Chuck Bass
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Quotes for
Chuck Bass (Character)
from "Gossip Girl" (2007)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Gossip Girl: Pilot (#1.1)" (2007)
Chuck Bass: I love it when you talk dirty.
Serena van der Woodsen: You just love it when a girl talks to you.

Chuck Bass: Serena looked effin' hot last night. There's something wrong with that level of perfection. It needs to be violated.
Nate Archibald: You are deeply disturbed.

Chuck Bass: Hi. I'm Chuck
Jenny Humphrey: I know, uhm, I mean, hi I'm Jenny.

Chuck Bass: Do you following us or something?
Dan Humphrey: No, I, I, go to your school. Identical uniforms? That kind of a tip off?
Nate Archibald: That's funny.
Dan Humphrey: So... you guys wanna sit together at lunch?

Isabel Coates: Someone saw Serena getting off the train at Grand Central!
Chuck Bass: Good. Things are getting a little DULL around here.

Chuck Bass: You guys have been dating since kindergarten and you haven't sealed the deal.
Nate Archibald: Who says 'seal the deal?'

Chuck Bass: So smoke up and seal the deal with Blair. Because you're also entitled the tap that ass.

Serena van der Woodsen: Oh my god, this is so good! Thank you!
Chuck Bass: You know, if you really want to thank me, I've got a few ideas...
Serena van der Woodsen: It's just a sandwich, Chuck.

Chuck Bass: Who is that?
Blair Waldorf: Probably some bitch from Chapin.
Chuck Bass: A hot bitch from Chapin.

Chuck Bass: I'm going to have to tell my parents the hotel they just bought is serving minors.
Serena van der Woodsen: And if you get a drink, they're also serving pigs.
Chuck Bass: I love it when you talk dirty.

Chuck Bass: Who's the newbie?
Kati Farkas: Jenny Humphrey. She's a freshman.
Chuck Bass: I love freshmen. They're so...
Isabel Coates: Fresh?

Isabel Coates: Oh, my God- you'll never believe what's on Gossip Girl! Someone saw Serena getting off the train at Grand Central!
Chuck Bass: Good. Things were starting to get a little dull around here.

Chuck Bass: Serena looked effing hot last night. There's something wrong with that level of perfection. It needs to be violated.
Nate Archibald: You are deeply disturbed.

Blair Waldorf: She better not show her face again.
Chuck Bass: I'm actually hoping she will.

Isabel Coates: Gossip Girl just saw Serena getting off the train at Grand Central!
Chuck Bass: Good. Things were getting a little dull around here.

Chuck Bass: What we're entitled to is a house in the Hamptons. Maybe a perscription drug problem. But happiness does not seem to be on the menu so smoke up and seal the deal with Blair because you're also entitled to tap that ass.

Chuck Bass: Ooh, I love it when you talk dirty.
Serena van der Woodsen: You just love it when a girl talks to you.
Chuck Bass: Actually I prefer them when they're not talking.
Serena van der Woodsen: Chuck, I've missed your witty banter.

Chuck Bass: I love this town. I'm going to have to tell my parents the hotel they just bought is serving minors.
Serena van der Woodsen: And if you get a drink, they're also serving pigs.
Chuck Bass: Ooh, I love it when you talk dirty.
Serena van der Woodsen: You just love when a girl talks to you.
Chuck Bass: Actually, I prefer them when they're not talking.
Serena van der Woodsen: [sarcastically] Mm. I've missed your witty banter.
Chuck Bass: Let's catch up. Take our clothes off, stare at each other.
Serena van der Woodsen: How about I just get a bite to eat? I'm drinking on an empty stomach.
Chuck Bass: I heard you didn't do that anymore.
Serena van der Woodsen: Special occasion.
Chuck Bass: Well, how about a grilled cheese with truffle oil? You love truffles.
Serena van der Woodsen: Enough to know it's not on the menu.
Chuck Bass: I'm connected.
Serena van der Woodsen: Only 'cause I'm hungry.

Chuck Bass: [to a very sad Nate] It's like you're headed to your execution. Talk to Chuck, buddy.

Chuck Bass: Do you ever feel like our whole lives have been planned out for us? That we're just gonna end up like our parents?
Nate Archibald: Man, that's a dark thought.

Chuck Bass: Nathaniel, you're finally about to have sex with your girlfriend. It's like you're headed to your execution. Talk to Chuck, buddy.

Nate Archibald: Do you ever feel like our whole lives have been planned out for us? That we're just gonna end up like our parents?
Chuck Bass: Man, that's a dark thought.
Nate Archibald: And aren't we entitled to choose just to... be happy?
Chuck Bass: [mockingly] Look, easy Socrates. What we're entitled to is a trust fund, maybe a house in the Hamptons, a prescription drug problem... but happiness does not seem to be on the menu.So smoke up and seal the deal with Blair, 'cause you're also entitled to tap that ass.


"Gossip Girl: Much 'I Do' About Nothing (#1.18)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: [after waking up in bed together] You were on the floor!
Chuck Bass: I hurt my back.
Blair Waldorf: How? It's not like you ever do anything athletic.
Chuck Bass: [suggestively] Well, that's not exactly true, now is it?
Blair Waldorf: Fine, nothing that involves removing your scarf.
Chuck Bass: That was one time; it was chilly.

[Blair waskes up and slapps Chuck's arm]
Chuck Bass: Ow!
Blair Waldorf: Who, what, where, when, why?
Chuck Bass: We were up late plotting against Georgina, we must have dozed off.
Blair Waldorf: And you were on the floor.
Chuck Bass: I didn't want to hurt my back.
Blair Waldorf: Why? It's not like you do anything athletic.
Chuck Bass: Well that's not entirely true now is it?
Blair Waldorf: Fine, nothing that requires you moving your scarf.
Chuck Bass: It was one time, it was chilly.
Blair Waldorf: Enough about the past, before you landed in my bed we actually landed on a good idea.
Chuck Bass: Well I trust you can take it from here, I have a best man's speech to write and no time to write it.
Blair Waldorf: Don't worry, I can be bitch enough for both of us.
Chuck Bass: I still have the scars on my back to prove it.
[Blairs starts pushing him out the door]
Chuck Bass: You know, they say that you love something you should set it free.
Blair Waldorf: Uh! They say if you hate something you should slam the door in its face.
Chuck Bass: I love it when you talk dirty Blair.

Blair Waldorf: [kicks Chuck] Break a leg!
Chuck Bass: I think I just did!

Chuck Bass: Won't be a dry eye in the house, trust me.

Chuck Bass: It wasn't what I wrote. I was inspired in the moment. Look, I know I said some horrible things. Even for me.

Amelia: What's this?
Chuck Bass: I was hoping we could discuss what you have planned for my room.
Amelia: And who are you?
Chuck Bass: I'm Chuck Bass.

Chuck Bass: So are you planning to spend the summer sweating it out in Brooklyn?
Nate Archibald: Ah, I think my time across the bridge is over.
Chuck Bass: Nathaniel. What happened with you and Punky Brewster?

Chuck Bass: You know, they say that if you love something you should set it free.
Blair Waldorf: Ugh. They say if you hate something you should slam the door in its face.
Chuck Bass: Ooh, I love it when you talk dirty, Blair.

Chuck Bass: You don't belong with Nate. Never have, never will.

Howie 'The Captain' Archibald: Here he is, the best man ready to do his dad proud.
Chuck Bass: Captain good to see you. Nate.
[Nate being mad just looks at him and doesn't say anything]
Howie 'The Captain' Archibald: Wow, clearly I missed something while I was away. A little advice fellas, you've been friends a long time, whoever she is she's not worth it.
Chuck Bass: Couldn't agree more.
Nate Archibald: That's the problem.

Chuck Bass: I need to talk to you, your father's leaving.
Nate Archibald: He just stepped out to call my mom.
Vanessa Abrams: Everything okay?
Chuck Bass: No.
Nate Archibald: Yes.
Chuck Bass: He just asked to have his car brought around.
Nate Archibald: He probably left his phone in it.
Chuck Bass: Look before the ceremony I saw him with a guy doing a deal, it looked like drugs.
Nate Archibald: My father is clean Chuck and what are you spying on him?
Chuck Bass: Look, I know you hate me. I was in love with Blair and I'm sorry, we do not have time to argue about this.

Nate Archibald: So, thank you.
Chuck Bass: It's your dad, it's bigger than, all the other stuff.
Nate Archibald: Look I'm sorry, for all of it.
Chuck Bass: So am I.
Nate Archibald: So you said you loved her? That's um... well never heard you say that before, about anyone.
Chuck Bass: You ready to go back in?
Nate Archibald: I don't think I'm goin' back in.

Chuck Bass: [Chuck about to give his best man speech] My father is someone who goes after what he wants and Lily van der Wooden was no exception. A typical Bass man fashion, his pursuit was direct and at times, not exactly subtle. One thing I've learned through my father's courtship of Lily is the importance of perseverance, that in the face of true love you don't just give up - even if the object of your affection is begging you to. And one thing I've learned from Lily, is the importance of forgiveness. She gave my father the gift of a second chance and in kind I've watched them become someone actually worthy of that gift. And one day I hope I'll be lucky enough to find someone who'll do the same for me. To the happy couple!

[Blair wakes up holding Chuck and then slaps him]
Chuck Bass: Ow!
Blair Waldorf: Who, what, when, where, why?
Chuck Bass: We were up late plotting against Georgina. We must have dozed off.
Blair Waldorf: And you were on the floor!
Chuck Bass: I didn't want to hurt my back.
Blair Waldorf: Why? It's not like you do anything athletic.
Chuck Bass: Well that's not entirely true now is it?
Blair Waldorf: Fine. Nothing that requires you moving your scarf.
Chuck Bass: It was one time, it was chilly.
Blair Waldorf: Enough about the past. Before you landed in my bed, we actually landed on a good idea.
Chuck Bass: Well I trust you can take it from here. I have a best man's speech to write, and no time to write it.
Blair Waldorf: Don't worry, I can be bitch enough for the both of us.
Chuck Bass: I still have the scars on my back to prove it.
[Blair starts pushing him out the door]
Chuck Bass: You know, they say if you love something you should set it free.
Blair Waldorf: Ugh! They say when you hate something you should slam the door in its face!
Chuck Bass: I love it when you talk dirty Blair.

Blair Waldorf: Best man speech going that well?
Chuck Bass: There won't be a dry eye in the house, trust me. How did things go with Whore-gina?
Blair Waldorf: Not a dry eye there either.
Chuck Bass: Didn't know I wasn't missed?
Blair Waldorf: Dan Humphrey actually lent a hand it was nice to see him get his dirty for once. I'm not sure how much fun he had though, no one ever enjoys their first time.
[Blair fixes Chuck's bowtie]
Chuck Bass: Except you. Save me a dance?
Blair Waldorf: [Blair grabs Chuck, irritated by what he said] Now that Georgina's done, so are you and I, she was the last thing we had in common.
[Blair kicks Chuck on the shin, making him grunt]
Blair Waldorf: Ha, break a leg.
Chuck Bass: I think I just did.

Chuck Bass: [Blair wakes up and is confused to see Chuck sleeping on her bed, then she slaps him] Ow!
Blair Waldorf: Who? What? When? Where? Why?
Chuck Bass: We were up late plotting against Georgina. We must have dozed off.
Blair Waldorf: And you were on the floor.
Chuck Bass: I didn't want to hurt my back.
Blair Waldorf: Why? It's not like you ever do anything athletic.
Chuck Bass: Well, that's not entirely true, now is it?
Blair Waldorf: Fine, nothing that requires you removing your scarf.
Chuck Bass: That was one time, it was chilly.
Blair Waldorf: Ugh, enough about the past. Before you landed in my bed, we actually landed on a good idea.
Chuck Bass: [looks at his watch] Well, I trust you can take it from here. I have a best man speech to write and no time to write it.
Blair Waldorf: Don't worry, I can be bitch enough for both of us.
Chuck Bass: I've still got the scars on my back to prove it. You know, they say if you love something, you should set it free.
Blair Waldorf: Ugh! They say when you hate something, you should slam the door in its face!
Chuck Bass: I love it when you talk dirty, Blair.

Blair Waldorf: Don't worry I can be a bitch enough for the both of us.
Chuck Bass: I've still got the scars on my back to prove it.
Chuck Bass: You know they say if you love something you should set it free.
Blair Waldorf: Ugh. They say when you hate something you should slam the door in its face.
Chuck Bass: I love it when you talk dirty Blair.

Blair Waldorf: It's not like you ever do anything athletic.
Chuck Bass: Well that's not entirely true now is it.
Blair Waldorf: Fine, nothing that requires removing your scarf.
Chuck Bass: That was one time, it was chilly.

[Blair wakes up holding Chuck and then slaps him]
Blair Waldorf: Ow!
Chuck Bass: Who, what, when, where, why?
Blair Waldorf: We were up late plotting against Georgina. We must have dozed off.
Chuck Bass: And you were on the floor!
Blair Waldorf: I didn't want to hurt my back.
Chuck Bass: Why? It's not like you do anything athletic.
Blair Waldorf: Well that's not entirely true now is it?
Chuck Bass: Fine. Nothing that requires you moving your scarf.
Blair Waldorf: It was one time, it was chilly.
Chuck Bass: Enough about the past. Before you landed in my bed, we actually landed on a good idea.
Blair Waldorf: Well I trust you can take it from here. I have a best man's speech to write, and no time to write it.
Chuck Bass: Don't worry, I can be bitch enough for the both of us.
Blair Waldorf: I still have the scars on my back to prove it.
[Blair starts pushing him out the door]
Blair Waldorf: You know, they say if you love something you should set it free.
Chuck Bass: Ugh! They say when you hate something you should slam the door in its face!
Blair Waldorf: I love it when you talk dirty Blair.


"Gossip Girl: Woman on the Verge (#1.17)" (2008)
Nate Archibald: She's right, Serena. I mean, none of us are saints.
Blair Waldorf: [looks at Chuck] Yeah, I had sex with him in the back of a limo.
Chuck Bass: Several times.
Nate Archibald: [looks at Serena] I had sex with you, at a wedding while I was her date.
Nate Archibald: [looks at Chuck] Once.
Blair Waldorf: [looks at Chuck]
Chuck Bass: I'm Chuck Bass.

Dan Humphrey: Wait, don't you all hate each other?
Blair Waldorf: Yes.
Nate Archibald: Absolutely.
Chuck Bass: No.

Serena van der Woodsen: Dan puts me on a pedestal. If he knew the truth he would never look at me again.
Chuck Bass: Okay, you're starting to scare even me. What did you do?
Nate Archibald: C'mon, you can tell us.
Blair Waldorf: We've seen you with vomit in your hair, making out with investment bankers at PJ Clark's. You don't have to hide anything from us.

Nate Archibald: She's right Serena. I mean, none of us are saints.
Blair Waldorf: [points at Chuck] Yeah, I had sex with him in the back of a limo.
Chuck Bass: Several times.
Nate Archibald: I had sex with you at a wedding, while I was her date.
[looks at Chuck]
Nate Archibald: Once.
Blair Waldorf: [looks at Chuck]
Chuck Bass: I'm Chuck Bass.

Blair Waldorf: What if I told you I know where Georgina Sparks was right now?
Chuck Bass: I say let's get the bitch.

Chuck Bass: Maybe this is Blair's idea of a perverse double-date.

Chuck Bass: So we have every hangover cure known to man. Plus bagels. This should help soak up the alcohol.

Serena van der Woodsen: Dan puts me on a pedestal. If he knew the truth he would never look at me again.
Chuck Bass: You're starting to scare even me. What did you do?
Nate Archibald: C'mon, you can tell us.
Blair Waldorf: We've seen you with vomit in your hair, making out with investment bankers in the men's room at PJ Clarks. You don't have to hide anything from us.
Nate Archibald: She's right, Serena. I mean, none of us are saints.
Blair Waldorf: Yeah.
[Points at Chuck]
Blair Waldorf: I had sex with him in the back of a limo.
Chuck Bass: Several times.
Nate Archibald: I had sex with you, at a wedding while I was her date.
[looks at Chuck]
Nate Archibald: Once.
Chuck Bass: I'm Chuck Bass.
Blair Waldorf: You can tell us anything.
[Serena shakes her head]
Blair Waldorf: We don't judge. We're the non-judging Breakfast Club. We're your best friends. Anything you do is something we did too.
Serena van der Woodsen: [looks at Blair, Nate, and Chuck] If I tell you, it can never leave this room.

Blair Waldorf: [to Serena] We've seen you with vomit in your hair making out with investment bankers in the men's room at PJ Clark's; you don't have to hide anything from us.
Nate Archibald: She's right Serena, I mean none of us are saints.
Blair Waldorf: Yeah I had sex with him in the back of a limo
[points to Chuck]
Blair Waldorf: .
Chuck Bass: Several times.
Nate Archibald: I had sex with you at a wedding when I was her date. Once.
Chuck Bass: I'm Chuck Bass.

Dan Humphrey, Chuck Bass: Hey, what are you doing here?
Chuck Bass: Uh... I'm a big Leaky Hawk fan.


"Gossip Girl: School Lies (#1.12)" (2008)
Bart Bass: So. Your new step-brother told me about your problem at school. Frankly, I wasn't surprised given your propensity for recklessness and adventure.
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm sorry?
Bart Bass: Don't tell your mother, but... I made a call.
Serena van der Woodsen: You did what?
Bart Bass: It was harder than usual. That new headmistress of yours is a new peice of work. I had to go over her head. Sorry I couldn't get the charges completely dropped, but, at least I got you minimal sentence.
Gossip Girl: One thing about being on the inside, once you get there you don't always get to choose where you stand... or sit.
Chuck Bass: [Chuck comes over, puts his hand on her knee but she tosses it away] I was just looking our for my family. The new Van Der Woodsen-Bass library should be completed for Eric's graduation.
Bart Bass: I can see that Lily and I are going to have our hands full with the two of you.
Serena van der Woodsen: Okay. Will you excuse me? I need some air.

Chuck Bass: Blair doesn't even want you. She's been crystal about that since we got back.
Nate Archiblaid: Didn't seem that way when she kissed me at the pool.
Chuck Bass: She kissed you?
Nate Archiblaid: Well I kissed her, but... yup.
Chuck Bass: Was she like... into it? Or was she more like...
Nate Archiblaid: Of course she was into it, man. What do you think?
Chuck Bass: Yeah I know, but, uh. You know Blair.
Nate Archiblaid: [suggestively] Yes. I. Do.

Chuck Bass: How glad are you to see our families merge, Sis?
Serena van der Woodsen: So glad that if you ever call me that again it'll be the last thign you ever say, Chuck.
Chuck Bass: I love it. Our first brother-sister squabble. Well I hope you're going to make yourself available for more missed childhood memories. Bathing together, for example.

Chuck Bass: What ever happened to don't speak until spoken to?
Dan Humphrey: I just saw you with that key, I know you had it at the party.
Chuck Bass: Poor little Humprey-Dumpty. Look, regardless of who you're currently sleeping with, you and I come from different worlds.

Vanessa Abrams: [after being bribed] You're sick.
Chuck Bass: [taking videotape] You're welcome.

Blair Waldorf: Enough with the blackmail. Aren't you bored already? I can't avoid Nate forever.
Chuck Bass: Excuse me.
[excuses the girl away from him that he was talking to]
Chuck Bass: I didn't say forever. Just until the sight of the two of you together doesn't turn my stomach.
Blair Waldorf: And when will that be?
Chuck Bass: Only time will tell I'm afraid, so unless you want dear Nathaniel to know how you lost your virginity to me in the back of a moving vehicle I encourage patience and restraint.
Blair Waldorf: Isn't there someone else you can torture?
Chuck Bass: Probably but I choose you.

Chuck Bass: Why don't I turn that one piece into a no-piece.
Serena van der Woodsen: Find a floatie to talk to Chuck.
Chuck Bass: Ya know if my dad and your mom come back from South Africa tomorrow engaged we'll be brother and sister, and you know what they say the family that plays together stays together.
Serena van der Woodsen: Ah, incest the universal taboo. One of the only one's you haven't violated yet.
Chuck Bass: Well I'm game if you are.
[Serena starts to act like she's going to kiss him but instead knocks his drink out of his hand]

Blair Waldorf: [Chuck grabs Blair's arm] Hey let go of me Bass!
Chuck Bass: Drop your Archibald habit first.
Blair Waldorf: You know I already have.
Chuck Bass: Really? A kiss does sort of send the wrong signal, let's not waste time denying.
Blair Waldorf: You know what, I'm tired of this go ahead and tell him.
Chuck Bass: Really, you want me to tell him how you slept with me and faked your virginity for him.
Blair Waldorf: I'll just tell him your lying and who do you think he'll believe? You who bangs anything in his field of vision or me his pure and honest girlfriend of many years.
Chuck Bass: Oh now he'll believe me.
Blair Waldorf: Why?
Chuck Bass: I have proof.
[Vanessa had filmed them on camera]
Chuck Bass: Good eye docu-girl I'll take the tape now.
Blair Waldorf: You knew she was watching? This is my house that tape belongs to me.
Vanessa Abrams: Actually this is my footage and thanks to both of you I think I got a new angle on my subject.
Dan Humphrey: [Dan walks up] Hey Vanessa let's get out of here.
Chuck Bass: If you think I'm gonna let you walk out of here without that tape your crazy!
[he grabs Vanessa's arm agressively]
Vanessa Abrams: Let go of me!
Dan Humphrey: Hey! Last time I checked I still owe you a black eye so unless this is you coming to claim it, stay away from her.


"Gossip Girl: A Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate (#1.13)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: Game over.
Chuck Bass: It's not over until I say it's over.
Blair Waldorf: Well, have fun playing with yourself then.

Chuck Bass: Let me be more succinct. You held a certain fascination... when you were beautiful, delicate, and untouched. Now... now you're like the Arabian my father used to own. Rode hard and put away wet. I don't want you anymore, and I can't see why anyone else would.

Blair Waldorf: Look, if you were going to tell Nate you would have done so in Monaco but you don't want him to hate you and you know he would. Game over.
Chuck Bass: Game's not over 'til I say it is.
Blair Waldorf: Then have fun playing with yourself.

Serena van der Woodsen: Hi, Chuck.
Chuck Bass: Please, call me brother.

Serena van der Woodsen: I need to talk to you.
Chuck Bass: About getting knocked up? I must say I'm a little disappointed you weren't more careful.

Nate Archibald: [Nate comes up to Chuck and throws him on the limo] Did you sleep with her huh? You son of a bitch I would've killed you!
Chuck Bass: Look can we talk about this without your hands around my neck?
Nate Archibald: Did you give it to her like you do those other girls?
Chuck Bass: Yes Nathaniel! I took what Blair kept throwing at you and you kept throwing back!
Nate Archibald: Oh for somehow you screwing Blair for sport is my fault?
Chuck Bass: It wasn't for sport. She needed someone and I was there.
Nate Archibald: Oh so you cared about her?
Chuck Bass: You guys had broken up.
Nate Archibald: For how long? A week? An hour?
Chuck Bass: Look I am sorry alright, I know how long you and I have been best friends, okay?
Nate Archibald: No it's not okay Chuck, from now on you just stay away from me.
Chuck Bass: Nate...
Nate Archibald: Did you hear what I said? You stay the hell away from me Chuck!
Chuck Bass: Show's over!

Blair Waldorf: You're all I have left.
Chuck Bass: Actually, you don't even have me.
Blair Waldorf: Enough.
Chuck Bass: I'll try to be more succinct. You held a certain fascination when you were beautiful, delicate and untouched. But now you're like... one of the Arabians my father used to own. Rode hard and put away wet. I don't want you anymore and I can't see why anyone else would.


"Gossip Girl: The Wild Brunch (#1.2)" (2007)
Chuck Bass: [to Blair] I'm honored to be playing even a small role in your deflowering.

Blair Waldorf: What's that?
Chuck Bass: The key to my suite, Nate's heart, and your future happiness.

Blair Waldorf: Dan? Hi I'm Blair Waldorf, Serena's friend.
Dan Humphrey: Oh, hey yeah do you happen to know where she is?
Blair Waldorf: As a matter of fact I do.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair.
Dan Humphrey: Serena there you are, where were you?
Blair Waldorf: She was waiting in a hotel room, for my boyfriend.
Serena van der Woodsen: To talk.
Nate Archibald: About why we weren't talking.
Blair Waldorf: That doesn't sound any smarter the second time.
Dan Humphrey: Why weren't you talking?
[pause]
Dan Humphrey: Does this have anything to do with why you were waiting for Serena this morning?
Blair Waldorf: You were what?
Chuck Bass: And here I thought you were waiting for me.
Dan Humphrey: Oh exactly what this situation needs, Chuck.
Dan Humphrey: Now what is going on here?
Blair Waldorf: We were just getting to that.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair please. Don't do this.
Blair Waldorf: Sorry. Do you, wanna tell him?
Chuck Bass: I'll tell him.
Blair Waldorf, Nate Archibald: [Blair and Nate say in unison] You know?
Chuck Bass: I know everthing.
Dan Humphrey: And apparently I know nothing.
Serena van der Woodsen: Look Dan, it, it was a long time ago and I regret it but...
Chuck Bass: Serena stop trying to pretend like your a good girl. So you slept with your best friend's boyfriend, I kind of admire you for it.
Dan Humphrey: Is that true?
Blair Waldorf: Well, then she ran away and lied about it. I just thought you should know before you fall head over heels for your perfect girl in her perfect world and then get left all alone but no one but your cabbage patch kid.

Chuck Bass: [to Serena] So I guess it's just you and me. Appparently my rooms available.

Chuck Bass: [to Serena] So I guess it's just you and me. Apparently my rooms available.

Chuck Bass: [furious] What are you doing here?
Dan Humphrey: [trying to be cool] Why, what is this? Your hotel?
Nate Archibald: Actually, it is.

Chuck Bass: I'm honored to be playing even a small role in your deflowering.
Blair Waldorf: You're disgusting.
Chuck Bass: Yes I am, so why be shy? Report back with details.


"Gossip Girl: Poison Ivy (#1.3)" (2007)
Chuck Bass: Because I'm Chuck Bass.

Chuck Bass: Why should I be chosen as an usher?
[thinks]
Chuck Bass: Well I'm Chuck Bass.

Blair Waldorf: You weren't such a perv, I'm sure the CIA would hire you in a second.
Chuck Bass: Defending my country, now there's a future I never envisioned.
Blair Waldorf: With good reason.

Chuck Bass: Why should I be chosen to be an usher? I'm Chuck Bass.

Blair Waldorf: What is she doing there?
Chuck Bass: Well what's anyone doing there. It's a facility for the disturbed or addicted.
Blair Waldorf: You must have your own wing.
Chuck Bass: You don't get nearly enough credit for your wit.
[pause]
Chuck Bass: So the question is, what do you do now?
Blair Waldorf: I was thinking total social destruction.
Chuck Bass: And here I thought you were getting soft.
[pause]
Chuck Bass: So this is your bed huh?
Blair Waldorf: Leaving now.
Chuck Bass: You can repay me another time.

Chuck Bass: Women like to pretend they're complicated. I know better.

Blair Waldorf: [after Chuck says some nasty things] Agh, you're heinous.
Chuck Bass: [amused] Which is probably why you called.
Blair Waldorf: You know me well.


"Gossip Girl: Seventeen Candles (#1.8)" (2007)
Chuck Bass: [to Blair] Something this beautiful deserves to be seen on someone worthy of its beauty.

Blair Waldorf: Do you... 'like' me?
Chuck Bass: Define like.
Blair Waldorf: You have got to be kidding me.
Chuck Bass: How do you think I feel? I can't sleep! I feel sick, like there's something in my stomach... fluttering.
[disgusted]
Blair Waldorf: Butterflies? Oh no, no, no, no no.
[horrified]

Chuck Bass: Not as much as I enjoyed the memory of you purring in my ear which I have been replaying over and over...
Blair Waldorf: Well erase the tape!

Chuck Bass: Something this beautiful deserves to be seen on something worthy of its beauty... I really am sorry.

Blair Waldorf: Oh my God! Do you like me?
Chuck Bass: Define like...

Chuck Bass: Are you ready for your present?
[Blair grabs his hair and pulls]
Chuck Bass: Owww! If you wanted to play ROUGH all you had to do was ask!
Blair Waldorf: You nauseate me!
Chuck Bass: All this talk about how you have to be with Nate or the world will end. Face it, it's over!
Blair Waldorf: You sound like a jealous boyfriend
Chuck Bass: Yeah right! You wish!
Blair Waldorf: No. You wish!
Chuck Bass: Please you forget who you're talking to
Blair Waldorf: So do you. Do you... like me?
Chuck Bass: Define "like"?
Blair Waldorf: Ohh! Ahh! You have got to be kidding! I do not believe this
Chuck Bass: How do you think I feel! I haven't sleep, I feel sick; like there is something in my stomach... fluttering.
Blair Waldorf: Butterflies? Oh, no,no,no,no,no! No,no,no! This is not happening!
Chuck Bass: Believe me no one is more surprised or ashamed than I am.
Blair Waldorf: Chuck, you know that I adore all of God's creatures and the metaphors that they inspire, but those butterflies have got to be murdered!
Chuck Bass: Fine! It wasn't that great anyway.
Blair Waldorf: Thanks!

Chuck Bass: [Opening his door] Nathaniel!
Nate Archibald: Where's the girl?
Chuck Bass: In my dreams. I was trying to get some shut-eye. What's on your mind?
Nate Archibald: Just my mom...
Chuck Bass: Sounds Freudian.


"Gossip Girl: Victor/Victrola (#1.7)" (2007)
Blair Waldorf: Thanks for the lift home.
Chuck Bass: You were... amazing up there.

Blair Waldorf: You know, I got moves.
Chuck Bass: Really? Then why don't you get up there.
Blair Waldorf: [laughs] I'm just saying, I got moves.

Blair Waldorf: You really don't think I'll go up there.
Chuck Bass: I know you won't do it.
Blair Waldorf: Guard my drink.

Chuck Bass: Nathaniel, your position in my esteem has been replaced by your voicemail. So Bart didn't go for Victrola but seems I've already bought the house out for tonight and it's not a party without my people or any people I'll see you there.
[Chuck goes and sits on the ground]
Lily van der Woodsen: Long night?
Chuck Bass: Alfonso made me an omlette, I may have washed it down with a or two.
Lily van der Woodsen: Father didn't go for your business proposal?
[Chucks shakes his head no]
Lily van der Woodsen: Come on.
[Lily helps him up]
Lily van der Woodsen: Let me help you.
Chuck Bass: He was born poor, I was born loaded but if the only way to impress him was if I started with nothing then why doesn't he just take it all away.
Lily van der Woodsen: Because he loves you. No good parent likes to see his child go without.
Chuck Bass: I had the idea. I did the work. He tells me I can't be committed and he's the one screwing 25 year olds, when he's supposedly committed to you.
Lily van der Woodsen: We're newly committed as recent as last week.
Chuck Bass: I wonder why he was pawing some asian chick in his limo yesterday.
Lily van der Woodsen: How could I be surprised really. Excuse me.

Victrola Trannie: Who's that girl?
Chuck Bass: I have no idea...

Chuck Bass: Alfonso made me an omelette. I may have washed it down with a Belini or two.

Chuck Bass: Nathaniel! Your position in my esteem has been replaced by your voice mail.


"Gossip Girl: Bad News Blair (#1.4)" (2007)
Chuck Bass: As much as I love hearing about not needing material things from a guy with *that* much product in his hair, this party is about excess.

Chuck Bass: Are you high? He looks like Matthew McConaughey between movies.

Chuck Bass: What is Carter still doing here?
Nate Archibald: I invited him.
Chuck Bass: Or he invited himself that is his style. Begging us to break free of our prisms while stuffing his face with free food and draining our booze. He's a deadbeat and a hypocrite.
Nate Archibald: And a good ball player if I remember right. You sure you just don't want to lose to him now Chuck?
Carter Baizen: Maybe if your daddy bought you a basketball team instead of a hotel you'd have some skill.
Chuck Bass: Look this is the last weekend for juniors not senior citizens go jump into a volcano.
Carter Baizen: We'll just settle it on the court.
Chuck Bass: Settle it right now.
Nate Archibald: Hey chill out!
Chuck Bass: No! This is my game I pick the players.
Carter Baizen: I get it, I'll go.
Nate Archibald: Hey, hey man is that card game tonight.
Carter Baizen: Yeah.
Nate Archibald: Text me the address later.
Carter Baizen: I will.
[Carter leaves]
Nate Archibald: You didn't have to do that man!
Chuck Bass: Nobody wanted him here. He's an older brother bringing everyone down.
Nate Archibald: Let's just play some ball.

Chuck Bass: [to the boys attending his weekend-long exclusive party] You eat what I provide, practice what I preach and 'till I say so, the only girls you talk to are the ones I've paid for.

Chuck Bass: Stop talking. Start partying.

Chuck Bass: [speech to kick-off a weekend-long party] You've lived through Ivy Week and hopefully gained entry to the college of your choice. Now, let's ruin those chances.


"Gossip Girl: In the Realm of the Basses (#2.14)" (2009)
Chuck Bass: No one cares.
Blair Waldorf: I do. Don't you understand? I'll always be here. I don't want you going anywhere. I couldn't bear it. So whatever you want to do to yourself, please don't do it to me. Please.
Chuck Bass: I'm sorry.

Jack Bass: [to Chuck] Chuck, your father wouldn't want this.
Chuck Bass: Fortunately, all I know is what he didn't want... which is me.

Blair Waldorf: Chuck, stop. All this doesn't help. It isn't you.
Chuck Bass: Wrong. Bart may have been a bastard, but he saw me better than anyone. Simply living up to my potential. It's time to let go of your fantasies.

Chuck Bass: [shouts] I'm Chuck Bass!
[pauses]
Chuck Bass: No one cares.
Blair Waldorf: I do. Don't you understand? I'll always be here. I don't want you going anywhere, I couldn't bear it. So whatever you want to do to yourself, please don't do that to me.
[reaches to Chuck]
Blair Waldorf: Please!

Eric van der Woodsen: [to Chuck] Welcome back! How was Thailand?
Chuck Bass: I honestly don't remember.
Eric van der Woodsen: You should come home, Chuck.
Chuck Bass: [gets a bottle of scotch] I think I'll take in the view from above. It was nice having you as my little brother.

Chuck Bass: Uncle Jack, what a surprise. How've you been?
Jack Bass: Uh-huh, so I take it you don't remember our rickshaw ride down Selon Road? The 15-hour flight?
Chuck Bass: That was you?


"Gossip Girl: Chuck in Real Life (#2.7)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: Bet's off.
Chuck Bass: But the game's not over.
Blair Waldorf: I'm calling it on account of boredom. You were right Vanessa's not worth playing with.
Chuck Bass: Maybe she is maybe she isn't. Why the sudden change of heart?
Blair Waldorf: Like I said the whole thing is dull. Persuing Vanessa is beneath us both.
Chuck Bass: You think I'm going in for the kill and worried that your going to have to go through with what you promised.
Blair Waldorf: I'm not worried... about... that.
Chuck Bass: Well then what?
Blair Waldorf: Then... nothing... just... forget it.

Chuck Bass: Deal's off.
Blair Waldorf: What? What are you talking about?
Chuck Bass: I'm out. I don't know what I was thinking about. Pretending to buy some Brooklyn down bar.
Blair Waldorf: But you promised to seduce Vanessa, she needs to be destroyed.
Chuck Bass: She's your problem. Humphrey doesn't warrant this.
Blair Waldorf: The great Chuck Bass is just gonna give up.
Chuck Bass: No no no, there's no shame if the prize isn't worth it. You do your own dirty work. There's not enough in it for me.
Blair Waldorf: Well what if I made it worth it?
[looks at him seductively]
Chuck Bass: What are you talking about?
Blair Waldorf: I think you know.
Chuck Bass: Your not serious.
[she nods her head yes]
Chuck Bass: My, my that girl has gotten under your skin.
Blair Waldorf: The question is Bass, will you?
Chuck Bass: Aren't you the least bit worried I'll succeed?
[starts untying Blair's robe]
Blair Waldorf: Do we have an agreement?
Chuck Bass: Oh we have a deal.

Chuck Bass: Waving the white flag are we?
Blair Waldorf: Not exactly. I have a proposition for you.
Chuck Bass: I'll say yes.
Blair Waldorf: That little troll Vanessa is working my last nerve.
Chuck Bass: Not what I expected.
Blair Waldorf: And then I realized, this could benefit both of us.
Chuck Bass: You had me until troll.
Blair Waldorf: Dan stole your best friend, now you can steal his. Seduce and destroy.
Chuck Bass: What's in it for me?
Blair Waldorf: The thrill of the impossible. The only person Vanessa loathes more than me is you. It'll be one for the ages.

Blair Waldorf: Poor Chuck, what is life without a friend to share it? Oh, it looks like you just lost yours to Dan Humphrey.
Chuck Bass: Who cares. I'd rather talk about who you lost yours to anyway.
Blair Waldorf: Nuh-huh been there done that. Been decontaminated.
Chuck Bass: We both know you'll do it again. It's just a question of when.
Blair Waldorf: The answer is never.
Chuck Bass: Were inevitable Waldorf.
Blair Waldorf: Despite whatever vestige attraction my body may have for you, my brain knows better and yours should too. I gotta go. I've got a disciplinary hearing.
Chuck Bass: Well I knew you were trouble but a hearing? Impressive.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, it's not for me.

Chuck Bass: Humphrey, never a pleasure.
Dan Humphrey: Oh good we actually agree on something.
Chuck Bass: Archibald, isn't it about time you ended this bromance? What happens at Yale stays at Yale.
Nate Archibald: Hey man let's go.
[Nate and Dan walk off leaving Chuck behind]

Blair Waldorf: What took you so long?
Chuck Bass: If you thought that was long, you have no idea what you're in for.


"Gossip Girl: Summer Kind of Wonderful (#2.1)" (2008)
[Blair about to leave with Marcus]
Blair Waldorf: Chuck, aren't you done trying to destroy my night?
Chuck Bass: Look, I should have never abandoned you. I know I made the wrong decision as soon as your plane took off. I distracted myself all summer, you might not feel it, but I still do.
Blair Waldorf: And?
Chuck Bass: I was scared, I was scared if we spent the whole summer together just us, you'll see.
Blair Waldorf: See what?
Chuck Bass: Me. Please don't leave with him.
Blair Waldorf: Why? Give me a reason, and "I'm Chuck Bass" doesn't count.
Chuck Bass: 'Cause you don't want to.
Blair Waldorf: Not good enough.
Chuck Bass: 'Cause I don't want you to.
Blair Waldorf: That's not enough.
Chuck Bass: What else is there?
Blair Waldorf: The true reason I should stay right where I am and not get into the car. Three words, eight letter. Say it, and I'm yours.
Chuck Bass: I... I...
Blair Waldorf: Thank you, that's all I needed to hear.

Blair Waldorf: [turns] Chuck, aren't you done trying to ruin my night?
Chuck Bass: Look, I never should have abandoned you. I knew that I had made the wrong decision as soon as your plane took off. I distracted myself all summer, hoping that I wouldn't feel it. But I still do.
Blair Waldorf: And?
Chuck Bass: I was scared. I was scared that if we spent the whole summer together, just us... you would see.
Blair Waldorf: See what?
Chuck Bass: Me.
[steps closer]
Chuck Bass: Please don't leave with him.
Blair Waldorf: Why? Give me a reason. And "I'm Chuck Bass" doesn't count.
Chuck Bass: 'Cause you don't want to.
Blair Waldorf: Not good enough.
Chuck Bass: 'Cause I don't want you to.
[gets closer]
Chuck Bass: What else is there?
Blair Waldorf: The true reason I should stay right where I am and not get in the car. Three words, eight letters. Say it, and I'm yours.
Chuck Bass: [quiet] I... I www...
Blair Waldorf: Thank you. That's all I needed to hear.
[turns and joins Marcus in the car]

Chuck Bass: [holds out cigarette] Smoke?
Nate Archibald: No thanks. Little early for me.
Chuck Bass: So how can I help, Nathaniel?
Nate Archibald: About last week. The money? I might have overreacted a little.
Chuck Bass: A little?
Nate Archibald: Yeah. And, hey, if you can, I would love to take you up on your offer.
Chuck Bass: I thought you were getting the money from somewhere else.
Nate Archibald: Yeah, well, that person is asking for a lot.
Chuck Bass: Well... I'd love to accommodate you. But when you spurned my offer, I sent the money to my financial guide. It's tied up in funds for six months.
Nate Archibald: Oh. Uh, no, that's cool. I'll just find another way.
Chuck Bass: [turns to the side and rubs forehead] So, uh, have you seen Blair and Lord... recently?
Nate Archibald: No.
[watches him for a moment]
Nate Archibald: Are you doing okay?
Chuck Bass: I have to confess, I've been feeling a little off my game. But I'm expecting a return of form very soon.
[Butler comes in and introduces a young Japenese woman]
Chuck Bass: So I can see.
[bows to woman]

Chuck Bass: Look, I never should have abandoned you. I knew I made the wrong decision as soon as your plane took off. I distracted myself all summer, hoping I wouldn't feel it, but I still do.
Blair Waldorf: And?
Chuck Bass: I was scared. Scared that if we spent the whole summer together, just us, you would see...
Blair Waldorf: See what?
Chuck Bass: Me... please don't leave with him.
Blair Waldorf: Why? Give me a reason. And 'I'm Chuck Bass' doesn't count.
Chuck Bass: Because you don't want to.
Blair Waldorf: Not good enough.
Chuck Bass: Because I don't want you to.
Blair Waldorf: It's not enough.
[Blair on the verge of tears]
Chuck Bass: What else is there?
Blair Waldorf: The true reason I should stay right where I am and not get in the car, three words, eight letters... say it and I'm yours.
Chuck Bass: I... I...
Blair Waldorf: Thank you. That's all I needed to hear.

Chuck Bass: Please don't leave with him.
Blair Waldorf: Why? Give me a reason. And, 'I'm Chuck Bass' doesn't count.
Chuck Bass: Because you don't want to.
Blair Waldorf: That's not good enough.
Chuck Bass: Because I don't want you to.
Blair Waldorf: Not good enough.
Chuck Bass: What else is there?
Blair Waldorf: The true reason I should stay right where I am and not get in the car. Three words. Eight letters. Say it... and I'm yours.
Chuck Bass: I... I...
Blair Waldorf: Thank you. That's all I needed to hear.


"Gossip Girl: Gone with the Will (#2.15)" (2009)
Chuck Bass: I'm sorry. I screwed up.
Blair Waldorf: It's too late, Chuck. I stood by you through all of this but I can't watch you self-destruct any longer.

Albert: Charles, Mr. Bass asked me to give you this letter.
Chuck Bass: If I don't read it do I still get my inheritance?
Albert: Well, yes...
Chuck Bass: Then I'll pass.

Jack Bass: Chuck, this letter represents your dad's final words.
Blair Waldorf: Your dad wrote you a letter? You have to read it!
Nate Archibald: Yeah, aren't you curious to know what it says?
Chuck Bass: I think I can guess. "You're a disappointment of a son, I'd die of embarrassment if I wasn't already. Why do you wear so much purple?"

Chuck Bass: Look I owe you a lot Jack, you saved my life when I didn't wanna be saved.
Jack Bass: Well... you noticed that Thai waitress I was gonna take home the other night had a penis... so, consider us even.

Jack Bass: I owe you an apology, the fact is you're Bart's son, and it is your rightful place.
Chuck Bass: Your blessing means a lot to me.
Jack Bass: Good, now before we start spooning I wanna take you out tonight to properly celebrate
Chuck Bass: I'm having dinner with Blair.
Jack Bass: Reschedule Blair.
Chuck Bass: I can't. She's been a good friend to me.
Jack Bass: Yeah, I saw you two talking this morning, last time I had a friend like that... I wind up with gonorrhea.


"Gossip Girl: There Might be Blood (#2.9)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: Emma, open up. Emma I know your in there.
[Blair knocking on Serge's apartment door trying to get Emma]
Emma Boardman: Go away! Serge is in the bathroom and when he gets out there's gonna be one less virgin around here.
Chuck Bass: You do have to admire her determination.
Emma Boardman: I'm not letting Muffy lose hers before me, she beats me in everything.
Chuck Bass: Tell her to check Gossip Girl.
Blair Waldorf: Emma do you have your phone? Check Gossip Girl it's important.
Emma Boardman: [picks up her phone] Look I already told you nothing's gonna... what?
[she opens the door]
Emma Boardman: It says Muffy's muff gets stuffed! Does that mean...
Blair Waldorf: That little Muffy took her first steps as a woman, afraid so.
Emma Boardman: She lost her virginity and her Gossip Girl cherry in the same night? But how did she get on Gossip Girl?
Chuck Bass: It pays to have connections.

Blair Waldorf: You! What did you do with her?
Chuck Bass: Hey! She assaulted me. Demanded I deflower her.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, limos and virgins your specialty.
Chuck Bass: Just so you know, what are the few things I consider sacred, the back of a limo is one of them.
[Blair slightly smiles]

Chuck Bass: Looks like you've just hooked yourself a Bass.

Chuck Bass: Let's not ruin it with you talking.

Blair Waldorf: Limos and virgins, your specialty.
Chuck Bass: Just so you know, while there are few things I consider sacred, the back of the limo is one of them.


"Gossip Girl: Pret-a-Poor-J (#2.8)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: Wanna get a drink?
Chuck Bass: Wanna say those three little words?
Blair Waldorf: No.
Chuck Bass: Then no drink.
Blair Waldorf: Why? Scarred you won't be able to handle it?
[Blair lifts up her skirt and Chuck sees she has a gird on]

Chuck Bass: [Chuck rides up in his limo and rolls down the window] Wanna get in? I'd love to give you a ride.
Blair Waldorf: Well I'm sure you would. Too bad you've made the terms of that arrangement impossible.
Chuck Bass: About that, maybe I was a litte too hasty. Come on, get in.
Blair Waldorf: Maybe I don't want you anymore.
Chuck Bass: Don't torture me. I'm dying.
[Blair starts to get in when Chuck pushes down the lock]
Chuck Bass: All you have to do is say those three magic words.
Blair Waldorf: I hate you.
[Chuck rolls up the window and leaves]

Blair Waldorf: Are you here to gloat?
Chuck Bass: Over what?
Blair Waldorf: Well you won. Pop the champagne.
Chuck Bass: I didn't win.
Blair Waldorf: Then why does it feel like I lost?
Chuck Bass: The reason we can't say those three words to each other isn't because thy aren't true.
Blair Waldorf: Then why?
Chuck Bass: I think we both know, the moment we do, it won't be the start of something, it'll be the end. Think about it, Chuck and Blair going to the movies? Chuck and Blair holding hands?
Blair Waldorf: We don't have to do those things. We can do the things we like.
Chuck Bass: What we like is this.
Blair Waldorf: The game.

Chuck Bass: I'm bored. And you've ruined my pants.

Chuck Bass: Brooklyn?
[Chuck meets Blair on a rooftop in Brooklyn]
Blair Waldorf: At least it will be memorable.
Chuck Bass: I'm sorry but don't you have something you wanna say to me?
Blair Waldorf: Yes.
[pause]
Blair Waldorf: This is so silly. What does it matter who says it first, why don't we just say it together?
Chuck Bass: Because that wasn't the deal.
Blair Waldorf: Why does everything have to be a deal?
Chuck Bass: Because we made it one.
[Blair looks indecisive]
Chuck Bass: What's going on Blair? You told me you had something to say to me, say it.
Blair Waldorf: [Blair on the verge of tears] Why do I have to be the one to go first? I was the one who waited on that helipad for you. I went to Tuscany alone.
Chuck Bass: That's ancient history.
Blair Waldorf: I was the one who asked you to say it first.
Chuck Bass: At the white party? When you were on your way out with the count? Because did you really think I was going to say it then?
Blair Waldorf: Yes! And when you didn't I wanted to die!
Chuck Bass: Don't tell me you brought me all the way to Brooklyn for this? I thought you were ready to tell me how you really felt, obviously it was just another one of your games.
Blair Waldorf: My games? You were the one who started this.
Chuck Bass: And you're the one who finished it.
[Blair walks off]


"Gossip Girl: The Handmaiden's Tale (#1.6)" (2007)
Chuck Bass: Boo.
Jenny Humphrey: Let's play a game.
Chuck Bass: Well I'd say strip poker but I don't have my cards.
Jenny Humphrey: How about hide and seek? You hide, I'll seek.
Chuck Bass: And how will you find me I don't have any bread crumbs.
Jenny Humphrey: Well, you can leave me a trail of your clothes.
Chuck Bass: I have truly died and gone to heaven.

Chuck Bass: Little Jenny Humphrey manages to get my pants off and have me not enjoy it. Quite the accomplishment.

Chuck Bass: [to Blair] If I were your man, I wouldn't need clues to find you.

Chuck Bass: [to masked Jenny, after witty dialogue] Beautiful and mean? I've got chills. Care to dance with a poor devil?


"Gossip Girl: Gone Maybe Gone (#6.1)" (2012)
Blair Waldorf: What... Where are you going, and what are you doing with her?
Dan Humphrey: Probably the same thing you're doing with him.
[points to Chuck]
Blair Waldorf: Saving Serena.
Georgina Sparks: No. Finding Serena, and since you're going to follow us, I'm going to have to ask you to follow my lead as well.
Chuck Bass: Which is what, exactly?
Georgina Sparks: Do nothing. Whatever Serena is doing, we can't get involved. We're gonna observe and record. Like a documentary.
Blair Waldorf: This isn't a reality show, Sparks, this is reality! A concept I know you're a little fuzzy on. So whatever filth-filled pain huffing meth dump we find Serena cracked out in, we don't judge.
Nate Archibald: We're still her friends, no matter what.
Chuck Bass: We're her family.
Georgina Sparks: Oh, aren't you just the kindest, sweetest, trust worthiest babies in the whole world. And when it comes to what Serena's capable of, I think you'll find it's nothing you'd imagine.
Dan Humphrey: Can't argue with you there.
[they find a big fancy house, practically a palace]

Serena van der Woodsen: What the hell are you doing here?
Blair Waldorf: Uh... Looking for you!
Georgina Sparks: To observe and record.
Nate Archibald: No, we're here to help you.
Chuck Bass: And get you home.
Dan Humphrey: And, uh, I don't even know what I'm doing here.
[Georgina and Blair punches him on his chest]

Blair Waldorf: But like I said in the casino, I'm all in.
Chuck Bass: And my bet's on us.

Chuck Bass: Blair, you are a distraction. Cause when we're together you're all i think about. And I would give up my empire for you. I would give up everything for you.


"Gossip Girl: Ex-Husbands and Wives (#3.21)" (2010)
Chuck Bass: I'm sorry your new beau had to abandon our mission.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, he had a dinner with his rugby team.
Chuck Bass: How homoerotic.

Chuck Bass: [to Blair] I did the most dangerous thing I could when I said I love you, and it was worth it. If I got through my fear for you, you can get through yours for me. You have until tomorrow to decide.
Blair Waldorf: What?
Chuck Bass: We're never going to be safe. So are you brave enough or aren't you? I'll be waiting at the top of the Empire State Building.
Blair Waldorf: You can't Affair to Remember me.
Chuck Bass: If you're not there tomorrow, at 7:01, I'm closing my heart to you forever.
Blair Waldorf: Well, I won't be there.

Chuck Bass: [on the phone with Jenny] And why are you whispering? If it's a seduction technique, don't bother.
Jenny Humphrey: Ew. You wish.

Blair Waldorf: [to Jenny & Chuck] The two of you here together? Please tell me there's an explanation that doesn't involve the apocalypse.
Chuck Bass: We come in peace and with a purpose.


"Gossip Girl: Hi, Society (#1.10)" (2007)
Chuck Bass: Don't 'f' with an 'f'-er.

Chuck Bass: You looked pretty hot on Prince Theodore's arm today.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, Is that what I am to you?
[kisses him]
Blair Waldorf: Just an accessory?
Chuck Bass: Next to him yes...
[flips her over, she is now straddling him]
Chuck Bass: On me you'd be so much more.
Blair Waldorf: Yes, but I can't be on you remember? Cause you don't want Nate to find out and I don't want anyone too.
[pulls him up by his collar]
Blair Waldorf: But you have to learn to behave yourself first.
[she kisses him again]

Chuck Bass: You looked pretty hot on Prince Theodore's arm today.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, is that what I am to you?
[kisses him]
Blair Waldorf: Just an accessory?
Chuck Bass: Next to him yes...
[he flips her over so that she's now straddling him]
Chuck Bass: On me you'd be so much more.
Blair Waldorf: Yes, but I can't be on you remember? Cause you don't want Nate to find out and I don't want anyone too.
[she pulls him up by his collar]
Blair Waldorf: But you have to learn to behave yourself first.
[she kisses him again]


"Gossip Girl: Last Tango, Then Paris (#3.22)" (2010)
Jenny Humphrey: I'm trying to forget some things, too. Mostly how happy I thought I'd be once I made it in this world.
Chuck Bass: The world you're looking for only exists from the outside. The only reason I survive in it is because I always knew it was empty.
Jenny Humphrey: Yeah. And now I know, too. I found out the hard way.
Chuck Bass: The hard way is the only way.

Dan Humphrey: [after punching Chuck] You tell her!
Blair Waldorf: Tell me what? What's going on?
[realizes what happened between Chuck and Jenny]
Blair Waldorf: You didn't.
Chuck Bass: Blair.
Blair Waldorf: [to Chuck] You did.
[to Jenny]
Blair Waldorf: You! Get out of here now. And not just out of this hospital, but off this island. Go and never come back, because if you ever set foot in Manhattan again, I will know, and I will destroy you.
Jenny Humphrey: Blair, I'm sorry.
Dan Humphrey: You have no reason to be sorry. This begins and ends with Chuck.

Blair Waldorf: How could you? You and Jenny? She's 16 years old!
Chuck Bass: [very remorseful] Blair, when you didn't show up, I thought you didn't love me anymore. I didn't care if I lived or died. When Jenny Humphrey showed up...
Blair Waldorf: [cutting him off] Don't say her name... or anything else to me ever again! This whole night didn't happen.


"Gossip Girl: You've Got Yale! (#2.16)" (2009)
Lily van der Woodsen: [to Chuck] Did you really try to buy anthrax with his credit card?
Chuck Bass: The black market isn't what it used to be.
Lily van der Woodsen: And you got him on Megan's list?
Chuck Bass: If only his apartment were few blocks closer to the playground.
Lily van der Woodsen: Look, I understand why you try to do these things, but we have got to do something that is not illegal.

Chuck Bass: [to Lily] I can't believe you. You're actually going to take your half-price hustler out on the town tonight.

Lily van der Woodsen: [sighs] The bastard is untouchable.
Chuck Bass: Well, what should we do?
Lily van der Woodsen: Time to get dirty, I'm all ears.
Chuck Bass: Let me educate you.


"Gossip Girl: The Big Sleep No More (#5.7)" (2011)
Chuck Bass: Being decent is more of a struggle than I thought.

Nate Archibald: Charlie just kissed me and ran. I mean, I thought we left stuff like that behind in high school.
Chuck Bass: [thoughtful] Maybe we're maturing too fast.
Nate Archibald: [amused] Which is why you're back to playing Phantom of the Opera sex games?

Chuck Bass: [a masked girl enters the room] Blair?
Blair Waldorf: [taking her mask off] Of course you knew it was me. Was it my perfume?
Chuck Bass: I should get back to the performance.
Blair Waldorf: You can't disrupt the drama. Looks like we're stuck, together, alone, amongst the masked and the anonymous. Do you remember when we used to play dress-up?
Chuck Bass: [skeptically] How could I forget? Though I didn't think this was your kind of entertainment anymore.
Blair Waldorf: At least I know I'm safe, locked in here with the new Chuck Bass who has none of his old urges.
[while getting closer and closer to him]
Blair Waldorf: I have to admit, I had a hard time believing you at first but now I see; the therapy, the apology. You really have changed.
[teasingly]
Blair Waldorf: As warm as it's getting in here, I can sweep the hair from the nape of my neck without setting you off.
[Chuck looks more and more lustful at Blair]
Blair Waldorf: It's such a relief to be able to... let my guard down.
[leaning toward Chuck]
Blair Waldorf: Oh, look! They even have Red Hots. Mmm. You never could resist.
[taking a candy to his lips]
Blair Waldorf: Do you want one?
Chuck Bass: [struggling with himself] No, but thank you.
Blair Waldorf: [still holding the candy to his lips] No one is looking. Even the new Chuck Bass must still have some of his darkest desires. Just a taste.
[Chuck gives in and passionately kisses Blair]


"Gossip Girl: Desperately Seeking Serena (#1.15)" (2008)
Dan Humphrey: Hey I've been wondering where you were.
Chuck Bass: You mean all of your life.
Dan Humphrey: Don't take this the wrong way Serena but you sound just like this jackass we know.
Chuck Bass: Serena has food poisoning. She's too sick to come to your play date.
Dan Humphrey: Put her on the phone.
Chuck Bass: The bathroom doesn't get reception.
Dan Humphrey: Somehow I don't believe you.
Chuck Bass: And I would like to say I'm a little glad about that but my poor sick sister has asked for my assistance in the matter, so I'll leave it at this, she's not coming. Humphrey, always a pleasure.

[the Palace Hotel calls Dan's cell]
Dan Humphrey: Hey, I've been wondering where you were.
Chuck Bass: You mean all your life?

Chuck Bass: [about Blair] She really needs to tone down the social niceties. It's embarrassing.
Serena van der Woodsen: Eventually, the two of you are gonna have to work out your issues.
Chuck Bass: What issues? I'm issue free, and based on my exhaustive research, so are you.
Serena van der Woodsen: Georgina?
Chuck Bass: According to my very reliable sources, Georgina Sparks is nowhere near our fair isle. She's in Switzerland, dating the prince of Belfort.
Serena van der Woodsen: There's a prince of Belfort? And she's dating him? Oh, thank God!
Chuck Bass: Now you can enjoy the gifts she mailed you with piece of mind and maybe Chuck in the room?
Serena van der Woodsen: [shoves Chuck] Oh, shoot, except we're siblings!
Chuck Bass: Georgie always brought out the devil in you. Part of me is disappointed she's not here.
Serena van der Woodsen: Mm, I wonder which part.
Chuck Bass: It's been a while since I saw the old Serena.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well, thanks to her, the new one has to break 2000 on her SAT's, so if you could just go smarm elsewhere.
Chuck Bass: The offer still stands. I know a lovely little redhead that's just dying to be you for the day.
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, I'll leave the cheating to you, Chuck. I plan on taking the SAT's myself.


"Gossip Girl: The Dark Night (#2.3)" (2008)
Chuck Bass: Clearly there's some sort of - blockage, perhaps...
Serena van der Woodsen: No Chuck.
Chuck Bass: One more go around, just to clear the pipes.
Serena van der Woodsen: You are not using Blair as sexual drano!
Chuck Bass: I have to make myself presentable. I have a party to attend.

Blair Waldorf: Not that's it's any of your business but Marcus and I have an amazing sex life.
Chuck Bass: Is that so?
[pause]
Chuck Bass: What names does he call you when you make love?
[Blair doesn't say anything and Chuck turns her around and grasps her hand]
Chuck Bass: Where does he put his hand? Does he...
[starts whispering seductively in Blair's ear]
Chuck Bass: Have sex with me.
Blair Waldorf: What?
Chuck Bass: Just once that's all I need.
Blair Waldorf: You are disgusting and I hate you!
Chuck Bass: Then why are you still holding my hand?
[Blair turns back around]
Blair Waldorf: I have a party to host.
[walks off]

Serena van der Woodsen: I'm sorry, I'm not laughing. It's just so obvious. You're not over Blair, this is your body's way of telling you!
Chuck Bass: I don't have a romantic bone in my body. Least of all that one. But you do raise an interesting idea. Clearly there's some sort of... blockage. Perhaps...
Serena van der Woodsen: No!
Chuck Bass: One more go-around, just to clear the pipes.
Serena van der Woodsen: You are not using Blair as sexual draino!


"Gossip Girl: O Brother, Where Bart Thou? (#2.13)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: Whatever you're going through, I wanna be there for you.
Chuck Bass: We've talked about this. You are not my girlfriend.
Blair Waldorf: But I am me. And you are you. We're Chuck and Blair. Blair and Chuck. The worst thing you've ever done, the darkest thought you've ever had, I will stand by you through anything.
Chuck Bass: And why would you do that.
Blair Waldorf: Because I love you.
Chuck Bass: Well, that's too bad.

Nate Archibald: [to Chuck] You don't even have to stay that long. You should let people shake your hand, say hello, and you're done.
Chuck Bass: You don't have to convince me.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, good. Well, I just thought that after what happened at the church, you might not wanna be here.


"Gossip Girl: The Wrong Goodbye (#4.22)" (2011)
Serena van der Woodsen, Vanessa Abrams: [to Dan] We need to talk to you.
Chuck Bass: [to Dan] I need to talk to you.
Nate Archibald: [to Chuck] Hey, I need to talk to you.
Eric van der Woodsen: Okay, woah. Just tell me that no one's trying to stop a wedding, run a Ponzi scheme, give anybody fake cancer or turn into a justifiably vengeful townie.

Blair Waldorf: We need to talk.
Louis Grimaldi: I see.
Blair Waldorf: Louis...
Chuck Bass: Blair.
Blair Waldorf: No, I need to do this myself. What I need to tell you is...
Chuck Bass: What she's trying to say is you have my blessing. I couldn't be more happy the two of you are getting married.


"Gossip Girl: The Blair Bitch Project (#1.14)" (2008)
Lily van der Woodsen: [to Serena] Don't leave your dirty package on the table.
Chuck Bass: If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that...
Bart Bass: Chuck, that's enough.

Serena van der Woodsen: Oh ok, let's get one thing straight: our parents may be insisting on blending our households but I am not your sister. I do not share any of your DNA, nor do I ever wish to.
Chuck Bass: Then I suggest you get new hand towels.


"Gossip Girl: All the Pretty Sources (#5.8)" (2011)
Dan Humphrey: I could easily spend the rest of my life obsessing about why Serena didn't invite me to that party, I mean, she... she... she really should have invited me to that party... It's like she wants me to stay an outsider for the rest of my life. First she kills my movie, and then she kills my social life...
Chuck Bass: You ever thought it might be your own fault?
Dan Humphrey: [pauses] No.
Chuck Bass: Humphrey, you wrote an entire novel about being an outsider. It's how you define yourself. But if that's not who you wanna be anymore, the only person who can change that, is you. What you need to do is stop with the neurotic navel gazing, and start being like our friend Neo here. The man of action.
[two beautiful women come in]
Chuck Bass: It just so happens that action and her friend are begging you to take them into Nate's bedroom while I take monkey for a stroll.
[Chuck gets up and leaves for the bedroom. Dan takes the rest of his drink, then he looks up at the women]
Beautiful Woman: Hi.
[Dan just stares at them]

Chuck Bass: Why don't you tell me why you antagonize Blair at her own wedding shower?
Dan Humphrey: I was just... I was just trying to take some action, man, like you said. But it didn't work.
Chuck Bass: Let's be clear. I told you to get some ass, not make one of yourself.


"Gossip Girl: The Ex-Files (#2.4)" (2008)
Chuck Bass: I had to create a monster if I was going to dethrone a queen.

Dan Humphrey: You should put a bell on.
Chuck Bass: Kinky. I'll think about it.


"Gossip Girl: The Goodbye Gossip Girl (#2.25)" (2009)
Chuck Bass: I was a coward running away again. But everywhere I went, you caught up with me, so I had to come back.
Blair Waldorf: I want to believe you, but I can't. You've hurt me too many times.
Chuck Bass: You can believe me this time.
Blair Waldorf: That's it?
Chuck Bass: I love you, too.
Blair Waldorf: [They kiss then Blair breaks it off] But can you say it twice?
Chuck Bass: [Kisses] I love you.
[Kisses again]
Chuck Bass: I love three.
[Kisses]
Chuck Bass: I love you four.

Blair Waldorf: We need to talk.
Chuck Bass: I prefer to talk after.


"Gossip Girl: Raiders of the Lost Art (#5.22)" (2012)
Blair Waldorf: Chuck, I don't have time for any of your nonsense. I have a very busy day planned.
Chuck Bass: Blair, listen to me please. I have this book. It's written in code and I desperately need to crack. And I remembered how good you are at things like this. Or at least you were. Maybe that was the old you?
Blair Waldorf: [got a text from Dan cancelling their lunch plans] You know what, Bass? Today is your lucky day.

Chuck Bass: After everything we've been through, there's no room for secrets. Nor should there be. Whatever it is you can tell me, Blair. It's just us here you and me.


"Gossip Girl: The Serena Also Rises (#2.5)" (2008)
Chuck Bass: You watch your back. No one uses Chuck Bass.


"Gossip Girl: Memoirs of an Invisible Dan (#5.4)" (2011)
Dan Humphrey: Hey, everyone, thank you so much for coming.
Serena Van Der Woodsen: I only have five minutes.
Blair Waldorf: This better be really important.
Nate Archibald: What is this about?
Lily: Is everything alright?
Charlie Rhodes: This isn't about me, right?
Rufus Settle: Yeah, what's going on, Dan?
Chuck Bass: This is going to be fun.


"Gossip Girl: It's a Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad World (#3.20)" (2010)
Chuck Bass: [to Lily] I want to apologize. My absence has been inexcusable.
Lily van der Woodsen: Well, I know my situation brings up a lot of issues for you. You've had to deal with so much loss.
Chuck Bass: But I'm not gonna lose you. I'm here for you, every step of the way.


"Gossip Girl: The Unblairable Lightness of Being (#3.18)" (2010)
Blair Waldorf: Everything you said last night was true. We do belong together. We're both sick and twisted. If you think about it, we're incredibly fortunate to have even found each other.
Chuck Bass: Blair, I don't want this to be you settling some sort of consolation.
Blair Waldorf: We've both hit rock bottom, Chuck, but we've hit it together. At least we won't be lonely in hell.


"Gossip Girl: The Debarted (#3.12)" (2009)
Chuck Bass: My father always thought I was weak. And in the moment that mattered most I was. I couldn't be there when he, uh... I left right away. I've been pushing myself to prove him wrong, and pushing you away.
Blair Waldorf: I don't think you ran away because you couldn't handle death. I think it's because you couldn't handle feelings. You're not like that anymore. You're strong. You carry people. You carry me. You're becoming a man in a way that your father never was.


"Gossip Girl: Goodbye, Columbia (#4.5)" (2010)
Chuck Bass: [after smelling the cherry pie Blair has, thanks to his pre-emptive strike, in vain offered to Ms. Chamberlain] Mmm... I almost forgot how much I used to enjoy your pie.


"Gossip Girl: Dan de Fleurette (#3.4)" (2009)
Blair Waldorf: Chuck, NYU is not the Upper East Side. They don't care about Constance, or social hierarchy. They don't care that I'm Blair Waldorf! It's over.
Chuck Bass: How can you do this to me?
Blair Waldorf: What are you talking about?
Chuck Bass: I'm Chuck Bass. And I told you I love you. You're saying I'm easier to win over than a bunch of pseudo-intellectual homesick malcontents. You really insult me like that?
Blair Waldorf: That's not how it is.
Chuck Bass: It's exactly how it is. The next time you forget you're Blair Waldorf, remember I'm Chuck Bass. And I love you.


"Gossip Girl: The Return of the Ring (#5.24)" (2012)
Bart Bass: What did you want to discuss?
Chuck Bass: You said that this was a family business. What happened to us being partners?
Bart Bass: You said partnership. I said nothing, and I did what is best for the company.
Chuck Bass: The only reason why this company still exists is because I saved it. All I've done for the past three years is work to protect your legacy.
Bart Bass: And pine after Blair Waldorf.
Chuck Bass: Blair has nothing to do with how I've handled this business!
Bart Bass: You didn't try to trade her for a hotel deed? You didn't let everything fall apart when you ran away from her all the way to Europe? You didn't just, three months ago, almost bankrupt yourself trying to get her out of her marriage? I had hoped that you would had outgrown such foolish behavior. But you're still willing to throw everything away for a girl who has done nothing but toy with you. And you proved that when you took that engagement ring.
Chuck Bass: You gave me it. You encouraged me to win her back!
Bart Bass: It was a test. To see if you were ready to be a Bass like me. Ruthless, manipulative, vindictive, ambitious, greedy, and iron-hearted. To do the things to be a great man in order to be respected and feared. And you failed.
Chuck Bass: Failed? I got you out of hiding. I took down your enemy. I built this Empire Hotel!
Bart Bass: No, no, no, the most you have done is used my money to redecorate. Bass Industries needs to be run by a man, not a boy like you. You've never grown up. Maybe you can start, now that you're out. I want you out of this hotel by tomorrow. Goodbye and good luck, Chuck.


"Gossip Girl: The Fasting and the Furious (#5.5)" (2011)
Chuck Bass: Humphrey, I feel like my old self again.
Dan Humphrey: Me too. Although, not in a good way. I really thought that the days when everyone turned their backs on me were over.
Chuck Bass: Well. At least this time it's because they hate you, not because they don't know you exist.


"Gossip Girl: The End of the Affair? (#5.11)" (2012)
Chuck Bass: Did you know Blair was back in town?
Dan Humphrey: No. I live in Brooklyn. Without Gossip Girl, I know nothing.


"Gossip Girl: It's a Wonderful Lie (#2.12)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: What do we have, Chuck?
Chuck Bass: Tonight. So shut up. And dance with me.


"Gossip Girl: Dr. Estrangeloved (#3.19)" (2010)
Chuck Bass: I haven't read any posts on Gossip Girl yet. I guess my ban works in the provinces.
Blair Waldorf: I knew it. I knew you'd fatwa'd me.
Chuck Bass: And I knew you couldn't break it.
Blair Waldorf: You're wrong. I could have.
Chuck Bass: Then why didn't you?
Blair Waldorf: Because... I suddenly realized it. The way to get over you, isn't by hooking up with some random guy or pretending like we didn't happen. You and I loved each other. And then you broke my heart. I've been doing everything possible not to face that fact. I'm gonna kiss somebody someday, and when I do, it'll be for me. Good-bye, Chuck.


"Gossip Girl: I Am Number Nine (#5.6)" (2011)
Chuck Bass: I'm not here to apologize about what happened tonight.
Blair Waldorf: Then what are you here to apologize for?
Chuck Bass: Everything else... I'm sorry for losing my temper the night you told me Louis proposed to you... I'm sorry for not waiting longer at the Empire State Building... I'm sorry for treating you like property... And I'm sorry *sigh* I didn't tell you I loved you when I knew I did... Most of all, I'm sorry that I gave up on us, and you never did.
Blair Waldorf: [sighs] Thank you.
[pause]
Blair Waldorf: I hope never giving up on people isn't going to be my downfall.
Chuck Bass: That's why you're going to be an amazing mother. You're always there for the people you love, even when they don't deserve it.


"Gossip Girl: Reversals of Fortune (#3.1)" (2009)
Blair Waldorf: What if we need games? What if without them we're boring?
Chuck Bass: We could never be boring.
Blair Waldorf: You say that, but I know you. You're Chuck Bass.
Chuck Bass: I'm not Chuck Bass without you.


"Gossip Girl: The Last Days of Disco Stick (#3.10)" (2009)
Chuck Bass: I'm Chuck Bass. Even Europeans should know what that means.


"Gossip Girl: Beauty and the Feast (#5.2)" (2011)
Dan Humphrey: You could have died.
Chuck Bass: Is being dead so much worse than being nothing?


"Gossip Girl: Empire of the Son (#4.17)" (2011)
Chuck Bass: [stunned tone] You're lying.
Russell Thorpe: No. Belive me, I wish I was. Because of your late, ruthless, cold-blooded father, my wife is dead.
Chuck Bass: I confronted my father three years ago about the fire when he was alive. He admitted that a security guard died in that factory warehouse fire and that Bart personally compensated the man's wife and family.
Russell Thorpe: Why do you think the security guard was inside the building? He was trying to save my wife. Two weeks before she died, she confided in me that she suspected that Bart Bass was plotting to set one of his own warehouses on fire in order to burn it down since it was only making a moderate profit than a huge profit, and that way he could not only collect a large insurance settlement but also get much more in government tax write-offs. Now do you see the reason of my vendetta against your father? My resolve to destroy his company? No one knows the truth, not even Raina. She thinks her mother left her when she was 10 for another man and that she lives somewhere in Europe under a false name.
Chuck Bass: You blame my father for your wife's death in a fire that was purely an accident. You'd say anything to hurt my father's memory.
Russell Thorpe: Perhaps. But I think you know your father well enough to belive that he was very capable of taking a life... commiting murder for business sake. Well... I'll be leaving back for Chicago tonight. I hope your stepmother enjoys rotting in prison to protect the legacy of the late great Bart Bass.