Jenny Humphrey
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Quotes for
Jenny Humphrey (Character)
from "Gossip Girl" (2007)

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"Gossip Girl: Pilot (#1.1)" (2007)
Jenny Humphrey: So we should just be anonymous losers who eat lunch alone and never get invited to parties?
Dan Humphrey: Works for me.

Chuck Bass: Hi. I'm Chuck
Jenny Humphrey: I know, uhm, I mean, hi I'm Jenny.

Serena van der Woodsen: So, when's the party?
Blair Waldorf: Saturday... and you're kinda not invited. Since, until 12 hours ago, we all thought you were at boarding school. And Jenny used up all the invites.
Jenny Humphrey: Actually... "
Blair Waldorf: You can go now.

Jenny Humphrey: Too bad it's more than our rent. But I think I can sew something like it.

Rufus Humphrey: Guess whos dad is cool!
Jenny Humphrey: It's a trick-question.
Dan Humphrey: Yeah, cos it can't be ours.

Rufus Humphrey: Hey, you made it! Welcome back. How was your weekend? How's your mom?
Jenny Humphrey: She's fine.
Dan Humphrey: She's good.
Jenny Humphrey: Fine and good.
Dan Humphrey: She's good and... fine.
Rufus Humphrey: Like "maybe I never should have left Manhattan" fine or "taking a time-out from my marriage was the best idea I ever had" fine?

Jenny Humphrey: Ah, the invisible man returns.

Rufus Humphrey: [after seeing Jenny all dolled-up for a party] Oh my God! My daughter is a woman!
Jenny Humphrey: [blushing] Dad, you can just tell me I look nice.

"Gossip Girl: Dare Devil (#1.5)" (2007)
Jenny Humphrey: So Eric's here, now it's your turn. Truth or dare?
Blair Waldorf: You have to ask?
Jenny Humphrey: I dare you to make out with that guy.
Blair Waldorf: Easy.
Jenny Humphrey: And mean it.
Blair Waldorf: Watch and learn little Humphrey.
[walks over to kiss the stockbroker guy]
Blair Waldorf: [the friend of the guy says he hopes Amanda doesn't find out]
Blair Waldorf: Who's Amanda?
Club Stockbroker: Just my girlfriend.
Blair Waldorf: Amanda never has to know does she.
Club Stockbroker: I'm not tellin' her!
[laughs with his friends]
Blair Waldorf: Look what I got.
[stole stockbroker's phone]
Blair Waldorf: I dare you to call his girlfriend, her name's Amanda.
Jenny Humphrey: Done and done.
[calls Amanda]
Jenny Humphrey: Hello? Amanda, hi this is Bl... Claire. Yeah, I just had my tongue down your boyfriend's throat and he neglected to tell me you existed until after it was over. Just thought you should know. He's a real catch! Bye.
[the girls laugh]
Blair Waldorf: Alright, sleepover of the year!

Amanda: Where is she?
Club Stockbroker: Baby, what, who, I'm here at the club with the guys.
[walks over to Blair]
Club Stockbroker: Hey! Excuse me, hello? Where's my phone?
Dan Humphrey: Hey, hey let go of her.
Club Stockbroker: Who the hell are you?
Blair Waldorf: His phone is at our table. If you weren't so drunk and drooling over every girl in this place you would've seen that.
Amanda: I'm gonna kill you!
Blair Waldorf: Oh you must be Amanda right? Well I would think twice before marrying him 'cause he's a pig.
[Amanda lunges at Blair but Serena stops her]
Serena van der Woodsen: Hey, hey, hey back off of her okay?
Blair Waldorf: I don't need you to defend me.
Jenny Humphrey: I wasn't even her who called you it was me.
Dan Humphrey: Jenny?
Amanda: So she's the one with the tongue?
Dan Humphrey: Tongue, tongue! What are you even doing here your supposed to be at a sleepover.
Amanda: You made out with a girl from a sleepover?
Dan Humphrey: You made out with him?
Club Stockbroker: I made out with her.
[looks at Blair]
Blair Waldorf: Eww. It was a dare.
Amanda: A dare? What are you children?
Dan Humphrey: Yeah pretty much she's 14.
[looking at Jenny]
Amanda, Club Stockbroker: 14!
[Amanda and stockbroker say in unison]
Club Stockbroker: Jesus I swear, I had no idea baby. I mean look at her, I mean she's jailbangin'.
Dan Humphrey: What, what's that?
Jenny Humphrey: Dan stay out of it okay? Your just causing more problems than your solving.
Dan Humphrey: The only thing causing a problem is the cocktail napkin your wearing.
Club Stockbroker: That's what I'm talkin' about!

Blair Waldorf: What was that I heard? Erik's coming home? It's perfect timing.
Serena van der Woodsen: How so?
Blair Waldorf: Well it gives your mother and brother time to bond alone tonight while you get drunk on schnapps and moon the NYU doors from the limo.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair what are you talking about?
Blair Waldorf: S it's only the most important night of the fall.
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, the sleepover.
Blair Waldorf: I prefer soiree. Sleepover is so sophomore year.
Serena van der Woodsen: Look you know I can't go to that I have that plan.
Blair Waldorf: Serena, when there's a Waldorf soiree, there's nothing else in the social calendar.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair the plan is Dan. Remember the guy you realized who's actually a human being and worthy of your time and attention? No offense.
[in reference to Jenny's brother]
Jenny Humphrey: None taken.
Serena van der Woodsen: Look I'm really sorry but this date is unbreakable. Maybe we can swing by later or something...
Blair Waldorf: I'm not a stop along the way I'm a destination and if you refuse to attend I'm gonna have to find a replacement, girls the waiting list.
Serena van der Woodsen: Ok, um well I should get going.

Blair Waldorf: Little Jenny Humphrey, why didn't I think of you before? You have no plans your coming to the soiree.
Jenny Humphrey: Me, really?
Kati Farkas, Isabel Coates: Her really?
[Kati and Isabel say in unison]
Blair Waldorf: The thing is, if you come, you'll have to be up to a little more than just sleeping.
Jenny Humphrey: I'm up for anything!
Blair Waldorf: My place. Seven o'clock sharp.
Jenny Humphrey: Okay, bye!
Blair Waldorf: Oh, a girl's first sleepover. Something she'll never forget, let's make sure of it.
Harper: Taking bets on how long she lasts.
Maya: Fifty bucks says an hour and not one minute more.

Blair Waldorf: Let's wrap this up shall we. Truth or dare? Oh, and you already used your truth.
Jenny Humphrey: So... dare?
Blair Waldorf: I dare you to jailbreak Erik.
Jenny Humphrey: Blair...
Blair Waldorf: It's perfect. You want in and he wants out. What's it gonna be? Do or die little J.
Jenny Humphrey: Let's do it.

Jenny Humphrey: Catch.
[throws Blair her keys]
Blair Waldorf: Jenny? Well, well looks like you came to play afterall. You know which trundle bed is yours. Sleep tight. You've earned it.
Jenny Humphrey: Actually I'm going home but thanks for inviting me it was a blast.
Blair Waldorf: What do you mean you're going home? Nobody ever leaves a sleepover.
Jenny Humphrey: Well I guess there's a first for everything. Oh and I'm keeping the jacket if that's okay with you. Monday lunch on the steps?
Blair Waldorf: Done and done.

"Gossip Girl: Desperately Seeking Serena (#1.15)" (2008)
Dan Humphrey: I can't concentrate.
Jenny Humphrey: The sound of your own voice annoying you?

Asher Hornsby: [to Jenny] Oh, oh, so sorry. Are you okay?
Jenny Humphrey: Yeah.
Jenny Humphrey: My lunch isn't though.
Asher Hornsby: Uh, let me give you my last dollar.
Jenny Humphrey: Oh, I couldn't. You shouldn't be walking the streets with no money.
Asher Hornsby: Let's just settle for an IOU then.
Jenny Humphrey: It's just a hot dog.

Rufus Humphrey: [to Jenny] You used to cry when I didn't walk you to school.
Jenny Humphrey: That wasn't me. That was Dan.
Dan Humphrey: I was six. It was a very emotional time for me, post T-ball.

Elise Wells: [to Jenny] What are you doing? He's gorgeous.
Jenny Humphrey: He's a dogwalker. I need a king, not a jester.

"Gossip Girl: The Handmaiden's Tale (#1.6)" (2007)
Chuck Bass: Boo.
Jenny Humphrey: Let's play a game.
Chuck Bass: Well I'd say strip poker but I don't have my cards.
Jenny Humphrey: How about hide and seek? You hide, I'll seek.
Chuck Bass: And how will you find me I don't have any bread crumbs.
Jenny Humphrey: Well, you can leave me a trail of your clothes.
Chuck Bass: I have truly died and gone to heaven.

Jenny Humphrey: Well, that's all of it.
Blair Waldorf: Thank you so much I don't know what I would've done without you.
Jenny Humphrey: That's okay, yeah it was fun.
Blair Waldorf: I'm glad. It's all part of your education and it looks like your learning, that's a nice bracelet. Vintage right? The diamonds look real.
Jenny Humphrey: That's cause they sort of are. The man at the store lent it to me.
Blair Waldorf: Why would he do that? Oh, oh sweetie you didn't think you were gonna be able to come tonight right?
Jenny Humphrey: I thought, maybe yeah.
Blair Waldorf: Jenny, freshmans don't get to go to the masked ball it's just tradition.
Jenny Humphrey: No I know, it's just that there were five dresses.
Blair Waldorf: You always need backup. I mean what if I spilled something or a zipper broke.
Jenny Humphrey: Yeah of course I'll, I'll remember that. Have fun tonight.
Blair Waldorf: I will and don't worry your time will come, I promise. Now if you'll excuse me I have to get ready.

Vanessa Abrams: So this Blair girl used you as her slave?
Jenny Humphrey: No, I was her handmaiden.
Vanessa Abrams: Handmaiden is Jane Austen for slave.

"Gossip Girl: Last Tango, Then Paris (#3.22)" (2010)
Jenny Humphrey: I'm trying to forget some things, too. Mostly how happy I thought I'd be once I made it in this world.
Chuck Bass: The world you're looking for only exists from the outside. The only reason I survive in it is because I always knew it was empty.
Jenny Humphrey: Yeah. And now I know, too. I found out the hard way.
Chuck Bass: The hard way is the only way.

Blair Waldorf: [to Jenny] When are you gonna get it? For three years, you've tried to worm your way into our world, but you will never be a part of it no matter what you do. This isn't copycat dressing at Constance or dumping dairy on your best friend to prove a point. Nate and Serena? That's mythic. You don't mess with that and survive. You're hurting people I love. You're hurting people you love.
Jenny Humphrey: I wasn't trying to, I...
Blair Waldorf: Nate loves Serena, Dan loves Vanessa -God knows why-, and chuck loves me. But, you, Jenny? No one loves you, except your daddy. And after what you pulled yesterday, who knows if that's even true anymore?

Dan Humphrey: [after punching Chuck] You tell her!
Blair Waldorf: Tell me what? What's going on?
[realizes what happened between Chuck and Jenny]
Blair Waldorf: You didn't.
Chuck Bass: Blair.
Blair Waldorf: [to Chuck] You did.
[to Jenny]
Blair Waldorf: You! Get out of here now. And not just out of this hospital, but off this island. Go and never come back, because if you ever set foot in Manhattan again, I will know, and I will destroy you.
Jenny Humphrey: Blair, I'm sorry.
Dan Humphrey: You have no reason to be sorry. This begins and ends with Chuck.

"Gossip Girl: All About My Brother (#1.16)" (2008)
Jenny Humphrey: Oh my God, wait, do you have a crush on me or something? Don't be embarrassed, it's totally understandable, and not that unexpected actually. I'm flattered, it's just, my heart belongs to Asher. I've gotta go, but text me, okay?

Blair Waldorf: My, my. If it isn't Little J, risen from the ashes.
Jenny Humphrey: I came to tell you in person. You win
Blair Waldorf: Oh sweetie, we just started to play.
Jenny Humphrey: No, you don't understand. I'm done. With you, with them. All of it.
Blair Waldorf: Just like that, you wave the white flag.
Jenny Humphrey: I lied. And I stole. And I lost the respect of my family. For what? So I can be like you? You asked me before if it was all worth it. And my answer is: It's not.
Blair Waldorf: I tried to warn you. There's a price to pay. I always knew a girl like you couldn't afford it.
Jenny Humphrey: Well, you were right.

Blair Waldorf: My, my, if it isn't little J risen from the ashes.
Jenny Humphrey: I came to tell you in person. You win.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, sweetie, we just started to play.
Jenny Humphrey: No, you don't understand. I'm done. With you, with them, with all of it.
Blair Waldorf: Just like that? You wave the white flag.
Jenny Humphrey: I lied, and I stole, and I lost the respect of my family, for what? So I can be like you? You asked me before if it was all worth it. And my answer is it's not.
Blair Waldorf: I tried to warn you. There's a price to pay. I always knew a girl like you couldn't afford it.
Jenny Humphrey: Well you were right.
Blair Waldorf: Well you put up a good fight... for a freshman.
Jenny Humphrey: Thanks.
Blair Waldorf: Hope you don't expect a hug.
Jenny Humphrey: I don't expect anything anymore.

"Gossip Girl: A Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate (#1.13)" (2008)
Penelope: Hey Jenny.
Jenny Humphrey: Hi.
Hazel: Are you joining us?
Jenny Humphrey: Um...
[Blair walks up]
Blair Waldorf: What are you doing here?
Jenny Humphrey: I was just leaving.
Penelope: No stay. Blair given you can barely manage your own messy affairs surely your not in a position to tell anyone where they can and can't eat.
Blair Waldorf: Do you realize who you're talking to?
Hazel: You mean a self righteous b who always sat on her own high horse judging everyone else.
Penelope: Pregnant little hypocrite.
Blair Waldorf: Not that it's any of your business but I'm not pregnant.
Hazel: Nate must be thrilled.
Penelope: Chuck too.
Blair Waldorf: What are you talking about?
Hazel: The whole school saw them throwing down over your G-bass.
Penelope: The boyfriend and the best friend.
Hazel: Pretty classy.
Penelope: Consider yourself dethroned queen bee.
[Penelope and Hazel walk away]
Blair Waldorf: Jenny, is highly unlikely that I will ever forgive you for going to Nate but if you walk away from me now, I will also ruin you.
Jenny Humphrey: How are you gonna do that?
[Jenny walks off]

Blair Waldorf: You're late.
[Jenny just came to meet Blair on the steps on the Met]
Jenny Humphrey: Yeah I know I had to drop off some books at the library, sorry.
Blair Waldorf: Could you do me a favor?
Jenny Humphrey: Anything.
Blair Waldorf: Move down a couple steps.
Jenny Humphrey: Ya know this whole hazing thing's getting a bit old don't you think be?
Blair Waldorf: First of all the hazing stops when I say it stops and for future reference only my friends call me B.
Jenny Humphrey: You know I'm actually gonna go. I have a lot of stuff to do before class.
Penelope: Jenny...
Blair Waldorf: Please she'll be back.

"Gossip Girl: Blair Waldorf Must Pie! (#1.9)" (2007)
Serena van der Woodsen: Mom is such a hypocrite and all these years she's been writing me about my behavior.
Eric van der Woodsen: And here she's just mad at you for being her.
Dan Humphrey: And all the time my dad has given me this advice based on this girl he dated, this girl a lot like Serena.
Jenny Humphrey: It's her mom.
Blair Waldorf: When you think about it, it makes total sense that your mom was a groupie. I mean only a woman that had completely satisfied her sexual appetite in her youth would ever marry your step-dads.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair can we not talk about my mom's appetite?
Dan Humphrey: Yeah, or, or who satisfied them.
Serena van der Woodsen: It's just...
Dan Humphrey: So...
Jenny Humphrey, Eric van der Woodsen: Gross!
[Jenny and Eric say in unison]
Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah!
Jenny Humphrey: No...

Serena van der Woodsen: Mom is such a hypocrite. And all these years, she's been riding me about my behavior.
Eric van der Woodsen: And here, she's just mad at you for being her.
Dan Humphrey: And all this time my dad has been giving me advice based on a girl he dated... a girl "a lot like Serena."
Jenny Humphrey: Her mom.
Blair Waldorf: If you think about it, it makes total sense that your mom was a groupie. I mean, only a woman that had completely satisfied her sexual appetite in her youth would ever marry your step dads.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair, can we not talk about my mom's appetite?
Dan Humphrey: No, or who satisfied her.
Serena van der Woodsen: That's just...
Serena van der Woodsen, Eric van der Woodsen, Dan Humphrey, Jenny Humphrey: Gross!

"Gossip Girl: Poison Ivy (#1.3)" (2007)
Dan Humphrey: You're not helping.
Jenny Humphrey: Not trying to help.

Jenny Humphrey: We're Humphreys' Dad. Not exactly royalty uptown.
Rufus Humphrey: You okay with that?
Jenny Humphrey: No, but I'm used to it.

"Gossip Girl: Victor/Victrola (#1.7)" (2007)
Nate Archibald: Oh, Serena right?
Jenny Humphrey: That's funny.
Nate Archibald: Not really, no.
Jenny Humphrey: No. Uh what are you doing in the girls hall?
Nate Archibald: I was actually looking for you. Ya know I really didn't mean anything I said about having feelings for Serena.
Jenny Humphrey: Maybe you didn't. I just... I mean... I don't even care but other people might.
Nate Archibald: Yeah I know.
Jenny Humphrey: Yeah I know including my brother.
[Nate starts to give her chocolates]
Jenny Humphrey: You bought me chocolates?
Nate Archibald: Well, I know you care about being friends with Blair and your brother, he's with Serena, and I'm with Blair, and I just really need you to help me out here, you promise?
Blair Waldorf: Promise what?
Nate Archibald: Uh, promise to help me come up with a more creative apology than these. I'm sorry for taking you for granted lately, okay.
[Gives Blair the chocolates he was giving Jenny]
Blair Waldorf: That is so sweet. I mean i prefer the gold collection but thank you.
[Jenny starts to leave]
Blair Waldorf: Hey Cinderella, I think you dropped this at the ball.
[holds up the bracelet]
Blair Waldorf: I hate secrets more than anything, you know that. Friends don't lie and we're friends, right?
Jenny Humphrey: Right.

Jenny Humphrey: Thanks for helping me out with the bracelet. I didn't know broken glass could cost that much.
Blair Waldorf: Well, it was my pleasure. Oh, wait, no, it wasn't. Game recognizes game little J but you have to show more respect. This is the last time I've helped you, next time you cross me I won't be as forgiving.
Jenny Humphrey: Don't worry there won't be a next time.
Blair Waldorf: Good, cause I wanna tell you something. Something nobody knows, not even Serena. You can keep a secret right?
Jenny Humphrey: Of course.
Blair Waldorf: Nate is planning on giving me his family diamond. It's the most incredible ring you've ever seen.
Jenny Humphrey: Uh, ring, as in engagement ring?
Blair Waldorf: I remember the first time I ever saw him. Maybe we were just little kids but I knew, he's the one I wanna marry, and now it seems like he feels the same way too.
[Jenny just stands there and doesn't say anything]
Blair Waldorf: Why are you not happy for me?
Jenny Humphrey: I'm sorry it's, it's just been a really weird week, um there's this stuff with my parents and my family so maybe I should just go.
Blair Waldorf: No maybe you should look at me in the eye and tell me what you're hiding. Are you jealous?
Jenny Humphrey: Of you and Nate?
Blair Waldorf: Do you like him?
Jenny Humphrey: Uh, no.
Blair Waldorf: You think cause you talked to him once in the hall you might have a shot?
Jenny Humphrey: Blair, it's nothing like that.
Blair Waldorf: Then tell me what is it like?
Jenny Humphrey: I don't wanna hurt you.
Blair Waldorf: How could you hurt me?
Jenny Humphrey: Yesterday wasn't the first time I talked to Nate. At the ball he told me he wasn't over Serena.
Blair Waldorf: Why would he tell you that?
Jenny Humphrey: Because I was wearing her mask and he thought I was her - he kissed me.
Blair Waldorf: That's enough.
Jenny Humphrey: Blair... I didn't want you to find out.
Blair Waldorf: Your dismissed Jenny, for good.
Jenny Humphrey: [Jenny leaves]

"Gossip Girl: The Witches of Bushwick (#4.9)" (2010)
Juliet Sharp: I should have known that taking down Serena involved wearing the perfect dress.
Jenny Humphrey: Well, any time I can combine style with revenge. Plus, this isn't exactly my first masquerade party.
Juliet Sharp: I'll see you inside.

"Gossip Girl: Gone with the Will (#2.15)" (2009)
Jenny Humphrey: [to Jonathan and Eric] Oh, did you guys know that you have matching backpacks? It's so cute.

"Gossip Girl: Remains of the J (#2.20)" (2009)
Jenny Humphrey: You know at least last year it was my face on the cake. And the people at my party might've hated me, but at least they knew who I was. I know that it's hard for you guys to understand, but I like being me and as crazy as it may seem, I choose not to be a Park Avenue Princess on my birthday or any other day.

"Gossip Girl: The Wild Brunch (#1.2)" (2007)
Jenny Humphrey: [encouraging Dan to talk to Serena] You have nothing to lose.
Dan Humphrey: No, nothing except my last shred of dignity.
Jenny Humphrey: Oh no, I think that's gone.

"Gossip Girl: Dr. Estrangeloved (#3.19)" (2010)
Dan Humphrey: [to Jenny] Hey, Jenny! Jenny! Please tell me what you're doing here, starting with "Dad knows", and ending with "these drinks are not for me."
Jenny Humphrey: Since I haven't actually talked to Dad today, no. But these drinks are for Nate and Chuck.
Dan Humphrey: What are you doing with Nate and Chuck?
Jenny Humphrey: Well, Nate's my friend, and Chuck's totally harmless unless this place runs out of ice.

"Gossip Girl: You've Got Yale! (#2.16)" (2009)
Eric van der Woodsen: It reaches a high F. That never happens in operas. You know, that's a good fact. You should talk about it in intermission. You're gonna love The Magic Flute it's uhh... well it's...
Jenny Humphrey: It's okay. You can say it.
Eric van der Woodsen: Opera for amateurs.

"Gossip Girl: The Ex-Files (#2.4)" (2008)
Jenny Humphrey: I'm talking about you and Lil' Miss Hannah Montana on Gossip Girl.

"Gossip Girl: Ex-Husbands and Wives (#3.21)" (2010)
Chuck Bass: [on the phone with Jenny] And why are you whispering? If it's a seduction technique, don't bother.
Jenny Humphrey: Ew. You wish.

"Gossip Girl: Pret-a-Poor-J (#2.8)" (2008)
Eleanor Waldorf: You are lucky I don't fire you this minute.
Jenny Humphrey: Oh, you are lucky that I don't just quit!