Gossip Girl
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Quotes for
Gossip Girl (Character)
from "Gossip Girl" (2007)

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"Gossip Girl: Pilot (#1.1)" (2007)
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Better lock it down with Nate, B. Clock is ticking.

Serena van der Woodsen: Blair. Maybe we could meet tonight?
Blair Waldorf: I'd love to! But I'm doing something with Nate tonight.
Serena van der Woodsen: The Palace. 8:00? Nate will wait.
Gossip Girl: [narration; voice-over] Spotted at the Constance Billard Steps, S & B power struggle.
Blair Waldorf: I could only do... half hour?
Serena van der Woodsen: Thanks for making the time.
Blair Waldorf: You're my best friend.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Did B think S would go down without a fight? Or can these two hotties work it out? There's nothing Gossip Girl likes more than a good cat fight. And this could be a classic.

Gossip Girl: And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell. You know you love me. Xoxo, GossipGirl

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Gossip Girl here. Your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.

Gossip Girl: Why so thirsty, S? You may have won B over, but we still think you're hiding something.

Gossip Girl: Did B think S would go down without a fight? Or can these two hotties work it out? There's nothing Gossip Girl likes more than a good catfight. And this could be a classic.

Gossip Girl: And who am I? That's another secret I'll never tell. You know you love me. Xo xo Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl: Gossip Girl here your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhatten's elite


"Gossip Girl: Much 'I Do' About Nothing (#1.18)" (2008)
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Leave it to Blair Waldorf to know bitches don't just happen; they're made.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] The only thing feared by the spawn of Satan? Mom and Dad.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Dearly beloved we are gathered here today in the face of this company to watch this man and this woman totally eff things up.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Bitches don't just happen, they're made. By parents more wicked than their offspring.

[last lines]
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] They say a leopard can't change his spots, but some things do change. The path not taken can become a road trip. Being grounded can lead to something groundbreaking. And whether they're sweating it out on the sultry sidewalks... or cooling their heels in the Hamptons, no one does summer like New Yorkers. Grab your shades and your sunblock. This one looks like a scorcher. Until then, you know you love me, XOXO... Gossip Girl.

Gossip Girl: Bitches don't just happen, their made. By parents more wicked than their offspring.


"Gossip Girl: A Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate (#1.13)" (2008)
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] What's the difference between gossip and scandal? So glad you asked UES forever. Anyone can commit a minor indiscretion and generate a day's worth of buzz, but in order for gossip to birth a true scandal, it requires the right person to be in the wrong place.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Take one "it" girl on a pedestal, add a crowd eager to see her fall, and give them the means to knock her down.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] And for a scandal to really blow up, all it needs is an unexpected turn.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Looks like the virgin queen isn't as pure as she pretended to be. Who's your daddy, B, baby daddy that is. Two guys in one week, talk about doing the nasty, or should I just say being nasty.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] One good scandal deserves another. Wonder who's going down next? Everybody if B has anything to say about it. You know you love me. Xoxo Gossip Girl.


"Gossip Girl: In the Realm of the Basses (#2.14)" (2009)
[last lines]
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Ah, me. The year's scarcely turned and already the secrets have begun. Where will it end this time? The new year isn't about what happened, it's about what's to come. But the past is always with us, just waiting to mess with the present. And when it does, I'll be watching. XOXO. Gossip Girl.

[first lines]
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Gossip Girl here, welcoming you to the new year, when Manhattenites, who flew south for the sun, return to their Park Avenue perches. Which means I have a lot of catching up to do. Word is, Serena van der Woodsen tangoed in the new year in the plazas of Buenos Aires. Guess that means Lonely Boy was all alone when the clock tolled twelve. And what of Little J? Rumor is she's trading runways for hallways. So long high fashion, hello high school.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] One thing about being on the top of the world, it gives you a long, long way to fall.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Pop quiz: What do you get when you cross Chuck Bass, a billion dollars and Bart cold in the ground?

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Spotted at Victrola: Lonely Boy and Chuck Bass having heart to heart. What or who do they have talk about? And will Serena will be the last to know?


"Gossip Girl: The Ex-Files (#2.4)" (2008)
[last lines]
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] But if Queen S would do this to D, are any of us safe? Bow down or bow out. XOXO, Gossip Girl.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Sound the trumpets, strumpets.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Looks like Humphrey defied our great expectations and Waldorf's rules of order. Daring to date before Serena? It's only a matter of time before it's off with his head - or hers.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Spotted: A beautiful blond phoenix rising from the ashes of a major public humiliation.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Welcome back queen Serena. Consider us your humble servants, cause if looks could kill, we wouldn't wanna be Dan Humphrey.


"Gossip Girl: Gone with the Will (#2.15)" (2009)
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] When most people lose a parent, they inherit sorrow, loss and a closet full of outdated clothes. But on the Upper East Side, death's sad chapter comes with a silver lining, or a gold one, if your relatives invested wisely in precious metals.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Hold on to your floppy cable-knit hats, kids. Lonely Boy's secret is out and this one's a doozie. D wasn't cheating, but there's definitely a third party involved. Seems D and S share a sibling. While I'm always a fan of star-crossed lovers, at least Romeo and Juliet didn't share DNA.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Is lowly Lonely Boy cheating on our queen? Sound unlikely? Does the name Georgina ring a bell? Get out your shovels and start digging the dirt, kids. Gossip Girl's gonna need a little help getting to the bottom of this mess.

[last lines]
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] The problem with inheritance is that it's not always as simple as it sounds. Sometimes you get more than you bargained for or you discover that in gaining one thing, you've lost something else. But every once in a while, the fates smile upon you, and you get the one thing you really need. XOXO. Gossip Girl.


"Gossip Girl: The Wild Brunch (#1.2)" (2007)
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Some people might call this a fluster cluck. On the Upper East Side, we call it Sunday afternoon.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Serena's visit was short and apparently not very sweet. But you know what is? Revenge. We hear it's best served cold. Who's hungry?

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Breakfast is brunch, and it comes with champagne, a dress code and a hundred of our closest friends... and enemies.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Looks like Chuck and Blair showed up with quite an appetite. For destruction, that is.


"Gossip Girl: Chuck in Real Life (#2.7)" (2008)
Gossip Girl: But most times it takes just one person, who is truly afraid to show what they feel, getting an opportunity they never thought possible.

Gossip Girl: Poor Chuck Bass, you made your bet, now you have to lie on it.

Gossip Girl: Careful B, one thing about making a deal with the devil - he always comes to collect.

Gossip Girl: This just in: Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass placing a wager on the take down of Lonely Boy's BFF.
[pause]
Gossip Girl: We think we've heard this story before and we're pretty sure it ended up with everyone dead.


"Gossip Girl: You've Got Yale! (#2.16)" (2009)
[last lines]
Blair Waldorf: Put that puppy down, Dorota.
Dorota: What happened, Miss Blair?
Blair Waldorf: It's what's going to happen that you should be worried about.
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Not all beginnings are cause for celebration. A lot of bad things begin: fights, flu season, and the worst thing of all...
Dorota: Uh-oh. Is it war?
Blair Waldorf: Yes. But this one will be different. I need to wait for my moment, and then I'm going black-ops. Off the radar. No accountability. This war I'm gonna win.
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Wanna be starting something. XOXO. Gossip Girl.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] True love and betrayal. Revenge and more revenge. A heroine with an impossible goal. If only Mozart had lived on the Upper East Side. But you can keep your magic flute, Amadeus. All this queen wants is a golden ticket to Yale.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Sticks and stones may break bones, but a poison pen is the best revenge.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] They say it's not over until the fat lady sings. But who's that, here, turning up in the wings? Sorry, B. I think it's curtains.


"Gossip Girl: All About My Brother (#1.16)" (2008)
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] This just in, Asher Hornsby has been spotted locking lips before class but not with his girlfriend. Looks like gentlemen don't prefer blondes, Little J, they prefer other gentlemen. Is this just another round of blanks fired between B and Little J? I'm tired of being the bearer of bad grudges. This is the last item that goes to press without proof.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Don't look so sad, Little J! The sun will come out tomorrow, even though your boyfriend did today.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Spotted: Jenny Humphrey wading in the Met fountain fishing for change. Blair Waldorf seen dallying with an off-duty doorman at the Blarney Stone on a Monday night. It looks like the battle between the Queen B and Little J has moved from the streets to the blogs. Who's sending this debasing dish? I have a feeling.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Don't look so sad, Little J. The sun will come out tomorrow, even though your boyfriend did today.


"Gossip Girl: Dare Devil (#1.5)" (2007)
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Here's an inside tip, Little J: The faster you rise, the harder you fall. Hope that Hello Kitty sleeping bag doubles as a parachute.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Spotlight on little J. Now put to the test by one queenbee. Will J take the bait and go from Brady to Britney? Or will her goodie to shoes mind set turn into the night's biggest buzz kill?

Gossip Girl: Looks like no one told little J. you don't beat a Waldorf at her own game.

Gossip Girl: Word is Jenny Humphrey killed at Blair Waldorf's sleepover. It was a debut the likes of which haven't been seen since Blair herself.


"Gossip Girl: The Serena Also Rises (#2.5)" (2008)
Gossip Girl: Spotted: Dan Humphrey, shoe-less and clueless, that's all.

Gossip Girl: If there's one thing I've learned it's that there would be no gossip without secrets. You might be brave enough to reveal your secret only to have it used against you. Or someone else's secret might affect you in unexpected ways. There are some secrets you are only to happy to keep. Others surface only to be buried away deeper than they were before. But the most powerful secrets are the truths you thought you could never reveal. That once spoken, change everything.

Gossip Girl: But don't worry B, the brightest stars burn out the fastest. Or at least that's what I heard. Waiting for a star to fall? Xoxo Gossip Girl.


"Gossip Girl: The Handmaiden's Tale (#1.6)" (2007)
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Opposites do attract, but for how long?

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Call us old school, but sometimes the fairytale ending requires the knight to get off his ass and saddle up his steed.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] What was it we said about appearances? Yes, they can be deceiving. But most of the time, what you see, is what you get.


"Gossip Girl: Poison Ivy (#1.3)" (2007)
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Looks like World War 3 has just broken out and it's wearing knee socks. Choose your side or run and hide.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Spotted: S not so fashionably late and dressed down by B. Game on ladies.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Honesty may be the best policy in some zip codes, but not in this one and not this week, 'cause "I was a teenage drug addict" is not exactly a winning college essay.


"Gossip Girl: The Goodbye Gossip Girl (#2.25)" (2009)
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Not so fast. You're not graduating until I give you my diplomas. Mine are labels, and labels stick. Nate Archibald: Class Whore. Dan Humphrey: The Ultimate Insider. Chuck Bass: Coward. Blair Waldorf: Weakling. And as for Serena van der Woodsen, after today, you are officially irrelevant. Congradulations everyone, you all deserve it.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over; angry tone] Serena van der Woodsen just couldn't leave well enough alone. Since she had the nerve to try to find out the truth about me and who I am, I'm going to tell you the truth about EVERYONE. Every gossip bomb I've got is about to drop and if you got a problem with that, take it up with her. Ever wonder why Miss Carr really left town? Dan Humphrey had sex with her during the school play... the sparks between Humphrey's sis and Nate during a hot photo session... thank God it stopped at a PG-13 or someone would have ended up in jail... like her brother, Dan. And as for Blair Waldorf, say uncle! We hear she kept it in the Bass family on New Year's... with Jack. But rumor has it that Chuck spent some time in Brooklyn... metaphorically speaking of course, with Vanessa. Serena van der Woodsen, here's looking at you for trying to take me on!

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] You wanted to meet Gossip Girl? You want to know who I am? Well, look around. You just did. I'm nothing without all of you. And while most high school friendships fade, it's my hope that what happened today will bond you forever. Now that all my secrets are out, you now have a clean slate... until college. Though I'll never tell you my name or show you my face I can just say, congratulations... I'm coming with you.


"Gossip Girl: There Might be Blood (#2.9)" (2008)
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Looks like it's bros before hoes for little J. Who knew when her loyalty kicked in Nate would be kicked out.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] It seems the saying's true, like mother like daughter - or is it the other way around?

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Rumor has it that lady B's been outfoxed by a young fox.


"Gossip Girl: Pret-a-Poor-J (#2.8)" (2008)
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Spotted: Upper East Side beauty laying down the gauntlet for her favorite beast, but be careful princess, it's gonna take more than a leg to get this prince to ravish you.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Her knight in shining Armani.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] The problem with fairy tales is that they set a girl up for disappointment. In real life the prince goes off with the wrong princess.
[pause]
Gossip Girl: Or the spell wears off and two lovers realize their better off as... well whatever they are.


"Gossip Girl: The Big Sleep No More (#5.7)" (2011)
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] In drama, there are many ways to unmask a villain. Sometimes you know who the bad guy is from the start. But most times, you find out they've been right in front of you all along.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Seems the play's the thing tonight. But watch out, players. You might be the ones getting played.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] It's been the performance of a lifetime for cousin Charlie, but tonight, it looks like it just might be the final curtain.


"Gossip Girl: Victor/Victrola (#1.7)" (2007)
Gossip Girl: Prohibition never stood a chance against exhibition.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Prohibition never stood a chance against exhibition. It's human nature to be free. And no matter how long you try to be good, you can't keep a bad girl down.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Jenny Humphrey's rise to the penthouse was short and sweet, but if she crosses Blair Waldorf, it's straight back to the basement.


"Gossip Girl: O Brother, Where Bart Thou? (#2.13)" (2008)
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Spotted: Chuck Bass leaving his father's funeral and Blair Waldorf shedding tears for the dearly departed.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] More towers than Trump, more bucks than Bloomberg. Bart Bass definitely made his mark on Manhattan. The passing of a public figure can shake a whole town, but the real story is always the one happening in private away from the headlines at home.


"Gossip Girl: Bad News Blair (#1.4)" (2007)
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Spotted: Lonely Boy's rude awakening. Upper East Side queens aren't born at the top, they climb their way up in heels no matter who they have to tread on to do it.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] You didn't hear it from us but in every girl's life there comes a moment when she realizes that her mother just might be more messed up than she is.


"Gossip Girl: School Lies (#1.12)" (2008)
Bart Bass: So. Your new step-brother told me about your problem at school. Frankly, I wasn't surprised given your propensity for recklessness and adventure.
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm sorry?
Bart Bass: Don't tell your mother, but... I made a call.
Serena van der Woodsen: You did what?
Bart Bass: It was harder than usual. That new headmistress of yours is a new peice of work. I had to go over her head. Sorry I couldn't get the charges completely dropped, but, at least I got you minimal sentence.
Gossip Girl: One thing about being on the inside, once you get there you don't always get to choose where you stand... or sit.
Chuck Bass: [Chuck comes over, puts his hand on her knee but she tosses it away] I was just looking our for my family. The new Van Der Woodsen-Bass library should be completed for Eric's graduation.
Bart Bass: I can see that Lily and I are going to have our hands full with the two of you.
Serena van der Woodsen: Okay. Will you excuse me? I need some air.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Now that sex and lies have been caught on videotape, V's documentary just became the most anticipated new release of the year.


"Gossip Girl: Desperately Seeking Serena (#1.15)" (2008)
Gossip Girl: [after Georgina comes back and talks to Serena] Spotted in the courtyard: S looking like she's seen a ghost. A ghost of parties past.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Serena Van Der Woodsen being given a real life multiple choice question: a. Go home and study, b. Get a good night's sleep, c. Call your boyfriend, or d. None of the above. Hope that wasn't the wrong answer, S. This test doesn't grade on a curve.


"Gossip Girl: The Dark Night (#2.3)" (2008)
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Sorry to break it to you B, but this party just went over to the dark side.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Spotted: Lady B acting not so lady like. Hope you kept that receipt for that tiara B.


"Gossip Girl: New Haven Can Wait (#2.6)" (2008)
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Poor S, she should know B's rules by now. When someone leaves you off the list, don't get mad, get in.

Gossip Girl: [voice-over] From conrads to combat we thought we'd seen it all, but we've never seen this: Serena and Blair calling a cease fire. After so much scorched earth, can either side claim victory?


"Gossip Girl: Summer Kind of Wonderful (#2.1)" (2008)
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Ain't Karma a bitch? We all know Blair Waldorf is.


"Gossip Girl: Bonfire of the Vanity (#2.10)" (2008)
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Poor little orphan Jenny, looks like she needs a Daddy Warbucks, but Daddy Warbucks don't grow on trees. At least on a tree that grows in Brooklyn.


"Gossip Girl: Memoirs of an Invisible Dan (#5.4)" (2011)
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] It seems like Dan Humphrey is on the fast track from Lonely Boy to Only Boy.


"Gossip Girl: The Wrong Goodbye (#4.22)" (2011)
[last lines]
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] But if at the end you find the person you've become is not the person you want to be... you can always turn around and try again. And maybe the next time you won't be so alone when it's over. Too late to turn back now. XOXO, Gossip Girl.


"Gossip Girl: It's a Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad World (#3.20)" (2010)
Gossip Girl: What do you say, Serena? Who's your daddy? XOXO, Gossip Girl.


"Gossip Girl: The Unblairable Lightness of Being (#3.18)" (2010)
Gossip Girl: Total eclipse of the heart. XOXO, Gossip Girl.


"Gossip Girl: Gone Maybe Gone (#6.1)" (2012)
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Poor B. Looks like she just got dumped by the love of her life. And I'm not talking about Chuck or Dan.


"Gossip Girl: Last Tango, Then Paris (#3.22)" (2010)
Gossip Girl: Till death do us part. XOXO, Gossip Girl.


"Gossip Girl: Blair Waldorf Must Pie! (#1.9)" (2007)
[first lines]
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] As per Gossip Girl's Thanksgiving tradition, I'm trading in my laptop for stovetop. And for the next 16 hours, the only thing I'm dishing is seconds. When the cat's away, the mice will play. Have fun, little rodents.


"Gossip Girl: The Return of the Ring (#5.24)" (2012)
[last lines]
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] What did I say about letting the chips fall where they may? See you next fall. XOXO, Gossip Girl


"Gossip Girl: Dr. Estrangeloved (#3.19)" (2010)
Gossip Girl: On the Upper East Side, sometimes the wrong prescription is just what the doctor orders. XOXO,Gossip Girl.


"Gossip Girl: Never Been Marcused (#2.2)" (2008)
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Chuck's date and Blair's date are mother and son! And Blair and Nate are exes! And Nate and the mother are in a book club. Now there's a novel twist!


"Gossip Girl: Ex-Husbands and Wives (#3.21)" (2010)
Gossip Girl: Be careful - once darkness descends true natures emerge and everything's a fair game. Until morning.


"Gossip Girl: Valley Girls (#2.24)" (2009)
Gossip Girl: Shoulder pads may come and go, but a BFF is forever.


"Gossip Girl: Reversals of Fortune (#3.1)" (2009)
[first lines]
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Welcome back Upper East Siders. After a long hot summer away, I see that it didn't take much time for you to dirty up the clean slates I gave you. My inbox is overflowing, so let's get to the good stuff shall we? Spotted: Chuck Bass up to his old tricks. Poor B. I guess nothing good lasts forever.


"Gossip Girl: Seder Anything (#2.21)" (2009)
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Baruch Atah ay dios mio! This Passover is going to get its own Spanish Inquisition!


"Gossip Girl: Seventeen Candles (#1.8)" (2007)
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Careful B. Hell hath no fury like a Chuck Bass scorned.


"Gossip Girl: Beauty and the Feast (#5.2)" (2011)
[last lines]
Blair Waldorf: I don't wanna lose everything.
Dan Humphrey: You'll still have me.
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Maybe it's not bloodbonds that make us a family. Perhaps it's the people who know our secrets and love us anyway, so we can finally be ourselves. XO, XO, Gossip Girl.


"Gossip Girl: New York, I Love You XOXO (#6.10)" (2012)
Gossip Girl: Hey, Upper East Siders. Gossip Girl here. And I have the biggest news ever.
Rachel Bilson: [enters] Serena. You're back from boarding school.
Gossip Girl: [reading from a script] "Yeah, hi Blair, so I gotta go".
Rachel Bilson: Come on, Bell, can't you try a little harder?
Gossip Girl: If I'm being really honest, Rachel, I don't think you can pull off high school anymore.
Rachel Bilson: Thanks a lot.
Gossip Girl: Sorry.
Rachel Bilson: [as Kristen Bell is looking at her iPod] Come on, you are always on that thing. This audition is really important to me. Plus the book is a best-seller and has a built-in movie audience. This Dan Humphrey is a really good writer.
Gossip Girl: O.M.G. You are not going to believe who Gossip Girl really is.
Rachel Bilson: Wait. Gossip Girl is real?
[Kirsten Bell winks at the camera]