Dan Humphrey
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Quotes for
Dan Humphrey (Character)
from "Gossip Girl" (2007)

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"Gossip Girl: Gone Maybe Gone (#6.1)" (2012)
Blair Waldorf: What... Where are you going, and what are you doing with her?
Dan Humphrey: Probably the same thing you're doing with him.
[points to Chuck]
Blair Waldorf: Saving Serena.
Georgina Sparks: No. Finding Serena, and since you're going to follow us, I'm going to have to ask you to follow my lead as well.
Chuck Bass: Which is what, exactly?
Georgina Sparks: Do nothing. Whatever Serena is doing, we can't get involved. We're gonna observe and record. Like a documentary.
Blair Waldorf: This isn't a reality show, Sparks, this is reality! A concept I know you're a little fuzzy on. So whatever filth-filled pain huffing meth dump we find Serena cracked out in, we don't judge.
Nate Archibald: We're still her friends, no matter what.
Chuck Bass: We're her family.
Georgina Sparks: Oh, aren't you just the kindest, sweetest, trust worthiest babies in the whole world. And when it comes to what Serena's capable of, I think you'll find it's nothing you'd imagine.
Dan Humphrey: Can't argue with you there.
[they find a big fancy house, practically a palace]

Serena van der Woodsen: What the hell are you doing here?
Blair Waldorf: Uh... Looking for you!
Georgina Sparks: To observe and record.
Nate Archibald: No, we're here to help you.
Chuck Bass: And get you home.
Dan Humphrey: And, uh, I don't even know what I'm doing here.
[Georgina and Blair punches him on his chest]

Serena van der Woodsen: Please leave before it's too late.
Steven: Sabrina!
Blair Waldorf: [caught off-guard] Sabrina?
Serena van der Woodsen: Too late.
Steven: Sabrina, you didn't tell me you invited friends...
Serena van der Woodsen: Mm...
Blair Waldorf: That is so Sabrina.
Nate Archibald: She loves surprises.
Dan Humphrey: She has so many surprises you could write a book about them.

Georgina Sparks: She's obviously had a psychotic break. Serena's been taking too many happy pills, and now she thinks she is Sabrina from Dan's book.
Dan Humphrey: That actually sounds vaguely possible.
Georgina Sparks: Or, today is the day of the cult sacrifice, and since I don't see any volcano scenario, I wonder if they're burning her at the stake.
Dan Humphrey: And then you lost me.

Dan Humphrey: [to Serena] Really? Wisconsin? Do you even know where that is on the map?

Blair Waldorf: I am with him! Or at least I will be. We made a pact. We have things we need to do on our own. And when we're both in that next place, we will be together. For good. End of story.
Dan Humphrey: So I didn't lose you to Chuck, I lost you to the idea of Chuck? At some point in hopefully not too distant future, maybe...?
Blair Waldorf: Well, when you put it that way...
Dan Humphrey: Blair, you had someone who loved you unconditionally, treated you right. I wanted to be with you every day, and you threw all that away! Until that Chuck Bass decides that he is ready for you? You think that you two have an epic love, but all you have are excuses.
Blair Waldorf: [on the urge of crying] I have to go find Serena.
[leaves Dan, who looks hurt and beaten]


"Gossip Girl: The Wild Brunch (#1.2)" (2007)
Blair Waldorf: Dan? Hi I'm Blair Waldorf, Serena's friend.
Dan Humphrey: Oh, hey yeah do you happen to know where she is?
Blair Waldorf: As a matter of fact I do.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair.
Dan Humphrey: Serena there you are, where were you?
Blair Waldorf: She was waiting in a hotel room, for my boyfriend.
Serena van der Woodsen: To talk.
Nate Archibald: About why we weren't talking.
Blair Waldorf: That doesn't sound any smarter the second time.
Dan Humphrey: Why weren't you talking?
[pause]
Dan Humphrey: Does this have anything to do with why you were waiting for Serena this morning?
Blair Waldorf: You were what?
Chuck Bass: And here I thought you were waiting for me.
Dan Humphrey: Oh exactly what this situation needs, Chuck.
Dan Humphrey: Now what is going on here?
Blair Waldorf: We were just getting to that.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair please. Don't do this.
Blair Waldorf: Sorry. Do you, wanna tell him?
Chuck Bass: I'll tell him.
Blair Waldorf, Nate Archibald: [Blair and Nate say in unison] You know?
Chuck Bass: I know everthing.
Dan Humphrey: And apparently I know nothing.
Serena van der Woodsen: Look Dan, it, it was a long time ago and I regret it but...
Chuck Bass: Serena stop trying to pretend like your a good girl. So you slept with your best friend's boyfriend, I kind of admire you for it.
Dan Humphrey: Is that true?
Blair Waldorf: Well, then she ran away and lied about it. I just thought you should know before you fall head over heels for your perfect girl in her perfect world and then get left all alone but no one but your cabbage patch kid.

Dan Humphrey: [the morning after his date with Serena] I've waited my entire adolescent life for a date with this girl and I decide to close the evening with a wave.

Dan Humphrey: [to Lily van der Woodsen] I hope you've had a pleasant, uh...
[checking his watch]
Dan Humphrey: 21 hours since I last saw you.

Jenny Humphrey: [encouraging Dan to talk to Serena] You have nothing to lose.
Dan Humphrey: No, nothing except my last shred of dignity.
Jenny Humphrey: Oh no, I think that's gone.

Dan Humphrey: [waiting for Serena in the hotel lobby] She probably won't be that long, right?
Concierge: Once she went out and didn't come home for six months, but feel free to sit.

Chuck Bass: [furious] What are you doing here?
Dan Humphrey: [trying to be cool] Why, what is this? Your hotel?
Nate Archibald: Actually, it is.


"Gossip Girl: Pilot (#1.1)" (2007)
Dan Humphrey: You really wanna go out with some guy you don't know?
Serena van der Woodsen: Well you can't be any worse than the guys I do know.

Dan Humphrey: I don't read Gossip Girl. That's for chicks.

Jenny Humphrey: So we should just be anonymous losers who eat lunch alone and never get invited to parties?
Dan Humphrey: Works for me.

Chuck Bass: Do you following us or something?
Dan Humphrey: No, I, I, go to your school. Identical uniforms? That kind of a tip off?
Nate Archibald: That's funny.
Dan Humphrey: So... you guys wanna sit together at lunch?

Rufus Humphrey: Guess whos dad is cool!
Jenny Humphrey: It's a trick-question.
Dan Humphrey: Yeah, cos it can't be ours.

Rufus Humphrey: Hey, you made it! Welcome back. How was your weekend? How's your mom?
Jenny Humphrey: She's fine.
Dan Humphrey: She's good.
Jenny Humphrey: Fine and good.
Dan Humphrey: She's good and... fine.
Rufus Humphrey: Like "maybe I never should have left Manhattan" fine or "taking a time-out from my marriage was the best idea I ever had" fine?


"Gossip Girl: Desperately Seeking Serena (#1.15)" (2008)
Serena van der Woodsen: [covers Dan's eyes and kisses him]
Dan Humphrey: Oh, Chuck, I had no idea you felt that way about me!

Dan Humphrey: Hey I've been wondering where you were.
Chuck Bass: You mean all of your life.
Dan Humphrey: Don't take this the wrong way Serena but you sound just like this jackass we know.
Chuck Bass: Serena has food poisoning. She's too sick to come to your play date.
Dan Humphrey: Put her on the phone.
Chuck Bass: The bathroom doesn't get reception.
Dan Humphrey: Somehow I don't believe you.
Chuck Bass: And I would like to say I'm a little glad about that but my poor sick sister has asked for my assistance in the matter, so I'll leave it at this, she's not coming. Humphrey, always a pleasure.

[Serena covers Dan's eyes and kisses him]
Dan Humphrey: Oh Chuck, I had no idea you felt like that about me.

[the Palace Hotel calls Dan's cell]
Dan Humphrey: Hey, I've been wondering where you were.
Chuck Bass: You mean all your life?

Dan Humphrey: I can't concentrate.
Jenny Humphrey: The sound of your own voice annoying you?

Rufus Humphrey: [to Jenny] You used to cry when I didn't walk you to school.
Jenny Humphrey: That wasn't me. That was Dan.
Dan Humphrey: I was six. It was a very emotional time for me, post T-ball.


"Gossip Girl: School Lies (#1.12)" (2008)
Serena van der Woodsen: So you don't buy what she said about me being the poster child for the new honor code? Look. I know for a fact that my mom didn't plead my case or donate anything, okay?
Dan Humphrey: I didn't say a thing.
Serena van der Woodsen: Are you really turning this into an upstairs-downstairs thing?
Dan Humphrey: No. No, you are. I am being completely silent. I'm just happy that you're not being expelled or leaving town anytime soon. So are you hungry? We should...
Serena van der Woodsen: Always. But you still believe that there's a double standard. That people like me get special treatment.
Serena's Chauffeur: Ms. Van Der Woodsen. Your mother sent me to pick you up.
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh. Great. That was... thoughtful.
Dan Humphrey: I think... you get no special treatment at all. Your life is completely uncharmed and average.
Serena van der Woodsen: [to the limo driver] It's okay, I'll walk.

Chuck Bass: What ever happened to don't speak until spoken to?
Dan Humphrey: I just saw you with that key, I know you had it at the party.
Chuck Bass: Poor little Humprey-Dumpty. Look, regardless of who you're currently sleeping with, you and I come from different worlds.

Headmistress Queller: Dating Serena Van Der Woodsen...
Dan Humphrey: Is that in my file?

Dan Humphrey: [as Serena covers his eyes and kisses him] Oh, Chuck, I had no idea you felt that way about me.

Blair Waldorf: [Chuck grabs Blair's arm] Hey let go of me Bass!
Chuck Bass: Drop your Archibald habit first.
Blair Waldorf: You know I already have.
Chuck Bass: Really? A kiss does sort of send the wrong signal, let's not waste time denying.
Blair Waldorf: You know what, I'm tired of this go ahead and tell him.
Chuck Bass: Really, you want me to tell him how you slept with me and faked your virginity for him.
Blair Waldorf: I'll just tell him your lying and who do you think he'll believe? You who bangs anything in his field of vision or me his pure and honest girlfriend of many years.
Chuck Bass: Oh now he'll believe me.
Blair Waldorf: Why?
Chuck Bass: I have proof.
[Vanessa had filmed them on camera]
Chuck Bass: Good eye docu-girl I'll take the tape now.
Blair Waldorf: You knew she was watching? This is my house that tape belongs to me.
Vanessa Abrams: Actually this is my footage and thanks to both of you I think I got a new angle on my subject.
Dan Humphrey: [Dan walks up] Hey Vanessa let's get out of here.
Chuck Bass: If you think I'm gonna let you walk out of here without that tape your crazy!
[he grabs Vanessa's arm agressively]
Vanessa Abrams: Let go of me!
Dan Humphrey: Hey! Last time I checked I still owe you a black eye so unless this is you coming to claim it, stay away from her.


"Gossip Girl: Pret-a-Poor-J (#2.8)" (2008)
Serena van der Woodsen: Hey, hey, do you know what happened? Why is Blair so upset?
Dan Humphrey: Look, Blair and Chuck were gonna self destruct at some point so I just may have helped it along.
Serena van der Woodsen: Wait, you intentionally sabotaged Blair?
Dan Humphrey: I know you're upset and that was not my intention but I just found out they completely screwed over Vanessa.
Serena van der Woodsen: No, whatever they did to Vanessa is different. This is about two people who love each other.
Dan Humphrey: Blair and Chuck? Come on.
Serena van der Woodsen: I don't understand, I thought you wanted to help Blair.
Dan Humphrey: No I did this for you because you wanted me to help her. I don't care about Blair Waldorf, all of this is a game to her.
Serena van der Woodsen: No, in this case it's not. Blair loves Chuck, she's just been to scared to admit it.

Dan Humphrey: You and Chuck have been toying with each other forever so, you didn't win this one. You ever think maybe you should just let it go?
Blair Waldorf: This is different.
Dan Humphrey: Why?
[Dan looks at Blair]
Dan Humphrey: Do, do you love him?
[Blair gives him an approving look]
Dan Humphrey: Wow, someone loves Chuck Bass.
Blair Waldorf: I don't know, I just... I don't understand how it got to this place.
Dan Humphrey: Ya know the first time that I told Serena I loved her, it was terrifying. I've never felt so exposed. But the feeling I got when she said it back to me was probably the single greatest moment of my life.
Blair Waldorf: But you broke up.
Dan Humphrey: Doesn't mean I wouldn't do it all over again.
Blair Waldorf: If I say it, he wins and if he wins, then I'll just... be another girl to him.
Dan Humphrey: You don't know that's true. You have to decide whats most important to you. Keeping your pride and getting nothing or taking a risk and maybe, maybe having everything.

Dan Humphrey: Blair Waldorf in Brooklyn. Are you two lost?
Serena van der Woodsen: Will you talk to her please?
Blair Waldorf: There's nothing to talk about, I told you it's over.
Serena van der Woodsen: She stopped listening to me, maybe she'll listen to you
Dan Humphrey: Um, sure.
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm gonna go check out the art - in the art gallery. Talk.
[Serena walks off]

Blair Waldorf: You have to help me destroy Chuck Bass.
Dan Humphrey: Alright I'll take that as my cue to leave.
Blair Waldorf: Oh your very perceptive.
[Dan starts to leave but Serena stops him]
Serena van der Woodsen: Dan wait.
[starts talking to Blair]
Serena van der Woodsen: If your having a problem with Chuck then a man's perspective could be helpful.
Blair Waldorf: Ya know just because you two are making a doomed attempt to being friends doesn't mean I have to play the enabler.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair come on.
Dan Humphrey: Well if your plotting against Chuck Bass then I'm sure I can think of something.
Blair Waldorf: Fine. I have an itch that only Chuck can scratch and he won't oblige unless I tell him I love him.
Dan Humphrey: You need help getting Chuck to sleep with you, really?

Dan Humphrey: Someone loves Chuck Bass?


"Gossip Girl: The Wrong Goodbye (#4.22)" (2011)
Vanessa Abrams: [into her cell phone] Hey, Dan.
Dan Humphrey: [into his phone] Are you okay? I didn't hear from you when you got in. Is Charlie there?
Vanessa Abrams: No, she isn't. I got caught up. I found your book. "Inside by Daniel Humphrey". It's incredible!
Dan Humphrey: You went through my stuff? Vanessa, you had no right to do that!
Vanessa Abrams: I know. I'm sorry. It was just lying there on your desk so I read it. This has got to be best satire about the Upper East Side since Bonfire of the Vanities. How long have you been working on this?
Dan Humphrey: Five years... off and on. Now, put it back where you found it and we can forget you ever found it.
Vanessa Abrams: I always thought Serena was the reason you fell into the Upper East Side. But after reading this... it was more then that.
Dan Humphrey: Vanessa, seriously... this is none of your business.
Vanessa Abrams: You always wanted in... maybe more then Jenny.
Dan Humphrey: [sighs] Of course the irony of it is that if I now ever show it to anyone it will permanently guarantee my outsider status forever.
Vanessa Abrams: Dan, you know as well as I do that you are, and always will be, an outsider to that drama-filled, scandalous, upper class, snobbish high society life just like me. You can't be an insider and make great art. You have to stand alone to observe it and you must not care who's feelings you hurt or what people will think of you.
Dan Humphrey: Those people are my friends. My best friends, now. My family.
Vanessa Abrams: Those "people" were never your friends. They use people just like you describe in your book. It's not like they come across worse then you do. And there's a certain someone who might like how she's painted in your book and I'm not talking about Serena. Get it published. Take a stand. Be a great man instead of always being a good boy.
[Dan's phone beeps with a text message which reads "I found Charlie"]
Dan Humphrey: Serena found Charlie. I need to go. Put the book back and get out of my room... and my life.
Vanessa Abrams: Dan, this is important! We need to talk about this. Don't just drop everything and run off to help them. Meet me at the loft or someplace tonight where we can talk.
Dan Humphrey: Good bye, Vanessa! Don't ever call, write, or visit me or my friends or family ever again!
Vanessa Abrams: When are you going to realize that you are a better person until the day you asked Serena out four years ago?
Dan Humphrey: When are you going to realize that I had better life until the day you climbed up my fire escape and interrupted me and Serena four years ago? Good bye, and good riddens!
[Dan hangs up. Vanessa, teeming with anger, takes his manuscript and exits the loft with it]

Dan Humphrey: Hey, what are you doing up here?
Nate Archibald: Meeting Serena. You too?
Dan Humphrey: Why do I feel like we've been here before.

Dan Humphrey: So you're really getting married, huh?
Blair Waldorf: Yes, and you're actually going to be invited. I bet you never thought you'd get to go to a royal wedding.
Dan Humphrey: Only my own. Do you think you could introduce me to Charlotte Casiraghi? Listen, if the castle gets lonely, um, you want to watch a movie with a friend?
Blair Waldorf: I already copied your queue. Our e-mail discourse begins Monday with Hal Ashby's The Landlord. And we'll take it from there.

Ivy: I really did like you.
Dan Humphrey: I really did like you too.


"Gossip Girl: You've Got Yale! (#2.16)" (2009)
Serena van der Woodsen: I wasn't supposed to say anything, but you are going to Yale. You got in. In early admission.
Blair Waldorf: What?
Dan Humphrey: How do you know that?
Serena van der Woodsen: Because I declined my acceptance. You're next in line. They're gonna call you in a couple of hours.
Dan Humphrey: Whoa. You got in.
Blair Waldorf: You're the Constance student?
[Turns to minions]
Blair Waldorf: Cancel the Nelly Yuki project now!

Nate Archibald: [about Vanessa] I saw a DVD of 'The Ring Cycle' at her house and I figured she might like some champagne in my family's box.
Dan Humphrey: Yeah, that's good, that's good. Don't tell her you saw that DVD though, because I pointed it out once and she made me watch the whole thing with no sub-titles. If you've ever seen "A Clockwork Orange" then you know how that ended up.
Nate Archibald: What's a clockwork orange?

Dan Humphrey: [to Serena] Yale day. I thought we could walk to school together for support. I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason. I'll end up in the right place. But what if I don't get in?
Serena van der Woodsen: Forget you. What if I do and Blair doesn't?
Dan Humphrey: Fire and brimstone, a lot of bitchy asides. Death by Dorota.

Dan Humphrey: That's Miss Carr? I guess she has Benjamin Button syndrome.


"Gossip Girl: All About My Brother (#1.16)" (2008)
Serena van der Woodsen: What's wrong? You look stressed, even for you.
Dan Humphrey: I'm still worried about Jenny.
Blair Waldorf: You mean because she's self-obsessed, self-serving, self-centered, self...
Dan Humphrey: No, no. I wish it was about her, and her self, but it's more about... who she's with. I can't get through to her. I tried, and she just completely blew me off. And she dissed my pants.
Blair Waldorf: Maybe I underestimated her.

Rufus Humphrey: [looking at the Scrabble board] Angry. Change. Trust. Girl.
[looks at Dan]
Rufus Humphrey: Something you wanna talk about?
Dan Humphrey: Who'd have thought Scrabble could be so therapeutic? That last one was a triple word score.

Vanessa Abrams: Give her a break, Asher is her first love.
Dan Humphrey: It's infatuation, it's not love.
Georgina Sparks: Yeah, but to a 15-year-old girl I mean, there really isn't much of a difference.

Blair Waldorf: Dan Humphrey, just who I hate to admit I was looking for. Your dirty.
Dan Humphrey: What are you talking about?
Blair Waldorf: Cheating, drinking, drugs, it's all fair game, but outing your sister's boyfriend is dark. How did squeaky clean Humphrey ever come up with that?
Dan Humphrey: I didn't come up with anything.
Blair Waldorf: Oh my god, you know something spill it.
Dan Humphrey: Yeah I might have seen Asher kissing another guy.
Blair Waldorf: So it's true. Who was he kissing?
Dan Humphrey: I dunno I couldn't see but what does that even matter?
Blair Waldorf: Right now Gossip Girl's credibility is the same as tensing mortifies after a few martinis, but if I can prove that his simplicity is more than just a rumor, then they'll break up. That's what you want isn't it?
Dan Humphrey: Well yeah I guess.
Blair Waldorf: Asher's just using your sister as a cover. It's your brotherly duty to save her before becoming the next Katie Holmes.
Dan Humphrey: And your in this to help Jenny?
Blair Waldorf: Motive is irrelevant as long as our in game is the same.
Dan Humphrey: No Blair this is not a game to me okay. I don't want her to get hurt.
Blair Waldorf: Well you should've thought that through before you told all of Manhattan that Jenny's a glorified hag.
Dan Humphrey: You know what your on your own.
Blair Waldorf: Suit yourself.


"Gossip Girl: Dare Devil (#1.5)" (2007)
Dan Humphrey: If it's a real Dan Humphrey date you want, it's a real Dan Humphrey date you're gonna get

Dan Humphrey: [after seeing his little sister in a minidress at a club] The only thing causing a problem is that cocktail napkin you're wearing.

Amanda: Where is she?
Club Stockbroker: Baby, what, who, I'm here at the club with the guys.
[walks over to Blair]
Club Stockbroker: Hey! Excuse me, hello? Where's my phone?
Dan Humphrey: Hey, hey let go of her.
Club Stockbroker: Who the hell are you?
Blair Waldorf: His phone is at our table. If you weren't so drunk and drooling over every girl in this place you would've seen that.
Amanda: I'm gonna kill you!
Blair Waldorf: Oh you must be Amanda right? Well I would think twice before marrying him 'cause he's a pig.
[Amanda lunges at Blair but Serena stops her]
Serena van der Woodsen: Hey, hey, hey back off of her okay?
Blair Waldorf: I don't need you to defend me.
Jenny Humphrey: I wasn't even her who called you it was me.
Dan Humphrey: Jenny?
Amanda: So she's the one with the tongue?
Dan Humphrey: Tongue, tongue! What are you even doing here your supposed to be at a sleepover.
Amanda: You made out with a girl from a sleepover?
Dan Humphrey: You made out with him?
Club Stockbroker: I made out with her.
[looks at Blair]
Blair Waldorf: Eww. It was a dare.
Amanda: A dare? What are you children?
Dan Humphrey: Yeah pretty much she's 14.
[looking at Jenny]
Amanda, Club Stockbroker: 14!
[Amanda and stockbroker say in unison]
Club Stockbroker: Jesus I swear, I had no idea baby. I mean look at her, I mean she's jailbangin'.
Dan Humphrey: What, what's that?
Jenny Humphrey: Dan stay out of it okay? Your just causing more problems than your solving.
Dan Humphrey: The only thing causing a problem is the cocktail napkin your wearing.
Club Stockbroker: That's what I'm talkin' about!

Dan Humphrey: How long can a man have a piggy bank and still call himself a man?


"Gossip Girl: Beauty and the Feast (#5.2)" (2011)
Dan Humphrey: You could have died.
Chuck Bass: Is being dead so much worse than being nothing?

Dan Humphrey: [to Chuck] How about instead of pain, you try to feel good things? I could tickle you.

Dan Humphrey: Even Blair Waldorf cannot bend DNA to her will.

[last lines]
Blair Waldorf: I don't wanna lose everything.
Dan Humphrey: You'll still have me.
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Maybe it's not bloodbonds that make us a family. Perhaps it's the people who know our secrets and love us anyway, so we can finally be ourselves. XO, XO, Gossip Girl.


"Gossip Girl: While You Weren't Sleeping (#4.16)" (2011)
Dan Humphrey: Sure you're not ready to admit you need my help?
Blair Waldorf: Never! No, never isn't what he transitioned Spain into, it's modernism and don't get caught talking during a test.
Dan Humphrey: When was the last time you slept?
Blair Waldorf: Sleep is for the weak. And speaking of which, don't act like I don't know why you're really here. It's because you're avoiding Ben and Serena at the loft.
Dan Humphrey: No, I'm waiting for you to crack.

Dan Humphrey: Now, what's so urgent?
Blair Waldorf: I wanted to tell you... that you were right... about that... thing.
Dan Humphrey: And now, which thing was that?
Blair Waldorf: I, Blair Waldorf, need Dan Humphrey's help.
Dan Humphrey: As a friend and peer, not as an underling.
Blair Waldorf: [mumbling] As my friend and peer, not my underling.
[Dan mocks Blair by aping after her, mumbling and tilting his head]

Dan Humphrey: What are you doing here? This is Serena's brother's birthday party. It's not okay for you to just show up here unannounced and uninvited since you are no longer welcome here.
Vanessa Abrams: All I want to do is apologize to you for the part I played in what happened with Serena. I had no idea that was Juliet's plan. You know me, Dan. I would never be okay with things going that far.
Dan Humphrey: That's what my sister said to me before she came clean. You, on the other hand, pointed the finger at her and left town. Your apology is NOT accepted!
Vanessa Abrams: Wow. I guess now I can never come back here. Not even with you. My mother was right. You really have become corrupted by this high society elite lifestyle. I'm leaving.
Dan Humphrey: Good! I'm not going to chase after you this time, Vanessa.
Vanessa Abrams: And I wouldn't stop for you if you did! Juliet said a lot of things but she was right about one of them. I'm an outsider around here, and always will be.


"Gossip Girl: Bad News Blair (#1.4)" (2007)
Dan Humphrey: I don't know about Serena, Dad. I can't tell if she's worth it.
Rufus Humphrey: What do you mean?
Dan Humphrey: Well, uh, she's best friends with this girl, Blair Waldorf, who is basically everything I hate about the Upper East Side distilled into one 95-pound, doe-eyed, bonmot-tossing, label-whoring package of girly evil.
Rufus Humphrey: [chuckling] No one's that bad.
Dan Humphrey: She is. I would barely be exaggerating if I told you Medusa wants her withering glare back.

Blair Waldorf: Serena sent you here to talk to me?
Dan Humphrey: No believe it or not I actually came here myself.
Blair Waldorf: Normally I wouldn't be this close to you without a tetanus shot.

Serena van der Woodsen: [after Blair answered her phone and mocked Dan] I'm so, so sorry about that.
Dan Humphrey: And I'm so, so ready to hang up.


"Gossip Girl: Woman on the Verge (#1.17)" (2008)
Dan Humphrey: Wait, don't you all hate each other?
Blair Waldorf: Yes.
Nate Archibald: Absolutely.
Chuck Bass: No.

Dan Humphrey: Did you sleep with someone else?
Serena van der Woodsen: Yes.
Dan Humphrey: I'm done.

Dan Humphrey, Chuck Bass: Hey, what are you doing here?
Chuck Bass: Uh... I'm a big Leaky Hawk fan.


"Gossip Girl: Last Tango, Then Paris (#3.22)" (2010)
Dan Humphrey: Blair... Say life is giving you signs, and you're ignoring them because you're afraid of the thing they're signaling you to do. But-but then-but then you think, what if these signs are here for a reason and-and ignoring them just makes me a coward?
Blair Waldorf: Signs are for the religious, the superstitious, and the lower class. I don't believe in them and neither should you.

Dan Humphrey: [after punching Chuck] You tell her!
Blair Waldorf: Tell me what? What's going on?
[realizes what happened between Chuck and Jenny]
Blair Waldorf: You didn't.
Chuck Bass: Blair.
Blair Waldorf: [to Chuck] You did.
[to Jenny]
Blair Waldorf: You! Get out of here now. And not just out of this hospital, but off this island. Go and never come back, because if you ever set foot in Manhattan again, I will know, and I will destroy you.
Jenny Humphrey: Blair, I'm sorry.
Dan Humphrey: You have no reason to be sorry. This begins and ends with Chuck.

Serena van der Woodsen: Hey. Didn't expect to find you here, staring at babies.
Dan Humphrey: Turns out I'm a big fan of babies.


"Gossip Girl: Poison Ivy (#1.3)" (2007)
Dan Humphrey: You're not helping.
Jenny Humphrey: Not trying to help.

Dan Humphrey: In an ironic - though not totally unexpected - twist, Nate got the one I wanted.

Dan Humphrey: [about Nate] Last year, I believe he had an original thought. It died of loneliness.


"Gossip Girl: All the Pretty Sources (#5.8)" (2011)
Dan Humphrey: I could easily spend the rest of my life obsessing about why Serena didn't invite me to that party, I mean, she... she... she really should have invited me to that party... It's like she wants me to stay an outsider for the rest of my life. First she kills my movie, and then she kills my social life...
Chuck Bass: You ever thought it might be your own fault?
Dan Humphrey: [pauses] No.
Chuck Bass: Humphrey, you wrote an entire novel about being an outsider. It's how you define yourself. But if that's not who you wanna be anymore, the only person who can change that, is you. What you need to do is stop with the neurotic navel gazing, and start being like our friend Neo here. The man of action.
[two beautiful women come in]
Chuck Bass: It just so happens that action and her friend are begging you to take them into Nate's bedroom while I take monkey for a stroll.
[Chuck gets up and leaves for the bedroom. Dan takes the rest of his drink, then he looks up at the women]
Beautiful Woman: Hi.
[Dan just stares at them]

[Dan is talking to a group of people in the elevator while drinking from a flask]
Dan Humphrey: Okay! Yeah. I'm... as you can tell by my casual attire, I'm... I'm crashing this party, but... but it's only because I needed to stop whining, start becoming a man of action. And a man of action wouldn't just do nothing. A man of action would, uh, would show up and finally confront the person he's been meaning to have a conversation with for a very long time now. I wouldn't expect you to understand what I'm saying. Who the hell are you people anyway?
[pauses as they leave, then mumbles]
Dan Humphrey: Must be friends of the groom.

Chuck Bass: Why don't you tell me why you antagonize Blair at her own wedding shower?
Dan Humphrey: I was just... I was just trying to take some action, man, like you said. But it didn't work.
Chuck Bass: Let's be clear. I told you to get some ass, not make one of yourself.


"Gossip Girl: The Ex-Files (#2.4)" (2008)
Dan Humphrey: Google revenge, get blairwaldorf.com

Dan Humphrey: You should put a bell on.
Chuck Bass: Kinky. I'll think about it.

Dan Humphrey: Maybe we should stay away from each other for awhile.
Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah, you're right. You and Amanda should probably go.
Dan Humphrey: Are you ordering me to leave?
Serena van der Woodsen: Consider it a suggestion. Why should I go Dan? These are my friends here and it's not exactly your kind of place.


"Gossip Girl: Much 'I Do' About Nothing (#1.18)" (2008)
Serena van der Woodsen: So that's it then? "Have a good summer, I'll see you back at school"?
Dan Humphrey: I guess.

Dan Humphrey: So what happened with you and Man Bangs?


"Gossip Girl: Salon of the Dead (#5.20)" (2012)
Dan Humphrey: Look Blair, I'm not trying to be difficult but I don't wanna just melt into your world and lose myself completely. We need a balance.

Blair Waldorf: You do realize that means you'd be entering my world?
Dan Humphrey: I do. Our relationship isn't about choosing one world or another. Our relationship is our world.


"Gossip Girl: Blair Waldorf Must Pie! (#1.9)" (2007)
Serena van der Woodsen: Mom is such a hypocrite and all these years she's been writing me about my behavior.
Eric van der Woodsen: And here she's just mad at you for being her.
Dan Humphrey: And all the time my dad has given me this advice based on this girl he dated, this girl a lot like Serena.
Jenny Humphrey: It's her mom.
Blair Waldorf: When you think about it, it makes total sense that your mom was a groupie. I mean only a woman that had completely satisfied her sexual appetite in her youth would ever marry your step-dads.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair can we not talk about my mom's appetite?
Dan Humphrey: Yeah, or, or who satisfied them.
Serena van der Woodsen: It's just...
Dan Humphrey: So...
Jenny Humphrey, Eric van der Woodsen: Gross!
[Jenny and Eric say in unison]
Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah!
Jenny Humphrey: No...

Serena van der Woodsen: Mom is such a hypocrite. And all these years, she's been riding me about my behavior.
Eric van der Woodsen: And here, she's just mad at you for being her.
Dan Humphrey: And all this time my dad has been giving me advice based on a girl he dated... a girl "a lot like Serena."
Jenny Humphrey: Her mom.
Blair Waldorf: If you think about it, it makes total sense that your mom was a groupie. I mean, only a woman that had completely satisfied her sexual appetite in her youth would ever marry your step dads.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair, can we not talk about my mom's appetite?
Dan Humphrey: No, or who satisfied her.
Serena van der Woodsen: That's just...
Serena van der Woodsen, Eric van der Woodsen, Dan Humphrey, Jenny Humphrey: Gross!


"Gossip Girl: The Fasting and the Furious (#5.5)" (2011)
Chuck Bass: Humphrey, I feel like my old self again.
Dan Humphrey: Me too. Although, not in a good way. I really thought that the days when everyone turned their backs on me were over.
Chuck Bass: Well. At least this time it's because they hate you, not because they don't know you exist.

Dan Humphrey: I told Cassandra that I'm giving you the book rights.
Serena Van Der Woodsen: No, you don't have to do that. I wasn't trying to guilt you into it.
Dan Humphrey: No, I know. I know, but without you inspiring me from the beginning, I wouldn't be able to write anything, so... I owe you one. And despite the events of today, you know... I trust you.


"Gossip Girl: The End of the Affair? (#5.11)" (2012)
Chuck Bass: Did you know Blair was back in town?
Dan Humphrey: No. I live in Brooklyn. Without Gossip Girl, I know nothing.

Nate Archibald: Hey, Dan, glad to see you! You know, "Inside" didn't make it into our "Year's Best Book" list. I'm sorry, dude.
Dan Humphrey: Well, it's probably best to keep it in 2011. It's a new year, a new book.
Nate Archibald: What's this one about?
Dan Humphrey: I don't know yet. Which could be why I haven't started writing it.


"Gossip Girl: The Goodbye Gossip Girl (#2.25)" (2009)
Vanessa Abrams: Humphrey! Where is your mind?
Dan Humphrey: [smiles sadly] Well, I know it sounds crazy, but I actually... I kind of miss high school.
[Vanessa gives him an odd look]
Dan Humphrey: I miss Blair Waldorf and her daily ego demolitions, Nelly Yuki stealing my lunch, even Chuck Bass who would get
[gesticulate with his hand two inches from his face]
Dan Humphrey: SO close to talk.

Vanessa Abrams: Wow, you miss Chuck Bass!
Dan Humphrey: [jokingly] Yeah, well, probably not as much as YOU miss Chuck Bass, but yeah. I think it's safe to say that the nostalgia has officially begun.


"Gossip Girl: There Might be Blood (#2.9)" (2008)
Nate Archibald: What are you doing?
[Dan pushes Nate up against the wall]
Dan Humphrey: What am I doing? What are you doing? Or is that not you with my 15 year old sister?
[shows picture of Nate and Jenny kissing]
Nate Archibald: Okay, woah woah just calm down.
Dan Humphrey: We took you into our house Nate!
Nate Archibald: Look Dan it's not like I planned on it alright? Okay things just happen. I'm sorry. Come on, she's a sophomore, I'm a senior. Don't act like I'm some creepy older guy.
Dan Humphrey: No, your the guy who traded sex for money.
[pause]
Nate Archibald: My god, Vanessa...
Dan Humphrey: It's amazing I don't want you with my little sister.
Nate Archibald: Okay look I'm sorry I didn't say anything about Jenny, okay? But you have no right to judge me.
Dan Humphrey: Where is she?
Nate Archibald: I don't even know, she went off to find Agnes.
[pause]
Nate Archibald: Do you want me to come help you find her?
Dan Humphrey: No I don't want your help. I want you to pack up your stuff and get out of our house.

Dan Humphrey: I can't. I've got to go home and stare at my phone.


"Gossip Girl: Raiders of the Lost Art (#5.22)" (2012)
Dan Humphrey: I'm already late to meet Alessandra in Brooklyn. She's dying to come over the loft 'cause I know she wants to read my first chapter.
Blair Waldorf: It's not done?
Dan Humphrey: It's basically done.
Blair Waldorf: What is Dan Humphrey's definition of "basically"?
Dan Humphrey: Page 2. I'm blocked, alright? It happens.

Dan Humphrey: Well, for starters, I will be going all summer so, you know, being a 21st century boyfriend I thought we should discuss it first.
Blair Waldorf: That's sweet. But I would never stand in the way of an opportunity like that. You have to take it.


"Gossip Girl: Victor/Victrola (#1.7)" (2007)
Dan Humphrey: What? What? Did I do something wrong? I knew the hair thing was too much.

Dan Humphrey: Sex is meaningful, like art. And you don't rush art.


"Gossip Girl: The Dark Night (#2.3)" (2008)
Serena van der Woodsen: [Serena and Dan are stuck in the elevator] What do you want Dan? For me to never say my name?
Dan Humphrey: I'm not getting into this now.
Serena van der Woodsen: We thought we could avoid dealing with last year, well this is fate telling us we can't.
[Dan starts to jump to the top of the elevator]
Serena van der Woodsen: What are you doing?
Dan Humphrey: I'm getting out of here.
Serena van der Woodsen: No, someone's coming, the man said so.
Dan Humphrey: I think someone always comes to save Serena van der Woodsen.
Serena van der Woodsen: That's not fair.
Dan Humphrey: I know it's not, that's the point.
[Dan grabs ahold of the top of the elevator]
Serena van der Woodsen: Fine you know what? Life's not fair because it doesn't fit with the way you Dan Humphrey think things should be! But why are you always right?

Serena van der Woodsen: I forgive you for Georgina.
Dan Humphrey: And I forgive you... but I dunno.
Serena van der Woodsen: We keep having the same fight at Bart's brunch a year ago, at the wedding.
Dan Humphrey: And we talked about the fight at Bart's brunch.
Serena van der Woodsen: And now here. I can't change who I am Dan.
Dan Humphrey: Me neither. So what happens now?
Serena van der Woodsen: I don't really feel like talking.
Dan Humphrey: Yeah me neither.
[Serena rests her head on his shoulder]


"Gossip Girl: Riding in Town Cars with Boys (#5.10)" (2011)
Dan Humphrey: When you told me about the idea of rewriting the ending of my story, I thought maybe... maybe that's the answer.
Serena Van Der Woodsen: Then what stopped you?
Dan Humphrey: When I saw Blair discover how she felt about Chuck, she was heartbroken. I mean, I've been so consumed about my own feelings I wouldn't let myself see how much she loves Chuck. You were right. She didn't need my confession. She needed my help.
Serena Van Der Woodsen: Wow, that's... that's a really amazing thing to do, Dan.
Dan Humphrey: Well, I mean, I... It wasn't easy, but I do think I can give myself a new ending by making sure that she and Chuck get the ending they deserve. I want her to be happy.


"Gossip Girl: The Serena Also Rises (#2.5)" (2008)
Dan Humphrey: Gossip Girl: Spotted: Dan Humphrey, shoeless and clueless. That's all.


"Gossip Girl: Double Identity (#4.2)" (2010)
Vanessa Abrams: Stop talking.
Dan Humphrey: You know I'm not good at that.
Vanessa Abrams: I think I can help.
[they kiss]


"Gossip Girl: The Backup Dan (#5.14)" (2012)
Blair Waldorf: I wanna apologize. Everything you said was right. I could never have survived this last month without you.
[pauses]
Blair Waldorf: I also know you wrote those vows.
Dan Humphrey: Well, I... you know, Louis asked me to, I-I just... I just tried to write down what I assumed he would love about you.
Blair Waldorf: Well, you did a great job. It's pretty obvious that you care way more about me than Louis. As a friend, of course.
Dan Humphrey: [halfhearted] Yeah. Of course.
Blair Waldorf: And I care about you too. Even if I have odd ways of showing it, like bossing you around, or making fun of your hair... Seriously, you should cut it already.
[Dan laughs]
Blair Waldorf: Thank you for helping me. And I really am sorry for maxing out your credit card and not reading your book.
Dan Humphrey: No, you have much bigger problems to deal with. Speaking of, what now?
Blair Waldorf: I know what I have to do. I just need to know that you'll be there for me.
Dan Humphrey: Always.
[they hug]


"Gossip Girl: Memoirs of an Invisible Dan (#5.4)" (2011)
Dan Humphrey: Hey, everyone, thank you so much for coming.
Serena Van Der Woodsen: I only have five minutes.
Blair Waldorf: This better be really important.
Nate Archibald: What is this about?
Lily: Is everything alright?
Charlie Rhodes: This isn't about me, right?
Rufus Settle: Yeah, what's going on, Dan?
Chuck Bass: This is going to be fun.


"Gossip Girl: Gone with the Will (#2.15)" (2009)
Vanessa Abrams: Hey, I'm thinking one pink can of gummy worms and another of Swedish fish.
Dan Humphrey: Is this how you and Nate want to celebrate two months of dating? With all things gummy?


"Gossip Girl: Dirty Rotten Scandals (#6.3)" (2012)
Nate Archibald: Why the hell do my advertisers think that Vanity Fair is publishing the rest of your serial?
Dan Humphrey: Because they are.
Nate Archibald: Dan, we had a deal.
Dan Humphrey: A handshake is hardly a deal.
Nate Archibald: [incredulous] Oh my God! I think I'm gonna hit you.
Dan Humphrey: I told you just last week that it was a bad idea to mix business and friendship. You wanted me to go to Rufus before publishing. And today when he threatned a lawsuit, you freaked out.
Nate Archibald: I was trying to protect my newspaper.
Dan Humphrey: What do you want me to say? Vanity Fair is the big time. The more readers I have, the more power I have. It's that simple.
Nate Archibald: I thought we were in this together.
Dan Humphrey: We were. But something better came along.
Nate Archibald: Okay, now I know I'm going to hit you!
Dan Humphrey: In this public place with witnesses around? Come on, Nate! You know that you and all your other friends would have done the exact same thing in my position.
Nate Archibald: You know what? Don't bother coming back to the Empire Hotel! Find another place to stay.
Dan Humphrey: I thought you might say that.
[Dan shows Nate his packed carry-on bag. Nate angrily scoffs and walks out of the bar]


"Gossip Girl: The Grandfather: Part II (#3.8)" (2009)
Dan Humphrey: [to Olivia and Serena] Well, as much as I enjoy my current girlfriend talking to my ex-girlfriend about a fake boyfriend who is also my current girlfriend's ex, you could probably get us a copy of that Fallon interview, right?


"Gossip Girl: The Handmaiden's Tale (#1.6)" (2007)
Dan Humphrey: I'm saving you.
Serena van der Woodsen: [upset] I don't need to be saved.
Dan Humphrey: Really? 'Cause I could see your eyes rolling to the back of your head from across the room.


"Gossip Girl: Despicable B (#5.21)" (2012)
Blair Waldorf: I'm sick of being behind-the-scenes in a relationship.
Dan Humphrey: You're not behind-the-scenes with me. That's what I love about us. We are equals in this.
Blair Waldorf: Well that's not how I feel. And it's clearly not how other people view me.
Dan Humphrey: Maybe you were so focused on how everyone else perceives you that you no longer know who you are. That's too bad because if you can only see what I see.


"Gossip Girl: The Wrath of Con (#2.23)" (2009)
Dan Humphrey: [Georgina walks in] Okay, someone needs to get this crazy girl out of here.


"Gossip Girl: Father and the Bride (#5.12)" (2012)
Dan Humphrey: Look, Serena, while we're alone, there's something I wanna say to you...
Serena Van Der Woodsen: Are you fake breaking up with me?


"Gossip Girl: The Return of the Ring (#5.24)" (2012)
Georgina Sparks: Dan Humphrey. Come to whisk me away for a secret rendezvous under the Tuscan sun? You're lucky you're on my free-pass list, otherwise Philip might have put up a fuss.
Dan Humphrey: This invitation isn't about seduction, Georgina. It's about scandal.
Georgina Sparks: Can't a girl have both? Philip will understand. We have an open marriage and a mutual understanding of each other.
Dan Humphrey: I need your photographic memory and your passion for social upheaval to help me write another book on the Upper East Side. The book I should have written from the beginning.
Georgina Sparks: Nothing like a scorned lover to scorch the earth. I can hardly wait.


"Gossip Girl: The Jewel of Denial (#5.3)" (2011)
Dan Humphrey: Go to your interview, I'll meet you at your apartment, and we'll open it there.
Blair Waldorf: That is much more civilized. Unlike your hair, Humphrey. You look like a muppet.


"Gossip Girl: Dr. Estrangeloved (#3.19)" (2010)
Dan Humphrey: [to Jenny] Hey, Jenny! Jenny! Please tell me what you're doing here, starting with "Dad knows", and ending with "these drinks are not for me."
Jenny Humphrey: Since I haven't actually talked to Dad today, no. But these drinks are for Nate and Chuck.
Dan Humphrey: What are you doing with Nate and Chuck?
Jenny Humphrey: Well, Nate's my friend, and Chuck's totally harmless unless this place runs out of ice.


"Gossip Girl: Chuck in Real Life (#2.7)" (2008)
Chuck Bass: Humphrey, never a pleasure.
Dan Humphrey: Oh good we actually agree on something.
Chuck Bass: Archibald, isn't it about time you ended this bromance? What happens at Yale stays at Yale.
Nate Archibald: Hey man let's go.
[Nate and Dan walk off leaving Chuck behind]


"Gossip Girl: I Am Number Nine (#5.6)" (2011)
Serena Van Der Woodsen: So, Mr. Screenwriter... Are you ready for your your first ever development meeting?
Dan Humphrey: I think so. As long as you guys don't wanna change the ending. Or the beginning. Or all the stuff in the middle.


"Gossip Girl: The Age of Dissonance (#2.18)" (2009)
Dan Humphrey: You called Yale? You sent that blast in to Gossip Girl to get revenge against Blair? I believed in you... all your talk about integrity and ideals.
Rachel Carr: My ideals? Blair spread false rumors about us, blackmailed the entire school, and turned my job and career into a sham with no repercussions. She's a self-absorbed psychopath with no remorse, regret, shame or guilt for her actions.
Dan Humphrey: My God... you're just as bad as she is. No, you're worse! Blair is a high school student. You're an adult. She has her whole life ahead of her. You ruined her dream to get into the college of her choice. You need to fix things with Blair.
Rachel Carr: Absolutely not! Blair got what she deserved. She's had it coming for a long time.
Dan Humphrey: [sighs] You know how you felt when you told me that all your hopes and ideals were crushed? Well, congratulations. You've just crushed mine.


"Gossip Girl: The Lady Vanished (#3.14)" (2010)
Dan Humphrey: [sees the photo boot] Problem solved! What could be friendlier than taking a mock photo?
[Dan and Vanessa goes behind the photo boot and starts making out. They stop and look at each other awkwardly]
Dan Humphrey: Eh... Photo?


"Gossip Girl: It's Really Complicated (#6.8)" (2012)
Rufus Humphrey: They kicked you out too, didn't they? I saw your piece on Serena. You let me off easy by comparison.
Dan Humphrey: All I did was tell the truth.
Rufus Humphrey: "Your" truth. Everybody has a version... a way of delivering it. It wouldn't have been my choice.
Dan Humphrey: Well, maybe that's why Lily doesn't respect you. Why she chose Bart Bass over you. Her money over you.
Rufus Humphrey: So is this how you become Bart Bass? You become just as cold, devious and evil as those Upper East Siders?
Dan Humphrey: I did what I had to do. Tonight, for the first time in my life, those rich people weren't looking "down" on me. They may have hated me. But I was one of them. Jenny, Vanessa, among others were right. In order to stand up to, face and defeat evil people, you have to become evil.
Rufus Humphrey: Congratulations... I guess. So now that you've achieved that, you can come back to Brooklyn.
Dan Humphrey: What I want isn't in Brooklyn. I'm only staying with you for now because we're still family. I have a plan. I've always had a plan this whole time... and it's working.


"Gossip Girl: Ex-Husbands and Wives (#3.21)" (2010)
Serena van der Woodsen: [to Dan] Thanks for coming with me. I know this was a complicated one for you.
Dan Humphrey: When are things not complicated with Serena Van Der Woodsen?


"Gossip Girl: The Princess Dowry (#5.17)" (2012)
Dan Humphrey: Well if you came here to tell me what a horrible person I am, you're too late. I already know.
Blair Waldorf: That's not why I came.
Dan Humphrey: You got back together with Chuck?
Blair Waldorf: No.
Dan Humphrey: Are you... moving to a desert island where there are no men at all? You'll be living the rest of your life in peaceful solitude?
Blair Waldorf: No. I told Chuck he doesn't have my heart anymore. I realized it belongs to someone else.
Blair Waldorf: So Dan, are you going to invite me in or what?
[looks at Dan confused]
Blair Waldorf: What?
Dan Humphrey: You just said my name.
Blair Waldorf: Dan?
Dan Humphrey: You just said it again.
Blair Waldorf: Dan.
Dan Humphrey: Say it again.
Blair Waldorf: [laughs] Dan.


"Gossip Girl: The Townie (#4.11)" (2010)
Blair Waldorf: We can't do nothing for three days. Who knows how far Juliet could get in that time?
Dan Humphrey: Yeah. I think we just gotta tell my dad and Lily. What Juliet did with these pills is against the law.
Blair Waldorf: Police and Parents. Of course that's your plan, Humphrey. Or we could sneak in to see Serena.
Blair Waldorf: That receptionist got a pretty good look at me, but maybe with a wig...
Dan Humphrey: That's your plan? Disguises and accents?
Blair Waldorf: I never said anything about accents. Can you do any?


"Gossip Girl: G.G. (#5.13)" (2012)
Dan Humphrey: Who was that?
Nate Archibald: Someone I should've remembered. Maybe that's my issue. Paying too much attention to the wrong girls and not enough to the right ones.
Dan Humphrey: Well, off a list of your issues, I'm not sure I'd start with that one.