of brush work. By Ransome, one of the minor painters.
Sir Henry Baskerville: Oh, I don't imagine it's very valuable.
Sherlock Holmes: I can't quite agree with you, Sir Henry.
Sherlock Holmes: [ominously] One day, it might prove to be of the greatest value.

Pursuit to Algiers (1945)
Sheila Woodbury: You're a darling.
[kisses Sherlock Holmes on the cheek and walks away]
Dr. John H. Watson: Huh. Extraordinary sight.
Sherlock Holmes: Elementary my dear Watson, and very pleasant.

Dr. John H. Watson: Holmes! But the wireless said your plane crashed! No survivors!
Sherlock Holmes: It was shot down, Watson.

Sherlock Holmes: My dear Nikolas, apparently you don't realize that it's tea that has made the British Empire, and Watson, what they are today.

Dr. John H. Watson: I don't understand, Holmes. She seems too nice a girl. She sings charmingly.
Sherlock Holmes: My dear fellow, musical talent is hardly evidence of innocence. As a matter of fact, the late Professor Moriarity was a virtuoso on the bassoon.

Sherlock Holmes: Possibly, poison is a woman's weapon.

Sherlock Holmes: Well, if one isn't willing to pay the penalty, one shouldn't play the game.

Sherlock Holmes: Brooklyn. Well, I knew a most charming man who lived there once. Uh he's now a resident in Sing Sing Prison.

Sherlock Holmes: Oh, so the old girl has lost her emeralds, eh?

[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, Watson, let me advise you. If you ever consider taking up another profession, never even *think* of becoming an actor.

"The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: The Copper Beeches (#2.1)" (1985)
[first lines]
Dr Watson: Something wrong?
Sherlock Holmes: To the man who loves art for its own sake, it is frequently in its least important and lowliest manifestations that the keenest pleasure is to be derived.

Sherlock Holmes: Dear Miss Hunter, as your mind is already made up, the matter *is* settled.

Dr Watson: I wonder what desperate circumstances could occasion such an appeal.
Sherlock Holmes: I have devised seven separate explanations, each of which would cover the facts as far as we know them.
Dr Watson: Oh, and which one do you favour, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: At the moment, I have no favourites. Data, data, data! I cannot make bricks without clay!

Sherlock Holmes: There has been some villainy here.

Jephro Rucastle: Where is my daughter?
Sherlock Holmes: It is for me to ask you that!

[last lines]
Dr Watson: [after reading Holmes his account of the case] There, Holmes. Your verdict.
Sherlock Holmes: An admirable account, Watson.
Dr Watson: Oh, you don't think I've put "too much colour and life" into it?
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, my dear friend, I humbly defer such considerations to your excellent literary judgement.
Dr Watson: [after a pause] Good.

Sherlock Holmes: I should allow no sister of mine to accept such a situation.

Mrs. Toller: Mr. Fowler, being a persevering gentleman, as a good sailor should be, blockaded the house.
Sherlock Holmes: And having met you, succeeded by certain arguments, metallic and otherwise, in convincing you that your interests were the same as his?
Mrs. Toller: Mr. Fowler was a very kind-spoken, free-handed gentleman.

Dr. John Watson: What delightful little farms these are, don't you agree? Aren't they fresh and beautiful?
Sherlock Holmes: Do you know, Watson, it is one of the curses of having a mind with a turn like mine that I must look at everything with reference to my own special subject.
Dr. John Watson: Well, it doesn't make the scenery any less admirable, does it?
Sherlock Holmes: You look at these scattered houses, and you are impressed by their beauty. I look at them, and the only thought which comes to me is a feeling of their isolation and of the impunity with which crime may be committed there.
Dr. John Watson: Good heavens, who would associate crime with these dear old homesteads?
Sherlock Holmes: They always fill me with a sudden horror. It is my belief Watson, founded upon my experience, that the lowest and vilest alleys in London do not present a more dreadful record of sin than does the smiling and beautiful countryside.

The Seven-Per-Cent Solution (1976)
Sigmund Freud: Who am I, that your friends should wish us to meet?
Sherlock Holmes: Beyond the fact that you are a brilliant Jewish physician who was born in Hungary and studied for a while in Paris, and that certain radical theories of yours have alienated the respectable medical community so that you have severed your connections with various hospitals and branches of the medical fraternity, beyond this I can deduce little. You're married, with a child of... five. You enjoy Shakespeare and possess a sense of honour.

Sherlock Holmes: I never guess: it is an appalling habit, destructive to the logical faculty. A private study is an ideal place for observing facets of a man's character. That the study belongs to you exclusively is evident from the dust: not even the maid is permitted here, else she would scarcely have ventured to let matters come to this pass.
Sigmund Freud: Go on.
Sherlock Holmes: Very well. Now, when a man collects books on a subject, they're usually grouped together, but notice, your King James Bible, your Book of Mormon, and Koran are separate, across the room in fact, from your Hebrew Bible and Talmud, which sit on your desk. Now these books have a special importance for you not connected with a general study of religion, obviously. The nine-branched candelabra on your desk confirms my suspicion that you are of the Jewish faith; it is called a menorah, is it not?
Sigmund Freud: Yah.
Sherlock Holmes: That you studied medicine in Paris is to be inferred from the great number of medical texts in that language. Where else should a German use French textbooks but in France, and who but a brilliant German could understand the complexities of medicine in a foreign tongue? That you're fond of Shakespeare is to be deduced from this book, which is lying face downwards. The fact that you have not adjusted the volume suggests to my mind that you no doubt intended referring to it again in the near future. (Hm, not my favorite play.) The absence of dust on the cover would tend to confirm this hypothesis. That you're a physician is evident when I observe you maintain a consulting room. Your separation from various societies is indicated by these blank spaces surrounding your diploma, clearly used at one time to display additional certificates. Now, what can it be that forces a man to remove these testimonials to his success? Why, only that he has ceased to affiliate himself with these various societies and hospitals and so forth, and why do this, having once troubled to join them all? It is possible that he became disenchanted with one or two of them, but NOT likely that his disillusionment extended to all. Rather, I postulate it is THEY who became disenchanted with YOU, doctor, and asked you to resign, from all of them. Why, I've no idea. But some position you have taken, evidently a medical one, has discredited you in their eyes. I take the liberty of inferring a theory of some sort, too radical or shocking to gain ready acceptance in current medical thinking. Your wedding ring tells me of your marriage, your Balkanized accent hints Hungary or Moravia, the toy soldier on the floor here ought, I think, to belong to a... small boy of five? Have I omitted anything of importance?
Sigmund Freud: My sense of honour.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, it is implied by the fact that you have removed the plaques from the societies to which you no longer belong. In the privacy of your study, only you would know the difference.

[as Holmes' boat pulls away]
Dr. John H. Watson: But how will you live?
Sherlock Holmes: When my arm is better, you would do well to follow the concert career of a violinist... named Sigerson!
Dr. John H. Watson: But your readers - my readers - what will I tell them?
Sherlock Holmes: Anything you like! Tell them I was murdered by my mathematics tutor; they'll never believe you in any case!

[Last lines; after meeting unexpectedly on the boat]
Lola Deveraux: Journeys alone are always so tedious, don't you find? 'Specially when they are long.
Sherlock Holmes: Will this be a long journey?
Lola Deveraux: That all depends. But I do think it will seem shorter if there are two of us... don't you?
Sherlock Holmes: I hope it will not seem too short.

Sherlock Holmes: [stopping Watson abruptly] Mind the vanilla extract!

Sherlock Holmes: No, Watson! The Queen wouldn't like it!

Sherlock Holmes: [to Doctor Watson] You insufferable cripple.

[first lines]
Dr. John H. Watson: [Watson rings the doorbell of 221-B Baker Street] It was October the 24th, in the year 1891. that I heard for the first time in four months from my friend Sherlock Holmes. On this particular day, a telegram from his landlady, Mrs. Hudson, had been delivered to my surgery, imploring me to return to my former rooms without delay.
Mrs. Hudson: [Mrs. Hudson opens the front door] Oh, Dr. Watson, thank heavens you've come; I'm at my wit's end.
Dr. John H. Watson: Why, what has happened?
Mrs. Hudson: Since you left us these last few months, he's been very strange. He's barricaded himself up there, he won't take his food, he keeps the oddest of hours. I think he's taking...
Sherlock Holmes: [from his bedroom] Mrs. Hudson! I know there's someone down there with you! I heard the cab stop before the door!
Mrs. Hudson: He keeps babbling on about some...
Sherlock Holmes: [from his bedroom] Mrs. Hudson, if that gentleman answers to the name Moriarty, you may show him up, and I will deal with him!
Dr. John H. Watson: I better go to him.
Mrs. Hudson: [Watson goes up the staircase] Oh, be careful.
Dr. John H. Watson: Moriarty was a name I'd only known him to mutter... when in the thrall of one of his cocaine injections.
[Watson knocks at Sherlock's bedroom door]
Sherlock Holmes: [from within his bedroom] Is that you, Moriarty?
Dr. John H. Watson: It is I, Watson.
Sherlock Holmes: [in his bedroom] Watson?
Dr. John H. Watson: [Sherlock slightly opens his bedroom door a crack, unlocking it] You see it is I. Holmes, let me enter.
Sherlock Holmes: [he closes his door again] Not so fast! You may be Moriarty in disguse. Prove you're Watson.
Dr. John H. Watson: How on earth am I to do that?
Sherlock Holmes: Tell me where I keep my tobacco!
Dr. John H. Watson: Tobacco? Well, as a rule, it's in the toe of your Persian slipper. Holmes...
Sherlock Holmes: [Sherlock opens and unlocks the door] Very well, I'm satisfied.
[Watson enters Holmes's room]

Sherlock Holmes: Elementary, my dear... Freud.

A Study in Terror (1965)
Sherlock Holmes: My dear Mycroft, this is a surprise! Watson, some sherry... Is this a social call?
Mycroft Holmes: Yes, yes, oh yes, purely social.
Mycroft Holmes: How are you?
Sherlock Holmes: Very well.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, now that the social call is over, hadn't we better get down to business?

Duke of Shires: Where did you get this case?
Sherlock Holmes: I believe it to have come from a White Chapel pawn shop, sir.
Duke of Shires: A Pawn shop. No more than I predicted for him...
Sherlock Holmes: For whom, sir?
Duke of Shires: My eldest son, Michael.
Sherlock Holmes: Do you know of his present address?
Duke of Shires: He is dead.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, of what accident or sickness, your grace?
Duke of Shires: Disobedience. From the day he left this house against my wishes, he has been dead, sir.
Sherlock Holmes: You mean disowned, your grace.

Sherlock Holmes: Come, Mister Beck, your face reacts faster than your brain. You remember very well...

Dr. John Watson: Someone should have sent for us before this, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: Someone has. The woman who sent me that instrument case.
Dr. John Watson: Oh, but then why doesn't she come out into the open?
Sherlock Holmes: Being a woman, she uses a women's art. She intrigues us to White Chapel.

Lord Carfax, Richard Osborne: What's all this about, Holmes, how did you get here?
Sherlock Holmes: I followed this young lady.
Sally: I saw no one.
Sherlock Holmes: That is exactly what you'd expect to see when I follow someone.

Dr. John Watson: But how on Earth did you get out of it, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: You know my methods, Watson, I am well known to be indestructable.

Sherlock Holmes: Would you stand up?
Dr. John Watson: Whatever for?
Sherlock Holmes: It is an old maxim of mine that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth, and therefore, you are sitting on my pipe.

Dr. John Watson: Holmes, there was an identical murder of a woman in Whitechapel just three days ago.
Sherlock Holmes: Aha, a second murder!
Dr. John Watson: Mm.-hmmm
Sherlock Holmes: Now, that is interesting.
Dr. John Watson: Why?
Sherlock Holmes: Because it is the second murder.

Doctor Murray: That is mere conjecture, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: All circumstantial evidence is conjecture, Murray, but it is often right.
Inspector Lestrade: Mr. Holmes is usually right.

Murder by Decree (1979)
Sherlock Holmes: We've unmasked madmen, Watson, wielding scepters. Reason run riot. Justice howling at the moon.

Sherlock Holmes: You create allegiance above your sworn allegiance to protect humanity. You shall not care for them, or acknowledge their pain. There lies the madness.

Sherlock Holmes: Watson, what are you doing?
Dr. John H. Watson: I'm trying to corner the last pea on my plate.
Dr. John H. Watson: [Holmes squashes the pea] You squashed my pea.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, now you've got it cornered.
Dr. John H. Watson: Yes but squashing a fellow's pea.
Sherlock Holmes: Just trying to help.
Dr. John H. Watson: I didn't want it squashed, I don't like it that way - I like it whole so that you can feel it pop when you bite down on it.
Sherlock Holmes: Sorry, I wasn't thinking.

Sherlock Holmes: [to a sleeping Watson] The games afoot! No time to lose!

Dr. John H. Watson: [Offended by the booing of the Prince of Wales by the theater gallery] It's a damn disgrace!
Sherlock Holmes: On the contrary. I prefer bad manners in the theater to active violence in the streets.

Sherlock Holmes: [to Lestrade] When people are frightened, they turn to God, and when they have no help from him, they look to the Devil.

Sherlock Holmes: [Reacting to the tardiness of the Prince of Wales] I suppose since, after all, he's only the Prince of Wales, we should not expect the same degree of courtesy.
Dr. John H. Watson: And since you are the Prince of Detectives, Holmes, I don't think you should presume to criticize a man who one day will be King of England.
Sherlock Holmes: [amused] Well done, Watson! You have cut me to the quick. Hmm! Only the Prince of Detectives, you say? Then who, pray tell, is the King?
Dr. John H. Watson: Lestrade, of course.
[Holmes laughs]

Prime Minister Lord Salisbury: You have us at a disadvantage, Mr. Holmes. I think it might be better if you tell us your story in your own way and permit me to be the judge of whether it is true or not.
Sherlock Holmes: [Assertively] You may take it to be true, sir!

Prime Minister Lord Salisbury: You have my word.
Sherlock Holmes: [Acidly] I would prefer some more reliable authority.

"The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes: The Master Blackmailer (#2.1)" (1992)
Sherlock Holmes: I've had to deal with fifty murderers in my career, but the worst of them never gave me this sense of revulsion I feel at this moment toward Mr Charles Augustus Milverton.

Doctor Watson: [reading] "Man who prays upon weakness with a smiling face and a heart of marble."
Sherlock Holmes: A master blackmailer.

Doctor Watson: Don't you think that the Honorable Miss Miles might be more worth a visit since Dorking wrote to you?
Sherlock Holmes: That is past, Watson. What we must do now is foist ourselves onto his next victim.

Sherlock Holmes: [hearing Watson's plan to catch Milverton] But legally we can not move until some victim is prepared to sacrifice their reputation by going to the police.

Sherlock Holmes: He wrings the nerves of his victims to add to his already swollen moneybags. He is the WORST man in London.

Sherlock Holmes: Watson, you'll be interested to hear that I'm engaged to be married.
Doctor Watson: [absorbed in his newspaper] Hm, yeah? Jolly good.
Sherlock Holmes: To the Milvertons' housemaid.
Doctor Watson: Good heavens.

Sherlock Holmes: One must play one's cards as best one can when such a stake is on the table.

Sherlock Holmes: Art is balm to the brain, especially in moments of decision.

Sherlock Holmes: I'd prefer you to direct your energies towards the gossip columns - hm! - the grasslands... grasslands, Watson, through which our serpent glides.

"The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes: The Illustrious Client (#1.5)" (1991)
Sir James Damery: Should either Miss Winter or even you yourself be incommoded by the police, do not hesitate to telephone me.
Sherlock Holmes: Thank you, Sir James, but to tell the truth I rarely if ever find myself inconvenienced by Scotland Yard.

[last lines]
Dr. Watson: Holmes! Holmes! I have discovered the identity of our client. It's none other than...
Sherlock Holmes: A loyal friend and a chivalrous gentleman. Let that now and forever be enough for us.

Sherlock Holmes: It's all right, Watson. Don't look so scared.
Dr. Watson: You mustn't talk.
Sherlock Holmes: Nonsense. Need to.
Dr. Watson: What can I do, Holmes? Of course it was that *damned* Austrian. Give me the word, and I'll go and thrash the hide off him.
Sherlock Holmes: Good old Watson. No no no no.

Dr. Watson: Anything more?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes... Put my pipe on the table, and the tobacco-slipper.
Dr. Watson: You must rest, not smoke.
Sherlock Holmes: Very well... Doctor.

Sherlock Holmes: Sir James got it for me - it comes from the collection of his client.
Dr. Watson: Well, I could say that it... it should be valued by an expert.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, Watson, you scintillate today. I suggest Sotheby or Christie.

Sherlock Holmes: Elementary psychology, Watson.

Sherlock Holmes: [Referring to Sir James] Watson, explain. I must rest.

[Watson is trying to identity their mysterious client with the assistance of "Who's Who 1902"]
Sherlock Holmes: You're wasting your time, Watson.
Dr. Watson: Well, the career of General Merville might well give us a pointer as to our client; he's clearly illustrious.
Sherlock Holmes: But did you not hear Sir James?
Dr. Watson: His request was to you, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, that is shameful, Watson, shameful!

The Woman in Green (1945)
Professor Moriarty: We've had many encounters in the past. You hope to place me on the gallows. I tell you, I shall never stand upon the gallows. But, if you are instrumental in any way in bringing about my destruction, you will not be alive to enjoy your satisfaction.
Sherlock Holmes: Then we shall walk together through the Gates of Eternity hand-in-hand.
Professor Moriarty: What a charming picture that would make.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, wouldn't it. And I really think it might be worth it.

Sherlock Holmes: And now, Professor Moriarity, what can I do for you?
Professor Moriarty: Everything that I have to say to you has already crossed your mind.
Sherlock Holmes: And my answer has no doubt crossed yours.
Professor Moriarty: That's final?
Sherlock Holmes: What do you think?

[last lines]
Dr. John H. Watson: An evil man, Holmes, but what a horrible death.
Sherlock Holmes: Better than he deserved.
Dr. John H. Watson: What are you thinking of?
Sherlock Holmes: I'm thinking of all the women who can come and go in safety in the streets of London tonight. Stars keep watch in their heavens, and in our own little way, we, too, old friend, are privileged to watch over our city.

Lydia Marlowe: I was right, Mr Holmes. You are a difficult subject.
Sherlock Holmes: Thank you.

Sherlock Holmes: What a beautiful view, Watson. I'm quite enjoying it.
Dr. John H. Watson: No, you're not. Your hypnotized! You're under a spell. Stand still, don't move. Steady, Holmes, steady does it. Stand perfectly still where you are.
Sherlock Holmes: Nonsense, Watson.
Dr. John H. Watson: I, uh, you don't know what you're doing.
Sherlock Holmes: Of course I know what I'm doing.
Dr. John H. Watson: You mean you're not hypnotized?
Sherlock Holmes: Certainly not!
Dr. John H. Watson: Then get off the wall, you idiot!

Inspector Gregson: What are you looking at, Mr. Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: Looking at a very handsome woman. Not born to the purple, but, uh, giving an excellent imitation.

Sherlock Holmes: If we could just trace those missing fingers.
Inspector Gregson: If? If we could just drain the English Channel, we might find a penny.

Sherlock Holmes: I smell the faint, sweet odor of blackmail.

"Elementary: Snow Angels (#1.19)" (2013)
Sherlock Holmes: We need to get to East Rutherford, New Jersey.
Dr. Joan Watson: Wait, wait, wait - wasn't the whole reason we left the house was because we couldn't reach the police?
Sherlock Holmes: Well, we don't know if the police will get the message, or even if they can spare the manpower if by some miracle they do get the message. And we don't even have any proof. No, the most logical solution is for us to go to EROC ourselves.
Dr. Joan Watson: And do what? What if there are fifty commandos shooting up the place?
Sherlock Holmes: Well, I have my whistle.
[she starts to protest]
Sherlock Holmes: I don't know what's going to happen! That's what makes this an adventure.

Sherlock Holmes: [in the cab of a snowplow] So, Pam, very sorry to do this, but we're commandeering this vehicle on behalf of the NYPD. Let's go!
Pam: [to Sherlock] You, get out.
[to Watson]
Pam: You, I can give a ride home to if you want.

Sherlock Holmes: They came out of EROC with $33 million in small bills, they loaded their haul into an ambulance, American-made in the late '90's. They haven't been gone more than an hour.
Dr. Joan Watson: The driver had a lazy eye, the other two met at basketball camp, and one has canine lupus.
[off Holmes's look]
Dr. Joan Watson: See how it feels? Just tell me how you know.

Dr. Joan Watson: [looking at Holmes's map] Why does Clyde have tape on his back?
Sherlock Holmes: It's a red cross, he's the ambulance.

Captain Thomas Gregson: [looking at Holmes's map] So, the stapler is the ambulance?
Sherlock Holmes: Yeah. It was a tortoise last night, bear with me.

Sherlock Holmes: Life is infinitely stranger than anything the mind of man could invent.

Sherlock Holmes: You have to admire the ingenuity of the plan. If they hadn't killed someone, I'd have half a mind to let them get away with it.

Sherlock Holmes: Detective Bell once confided in me he played Sky Masterson in his high school production of Guys and Dolls. I had not, until this moment, imagined that he was any good. The stage's loss is New York City's gain, I suppose.

"Sherlock: The Final Problem (#4.3)" (2017)
Mycroft Holmes: This is a private matter.
Sherlock Holmes: John stays.
Mycroft Holmes: [whispers] This is family.
Sherlock Holmes: [loudly] THAT'S WHY HE STAYS!

Sherlock Holmes: Hey, bro.

Sherlock Holmes: I think it's time you told me your real name.
Girl on Plane: I'm not allowed to tell my name to strangers.
Sherlock Holmes: But I'm not a stranger, am I? I'm your brother. I'm here, Eurus.
Eurus Holmes: You're playing with me, Sherlock. We're playing the game.
Sherlock Holmes: The game. Yes, I get it now. The song was never a set of directions.
Eurus Holmes: I'm in the plane. I'm going to crash. And you're going to save me.
Sherlock Holmes: Look how brilliant you are. Your mind has created the perfect metaphor. You're high above us, all alone in the sky, and you understand everything except how to land. Now, I'm just an idiot, but I'm on the ground. I can bring you home.
Eurus Holmes: No. No, no. It's too late.
Sherlock Holmes: No, it's not. It's not too late.
Eurus Holmes: Every time I close my eyes, I'm on the plane. I'm lost. Lost in the sky and... no one can hear me.
Sherlock Holmes: [whispering] Open your eyes. I am here. You're not lost anymore.
[Eurus opens her eyes and starts crying]
Sherlock Holmes: Now... you... you just... you just went the wrong way last time, that's all. This time, get it right. Tell me how to save my friend.
[quick cut to Watson almost covered with water in the well]
Sherlock Holmes: Eurus. Help me save John Watson.

Dr. John Watson: [to Sherlock having an emotional breakdown] Look, I know this is difficult and I know you're being tortured, but you've got to keep it together.
Sherlock Holmes: This isn't torture. This is vivisection. We're experiencing science from the perspective of lab rats.
Sherlock Holmes: [pause] Soldiers.
Dr. John Watson: Soldiers.
[John helps him back up again]

Mycroft Holmes: We're not actually going to discuss this, are we? I'm sorry, Doctor Watson. You are a fine man in many respects. Make your goodbyes and shoot him. Shoot him!
Dr. John Watson: What?
Mycroft Holmes: Shoot Doctor Watson. There's no question who has to continue from here. It's us. You and me. Whatever lies ahead requires brain power, Sherlock, not sentiment. Don't prolong his agony. Shoot him.
Dr. John Watson: Do I get a say in this?
Mycroft Holmes: Today we are soldiers. Soldiers die for their country. I regret, Doctor Watson, that privilege is now yours.
Dr. John Watson: Shit. He's right. He is, in fact, right.
Mycroft Holmes: Make it swift. No need to prolong his agony. Get it over with, and we can get to work. God! I should have expected this. Pathetic. You always were the slow one. The idiot. That's why I've always despised you. You shame us all. You shame the family name. Now, for once for your life, do the right thing. Put this stupid little man out of all our misery. Shoot him.
Sherlock Holmes: Stop it.
Mycroft Holmes: Look at him. What is he? Nothing more than a distraction, a little scrap of ordinariness for you to impress, to dazzle with your cleverness. You'll find another.
Sherlock Holmes: Please, for God's sake, just stop it.
Mycroft Holmes: Why?
Sherlock Holmes: Because, on balance, even your Lady Bracknell was more convincing. Ignore everything he just said. He's being kind. He's trying to make it easy for me to kill him, which is why this is going to be so much harder.
Mycroft Holmes: You said you liked my Lady Bracknell.
Dr. John Watson: Sherlock, don't.
Mycroft Holmes: It's not your decision, Doctor Watson. Not in the face, though. Please. I promised my brain to the Royal Society.
Sherlock Holmes: Where would you suggest?
Mycroft Holmes: Well, I suppose there is a heart somewhere inside me. I don't imagine it's much of a target, but... why don't we try for that?
Dr. John Watson: I won't allow this.
Mycroft Holmes: This is my fault. Moriarty.
Sherlock Holmes: Moriarty?
Mycroft Holmes: Her Christmas treat. Five minutes' conversation with Jim Moriarty five years ago.
Sherlock Holmes: What did they discuss?
Mycroft Holmes: Five minutes' conversation... unsupervised.
[Sherlock sighs]
Mycroft Holmes: Goodbye, brother mine... No flowers... By request.

Eurus Holmes: Mycroft told me you'd rewritten your memories. He didn't tell me you'd written me out completely.
Sherlock Holmes: What do you mean, "rewritten"?
Eurus Holmes: You still don't know about Redbeard, do you? Oh. This is going to be such a good day.

Sherlock Holmes: You're gonna tell the truth, Mycroft, pure and simple.
Mycroft Holmes: Who was it said "Truth is rarely pure and never simple?"
Sherlock Holmes: I don't know and I don't care.

Vince: Who the hell are you?
Sherlock Holmes: My name's Sherlock Holmes.
Ben: The detective.
Sherlock Holmes: The pirate.

"The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes: The Dying Detective (#1.2)" (1994)
[last lines]
Adelaide Savage: Georgie says he's going to guard the house.
Doctor Watson: Well, they're fine children, Mrs Savage.
Adelaide Savage: They're little angels.
Marina Savage: We're usually known as little savages. Thank you, Doctor Watson, for letting us keep our home.
[she kisses his cheek]
Doctor Watson: Aah. Thank you, my dear; I'd like to take the credit, but it belongs to Mr Holmes.
Marina Savage: We are very grateful to you, sir.
Sherlock Holmes: My privilege, Miss Savage.

Doctor Watson: There must be a way of stopping him, Holmes, surely.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, I doubt it more and more.
Doctor Watson: Suppose *you* were convinced of his guilt. What would you do, then?
Sherlock Holmes: You know my methods; I would gain entry to the house.
Doctor Watson: Then that's what I shall do. You don't have to come.
Sherlock Holmes: Nevertheless, I shall. You've already had your head turned - I must make sure you don't get your *neck* broken as well.

Sherlock Holmes: What you have to face, Watson, is that Savage's catching the disease in Rotherhithe is entirely plausible. The coincidence, that Smith's expertise in the matter is exactly that, a coincidence. You can't hang a man on coincidence.

Sherlock Holmes: There is only one man who can help me - the man we have maligned.
Doctor Watson: Culverton Smith? Do you believe *he* would help?
Sherlock Holmes: He must. It is my only chance.
[in delirium]
Sherlock Holmes: Oysters... They do breed, don't they? I cannot think that the whole bed of the ocean is one solid mass of oysters.

Sherlock Holmes: Don't fail me, Watson.
Doctor Watson: Of course not.
Sherlock Holmes: [In delirium] And what of rivers? Are there no natural enemies to limit the increase of these creatures? It's horrible, horrible...

Sherlock Holmes: That's the front door. It's him. Hide!
Doctor Watson: Hide?
Sherlock Holmes: Quick! If you love me!

Doctor Watson: Why, why wouldn't you let me near you when in truth there was no infection?
Sherlock Holmes: Do you imagine that I have no respect for your medical talents? At six feet, I could deceive you. But any closer, with your astute judgement, no no no no no no. No, it was essential that you and Mrs. Hudson believed me to be at death's door; otherwise, Smith would have smelt a rat.
Mrs Hudson: Rats! Beeswax! Mr. Holmes, you are the very worst tenant in London!

Sherlock Holmes: If I'm to have a doctor, at least let me have someone in whom I have confidence.
Doctor Watson: [Gravely] You have none in me.
Sherlock Holmes: Your friendship, yes. But I mean you're only a general practitioner with mediocre qualifications.
Doctor Watson: That remark is unworthy of you, Holmes. It shows me very clearly the state of your nerves.
Sherlock Holmes: That demonstrates your ignorance!
Sherlock Holmes: What do you know about Tapanuli fever! What do you know of the black Formosa corruption!

"Elementary: Ready or Not (#4.18)" (2016)
Sherlock Holmes: I'm cataloguing the steps on our journey out and out, to keep them clear. It'll help me visualize where the authorities will find our bodies.
Dr. Joan Watson: You don't really think that the -
[they lock glances and then she rolls her eyes: he got her]

Sherlock Holmes: Things are quite good between me and Fiona. You expressed some concern last night. I would allow, however, that the, uh... the mechanics of the relationship have, you know, left me in something of a mood of late.
Dr. Joan Watson: The mechanics.
Sherlock Holmes: Yeah. We've been taking it slow.
Dr. Joan Watson: [it takes her a beat to get it] You haven't had sex yet.
Sherlock Holmes: We have not. It's been challenging. I've not been exclusive for quite some time. For the last few years, sex has been a... a calisthenic performed with like-minded individuals. I can't of course commit to Fiona and keep up my exercise regimen, so... it's fallen away. It's been 47 days since my last act of sexual congress.
Dr. Joan Watson: That's a long time for you. A really long time.
Sherlock Holmes: Yeah. Well. Fiona's special, so I've decided to make a special effort.

Ronnie Wright: This was a NORAD communications center back in the eighties. Guaranteed nuclear survivability.
Sherlock Holmes: Tested it, have you? Never mind. If it doesn't work, we'll hardly be asking for our money back, will we?

Ronnie Wright: [Sherlock has just exposed Wright's luxury survival bunker as a scam and pulls out his cell phone] You gave me your phone.
Sherlock Holmes: Got a good signal. You should put that on your website.

Dr. Joan Watson: [Looking at The Keep website advertising luxury survival bunkers for the uber wealthy] It's not how I pictured prepping. I mean, when you say survivalists, I see... bearded guys wearing gas masks digging holes in their backyards to build shelters.
Sherlock Holmes: That's the garden variety prepper. The Keep caters to a uniquely vile subset, the wealthy prepper. Along with the myriad doomsday scenarios that haunt ordinary preppers - global pandemic, nuclear holocaust, socialist zombies coming to eat their guns - the wealthy ones also worry that the poor are gonna rise up with torches and pitchforks. Which, one could argue, wouldn't be the worse thing in the world.

Sherlock Holmes: Stoller's inside. Got here just after I did. His skinny jeans make the odds of a concealed firearm quite slim.
Detective Marcus Bell: Good to know,

Sherlock Holmes: [to Fiona] I know that you appreciate honesty and directness, so um, I'll be direct with you. I think you've misjudged me. I say that without reproach. I just think you should know. You said you'd had two serious relationships in the past. It might surprise you to learn that puts you at least, and arguably two, ahead of me. I had one great romance... in my life. One would be hard pressed to call her a girlfriend. And even harder pressed to call that relationship a success. I never felt the need beyond that. Part of the reason for that is that relationships are hard for me. You sensed that I was making an extra effort to make things work with you. In that, you are correct. But, you presume that that was because you're different. It's not. It's because I'm different. And because you are the rare woman I have come across for whom I believe that that extra effort is worthwhile.

"Elementary: M. (#1.12)" (2013)
[on meeting "M."]
Sherlock Holmes: Arsenal fan. As if I didn't have enough reasons to despise you.
Sebastian Moran: You!
Sherlock Holmes: Me.
[draws a baton]
Sherlock Holmes: Baton!
[knocks M. unconscious]

Dr. Joan Watson: [re: Moran] Are you planning on helping him? He killed Irene.
Sherlock Holmes: No. As it turns out, he did not. He was incarcerated at the time she died. I confirmed it a short while ago.
Sherlock Holmes: I am sorry that I lied to you, Watson. The last few days have been quite vexing. Even now I'm not certain if I've done the right thing in allowing him to live. It's strange, really. I'm rarely conflicted about the decisions I make. That's the beauty of deductive reasoning, I suppose. It makes a science of almost everything. Not this.
[Watson takes his hand]
Sherlock Holmes: I'm going to miss this. Maybe not *this*, so much, but this. Working with you. I think what you do is amazing.

Sherlock Holmes: A famous statistician once stated that while the individual man is an insoluoble puzzle, in the aggregate he becomes a mathematical certainty. You can, for example, never foretell what any one man will do, but you can, with precision, say what an average man will do. Individuals vary, percentages remain constant. So says the statistician. I... am *not* an average man.

Sherlock Holmes: Several weeks ago, you learned of the existence of a woman named Irene Adler. I told you she'd died.
Dr. Joan Watson: M killed her.
Sherlock Holmes: Obviously, he realized the degree to which I was assisting the British police in their hunt to find him. He zeroed in on me, made things personal. As to why I am withholding information from the NYPD, it's quite simple. I have no intention of capturing M. I have every intention of torturing and murdering him.

Dr. Joan Watson: The end of our companionship is actually what I wanted to talk to you about.
Sherlock Holmes: Do tell.
Dr. Joan Watson: Well, when I'm wrapping up with a client, I like to carry out exit protocols.
Sherlock Holmes: Sounds ominous.
Dr. Joan Watson: No, we just need to carve out a time to talk.
Sherlock Holmes: It's time I told you, Watson. You place far too much emphasis on talking. Most of what we humans have to say to one another is communicated haptically. When I think of the many thousands of words that you yourself have wasted during your time here...
Dr. Joan Watson: We'll go to dinner, we'll talk; verbally, haptically, whatever. I think the whole point is to reflect on your progress.
Sherlock Holmes: Reflection is for mirrors. Can't you just hand me a report card?
Dr. Joan Watson: Well, I am completing a final evaluation, but that is for your father.
Sherlock Holmes: Of course, how else would you justify the exorbitant salary he's been paying you?
Dr. Joan Watson: Actually, my fees are the opposite of exorbitant.

Sherlock Holmes: Ten years ago, when M first started killing, I was an integral part of the investigation. By the time he had claimed his 36th life, however, my addiction was out of control. I was, I'm quite embarrassed to say, useless to the police. Now, his appearance here in the States, it's a second chance for me. It's an opportunity to do what I should have done a long time ago - bring a ruthless killer to justice.

Dr. Joan Watson: Hey, just a reminder that I have an appointment in a little while, but I will be back in a couple of hours.
Sherlock Holmes: I shall count the seconds until your return.

"The Return of Sherlock Holmes: The Second Stain (#1.3)" (1986)
Sherlock Holmes: The situation is desperate... but not hopeless.

Dr. John Watson: [Remarking about Lady Trelawney Hope] I say, what a really remarkable and beautiful woman!
Sherlock Holmes: Mmmm... the fair sex is your department, Watson.

Dr. John Watson: [reading from a newspaper] Murder in Westminster... crime of a mysterious character... Eduardo Lucas, unmarried, 34, well-known in society circles on account of his charming personality... valet out for the evening...
Sherlock Holmes: [interrupting] They always are!
Dr. John Watson: [still reading] ... elderly housekeeper... sleeps at the top of the house... heard nothing...
Sherlock Holmes: [interrupting] They never do!

Sherlock Holmes: Should I bring this to a successful conclusion, it will certainly represent the crowning glory of my career!

Sherlock Holmes: [to Watson] This is a case where the law is as dangerous to us as the criminals are. You must be patient and wait.

Sherlock Holmes: The motives of women are so inscrutable. I mean, how can you build on such a quicksand? Their most trivial action may mean volumes or their most extraordinary conduct may depend upon a hairpin or a curling tong!

Lord Bellinger: Come! There's more in this than meets the eye!
Sherlock Holmes: Ah, Prime Minister, we too have our diplomatic secrets.

"The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: The Norwood Builder (#2.3)" (1985)
Sherlock Holmes: You mentioned your name just now as if I should recognize it but I can assure you beyond the obvious facts that you are a bachelor, a solicitor and a Freemason, and an asthmatic, I know nothing about you whatever.

Sherlock Holmes: Could it be that for once Lestrade is on the right track?

Inspector Lestrade: Anything more you'd like to ask, Mr. Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: Not until I've been to Blackheath.
Inspector Lestrade: You mean Norwood.
Sherlock Holmes: [smiling] No doubt that is what I must have meant.

Sherlock Holmes: You've found something?
Dr. John Watson: No, it's what I haven't found that interests me.

Sherlock Holmes: [about a newly discovered thumbprint on the wall] And I suppose there is no doubt that the mark was there yesterday?
Inspector Lestrade: Well, of course, McFarlane could have crept out of jail in the middle of the night just to strengthen the evidence against himself.

[first lines]
Dr. John Watson: Thank you, George.
Sherlock Holmes: From the point of view of the criminal expert, London has become a singularly uninteresting city.
Dr. John Watson: Well, I hardly think you'll find many decent citizens to agree with you.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, well, well, one must not be selfish. The community's the gainer and no-one the loser, save the poor unfortunate specialist whose occupation has gone.

[last lines]
Jonas Oldacre: See you hang for this!
Sherlock Holmes: That privilege must surely be mine.

Sherlock Holmes and the Secret Weapon (1942)
Sherlock Holmes: The four sections of your bomb sight fit inside these ponderous tombs, although, I must confess I shy to the thought of disemboweling a complete set of Charles Dickens.

[last lines]
Dr. John H. Watson: Things are looking up, Holmes. This little Island's still on the map.
Sherlock Holmes: Holmes: Yes. "This fortress built by nature for herself, this blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England."

Dr. Franz Tobel: You would take the Nazis' own car?
Sherlock Holmes: One must adapt oneself to the tools at hand.

Dr. John H. Watson: Woman? What woman?
Sherlock Holmes: She's blonde. Five foot six, full lipped and very affectionate.
Dr. John H. Watson: Oh, really?

Sherlock Holmes: Christmas boxes. Watson, I'm beginning to see the plan. Dr. Tobel divided his bombsight into four parts just as we brought it back from Switzerland. He's given one section of the mechanism to each of these famous scientists. What a fascinating plan. You see, each part is useless without the other three and undoubtedly, none of these scientists is known to each other.

Professor Moriarty: Closer to the end, Holmes. Closer and closer. Each second a few more drops leave your desiccated body. And you can feel 'em can't you? You're perfectly conscious aren't you, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: I shall be conscious long after you're dead, Moriarty.

The Scarlet Claw (1944)
Sherlock Holmes: Consider, Watson, the irony, the tragic irony, that we accepted the commission from the victim to find her murderer. For the first time... we've been retained by a corpse.

Sherlock Holmes: During the time he's lived here, Ramson has undoubtedly established another character for himself, perhaps several others, while by now, familiar to the people of La Morte Rouge and quite above suspicion. He could be almost anyone in the village.

[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: Canada, the linchpin of the English speaking world, whose relations of friendly intimacy with the United States on the one hand and their unswerving fidelity to the British Commonwealth and the Motherland on the other. Canada, the link that joins together these great branches of the human family.
Dr. John H. Watson: Churchill say that?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, Watson, Churchill.

Sherlock Holmes: Poor, innocent little child. I should have prevented this!

Sherlock Holmes: Sit down, old fellow. Judge Brisson has decided not to shoot us.
Dr. John H. Watson: Oh, very kind of him.

Lord Penrose: [to Holmes] Several of our most responsible citizens have actually seen the strange apparition on the marshes at night and next morning sheep were discovered...
Sherlock Holmes: With their throats torn out and no traces of the killer anywhere to be found.

Sherlock Holmes and the Deadly Necklace (1962)
Sherlock Holmes: Alright Watson, you've had your little joke, now come along.

Dr. Watson: How do you know that?
Sherlock Holmes: Don't you ever read the Times, Watson? I've often advised you to do so, if you want to know something.

Dr. Watson: What do you suppose that is?
Sherlock Holmes: It looks remarkably like a grave.
Dr. Watson: A grave? But that's not large enough to burry a dog in.
Sherlock Holmes: Be careful, Watson, don't spoil the footprints. Leave that to the Inspector.
Dr. Watson: What could possibly be is buried there?
Sherlock Holmes: Clothes... very old clothes.

Sherlock Holmes: Before Blackburn died, he tried to write the name of his murderer on the top of the table, obviously with his wedding ring. M.O.R. does that convey anything to you, Inspector?
Inspector Cooper: M.O.R. Many words begin with M.O.R. Morgue, morning...
Sherlock Holmes: Or Moriarty.
Inspector Cooper: You told us that Moriarty has an alibi.
Sherlock Holmes: My dear Inspector, Blackburn had a secret. Moriarty wanted it and when he'd gotten it, he had him murdered.
Inspector Cooper: Do you know the secret, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: Naturally, I read the Times.

Prof. Moriarty: We are both men of logic and we possess extraordinary intellect. But we are both wasting our forces warring against each other and if I may say so, dear Holmes, this is illogical. We should unite our talents and forces. Such a partnership would be sure to succeed.
Sherlock Holmes: No doubt it would. Professor.
Prof. Moriarty: Then I may assume you accept?
Sherlock Holmes: The picture you paint is a very alluring one. There's only one answer that I can give. Much as I regret it, I shall have to continue to waste my energies. I have only one ambition at present: to see you hanged.

Inspector Cooper: Whiskey in the handle of a walking stick.
Prof. Moriarty: I always find it helps to take a small drink when it's chilly in London, Mr. Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: Thank you, I never drink before six.
Prof. Moriarty: Would the Inspector like one?
Inspector Cooper: [about to take a sip, but changes his mind] No, never on duty.
Prof. Moriarty: Doctor Watson?
Dr. Watson: No thanks, I am not in the least chilly today.
Prof. Moriarty: What a shame.

The House of Fear (1945)
Sherlock Holmes: Murder is an insidious thing, Watson. Once a man has dipped his fingers in blood, sooner or later he'll feel the urge to kill again.

Sherlock Holmes: This is a most unique case. Instead of too few we have too many clues and too many suspects. The main pattern of the puzzle seems to be forming, but the pieces don't fit in.
Dr. John H. Watson: Well, it seems perfectly clear to me. One of these men is picking off the others one by one to get all their insurance money for himself. Why, it's obvious.
Sherlock Holmes: How do you account the orange pips?
Dr. John H. Watson: Well, this man has an accomplice who brings them.
Sherlock Holmes: What for? To warn his victim he's going to be murdered? No, Watson, it won't do, it won't do at all.
Dr. John H. Watson: I don't like the look of it Holmes, muddy waters, eh?
Sherlock Holmes: Too muddy... as if someone were constantly stirring them up.
Dr. John H. Watson: Why should they stir 'em up?
Sherlock Holmes: To confuse me. There's intelligence behind this business, Watson. Cold, calculating... ruthless intelligence.

Dr. John H. Watson: I'm sorry I'm late. I didn't sleep very well.
Sherlock Holmes: You didn't sleep very well? You snored like a pig.

Sherlock Holmes: At the moment I suspect no one and everyone.

Sherlock Holmes: How are you Lestrade?
Dr. John H. Watson: Here, here, what's going on here?
Sherlock Holmes: Someone just tried to kill Doctor Watson.
Dr. John H. Watson: Blimey, who?
Sherlock Holmes: When we find that out, Lestrade, we can all go home.

[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: [referring to Doctor Watson] Thereby enabling us to continue our long and happy association together.

The Sign of Four: Sherlock Holmes' Greatest Case (1932)
Det. Insp. Atherly Jones: I want to know where the pearls are.
Dr. John H. Watson: Yes, where are they?
Mary Morstan: Small's taken them.
Dr. John H. Watson: Then they are at the bottom of the river where we can find them... so now you'll be so terribly rich, I can't even claim you as a friend, much less ask you...
Mary Morstan: What?
Sherlock Holmes: Sorry the jewels are so distasteful to you, Ms. Marston, but I have the pearls. I took them from Jonathan Small when we first came to grips. I didn't want them to get wet, so I'm afraid you'll have to have them back
Dr. John H. Watson: Amazing!
Sherlock Holmes: Elementary, my dear Watson, elementary.

[last lines]
Mary Morstan: Please... ask me.
Dr. John H. Watson: Will you, um...
Mary Morstan: Yes!
[they embrace]
Sherlock Holmes: Amazing!
Dr. John H. Watson: Elementary, my dear Holmes, elementary.

Sherlock Holmes: An amateur investigator like myself can't have too many facts of a case to work on.

Dr. John H. Watson: Well, now we know who did it. All we have to do is catch him.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, that's all. Yes, well you go out and catch him, and I'll wait here 'til you come back
Dr. John H. Watson: Yes!
[Watson turns to leave, but suddenly comes to a stop]
Dr. John H. Watson: Er, but where'll I go?
Sherlock Holmes: Exactly. Let's leave jumping to conclusions to the professional detectives.

Det. Insp. Atherly Jones: What I always says is, Mr. Holmes: an ounce of practice is worth a tonne of theory.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, yes. I've heard you say it.

Sherlock Holmes: You'd hardly thank me for theorizing over it.
Det. Insp. Atherly Jones: What I always say, Dear Mister Holmes, An ounce of practice is worth a ton of theory
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, Yes I've heard you say it.

Sherlock Holmes Faces Death (1943)
[Inspector Lestrade is lost in a secret passage]
Insp. Lestrade: Get me out! It's me, Lestrade! I'm lost! I'm all turned around!
Sherlock Holmes: You have been for years. Get him out of there, will you, Mrs. Howells and give him a saucer of milk.

[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: There's a new spirit abroad in the land. The old days of grab and greed are on their way out. We're beginning to think of what we *owe* the other fellow, not just what we're compelled to give him. The time is coming, Watson, when we shant't be able to fill our bellies in comfort while other folk go hungry, or sleep in warm beds while others shiver in the cold. And we shan't be able to kneel and thank God for blessing us before our shining altars while men anywhere are kneeling in either physical or spiritual subjection.
Dr. John H. Watson: You may be right, Holmes... I hope you are.
Sherlock Holmes: And, God willing, we'll live to see that day, Watson.

Dr. John H. Watson: Oh, Hurlston. It's a grim old pile, very spooky.
Sherlock Holmes: Don't tell me that you met a ghost.
Dr. John H. Watson: Well, not so spooky as that. Ghosts don't stab people in the neck, do they? Or do they?
Sherlock Holmes: Not well-bred ghosts, Watson.

[Lestrade brings a suspect's shoe to compare to recovered footprints]
Insp. Lestrade: And that's Alfred Brunton's shoe.
Sherlock Holmes: Fits perfectly, Inspector.
Insp. Lestrade: Uh-huh.
Sherlock Holmes: But the fact that these prints were made by Brunton's shoes doesn't prove that Brunton's feet were in them.
Insp. Lestrade: Why not? Where should Brunton's feet be if not in his own shoes?
Dr. John H. Watson: Well, they're not in them now, are they?

Dr. John H. Watson: Yes. We told you, you were taking an awful risk.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, we had to have a confession and these egomaniacs are always so much more chatty when they feel they have the upper hand.

Dr. John H. Watson: Simple reasoning; a child could do it.
Sherlock Holmes: Not your child, Watson.

The Spider Woman (1943)
Sherlock Holmes: [on the pyjama suicides] Indubitably, these murders are the work of a well-organized gang and directing them is one of the most fiendishly clever minds in all Europe today.
Inspector Lestrade: Any notion who?
Sherlock Holmes: I suspect a woman. Do you have tobacco around this place, Watson?
Dr. John H. Watson: Yes, I've packed it. A woman? You amaze me, Holmes. Why a woman?
Sherlock Holmes: Because the method, whatever it is, is particularly subtle and cruel. Feline, not canine.
Inspector Lestrade: Poppy-cock. Canine, feline, quinine, when a bloke does himself in, that's suicide.
Sherlock Holmes: Unless the bloke is driven to suicide and then in that case it's murder.
Dr. John H. Watson: Driven? That *sounds* like a woman, doesn't it?
Sherlock Holmes: Definitely, a female Moriarty. Clever, ruthless... and above all, cautious.

Sherlock Holmes: I'm sorry, Watson, the pleasures of the chase are no longer for me. I'm through with crime now and forever.

Sherlock Holmes: Remarkable woman. Audacious and deadly as one of her own spiders.

Sherlock Holmes: I expect nothing... and everything.

Sherlock Holmes: He's gone.
Dr. John H. Watson: Blast his eyes!

[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, Watson, Miss Spedding deserves credit for picking the most logical spot in the world... to commit my murder.
Dr. John H. Watson: Oh, where is that?
Sherlock Holmes: In the middle of a crowd.

"Elementary: The Leviathan (#1.10)" (2012)
Dr. Joan Watson: And as someone recently said, "If you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, is the truth."
Sherlock Holmes: Sounds like a blowhard.

Sherlock Holmes: When you've eliminated then impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, is the truth.

Sherlock Holmes: Before you say anything I would like to remind you that I am holding an axe.

Micah Erlich: If you know our work, you know that we introduced a new flagship product in 2009, the Leviathan.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes. The safe that you marketed as "impregnable." Did you people learn nothing from the Titanic?

[coming downstairs for her morning jog, Watson meets two half-dressed identical twin sisters, before Sherlock emerges, pulling on his shirt]
Sherlock Holmes: If you must know, Watson, the Lynch Sisters and I enjoy a mutually beneficiary relationship.
Dr. Joan Watson: If I must know? I didn't ask.
Sherlock Holmes: I need to study the difference between two specimens born into the world with exactly the same genetic material. In the Lynches' case, there are seven major ones. And they get...
Dr. Joan Watson: I... didn't... ask!

Captain Thomas Gregson: So, some priceless artifacts just came into your possession, and the fewer questions I have about said artifacts, the better?
Sherlock Holmes: Correct.
Captain Thomas Gregson: And this just *happened** to be on the day that you were looking into "Le Chevalier," and this *happens* to be the stuff that he stole.
Sherlock Holmes: And the culture will be grateful for their return.
Captain Thomas Gregson: Mmm-hmm.

"The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: The Blue Carbuncle (#1.7)" (1984)
Sherlock Holmes: My name is Sherlock Holmes. It is my business to know what other people don't know.

Sherlock Holmes: It is so awkward doing business with an alias.

Peterson: Mr. Holmes, the goose! The goose, Mr. Holmes!
Sherlock Holmes: Well, what of it, man? Has it come back to life and flapped off through the kitchen window?

Sherlock Holmes: Watson, we have been given a line of investigation which has been missed by the police and which a singular chance has placed in our hands. Now let us follow it to the bitter end.
Dr. Watson: [mutters, shivering] Extremely bitter.
Sherlock Holmes: Faces to the south, then, and quick march!

Sherlock Holmes: Mrs Hudson, we shall turn dinner into supper, and we will follow up this clue while it is still hot.
Mrs. Hudson: [mutters] Which is more than the supper will be.

[last lines]
Dr. Watson: Midnight. Merry Christmas, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: And to you, my dear friend.
Dr. Watson: Just a minute. Holmes, I cannot contemplate eating while John Horner is still on remand. Do you suppose Bradstreet or one of his colleagues might still be at their desks?
Sherlock Holmes: Eh, well. You're quite right, Watson. Come, let's go.

"The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: The Solitary Cyclist (#1.4)" (1984)
[first lines]
Sherlock Holmes: Watson.
Dr Watson: Yes?
Sherlock Holmes: Watch.
[they move to his chemistry setup]
Sherlock Holmes: The chemical reaction you are about to witness will solve the mystery concerning the persecution of Mr John Vincent Harden.
Dr Watson: Oh. Excellent! The tobacco millionaire. Shall I take notes?
Sherlock Holmes: No, I will dictate in the fullness of time.

Sherlock Holmes: What happened to spoil it?
Violet Smith: A visitor.
Sherlock Holmes: Mr. Woodley.
Violet Smith: However did you guess, Mr. Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: Miss Smith, I never guess.

Dr Watson: Did I *really* do remarkably badly?
Sherlock Holmes: [ponders] Yes!

[last lines]
Dr Watson: Is that the answer, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, that is the answer, Watson. Come on, let me explain.

Sherlock Holmes: And Carruthers, you made the mistake of falling in love with her.
Carruthers: The first time that ever I knew what love was, Mr. Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: Why didn't you tell her of the danger she was in?
Carruthers: Because-because she would have left me, and I couldn't bear to face that.
Carruthers: Oh, what will happen to my daughter, Sarah?
Dr Watson: We'll see she's well taken care of.
Carruthers: You see, even if she couldn't love me, it meant a great deal to see her about the house and hear the sound of her voice.
Dr Watson: You may call it love, Mr. Carruthers, I should call it selfishness.
Carruthers: Maybe the two things go together.
Carruthers: But I tried to protect her,

Sherlock Holmes: [Asking for a red-headed, mustached, man] I've never met the man.
Woodley: [Approaching the bar] Well, now's your chance.
Sherlock Holmes: Mr Woodley, I believe?
Woodley: None of your damned business!
Sherlock Holmes: Our landlord here keeps a respectable establishment and your language is not welcome.
Woodley: Who the hell do you think you are coming in here asking all these damn questions?
Sherlock Holmes: Quite right, Landlord. Evidently not a gentleman.
Woodley: I'm as much a gentleman as anyone!
[Backhands Holmes]

"Elementary: Step Nine (#2.1)" (2013)
Sherlock Holmes: Fatty, this is Watson. Watson, this is Fatty.
Mycroft Holmes: Fatty?
[pats his stomach]
Mycroft Holmes: I'd say I've slimmed down quite a bit, wouldn't you?
Sherlock Holmes: Lap band?
Mycroft Holmes: Exercise.
Sherlock Holmes: Exercise requires energy and ambition, and you've never had either.

Sherlock Holmes: [Watson is surprised Sherlock never mentioned Mycroft to her before] Our relationship is purely genetic.

Sherlock Holmes: This is the weapon that I believe Pendry used to kill his wife: a plastic gun.
Gareth Lestrade: [sarcastic] You're absolutely right. I did see one of those, actually. It was in the cutlery drawer. I thought it was a toy, so I left it alone.
[Holmes rolls his eyes]
Gareth Lestrade: You think I'm daft? What, you think I wouldn't recognize a plastic gun?

Captain Thomas Gregson: The Department's got six guys grinding away on this case, and you broke it open by following a bird?
Sherlock Holmes: Mmm. Pity it escaped, shame to waste all that training.
Detective Marcus Bell: What are you gonna do with a carrier pigeon...? You know what, I don't want to know.

Dr. Joan Watson: You didn't tell me one of your brother's restaurants had two Michelin stars.
Sherlock Holmes: Before yesterday, I didn't tell you my brother was a corporeal entity.

Dr. Joan Watson: Hey, I was just about to call you. You okay?
Sherlock Holmes: I believe I've just made a rapprochement with my brother.
Dr. Joan Watson: Oh, that's great.
Sherlock Holmes: He used a homemade explosive device to destroy what was left of my things.
Dr. Joan Watson: Ah. Sounds like maybe he's a little more like you than you thought.
Sherlock Holmes: Art in the blood, Watson. It takes the strangest forms.

"The Return of Sherlock Holmes: The Man with the Twisted Lip (#1.5)" (1986)
Sherlock Holmes: This is a trifle, of course, Watson, but there's nothing so important as trifles.

Dr. John Watson: I was certainly surprised to see you in that place,
Sherlock Holmes: I suppose you think I've added opium smoking to all my other little weaknesses?

Sherlock Holmes: It's better to learn wisdom late than never to learn it at all.

Dr. John Watson: It's now well past four in the morning. May I go to sleep?
Sherlock Holmes: Certainly.
Dr. John Watson: Thank you.

Dr. John Watson: [awaking in bed after Holmes has tickled his foot] What time is it?
Sherlock Holmes: Dawn.
Dr. John Watson: Uh... I've only had two hours sleep.
Sherlock Holmes: I wonder if you'd do me the very great kindness of considering the possibility of waking up.
Dr. John Watson: I... I assume you have a good reason.
Sherlock Holmes: Are you game for a drive?
Dr. John Watson: Certainly, but does it have to be this early?
Sherlock Holmes: I have a little theory I wish to test.
Dr. John Watson: Is anyone's life at stake?
Sherlock Holmes: Certainly not!
Dr. John Watson: Would it be possible to test your theory a little later this morning?
Sherlock Holmes: [leaving to go downstairs] I'll see you downstairs in five minutes.
Dr. John Watson: Five minutes.
[sighs and lies back]

Dr. John Watson: May I ask why I'm going to Lee in Kent, in the middle of the night on a Friday in March?
Sherlock Holmes: Because you are my trusted comrade and my loyal chronicler. I may need both.

"Elementary: Tag, You're Me (#4.3)" (2015)
Dr. Joan Watson: I stopped by the station. I ran into Captain Gregson.
Sherlock Holmes: Did he seem pleased about the Chief of Detectives' sudden reversal regarding our status?
Dr. Joan Watson: He did. And as far as I could tell, he didn't know anything about your father pulling any strings. Just a higher-up changing his mind.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, the captain is a political animal. I'm sure he's used to not looking gift horses in mouths.

Detective Marcus Bell: [Holmes and Watson arrive at the crime scene] Hey. Look who they pulled off the bench.
Sherlock Holmes: You said you had something interesting.
Detective Marcus Bell: [sarcastic] Missed you, too.

Mr. Morland Holmes: [finding Sherlock in his office] Was I expecting you?
Sherlock Holmes: Not to my knowledge. But I can't rule out you having foreseen it via the black arts.

Mr. Morland Holmes: I'm unclear as to why my lingering here is so troubling for you.
Sherlock Holmes: You came here because you felt compelled to offer me your help. I did you the courtesy of accepting that help.
Mr. Morland Holmes: Oh. You did that as a courtesy.
Sherlock Holmes: I was under the impression it was important to you. Not to say I'm ungrateful. Are you waiting for the magic words before you disappear? Because thank you. The work that I do requires my complete mental faculty. Your presence here is an irritant. It's a burr in my cognitive fabric. I had assumed that, as with similar occasions in the past, you would take the completion of our transaction as your cue to be on your way.
Mr. Morland Holmes: If you must know, I am still in New York because I'm working on a project. Something of a puzzle. It may take some time to solve. And when it's done, I'll move on.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, perhaps I can be of assistance. Quite good with puzzles. You've known that longer than anyone. You'll get the benefit of my help, and I'll get a father-free New York. A win for both of us.

Dr. Joan Watson: I see Clyde likes the food you made him.
Sherlock Holmes: Yeah.
Dr. Joan Watson: Or he just appreciates his dinner date going the extra mile.
Sherlock Holmes: Eh, close, but wrong cold-blooded reptile. My dinner date is my father. I can understand you confusing him with Clyde. They could be dopplegangers. A car will be here for me shortly. I'm meeting him at a formal charity function. Malaria research or something. He wasn't sure.

Sherlock Holmes: The point is to sup with her.
Dr. Joan Watson: Donya Esfandiari.
Sherlock Holmes: One of the richest hoteliers in the world. She's currently building a resort on the Pacific coast of Costa Rica. Simultaneously, as it happens, the global energy firm for which father consults wishes to erect a wind farm nearby. Mrs. Esfandiari has won an injunction against the wind farm, asserting that it would impair her view. Now, father thinks she's willing to drop it given the right favors in return.
Dr. Joan Watson: Huh.
Sherlock Holmes: "Huh"?
Dr. Joan Watson: Well, between everything you told me, meeting him myself, I just, you know, imagined him doing heavier stuff. Seems a little... I don't know, frivolous.
Sherlock Holmes: Father's work is anything but frivolous, I assure you. Thanks to him, this energy firm and other clients like them have literally brought light to lands that were dark and, just as often, rained darkness where once there was light. Father doesn't distinguish. Perhaps you need sanctions eased against a rogue nation so that you can sell them your tanks or your factories can only spew toxins if the U.S. doesn't sign an emissions treaty. Father can make it so, with the moral neutrality of the plague.
Dr. Joan Watson: Now that sounds more like the guy I met. So if what he does is so evil, then...
Sherlock Holmes: Not evil. Neutral. Like a shark or tsunami.
Dr. Joan Watson: Fine, distasteful. Then why are you spending time with him?
Sherlock Holmes: So that, ironically, I can spend less. As soon as he closes this negotiation, he will be gone.

"The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes: The Creeping Man (#1.6)" (1991)
Sherlock Holmes: [voiceover as he writes note] Watson. Come at once if convenient.
Sherlock Holmes: If inconvenient, come all the same.

Sherlock Holmes: My card.
Professor Presbury: Two hundred and twenty-one *B*. Hardly an address to inspire confidence.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, I've never sought to inspire confidence in others; I have quite enough of my own.

Professor Presbury: My assistant had no authority to engage you in this matter; kindly enquire into it no further. Should you persist, I shall have no hesitation in calling the police. Lestrade of the yard is well known to me, so beware.
Sherlock Holmes: I would hesitate in calling Lestrade, Professor, if you wish to have the mystery solved.

Dr. Watson: You go armed?
Sherlock Holmes: Always carry a firearm east of Aldgate, Watson.

[last lines]
Dr. Watson: If I may say so, Holmes, I think you went a little too far in allowing Lestrade all the credit.
Sherlock Holmes: Not all, Watson. You can file it away in our archives. One day the entire truth can be told.

Sherlock Holmes: A dog a reflects family life, Watson.
Dr. John Watson: [uninterested] Does it, indeed?
Sherlock Holmes: Whoever heard of a frisky dog in a gloomy home? Or a sad dog in a happy one? Snarling people have snarling dogs.

"The Return of Sherlock Holmes: The Devil's Foot (#2.1)" (1988)
Sherlock Holmes: [In a depressive stone as he stares at an old grave marker overlooking the sea] Weather-pitted slabs of granite, ancient tombs scattered throughout the length and breadth of this peninsula.
Dr. John Watson: Like the sea, I suppose, death is always with us.
Sherlock Holmes: [Holmes stares intently at Watson before answering] Quite so.

Sherlock Holmes: You went to the vicarage, and you waited there for some time.
Dr. Leon Sterndale: How do you know that?
Sherlock Holmes: I followed you.
Dr. Leon Sterndale: I saw no one!
Sherlock Holmes: That is what you may expect to see when *I* follow you!

[Holmes is testing out a theory by putting a poison in a lamp, leaving himself and Watson to inhale the fumes]
[the drug induces a nonsensical but disturbing series of images and distorted memories in Holmes's mind; the images stop and he is outside on the ground]
Dr. John Watson: Holmes! Holmes! HOLMES!
[Holmes screams]
Dr. John Watson: Holmes! HOLMES!
[Watson has to shout over Holmes's screaming]
Dr. John Watson: Can you hear me? For God's sake, can you hear me?
Sherlock Holmes: JOHN!
Dr. John Watson: Thank God you're alright! That was a stupid and dangerous thing to do... We could have been killed!
Sherlock Holmes: It was an unjustified experiment even for myself... Doubly so for a friend. I really am extremely sorry.

[last lines]
Dr Watson: Not for the first time, Holmes, you've presumed to take the law into your own hands.
Sherlock Holmes: I have never loved. But if I did, and if the woman I had loved had met with such an end, I might act even as our lawless lion-hunter has done. Wouldn't you?
Dr Watson: Yes, I suppose so. But that's not the point.
Sherlock Holmes: The point is: why should I do the work of the official police? And as you're very fond of telling me... I'm on holiday!

[first lines]
Dr Watson: Almost there.
Sherlock Holmes: What does a Harley Street specialist know about my health?
Dr Watson: Listen, Holmes, Dr Moore Agar insists you have a complete rest if you wish to avoid an absolute breakdown. The sea air will do you the world of good.

Sherlock Holmes: [In obvious pain from his drug withdrawal, he coughs] To work the brain without sufficient material is like racing an engine - it cracks itself to pieces.
[He takes a deep breath]
Sherlock Holmes: Wait for me at the cottage.
Dr Watson: Where are you going?
Sherlock Holmes: Cheer up, Watson. Sea air, sunshine, patience!
[He throws the blanket over his shoulder with characteristic flourish]
Sherlock Holmes: All will be revealed!

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (1939)
Sherlock Holmes: You've a magnificent brain, Moriarty. I admire it. I admire it so much I'd like to present it pickled in alcohol to the London Medical Society.
Professor Moriarty: That would make an interesting exhibit. Holmes, you've only now barely missed sending me to the gallows. You're the one man in England clever enough to defeat me. The situation has become impossible.
Sherlock Holmes: Have you any suggestions?
Professor Moriarty: I'm going to break you Holmes. I'm going to bring off right under your nose the most incredible crime of the century, and you'll never suspect it until it's too late. That will be the end of you Mr. Sherlock Holmes. And when I've beaten and ruined you then I can retire in peace. I'd like to retire; crime no longer amuses me. I'd like to devote my remaining years to abstract science.

Sherlock Holmes: Elementary, my dear Watson.

[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: Very effective, my dear Watson!
Doctor John H. Watson: Elementary, my dear Holmes, elementary.

Sherlock Holmes: I've decided to accept your case, Miss Brandon. I shall help you all I can.
Ann Brandon: Oh, Thank you.
Jerrold Hunter: We don't want your interference, Mr. Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: I interfere whenever and wherever I like, Mr. Hunter.

Sherlock Holmes: The nose of the police dog, although long and efficient, points in only one direction at a time.

Sherlock Holmes: Whatever Watson has found out, you'll know inevitably. I have unbounded confidence in his lack of discretion.

"Elementary: Hemlock (#3.13)" (2015)
Sherlock Holmes: Thank you. You've been most helpful. You're free to resume your life of tedium and petty deception.

Sherlock Holmes: [Referring to a local Salvadoran restaurant] According to the Long Island reviews, the cuisine is thoroughly authentic, although the ambience can be ruined by the appearance of the occasional rat.

Joan Watson: [Referring to dinner with Andrew and his father] It was *totally* a meet the parents thing!
Sherlock Holmes: There really is no version of meeting someone's parents that doesn't involve actually meeting their parents.

Sherlock Holmes: [after interrupting a board meeting whose members are all murder suspects] Apologies for the interruption, but cold logic dictates that one of you is likely a killer.

Sherlock Holmes: [to the board members after realizing he is mistaken] My apologies. On second thoughts, it's distinctly possible that there is *no* killer in this room.
[as he and Joan are being escorted out]
Sherlock Holmes: One of you, however, does like to be spanked. Carry on.

Joan Watson: [Perturbed at Sherlock, noticing for the first time a paintbrush strapped to the pet turtle, Clyde] What are you up to? Why are you making Clyde paint?
Sherlock Holmes: I'm not forcing him to do anything. He enjoys it.

Terror by Night (1946)
Sherlock Holmes: The young lady is taking her mother to Scotland for burial.
Inspector Lestrade: In a coffin?
Sherlock Holmes: That is the customary method, I believe.

[Sherlock watches from the train corridor as Prof. Kilbane throws Dr. Watson from his compartment]
Sherlock Holmes: Did you discover anything, Watson?
Dr. John H. Watson: Yes. He's a very suspicious character. He tried to put me off the scent.
Sherlock Holmes: From the little I heard, he seemed reasonably successful.

Lady Margaret Carstairs: [presenting her diamond] My husband gave it to me on our fifth wedding anniversary.
Sherlock Holmes: 423 carats, isn't it?
Lady Margaret Carstairs: The original diamond was over 700 carats.
Sherlock Holmes: Really?
Lady Margaret Carstairs: [to her son] Your father had it cut. Less ostentatious.
Dr. John H. Watson: Less ostentatious? It's as big as a duck's egg.

Dr. John H. Watson: Try some of this curry. It's excellent.
Sherlock Holmes: [ignoring him and speaking to the waiter] Steak and kidney pudding, please.
Major Duncan-Bleek: Of course, the Bengal curry doesn't compare with that of Madras. It's the quality of the mutton that makes the difference, don't you think?
Dr. John H. Watson: The, uh... the meat's unimportant. It's the spices that make the difference. Don't you agree with me Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: [he hasn't been paying attention to the discussion] What?
Dr. John H. Watson: I say, we-we-we were discussing curry.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, yes, curry! Horrible stuff!
Dr. John H. Watson: Oh, really? One man's meat is another man's poison.

Sherlock Holmes: Thank you, Lady Margaret. We'll be as unobtrusive as possible.
Lady Margaret Carstairs: That would be a novelty from a policeman.

Sherlock Holmes: The Inspector's going to Scotland to fish for salmon!
Dr. John H. Watson: [to Lestrade] Oh really? The season doesn't start for another month, but you wouldn't know that, would you?
Inspector Lestrade: 'Oo says I'm gonna fish fer salmon?
Dr. John H. Watson: 'Oo? 'Im!

Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Silk Stocking (2004) (TV)
Dr. Watson: Once again, Holmes, you've deliberately held me at arm's length. I really think you might treat me with a little more frankness.
Sherlock Holmes: My profession would be a drab and sordid one, Watson, if I did not sometimes set the scene to glorify the results.
Dr. Watson: You have a peculiar secretive streak in you, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: The only safe plotter is he who plots alone.
Dr. Watson: Thank you for that vote of confidence.

Sherlock Holmes: There should be no combination of events for which the wit of man cannot conceive an explanation.
Sherlock Holmes: Really, Watson, you are scintillating this morning.

Dr. Watson: Is it Bach you're playing?
Sherlock Holmes: I prefer German music when I feel introspective.

Sherlock Holmes: When all other contingencies fail, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

Sherlock Holmes: How often have I said to you that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

"The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: The Dancing Men (#1.2)" (1984)
Dr. John Watson: How absurdly simple...
Sherlock Holmes: Quite so. Every problem is absurdly simple when it is explained to you.

Sherlock Holmes: His family has owned land in Derbyshire for over five hundred years, so I presume that Mr. Cubitt is as respectable as he is worthy.
Dr Watson: [while looking out the window at Mr. Cubitt] With a fresh face, an open countenance, and wearing a brown bowler hat.
Sherlock Holmes: [not realizing Watson was looking out the window] Oh no, you can't possibly know that!
Dr Watson: [smirking] Really, Holmes?

Doctor Carthew: By George! How ever did you see that?
Sherlock Holmes: Because, Dr. Carthew, I looked for it.

Dr. John Watson: Do you think he'll be armed?
Sherlock Holmes: He's a fool if he's not.

Sherlock Holmes: What one man can invent, another can discover.

"The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes: The Last Vampyre (#3.1)" (1993)
Sherlock Holmes: [after scaring Watson in vampire fashion] Sorry to have alarmed you, Watson, but your reaction was instructive. So you believe in their existence?
Doctor Watson: What?
Sherlock Holmes: Vampires.
Doctor Watson: [angrily] No, of course I don't.
Sherlock Holmes: Your attitude suggests the contrary.

Sherlock Holmes: What are WE to do with walking corpses that have to have stakes driven through their hearts to keep them in their graves? Are we to give serious attention to such things? It's pure lunacy.

Sherlock Holmes: The world is big enough for us. No ghosts need apply.

Sherlock Holmes: Please, you must excuse my frankness, but it is necessary that we confront the truth about ourselves if we are to reach the heart of this matter.

Sherlock Holmes: There are people we know who suck up the energies of others like a sponge, draw out their resources and pocket them, leaving them fatigued, no longer master of their wills.

"The Return of Sherlock Holmes: Wisteria Lodge (#2.3)" (1988)
Sherlock Holmes: One must not confuse the unlikely with the impossible.

Sherlock Holmes: Life is commonplace.

Sherlock Holmes: You are like my friend Watson who has the bad habit of telling his stories wrong-end foremost.

Sherlock Holmes: A Spaniard would write to a Spaniard in Spanish, Watson.

[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: I really must congratulate you, Inspector. Your powers, if I may say so without offence, are superior to your opportunities.
Inspector Baynes: You're right, Mister Holmes. In the provinces we stagnate; a case like this gives a man a chance.

"The Return of Sherlock Holmes: The Bruce Partington Plans (#2.4)" (1988)
Sherlock Holmes: [Staring at the fog through his window] It's a real pea souper!

Sherlock Holmes: [Musing about the fog] The London criminal is certainly a *dull* fellow. The thief or the murderer could roam London on a day like this as the tiger does the jungle, unseen until he pounces, and then evident only to his victim.

Sherlock Holmes: It is fortunate for the community that I am not a criminal.

Sherlock Holmes: Mrs. Hudson, you know, you're hideously in the way!
Mrs. Hudson: I'm sorry, sir, but I only have one pair of hands!
Sherlock Holmes: Please, disappear.

Sherlock Holmes: [Reading a letter] It's from my brother Mycroft. He writes like a drunken crab.
[to Watson]
Sherlock Holmes: You'd better read it. Doctors are more used to hieroglyphics than normal human beings.

Sherlock Holmes' Fatal Hour (1931)
Sherlock Holmes: My dear Mrs. Hudson, you've always been a temptation to me, but haddock after a good breakfast is not.
Mrs. Hudson: Lawd, and you do carry on!

Dr. John Watson: Oh, Holmes, you're marvelous!
Sherlock Holmes: Elementary, my dear Watson, elementary.

Sherlock Holmes: [to Moriarity] It's very interesting, Moriarity, but your five minutes is up!

Sherlock Holmes: Rest assured, after he has seen me, he shall never gamble again.

Sherlock Holmes: May I offer you a piece of advice? Never give in to sudden impulses. They're even more dangerous than you and I am.

"Elementary: Absconded (#3.23)" (2015)
Tara Parker: The people you're talking about are scientists, not murderers.
Sherlock Holmes: The frequency of overlap between those two vocations might surprise you.

Captain Thomas Gregson: Anyone ever tell you you're not much of a statesman?
Sherlock Holmes: Some statesmen have.

Sherlock Holmes: The detective and I will investigate post haste.
Dr. Joan Watson: Why do you get to go?
Sherlock Holmes: Because I stood up first.

Sherlock Holmes: I've interviewed blind men who were better witnesses than that. Three of them. No, four.

Sherlock Holmes: We solved one murder, now we just have the remaining 100 million.

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: The Adventure of the Six Napoleons (#2.5)" (2001)
Inspector Beth Lestrade: He's gone! Zed!
Dr. John Watson: But how could he just vanish?
Sherlock Holmes: Excelent question, Watson.

Sherlock Holmes: Hm. A perpetual motion machine. I remember studying the Da Vinci drawings in school.

Sherlock Holmes: The vehicle registration number should fall between 2095 and 3000.
Dr. John Watson: Good heavens, man! How did you guess? It's number 2098.
Sherlock Holmes: I didn't guess, Watson, I deduced.

Sherlock Holmes: [Watson has just saved Holmes' life] Well done, Watson. What did you find on Sam Timble?
Inspector Beth Lestrade: [exasperated] Does the man ever slow down?

Sherlock Holmes: I recognized this print from my study of current footwear. It is worn by inmates of the Spanish prison system. That he is still wearing prison shoes indicates he can't afford new ones.

Sherlock Holmes (1922)
Sherlock Holmes: My name is Sherlock Holmes. I-I am a student - a student of life. Its complexities fascinate me...

Sherlock Holmes: I merely wanted to know you a little better.
Prof. Moriarty: Several Scotland Yard Inspectors tried that. Their lifeless bodies were found floating in the Thames.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh! - Well, of course, if you're as difficult to know as all that, I'd better be getting back my microbes.

Dr. Watson: I say, Holmes, you are an odd chap, why have you kept that photograph all these years?
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, I don't know - there was a familiar - charming something - about the eyes - that reminded me of her sister - the girl I met on the roadside that day. I don't know what ever became of her. After her sister's death, I wrote, asking if I could be of assistance - but she never answered - I...

Sherlock Holmes: Please don't think me impertinent, but I know that revenge will only embitter your own life and in no way lessen the wrong that has been done.

Sherlock Holmes: It was extraordinary Watson - seeing that girl again - made me almost forget my purpose - I wanted to take her away.

"The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes: The Problem of Thor Bridge (#1.2)" (1991)
Sherlock Holmes: There is little to share, but we'll discuss it after you've consumed those two hard-boiled eggs with which our temporary cook has favoured us. Their condition may not be unconnected with the copy of 'The Family Herald' which I observed yesterday on the hall table. Even so trivial a matter as cooking an egg demands an attention which is incompatible with the love romance in that excellent periodical.

Sherlock Holmes: It is a thankless business, Watson. I can discover facts, but I cannot change them.

Sherlock Holmes: I'm falling into your involved habit of telling a story backward.

Sherlock Holmes: I must confess that the case would seem to be a very black one against her if it were not for one thing.
Dr. Watson: What is that?
Sherlock Holmes: The finding of the pistol in her wardrobe.
Dr. Watson: That seems to be the most damning incident of all.

[last lines]
Dr. Watson: You have helped a remarkable woman, Holmes. And a formidable man.
Sherlock Holmes: And if, as seems not unlikely, they should join forces?
Dr. Watson: Naturally I would wish them well.
Sherlock Holmes: Hmph. Magnanimous of you, Watson.

"Elementary: Ancient History (#2.5)" (2013)
Sherlock Holmes: Sometimes, Watson, when one wants a diamond, one must resort to digging in a diamond mine.
Dr. Joan Watson: For future reference, a morgue is not a diamond mine.
Sherlock Holmes: It's better. Diamonds are just pressed coal; corpses have stories, secrets.

Sherlock Holmes: Your friend would be better off employing a gigolo than a private detective. She'd be amazed at how cheaply a night of anonymous abandon can be had. Is she attractive? I might be able to provide the service myself free of charge.

Sherlock Holmes: It was me. I slept with your friend - ravaged, actually... She has a beauty mark here, she has size six feet, she bites her nails and thankfully nothing else.

Dr. Joan Watson: You seduced her!
Sherlock Holmes: Actually, it was she who initiated our dalliance. She's an aggressive and I may say, limber woman, your friend.

Sherlock Holmes: Alive. Again. Why can't anyone be dead today?

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: The Resident Patient (#1.9)" (1999)
Sherlock Holmes: Come, the game is afoot!

Sherlock Holmes: So, you've come back to destroy the evidence, have you... Fenwick?
Martin Fenwick: You knew? But how? I've made myself so blindingly attractive.
Sherlock Holmes: That's debatable.

Inspector Beth Lestrade: It can't be!
Sherlock Holmes: Ah...
[holds up a finger]
Inspector Beth Lestrade: [before Holmes can speak] I know, I know, Once you've eliminate the impossible...
Dr. John Watson: Whatever remains, no matter how improbable...
Wiggins: Must be the truth.

Dr. Blessington: You amaze me, sir.
Sherlock Holmes: Hah, that happens.

Sherlock Holmes: Your time will come, Moriarty. I shall bring the curtain down on you yet.

"Elementary: The Diabolical Kind (#2.12)" (2014)
Jamie Moriarty: You look a bit tired.
Sherlock Holmes: You look a bit *evil*.

Sherlock Holmes: Did you say everything you wanted to say today? To Moriarty? That is why you accompanied her to the Fuller residence, is it not? So you would have a private dialogue with her?
Dr. Joan Watson: Well, you have been hogging her for the last few months.
Sherlock Holmes: I told you. I have merely been...
Dr. Joan Watson: Studying her. Right. You have feelings for her, and that is perfectly normal.
Sherlock Holmes: I have nothing of the sort.
Dr. Joan Watson: Irene was the love of your life. That is why, in spite of everything, you can't quite give her up. I get that. But I also know that you're only gonna get hurt in the long run because there is no Irene. There is only Moriarty. And Moriarty is never gonna change.

Sherlock Holmes: [to Watson, re Moriarty] The woman is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma I've had sex with. I would be lying if I said I was the strongest assessor of her motives at this point.

Sherlock Holmes: [v.o] We have spilled much ink, you and I, in our discussion of human connection, and we're no closer to understanding than we were when our correspondence began. I often feel as if I am standing on one side of a wide chasm, shouting across, and wondering if the response I hear comes from you, or if it is my own voice, echoing back to me. It seems to me, on my side of the canyon, the search for unity with another is the font of much of the world's unhappiness. I watch as Watson, eager as ever to extract some meaning from the prevailing social conventions, endures a series of curated mating rituals. It seems to me that she's incrementally less content each time she returns from one. I conduct myself as though I'm above matters of the heart, chiefly because I have seen them corrode people I respect. But in my candid moments I sometimes wonder if I take the stance I do because "love," for lack of a better word, is a game that I fail to understand, and so I opt not to play. After all, if I truly had the purity of all my convictions, I wouldn't regret so many of the things I've done, nor would I persist against many of my better instincts in this correspondence. I find you a challenge; one that, in spite of all that you've done, continues to stimulate. And so the conversation - futile though it may finally be - continues, and we are left to wonder, have we simply failed to find the answers to the questions that preoccupy us, or can they not be answered at all? Fortunately for both of us, the world always presents the next diversion - the next elaborate distraction - from the problems that vex...

[Moriarty is lying on the floor, bleeding from a gunshot wound]
Jamie Moriarty: Your letters have meant a great deal to me. I find them influencing my decisions in the most surprising ways.
Sherlock Holmes: You could have killed Agent Mattoo. And from your perspective, it would have been the expedient thing.
Jamie Moriarty: And yet, to you, it would have been repugnant. Tell me, is that how you learned to be one of them? By learning to care how your actions seemed in the eyes of another?
Sherlock Holmes: ...I'm not sure I am one of them.

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: The Red-Headed League (#1.16)" (2000)
Carter Wilson: I'm changing the great characters of literature to redheads. I just finished David Copperfield, and now I'm working on Moby Dick.
[changes the color of the Great White Whale to red]
Carter Wilson: Too much?
Sherlock Holmes: [chuckles] I suggest you stick with the herrings.

Sherlock Holmes: I suppose I will have fish and chips in Peking.
Cook: That's Beijing, pal!
Sherlock Holmes: Really? For how long?
Cook: Two hundred years!

Sherlock Holmes: Come Watson, we might just make the National Art Gallery before it closes. I haven't been there in years...

Sherlock Holmes: [looking at a piece of modern art] Watson, for once I am completely baffled!

Sherlock Holmes: Careful, Lestrade, they are dangerous.
Inspector Beth Lestrade: My kinda gig!

"Elementary: A Stitch in Time (#3.20)" (2015)
Sherlock Holmes: [Referring to the victim] I was an admirer. Garrison Boyd was president of the Five Burroughs Skeptic Association. He was debunker of the highest order. He was a bright light of reason in a sea of gullibility and magical thought. He was a professional doubter.
M.E. Hawes: Of?
Sherlock Holmes: Pseudo science. The paranormal. Organized religion. All the usual bollocks.

Finn: I won't pretend that Mr. Boyd and I didn't have a contentious relationship. He took issue with the church on more than one occasion.
Sherlock Holmes: You mean he took issue with your cult.
Finn: He misused that term as well. It's just the kind of rigid, closed minded thinking that I preach against here. At one time or another, every great religion has been attacked as a cult.
Sherlock Holmes: So have most cults.

Sherlock Holmes: [Issuing a hard warning to cult leader Finn] Ms. Weinberg is leaving with *us*. Any attempt to hinder her return to her former life will be met with an energy transference most unpleasant.

Sherlock Holmes: [Referring to a picture of a cable found underneath a woman's home] Meet Ruby. She's a transatlantic data cable. The fastest in the world, and a backup of the North American internet.
Captain Thomas Gregson: She looks like a garden hose.
Sherlock Holmes: It's a curse of the modern age that very significant things appear common place. Now Ruby is one of several undersea cables which connects Europe to the United States. The full spectrum of commerce and communication flows through her optic fibers. As well as the requisite glut of pornography and cat videos.

Sherlock Holmes: Hello. Miss Massee, my name is Sherlock Holmes. I'm a consultant with the New York Police Department. I was hoping I might ask you a few questions.
Yolanda Massee: Do you have a badge?
Sherlock Holmes: I'm afraid I'm quite allergic to iconography.

Sherlock Holmes in Washington (1943)
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, I shall write a monograph some day... on the noxious habit of accumulating useless trivia.

[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, but this is a great country, Watson.
Dr. John H. Watson: It certainly is, my dear fellow.
Sherlock Holmes: Look, up there ahead, the Capitol, the very heart of this democracy.
Dr. John H. Watson: Democracy, the only hope for the future, hey, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: "It's not given to us to peer into the mysteries of the future... but, in the days to come, the British and American people will, for their own safety and for the good of all, will walk together in majesty, and in justice, and in peace."
Dr. John H. Watson: That's magnificent. I quite agree with you.
Sherlock Holmes: Not with me, with Mr. Winston Churchill. I was quoting from the speech he made not so long ago in that very building.

Sherlock Holmes: I assure you, Mr. Ahrens, that Dr. Watson is the very soul of discretion.

Sherlock Holmes: We've got it, Watson.
Dr. John H. Watson: Oh, have we?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes. Come along.
Dr. John H. Watson: Oh yes, well, it's clear as mud to me.

Sherlock Holmes: [Ahrens of the Home Office is explaining the situation about Pettibone having secretly taken a legal document to Washington] What form is this document in?
Mr. Ahrens: It was typed... on two sheets of legal paper.
Dr. John H. Watson: Two sheets? That's too bulky to swallow.
Sherlock Holmes: And dry, Watson, fearfully dry. Especially *legal* papers.

"Elementary: Possibility Two (#1.17)" (2013)
Sherlock Holmes: ...which is why I am considering Possibility Two.
[Watson looks at the second section of the wall, which is bare except for a Post-It Note labeled "Possibility Two."]
Dr. Joan Watson: It's blank.
Sherlock Holmes: Possibility Two has stubbornly refused to reveal itself.
Dr. Joan Watson: Well, keep staring at the wall, I'm sure it's hiding in there somewhere.

Sherlock Holmes: [quoting Benjamin Franklin] You delay, but time will not!

[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: A good detective knows that every task, every interaction, no matter how seemingly banal, has the potential to contain multitudes. I live my life alert to this possibility. I expect my colleagues to do the same.

[repeated line]
Sherlock Holmes: [to Watson] You're a detective now, you tell me.

Crabtree: Delivery for you, Mr. Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: Thank you, Crabtree, but I'm afraid... oh, my God! Is that...?
Dr. Joan Watson: A bee in a box? Yes, it is. Fairly unimpressive as far as bribes go.
Sherlock Holmes: Not if you're an apiculturalist. That's an omnia avosetta. A solitary bee, famed for building exquisite nests from flower petals. It's on the verge of extinction. Crabtree, this is exquisite... I cannot accept it. Please tell Mr. Lydon not to contact me again.
Crabtree: [smiles and covers the box] I told him you are a man of convictions. Perhaps now he'll believe me.

"Elementary: Déjà Vu All Over Again (#1.18)" (2013)
Sherlock Holmes: You didn't know I play the violin?
Captain Thomas Gregson: Before today, I didn't even know you ate food.

Sherlock Holmes: The human face, Watson, is like the penis, or so said the great personality theorist Silvan Tomkins. The point being, the face, like the male member, has a mind of its own. It betrays us on an almost daily basis, advertises our secrets to those who know what to look for.

Sherlock Holmes: Have you spoken to Callie's husband yet?
Dr. Joan Watson: No, I called his art gallery, they said he's out of town until tonight. I'm going to pop in there tomorrow and do my best Colombo impression.
[Holmes gives her a blank look]
Dr. Joan Watson: It was a TV show... never mind.

Sherlock Holmes: Have I told you how distracting I find self-doubt? If you're going to wallow, may I ask that you do it in the privacy of your own room?

Sherlock Holmes: The question remains: how would the murder we think he is responsible for inspire his wife to leave the marriage a second time? How, in this case, does "A" lead to "B"?
Dr. Joan Watson: [after a pause] Maybe "A" didn't lead to "B"... maybe "B" led to "A".

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: The Adventure of the Second Stain (#2.2)" (2001)
Security Droid: Our orders will be obeyed.
Sherlock Holmes: Are you kidding? I don't even take orders from new Scotland Yard.

Mark Trenton: You are the one man who can save us. An impossible robbery has occured.
Sherlock Holmes: One should never confuse the unforeseen with the impossible.

Sherlock Holmes: What was stolen?
Lord Bollinger: That, we cannot reveal.
Sherlock Holmes: In that case, gentlemen, I bid you good day.

Sherlock Holmes: You said your young drapery women seemed eager to have you leave?
Dr. John Watson: She did.
Sherlock Holmes: Then turn off the lights, Watson, let us not keep her waiting.

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: The Scales of Justice (#1.8)" (1999)
Guard: It's not possible, Inspector Lestrade, this door is on a time lock. Nobody could've had access to this room last night.
Sherlock Holmes: It clearly is possible, or you wouldn't now be in need of our services.

Dr. John Watson: Subtract what belongs from the scene, and anything that remains becomes suspicous. A page from your own book, and it served me well.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes. Interesting that you so handily found the evidence amidst such clutter.

Inspector Beth Lestrade: Hm. He said Roylott's got answers. That's just what I'm in the mood for, right about now.
Sherlock Holmes: By all means, lets get some.

Sherlock Holmes: In his own, twisted way, he did it out of love. But at some point, he lost sight of the truth, and then he was lost.
Dr. John Watson: And what would that truth be, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: The truth, my dear Watson, is that even an eminent herpetologist should not attempt to tip the scales of justice in favor of evil.
Inspector Beth Lestrade: Scales of justice, Holmes? Ugh. Good grief!

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: A Case of Identity (#2.9)" (2001)
Sherlock Holmes: Human expressions can be read like letters in the alphabet. 'A' for 'anger', 'B' for 'bothered', and your face has 'V' for 'vexed' written all over it.

Inspector Beth Lestrade: How can you tell? I just hear footsteps.
Sherlock Holmes: Ears and brains, Lestrade.

Sherlock Holmes: Constable Angel, you surprise me. And that is not easy to do.

Sherlock Holmes: Good work, Tennison. You'll do down in the annals of computer wizardry for this one.

"The Return of Sherlock Holmes: The Abbey Grange (#1.2)" (1986)
Sherlock Holmes: [rousing a sleeping Watson before dawn] Come, Watson. Come. The game is afoot.
[exits and Watson lays back down]
Sherlock Holmes: [reopening the door] Get your clothes and come.

Sherlock Holmes: I must admit, Watson, you do have some power of selection.
Dr. Watson: Thank you, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: Which atones for much of which I deplore about your narratives. Your fatal habit of looking at everything from the point of view of a story instead of as a scientific exercise has ruined what might have been an instructive and even classical series of demonstrations.
Dr. Watson: Why do you not write them yourself?
Sherlock Holmes: I will, my dear Watson, I will. In my declining years.

[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: It's almost as though you disapproved of the happiness we have fostered today.
Dr. Watson: Oh, no. I approve of that; of course I do. I am uneasy that you took upon yourself the duties of advocate *and* judge.
Sherlock Holmes: You are too bound by forms, Watson!
Dr. Watson: Forms are society.
Sherlock Holmes: Hmph.
Dr. Watson: Manners maketh man.
Sherlock Holmes: Hah.
Dr. Watson: It's just as well you are unique.

Mr. Viviani: I assure you it is only through study of the good doctor's masterly exposition of your work that I now have any small capacity to reason.
Sherlock Holmes: Really. You amaze me. Watson, are you taking notes?

"Elementary: One Way to Get Off (#1.7)" (2012)
Sherlock Holmes: I left some urine in your room.
Dr. Joan Watson: Tell me it's in a cup.

Victor Nardin: I don't kill those people! Okay?
[Holmes walks into the interrogation room, holding an orange]
Sherlock Holmes: Victor Nardin, think fast!
[He throws it into Nardin's face]
Detective Marcus Bell: *What* are you doing?
Sherlock Holmes: This man is innocent. Detective Bell, a word, please?
Victor Nardin: Why he hit me?
Detective Marcus Bell: [following Holmes out] Hey, stay right there!

Captain Thomas Gregson: [steps in front of Holmes] Listen, I want to tell you that if Wade Crewes is innocent, I'm not going to try to escape the blame.
Sherlock Holmes: Excuse me, Captain, could you please move?
Captain Thomas Gregson: [hurt] I'm trying to tell you something important here!
Sherlock Holmes: Yes well, I wouldn't fall on my sword just yet.

[snooping in Walsh's basement, Holmes hears something from behind a wall]
Sherlock Holmes: Identify yourself.
Katya: [muffled whimpering]
Sherlock Holmes: [horrified] Oh, my God...
[He shoves aside the heavy cabinet covering the wall, revealing a padlocked door. Gregson, Bell, and Walsh come running downstairs]
Captain Thomas Gregson: What the hell are you doing?
Sherlock Holmes: He lied, when he said that he lived alone!
[Holmes grabs a wrench, smashes the padlock, and breaks down the door to reveal Katya, cowering on a mattress in her underwear, chained to the pipes]
Sherlock Holmes: Shh... shh...
[in Russian]
Sherlock Holmes: We are police... police... police...
[He points to Gregson, who hurriedly shows the badge on his belt]
Sherlock Holmes: Police...
Captain Thomas Gregson: [re: Walsh] ARREST HIM!

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: The Sign of Four (#1.10)" (1999)
Sherlock Holmes: [watching his client exiting her hovercab from his window] This case already presents an interesting challenge, Watson.
Dr. John Watson: I say, Holmes, this is too much! How do you know the young lady's not selling vacuum cleaners or some such?
Dr. John Watson: Eyes and brains, sir, eyes and brains.

Sherlock Holmes: Watson, I've eliminated the impossible and the improbable and I can still not deduce where, amongst my notes, you have hidden my lunar passport.

Dr. John Watson: When we get back to Earth, I'm making an appointment with a body shop.
Sherlock Holmes: [groans with the strain of pulling up Watson] You have earned it.

Sherlock Holmes: We all have eyes, and we all have brains. It is how we use them that counts. And how we shall use them in the years to come.

"Elementary: You Do It to Yourself (#1.9)" (2012)
Detective Marcus Bell: [examining a body] No shell casings,, no skull fragments, no brain matter. He was killed elsewhere and then dumped here.
Detective Marcus Bell: Yeah, tell me something I don't know.
Sherlock Holmes: A pig's orgasm lasts up to thirty minutes.

[in the victim's office]
Detective Marcus Bell: Appointment book. Maybe it'll tell us what he got up to last night.
Sherlock Holmes: Unlikely he would notate trips to an underground Chinese gambling parlor.
Detective Marcus Bell: Excuse me?
Sherlock Holmes: That's what he was doing last night.
Detective Marcus Bell: I know you're just waiting for me to ask you why you think that.
Detective Marcus Bell: Why do you think that?
Sherlock Holmes: I'm glad you asked!

Dr. Joan Watson: Did you get any sleep last night?
Sherlock Holmes: Hard to sleep knowing that a psychopath might have managed to ruin two lives from beyond the grave.

Sherlock Holmes: [takes a sip] Ugh, what is this? I asked for tea.
Dr. Joan Watson: That's what you got.
Sherlock Holmes: No, I'm British. This is not tea.

"Your Show Time: The Adventure of the Speckled Band (#1.10)" (1949)
Dr. Grimesby Roylott: [Referring to Helen] What did she want?
Sherlock Holmes: Who?
Dr. Grimesby Roylott: [Belligerently] I know my stepdaughter was here.
Sherlock Holmes: Since it's obvious you're determined to deduce matters for yourself, what need do you have for a detective?
Dr. Grimesby Roylott: I saw her leave here. What has she been saying to you?
Sherlock Holmes: That, sir, unless you're a crystal gazer, you shall never know, and now leave my quarters.
Dr. Grimesby Roylott: Very well, I shall, but I give you final warning to stay out of my affairs, and if you're tempted to forget,
[He bends an iron bar with his hands]
Dr. Grimesby Roylott: let that be a reminder to you.
[He leaves]
Sherlock Holmes: [Holmes twists the bar back into shape] I feel now I'm liable to forget.
[Watson tries to bend the bar unsuccessfully]

Dr. Watson: But how do gypsies come into this?
Sherlock Holmes: I can't imagine.
Dr. Watson: I'm afraid I see many objections to admitting them.
Sherlock Holmes: So do I, my dear Watson, so do I. That's why we're going down there this afternoon if you'd like to join me.
Dr. Watson: O-o-o, I always say, two heads are better than one.

Sherlock Holmes: [to Watson] Now we shall wait for our visitor in any form he should come.

Sherlock Holmes: One of the few times in my life I find the facts and my instincts completely at odds. I would like to gamble on my instincts.
Helen Stoner: I should too.

Sherlock Holmes: Incident at Victoria Falls (1992) (TV)
Sherlock Holmes: Watson, I think you should perform a post-mortem on this woman.
Dr. John Watson: Good God, Holmes, she was ripped apart by crocodiles!

Dr. John Watson: Which means?
Sherlock Holmes: Son of pig.
Dr. John Watson: Really? I wouldn't expect a lady of any caste to say such a thing.

Dr. John Watson: Are you absolutely sure it will be tonight, Holmes? It's almost tomorrow.
Sherlock Holmes: I have been wrong on three occasions, Watson, who can tell, this might be the fourth.

Dr. John Watson: Well I never. So you had the real stone all the time, and the tieves had the fake one. Could that be true?
Sherlock Holmes: When you write the story, Watson, you decide.

"Elementary: One Watson, One Holmes (#3.19)" (2015)
Sherlock Holmes: Enjoy yourself, Watson
Dr. Joan Watson: I will try, Holmes

Sherlock Holmes: Our relationship is predicated on one Holmes and one Watson. It's a delicate homeostasis. It doesn't function properly if there are two Holmeses and no Watsons. So while I am sensitive to this is likely a ripple effect from the tragedy, turning yourself into me in response is not good for our partnership.

Cory Evans: You said you're with the NYPD. We're big supporters of law enforcement.
Sherlock Holmes: You're partisan hacks who twist facts until they cohere to a pre-existing viewpoint. All whilst hiding behind the seemingly academic label of a think tank. I despise you and people of your ilk on both sides of the aisle.

Sherlock Holmes: I owe you a bit of an apology. I attempted to express my concern for you last night, but my thoughts were distorted by the lens of my own needs. It was not optimally done.
Dr. Joan Watson: Oh, that's okay.
Sherlock Holmes: What I was trying to say was that one of the things I've gained from our collaboration is a working definition of the word friendship. Friendship, I've come to believe, is most accurately defined as two people moving towards the best aspects of one another. It is a relationship of mutual benefit, mutual gain. Another thing I've learned is that my isolationist tendencies are decidedly not my best quality. I am not a better person because of a lack of connection. So, I think the healthy thing is for you not to move in my direction. In fact, quite the opposite.
Dr. Joan Watson: That's worth thinking about.

The Sign of Four (1987) (TV)
[first lines]
Dr. John Watson: Very pretty young woman crossing the street. And I think she may be coming here.
Sherlock Holmes: Incidentally, I have glanced over your latest account of my work.
Dr. John Watson: Oh, yes?
Sherlock Holmes: Honestly, I cannot congratulate you upon it. Detection is, or ought to be, an exact science. Observation, deduction, a cold unemotional subject. You have attempted to tinge it with romanticism which has much the same effect as if you'd worked a love-story or an elopement into the fifth proposition of Euclid.

Dr. John Watson: What a very attractive woman!
Sherlock Holmes: It is of the first importance not to allow your judgement to be biased by personal qualities. A client to me is a mere unit, a factor of the problem.
Dr. John Watson: Holmes, you are an automaton, a calculating machine; there is something positively inhuman in you at times.
Sherlock Holmes: I assure you the most winning woman I ever knew was hanged for poisoning three little children for their insurance-money, and the most repellent man of my acquaintance is a philanthropist who has spent nearly a quarter of a million upon the London poor.
Dr. John Watson: However, in this case...
Sherlock Holmes: Ah. I never make exceptions. An exception disproves the rule.

Sherlock Holmes: You will not follow my precept. How often have I said to you when once you've eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, *however improbable*, must be the truth?

[last lines]
Dr. John Watson: What a very attractive woman.
Sherlock Holmes: Was she? I hadn't noticed.

"Elementary: Scrambled (#5.23)" (2017)
Dr. Joan Watson: We should talk to Shinwell's neighbors.
Sherlock Holmes: It's already done. No one saw or heard anything suspicious. You may have arrived just minutes after the killer left, but it might as well have been years. This scene is as cold as they come.
Captain Thomas Gregson: You said your friend was working for the department as a CI. He was undercover in SBK?
Sherlock Holmes: That's right.
Captain Thomas Gregson: Gang informants have two jobs that can get them killed. I get what this looks like, him getting stabbed in the back.
Dr. Joan Watson: That's what this gang does to snitches. You stab them in the back, they do the same to you. It's been that way for years

Sherlock Holmes: There's no sign of forced entry. Whoever did this may have been sent because Shinwell was willling to let them in.
Dr. Joan Watson: We trained him. He would never turn his back on someone he didn't trust completely. It was SBK, I'm sure of it.
Captain Thomas Gregson: Do you have any idea why he invited you down here?
Dr. Joan Watson: He said he was making progress, moving up in the gang. Whatever he needed, he knew I'd try to help him.
Captain Thomas Gregson: You were that close?
Dr. Joan Watson: It was complicated. I believed in what he was doing.

Sherlock Holmes: I've always found it one of your most commendable qualities, that you're more forgiving of other people than you are of yourself. But this was not your fault. None of it was. Shinwell was on this path long before we came across him. He knew better than anyone it could end this way.
Dr. Joan Watson: I don't feel responsible. I'm angry. And I'm not sure that I'm ready to say that his path was a dead end.
Sherlock Holmes: What do you mean?
Dr. Joan Watson: Say we find the person who killed him. So what? That person was just following orders, protecting his boss, making sure that nothing changes, so the drugs keep flowing and the bodies keep piling up. Shinwell was trying to do something important. We have to decide whether that died tonight, too.
Sherlock Holmes: You sure you want to do this?
[Watson nods]
Sherlock Holmes: Well, get some sleep, then, Watson. Tomorrow morning, we go to war with one of New York's deadliest gangs.

Captain Thomas Gregson: What is that?
Sherlock Holmes: This is an Enigma machine. During the Second World War, this device represented a transformative leap forward in cryptography. It is a product of pure genius.
Captain Thomas Gregson: What's it doing here?
Sherlock Holmes: We're keeping up with the Joneses. Or rather, keeping up with the Folsoms. Bonzi Folsom. He had the very same model in his apartment. I noticed it tucked under his desk. Didn't quite fit the rest of his aesthetic. Every day, Mr. Folsom uses his Enigma machine to encrypt messages he wants to send to his SBK brethren. He then takes the ensuing codes and disguses them as file names on his social media feed. His cronies then, using their own Enigma machines, decrypt the messages, carry out the orders.
Dr. Joan Watson: There are digital Enigma simulators online, but Bonzi uses a real one. So we thought we'd better get one, too, in case he modifies his to affect the encryption.
Captain Thomas Gregson: How long before we're reading his mail?
Sherlock Holmes: Might take a while. We've narrowed it down to 100 billion substitution codes.

"Elementary: The Marchioness (#2.7)" (2013)
Sherlock Holmes: Could you just stay out of the eyeline?
Mycroft Holmes: You're joking. I was just standing here.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, that's the problem.

Dr. Joan Watson: [Sherlock is jabbing her while she's sleeping] Why are you poking me with your single stick?
Sherlock Holmes: I'm prodding the sheets in order to determine whether or not my brother is in there with you.

Sherlock Holmes: [to Mycroft] Would you get in touch with the Marchioness? I would very much like to ask her why drug dealers want to murder her horse.

Sherlock Holmes: Joan Watson, this is Nigella Mason, my brother's former fiancee.
Dr. Joan Watson: Oh... oh! It's, uh, nice to meet you.
Nigella Lawson: Lovely to meet you.
Mycroft Holmes: Shall we?
Nigella Lawson: Yes.
[as she and Mycroft take their seats, Joan turns to Sherlock]
Dr. Joan Watson: [whispering] I'm confused. Didn't you and your brother's fiancee...?
Sherlock Holmes: Rut? Copulate? Engage in several bouts of vigorous sex? Yes, yes we did.

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: The Five Orange Pips (#1.15)" (2000)
John Openshaw: Get your metal lackey away from me!
Sherlock Holmes: Young John Openshaw here is seeking our assistance, Dr. Watson.
Dr. John Watson: Indeed? Then I shall assist him down the street to the personality improvement seminar.

Sherlock Holmes: Oh, and stay away from the windows. The night most assuredly has eyes.

Inspector Beth Lestrade: Deduce that all by yourself, did you?
Sherlock Holmes: I am Sherlock Holmes, after all...

Sherlock Holmes: Not to worry, either of you. Moriarty will soon discover the same thing I did: that the cybernests antiquated virus dynamo has long become obsolete, and quite harmless. It belongs in a museum, not an arsenal.

"Batman: The Brave and the Bold: Trials of the Demon! (#1.15)" (2009)
[Batman appears in front of Holmes and Watson]
Dr. Watson: A demon!
Sherlock Holmes: He's a hero, it's obvious by the bright blue and yellow in his costume. The mask means he must be well-known, perhaps a wealthy entrepreneur with ample free time. Square jaw indicates strong lineage, perhaps a doctor's son. And the bat motif, most surely inspired by some childhood trauma. The Masked Bat, perhaps?
Batman: Actually, it's Batman.

Batman: Sherlock Holmes, I presume?
Sherlock Holmes: How did you deduce my identity so quickly?
Batman: The hat.

Sherlock Holmes: Before you depart, I must know: how did you really deduce my identity?
Batman: Everyone knows who you are. You're the world's greatest detective.

Dr. Watson: [after someone says that even a blind man could see that Jason Blood is a witch] Evidence does seem heavily stacked against Blood.
Sherlock Holmes: What did I tell you about being an imbecile?
Dr. Watson: To... stop?
Sherlock Holmes: Precisely.

"Elementary: The Man with the Twisted Lip (#2.21)" (2014)
Sherlock Holmes: [suspicious about Mycroft's appearance in New York] Have you come back to sleep with Watson again?

Dr. Joan Watson: I think you might have been right.
Sherlock Holmes: [matter-of-factly] Yeah.
Sherlock Holmes: On what topic?

Sherlock Holmes: the steeple of St. Olaf's church... in pursuit of a lost cat belonging to one of our friends in Everyone.
Dr. Joan Watson: Can't we just find a hacker collective that accepts cash?

Sherlock Holmes: Watson, I've not respected your privacy. I apologize for that. Please know, I value you for more than just the many benefits you've brought into my life. I value you as a person.
Dr. Joan Watson: That's nice. It really is. But your apologies always seem to come after you already got what you wanted.

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: The Adventure of the Engineer's Thumb (#2.3)" (2001)
Inspector Beth Lestrade: Ok, Louie, spill. Who's pedling the black market tickers?
Louie the Snitch: I-I dunno, I'm just a middle man.
Sherlock Holmes: Organ legging. The illicit trafficing of stolen human body parts. In my day, not even Jack the Ripper stooped so low.

Dr. John Watson: Well, I'll be reformated! Jill and Michael are partners in crime!
Sherlock Holmes: They appear to be partners in something.

Sherlock Holmes: The game is afoot. And several other anatomical parts as well.

Sherlock Holmes: I must say, this scheme is exceptionally grotesque and vampyric. Even for you, Fenwick.

"Elementary: For All You Know (#3.16)" (2015)
Oscar Rankin: Been a long time.
Sherlock Holmes: Not long enough, Oscar. Not nearly.

Oscar Rankin: I can't believe it's been three years.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, well... time flies when you're on heroin.

Sherlock Holmes: You're positive I didn't do it.
Joan Watson: Of course, I am.
Sherlock Holmes: How?
Joan Watson: Because I know you.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes. Better than anyone. But, let me make one thing perfectly clear. You did not know *him*. You never met *him*.
Joan Watson: So, you're Dr. Jekyll now, and he's Mr. Hyde?
Sherlock Holmes: You continue to misunderstand. At that point in my life, I did not plumb down into some dark part of myself. I *detached* from myself. From all that was essential to me. To say that you can guess what I was capable of is illogical! I was a different person. And the fact that I remember so little from that time has been *nothing* but a *tremendous* relief to me! Until now!

Sherlock Holmes: [to Watson] It's a form of torture... Having to swim through my old life. I know that over the years, you've suffered your own travails, and you can relate to a profound sense of guilt. You cannot relate to a profound sense of shame.

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: The Adventure of the Mazarin Chip (#2.8)" (2001)
Prime Minister: Lestrade, I don't know why you sent that memmo, begging me to see this lunatic. Grayson was right: he couldn't find a thief in a prison!
Sherlock Holmes: I take issue with you, Prime Minister. Unless I am very much mistaken, Mr. Fenwick here, and his employer are the thieves who stole your precious Mazarin Chip.

Sherlock Holmes: Cats are singular animals. And it is a fact that cats lick 95% of the humans they come in contact with. A particularly useful trait, I have found, in the field of criminology.

Sherlock Holmes: We shall see who's DNA Tigerlilly has had the pleasure of licking in the past few hours.

Prime Minister: I take it back, I take it all back. Mr. Holmes, you're a genius.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, I wouldn't say that, Prime Minister, just observant. Eyes and brains, my dears, eyes and brains.

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: The Adventure of the Deranged Detective (#1.6)" (1999)
Sherlock Holmes: Nano technology. Hmm... since 'nano' is Latin for one billionth, I guess we're talking about very small machinery.
Chief Inspector Greyson: Yes... something like that.

Sherlock Holmes: [introducing himself and Watson] I'm doctor... Arthur Doyle and this is doctor... Conan. We're acting as liasons for New Scotland Yard.

Sherlock Holmes: [picking up a piece of string] I sense we are about to tie this one up.

Inspector Beth Lestrade: Holmes... sorry about trying to, hm, well, terminate you.
Sherlock Holmes: Think nothing of it.

"Elementary: We Are Everyone (#2.3)" (2013)
Sherlock Holmes: No Belgian is that bad at backgammon.

Sherlock Holmes: Are governments capable of evil? Yes, of course they are. All institutions are. But they're more capable of incompetence.

[conversing in a chat room, Sherlock and Joan see the message, "And we want naked pics."]
Sherlock Holmes: Very well.
[He stands and starts to unbuckle his trousers. The computer responds, "Not you. The chick."]
Dr. Joan Watson: [scoffs] No.
Sherlock Holmes: I remind you, we are investigating a murder.
Dr. Joan Watson: *No*.

Sherlock Holmes: What are you doing?
Dr. Joan Watson: I'm looking at profiles of guys who winked at me on TrueRomantix.
Sherlock Holmes: I weep for the whole desperate lot of you.

"The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: The Resident Patient (#2.4)" (1985)
Sherlock Holmes: I don't suppose you've read my monograph on cigars and cigar ash?
Inspector Lanner: [mumbles] Well, I, um...
Sherlock Holmes: No, of course not.

Sherlock Holmes: The actual facts are very simple.

Inspector Lanner: But what proof?
Sherlock Holmes: I'll have it before the day is out.

[last lines]
Dr. John Watson: I thought I'd call it "The Brook Street Mystery". No?
Sherlock Holmes: Well, I myself would prefer "The Resident Patient", but please do not let me influence you. "The Brook Street Mystery" no doubt would suffice.

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: The Adventure of the Dancing Men (#1.11)" (1999)
Sherlock Holmes: Besides, remember this: the best assistant is a well trained assistant.

Wiggins: Were there any witnesses?
Sherlock Holmes: The room itself is a witness. Our job is to observe what it has to say and deduce what has occured.

Sherlock Holmes: My fighting skills may be centuries old, but they're still fair enough to stop you, Mr. Slaney.

Sherlock Holmes: So Watson, our young companions did a splendid job of solving the case. It was just a matter of getting enough facts to analyse accurately.
Dr. John Watson: I must admit, Holmes, I had my doubts, for which I roundly apologize to all.
Deidre: Talk is cheap, Watson.
Wiggins: Nothing says 'I'm sorry' like seconds.
[Tennison chirps and all laugh as Watson offers them more tea and crumpet]

"Sherlock Holmes: The Case of the Texas Cowgirl (#1.4)" (1954)
[Holmes glances out the window of his Baker Street apartment]
Sherlock Holmes: A visitor, Watson.
Dr. John H. Watson: What? At this hour?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, a young lady who arrived in a covered wagon.
Dr. John H. Watson: A what?
Sherlock Holmes: A covered wagon. Now what is so unusual about that?

Sherlock Holmes: Won't you sit down.
Minnie: No time to sit down - not with that man in my room.
Dr. John H. Watson: Man in your room!
Minnie: Don't get excited, Doc. It's all right - he's dead.
Dr. John H. Watson: Oh well, of course, in that case... What? Dead?
Minnie: With his head bashed up a little and my tomahawk layin' next to him.

Sherlock Holmes: Tell me, Lestrade, did any of the guests report missing jewelry tonight?
Inspector Lestrade: No. Why?
[pouring a handful of gems out of a hollow bedpost]
Sherlock Holmes: Well, they will soon.

[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: Minnie, may I ask you something.
Minnie: Sure can.
Sherlock Holmes: Would you really have shot me?
Minnie: Well, I reckon not. Maybe just wounded you a little.
[Minnie winks at Watson]
Minnie: [toasting] Here's to you, pards!
Sherlock Holmes, Dr. John H. Watson: Here's to you, Minnie.

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: The Man with the Twisted Lip (#1.17)" (2000)
Dr. John Watson: How would you remember that?
Sherlock Holmes: It was a unsolved crime, I tend to take note of such, as you know.

Dr. John Watson: You wouldn't be... jealous, would you, Holmes? After all, I have taken over your spot in this case. Rather successfully, I might add...
Sherlock Holmes: I envy no one, Watson. It wastes energy and is not productive. Now, on to Baker street.
Dr. John Watson: [to himself] Oh, he's jealous alright...

Dr. John Watson: I say Holmes, you nearly gave me an overload!
Sherlock Holmes: Sorry old man. We can't risk being seen.
Dr. John Watson: Rather unlikely please to meet, isn't it?
Sherlock Holmes: On the contrary, Watson. It is the most likely.

Sherlock Holmes: British Intelligence officers? Why are they here?
Inspector Beth Lestrade: It's not for their intelligence, I can tell you that.

"Elementary: Child Predator (#1.3)" (2012)
Sherlock Holmes: No jogging, sorry.
Dr. Joan Watson: I thought that we both agreed that a little exercise would be a good addition to your sobriety.
Sherlock Holmes: For future reference, when I say that "I agree with you", it means I'm not listening.
Dr. Joan Watson: Do you know what else is great? Jazzercise. Get you some leg warmers, headband, you'll look awesome.
Sherlock Holmes: I agree with you.

Dr. Joan Watson: I'm sorry. Were you talking to me? Because I thought I was just a cavernous expanse between two ears.
Sherlock Holmes: You mustn't be so sensitive, Watson. The service you're providing is quite valuable. For a brief stretch in London I talked only to a phrenology bust I kept in my study. I named him Angus. It wasn't the same. I realized that when it came to listeners I preferred animates to inanimate. Quite a breakthrough, really.
Dr. Joan Watson: "Angus." I'm glad I made it to the "animate" category.

Sherlock Holmes: From a drop of water, a logician can infer the possibility of an Atlantic or a Niagara, without having seen or heard of either one.

Sherlock Holmes: Right after you solve a case you're flush with success. We should double down on work.
Dr. Joan Watson: We?
Sherlock Holmes: You, me...
[holds up phrenology bust]
Sherlock Holmes: Angus. Some combination of the three. You already know I favor you.

"Elementary: The Best Way Out Is Always Through (#3.22)" (2015)
Sherlock Holmes: [Entering the subway] Watson, you've lived here your whole life. Why do think so many New Yorkers feel the need to combine public transportation with public urination?
Dr. Joan Watson: You know, it's part of the charm.

Sherlock Holmes: [Arguing about whether or not Bell knows that the detective he's been seeing works for Internal Affairs] Well, say he doesn't. How is it any of our concern?
Dr. Joan Watson: Are you serious?
Sherlock Holmes: We're not cops, Watson. For as long as there's been police, there's been police corruption. The bureau might not be popular, but it's utterly necessary.
Dr. Joan Watson: You just said you surveilled them.
Sherlock Holmes: Because I feared that they might not approve of our methods. Not because I thought they're inherently evil.

Sherlock Holmes: For a previously unremarkable drug dealer, Ms. Moreno continues to defy expectations. Spree killer is yet another category dominated by men.
Dr. Joan Watson: [Softly sarcastic] How *does* she do it?
Sherlock Holmes: Would you be happier if women were better criminals?

Sherlock Holmes: I have what some might call a strong personality.
Detective Marcus Bell: [Sarcastically] Nahhh.

"Elementary: Solve for X (#2.2)" (2013)
[after Sherlock explains Harlan's background as a mathematician]
Dr. Joan Watson: And you asked him to help you make sense of the equations that you found in the victim's house, I get that. What I don't get, is why he isn't wearing a shirt.
Sherlock Holmes: Every great thinker has a process, Watson. In Harlan's case, he doesn't like anything to come between him and the numbers. Knowing your Victorian attitude about such things, I gave him a little bell to ring in case he feels the need to disrobe completely. Having said that, I can't promise he won't sit on the furniture.

Sherlock Holmes: I know all about poisons, Watson. I've become an expert on all of them. But over the last few years, I've come to understand that there is nothing on this earth so toxic as guilt.

Sherlock Holmes: [motions to the evidence wall] Watson, Conundrum; Conundrum, Watson.

[Holmes and Bell are examining what looks like an empty room in a murder victim's house]
Sherlock Holmes: We need to find the black light.
Detective Marcus Bell: What?
Sherlock Holmes: There's a chemical called CAM phosphor that's all over the walls, smells like burnt matchsticks. Smell it, smell it!
[Bell does]
Sherlock Holmes: It's a key ingredient in an ink that only shows up under...
[he removes the shade from a standing lamp, revealing a black light bulb]
Sherlock Holmes: Ultraviolet light.
[He motions to the blinds]
Detective Marcus Bell: What? Oh.
[He draws the blinds to darken the room, and Holmes switches on the light, revealing the walls covered, floor to ceiling, in mathematical formulas]
Detective Marcus Bell: What is it?
Sherlock Holmes: Well, I'm going to take a very literal stab in the dark and say... maths.

"The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes: The Eligible Bachelor (#3.2)" (1993)
[first lines]
Sherlock Holmes: This is the asylum at Varnish.
Dr Watson: The misery there must be behind those walls. Hm.
Sherlock Holmes: There's no escape from the terrors of the mind.
Dr Watson: Indeed. Well, another case concluded.
Sherlock Holmes: Pah! I needn't have left Baker Street. An observant child could have solved it.

[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: How dare you! How dare you make a record of this case!
Dr Watson: Ho, record. Oh, no no no no no, I'm merely answering an invitation... to another seminar.
Sherlock Holmes: Really? Well, be quick; we leave in an hour.
Dr Watson: What for?
Sherlock Holmes: For heaven's sake, Watson, the performance.

Sherlock Holmes: I can not expect you to understand how much I envy you. The delight it must be to face an opponent of some worth.

Sherlock Holmes: It is unique in my experience to have served the sentence before committing the crime.

"Elementary: The Deductionist (#1.14)" (2013)
[Holmes is dismissive of an FBI profiler assisting the investigation]
Dr. Joan Watson: Isn't profiling part of what you do?
Sherlock Holmes: I deduce. Enormous difference.

[first lines]
Sexy Woman #1: You ready to get in on the act?
Sherlock Holmes: I thought you'd never ask.
[the two ladies handcuff him to the chair... then turn off the music]
Sherlock Holmes: What's this, intermission?
Sexy Woman #1: No, this is the part where we take your stuff.
Sexy Woman #2: We're robbing you.
Sherlock Holmes: I don't suppose you could finish the show first?
Sexy Woman #1: How much money do you keep in the house?
Sherlock Holmes: I've never been robbed by people in their underwear before. Well, no, there was this one chap... but you two are much prettier.

Sherlock Holmes: [on Drummond] If she was wrong about you...
Martin Ennis: Then maybe she's wrong about you as well. Maybe you won't die after turning back to drugs, to help dull those senses that just won't shut down. Is that what terrifies you?
Sherlock Holmes: That and clowns.

[on Drummond]
Dr. Joan Watson: So she's an ex.
Sherlock Holmes: More like a C. C-plus, at best. We had an arrangement while she was in London, similar to the arrangement I have with other women here in New York. We performed the act of love loudly and repeatedly, without any actual love, or even any "like." I would describe it as an act of self-love, were it not for the fact that she was technically present.

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: The Adventure of the Beryl Board (#2.7)" (2001)
Sherlock Holmes: Observe. And from what you observe, draw conclusions.

Sherlock Holmes: You will bring Arthur.
Inspector Beth Lestrade: Grayson won't like it, ew, but what else is new?

Sherlock Holmes: I am sad to see that there are still men who use love to twist a young girls heart against her family, and even her own wishes... and make her a willing pawn in their criminal schemes. I fear that Burwell is just such a man, and our Mary is just such a girl.

"Sherlock Holmes: The Sign of Four (#2.15)" (1968)
Sherlock Holmes: [Last lines] Love is an emotional thing. I shall never marry, lest I bias my judgment.
Dr. Watson: I trust my judgement shall survive it. You are weary, Holmes. You don't ask much of life, do you?
Sherlock Holmes: Work, my dear Watson, a problem to solve is all I ask. I cannot live without brainwork. Give me the pleasure of finding a field for my own peculiar powers. Give me work. This is my reward. And I am content.

Sherlock Holmes: Don't tell me too much, Watson. Women are never to be trusted... even the best of them.

Sherlock Holmes: Watson, how often have I said, "When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, howeever improbable, must be the truth"?

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: The Gloria Scott (#2.4)" (2001)
Sherlock Holmes: When did they make their escape, Lestrade?
Inspector Beth Lestrade: Three days ago.
Sherlock Holmes: Hm, they could be on the moon by now.

Sherlock Holmes: A most challenging conundrum. I shall turn my full attention to your case, Victor.
Inspector Beth Lestrade: Hold on Holmes, New Scotland Yard needs your expertise. You just can't go off and...
Sherlock Holmes: [holds up a hand to interrupt] Sorry, Lestrade, Victor is my friend. But more than that, he is a friend in need.

Inspector Beth Lestrade: [laughs] Gloria made them take her name off it.
Sherlock Holmes: Gloria. Please elaborate.
Dr. John Watson: Gloria Scott Reilly, the woman who pioneered algae farming on the moon. The shuttle was christened in her honor.

"The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes: The Golden Pince-Nez (#1.3)" (1994)
[first lines]
Sherlock Holmes: No, this is the monastery's accounts dating to the early fifteenth century.
Mycroft Holmes: Mm, precisely what I thought.
Sherlock Holmes: But surely this has great political significance.
Mycroft Holmes: A matter of particular delicacy.

Sherlock Holmes: That's father's magnifying glass.
Mycroft Holmes: Yes.
Sherlock Holmes: He gave it to you?
Mycroft Holmes: Mm.
Sherlock Holmes: How ironic.

[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: Ah, Professor, be sure your sin will find you out.

"The Return of Sherlock Holmes: Silver Blaze (#2.2)" (1988)
Inspector Gregory: Is there any other point to which you wish to draw my attention, Mr. Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: To the curious incident of the dog in the night-time.
Colonel Ross: But the dog did nothing in the night-time.
Sherlock Holmes: That is the curious incident.

Sherlock Holmes: Watson, I have made a blunder, which I am afraid is a more common occurrence than anyone would think who only knew me through your memoirs.

[first lines]
Sherlock Holmes: It's no good. I shall have to go.
Dr Watson: Go? Go? Go where?
Sherlock Holmes: King's Pyland.
[points to newspaper]
Dr Watson: [reads] "Last evening, Inspector Gregory of the Devonshire constabulary arrested well-known racing personality Fitzroy Simpson and charged him with the murder of trainer John Straker."

"Elementary: The One Percent Solution (#2.16)" (2014)
Sherlock Holmes: Someone just claimed credit for the bomb.
Gareth Lestrade: Right. Aurelius. So we're after big game now, are we? There is a great white loose in these waters.
Sherlock Holmes: Which is it?
Gareth Lestrade: Beg your pardon?
Sherlock Holmes: Are we hunting game, or are we fishing for sharks? 'Cause you can't have it both ways, metaphorically speaking.

Sherlock Holmes: [Holmes has rescued two fighting cocks and is planning to tame them. Watson appears nonplussed] You seem upset - you have an aversion to cocks?

Dr. Joan Watson: [Watson carries one of the chickens down to Holmes] Why is Romulus outside my door?
Sherlock Holmes: That's Remus.
Dr. Joan Watson: I don't care which cock I'm holding, I just want to know how it got there.
[Holmes smirks]
Dr. Joan Watson: Okay, congratulations, you got me to say it.
Sherlock Holmes: I don't know if you've settled on an epitaph yet, but it does occur to me that that would look fantastic on a tombstone.

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: Silver Blaze (#1.14)" (2000)
Dr. John Watson: It could be anywhere.
Sherlock Holmes: Hardly anywhere, Watson. After all, we are talking about a twenty ton spacecraft. Surely, that must narrow possible hiding places.
Inspector Beth Lestrade: [on viewscreen] Well, whoever stole it didn't have much time to hide it and we've checked everywhere imaginable.
Sherlock Holmes: Nonsense, Lestrade. You must expand your imagination. The thief certainly did.

Sherlock Holmes: Elementary physics, Watson: for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Sherlock Holmes: Elementary geometry: the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.

"Elementary: The Cost of Doing Business (#4.6)" (2015)
Sherlock Holmes: I need to ask you something personal. It's a medical question. I-I wouldn't intrude, but it may well be genetic. So on that basis, I feel entitled. Are you suffering from low T?
Mr. Morland Holmes: Excuse me?
Sherlock Holmes: A deficiency, and imbalance in your hormone levels. Is it what's causing this late onset humanity that you've been exhibiting since your return to New York? Is it why you comforted Mrs. Bova?
Mr. Morland Holmes: Was i such a terrible father that you can't imagine me being kind to a widow?
Sherlock Holmes: I'm only asking because it is treatable. It's not uncommon in men of your age.
Mr. Morland Holmes: Isn't it more likely that you've never seen me as I am

Dr. Joan Watson: I would've expected you to be a little more... exasperated after spending a whole day with your father.
Sherlock Holmes: It was interesting.
Dr. Joan Watson: Interesting?
Sherlock Holmes: Well, he was helpful at certain points. And I could get used to having a helicopter at my disposal.

Sherlock Holmes: I don't know what's more regrettable. That a mass murderer didn't suffer or that he couldn't be taken alive.
Detective Marcus Bell: ESU did what that they could. They were taking fire. This guy had the place wired. He saw them coming.
Sherlock Holmes: I was not implying fault. I just wished he could had given us what we needed and then died.

"Elementary: Dead Man's Switch (#1.20)" (2013)
Sherlock Holmes: You were asking me if I'd found anything, and the answer is maybe. Two years ago, Charles Milverton referred a client to "the Sheriff." His name was Abraham Zelner, a morbidly obese man who wanted to sue an airline for removing him from a flight. Earlier we were theorizing that "Henry 8" was Milverton's accomplice. Henry *the* VIII, as I'm sure you're aware, was the fattest monarch in British history.
Dr. Joan Watson: So you think Zelner was his accomplice, and that Milverton gave him that code name because he was heavy-set?
Sherlock Holmes: Orson Welles was heavy-set. Abraham Zelner could pull small moons out of orbit.

Ken Whitman: My sponsor was out of town, so I reached out to Alfredo. I just needed somebody to talk to, but then he told me about you. He said that you might be able to help?
Sherlock Holmes: I have a particular disdain for blackmailers. They are, in some respects, more despicable to me than even murderers. Ms. Watson and I will find the person who has been targeting you. We will also find their accomplice. We shall then destroy every trace of this vile recording.

Sherlock Holmes: You're a liar, who lies.

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: The Adventure of the Sussex Vampire Lot (#1.7)" (1999)
Dr. John Watson: Those Galacto-steel vault doors are a full meter thick, Holmes. They were designed to withstand a nuclear war.
Sherlock Holmes: Ah, but nothing can withstand our Lestrade. She's a force of nature onto herself.

Sherlock Holmes: Watch yourself, Watson. Remember, you are a walking databank. If some sort of data-sucking fiend is loose in the city, just think whan an irresistible target you would be.

Sherlock Holmes: No matter, the watch is over. The bird has shown, and the bird has flown.

"Elementary: Just a Regular Irregular (#3.3)" (2014)
Phil Simms: [Seeing Watson] What's this?
Dr. Joan Watson: You're...
Phil Simms: Not here.
[to Holmes]
Phil Simms: I'm not here. Remember that, okay?
Sherlock Holmes: Oh yes. Heaven forbid if your work with me should offend your precious day job.
Dr. Joan Watson: You throw knives?
Phil Simms: [to Holmes] Ya know, it was supposed to be just you here.
Sherlock Holmes: Philip is arguably the greatest knife thrower in the world.
[Phil give the disbelieving Watson a proud smile]
Sherlock Holmes: Has been for decades. Only there is little money to be made in the impalement arts. So, as a youth, he turned to what you Americans term football.
[He shrugs in disbelief]
Dr. Joan Watson: Is this a joke?
Sherlock Holmes: [Retrieves two large knives and offers them to Philip] Philip, head and heart.
Phil Simms: C'mon...
Sherlock Holmes: Head and heart.
Phil Simms: [Throws the knives and hits the head and heart of the life sized mannequin across the room, then turns to Sherlock] Can I go?
Sherlock Holmes: Yeah. Fifteen years he spent throwing that misshapen ball around. Fifteen years. When I think of the acclaim he could have brought to competitive blade slinging...

Sherlock Holmes: [Advising Kitty on getting help] I've looked into a number of support groups. As you are well aware, I have benefited greatly from similar settings.
Kitty Winter: You have.
Sherlock Holmes: The process I find is not unlike voiding one's bowels.

Sherlock Holmes: [Waiting outside Harlan's home] Harlan.
Harlan Emple: You can't take a hint, can you? I got your text messages. I don't want to see you right now. So, if you came here to apologize...
Sherlock Holmes: Actually, I came here to spare you an agonizing death.
Sherlock Holmes: Can I come in?

"Elementary: While You Were Sleeping (#1.2)" (2012)
[repeated line]
Sherlock Holmes: Attic theory.

[burning his violin; to Watson]
Sherlock Holmes: You were right about the stress relief. I felt like Jimi Hendrix for a second there.

Dr. Joan Watson: Hey, I found something in the hall closet the other day.
Sherlock Holmes: Was it the zipper mask, because I swear I'm just holding that for a friend.

"Elementary: Under My Skin (#3.21)" (2015)
Sherlock Holmes: In my youth, I was dismissed from multiple posts. Being ousted for insubordination to a mental incompetent is its own reward.

Joan Watson: How did your errand go this afternoon?
Sherlock Holmes: Poorly.
Joan Watson: Do you want to talk about it?
Sherlock Holmes: I have some concerns over personal decisions an associate of mine has made. And I told him so.
Joan Watson: Okay.
Sherlock Holmes: He reminded me that we're not friends. And he asked that I restrict my concerns to those that fall within the stated parameters of our relationship.
Joan Watson: Did that seem unreasonable to you?
Sherlock Holmes: In fact, I know that it is not.
Joan Watson: Then what's the problem?
Sherlock Holmes: That's what I'm trying to determine.

Sherlock Holmes: [Referring to having helped Alfredo] What's the problem?
Alfredo Llamosa: I told you to stay out of it.
Sherlock Holmes: Because we are sponsor and sponsee, and nothing more.
Alfredo Llamosa: Right.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, I thought long and hard about that, Alfredo, and after many, many hours I've come to the most wretched of realizations. One that might curdle your very blood. You are my friend.

"The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: The Crooked Man (#1.5)" (1984)
Dr. John Watson: What do you say, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: What can I say? Major Murphy, you have told me *nothing*!

Sherlock Holmes: Whoever heard of a dog running up a curtain?

[last lines]
Dr. John Watson: Holmes, there's just one thing I don't understand. If the Colonel's name was James and Wood was called either Henry or Harry, them who the deuce was David?
Sherlock Holmes: Ah, my dear Watson, that name 'David' should have told me the whole story had I been the ideal reasoner which you are so fond of depicting, but, alas, my powers of deduction failed me. You see, 'David' in this case was evidently used as a term of reproach.
Dr. John Watson: Reproach?
Sherlock Holmes: Don't you remember how King David sent Uriah the Hittite into the forefront of the battle to die so that he might steal his woman Bathsheba? I think you will find the story in the first or second Book of Samuel. My Old Testament is a little rusty.
Dr. John Watson: You're quite right, Holmes. Second Book of Samuel, Chapter 11, verses 14-17. You appear to have looked it up yourself since we returned home from Aldershot.
Sherlock Holmes: How did you know?
Dr. John Watson: You used this bill from our meal at Waterloo as a bookmarker, did you not?
Sherlock Holmes: Excellent, Watson.
Dr. John Watson: Elementary, my dear Holmes.
[leaves the room]
Dr. John Watson: Good night, old fellow.

Sherlock Holmes and the Voice of Terror (1942)
Doctor Watson: Holmes, the girl waiting. What an extraordinary thing.
Sherlock Holmes: Elementary, my dear Watson.
Doctor Watson: No, no, no. It's an amazing deduction. How on earth did you arrive at it?
Sherlock Holmes: Barham told me.

[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: There's an east wind coming, Watson.
Doctor Watson: No, I don't think so. Looks like another warm day.
Sherlock Holmes: Good old Watson. The one fixed point in a changing age. There's an east wind coming all the same, such a wind as never blew on England yet. It will be cold and bitter, Watson. And a good many of us may wither before its blast. But it's God's own wind nonetheless and a greener, better, stronger land that will lie in the sunshine when the storm is cleared.

Doctor Watson: ...But Holmes, that's impossible.
Sherlock Holmes: Anything is possible until proven otherwise.

"The Return of Sherlock Holmes: The Priory School (#1.6)" (1986)
Sherlock Holmes: [Inquiring about the white pudding that Watson is eating in a run-down hostelry they are investigating] How is it, Watson?
Dr. John Watson: It is disgusting, Holmes.

[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: This is a king's ransom.
Duke of Holdernesse: You have given me back my future.

[Sherlock Holmes is examining the grounds outside the priory school, when the Duke of Holdernesse arrives at the school to speak to him]
Dr. Huxtable: Mr. Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: [lost in thought] Yes?
Dr. Huxtable: The Duke is waiting, Mr. Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: [smiles sardonically] That will never do.

"Elementary: End of Watch (#3.8)" (2014)
Kitty Winter: You are very quotable, you know.
Sherlock Holmes: The facility for quotation covers an absence of original thought.
Kitty Winter: You just did it again.

Sherlock Holmes: [to Daren] I don't care about your affair. I care about your sobriety. And I depend on every member in this group, including you, to care about mine.

Sherlock Holmes: It's strange, you know. To be found unique in the setting of a meeting. To stand out. It's the one area of my life I feel part of the crowd.

"Elementary: Bella (#3.4)" (2014)
Dr. Joan Watson: You said you didn't set Andrew up with your friend from Denmark. I want to believe you.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, I encourage you to do just that then.

Sherlock Holmes: [to Watson regarding Andrew] I like him. He's intelligent. He hasn't just jumped into a new business. He has the patience and self-possession to wait for something worthwhile. *And*, most importantly, he understands you. He understands you and me.
Dr. Joan Watson: What do you mean by that?
Sherlock Holmes: I mean, Watson, that whether you care to admit it lately or not, I am an important part of your life. And whether I say it out loud or not, you are an important part of mine. My return to New York was driven in large part by a desire to repair our relationship. And I think, even though we might draw further or nearer from each other, depending on circumstance, you and I are bound. Somehow. Andrew accepts that without feeling needlessly threatened. It's a rather enlightened position. And so, no, I've got no desire to banish the man to Scandi-bloody-navia.
Dr. Joan Watson: Okay, I believe you. Kinda feel like hugging you right now.
Sherlock Holmes: Yet, as my friend, you know that would be a rash decision.

Dr. Joan Watson: [knocks on the window, then loudly to Sherlock] You're not planning to destroy the computer, are you?
Sherlock Holmes: No, I'm not planning to destroy the bloody computer!
Dr. Joan Watson: [to Kitty] Just ride it out. If he starts hitting things, use the fire extinguisher on him.

"The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes: The Boscombe Valley Mystery (#1.4)" (1991)
Sherlock Holmes: Watson, all this fresh air will kill me.

Dr. Watson: Many men have been hanged on far slighter evidence.
Sherlock Holmes: So they have. And many men have been hanged wrongfully.

[last lines]
Dr. Watson: A happy ending to a brilliant case. I congratulate you, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: I thank you. I must admit there were certain aspects to this case which even *I* did not anticipate.

A Study in Scarlet (1933)
Sherlock Holmes: You came to see me professionally.
Inspector Lestrade: Well, er, unofficially.
Sherlock Holmes: I see. Heads you win, tails I lose.

Sherlock Holmes: Come, Watson; the game is afoot.

Mrs. Murphy: Then you've had to take me, Mr. Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: I'll, ahh, take up your case.
Mrs. Murphy: Mind you, it'll have to be for love.
Sherlock Holmes: Love?
Mrs. Murphy: For nix. I've noticed how you like workin' for nothin'.
Sherlock Holmes: My interest is to bring the criminal to justice.
Mrs. Murphy: Well, never mind about justice, never mind about the crime. All I want is my husband's lawful money. And I want you to slap that thievin' lawyers face right across, between his greasy fat chops. Good night, Mr. Holmes. I'll be seeing you and thank you kindly.

The Hound of the Baskervilles (1978)
Sherlock Holmes: Do you think I'm gonna waste my time combing the streets of London for some old boot? This is a job for an imbecile.
Doctor Watson: Quite right, Holmes, let me deal with this.

Mrs. Ada Holmes: Pesticide, my own son guilty of pesticide!
Sherlock Holmes: It's patricide, mother.

Mrs. Ada Holmes: Now then, Shirl.
Sherlock Holmes: Mother, please don't call me Shirl.
Mrs. Ada Holmes: I've always called you Shirl and I always will. Oh, you should have seen him when he was a little girl, Iris.
Sherlock Holmes: I never was a little girl, mother.

"Elementary: The Past Is Parent (#4.1)" (2015)
Sherlock Holmes: Justice is like an orgasm. It can never come too late.

Sherlock Holmes: [to Watson upon entering the brownstone] Has the captain been here, or have you taken to wearing his cologne?

Sherlock Holmes: [having witnessed a suicide] Bloom left quite an impression on me last night. Not to mention some gray matter.

"Elementary: You've Got Me, Who's Got You? (#4.17)" (2016)
Al Baxter: I edit the Midnight Ranger book. I was told you have questions about him.
Dr. Joan Watson: We do have questions. Just not about your Ranger.
Sherlock Holmes: The flesh and blood Midnight Ranger was shot dead last night. Unfortunately, the bullets used were not radioactive, so he'll be remaining quite dead.

The Standard Bearer: You're staring.
Sherlock Holmes: Observation must be one of your super human abilities.

Sherlock Holmes: I've had masked visitors before, but they came either to kill me or have sex with me. On one memorable occasion, both.

"Elementary: The Red Team (#1.13)" (2013)
Dr. Joan Watson: Oh, I didn't know you liked tortoises.
Sherlock Holmes: I love them. They make an absolutely delicious soup stock.

Captain Thomas Gregson: You don't let anyone into your life who isn't constantly concerned with you - what kind of mood you're in, whether you're gettin' high or not, whether you're gonna work like an adult or throw a temper tantrum.
[Lengthy pause]
Captain Thomas Gregson: [whispers] You know what? Most of the time, you're worth it, because you *are* special. Damned if you don't know it, but you are. You wanna work cases? You're right. I can't say no.
[puts on coat]
Captain Thomas Gregson: Don't think for a minute that I'm ever gonna forget that you were plannin' to murder someone on my watch. And don't think that I'm gonna *ever* really trust you again.
Sherlock Holmes: You don't need to trust me to benefit from my intellect do you?
Captain Thomas Gregson: No, I don't. But I do need to get something outta my system
[punches Holmes in the stomach]
Captain Thomas Gregson: Welcome back.

Sherlock Holmes: I am smarter than everyone I meet, Watson. I know it's bad form to say that, but in my case it's a fact.

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: The Crooked Man (#1.5)" (1999)
Dr. John Watson: It looks like an Ionizer blast mark, several of them. And other signs of a struggle.
Sherlock Holmes: With what would seem to be a great beast...
Dr. John Watson: In the heart of New London? Preposterous!
Sherlock Holmes: I admit it seems improbable, but not impossible.

James Barkley: Very good, Mr. Holmes.
[Victor growls at him]
James Barkley: Thanks to you, I can finish cleaning up and leave the country. I've already changed my genetic I.D., my fingerprints and retina's. I can disappear with millions of credits.
Sherlock Holmes: Did you ever love Nancy?
James Barkley: Oh yes, of course. I loved her for everything she had: wealth, power, position.

"Elementary: Flight Risk (#1.6)" (2012)
Dr. Joan Watson: Can I ask you a question?
Sherlock Holmes: Can I stop you?

Dr. Joan Watson: [re: Holmes' police scanners] You've been glued to these for the last few days.
Sherlock Holmes: Slow week, at least in regards to murder and mayhem. Captain Gregson hasn't called once.
Dr. Joan Watson: Maybe some lunatic will throw his mother-in-law in the wood chipper, give you something to do today.
[Holmes holds up two crossed fingers]

"Elementary: The Five Orange Pipz (#3.2)" (2014)
Sherlock Holmes: You're staring.
Detective Marcus Bell: I'm just letting it sink in. You're really back.
Sherlock Holmes: You are as keen an observer as ever, Detective. Soon you will deduce it is daytime and we're standing in a police station.

Gabe Coleman: I don't have to tell you anything except I did it. I killed Openshaw, and I wanted to for a long time. I loved two people in this world and I lost both of them because of him.
Sherlock Holmes: Your son and your wife. Your wife who left you.
Gabe Coleman: Things were never the same after Dylan died. Amy was angry.
Sherlock Holmes: At you? That's what this is about, is it not? She wanted you to do something.
Gabe Coleman: I wanted to. I was angry, too. But, I couldn't do anything. I couldn't even get out of bed to go to work. So, let's say I am being framed. If that were true, I'd take that fall. I wouldn't get Amy back, but at least she would know that I'm the one who got the guy. But, like I said, no one's framing anyone.

"The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes: Shoscombe Old Place (#1.3)" (1991)
[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: So how much did you win on Shoscombe Prince?
Dr. Watson: Twenty guineas.
Sherlock Holmes: Disgraceful.
[Mrs. Hudson enters carrying a tray]
Dr. Watson: Champagne, Mrs. Hudson?
Mrs. Hudson: Of course, in the circumstances.
Dr. Watson: Well, it's very good of you, but I've only won twenty guineas.
Mrs. Hudson: Plus my ten. You're not the only one that likes a plunge on the horses from time to time, Doctor.
Sherlock Holmes: Hah, gee, ahem. Well... Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.

Sherlock Holmes: Watson, do you know anything of racing?
Dr. Watson: I ought to. I pay for it with about half my wound pension.

"Elementary: Ears to You (#2.17)" (2014)
Sherlock Holmes: The captain called and told me that the severed ears Gordon Cushing received were a DNA match for Sarah's.
Dr. Joan Watson: You're kidding.
Sherlock Holmes: That's me, Watson. Joke machine.

Sherlock Holmes: This arrived for you from Detective Bell.
[points at package]
Dr. Joan Watson: You opened it?
Sherlock Holmes: It's just a few files pertaining to the recent muggings. I'm curious-since when do we investigate common street crime?
Dr. Joan Watson: Since when do you open my mail?
Sherlock Holmes: How long have you lived here?

"sHERlock: The Adventure of Charlotte Agnes Milverton (#1.3)" (2016)
Dr. Johanna Watson: Charlotte Agnes Milverton? The CEO of 'Appledore'. The company that makes...
Sherlock Holmes: Vile little things for vile little housewives to put in their vile little kitchens.
[from trailer]

Dr. Johanna Watson: You're not going to help?
Sherlock Holmes: No. It's hopeless. The illicit nature of the act aside, I see no opportunity available that allows me to successfully break into the Milverton Mansion. I mean, Milverton is hosting a reception for the new senator Evan Blackwell III at her home in two days which is a perfect over for conducting a good old fashion robbery; but, this is a bed of my sister's making. She can lie in it.
[from trailer]

"BraveStarr: Sherlock Holmes in the 23rd Century, Part 1 (#1.53)" (1988)
Sherlock Holmes: You are not human.
Dr. Wt'sn: No, Rigellian, that's me. And proud of it. Why?
Sherlock Holmes: Rigellian... from the Constellation Rigel?
Dr. Wt'sn: That's right.
Sherlock Holmes: Hmm. A large planet, with high gravity. A hot, intensely bright sun, a thick soupy atmosphere and a strong, handsome native population.
Dr. Wt'sn: Ah, you've been there, then.
Dr. Wt'sn: I never heard of it before. I simply deduced it from your weight, your skin, your breathing and your obvious pride.

Sherlock Holmes: This century is certainly confusing. This confounded scanner pipe, for instance. I simply cannot get it to function. Why can't I have my old one?
Dr. Wt'sn: Eh, tabacco's been outlawed, old boy. It was dangerous.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, I was aware of that. I see this century is more sense than mine. But I still can't figure out this confounded gadget.

"Elementary: All My Exes Live in Essex (#4.4)" (2015)
Sherlock Holmes: At the very least, this has proven the wisdom of continuously training in the combat arts. You do, of course, need to work on your defense. You allowed Cortes to land far too many punches.
Dr. Joan Watson: I did. But all that matters is that I landed the last one.

Sherlock Holmes: There's also a song that appeals to me as a detective. It's a mystery about dogs and who may have let them out.

"Elementary: The Rat Race (#1.4)" (2012)
Dr. Joan Watson: You speak Mandarin?
Sherlock Holmes: Not as well as I'd like. You?
Dr. Joan Watson: Not as well as my mother would like.

Sherlock Holmes: It has its costs.
Dr. Joan Watson: What does?
Sherlock Holmes: Learning to see the puzzle in everything. They're everywhere. Once you start looking, it's impossible to stop. It just so happens that people, with all the deceits and illusions that inform everything they do, tend to be the most fascinating puzzles of all. Of course, they don't always appreciate being seen as such.
Dr. Joan Watson: Seems like a lonely way to live.
Sherlock Holmes: As I said. Has its costs.

"sHERlock: The Adventure of Mo Money Mo Problems (#1.1)" (2016)
Sherlock Holmes: But what is this, Watson? Some form of florid fan fiction about me? I am not some, some sort of avatar or blank canvas you can paint as some ridiculous knightess in amour made out of the tears of pressed men, like some, some, some...
Mr. Hudson: Mary Sue. The term is Mary Sue.
[from the trailer]

Dr. Johanna Watson: Beside, what about the other cases? I'm serious. Lestrade's going to get this promotion because of you. You are doing all the work. And he treats you, and me, and Gregson like shit.
Sherlock Holmes: You think your little stories are going to fix that? They'd provoke him, more than anything.
Dr. Johanna Watson: I don't care if they provoke him. I'm telling the truth.
[from the trailer]

"Elementary: Fidelity (#5.16)" (2017)
Sherlock Holmes: Two years. Two years - not a single word from you. I mean, you couldn't be troubled to send a simple email to let me know you're okay. I don't care if you're a detective or not. All I wanted, all I *ever* wanted was for you to be *happy*. Against all the odds, it happened. You didn't tell me.
Kitty Winter: Two years ago I was on the run. I had just tortured and disfigured a man. If the authorities were looking for me, I didn't want you to have to lie about where I was.
Sherlock Holmes: Do you think it would've been hard for me to lie to protect a friend? I've been asking myself what I could've done differently. If I could've done anything better. Friendship has never come that easily to me. I thought what we had was - was meaningful.
Kitty Winter: It was. It *is*!
Sherlock Holmes: I mean, you made - a person, Kitty. And you didn't tell me.

Kitty Winter: You were right. When I went back to London- which was really hard. I knew I'd come a long way in New York. And then, all of sudden my entire support system was gone. So I did what I thought you would do. I threw myself into the work. I took every case that came my way. I practically haunted Scotland Yard looking for ways I could help people. And then strangest thing happened, I realized that I didn't need it. There were other ways I could help people. All that weight, I used to heft about the place, all that darkness was gone. I felt like myself again. The truth is, Sherlock, that I'd been thinking about giving up detective work a long time before Archie came along. I just didn't know how to tell you. I felt fixed, but I knew that, well that you didn't. Before I knew it, months had passed, and then years. Who know if Anson Gephardt hadn't started killing people, perhaps we would've *never* seen each other again. You deserved much better than that.
Sherlock Holmes: I told you before you left you'd always be my friend.
Kitty Winter: See, that's the thing, isn't it? We were never friends. We never were. - We're family

The Adventure of Sherlock Holmes' Smarter Brother (1975)
Sherlock Holmes: While Sherlock is gone, he will pass on one or two of his less urgent assignments to his brother, Sigerson.
[clock goes off]
Dr. Watson: Holmes! You never told me you had a brother, Sigerson.
Sherlock Holmes: I never told you I had a brother Mycroft... until the occasion arose.
Dr. Watson: Well, who is the fellow?
Sherlock Holmes: Sigerson is my younger brother. And he has spent the past thirty years getting hopelessly twisted in my shadow.
Dr. Watson: Extremely jealous, is he?
Sherlock Holmes: Mm, something of the sort.
Dr. Watson: Love and hate, eh?
Sherlock Holmes: I should say hate... and dislike.

Dr. Watson: Holmes, how will you ever repay him?
Sherlock Holmes: By playing the violin, Watson. By playing the violin.

"Elementary: Art in the Blood (#2.23)" (2014)
Sherlock Holmes: You're telling me you're British intelligence, and you've managed to keep that from me for over a decade?
Mycroft Holmes: [dry sarcasm] Because we're so close.

Sherlock Holmes: The world is full of obvious things; which, nobody by any chance ever observes.

Sherlock Holmes (1916)
Sherlock Holmes: This, my friend, is the layout of the house where two swindlers are holding a young woman against her will.

Sherlock Holmes: I have a weakness for dawdling, the better to observe.

"Elementary: Lesser Evils (#1.5)" (2012)
Dr. Joan Watson: Any luck?
Sherlock Holmes: Luck is an offensive, abhorrent concept. The idea that there is a force in the universe tilting events in your favor or against it is ridiculous. *Idiots* rely on luck.
Dr. Joan Watson: So that'd be a no.

Sherlock Holmes: Your lack of accent is impressive, Mr. Gura.
Danilo Gura: Thank you. I learned English as a boy.
Sherlock Holmes: I didn't even realize your nationality until I remembered from the other day, you'd arranged the rags on your cart into the colors of the Ukrainian flag. On your employment application under education, you listed Olesky University. Congratulations - arguably the best medical school in all of Ukraine.
Danilo Gura: [smiles] Not arguably.

"sHERlock: The Adventure of the Devil's Dance (#1.2)" (2016)
Father Roundhay: We both know men are born with free will and unbreakable spirit.
Sherlock Holmes: To murder.
[from trailer]

Sherlock Holmes: Watson, I'm about to do something very irresponsible and stupid. Care to join me?
[Watson attempts to look dubious]
Sherlock Holmes: This or wallow in no Scully Night.
Dr. Johanna Watson: I'm in.
[from trailer]

"Elementary: Dead Clade Walking (#2.14)" (2014)
Sherlock Holmes: I withdraw my earlier skepticism. The dinosaur in Doug Newberg's backyard totally escaped my notice.

Sherlock Holmes: I was expecting to find my... housemate.
Gay: No problem. I'm Gay.
Sherlock Holmes: ...I'm not.
Gay: It's my name.
Sherlock Holmes: ...Yes, of course. I'm Sherlock.
Gay: Hello.
Gay: I also am. Gay. So, you know, it saves time.
Sherlock Holmes: How efficient.

"Elementary: Dirty Laundry (#1.11)" (2013)
Dr. Joan Watson: [Holmes is watching surveillance videos simultaneously on a half dozen monitors. Watson walks into the room behind him] Do I even want to know what happened?
Sherlock Holmes: You haven't missed a thing, more yak than shack so far. Curiously, many of the videos are entirely prostitute free.
Dr. Joan Watson: I meant the garbage.
[She points to the pile on the floor behind him]
Sherlock Holmes: Borrowed our neighbor's bin to test your theory about physical mess and its correlation to relapse. I've been sitting here for hours and I haven't felt any additional temptation to use drugs. We'll see how I an in the morning.
[Annoyed, she turns around and leaves]

Dr. Joan Watson: [on the state of the kitchen] This is a problem.
Sherlock Holmes: This is a sign of an active mind. Lincoln, Einstein, Freud - all geniuses who drew inspiration from chaos in their environs. Without Andrew Fleming's reluctance to wash petrie dishes, the world wouldn't have penicillin, would it?
Dr. Joan Watson: [holding up a rancid food container] Well, since the world does, do you have to grow it in your fridge?

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: The Secret Safe (#2.1)" (2001)
Sherlock Holmes: [to Watson] Now I suggest you help Lestrade escort our imobilized captor straight to New Scotland Yard's strongest jail.

Inspector Beth Lestrade: I set a Yard record tracking down that perp. How did you get here first?
Sherlock Holmes: Eyes and brains, Lestrade.

"Elementary: The Adventure of the Nutmeg Concoction (#3.7)" (2014)
Sherlock Holmes: I expect nothing, which is why I'm such an exceptional detective.

Dr. Joan Watson: Why did you do that? He was just about to give us the file.
Sherlock Holmes: Eh, you overestimate your charms. Blake Tanner is both arrogant and a fool. He's never gonna share his work with us. I decided within moments of meeting him to pursue the profile by alternative means. He is clearly a bully and a petty tyrant. And I suspect he's also a credit-hog.
[cell phone chimes]
Sherlock Holmes: I noted the way his colleagues were looking at him as he escorted us to his back office. There was no shortage of contempt, so I wrote short notes to a few of them. And I'm quite confident that one of them will relish the chance to share the profile behind his back.
[cell phone chimes]
Sherlock Holmes: See? Got a copy already.
Dr. Joan Watson: What?
Sherlock Holmes: Two, actually.
[cell phone chimes again]
Sherlock Holmes: Make that three.
[starts scrolling through the profile]
Dr. Joan Watson: Wait, is that the profile? You're scrolling too fast.
Sherlock Holmes: I'm speed-reading; you moved out before we got to that portion of your training.
[finishes scrolling]
Sherlock Holmes: Wonderful. This should give us a good start.
Kitty Winter: Is there something helpful in there?
Sherlock Holmes: The report is full of sophistry and various instances of tautological thinking and is generally plagued by the kind of laziness and intellectual vanity which is native to the profiler profession.
Kitty Winter: So, why do you say it's a good start?
Sherlock Holmes: 'Cause even a cursory glance at this document has convinced me that there's no such person as "Pumpkin". He's a construct of Blake Tanner's mind. A product of a profession which is trained to look for bogeymen in every dark corner. No, it's clear to me that each of the abductees attributed to Pumpkin was in fact taken by different people. The crimes aren't connected.
Dr. Joan Watson: What about the olfactory signature?
Sherlock Holmes: I can't explain the nutmeg. Not yet, but I do know that Blake Tanner has seized on one detail to form a link and then woven a web of tortured psychology in an effort to connect seven crimes which are, in fact, quite separate.
[takes a breath and then continues]
Sherlock Holmes: We're gonna discover what really happened to Jessica Holder. And then, just for sport, we're going to explain the nutmeg connection. And then we're gonna prove to anyone who cares to listen that Blake Tanner has been a fool these past five years.

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: The Fall and Rise of Sherlock Holmes (#1.1)" (1999)
Sherlock Holmes: Eyes and brain, Moriarty, Eyes and brain.

Sherlock Holmes: It is my business to know what other people don't.

"Elementary: Up to Heaven and Down to Hell (#4.15)" (2016)
Sherlock Holmes: [Referring to a drawing of a building with curves and twists] Your design, is it?
Malcolm Busquet: It is.
Sherlock Holmes: Straight lines hurt you as a child?

Dr. Joan Watson: [Frustrated with having to go through so much paperwork on her own] Did you know that in a building without fire sprinklers, the maximum travel distance to stairwells needs to be 150 feet. But, in a building with sprinklers, it can be 200.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, it seems rude to make evacuees run an additional 50 feet whilst also getting wet, but I assume that's not your point.

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle (#1.13)" (1999)
Dr. John Watson: Come now, Holmes, where's your Christmas spirit?
Sherlock Holmes: Ask me when I'm no longer being tormented by singing robots.

Sherlock Holmes: So now the presents want presents. That's progress.
[all laugh]

The Hound of the Baskervilles (2002) (TV)
Sherlock Holmes: It is exceedingly cold out here, Watson. Wonder whether I might come in without you shooting me?

Dr. John Watson: [throws his coat to pull Holmes out of a quicksand on the moor] Now to put my tailor to the test.
[pulls Holmes out]
Sherlock Holmes: Three cheers for Savile Row!

"Elementary: A Burden of Blood (#4.8)" (2016)
Sherlock Holmes: In my experience, a grown man who keeps a photograph of his mother on his desk at work is capable of anything.

Sherlock Holmes: Cuckolds and murdered wives have a habit of going together.

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: The Hounds of the Baskervilles (#1.3)" (1999)
Sherlock Holmes: There are obviously two hounds. This one, and the holographic one.
Dr. John Watson: But what about the old Lunar legends? Why, even the workers who built the mining complex claimed to have seen a phantom hound...
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, drivel and poppycock, Whatson! A trick of light, an overeager imagination, a publicity stunt!

Inspector Beth Lestrade: Moriarty! But... we saw his body. How can he...
Sherlock Holmes: When you eliminate the impossible, what remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth. It's not the man himself, Lestrade, but a clone. As evil as the original, I'm afraid. Complete with his memories intact. Isn't technology wonderful?

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: The Crime Machine (#1.2)" (1999)
Sherlock Holmes: Does it hurt?
Dr. John Watson: I'm made of metal, remember?

Inspector Beth Lestrade: You'll be working under me.
Sherlock Holmes: You? Balderdash! What sort of a world has this become?
Inspector Beth Lestrade: A better one. For women.

Sherlock Holmes and the Masks of Death (1984) (TV)
Dr. John H. Watson: No sane man wants war.
Sherlock Holmes: That is the trouble, Watson. There are otherwise sane men who do want war.

Sherlock Holmes: You are my only friend, Watson. You have such a grand gift of silence.

"Elementary: Tremors (#2.10)" (2013)
Cassandra Walker: How did you learn about Mr. Dylan's criminal record?
Sherlock Holmes: When I learned that James Dylan had sold Rada Hollingsworth her viatical, I did some cursory research into his background, research his employers had apparently neglected to do. That's the beauty of the Internet. Twenty-four-seven access to everything from twerking kittens to criminal records.

[in flashback]
Captain Thomas Gregson: [on Sherlock] Give the man a minute, will you? He's a brave and brilliant instrument of justice. All we gotta do is stay out of his way, and he'll lead us right to the truth.
[in the present]
Judge Brewster O'Hare: I've known Tommy Gregson a long time. I'm guessing he didn't actually say that.
Sherlock Holmes: He may have used different words to make the same point.

"Elementary: The Grand Experiment (#2.24)" (2014)
Sherlock Holmes: In my experience, the best frame-ups tend to terminate with the murder of the framee.
[Sherlock picks up Mycroft's car keys]
Mycroft Holmes: What are you doing?
Sherlock Holmes: Proving a point. Your car. I looked it over on the way up here. It's an impressive vehicle. I particularly like the remote starter function.
[Sherlock presses a button on the remote, and the car promptly explodes]

Dr. Joan Watson: Where are you going?
Sherlock Holmes: The agency's favorite local. I've got a meeting with them in twenty minutes. Feel free to resume your rutting.

"Elementary: The One That Got Away (#3.12)" (2015)
Sherlock Holmes: Do you know why most investigators fail?
Kitty Winter: Lack of elastics?
Sherlock Holmes: They refuse to extend their base of knowledge beyond the bounds of basic investigative procedures.

Kitty Winter: How did you get this address?
Sherlock Holmes: DCI Hopkins. He oversees the inspector you've been harassing, Davis.
Kitty Winter: I haven't been harassing anyone.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes you have, but with good reason. Davis is a good man, but a limited thinker, and he requires harassment.

"Elementary: Rip Off (#3.5)" (2014)
Sherlock Holmes: Sherlock Holmes: Paranoia is the byproduct of being consistently right.

Sherlock Holmes: God only knows if she retained copies. But rest assured, I shall demand all of them when she returns from her Danish sabbatical slash sex-capade.

"Elementary: T-Bone and the Iceman (#3.17)" (2015)
M.E. Hawes: You're not gonna believe what did this to her.
Dr. Joan Watson, Sherlock Holmes: Refrigerant.
M.E. Hawes: Lab gave you the Mass Spec results?
Dr. Joan Watson: No, but I've seen it before. Air conditioner repair came into the ER. He was draining a condenser and spilled some fluid on his arm.
Sherlock Holmes: I just knew.

Sherlock Holmes: [He and Watson have found several frozen bodies inside a warehouse] I'm not easily surprised. But, I do confess to not expecting this.

"Elementary: The Invisible Hand (#4.23)" (2016)
Dr. Joan Watson: Say you're right...
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, let's, since I am.

Detective Marcus Bell: [Referring to a suspect they'd just questioned] The guy's obviously not a suicide risk, so you wanna tell us why you wanted his belt and laces?
Sherlock Holmes: The shoelaces will make it harder for him to walk because, why not?

"Elementary: Blood Is Thicker (#2.8)" (2013)
Dr. Joan Watson: This is one of those "so many questions" moments. Why only three times a year?
Sherlock Holmes: Well, I'm not sure. Having never milked a moose, I imagine one must catch it in the right mood.

Sherlock Holmes: I was very pleased to return to London a few months ago, not just because it is unquestionably the greatest and most cultured city on the planet, but because it made me appreciate what I have here. I've got a support system. You, Captain Gregson... even Detective Bell.I feel as if I've thrived here, not because of who I am but because of whom I've come to know. I don't wish to give that up until I am ready.

"Elementary: Pilot (#1.1)" (2012)
Dr. Joan Watson: [about an observation Holmes made about her father] How did you know he had an affair?
Sherlock Holmes: Google. Not everything is deducible.

Dr. Joan Watson: How do you do it?
Sherlock Holmes: Do what?
Dr. Joan Watson: Guess things.
Sherlock Holmes: I don't guess; I observe. And once I've observed, I deduce.

"Elementary: The Eternity Injection (#3.9)" (2015)
Sherlock Holmes: If you must know, Watson, I've been feeling a little bit down of late. It's the process of maintaining my sobriety. It's repetitive. And it's relentless. And above all, it's tedious. When I left rehab, I... I accepted your influence, I committed to my recovery. And now, two years in, I find myself asking, 'is this it?' My sobriety is simply a grind. It's just this leaky faucet that requires constant maintenance, and in return offers only not to drip.
Dr. Joan Watson: You have your work, you have me. You're alive.
Sherlock Holmes: I've told myself that many times. So many times, it has become unmoored from all meaning. Odd. I used to imagine that a relapse would be the climax to some grand drama. Now I think that if I were to use drugs again, it would in fact be an anticlimax. It would be a surrender to the incessant drip, drip, drip of existence.
Dr. Joan Watson: I'm sorry you're feeling this way. What can I do to help? Do you want to talk more, do you want to maybe speak to Alfredo?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, I think perhaps I will see Alfredo. But in any case, I shan't be using drugs this evening.

The Triumph of Sherlock Holmes (1935)
Lestrade: On the way I'll tell you all I know.
Holmes: We're not going very far then, are we?

"Elementary: Alma Matters (#4.10)" (2016)
Dr. Joan Watson: Some of this isn't blood. It's lipstick. Were you in a fight or were you having sex?
Sherlock Holmes: The two aren't mutually exclusive.

"BraveStarr: Sherlock Holmes in the 23rd Century, Part 2 (#1.54)" (1988)
Sherlock Holmes: Hm. What is this place?
Booster: It's the old New London to Paris Turbo-Train. They must've taken it.

"Elementary: All in the Family (#2.13)" (2014)
Sherlock Holmes: Most prostheses do not have a hidden compartment, do they, Mr. Riley?
Detective Nash: Okay, you've made your point. Time to give me a minute alone with our friend.
Sherlock Holmes: I beg your pardon, detective, this is our case, we only included you...
Detective Nash: [Interrupts Sherlock] Let's not fight in front of the perp, okay? I said I can take it from here. Come one.

"Sherlock Holmes: A Study in Scarlet (#2.3)" (1968)
Sherlock Holmes: [With annoyance] Watson, I find it hard to eat mt breakfast, read my Times, and listen to outbursts.

"sHERlock: The Adventure of the Dreamlover (#1.4)" (2016)
Miss Mary Sutherland: I can't believe I'm actually meeting you. I've read everyone of your fan fiction stories at least a dozen times.
Dr. Johanna Watson: A dozen?
Miss Mary Sutherland: They're the best. You're the best. Tuesdays are the best.
[to Holmes]
Miss Mary Sutherland: She posts new chapters on Tuesdays. She writes the best case fiction on the message boards. My favorite is the one where Mulder and Scully investigate a wife, whose husband thinks she's a vampire. He thinks she's been sucking the blood out of their newborn. Only, it turns out...
Sherlock Holmes: The step son's been poisoning the child.
Miss Mary Sutherland: Oh! You read it?
Sherlock Holmes: I lived it.
[from trailer]

Sherlock Holmes Returns (1993) (TV)
Sherlock Holmes: Elementary, my dear... Winslow.

The Hound of the Baskervilles (1931)
Sherlock Holmes: Surely you didn't travel from Dartmoor to read that to me?
Dr Mortimer: I hoped you'd advise me; you're regarded as the second highest problem expert in Europe.
Sherlock Holmes: The second highest--but who's the first?
Dr Mortimer: Well I've read of a Frenchman who--who--
Sherlock Holmes: Then why not consult him.

"Elementary: The Hound of the Cancer Cells (#2.18)" (2014)
Sherlock Holmes: [to Watson in a research lab] I need something powdery that won't kill us. Surprise me.

"Sherlock Holmes: The Case of the Laughing Mummy (#1.17)" (1955)
Dr. John H. Watson: That was a close call, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: It certainly was. If you hadn't lingered to pass the time of day with that barmaid, we'd have had ample time.
Dr. John H. Watson: How did you know that I...
Sherlock Holmes: Your elbow - it's wet.
Dr. John H. Watson: Well?
Sherlock Holmes: You've obviously been leaning on a bar somewhere and if I know you, it wasn't a bar *man*. Was she pretty?

"Elementary: A Difference in Kind (#4.24)" (2016)
Sherlock Holmes: So do you supposed your sister will help us sell this place?
Dr. Joan Watson: That's a good question. We can ask her over dinner... We should ask Marcus to join too.
Sherlock Holmes: What does he know about real estate?
Dr. Joan Watson: Probably nothing. But he's single and so is Lin.
Sherlock Holmes: And to think my father thought *I* was the greatest threat to our circle of friends.
Dr. Joan Watson: What's the worst that could happen?

"Sherlock Holmes: The Case of the Pennsylvania Gun (#1.3)" (1954)
Sherlock Holmes: We are a nation of railway pioneers, my boy. Like a great many Englishmen before him, Dr. Watson restricts his reading to the Bible, the Times and Bradshaw's Railway Guide to the British Isles.

"The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes: The Cardboard Box (#1.6)" (1994)
[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: What is the meaning of it, Watson? What is the object of this circle of misery and violence and fear? It must have a purpose. Or our universe has no meaning and that is unthinkable. But what purpose?
Sherlock Holmes: That...
Sherlock Holmes: is humanity's great problem to which reason, so far, has no answer.

The Man with the Twisted Lip (1921)
Sherlock Holmes: [Intertitle] Now, my dear Watson, I will explain my presence in an opium den.

"Sherlock Holmes: The Case of the Shy Ballerina (#1.6)" (1954)
Dr. John H. Watson: Do you know who murdered Chelton, then?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, of course I do. Don't you?

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: The Adventure of the Creeping Man (#2.6)" (2001)
Sherlock Holmes: Well, if my nose is any indicator, I'd say these monkeys are extremely agitated.

Tom and Jerry Meet Sherlock Holmes (2010) (V)
Dr. Watson: We'll never catch him now.
Sherlock Holmes: 'Never' is not in my vocabulary.

"Elementary: A Giant Gun, Filled with Drugs (#1.15)" (2013)
Sherlock Holmes: You seem even more dour than usual, Watson. I would posit it was a menstruation issue but I worked out your cycle. You're good for ten more days.
Dr. Joan Watson: [sarcastically] Couching it as a scientific observation totally negates the misogyny.

"Elementary: Corpse De Ballet (#2.15)" (2014)
Dr. Joan Watson: You went a little fanboy back there.
Sherlock Holmes: Fanboy?
Dr. Joan Watson: I've never seen you treat a murder suspect so politely before.

"Sherlock Holmes: The Blue Carbuncle (#2.16)" (1968)
Sherlock Holmes: I am compounding a felony now, but I'm saving a soul.

"Elementary: No Lack of Void (#2.20)" (2014)
Sherlock Holmes: Seems unlikely he would have knowingly swallowed a biological terror agent. Especially since his priors suggest he had a drug problem, not an anthrax problem.

"Sherlock Holmes: The Boscombe Valley Mystery (#2.6)" (1968)
Sherlock Holmes: [to Watson] After all, the art of detection is simply seeing beyond appearances to the hidden truth.

"Elementary: Seed Money (#3.10)" (2015)
Dr. Joan Watson: [looking at photos of the victim] It looks like Point Break and Magic Mike had a kid.
[seeing Sherlock's expression]
Dr. Joan Watson: They're...
Sherlock Holmes: Trifles of the cinema, I presume.

"Sherlock Holmes: The Hound of the Baskervilles: Part One (#2.4)" (1968)
Sherlock Holmes: [Referring to Watson] I can say with confidence that there is only one man I want by my side in a tight corner.

"Sherlock: Many Happy Returns (#3.0)" (2013)
Mycroft Holmes: Don't be smart.
Sherlock Holmes: That takes me back. 'Don't be smart, Sherlock. I'm the smart one.'
Mycroft Holmes: I am the smart one.
Sherlock Holmes: I used to think I was an idiot.
Mycroft Holmes: Both of us thought you were an idiot, Sherlock. We had nothing else to go on till we met other children.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh yes, that was a mistake.
Mycroft Holmes: Ghastly. What were they thinking of.
Sherlock Holmes: Probably something about trying to make friends.
Mycroft Holmes: Oh yes. Friends! Of course you go in for that sort of thing now.
Sherlock Holmes: And you don't? Ever?
Mycroft Holmes: If you seem slow to me, Sherlock, can you imagine what real people are like? I'm living in a world of goldfish.

"Elementary: Hounded (#4.16)" (2016)
Henry Baskerville: [Referring to his brother's death] So, you'll look into it?
Sherlock Holmes: We'll examine the scene of Charles' death. But, not because of your connection to my father. If anything, we're going to have to look past that.
Henry Baskerville: I'll pay you whatever you need.
Sherlock Holmes: My thoughts exactly. We'll be in touch.

"Sherlock: Unaired Pilot (#1.0)" (2010)
Sherlock Holmes: You may as well eat. We might be waiting a long time.
Dr. John Watson: Hmm, are you going to?
Sherlock Holmes: What day is it?
Dr. John Watson: It's Wednesday.
Sherlock Holmes: I'm okay for a bit.

"The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes: The Red Circle (#1.4)" (1994)
Inspector Hawkins: I don't think Mr and Mrs Lucca have too much to fear, but we have to go through the procedures. Take them downstairs. No doubt if you'd been here on your own, Mr Holmes, you'd have found a different solution.
Sherlock Holmes: The law is what we live with, Inspector. Justice is sometimes harder to achieve.

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: The Musgrave Ritual (#1.12)" (1999)
Inspector Beth Lestrade: You kids, stay here!
Wiggins: But...
Inspector Beth Lestrade: No. This is one field trip you're sitting out.
Sherlock Holmes: She's right. This isn't academic any more, this is real danger.

"Elementary: A Controlled Descent (#3.24)" (2015)
Alfredo Llamosa: Everything is evidence to you.
Sherlock Holmes: What is existence but the absorption of and reaction to the data that the universe presents. You can either grasp these truths or you can misinterpret them to your constant and considerable agitation.

"Elementary: The Long Fuse (#1.8)" (2012)
[watching the police interview a bombing suspect]
Dr. Joan Watson: You don't look convinced.
Sherlock Holmes: Bomb building is a dangerous venture. It requires patience, precision, attention to detail. Mr. Jacobs's wristwatch is nine minutes slow, and his fly is three-quarters unzipped. That doesn't scream "detail-oriented."
Dr. Joan Watson: Ted Kaczynski looked like a hobo puked another hobo. He managed to hurt plenty of people.
Sherlock Holmes: And point taken.

The Hound of the Baskervilles (1983) (TV)
Sherlock Holmes: But without the imagination Watson, there would be no horror.

The Return of Sherlock Holmes (1929)
[last lines]
Dr. Watson: Amazing, Holmes!
Sherlock Holmes: Elementary, my dear Watson, elementary.

"The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes: The Three Gables (#1.1)" (1994)
[last lines]
Dr Watson: You let her off the hook, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: Compounding a felony, you mean.
Dr Watson: Murder.
Sherlock Holmes: It would have been impossible to prove. Mrs Klein has learnt that she can't play with edged tools for ever without cutting those... ageing hands of hers. Time is not on her side. Shall we?

The Speckled Band (1931)
Sherlock Holmes: From your clothes I would deduce - you're going to a wedding.
Dr. John Watson: [laughs heartily] At last I've got you. For once in your life you're wromg.
Sherlock Holmes: Wrong?
Dr. John Watson: I'm not going to a wedding! I'm coming from one!
Dr. John Watson: [Watson again enjoys a hearty laugh]
Sherlock Holmes: [sardonically] Give them my congratulations or perhaps condolences.
Dr. John Watson: Rubbish! We all come to it, my dear fellow.
Dr. John Watson: [he laughs again] We all come to it. Goodbye.
Sherlock Holmes: [alone, ironically and sadly, after Watson has left] Not all, my dear Watson... not all.

"Sherlock Holmes: The Case of the Singing Violin (#1.15)" (1955)
Sherlock Holmes: Get your hat, Watson.
Dr. John H. Watson: Well... where are we going, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: To interview the murderer of Jimmy Winant, of course.
Inspector Lestrade: You mean to say you know who killed him?
Sherlock Holmes: Of course I do. Don't you?

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century: The Adventure of the Empty House (#1.4)" (1999)
Sherlock Holmes: Sorry, Moran, the Cold War is over.

Murder at the Baskervilles (1937)
Sherlock Holmes: [to Inspector Lestrade] We're old friends. I should hate to see you make such an ass of yourself as wrongfully to arrest the future son-in-law of Sir Henry Baskerville.

"Elementary: A View with a Room (#4.12)" (2016)
Fiona Helbron: I've had boyfriends before.
Sherlock Holmes: I myself have not. Perhaps I just haven't met the right guy.

"Elementary: Evidence of Things Not Seen (#4.2)" (2015)
Dr. Joan Watson: [entering the brownstone] I thought we got benched. What is all this?
Sherlock Holmes: Well, that depends.
Dr. Joan Watson: On?
Sherlock Holmes: On how you feel about being made an accessory after the fact.

"The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes: The Mazarin Stone (#1.5)" (1994)
[first lines]
Sherlock Holmes: Watson. What is the medical term for obsession? I feel, you see... that I must lay to rest a ghost, which has haunted me for some time. I shall be away for several weeks in the highlands. Meanwhile, your patients might be encouraged by seeing you more often at your consulting room.
Doctor Watson: What about Baker Street?
Sherlock Holmes: Poste restante, Diogenes Club and the irregulars. You know my methods. Oh, I shall be watching you... with my third eye.