Blair Waldorf
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Quotes for
Blair Waldorf (Character)
from "Gossip Girl" (2007)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Gossip Girl: Much 'I Do' About Nothing (#1.18)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: [after waking up in bed together] You were on the floor!
Chuck Bass: I hurt my back.
Blair Waldorf: How? It's not like you ever do anything athletic.
Chuck Bass: [suggestively] Well, that's not exactly true, now is it?
Blair Waldorf: Fine, nothing that involves removing your scarf.
Chuck Bass: That was one time; it was chilly.

[Blair waskes up and slapps Chuck's arm]
Chuck Bass: Ow!
Blair Waldorf: Who, what, where, when, why?
Chuck Bass: We were up late plotting against Georgina, we must have dozed off.
Blair Waldorf: And you were on the floor.
Chuck Bass: I didn't want to hurt my back.
Blair Waldorf: Why? It's not like you do anything athletic.
Chuck Bass: Well that's not entirely true now is it?
Blair Waldorf: Fine, nothing that requires you moving your scarf.
Chuck Bass: It was one time, it was chilly.
Blair Waldorf: Enough about the past, before you landed in my bed we actually landed on a good idea.
Chuck Bass: Well I trust you can take it from here, I have a best man's speech to write and no time to write it.
Blair Waldorf: Don't worry, I can be bitch enough for both of us.
Chuck Bass: I still have the scars on my back to prove it.
[Blairs starts pushing him out the door]
Chuck Bass: You know, they say that you love something you should set it free.
Blair Waldorf: Uh! They say if you hate something you should slam the door in its face.
Chuck Bass: I love it when you talk dirty Blair.

Blair Waldorf: [to Georgina] Haven't you heard? I'm the crazy bitch around here.

Blair Waldorf: [kicks Chuck] Break a leg!
Chuck Bass: I think I just did!

Serena van der Woodsen: Oh babe, what's it gonna take for you to relax?
Blair Waldorf: Chuck
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh God! My ears are bleeding! Make it stop!

Blair Waldorf: What can I say? He brings out the worst in me. And weirdly, I bring out the best in him.

Blair Waldorf: Dan Humphrey actually lent a hand. It was nice to see him get his hands dirty for once. Not sure how much fun he had, though. No one enjoys their first time.

Chuck Bass: You know, they say that if you love something you should set it free.
Blair Waldorf: Ugh. They say if you hate something you should slam the door in its face.
Chuck Bass: Ooh, I love it when you talk dirty, Blair.

Serena van der Woodsen: Hey.
Blair Waldorf: Hey. How go the prenuptials?
Serena van der Woodsen: Well my mom's done this enough times you'd think she be a pro by now but I dunno, her heart doesn't really seem in it.
Blair Waldorf: You think this will be us in 20 years? On to our fourth husbands?
Serena van der Woodsen: A girl can dream.
[the girls laugh]

Blair Waldorf: Speaking of true love, Dan isn't here?
Serena van der Woodsen: He's coming.
Blair Waldorf: So all is forgiven?
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm workin on it.
Blair Waldorf: What do you have to work on? He's the one who has to forgive you.
Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah - yeah that's what I'm workin on.

Blair Waldorf: Looks like Nate isn't a fan of the fish, or his date.
Vanessa Abrams: Blair, I'm with Nate and you're at the singles table, deal with it.
Blair Waldorf: I just feel sorry for you is all. Dating an Archibald is a tortured process. The endless supply of family drama, the fact that he never really got over Serena. Though falling for someone in love with Serena, you already knows how that feels don't you?

Blair Waldorf: You gonna be okay? Alone all summer without your best friend who always gets you out of trouble?
Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah, I'm looking forward to staying out of trouble for awhile.
Blair Waldorf: Have you talked to Dan?
Serena van der Woodsen: No, not since the wedding. It's for the best, for him and for me. I'm fine.

[Blair wakes up holding Chuck and then slaps him]
Chuck Bass: Ow!
Blair Waldorf: Who, what, when, where, why?
Chuck Bass: We were up late plotting against Georgina. We must have dozed off.
Blair Waldorf: And you were on the floor!
Chuck Bass: I didn't want to hurt my back.
Blair Waldorf: Why? It's not like you do anything athletic.
Chuck Bass: Well that's not entirely true now is it?
Blair Waldorf: Fine. Nothing that requires you moving your scarf.
Chuck Bass: It was one time, it was chilly.
Blair Waldorf: Enough about the past. Before you landed in my bed, we actually landed on a good idea.
Chuck Bass: Well I trust you can take it from here. I have a best man's speech to write, and no time to write it.
Blair Waldorf: Don't worry, I can be bitch enough for the both of us.
Chuck Bass: I still have the scars on my back to prove it.
[Blair starts pushing him out the door]
Chuck Bass: You know, they say if you love something you should set it free.
Blair Waldorf: Ugh! They say when you hate something you should slam the door in its face!
Chuck Bass: I love it when you talk dirty Blair.

Blair Waldorf: Best man speech going that well?
Chuck Bass: There won't be a dry eye in the house, trust me. How did things go with Whore-gina?
Blair Waldorf: Not a dry eye there either.
Chuck Bass: Didn't know I wasn't missed?
Blair Waldorf: Dan Humphrey actually lent a hand it was nice to see him get his dirty for once. I'm not sure how much fun he had though, no one ever enjoys their first time.
[Blair fixes Chuck's bowtie]
Chuck Bass: Except you. Save me a dance?
Blair Waldorf: [Blair grabs Chuck, irritated by what he said] Now that Georgina's done, so are you and I, she was the last thing we had in common.
[Blair kicks Chuck on the shin, making him grunt]
Blair Waldorf: Ha, break a leg.
Chuck Bass: I think I just did.

Chuck Bass: [Blair wakes up and is confused to see Chuck sleeping on her bed, then she slaps him] Ow!
Blair Waldorf: Who? What? When? Where? Why?
Chuck Bass: We were up late plotting against Georgina. We must have dozed off.
Blair Waldorf: And you were on the floor.
Chuck Bass: I didn't want to hurt my back.
Blair Waldorf: Why? It's not like you ever do anything athletic.
Chuck Bass: Well, that's not entirely true, now is it?
Blair Waldorf: Fine, nothing that requires you removing your scarf.
Chuck Bass: That was one time, it was chilly.
Blair Waldorf: Ugh, enough about the past. Before you landed in my bed, we actually landed on a good idea.
Chuck Bass: [looks at his watch] Well, I trust you can take it from here. I have a best man speech to write and no time to write it.
Blair Waldorf: Don't worry, I can be bitch enough for both of us.
Chuck Bass: I've still got the scars on my back to prove it. You know, they say if you love something, you should set it free.
Blair Waldorf: Ugh! They say when you hate something, you should slam the door in its face!
Chuck Bass: I love it when you talk dirty, Blair.

Blair Waldorf: Don't worry I can be a bitch enough for the both of us.
Chuck Bass: I've still got the scars on my back to prove it.
Chuck Bass: You know they say if you love something you should set it free.
Blair Waldorf: Ugh. They say when you hate something you should slam the door in its face.
Chuck Bass: I love it when you talk dirty Blair.

Blair Waldorf: It's not like you ever do anything athletic.
Chuck Bass: Well that's not entirely true now is it.
Blair Waldorf: Fine, nothing that requires removing your scarf.
Chuck Bass: That was one time, it was chilly.

[Blair wakes up holding Chuck and then slaps him]
Blair Waldorf: Ow!
Chuck Bass: Who, what, when, where, why?
Blair Waldorf: We were up late plotting against Georgina. We must have dozed off.
Chuck Bass: And you were on the floor!
Blair Waldorf: I didn't want to hurt my back.
Chuck Bass: Why? It's not like you do anything athletic.
Blair Waldorf: Well that's not entirely true now is it?
Chuck Bass: Fine. Nothing that requires you moving your scarf.
Blair Waldorf: It was one time, it was chilly.
Chuck Bass: Enough about the past. Before you landed in my bed, we actually landed on a good idea.
Blair Waldorf: Well I trust you can take it from here. I have a best man's speech to write, and no time to write it.
Chuck Bass: Don't worry, I can be bitch enough for the both of us.
Blair Waldorf: I still have the scars on my back to prove it.
[Blair starts pushing him out the door]
Blair Waldorf: You know, they say if you love something you should set it free.
Chuck Bass: Ugh! They say when you hate something you should slam the door in its face!
Blair Waldorf: I love it when you talk dirty Blair.


"Gossip Girl: New Haven Can Wait (#2.6)" (2008)
Dorota: Ms. Serena and you are still not speaking?
Blair Waldorf: Not a word in a week. Though I can't seem to escape her. Ever since my mother's show Manhattan has turned into Serenaville.
Dorota: I heard Marc Jacobs named a purse after her.
[Blair looks at her angrily]
Blair Waldorf: Well I simply don't understand the fascination. Unfortunately Yale is out of her reach.

Serena van der Woodsen: Brown is an Ivy league school.
Blair Waldorf: Everyone knows that the only real Ivies are the holy trinity: Harvard, Yale, and Princeton.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well I know you may find this hard to believe but not everyone wants to go to Yale because not everyone wants to be Blair Waldorf.
Blair Waldorf: Not everyone can be. Since we're not friends anymore let me speak frankly, your not that smart. You lack focus and discipline. Charm is all well and good but in the real world knowledge is power. You wouldn't make it past the first round of admissions at Yale no matter how hard you tried. Have fun in Providence.
[Blair walks off]

Blair Waldorf: [Blair referring to Serena to her Yale interviewer] Well I'm aware that I lack some people's easy grace with strangers, and I don't exactly make you feel you've known me forever even though we just met. When I laugh you might not smile just that the coquettish sound of it and I may not be spontaneous or delightful or full of surprises and my hair may not sparkle when it catches the light! Everything worth knowing about me is in that folder. I made sure of it.

Blair Waldorf: What are you doing Serena?
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh these lovely people were just showing me the course catalog.
Blair Waldorf: No, here Yale. Yale is mine.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well I admit I came to punish you for the things you said to me this morning.
Blair Waldorf: Fine, consider me punished. You can go home now!

Serena van der Woodsen: I'm so glad they did this alphabetically, cause now I get to see the look on your face when I use your answer even sooner.
Blair Waldorf: I can tell you right now the look on my face will be a vindication.

Blair Waldorf: Of all the things, Nate, my mom, the girls at school - you wouldn't take this from me.
[pause]
Blair Waldorf: Because if you do, I swear I will take you down.
Blair Waldorf: I'm not taking anything from you Blair, I was invited. And as for taking me down, I'd love to see you try.

Serena van der Woodsen: I can't do it anymore Blair.
Blair Waldorf: That's because you almost lost. I had you pinned with that chicken wing, don't deny it.
Serena van der Woodsen: I don't mean this, I mean everything. The wars, the betrayal, the watching out for every possible land mine. It's exhausting.
Blair Waldorf: I'm sick of it too. I'm sick of always looking like Darth Vader next to sunshine Barbie. Life's to short, but you make it feel so long.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well if that's how we feel then maybe, maybe we shouldn't be friends. We were probably gonna grow apart in college anyway, so might as well just start now right?
Blair Waldorf: Fine by me. You'll live your life, I'll live mine.
Serena van der Woodsen: That sounds great.
Blair Waldorf: I agree.

Blair Waldorf: What are you doing here? Making sure the Dean knows it's all my fault?
Serena van der Woodsen: No - I came to tell him that Yale is your dream and you deserve to go here more than I do. What are you doing here?
Blair Waldorf: Doing the same thing for you.

Blair Waldorf: I don't wanna not know you. I can't not know you.
Serena van der Woodsen: Maybe we just had that fight because the reality of being separated next year is just scary to think about.
Blair Waldorf: So...
[Serena grabs Blair's hand]
Serena van der Woodsen: Wait for me. We'll ride home together.
Blair Waldorf: Okay.

Serena van der Woodsen: I won't accept, I can't like this.
[talking about her Yale acceptance]
Blair Waldorf: What? No you have to. It doesn't matter how you got it or why, it's an opportunity.
Serena van der Woodsen: No your my best friend. What's mine is yours.
Blair Waldorf: You can't share this.
Serena van der Woodsen: We'll find a way, together.
[hugs Blair]

Serena van der Woodsen: You look calm for someone who no longer has the perfect answer to the Dean's question.
Blair Waldorf: You don't think I came all the way here without a backup answer do you? Oh and it's a real crowd pleaser, it's gonna kill.

Blair Waldorf: Trying to come up with an answer for the Dean's parlor game?
Serena van der Woodsen: You manipulated your way in here?
Blair Waldorf: I get what I want Serena. Just like I'm gonna win tonight. What's your answer? Oh, no let me guess - Lauren Conrad?
Serena van der Woodsen: Try George Sand.
Blair Waldorf: Wait that's...
Serena van der Woodsen: Your answer? Not anymore. If your gonna cheat your way in then why should I play fair. Oh and I heard that the Dean asks his question in alphabetical order so since V comes before W, looks like the answers all mine.

Serena van der Woodsen: I cannot believe you did this.
Blair Waldorf: Why? It's not like you don't deserve it.
Dean Berube: Ms. van der Woodsen, would you like to explain?
Serena van der Woodsen: No, of course Dean Berube. Pete Fairman was a man that I knew.
Blair Waldorf: Man slash dealer.
Dean Berube: Ms. Waldorf let her speak.
Serena van der Woodsen: He died almost two years ago when I was with him. What happened was a tragedy and I am filled with regret over it, but I was not responsible.
Blair Waldorf: Were you responsible for the sextape?
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair!
Blair Waldorf: It wasn't very sexy if you ask me.
[Blair starts chucking and trying to taunt Serena]
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair that's enough let's go! Dean Berube, do you mind if we um, sort this out privately please?
Dean Berube: Take all the time you need.

Blair Waldorf: [Serena takes Blair outside of the Dean's house] Get your hands off of me! You're trying to kill me too!
Serena van der Woodsen: A guy died and you use it as part of a game? Who does that?
Blair Waldorf: It isn't a game! And this isn't just another thing on a laundry list, this is Yale, my dream! You crossed the line!
Serena van der Woodsen: And so did you when you brought up Pete! As far as my being here, you take that up with the school!
[Serena starts to walk off and then Blair throws her purse at Serena's head]
Serena van der Woodsen: You did not just do that.
Blair Waldorf: Why do you think you were invited? You know on paper your not Yale material! Could it be your face on page six of every tabloid magazine in the country? Your name everywhere? Face it Serena, Yale needs to up their hue rating just like all the other schools and their gonna use girls like you to do it!
Serena van der Woodsen: Shut up!
[Serena pushes Blair]
Blair Waldorf: You shut up!
[Blair pushes Serena and they both get in a catfight]


"Gossip Girl: A Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate (#1.13)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: Game over.
Chuck Bass: It's not over until I say it's over.
Blair Waldorf: Well, have fun playing with yourself then.

Blair Waldorf: Look, if you were going to tell Nate you would have done so in Monaco but you don't want him to hate you and you know he would. Game over.
Chuck Bass: Game's not over 'til I say it is.
Blair Waldorf: Then have fun playing with yourself.

Serena van der Woodsen: Blair...
Blair Waldorf: What? You want a lift to JFK?
Serena van der Woodsen: Your mom said you were going to France tonight.
Blair Waldorf: Well, she has a big mouth.
Serena van der Woodsen: B, I'm your best friend. She was shocked I didn't know.
Blair Waldorf: Well now you do.
Serena van der Woodsen: What I know is how you felt when I left without telling you.
Blair Waldorf: Is there a reason your here?
Serena van der Woodsen: Stay. Don't let some stupid scandal make you run away like it did me. Like it does everyone in our world.
Blair Waldorf: Everything's horrible. My whole life's falling apart.
Serena van der Woodsen: So rebuild it. Your a Waldorf remember? People don't tell you who you are, you tell them. Stay and fight. I'll fight with you.
Blair Waldorf: I'm so embarrassed. I'm so...
Serena van der Woodsen: So what? Start over. It can be done. I should know. We'll get through this together.
Blair Waldorf: You promise?
Serena van der Woodsen: Promise.

Serena van der Woodsen: Morning. Anybody notice the weather today?
Blair Waldorf: What?
Serena van der Woodsen: Take a look outside, B. My first response would be that the sky is a clear blue easy.
Blair Waldorf: Dorota you may be excused now.
Serena van der Woodsen: I can't believe you didn't tell me about you and Nate.
Blair Waldorf: What did he say?
Serena van der Woodsen: Nothing. Chuck did, when I went to see him because I thought maybe he could talk some sense into you.
Blair Waldorf: You had no right to do that.
Serena van der Woodsen: I was trying to help you B. I took a public bullet for you. Let another rumor about me run rampant, the whole school heard, even Dan.
Eleanor Waldorf: What's going on?
Serena van der Woodsen: Ask Blair. Her version of the story's always better.
[looks at Blair]
Serena van der Woodsen: Fine.
[Serena leaves]
Eleanor Waldorf: You alright?
Blair Waldorf: Never been better.
Eleanor Waldorf: Well Serena has. What's wrong?
Blair Waldorf: I don't know. I can't be held responsible for her mood swings.
Eleanor Waldorf: Were you arguing about the possibility that your condition may have returned?
Blair Waldorf: No and it hasn't.
Eleanor Waldorf: I heard you. The other day in your bathroom with the water running.
Blair Waldorf: I'm very stressed and with you and Serena down my throat I can hardly think straight, never mind keep food down.
Eleanor Waldorf: Maybe you just need to take a little break, visit your father. Leon is beautiful this time of year.
Blair Waldorf: Maybe this summer!
Eleanor Waldorf: Summer sounds great, finish your breakfast.

Nate Archibald: What are you doing here?
Blair Waldorf: Your mom let me in.
Nate Archibald: I didn't ask how you got in, I asked why you came.
Blair Waldorf: To talk, about us.
Nate Archibald: There's no "us", Blair.
Blair Waldorf: Yes there is. We finally really have a chance to start over.
Nate Archibald: You know all this time I felt so bad for everything I've done. And when you said you wanted to leave the past in the past I didn't know we were talking about YOUR past.
Blair Waldorf: You had just broken my hear. I made a decision I was in no condition to make.
Nate Archibald: But your clear-headed now right?
Blair Waldorf: Yes.
Nate Archibald: You understand perfectly when I say I want nothing else to do with you Blair. You and Chuck deserve each other.
Blair Waldorf: You know Chuck would say anything, twist the truth.
Nate Archibald: But Jenny wouldn't.
Blair Waldorf: Jenny?
Nate Archibald: And don't go blaming any of this on her Blair. I would've found out eventually. I said I'm done. It's over. Now would you please leave.
[Blair just stands there]
Nate Archibald: Fine, stay as long as you like, I'll leave.

Serena van der Woodsen: Hey B what's up?
Blair Waldorf: I can't believe you told Jenny about me and Chuck.
Serena van der Woodsen: What, I, I didn't.
Blair Waldorf: Because of her everybody knows the intimate details of my private life and now Nate's not speaking to me.
Serena van der Woodsen: But I, I told you B, I didn't tell Jenny. I don't know how she found out.
Blair Waldorf: Did you tell Dan?
Serena van der Woodsen: What?
Blair Waldorf: You did. You told your low rent boyfriend and he told his social-climbing sister who wears my hand-me-downs and she blabbed to Nate.
Serena van der Woodsen: I can't believe your attacking Dan and Jenny.
Blair Waldorf: Did you or did you not tell him?
Serena van der Woodsen: I did but only because you weren't dealing with it and I wanted advice on how to help you.
Blair Waldorf: I can't believe you don't get it. The rules are different for the Serena van der Woodsen's of the world. People expect you to party, and be wild, sleep with whoever you want, runaway, come back!
Serena van der Woodsen: Wait, are we really going back there?
Blair Waldorf: You shot your reputation to hell a long time ago! It doesn't matter what you do, but I'm a Waldorf!
Serena van der Woodsen: Well since you and your reputation obviously don't need me and my low rent taste, you and the Waldorf name can whether this storm alone!
Blair Waldorf: With pleasure.

Penelope: Hey Jenny.
Jenny Humphrey: Hi.
Hazel: Are you joining us?
Jenny Humphrey: Um...
[Blair walks up]
Blair Waldorf: What are you doing here?
Jenny Humphrey: I was just leaving.
Penelope: No stay. Blair given you can barely manage your own messy affairs surely your not in a position to tell anyone where they can and can't eat.
Blair Waldorf: Do you realize who you're talking to?
Hazel: You mean a self righteous b who always sat on her own high horse judging everyone else.
Penelope: Pregnant little hypocrite.
Blair Waldorf: Not that it's any of your business but I'm not pregnant.
Hazel: Nate must be thrilled.
Penelope: Chuck too.
Blair Waldorf: What are you talking about?
Hazel: The whole school saw them throwing down over your G-bass.
Penelope: The boyfriend and the best friend.
Hazel: Pretty classy.
Penelope: Consider yourself dethroned queen bee.
[Penelope and Hazel walk away]
Blair Waldorf: Jenny, is highly unlikely that I will ever forgive you for going to Nate but if you walk away from me now, I will also ruin you.
Jenny Humphrey: How are you gonna do that?
[Jenny walks off]

Blair Waldorf: You're late.
[Jenny just came to meet Blair on the steps on the Met]
Jenny Humphrey: Yeah I know I had to drop off some books at the library, sorry.
Blair Waldorf: Could you do me a favor?
Jenny Humphrey: Anything.
Blair Waldorf: Move down a couple steps.
Jenny Humphrey: Ya know this whole hazing thing's getting a bit old don't you think be?
Blair Waldorf: First of all the hazing stops when I say it stops and for future reference only my friends call me B.
Jenny Humphrey: You know I'm actually gonna go. I have a lot of stuff to do before class.
Penelope: Jenny...
Blair Waldorf: Please she'll be back.

Serena van der Woodsen: Hey B.
Blair Waldorf: What are you doing here?
Serena van der Woodsen: In the neighborhood.
Blair Waldorf: Can we talk later? Despite your best efforts to ruin it I'm actually having a good day and I don't want anything to spoil it. Guess who asked me to visit 'The Captain' with him?
Serena van der Woodsen: I dunno Nate?
Blair Waldorf: Yes, it's like he finally needs me and he isn't afraid to...
Serena van der Woodsen: Look B I understand why your reluctant to burst your happy bubble but I'm not giving up.
Blair Waldorf: Well sorry if unlike some people I haven't been on the pill since I was 15.
Serena van der Woodsen: Ok I am giving up. Before you start planning your perfect night with Nate don't you think you should...
Blair Waldorf: I'm not pregnant Serena!

Serena van der Woodsen: Hello?
Blair Waldorf: Hey S it's B. Two things, first I'm sorry. About Dan, about the Gossip Girl blast, and about not telling you about Nate.
Serena van der Woodsen: Okay.
Blair Waldorf: You were just so hard on me about Chuck I didn't want to be judged for sleeping with them both.
Serena van der Woodsen: I understand. Apology accepted.
Blair Waldorf: That was fast. If I were you I would've made me work for it a little bit harder.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well I think you've suffered enough.
Blair Waldorf: And second thing...
Serena van der Woodsen: Wait that's already like three things.
Blair Waldorf: I took the test, I'm not pregnant!
Serena van der Woodsen: OH, OH oh my gosh are you kidd ing me?
Blair Waldorf: AAAHHHH!
[laughing and screaming at the same time]
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm so happy, you would've had no idea what to wear to a paternity herring.
Blair Waldorf: Clean slate?
Serena van der Woodsen: Clean state. I'm so happy, see you at school!

Serena van der Woodsen: Hey guys.
Kati Farkas: Hey.
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm not pregnant.
Kati Farkas: Oh, cool.
Isabel Coates: Congratulations.
Hazel: Selibitory drinks after school?
Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah sure, Blair can I talk to you?
Blair Waldorf: Of course. Excuse me.
Serena van der Woodsen: Did you get my text?
Blair Waldorf: Of course, yes I did but...
Serena van der Woodsen: So then you know I told Dan I'm not pregnant.
Blair Waldorf: Yes and I am so happy for you, close call huh.
Serena van der Woodsen: Are we really gonna play that old game B?
Blair Waldorf: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Serena van der Woodsen: Whenever something happens that's not a part of your plan you pretend like it doesn't exist. You act like you're in this movie about your perfect like and then I have to remind you the only one watching that movie's you.
[pause]
Serena van der Woodsen: You admitted that your period was late.
Blair Waldorf: Yes I've been very stressed I had that chem test on Friday.
Serena van der Woodsen: And your acting like a total bitch because you're not hormonal?
Blair Waldorf: Maybe I am a total bitch did you ever think about that?
Serena van der Woodsen: Just take the test B.
[Serena hands Blair a pregnancy test]
Blair Waldorf: Stop it!
Blair Waldorf: Just take the test. You need to know if you and Chuck are gonna have a baby.
[Serena leaves]

Blair Waldorf: You're all I have left.
Chuck Bass: Actually, you don't even have me.
Blair Waldorf: Enough.
Chuck Bass: I'll try to be more succinct. You held a certain fascination when you were beautiful, delicate and untouched. But now you're like... one of the Arabians my father used to own. Rode hard and put away wet. I don't want you anymore and I can't see why anyone else would.


"Gossip Girl: Pilot (#1.1)" (2007)
Serena van der Woodsen: So hows your mom going, with the divorce and all?
Blair Waldorf: Great. So my dad left her for another man- she lost fifteen pounds and got an eyelift. It's been good for her.
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm really sorry.
Blair Waldorf: Yeah, I could tell. Since you didn't call or write the entire time it was happening.

Serena van der Woodsen: How's your mom doing with the divorce?
Blair Waldorf: So, my dad left her for another man. She lost 15 pounds, got an eye lift. It's been good for her.

Eleanor Waldorf: If you're gonna wear one of my designs, at least tell me so we can have it fitted.
Blair Waldorf: Thanks, mom.

Serena van der Woodsen: Blair. Maybe we could meet tonight?
Blair Waldorf: I'd love to! But I'm doing something with Nate tonight.
Serena van der Woodsen: The Palace. 8:00? Nate will wait.
Gossip Girl: [narration; voice-over] Spotted at the Constance Billard Steps, S & B power struggle.
Blair Waldorf: I could only do... half hour?
Serena van der Woodsen: Thanks for making the time.
Blair Waldorf: You're my best friend.

Serena van der Woodsen: So, when's the party?
Blair Waldorf: Saturday... and you're kinda not invited. Since, until 12 hours ago, we all thought you were at boarding school. And Jenny used up all the invites.
Jenny Humphrey: Actually... "
Blair Waldorf: You can go now.

Serena van der Woodsen: I miss you. I just want things to go back to the way they used to be. Ya know walking to school together. Dancing on tables at Bungalow. Midnight swimming at your mom's country house. Your like my sister. And ya know with our families, we need each other.
Blair Waldorf: Well, you missed some classic Eleanor Waldorf meltdowns. If it wasn't such a tradgedy it would've been funny. Actually it kind of was.
[both girls laugh]
Serena van der Woodsen: Well I wish I could've been there.
Blair Waldorf: You are now. I have to meet Nate. Kinda have something special planned.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well I don't wanna keep you but um...
Serena van der Woodsen: [gives Blair a hug] I love you B.
Blair Waldorf: I love you too S.

Chuck Bass: Who is that?
Blair Waldorf: Probably some bitch from Chapin.
Chuck Bass: A hot bitch from Chapin.

Eleanor Waldorf: Blair, if you're going to wear one of my designs, tell me so we can at least get it properly fitted.
Blair Waldorf: Thanks, mom. I'll keep that in mind. Great party.
Eleanor Waldorf: [to party guest] She is my best advertisement.

Blair Waldorf: She better not show her face again.
Chuck Bass: I'm actually hoping she will.

Blair Waldorf: Do you want us to wait? It looks like you've got a lot of yogurt left.

Blair Waldorf: I love you Nate Archibald. Always have, always will.

Serena van der Woodsen: How's your mom doing with the divorce?
Blair Waldorf: Great. So my dad left her for another man. She lost fifteen pounds, got an eyelift. It's been good for her.


"Gossip Girl: Dare Devil (#1.5)" (2007)
Blair Waldorf: [after Serena tells her she'll try to stop by the sleepover after her date with Dan] I'm not a stop along the way; I'm a destination

Blair Waldorf: Fashion knows not of comfort

Jenny Humphrey: So Eric's here, now it's your turn. Truth or dare?
Blair Waldorf: You have to ask?
Jenny Humphrey: I dare you to make out with that guy.
Blair Waldorf: Easy.
Jenny Humphrey: And mean it.
Blair Waldorf: Watch and learn little Humphrey.
[walks over to kiss the stockbroker guy]
Blair Waldorf: [the friend of the guy says he hopes Amanda doesn't find out]
Blair Waldorf: Who's Amanda?
Club Stockbroker: Just my girlfriend.
Blair Waldorf: Amanda never has to know does she.
Club Stockbroker: I'm not tellin' her!
[laughs with his friends]
Blair Waldorf: Look what I got.
[stole stockbroker's phone]
Blair Waldorf: I dare you to call his girlfriend, her name's Amanda.
Jenny Humphrey: Done and done.
[calls Amanda]
Jenny Humphrey: Hello? Amanda, hi this is Bl... Claire. Yeah, I just had my tongue down your boyfriend's throat and he neglected to tell me you existed until after it was over. Just thought you should know. He's a real catch! Bye.
[the girls laugh]
Blair Waldorf: Alright, sleepover of the year!

Amanda: Where is she?
Club Stockbroker: Baby, what, who, I'm here at the club with the guys.
[walks over to Blair]
Club Stockbroker: Hey! Excuse me, hello? Where's my phone?
Dan Humphrey: Hey, hey let go of her.
Club Stockbroker: Who the hell are you?
Blair Waldorf: His phone is at our table. If you weren't so drunk and drooling over every girl in this place you would've seen that.
Amanda: I'm gonna kill you!
Blair Waldorf: Oh you must be Amanda right? Well I would think twice before marrying him 'cause he's a pig.
[Amanda lunges at Blair but Serena stops her]
Serena van der Woodsen: Hey, hey, hey back off of her okay?
Blair Waldorf: I don't need you to defend me.
Jenny Humphrey: I wasn't even her who called you it was me.
Dan Humphrey: Jenny?
Amanda: So she's the one with the tongue?
Dan Humphrey: Tongue, tongue! What are you even doing here your supposed to be at a sleepover.
Amanda: You made out with a girl from a sleepover?
Dan Humphrey: You made out with him?
Club Stockbroker: I made out with her.
[looks at Blair]
Blair Waldorf: Eww. It was a dare.
Amanda: A dare? What are you children?
Dan Humphrey: Yeah pretty much she's 14.
[looking at Jenny]
Amanda, Club Stockbroker: 14!
[Amanda and stockbroker say in unison]
Club Stockbroker: Jesus I swear, I had no idea baby. I mean look at her, I mean she's jailbangin'.
Dan Humphrey: What, what's that?
Jenny Humphrey: Dan stay out of it okay? Your just causing more problems than your solving.
Dan Humphrey: The only thing causing a problem is the cocktail napkin your wearing.
Club Stockbroker: That's what I'm talkin' about!

Blair Waldorf: What was that I heard? Erik's coming home? It's perfect timing.
Serena van der Woodsen: How so?
Blair Waldorf: Well it gives your mother and brother time to bond alone tonight while you get drunk on schnapps and moon the NYU doors from the limo.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair what are you talking about?
Blair Waldorf: S it's only the most important night of the fall.
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, the sleepover.
Blair Waldorf: I prefer soiree. Sleepover is so sophomore year.
Serena van der Woodsen: Look you know I can't go to that I have that plan.
Blair Waldorf: Serena, when there's a Waldorf soiree, there's nothing else in the social calendar.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair the plan is Dan. Remember the guy you realized who's actually a human being and worthy of your time and attention? No offense.
[in reference to Jenny's brother]
Jenny Humphrey: None taken.
Serena van der Woodsen: Look I'm really sorry but this date is unbreakable. Maybe we can swing by later or something...
Blair Waldorf: I'm not a stop along the way I'm a destination and if you refuse to attend I'm gonna have to find a replacement, girls the waiting list.
Serena van der Woodsen: Ok, um well I should get going.

Blair Waldorf: Little Jenny Humphrey, why didn't I think of you before? You have no plans your coming to the soiree.
Jenny Humphrey: Me, really?
Kati Farkas, Isabel Coates: Her really?
[Kati and Isabel say in unison]
Blair Waldorf: The thing is, if you come, you'll have to be up to a little more than just sleeping.
Jenny Humphrey: I'm up for anything!
Blair Waldorf: My place. Seven o'clock sharp.
Jenny Humphrey: Okay, bye!
Blair Waldorf: Oh, a girl's first sleepover. Something she'll never forget, let's make sure of it.
Harper: Taking bets on how long she lasts.
Maya: Fifty bucks says an hour and not one minute more.

Blair Waldorf: Let's wrap this up shall we. Truth or dare? Oh, and you already used your truth.
Jenny Humphrey: So... dare?
Blair Waldorf: I dare you to jailbreak Erik.
Jenny Humphrey: Blair...
Blair Waldorf: It's perfect. You want in and he wants out. What's it gonna be? Do or die little J.
Jenny Humphrey: Let's do it.

Jenny Humphrey: Catch.
[throws Blair her keys]
Blair Waldorf: Jenny? Well, well looks like you came to play afterall. You know which trundle bed is yours. Sleep tight. You've earned it.
Jenny Humphrey: Actually I'm going home but thanks for inviting me it was a blast.
Blair Waldorf: What do you mean you're going home? Nobody ever leaves a sleepover.
Jenny Humphrey: Well I guess there's a first for everything. Oh and I'm keeping the jacket if that's okay with you. Monday lunch on the steps?
Blair Waldorf: Done and done.

Blair Waldorf: [pretending to be a drug addict while jailbreaking Eric] Okay, I have a problem, I have a big probleeem. Starts with the capital X
Ostroff Nurse: What drugs have you been taking?
Blair Waldorf: Hmmm, caffein, nicotin, ketamin, JGP, PCP, LSD, juraidasepam? Floreaisepam? All the pams really, you know, I don't discriminate.
Ostroff Nurse: Apparently not.
[on the phone]
Ostroff Nurse: Code yellow, floor six. Why don't you wait right here? I'll get a doctor.

Blair Waldorf: [to Jenny, when she refuses to drink alcohol] It's a party, Jenny. You either swallow that or swipe your metro card back home.

Club Stockbroker: Hey baby, do you what to, uh... maybe show me the bathroom, get lost somewhere around coat check?
Blair Waldorf: Well, my answer is usually "never say never", but for you I'll make an exception.


"Gossip Girl: Summer Kind of Wonderful (#2.1)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: A hot lifeguard is like kleenex, use once and throw away!

Blair Waldorf: Damn that mother-chucker!

[Blair about to leave with Marcus]
Blair Waldorf: Chuck, aren't you done trying to destroy my night?
Chuck Bass: Look, I should have never abandoned you. I know I made the wrong decision as soon as your plane took off. I distracted myself all summer, you might not feel it, but I still do.
Blair Waldorf: And?
Chuck Bass: I was scared, I was scared if we spent the whole summer together just us, you'll see.
Blair Waldorf: See what?
Chuck Bass: Me. Please don't leave with him.
Blair Waldorf: Why? Give me a reason, and "I'm Chuck Bass" doesn't count.
Chuck Bass: 'Cause you don't want to.
Blair Waldorf: Not good enough.
Chuck Bass: 'Cause I don't want you to.
Blair Waldorf: That's not enough.
Chuck Bass: What else is there?
Blair Waldorf: The true reason I should stay right where I am and not get into the car. Three words, eight letter. Say it, and I'm yours.
Chuck Bass: I... I...
Blair Waldorf: Thank you, that's all I needed to hear.

Blair Waldorf: Oh a honk instead of a knock. Did someone order a townie?

Blair Waldorf: I wasn't aware that robots got jealous. Did they update your software when I was away?

Blair Waldorf: The only thing lamer than dating Dan Humphrey is mourning Dan Humphrey.

Blair Waldorf: [turns] Chuck, aren't you done trying to ruin my night?
Chuck Bass: Look, I never should have abandoned you. I knew that I had made the wrong decision as soon as your plane took off. I distracted myself all summer, hoping that I wouldn't feel it. But I still do.
Blair Waldorf: And?
Chuck Bass: I was scared. I was scared that if we spent the whole summer together, just us... you would see.
Blair Waldorf: See what?
Chuck Bass: Me.
[steps closer]
Chuck Bass: Please don't leave with him.
Blair Waldorf: Why? Give me a reason. And "I'm Chuck Bass" doesn't count.
Chuck Bass: 'Cause you don't want to.
Blair Waldorf: Not good enough.
Chuck Bass: 'Cause I don't want you to.
[gets closer]
Chuck Bass: What else is there?
Blair Waldorf: The true reason I should stay right where I am and not get in the car. Three words, eight letters. Say it, and I'm yours.
Chuck Bass: [quiet] I... I www...
Blair Waldorf: Thank you. That's all I needed to hear.
[turns and joins Marcus in the car]

Blair Waldorf: Damn that mother chucker!

Chuck Bass: Look, I never should have abandoned you. I knew I made the wrong decision as soon as your plane took off. I distracted myself all summer, hoping I wouldn't feel it, but I still do.
Blair Waldorf: And?
Chuck Bass: I was scared. Scared that if we spent the whole summer together, just us, you would see...
Blair Waldorf: See what?
Chuck Bass: Me... please don't leave with him.
Blair Waldorf: Why? Give me a reason. And 'I'm Chuck Bass' doesn't count.
Chuck Bass: Because you don't want to.
Blair Waldorf: Not good enough.
Chuck Bass: Because I don't want you to.
Blair Waldorf: It's not enough.
[Blair on the verge of tears]
Chuck Bass: What else is there?
Blair Waldorf: The true reason I should stay right where I am and not get in the car, three words, eight letters... say it and I'm yours.
Chuck Bass: I... I...
Blair Waldorf: Thank you. That's all I needed to hear.

Chuck Bass: Please don't leave with him.
Blair Waldorf: Why? Give me a reason. And, 'I'm Chuck Bass' doesn't count.
Chuck Bass: Because you don't want to.
Blair Waldorf: That's not good enough.
Chuck Bass: Because I don't want you to.
Blair Waldorf: Not good enough.
Chuck Bass: What else is there?
Blair Waldorf: The true reason I should stay right where I am and not get in the car. Three words. Eight letters. Say it... and I'm yours.
Chuck Bass: I... I...
Blair Waldorf: Thank you. That's all I needed to hear.


"Gossip Girl: Woman on the Verge (#1.17)" (2008)
Nate Archibald: She's right, Serena. I mean, none of us are saints.
Blair Waldorf: [looks at Chuck] Yeah, I had sex with him in the back of a limo.
Chuck Bass: Several times.
Nate Archibald: [looks at Serena] I had sex with you, at a wedding while I was her date.
Nate Archibald: [looks at Chuck] Once.
Blair Waldorf: [looks at Chuck]
Chuck Bass: I'm Chuck Bass.

Dan Humphrey: Wait, don't you all hate each other?
Blair Waldorf: Yes.
Nate Archibald: Absolutely.
Chuck Bass: No.

Serena van der Woodsen: Dan puts me on a pedestal. If he knew the truth he would never look at me again.
Chuck Bass: Okay, you're starting to scare even me. What did you do?
Nate Archibald: C'mon, you can tell us.
Blair Waldorf: We've seen you with vomit in your hair, making out with investment bankers at PJ Clark's. You don't have to hide anything from us.

Nate Archibald: She's right Serena. I mean, none of us are saints.
Blair Waldorf: [points at Chuck] Yeah, I had sex with him in the back of a limo.
Chuck Bass: Several times.
Nate Archibald: I had sex with you at a wedding, while I was her date.
[looks at Chuck]
Nate Archibald: Once.
Blair Waldorf: [looks at Chuck]
Chuck Bass: I'm Chuck Bass.

Blair Waldorf: Don't send her away.
Lily van der Woodsen: Blair, it's, it's not polite to interrupt.
Blair Waldorf: I don't care who hears, just don't send her away.
Lily van der Woodsen: Excuse me. Thank you Blair but it's not exactly your business what I do with my daughter. If anything your one of the reasons that I'm having to take such strong actions.
Blair Waldorf: I say this with all due respect Lily but you have no idea what your daughter's been going through. She's in a lot of pain. And I don't think the pain's gonna go away if she goes away.
Lily van der Woodsen: I don't understand what your trying to tell me.
Blair Waldorf: Serena has a secret. And she's been holding on to it for a long, long time and now it's finally catching up with her. I'm out of my league here. I can't do anymore than I've done and it's not enough. She needs you.
Lily van der Woodsen: I saw the video she doesn't need me she needs boundaries.
Blair Waldorf: What you saw isn't the whole story.

Blair Waldorf: What if I told you I know where Georgina Sparks was right now?
Chuck Bass: I say let's get the bitch.

Serena van der Woodsen: What are you doing here?
Blair Waldorf: I'm a big Leakly Hawk fan!

Serena van der Woodsen, Blair Waldorf: Hey, what are you doing here?
Blair Waldorf: Uh... I'm a big Leaky Hawk fan.

Serena van der Woodsen: Dan puts me on a pedestal. If he knew the truth he would never look at me again.
Chuck Bass: You're starting to scare even me. What did you do?
Nate Archibald: C'mon, you can tell us.
Blair Waldorf: We've seen you with vomit in your hair, making out with investment bankers in the men's room at PJ Clarks. You don't have to hide anything from us.
Nate Archibald: She's right, Serena. I mean, none of us are saints.
Blair Waldorf: Yeah.
[Points at Chuck]
Blair Waldorf: I had sex with him in the back of a limo.
Chuck Bass: Several times.
Nate Archibald: I had sex with you, at a wedding while I was her date.
[looks at Chuck]
Nate Archibald: Once.
Chuck Bass: I'm Chuck Bass.
Blair Waldorf: You can tell us anything.
[Serena shakes her head]
Blair Waldorf: We don't judge. We're the non-judging Breakfast Club. We're your best friends. Anything you do is something we did too.
Serena van der Woodsen: [looks at Blair, Nate, and Chuck] If I tell you, it can never leave this room.

Blair Waldorf: [to Serena] We've seen you with vomit in your hair making out with investment bankers in the men's room at PJ Clark's; you don't have to hide anything from us.
Nate Archibald: She's right Serena, I mean none of us are saints.
Blair Waldorf: Yeah I had sex with him in the back of a limo
[points to Chuck]
Blair Waldorf: .
Chuck Bass: Several times.
Nate Archibald: I had sex with you at a wedding when I was her date. Once.
Chuck Bass: I'm Chuck Bass.


"Gossip Girl: In the Realm of the Basses (#2.14)" (2009)
Blair Waldorf: You idiot! You don't surprise someone standing off the edge of a building!

Chuck Bass: No one cares.
Blair Waldorf: I do. Don't you understand? I'll always be here. I don't want you going anywhere. I couldn't bear it. So whatever you want to do to yourself, please don't do it to me. Please.
Chuck Bass: I'm sorry.

Blair Waldorf: I'm not abandoning Chuck. I'm just saving myself.

Serena van der Woodsen: [to Blair] B, is everything okay? I came as fast as I could.
Blair Waldorf: Fine, false alarm.
Serena van der Woodsen: Wait, what happened?
Blair Waldorf: Chuck. He's holed up at Victrola in some Jim Morrison downward spiral, sad in a way. Luckily it's not my concern.

Serena van der Woodsen: [to Blair] Hey, did Jack find Chuck?
Blair Waldorf: Yeah, what was left of him. I'm surprised they made it through Customs. Chuck's body odor could have given a contact high to half of Manhattan.

Blair Waldorf: Chuck, stop. All this doesn't help. It isn't you.
Chuck Bass: Wrong. Bart may have been a bastard, but he saw me better than anyone. Simply living up to my potential. It's time to let go of your fantasies.

Chuck Bass: [shouts] I'm Chuck Bass!
[pauses]
Chuck Bass: No one cares.
Blair Waldorf: I do. Don't you understand? I'll always be here. I don't want you going anywhere, I couldn't bear it. So whatever you want to do to yourself, please don't do that to me.
[reaches to Chuck]
Blair Waldorf: Please!

Blair Waldorf: Hey, Eric, have you seen Chuck?
Eric van der Woodsen: A while ago, he said something about wanting to take a view from above.
Jack Bass: He probably meant upstairs.
Blair Waldorf: Clearly you don't know Chuck. He has a thing for the rooftops.

Serena van der Woodsen: [to Blair] He was probably thinking about you the whole time he was gone.
Blair Waldorf: Not unless I was a Thai hooker named Bo.

Jack Bass: Blair, you came to greet us.
Blair Waldorf: Not you, Chuck. You said you found him.
Jack Bass: In Bangkok. He was staying at our hotel there. You hear the term "den of iniquity", but until you really see one...
Blair Waldorf: Do you have him or not?


"Gossip Girl: Poison Ivy (#1.3)" (2007)
Serena van der Woodsen: What's that?
Blair Waldorf: It's a letter. I wrote it while you where in boarding school. I never sent it.
[reads from letter]
Blair Waldorf: Dear Serena. My world is falling apart. My father left my mother for a thirty-one year old model. A *male* model. I feel like screaming because I have no one to talk to. You're gone. My dad is gone. Nate's acting weird.
[beat]
Blair Waldorf: Where are you? Why won't you call? Why did you leave without saying goodbye? You're supposed to be my best friend. I miss you so much. Love Blair.

Blair Waldorf: [to Serena when she is late to school] Aww, too bad you missed the assembly. Not that it matters. Brown doesn't offer degrees in slut.

Blair Waldorf: You weren't such a perv, I'm sure the CIA would hire you in a second.
Chuck Bass: Defending my country, now there's a future I never envisioned.
Blair Waldorf: With good reason.

Serena van der Woodsen: Blair, what the hell was that?
Blair Waldorf: Will you excuse us please.
Serena van der Woodsen: So we good now, we square?
Blair Waldorf: No. Because nothing I do will ever be as bad as what you did to me.
Serena van der Woodsen: Look I'm asking you please, I'll stop if you will.
Blair Waldorf: Your just saying that because today you lost and your gonna keep losing. Now if you'll excuse me unlike you I have a future to get back to.

[just after Blair read Serena her letter]
Serena van der Woodsen: Why didn't you send it? I would've...
Blair Waldorf: You would've what? You knew Serena and you didn't even call.
Serena van der Woodsen: I didn't know what to say to you or even how to be your friend after what I did. I'm so sorry.

Kati Farkas: Have you seen Serena?
Isabel Coates: I wonder where she is.
Blair Waldorf: And you know what I wonder? How I'm supposed to hear anything about Yale with all this talk about Serena.

Blair Waldorf: Do you remember when dad gave me my first Yale sweatshirt? I don't think any piece of clothing has ever fit me more perfectly. Not to mention how adorable I found that bulldog. Remember when I asked you if I could get a bulldog? Good call by the way saying no. And now the big day is finally here. Soon Nate and I will be away at college. Him coming down to Yale, me going up to Dartmouth. Dad flying in for the Princeton game. I hope it doesn't make you feel old watching me grow up.

Serena van der Woodsen: [the girls are playing field hockey] Look I made a mistake with Nate okay but then you sabotage me with Dan. We don't have to be friends...
[Blair hits Serena's foot with her stick]
Serena van der Woodsen: Ughhh!
Field Hockey Coach: What's up Waldorf?
Blair Waldorf: Sorry slipped.
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm fine.
[the game continues]
Serena van der Woodsen: I really wanna belive that was an accident.
Blair Waldorf: Then you must be delusional.
[for the second time Blair comes up and shoves Serena hard]
Blair Waldorf: [the coach gives her a flag]
Serena van der Woodsen: Thank you.
[now for the third time Blair comes up and knocks Serena to ground]
Field Hockey Coach: I'm running of colors here Blair.
Serena van der Woodsen: And I'm running out of patience. Enough okay?
Blair Waldorf: It's enough when I say it's enough.
[the game continues on again and this time Serena comes up and tackles Blair to the ground]
Blair Waldorf: Ohhh! Get off!
Field Hockey Coach: Girls break it up!
Blair Waldorf: Get off of me!
Serena van der Woodsen: Is that enough yet?
[pause]
Serena van der Woodsen: So we've actually come to physical blows huh? Truce?
Blair Waldorf: Owww! My leg!
Field Hockey Coach: Serena you're out of here!
Serena van der Woodsen: I hope it's broken.
Blair Waldorf: Owww!

Blair Waldorf: What is she doing there?
Chuck Bass: Well what's anyone doing there. It's a facility for the disturbed or addicted.
Blair Waldorf: You must have your own wing.
Chuck Bass: You don't get nearly enough credit for your wit.
[pause]
Chuck Bass: So the question is, what do you do now?
Blair Waldorf: I was thinking total social destruction.
Chuck Bass: And here I thought you were getting soft.
[pause]
Chuck Bass: So this is your bed huh?
Blair Waldorf: Leaving now.
Chuck Bass: You can repay me another time.

Blair Waldorf: [after Chuck says some nasty things] Agh, you're heinous.
Chuck Bass: [amused] Which is probably why you called.
Blair Waldorf: You know me well.


"Gossip Girl: There Might be Blood (#2.9)" (2008)
Emma Boardman: Aren't you done? You won. You, Muffy, my mom. I'm the only loser.
Blair Waldorf: You still don't get it. Having sex for the first time shouldn't be part of a competition to beat Muffy the lacrostitute. It should be with someone you love.
Emma Boardman: Was your first time with someone you loved?
[pause]
Blair Waldorf: Yes, it was. And honestly there are better ways of getting your mother's attention.
Emma Boardman: I told you this is about Muffy.
Blair Waldorf: Please I wrote the book on distracted self-centered mother's. My mom has never met a single one of my teachers, she regularly forgets my birthday, and she only comments on my appearance when she has something to criticize.
Emma Boardman: But your perfect.
Blair Waldorf: True, but that's why I finally realized it wasn't about me, the same way it's not about you.
Emma Boardman: My mom always says when we come to the city we're gonna hang out and do mother daughter things. It never happens.
Blair Waldorf: So tell her that.

Blair Waldorf: Emma, open up. Emma I know your in there.
[Blair knocking on Serge's apartment door trying to get Emma]
Emma Boardman: Go away! Serge is in the bathroom and when he gets out there's gonna be one less virgin around here.
Chuck Bass: You do have to admire her determination.
Emma Boardman: I'm not letting Muffy lose hers before me, she beats me in everything.
Chuck Bass: Tell her to check Gossip Girl.
Blair Waldorf: Emma do you have your phone? Check Gossip Girl it's important.
Emma Boardman: [picks up her phone] Look I already told you nothing's gonna... what?
[she opens the door]
Emma Boardman: It says Muffy's muff gets stuffed! Does that mean...
Blair Waldorf: That little Muffy took her first steps as a woman, afraid so.
Emma Boardman: She lost her virginity and her Gossip Girl cherry in the same night? But how did she get on Gossip Girl?
Chuck Bass: It pays to have connections.

Blair Waldorf: Thank you God so much I won't let you down.
[looks at the picture of Emma's mom and another guy kissing]
Serena van der Woodsen: Chuck's seeing if the doorman knows Emma's guy.
Blair Waldorf: Why? Who cares about him?
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair no, this poor little girl's mother's having an affair no wonder she's acting out.
Blair Waldorf: So this is my golden ticket.
[refers back to the picture]
Serena van der Woodsen: You are not blackmailing that woman to get into Yale!
Blair Waldorf: Serena! Open your eyes, this is a sign from God he wants me to do this.
Serena van der Woodsen: This family needs help!
Blair Waldorf: Well no argument there, their even more screwed up than yours.

Blair Waldorf: Looks like you got nailed just not in the way you wanted!
Emma Boardman: Give me time. Serge and I were just moving the party over to his place.
Blair Waldorf: Serge? Honestly, how tacky are you?

Blair Waldorf: You! What did you do with her?
Chuck Bass: Hey! She assaulted me. Demanded I deflower her.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, limos and virgins your specialty.
Chuck Bass: Just so you know, what are the few things I consider sacred, the back of a limo is one of them.
[Blair slightly smiles]

Serena van der Woodsen: You look beautiful. Can we go now?
Blair Waldorf: Patience love. The sooner we get there the sooner the jig is up. I'll go check on the vestal virgin.

Blair Waldorf: Well you finally did it, made absolutely sure I'm never gonna get into Yale.
Serena van der Woodsen: What are you talking about?
Blair Waldorf: Little Emma? Turns out she's less little Holly Hobby and more Jenna Jameson!
Serena van der Woodsen: Can you speak plainly?
Blair Waldorf: She's determined to become a woman on my watch and if I don't help pimmp her she's gonna charcter assassinate me to the Dean.
Serena van der Woodsen: I don't understand I thought she liked ice cream and magic.
Blair Waldorf: Next time leave the scheming to the experts. What are those?
Serena van der Woodsen: Pictures from Camp Suisse. Aaron dressed up as Cecil the caterpillar. I bumped into him outside the Palace.
Blair Waldorf: The guy gave you a ring pop when you were six, move on.
Serena van der Woodsen: It was licorice and I was eight.
Blair Waldorf: Ancient unimportant history, focus Serena you got me into this and I'm not losing Yale because that little twarts libido!

Blair Waldorf: Oh sweet heaven.
[Emma comes out wearing a risqué dress]
Emma Boardman: So, Muffy McDonough's been bragging about how she's gonna lose her virginity cause she finally landed a date with the lacrosse captain. They call him the d-virginator.
Blair Waldorf: Oh my god stop your mouth from moving.
Emma Boardman: But now that I finally have the night away from mom and dad we'll see whose first. I'm saying TTFN to my you-know-what.
Blair Waldorf: Or maybe we'll see how your mom feels about your little clearance sale Lohan.
Emma Boardman: Please I heard you talking about getting into Yale, well Dean Berube is like my uncle so hlep me or I tell him how you took me into a club and got me wasted.

Blair Waldorf: Oh, please! Stop your mouth from moving!

Blair Waldorf: Limos and virgins, your specialty.
Chuck Bass: Just so you know, while there are few things I consider sacred, the back of the limo is one of them.


"Gossip Girl: The Wild Brunch (#1.2)" (2007)
Blair Waldorf: [to Serena] I must have totally blanked on the part where I invited you over.

Blair Waldorf: What's that?
Chuck Bass: The key to my suite, Nate's heart, and your future happiness.

Blair Waldorf: Serena had better just stay away. Thank you Dorota.
Kati: Yeah thanks. We love sleeping at Blair's.
Blair Waldorf: I don't wanna see Serena at school and she better not show up at bruch today.
Kati: Your really mad at Serena.
Isabel: Yeah I hope you never get mad at us.
Blair Waldorf: Well you would never do what Serena did.
Kati: No never.
Isabel: Of course not.

Blair Waldorf: What is she doing here?
Serena van der Woodsen: I was meeting Nate.
Nate Archibald: Just to talk I swear.
Blair Waldorf: You said you'd never speak to her again.
Serena van der Woodsen: You said that? Why would you say that?
Blair Waldorf: Because you can't be trusted.
Nate Archibald: It's not Serena's fault.
Blair Waldorf: Do not defend her.
Nate Archibald: I asked her to come.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, oh so you do wanna talk to her.
Nate Archibald: Yes, to explain why I'm not talking to her.
Blair Waldorf: Maybe I'll leave you two to finish that fascinating conversation.
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, no no I'll go. Let you guys get back your quickie.
Blair Waldorf: It wasn't a quickie. Sex is actually kind of a big deal to some of us.
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh yeah I can see that. Chuck's bed, very romantic, classy too.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, like you. I bet your new friend Dan would love to hear about how classy you are.
Serena van der Woodsen: Dan but...?
Serena van der Woodsen: What you really think she would tell him?
Nate Archibald: It's Blair.

Serena van der Woodsen: Blair? Hey.
Blair Waldorf: Serena.
Serena van der Woodsen: Hey I got two bone dry capps and Audrey.
Blair Waldorf: I must have totally blanked on the part where I invited you over.
Serena van der Woodsen: I, I called you. Blair it's Sunday morning. Coffee, croissants, Breakfast at Tiffany's - it's our tradition.
Blair Waldorf: Well I have new traditions now.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well their not traditions if they're new.
[pause]
Serena van der Woodsen: Look, Blair I'm really trying to make an effort here. I thought everything was good between us.
Blair Waldorf: It was - before I found out you had sex with my boyfriend.
[pause]
Serena van der Woodsen: How'd you find out?
Blair Waldorf: Nate told me. At least he felt he owed me to tell the truth.
Serena van der Woodsen: I don't know what to say.
Blair Waldorf: Don't bother saying anything. I wouldn't believe you anyway.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair...
Blair Waldorf: You know, I always knew you were a whore. I never took you for a liar too.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair how can I fix this?
Blair Waldorf: You don't Serena. You just stay away. From me, my boyfriend, and my friends. Your done here.

Blair Waldorf: Dan? Hi I'm Blair Waldorf, Serena's friend.
Dan Humphrey: Oh, hey yeah do you happen to know where she is?
Blair Waldorf: As a matter of fact I do.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair.
Dan Humphrey: Serena there you are, where were you?
Blair Waldorf: She was waiting in a hotel room, for my boyfriend.
Serena van der Woodsen: To talk.
Nate Archibald: About why we weren't talking.
Blair Waldorf: That doesn't sound any smarter the second time.
Dan Humphrey: Why weren't you talking?
[pause]
Dan Humphrey: Does this have anything to do with why you were waiting for Serena this morning?
Blair Waldorf: You were what?
Chuck Bass: And here I thought you were waiting for me.
Dan Humphrey: Oh exactly what this situation needs, Chuck.
Dan Humphrey: Now what is going on here?
Blair Waldorf: We were just getting to that.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair please. Don't do this.
Blair Waldorf: Sorry. Do you, wanna tell him?
Chuck Bass: I'll tell him.
Blair Waldorf, Nate Archibald: [Blair and Nate say in unison] You know?
Chuck Bass: I know everthing.
Dan Humphrey: And apparently I know nothing.
Serena van der Woodsen: Look Dan, it, it was a long time ago and I regret it but...
Chuck Bass: Serena stop trying to pretend like your a good girl. So you slept with your best friend's boyfriend, I kind of admire you for it.
Dan Humphrey: Is that true?
Blair Waldorf: Well, then she ran away and lied about it. I just thought you should know before you fall head over heels for your perfect girl in her perfect world and then get left all alone but no one but your cabbage patch kid.

Blair Waldorf: Chuck likes to brag about his conquests, not his victims.

Blair Waldorf: [trying to hide her scheming face] It would be so wrong for me to show up without my boyfriend whom I love, and who loves me.

Chuck Bass: I'm honored to be playing even a small role in your deflowering.
Blair Waldorf: You're disgusting.
Chuck Bass: Yes I am, so why be shy? Report back with details.


"Gossip Girl: Chuck in Real Life (#2.7)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: Bet's off.
Chuck Bass: But the game's not over.
Blair Waldorf: I'm calling it on account of boredom. You were right Vanessa's not worth playing with.
Chuck Bass: Maybe she is maybe she isn't. Why the sudden change of heart?
Blair Waldorf: Like I said the whole thing is dull. Persuing Vanessa is beneath us both.
Chuck Bass: You think I'm going in for the kill and worried that your going to have to go through with what you promised.
Blair Waldorf: I'm not worried... about... that.
Chuck Bass: Well then what?
Blair Waldorf: Then... nothing... just... forget it.

Penelope: Kelsey, Kelsey, Kelsey how many times must we tell you? As one of the girls of the steps, you represent Constance royalty.
Isabel Coates: So it should come as no surprise that many girls before you have gotten the ax when their choices reflected poorly on us.
Kelsey: I didn't realize.
[crying]
Blair Waldorf: That tights are not pants? Honestly?

Chuck Bass: Deal's off.
Blair Waldorf: What? What are you talking about?
Chuck Bass: I'm out. I don't know what I was thinking about. Pretending to buy some Brooklyn down bar.
Blair Waldorf: But you promised to seduce Vanessa, she needs to be destroyed.
Chuck Bass: She's your problem. Humphrey doesn't warrant this.
Blair Waldorf: The great Chuck Bass is just gonna give up.
Chuck Bass: No no no, there's no shame if the prize isn't worth it. You do your own dirty work. There's not enough in it for me.
Blair Waldorf: Well what if I made it worth it?
[looks at him seductively]
Chuck Bass: What are you talking about?
Blair Waldorf: I think you know.
Chuck Bass: Your not serious.
[she nods her head yes]
Chuck Bass: My, my that girl has gotten under your skin.
Blair Waldorf: The question is Bass, will you?
Chuck Bass: Aren't you the least bit worried I'll succeed?
[starts untying Blair's robe]
Blair Waldorf: Do we have an agreement?
Chuck Bass: Oh we have a deal.

Serena van der Woodsen: Let them discipline the sibling that actually deserves it.
Blair Waldorf: You mean Chuck?
[Blair slightly smiles and notices Serena looking at her]
Blair Waldorf: What?
Serena van der Woodsen: You smiled.
Blair Waldorf: No I didn't! I hate Chuck! Don't make me lost my appetite.

Chuck Bass: Waving the white flag are we?
Blair Waldorf: Not exactly. I have a proposition for you.
Chuck Bass: I'll say yes.
Blair Waldorf: That little troll Vanessa is working my last nerve.
Chuck Bass: Not what I expected.
Blair Waldorf: And then I realized, this could benefit both of us.
Chuck Bass: You had me until troll.
Blair Waldorf: Dan stole your best friend, now you can steal his. Seduce and destroy.
Chuck Bass: What's in it for me?
Blair Waldorf: The thrill of the impossible. The only person Vanessa loathes more than me is you. It'll be one for the ages.

Vanessa Abrams: I can make you help me, ya know.
Blair Waldorf: Oh makes jokes too.
[scoffs]
Vanessa Abrams: Everyone knows you and Marcus broke up but no one knows why.
[shows picture on her phone of Marcus and Catherine kissing]
Blair Waldorf: Even you wouldn't stoop that low.
Vanessa Abrams: [laughs] Blackmail seems to work so well for you, so maybe I'm missing out.

Vanessa Abrams: Blair, you got a minute?
Blair Waldorf: Sixty seconds - clock it.

Blair Waldorf: Poor Chuck, what is life without a friend to share it? Oh, it looks like you just lost yours to Dan Humphrey.
Chuck Bass: Who cares. I'd rather talk about who you lost yours to anyway.
Blair Waldorf: Nuh-huh been there done that. Been decontaminated.
Chuck Bass: We both know you'll do it again. It's just a question of when.
Blair Waldorf: The answer is never.
Chuck Bass: Were inevitable Waldorf.
Blair Waldorf: Despite whatever vestige attraction my body may have for you, my brain knows better and yours should too. I gotta go. I've got a disciplinary hearing.
Chuck Bass: Well I knew you were trouble but a hearing? Impressive.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, it's not for me.

Blair Waldorf: What took you so long?
Chuck Bass: If you thought that was long, you have no idea what you're in for.


"Gossip Girl: School Lies (#1.12)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: You just won 365 more days in your Ikea-furnished closet.
Vanessa Abrams: You went to my building? You talked to my landlord?
Blair Waldorf: No, I don't speak Ukrainian, but I do speak envelope of cash and he understood me perfectly.

Blair Waldorf: Blair Waldorf is not indebted to anyone. No matter how much I appreciate what you did.
Vanessa Abrams: You're welcome... I guess?
Blair Waldorf: Good. Now this transaction is finished. And I'm free to return to disliking you.
Vanessa Abrams: I wouldn't have it any other way.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, and, one more thing. If you didn't pay your rent with it, what did you do with Chuck's money?
Vanessa Abrams: I may have created a medical grant for teen with genital herpies... in his name.

Blair Waldorf: Nate. Are you okay?
Nate Archiblaid: It'll be fine. My parents have so much other stuff going on right now... they'll get over it. Either way, it was worth it.
Blair Waldorf: Worth it?
Nate Archiblaid: Yes. Blair, I know how much your future means to you. And you've worked so hard for Yale and everything that...
Blair Waldorf: What are you talking about?

Blair Waldorf: That key isn't mine. I was just hiding it for someone else... wait. That's why you were suspended? You told the headmistress it was yours because you thought it was mine? That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me.

Nate Archiblaid: I love you.
Blair Waldorf: Please. You and I just can't happen right now.
Nate Archiblaid: Why not?
Blair Waldorf: I don't want to be with you.

Blair Waldorf: What you said before... I love you too. Always have always will.

Blair Waldorf: Enough with the blackmail. Aren't you bored already? I can't avoid Nate forever.
Chuck Bass: Excuse me.
[excuses the girl away from him that he was talking to]
Chuck Bass: I didn't say forever. Just until the sight of the two of you together doesn't turn my stomach.
Blair Waldorf: And when will that be?
Chuck Bass: Only time will tell I'm afraid, so unless you want dear Nathaniel to know how you lost your virginity to me in the back of a moving vehicle I encourage patience and restraint.
Blair Waldorf: Isn't there someone else you can torture?
Chuck Bass: Probably but I choose you.

Blair Waldorf: I'm innocent, well except for a crime of passion. I did something stupid with someone, and even worse than doing that stupid thing, I did the same stupid thing with someone else and pretended I had never done stupid thing before. You looked confused, should I walk you through it?
Headmistress Queller: Let's stay on point. I reviewed your record, it's pristine. If Constance has a shining star it's Blair Waldorf. I would have never expected this from you.
Blair Waldorf: I know I'm the perfect one.
Headmistress Queller: Ms. Waldorf who broke into the pool?
Blair Waldorf: Like you said my unfortunate participation in said party was entirely out of character, I don't know anything about it.

Blair Waldorf: [Chuck grabs Blair's arm] Hey let go of me Bass!
Chuck Bass: Drop your Archibald habit first.
Blair Waldorf: You know I already have.
Chuck Bass: Really? A kiss does sort of send the wrong signal, let's not waste time denying.
Blair Waldorf: You know what, I'm tired of this go ahead and tell him.
Chuck Bass: Really, you want me to tell him how you slept with me and faked your virginity for him.
Blair Waldorf: I'll just tell him your lying and who do you think he'll believe? You who bangs anything in his field of vision or me his pure and honest girlfriend of many years.
Chuck Bass: Oh now he'll believe me.
Blair Waldorf: Why?
Chuck Bass: I have proof.
[Vanessa had filmed them on camera]
Chuck Bass: Good eye docu-girl I'll take the tape now.
Blair Waldorf: You knew she was watching? This is my house that tape belongs to me.
Vanessa Abrams: Actually this is my footage and thanks to both of you I think I got a new angle on my subject.
Dan Humphrey: [Dan walks up] Hey Vanessa let's get out of here.
Chuck Bass: If you think I'm gonna let you walk out of here without that tape your crazy!
[he grabs Vanessa's arm agressively]
Vanessa Abrams: Let go of me!
Dan Humphrey: Hey! Last time I checked I still owe you a black eye so unless this is you coming to claim it, stay away from her.


"Gossip Girl: Pret-a-Poor-J (#2.8)" (2008)
Dan Humphrey: You and Chuck have been toying with each other forever so, you didn't win this one. You ever think maybe you should just let it go?
Blair Waldorf: This is different.
Dan Humphrey: Why?
[Dan looks at Blair]
Dan Humphrey: Do, do you love him?
[Blair gives him an approving look]
Dan Humphrey: Wow, someone loves Chuck Bass.
Blair Waldorf: I don't know, I just... I don't understand how it got to this place.
Dan Humphrey: Ya know the first time that I told Serena I loved her, it was terrifying. I've never felt so exposed. But the feeling I got when she said it back to me was probably the single greatest moment of my life.
Blair Waldorf: But you broke up.
Dan Humphrey: Doesn't mean I wouldn't do it all over again.
Blair Waldorf: If I say it, he wins and if he wins, then I'll just... be another girl to him.
Dan Humphrey: You don't know that's true. You have to decide whats most important to you. Keeping your pride and getting nothing or taking a risk and maybe, maybe having everything.

Dan Humphrey: Blair Waldorf in Brooklyn. Are you two lost?
Serena van der Woodsen: Will you talk to her please?
Blair Waldorf: There's nothing to talk about, I told you it's over.
Serena van der Woodsen: She stopped listening to me, maybe she'll listen to you
Dan Humphrey: Um, sure.
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm gonna go check out the art - in the art gallery. Talk.
[Serena walks off]

Blair Waldorf: Wanna get a drink?
Chuck Bass: Wanna say those three little words?
Blair Waldorf: No.
Chuck Bass: Then no drink.
Blair Waldorf: Why? Scarred you won't be able to handle it?
[Blair lifts up her skirt and Chuck sees she has a gird on]

Blair Waldorf: You have to help me destroy Chuck Bass.
Dan Humphrey: Alright I'll take that as my cue to leave.
Blair Waldorf: Oh your very perceptive.
[Dan starts to leave but Serena stops him]
Serena van der Woodsen: Dan wait.
[starts talking to Blair]
Serena van der Woodsen: If your having a problem with Chuck then a man's perspective could be helpful.
Blair Waldorf: Ya know just because you two are making a doomed attempt to being friends doesn't mean I have to play the enabler.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair come on.
Dan Humphrey: Well if your plotting against Chuck Bass then I'm sure I can think of something.
Blair Waldorf: Fine. I have an itch that only Chuck can scratch and he won't oblige unless I tell him I love him.
Dan Humphrey: You need help getting Chuck to sleep with you, really?

Chuck Bass: [Chuck rides up in his limo and rolls down the window] Wanna get in? I'd love to give you a ride.
Blair Waldorf: Well I'm sure you would. Too bad you've made the terms of that arrangement impossible.
Chuck Bass: About that, maybe I was a litte too hasty. Come on, get in.
Blair Waldorf: Maybe I don't want you anymore.
Chuck Bass: Don't torture me. I'm dying.
[Blair starts to get in when Chuck pushes down the lock]
Chuck Bass: All you have to do is say those three magic words.
Blair Waldorf: I hate you.
[Chuck rolls up the window and leaves]

Blair Waldorf: Are you here to gloat?
Chuck Bass: Over what?
Blair Waldorf: Well you won. Pop the champagne.
Chuck Bass: I didn't win.
Blair Waldorf: Then why does it feel like I lost?
Chuck Bass: The reason we can't say those three words to each other isn't because thy aren't true.
Blair Waldorf: Then why?
Chuck Bass: I think we both know, the moment we do, it won't be the start of something, it'll be the end. Think about it, Chuck and Blair going to the movies? Chuck and Blair holding hands?
Blair Waldorf: We don't have to do those things. We can do the things we like.
Chuck Bass: What we like is this.
Blair Waldorf: The game.

Blair Waldorf: I have an itch only Chuck can scratch.

Blair Waldorf: Like a Bass out of hell.

Chuck Bass: Brooklyn?
[Chuck meets Blair on a rooftop in Brooklyn]
Blair Waldorf: At least it will be memorable.
Chuck Bass: I'm sorry but don't you have something you wanna say to me?
Blair Waldorf: Yes.
[pause]
Blair Waldorf: This is so silly. What does it matter who says it first, why don't we just say it together?
Chuck Bass: Because that wasn't the deal.
Blair Waldorf: Why does everything have to be a deal?
Chuck Bass: Because we made it one.
[Blair looks indecisive]
Chuck Bass: What's going on Blair? You told me you had something to say to me, say it.
Blair Waldorf: [Blair on the verge of tears] Why do I have to be the one to go first? I was the one who waited on that helipad for you. I went to Tuscany alone.
Chuck Bass: That's ancient history.
Blair Waldorf: I was the one who asked you to say it first.
Chuck Bass: At the white party? When you were on your way out with the count? Because did you really think I was going to say it then?
Blair Waldorf: Yes! And when you didn't I wanted to die!
Chuck Bass: Don't tell me you brought me all the way to Brooklyn for this? I thought you were ready to tell me how you really felt, obviously it was just another one of your games.
Blair Waldorf: My games? You were the one who started this.
Chuck Bass: And you're the one who finished it.
[Blair walks off]


"Gossip Girl: Victor/Victrola (#1.7)" (2007)
Blair Waldorf: Thanks for the lift home.
Chuck Bass: You were... amazing up there.

Blair Waldorf: You know, I got moves.
Chuck Bass: Really? Then why don't you get up there.
Blair Waldorf: [laughs] I'm just saying, I got moves.

Blair Waldorf: You really don't think I'll go up there.
Chuck Bass: I know you won't do it.
Blair Waldorf: Guard my drink.

Blair Waldorf: What are you doing?
Nate Archibald: Going to Victrola. I promised Chuck it's important to him.
Blair Waldorf: I saw your father get arrested. Why didn't you come to me, I would've listened.
Nate Archibald: I've tried Blair. But everytime I try something's got your attention, a dinner party, ya know a masked ball.
Blair Waldorf: Yeah, let's talk about that masked ball. Let's talk about how while I was waiting for you to find so that we could finally be together, you were confessing your feelings and kissing Serena. I thought I was doing everything right.
Nate Archibald: It's not your fault.
Blair Waldorf: Do you love me?
[pause]
Blair Waldorf: You should deal with your father. He needs you. You know what, I don't.

Nate Archibald: Oh, Serena right?
Jenny Humphrey: That's funny.
Nate Archibald: Not really, no.
Jenny Humphrey: No. Uh what are you doing in the girls hall?
Nate Archibald: I was actually looking for you. Ya know I really didn't mean anything I said about having feelings for Serena.
Jenny Humphrey: Maybe you didn't. I just... I mean... I don't even care but other people might.
Nate Archibald: Yeah I know.
Jenny Humphrey: Yeah I know including my brother.
[Nate starts to give her chocolates]
Jenny Humphrey: You bought me chocolates?
Nate Archibald: Well, I know you care about being friends with Blair and your brother, he's with Serena, and I'm with Blair, and I just really need you to help me out here, you promise?
Blair Waldorf: Promise what?
Nate Archibald: Uh, promise to help me come up with a more creative apology than these. I'm sorry for taking you for granted lately, okay.
[Gives Blair the chocolates he was giving Jenny]
Blair Waldorf: That is so sweet. I mean i prefer the gold collection but thank you.
[Jenny starts to leave]
Blair Waldorf: Hey Cinderella, I think you dropped this at the ball.
[holds up the bracelet]
Blair Waldorf: I hate secrets more than anything, you know that. Friends don't lie and we're friends, right?
Jenny Humphrey: Right.

Blair Waldorf: So... I heard on Gossip Girl that your having sex with Dan out here - in streaming video.
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, god Kati and Is filmed us.
Blair Waldorf: Well it's not very high school musical scandalas and no they haven't stream it yet but... I heard it was... aggresive.
Serena van der Woodsen: I must say Dan has been surprisingly good at everything we've done.
Blair Waldorf: Which is everthing?
Serena van der Woodsen: No but feel free to ask any personal questions.
Blair Waldorf: Well you've talked about it, right?
Serena van der Woodsen: No mom we haven't.
[Serena jokes]
Blair Waldorf: May I remind you that this is your first real boyfriend S and in relationships you talk about stuff.
Serena van der Woodsen: I know but I dunno sometimes talking about it or planning it can ruin a good thing, ya know?
Blair Waldorf: I would know. Well, as long as your not worried.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well, I'm not but I dunno he might be. Is it possible for a guy to want to slow things down?
Blair Waldorf: Only the guys we like.
[the girls laugh]
Blair Waldorf: But with you, I can't imagine why.

Jenny Humphrey: Thanks for helping me out with the bracelet. I didn't know broken glass could cost that much.
Blair Waldorf: Well, it was my pleasure. Oh, wait, no, it wasn't. Game recognizes game little J but you have to show more respect. This is the last time I've helped you, next time you cross me I won't be as forgiving.
Jenny Humphrey: Don't worry there won't be a next time.
Blair Waldorf: Good, cause I wanna tell you something. Something nobody knows, not even Serena. You can keep a secret right?
Jenny Humphrey: Of course.
Blair Waldorf: Nate is planning on giving me his family diamond. It's the most incredible ring you've ever seen.
Jenny Humphrey: Uh, ring, as in engagement ring?
Blair Waldorf: I remember the first time I ever saw him. Maybe we were just little kids but I knew, he's the one I wanna marry, and now it seems like he feels the same way too.
[Jenny just stands there and doesn't say anything]
Blair Waldorf: Why are you not happy for me?
Jenny Humphrey: I'm sorry it's, it's just been a really weird week, um there's this stuff with my parents and my family so maybe I should just go.
Blair Waldorf: No maybe you should look at me in the eye and tell me what you're hiding. Are you jealous?
Jenny Humphrey: Of you and Nate?
Blair Waldorf: Do you like him?
Jenny Humphrey: Uh, no.
Blair Waldorf: You think cause you talked to him once in the hall you might have a shot?
Jenny Humphrey: Blair, it's nothing like that.
Blair Waldorf: Then tell me what is it like?
Jenny Humphrey: I don't wanna hurt you.
Blair Waldorf: How could you hurt me?
Jenny Humphrey: Yesterday wasn't the first time I talked to Nate. At the ball he told me he wasn't over Serena.
Blair Waldorf: Why would he tell you that?
Jenny Humphrey: Because I was wearing her mask and he thought I was her - he kissed me.
Blair Waldorf: That's enough.
Jenny Humphrey: Blair... I didn't want you to find out.
Blair Waldorf: Your dismissed Jenny, for good.
Jenny Humphrey: [Jenny leaves]

Blair Waldorf: [to Chuck, at the opening of his club] I think we just broke up. I don't want to talk about it. I just want to escape. That's what this place is for, right?

Serena van der Woodsen: Is it possible for a guy to want to slow things down?
Blair Waldorf: Only the guys we like.


"Gossip Girl: Bonfire of the Vanity (#2.10)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: I wanted a Harry Winston choker for my birthday. Instead I got a conscience.

Blair Waldorf: Dorota, are you insane?
Dorota: I don't know.
Blair Waldorf: You used the everyday china. Cyrus will think we're just common upper-middle class. Get the Auberge and hurry up!

Blair Waldorf: I am Grace Kelly, Grace Kelly is me.

Blair Waldorf: Screw Grace Kelly. I need a scheme.
Dorota: Oh no...
Blair Waldorf: That tiny man must have a secret I can exploit.

Serena van der Woodsen: Plenty of women have been both lover and muse to famous artists. Like Picasso.
Blair Waldorf: Serena, a guy starts out in his blue period and everything's great. But it's only a matter of time until he's all into cubism and it's some other girl's eye coming out of her forehead.
Serena van der Woodsen: Okay, I'm going to go.
Blair Waldorf: Wait, what about the gnome? I have to take him down!

Blair Waldorf: How can you possibly love Cyrus? He's all the things you hate! He uses the wrong fork, he slurps his soup, he wears sport socks! He is short, and pushy! He's nothing like daddy.

Blair Waldorf: He's totally unsuitable.
Serena van der Woodsen: Who?
Blair Waldorf: Cyrus. He's five feet tall. He has a catchphrase. And he's a hugger. I was expecting Cary Grant and I got Danny DeVito!

Blair Waldorf: You're still here.
Cyrus Rose: I sent my driver to dinner because I thought I would be at the party ringing in your birthday.
Blair Waldorf: You threw in the towel rather easily. I expected a harder fight.
Cyrus Rose: I'm smart enough to know that getting into a war with Eleanor's daughter is never gonna result in a victory.
Blair Waldorf: So, you retreated with dignity.
Cyrus Rose: Who says I gave up?
Blair Waldorf: Oh my god. You out maneuvered me. You deliberately let me win, counting on the fact that Cyndi Lauper would prey on my emotions.
Cyrus Rose: I'm a lawyer. I do think a few moves ahead. Some of us can't rely entirely on our looks, you know.
Blair Waldorf: Well done.
Cyrus Rose: Not enough!
Blair Waldorf: Fine. You're a genius. You better be good to my mother, or I'll be coming for you.
Cyrus Rose: Those are fair terms.
Blair Waldorf: Now, come upstairs and stand next to me while I tell my mom the whole truth about The Golden Lion. She'll be furious with me. So, I may need an attorney.
Cyrus Rose: Oh!
[Cyrus hugs Blair. Blair grimaces, smiles, then shakes her head]
Blair Waldorf: You're not what I had in mind.
Cyrus Rose: Well, you're not what I had in mind.


"Gossip Girl: You've Got Yale! (#2.16)" (2009)
Serena van der Woodsen: I wasn't supposed to say anything, but you are going to Yale. You got in. In early admission.
Blair Waldorf: What?
Dan Humphrey: How do you know that?
Serena van der Woodsen: Because I declined my acceptance. You're next in line. They're gonna call you in a couple of hours.
Dan Humphrey: Whoa. You got in.
Blair Waldorf: You're the Constance student?
[Turns to minions]
Blair Waldorf: Cancel the Nelly Yuki project now!

[last lines]
Blair Waldorf: Put that puppy down, Dorota.
Dorota: What happened, Miss Blair?
Blair Waldorf: It's what's going to happen that you should be worried about.
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Not all beginnings are cause for celebration. A lot of bad things begin: fights, flu season, and the worst thing of all...
Dorota: Uh-oh. Is it war?
Blair Waldorf: Yes. But this one will be different. I need to wait for my moment, and then I'm going black-ops. Off the radar. No accountability. This war I'm gonna win.
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Wanna be starting something. XOXO. Gossip Girl.

Blair Waldorf: Witch hunts are my Valium, Serena. I'm just trying to stay calm.

Roman: [to Blair] It's all the color of Yale. You see?
Blair Waldorf: That's just what I need to perk me up. I couldn't sleep a wink.
Roman: We know. We heard you watching "Gilmore Girls" all night, again.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, I am so better fit for Yale than this Rory.

Blair Waldorf: [on the phone with Serena] What are you doing?
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm just reading the Brown catalog. Oh and I ordered a home dreadlocking kit. Want to meet up later?
Blair Waldorf: Definitely. Maybe we can get a jump-start on your veganism.

Blair Waldorf: [to Miss Carr about her assignment] This is a B.
Rachel Carr: Yes, it is.
Blair Waldorf: You're new here, so you don't know how it works.
Rachel Carr: I have a feeling you're about to explain.
Blair Waldorf: Second semester seniors get a free pass, like pregnant ladies or 14-year-old Chinese gymnasts. Constance wants their students to get into the best colleges. That's why this free pass exists. The headmistress, if she knew about this grade, she'd rap you on the wrist.
Rachel Carr: Maybe in time, I'll get in trouble for not inflating grades like everyone else, Miss Waldorf, but until then, I'll give them based on merit.

Headmistress Queller: [to Blair] When I spoke to Dean Barrowby this morning, he assured me that if the student they've accepted turns them down, you are next in line.
Blair Waldorf: Dan Humphrey. He's like a cafeteria lady who won the lottery. You couldn't pry that acceptance from his hands with the jaws of life.
Headmistress Queller: I wasn't speaking about Mr. Humphrey.

Serena van der Woodsen: Well, if you're on a witch hunt, that means you can't be too upset, right?
Blair Waldorf: Witch hunts are my Valium, Serena. I'm just trying to stay calm.


"Gossip Girl: All About My Brother (#1.16)" (2008)
Serena van der Woodsen: It's a snub from one party, B. Plus, what's the big deal, anyway? You don't even like Asher.
Blair Waldorf: I didn't like last season's Louis Vuitton patchwork bag, either, but that doesn't mean I wanna see it all over town on Jenny Humphrey's arm.
Serena van der Woodsen: Touche.

Serena van der Woodsen: What's wrong? You look stressed, even for you.
Dan Humphrey: I'm still worried about Jenny.
Blair Waldorf: You mean because she's self-obsessed, self-serving, self-centered, self...
Dan Humphrey: No, no. I wish it was about her, and her self, but it's more about... who she's with. I can't get through to her. I tried, and she just completely blew me off. And she dissed my pants.
Blair Waldorf: Maybe I underestimated her.

Blair Waldorf: My, my. If it isn't Little J, risen from the ashes.
Jenny Humphrey: I came to tell you in person. You win
Blair Waldorf: Oh sweetie, we just started to play.
Jenny Humphrey: No, you don't understand. I'm done. With you, with them. All of it.
Blair Waldorf: Just like that, you wave the white flag.
Jenny Humphrey: I lied. And I stole. And I lost the respect of my family. For what? So I can be like you? You asked me before if it was all worth it. And my answer is: It's not.
Blair Waldorf: I tried to warn you. There's a price to pay. I always knew a girl like you couldn't afford it.
Jenny Humphrey: Well, you were right.

Serena van der Woodsen: Blair...
[Serena just entered Blair's house]
Blair Waldorf: Serena what are you doing here it's late?
[Serena starts to cry]
Blair Waldorf: Oh my god, what happened, what's wrong? Talk to me.
Serena van der Woodsen: I can't.
Blair Waldorf: Of course you can.
Serena van der Woodsen: No, no B this is the one thing I can't tell you, I can't tell anyone.
Blair Waldorf: I'm not anyone, I'm me. You can tell me anything.
Serena van der Woodsen: No I can't because then that would make you a part of it and you can't be a part of this.
Blair Waldorf: What are you talking about, your starting to scare me.
[Serena crys more]
Blair Waldorf: Hey, hey, hey we're sisters. Your my family, what is you is me. There's nothing you could ever say to make me let go. I love you. What is it?
Serena van der Woodsen: I killed someone.

Blair Waldorf: Dan Humphrey, just who I hate to admit I was looking for. Your dirty.
Dan Humphrey: What are you talking about?
Blair Waldorf: Cheating, drinking, drugs, it's all fair game, but outing your sister's boyfriend is dark. How did squeaky clean Humphrey ever come up with that?
Dan Humphrey: I didn't come up with anything.
Blair Waldorf: Oh my god, you know something spill it.
Dan Humphrey: Yeah I might have seen Asher kissing another guy.
Blair Waldorf: So it's true. Who was he kissing?
Dan Humphrey: I dunno I couldn't see but what does that even matter?
Blair Waldorf: Right now Gossip Girl's credibility is the same as tensing mortifies after a few martinis, but if I can prove that his simplicity is more than just a rumor, then they'll break up. That's what you want isn't it?
Dan Humphrey: Well yeah I guess.
Blair Waldorf: Asher's just using your sister as a cover. It's your brotherly duty to save her before becoming the next Katie Holmes.
Dan Humphrey: And your in this to help Jenny?
Blair Waldorf: Motive is irrelevant as long as our in game is the same.
Dan Humphrey: No Blair this is not a game to me okay. I don't want her to get hurt.
Blair Waldorf: Well you should've thought that through before you told all of Manhattan that Jenny's a glorified hag.
Dan Humphrey: You know what your on your own.
Blair Waldorf: Suit yourself.

Blair Waldorf: Whoever said that money doesn't buy happiness didn't know where to shop. Lucky for me I may have to go out tonight after all.

Asher Hornsby: [smug] Whatever you found, it's not what it looks like.
Blair Waldorf: It's always what it looks like. And judging from the texts' and photos' it looks like a little more than friendship.

Blair Waldorf: My, my, if it isn't little J risen from the ashes.
Jenny Humphrey: I came to tell you in person. You win.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, sweetie, we just started to play.
Jenny Humphrey: No, you don't understand. I'm done. With you, with them, with all of it.
Blair Waldorf: Just like that? You wave the white flag.
Jenny Humphrey: I lied, and I stole, and I lost the respect of my family, for what? So I can be like you? You asked me before if it was all worth it. And my answer is it's not.
Blair Waldorf: I tried to warn you. There's a price to pay. I always knew a girl like you couldn't afford it.
Jenny Humphrey: Well you were right.
Blair Waldorf: Well you put up a good fight... for a freshman.
Jenny Humphrey: Thanks.
Blair Waldorf: Hope you don't expect a hug.
Jenny Humphrey: I don't expect anything anymore.


"Gossip Girl: Never Been Marcused (#2.2)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: Oh my effing God!

Blair Waldorf: As his consort, I have to be able to hobnob with oligarchs and dictators.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well, if you can't find common ground with a dictator, I don't know who can.

Blair Waldorf: Can I just say how sorry I am that I judged you earlier? I thought you were just a callow, social-climbing former swimsuit model who married above her station only to be enslaved by her own insecurities. When I saw you rolling around on the floor with my adolescent ex, I realized you have a compassionate side.

Blair Waldorf: Notice how my voice didn't go up at the end? It wasn't a question.

Blair Waldorf: She made 'Waldorf' rhyme with 'Spears'!

Blair Waldorf: Damn that mother chucker!

Serena van der Woodsen: Blair Waldorf, a fling? You're not exactly low maintenance.
Blair Waldorf: It's like Roman Holiday but I'm Gregory Peck and he's Audrey Hepburn!
Serena van der Woodsen: And you really expect me to believe this isn't all about revenge on Chuck?
Blair Waldorf: Revenge is so 12 hours ago! And just because Marcus is the perfect post-Bass palate cleanser doesn't mean he isn't a delicious dish in his own right.

Blair Waldorf: Revenge is so twelve hours ago.


"Gossip Girl: O Brother, Where Bart Thou? (#2.13)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: Only a masochist could ever love such a narcissist.

Blair Waldorf: Whatever you're going through, I wanna be there for you.
Chuck Bass: We've talked about this. You are not my girlfriend.
Blair Waldorf: But I am me. And you are you. We're Chuck and Blair. Blair and Chuck. The worst thing you've ever done, the darkest thought you've ever had, I will stand by you through anything.
Chuck Bass: And why would you do that.
Blair Waldorf: Because I love you.
Chuck Bass: Well, that's too bad.

Cyrus Rose: [to Blair] I just hope you know how happy I am, not just to be with your mother, but to have you, family. I love you very, very much.
Blair Waldorf: [crying] I told Chuck I love him.
Cyrus Rose: Really? That's wonderful.
Blair Waldorf: No, it's not, it's horrible. I thought that if I could finally say it that everything would change, but he is just as selfish and solace as ever. Only a masochist could ever love such as narcissist. Help me.
[hugs Cyrus]
Cyrus Rose: You don't need help. He just needs time.
Blair Waldorf: Wait.
[hugs Cyrus again]
Blair Waldorf: Not enough.

Nate Archibald: [to Blair] You're really sweet with him.
Blair Waldorf: Me? Sweet? No!
Nate Archibald: But you are. I mean, worrying about him, offering him food, it's downright maternal.
Blair Waldorf: I'm not maternal. I've just been spending too much time with Cyrus and I'm turning Jewish.

Nate Archibald: [to Chuck] You don't even have to stay that long. You should let people shake your hand, say hello, and you're done.
Chuck Bass: You don't have to convince me.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, good. Well, I just thought that after what happened at the church, you might not wanna be here.

Eleanor Waldorf: [to Blair] How is Charles holding up?
Blair Waldorf: Who knows? He's not returning any of my calls or texts, but the hotel says that they keep sending up food, so there's something alive in that room.


"Gossip Girl: Gone with the Will (#2.15)" (2009)
Chuck Bass: I'm sorry. I screwed up.
Blair Waldorf: It's too late, Chuck. I stood by you through all of this but I can't watch you self-destruct any longer.

Blair Waldorf: It's so hard finding obedient minions.

Jack Bass: Chuck, this letter represents your dad's final words.
Blair Waldorf: Your dad wrote you a letter? You have to read it!
Nate Archibald: Yeah, aren't you curious to know what it says?
Chuck Bass: I think I can guess. "You're a disappointment of a son, I'd die of embarrassment if I wasn't already. Why do you wear so much purple?"

Blair Waldorf: [to Serena] Apparently, Gossip Girl is looking for evidence that Dan's cheating on you. Not that anyone else would ever want Dan Humphrey. No offense.

Serena van der Woodsen: [reads Gossip Girl on Blair's phone] Nothing yet on Lonely Boy though we did find out he brown-bags it for lunch and today's plat du jour, a tuna sandwich. Disgusting but not enough for a conviction. Keep digging, kiddies.
Blair Waldorf: Tuna fish? Why does he make it so hard for himself?

Blair Waldorf: [to Chuck] I believed in you. Your father believed in you. You're the only one that didn't. All I wanted to do is just be there but today when you called me your wife, made it sound like the ugliest word in the world.


"Gossip Girl: The Handmaiden's Tale (#1.6)" (2007)
Blair Waldorf: Who does this Dan Humphrey think he is? Serena is putting up a strong front but I can see how hurt she is. We have to help her heal her heart.
Kati Farkas: But it's pretty late notice.
Isabel Coates: Most of the good ones are already taken.
Blair Waldorf: No more excuses. Serena must have the hottest date ever. If he's got plans he'll change them. If he's got a girlfriend he'll dump her and if he's out of town he'll charter a g-5 and fly home. Make it happen.

Nate Archibald: Alright Chuck I'll see ya in the a.m.
Blair Waldorf: No, you didn't find me by midnight. No happily ever after for you.
Nate Archibald: Blair, I'm sorry.
Blair Waldorf: All I wanted was for us to start over and you didn't even try.

Eleanor Waldorf: That's outstanding.
Blair Waldorf: Is it a bong mother?
Eleanor Waldorf: Please.
Blair Waldorf: I didn't take you for a stoner.
Eleanor Waldorf: It's a hooka and it is adorable. It's perfect for my Morocken theme party.

Serena van der Woodsen: So Kati metioned something about a custom made corset and I hear there are wigs involved?
Blair Waldorf: It's a masquerade. You have to conceal your identity but I do have something special planned for Nate tonight. It's a game, it's a scavenger hunt. Nate starts the night with a clue which leads him to a lady in waiting, who gives him a clue to the next lady..
Serena van der Woodsen: Wait, hold on you have ladies now?
Blair Waldorf: If he finds me before midnight when the masks come off he can claim his prize.
Serena van der Woodsen: And what's that?
[Blair looks at her seductively]
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, yeah right sorry.
Blair Waldorf: I just figured that after everything thats happened or hasn't happened, I should find some way to make it special.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well that's really romantic Blair, really. Look, um, if you don't want me to come tonight I totally understand.
Blair Waldorf: What? No I want you to come, in fact I was hoping you'd be one of my ladies. Would you give Nate the last clue?
Serena van der Woodsen: Are you sure you want me to?
Blair Waldorf: Tonight is all about starting over. I trust you and him.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well then I would be honored to serve you my queen.
[the girls laugh]
Blair Waldorf: Well, besides your bringing Dan, right?

Serena van der Woodsen: I know him. A masked ball? Dan would never wanna go to something that pretentious where he has to wear a mask and a tux.
Blair Waldorf: He likes you. He would wear a txu and a mask and one of my mother's dresses if it meant that he could go out with you,come on. What are you worried that he already has a date, I mean he is Dan Humphrey.
Serena van der Woodsen: Shut up, I dunno. I guess a masked ball is better than a regular party because all those kids from school that he hates, they won't even recognize him.
Blair Waldorf: Alright invite him, I insist.

Jenny Humphrey: Well, that's all of it.
Blair Waldorf: Thank you so much I don't know what I would've done without you.
Jenny Humphrey: That's okay, yeah it was fun.
Blair Waldorf: I'm glad. It's all part of your education and it looks like your learning, that's a nice bracelet. Vintage right? The diamonds look real.
Jenny Humphrey: That's cause they sort of are. The man at the store lent it to me.
Blair Waldorf: Why would he do that? Oh, oh sweetie you didn't think you were gonna be able to come tonight right?
Jenny Humphrey: I thought, maybe yeah.
Blair Waldorf: Jenny, freshmans don't get to go to the masked ball it's just tradition.
Jenny Humphrey: No I know, it's just that there were five dresses.
Blair Waldorf: You always need backup. I mean what if I spilled something or a zipper broke.
Jenny Humphrey: Yeah of course I'll, I'll remember that. Have fun tonight.
Blair Waldorf: I will and don't worry your time will come, I promise. Now if you'll excuse me I have to get ready.


"Gossip Girl: Gone Maybe Gone (#6.1)" (2012)
Blair Waldorf: What... Where are you going, and what are you doing with her?
Dan Humphrey: Probably the same thing you're doing with him.
[points to Chuck]
Blair Waldorf: Saving Serena.
Georgina Sparks: No. Finding Serena, and since you're going to follow us, I'm going to have to ask you to follow my lead as well.
Chuck Bass: Which is what, exactly?
Georgina Sparks: Do nothing. Whatever Serena is doing, we can't get involved. We're gonna observe and record. Like a documentary.
Blair Waldorf: This isn't a reality show, Sparks, this is reality! A concept I know you're a little fuzzy on. So whatever filth-filled pain huffing meth dump we find Serena cracked out in, we don't judge.
Nate Archibald: We're still her friends, no matter what.
Chuck Bass: We're her family.
Georgina Sparks: Oh, aren't you just the kindest, sweetest, trust worthiest babies in the whole world. And when it comes to what Serena's capable of, I think you'll find it's nothing you'd imagine.
Dan Humphrey: Can't argue with you there.
[they find a big fancy house, practically a palace]

Serena van der Woodsen: What the hell are you doing here?
Blair Waldorf: Uh... Looking for you!
Georgina Sparks: To observe and record.
Nate Archibald: No, we're here to help you.
Chuck Bass: And get you home.
Dan Humphrey: And, uh, I don't even know what I'm doing here.
[Georgina and Blair punches him on his chest]

Serena van der Woodsen: Please leave before it's too late.
Steven: Sabrina!
Blair Waldorf: [caught off-guard] Sabrina?
Serena van der Woodsen: Too late.
Steven: Sabrina, you didn't tell me you invited friends...
Serena van der Woodsen: Mm...
Blair Waldorf: That is so Sabrina.
Nate Archibald: She loves surprises.
Dan Humphrey: She has so many surprises you could write a book about them.

Georgina Sparks: Great news! You'll never guess what I found.
Blair Waldorf: Looks like Nate Archibald to me.

Blair Waldorf: I am with him! Or at least I will be. We made a pact. We have things we need to do on our own. And when we're both in that next place, we will be together. For good. End of story.
Dan Humphrey: So I didn't lose you to Chuck, I lost you to the idea of Chuck? At some point in hopefully not too distant future, maybe...?
Blair Waldorf: Well, when you put it that way...
Dan Humphrey: Blair, you had someone who loved you unconditionally, treated you right. I wanted to be with you every day, and you threw all that away! Until that Chuck Bass decides that he is ready for you? You think that you two have an epic love, but all you have are excuses.
Blair Waldorf: [on the urge of crying] I have to go find Serena.
[leaves Dan, who looks hurt and beaten]

Blair Waldorf: But like I said in the casino, I'm all in.
Chuck Bass: And my bet's on us.


"Gossip Girl: Blair Waldorf Must Pie! (#1.9)" (2007)
Eleanor Waldorf: Blair, he left us
Blair Waldorf: No mom he left you.

Serena van der Woodsen: Wait, you slept with him?
Blair Waldorf: Shh!
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair!
Blair Waldorf: What happened to no judging?
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm not, but I thought you wanted to wait. I thought you wanted to make things special.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, so Nate gets the free pass and I'm the slut?
Serena van der Woodsen: Tell me you didn't sleep with Chuck for revenge.
Blair Waldorf: Well it wasn't because I liked his natural musk. Besides, nothing hurts more than sleeping with the best friend, right S?
Serena van der Woodsen: Way to prove a point.

Blair Waldorf: I mean who gets wasted on thanksgiving?
Serena van der Woodsen: The holidays are lonely for people I wanted to keep them company. Whoo hoo!
Blair Waldorf: Your mom is freaking out, so my mom is freaking out.
Serena van der Woodsen: What which means you freak out? Blair just cut the cord, go nuts, come on let's do shots! Come on!
Blair Waldorf: I told Lily that you were buying a pie.
Serena van der Woodsen: Ooh, pie!
Blair Waldorf: Where is your purse?
Serena van der Woodsen: Uhh my purse?
Blair Waldorf: Oh, great alright. You stay here okay. I'm gonna go look. Don't drink or hit on anything.

Eleanor Waldorf: Blair, you haven't touched your food. My darling what has gotten into you?
Blair Waldorf: Well, I was going to wait until after dinner but I guess now is as good as time as any. Did you call daddy and say that I didn't want to see him this thanksgiving?
Eleanor Waldorf: Of course not! What a ridiculous accusation.
Blair Waldorf: So you didn't tell him that I was so angry at him for leaving, that I didn't even wanna talk to him today? You would know not to invite him.
Eleanor Waldorf: When are you gonna get it through your head, he left us.
Blair Waldorf: He didn't leave us, he left you.
Eleanor Waldorf: That's enough! That's enough. If you wanna take this up with me we can discuss it later after our guests have left. Right now you either eat or you leave the table.
Blair Waldorf: I told you I'm not hungry!
Eleanor Waldorf: Or maybe dessert will change your mind.
Blair Waldorf: Where's daddy's pie? I don't see his pumpkin pie.
Eleanor Waldorf: Well, there was so many delicious choices coming from the caterer, we just sent that one down to the doorman. What is thanksgiving afterall? Now choose one of those amazing desserts.

Serena van der Woodsen: Mom is such a hypocrite and all these years she's been writing me about my behavior.
Eric van der Woodsen: And here she's just mad at you for being her.
Dan Humphrey: And all the time my dad has given me this advice based on this girl he dated, this girl a lot like Serena.
Jenny Humphrey: It's her mom.
Blair Waldorf: When you think about it, it makes total sense that your mom was a groupie. I mean only a woman that had completely satisfied her sexual appetite in her youth would ever marry your step-dads.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair can we not talk about my mom's appetite?
Dan Humphrey: Yeah, or, or who satisfied them.
Serena van der Woodsen: It's just...
Dan Humphrey: So...
Jenny Humphrey, Eric van der Woodsen: Gross!
[Jenny and Eric say in unison]
Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah!
Jenny Humphrey: No...

Serena van der Woodsen: Mom is such a hypocrite. And all these years, she's been riding me about my behavior.
Eric van der Woodsen: And here, she's just mad at you for being her.
Dan Humphrey: And all this time my dad has been giving me advice based on a girl he dated... a girl "a lot like Serena."
Jenny Humphrey: Her mom.
Blair Waldorf: If you think about it, it makes total sense that your mom was a groupie. I mean, only a woman that had completely satisfied her sexual appetite in her youth would ever marry your step dads.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair, can we not talk about my mom's appetite?
Dan Humphrey: No, or who satisfied her.
Serena van der Woodsen: That's just...
Serena van der Woodsen, Eric van der Woodsen, Dan Humphrey, Jenny Humphrey: Gross!


"Gossip Girl: Raiders of the Lost Art (#5.22)" (2012)
Dan Humphrey: I'm already late to meet Alessandra in Brooklyn. She's dying to come over the loft 'cause I know she wants to read my first chapter.
Blair Waldorf: It's not done?
Dan Humphrey: It's basically done.
Blair Waldorf: What is Dan Humphrey's definition of "basically"?
Dan Humphrey: Page 2. I'm blocked, alright? It happens.

Blair Waldorf: Chuck, I don't have time for any of your nonsense. I have a very busy day planned.
Chuck Bass: Blair, listen to me please. I have this book. It's written in code and I desperately need to crack. And I remembered how good you are at things like this. Or at least you were. Maybe that was the old you?
Blair Waldorf: [got a text from Dan cancelling their lunch plans] You know what, Bass? Today is your lucky day.

Dan Humphrey: Well, for starters, I will be going all summer so, you know, being a 21st century boyfriend I thought we should discuss it first.
Blair Waldorf: That's sweet. But I would never stand in the way of an opportunity like that. You have to take it.

Blair Waldorf: Scheming is classic Blair.

Blair Waldorf: Be with us. Not against us.

Blair Waldorf: Let's get rid of this bitch once and for all.


"Gossip Girl: Desperately Seeking Serena (#1.15)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: Nelly Yuki must be destroyed!
Serena van der Woodsen: Why do you keep saying her name?
Blair Waldorf: Because it's Nelly Yuki!

Blair Waldorf: [as Nelly Yuki walks up the steps to take the SATs, Blair quickly walks over to her] Rough night?
Nelly Yuki: Yeah. And not in a good way. Todd doesn't want to get back together.
[Blair's minions chime in with false pity]
Blair Waldorf: No? But he said...
Nelly Yuki: -We stayed up all night having the same conversation about why we broke up over and over again.
[Nelly Yuki drops her calculator and Blair takes out the batteries without anyone noticing]
Nelly Yuki: [Blair's minions chime in again calling Nelly Yuki's ex-boyfriend names] I got no sleep, spent the whole night crying.
Blair Waldorf: Aw, okay. Well good luck!
[Hands the calculator back to Nelly Yuki]

Nelly Yuki: [Blair walks by while playing a Flo Rida song] Oh God. Not that song.
Blair Waldorf: Nelly Yuki what's wrong?
Nelly Yuki: It's like it's happening all over again. That song just reminds me of my boyfriend. My ex-boyfriend I should say.
Blair Waldorf: Oh no, did he dump you?
[Nelly Yuki nods]
Blair Waldorf: That's horrible. What was his name? Brad? Bill?
Nelly Yuki: Todd. Jansen.
Blair Waldorf: [Quickly walks over to Nelly Yuki] There is nothing like the fresh sharp pain of a break up. Believe me. I've had my fair share of heart ache. But this is about you. Tonight, you're going to come over to my house and just cry till you get it all out of your system.
Nelly Yuki: I can't. I have to be focused tomorrow.
Blair Waldorf: You can't focus when something's on your mind, now can you?
[Closes Nelly Yuki's textbook]
Blair Waldorf: Come, come, come. Tell me all about it.
[Nelly Yuki smiles and is taken by Blair's false generosity]

Blair Waldorf: Lucky for us, mental acuity and common sense rarely come in the same package.

Serena van der Woodsen: I gotta wait for Dan. He's stressed, he doesn't do well with tests, so...
Blair Waldorf: Performance anxiety?
Serena van der Woodsen: Bye, Blair!

Blair Waldorf: Nelly Yuki has her sights set on Yale too. What are the odds of them accepting two girls from Constance? And have you seen Nelly Yuki's extracurriculars? I need to kick her well-rounded ass!


"Gossip Girl: Seventeen Candles (#1.8)" (2007)
Blair Waldorf: Do you... 'like' me?
Chuck Bass: Define like.
Blair Waldorf: You have got to be kidding me.
Chuck Bass: How do you think I feel? I can't sleep! I feel sick, like there's something in my stomach... fluttering.
[disgusted]
Blair Waldorf: Butterflies? Oh no, no, no, no no.
[horrified]

Blair Waldorf: We ended it. I wanted to tell you but I thought that if part of me said it, it wouldn't be true. It was my birthday wish for us to get back together and now I think it's really over.

Chuck Bass: Not as much as I enjoyed the memory of you purring in my ear which I have been replaying over and over...
Blair Waldorf: Well erase the tape!

Blair Waldorf: Oh my God! Do you like me?
Chuck Bass: Define like...

Blair Waldorf: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been... a while since my last confession.
Priest: What troubles you, my child?
Blair Waldorf: [sighs] After being broken up with my boyfriend for exactly twenty minutes, I succumbed to inebriation, performed at a Speak-Easy, and surrendered my virtue to a self-absorbed ass. The only good news is that he's a total pig who'll act like it never happened, thank God.
Priest: Ahem.
Blair Waldorf: Sorry. Truthfully, I'm not even Catholic.
Priest: [sarcastically] You don't say?
Blair Waldorf: But losing my virginity to Chuck Bass? None of my friends will ever understand. I'm ready for my punishment. Whatever you and God think is fair. Flogging, fasting, putting that thing with the teeth around my thigh like Silas.
Priest: How about some food for thought instead? Don't drink, keep your clothes on, try avoiding those who might cause you to stray.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, I plan to. Thank you, Father. That was very good advice.
[gets up but comes back]
Blair Waldorf: You don't grant birthday wishes, do you?
Priest: I'm a priest, not a genie.
Blair Waldorf: Well, the next time you talk to Him, would you ask Him to send my boyfriend back to me?

Chuck Bass: Are you ready for your present?
[Blair grabs his hair and pulls]
Chuck Bass: Owww! If you wanted to play ROUGH all you had to do was ask!
Blair Waldorf: You nauseate me!
Chuck Bass: All this talk about how you have to be with Nate or the world will end. Face it, it's over!
Blair Waldorf: You sound like a jealous boyfriend
Chuck Bass: Yeah right! You wish!
Blair Waldorf: No. You wish!
Chuck Bass: Please you forget who you're talking to
Blair Waldorf: So do you. Do you... like me?
Chuck Bass: Define "like"?
Blair Waldorf: Ohh! Ahh! You have got to be kidding! I do not believe this
Chuck Bass: How do you think I feel! I haven't sleep, I feel sick; like there is something in my stomach... fluttering.
Blair Waldorf: Butterflies? Oh, no,no,no,no,no! No,no,no! This is not happening!
Chuck Bass: Believe me no one is more surprised or ashamed than I am.
Blair Waldorf: Chuck, you know that I adore all of God's creatures and the metaphors that they inspire, but those butterflies have got to be murdered!
Chuck Bass: Fine! It wasn't that great anyway.
Blair Waldorf: Thanks!


"Gossip Girl: Bad News Blair (#1.4)" (2007)
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair, Blair wait where are you going? Blair, wait why are you so mad?
Blair Waldorf: Why am I mad? You mean why aren't I furious! I can't believe for one second I thought it would be different this time.
Serena van der Woodsen: You thought what would be different?
Blair Waldorf: You couldn't deal with the spotlight shining on me for once could you?
Serena van der Woodsen: What are you talking about? I was told we were doing this together. What did you not get my message?
Blair Waldorf: What about this morning then? When you glanced at the call sheet, did you see my name on it. When I wasn't in hair and makeup didn't that seem strange? When the dressing room only had your name on the door, what did you think they just forgot?
Serena van der Woodsen: I was told you were running late and they asked me to do some tests shots first. Blair they told me you wanted me here.
Blair Waldorf: And you believe them?
Serena van der Woodsen: Look Blair I encouraged you to do this. Why would I try to steal something from you that I pushed you to do?
Blair Waldorf: Because you take everything from me! Nate, my mom!
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair!
Blair Waldorf: You can't even help it, it's who you are. I just thought maybe this time it would be different. I should've known I'd be wrong.

Blair Waldorf: Oh God, forgot what it was like to be with you.
[Serena and Blair pass two guys looking at them]
Serena van der Woodsen: No they were looking at both of us.
Blair Waldorf: Don't insult me. It's been like this all morning starting with your lovely visit with my mother. She didn't even call me to tell me I was coming home.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well she was busy, she was rushing to get home and everything, because she wanted to see you.
Blair Waldorf: She didn't even wake me up.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well you know how Eleanor feels about beauty rest.
Blair Waldorf: She likes you more than me.
Serena van der Woodsen: She does not you're her daughter. She doesn't like anyone more than you she just, I dunno doesn't know how to show it sometimes.
Blair Waldorf: Okay, I'm going inside. Wait for me I'll be right back.

Blair Waldorf: Did you choose Serena over me? You could've picked a stranger; you didn't have to choose my best friend. What, you think I wouldn't have found out?
Eleanor Waldorf: I was going to tell you tonight at dinner. There was no right decision. There wasn't any time. I know you can understand all this. It was mishandled, the whole thing from top to bottom.
Blair Waldorf: You actually want me to agree with you.
Eleanor Waldorf: Bendel's will legitimize this company. It will take everything to the next level, you know how hard I have worked for that. You've always been my biggest supporter, my biggest fan.
Blair Waldorf: I'm your daughter.
Eleanor Waldorf: And as my daughter, I knew that you would forgive me, in time, but if my company had lost this deal because of you, I'd never forgive myself.
Blair Waldorf: I hope you never do.

Serena van der Woodsen: So, you were right.
Blair Waldorf: I know.
Serena van der Woodsen: When I got that call I should've known you had nothing to do with it and I should never had pushed you to do this whole thing in the first place.
Blair Waldorf: Actually I'm glad you pushed me. It ended up being a very important day for me. I just thought it was gonna be more fun.
Serena van der Woodsen: I know me too.
[the girls hug]
Serena van der Woodsen: Hey you know what, who says it still can't be? Come on, come on!
[the girls run off and steal Blair's mom's clothes]

Blair Waldorf: Serena sent you here to talk to me?
Dan Humphrey: No believe it or not I actually came here myself.
Blair Waldorf: Normally I wouldn't be this close to you without a tetanus shot.


"Gossip Girl: Last Tango, Then Paris (#3.22)" (2010)
Dan Humphrey: Blair... Say life is giving you signs, and you're ignoring them because you're afraid of the thing they're signaling you to do. But-but then-but then you think, what if these signs are here for a reason and-and ignoring them just makes me a coward?
Blair Waldorf: Signs are for the religious, the superstitious, and the lower class. I don't believe in them and neither should you.

Blair Waldorf: [to Jenny] When are you gonna get it? For three years, you've tried to worm your way into our world, but you will never be a part of it no matter what you do. This isn't copycat dressing at Constance or dumping dairy on your best friend to prove a point. Nate and Serena? That's mythic. You don't mess with that and survive. You're hurting people I love. You're hurting people you love.
Jenny Humphrey: I wasn't trying to, I...
Blair Waldorf: Nate loves Serena, Dan loves Vanessa -God knows why-, and chuck loves me. But, you, Jenny? No one loves you, except your daddy. And after what you pulled yesterday, who knows if that's even true anymore?

Dorota Kishlovsky: Miss Blair, I defriend Mr. Chuck in Facebook and in life. But... This is pretty romantic thing he's doing. If not going means never having Chuck in your life again, are you prepared to live like that?
Blair Waldorf: Yes, but even if I'm not, if you let me go anywhere near 34th street, there won't be a miracle but a massacre.

Dan Humphrey: [after punching Chuck] You tell her!
Blair Waldorf: Tell me what? What's going on?
[realizes what happened between Chuck and Jenny]
Blair Waldorf: You didn't.
Chuck Bass: Blair.
Blair Waldorf: [to Chuck] You did.
[to Jenny]
Blair Waldorf: You! Get out of here now. And not just out of this hospital, but off this island. Go and never come back, because if you ever set foot in Manhattan again, I will know, and I will destroy you.
Jenny Humphrey: Blair, I'm sorry.
Dan Humphrey: You have no reason to be sorry. This begins and ends with Chuck.

Blair Waldorf: How could you? You and Jenny? She's 16 years old!
Chuck Bass: [very remorseful] Blair, when you didn't show up, I thought you didn't love me anymore. I didn't care if I lived or died. When Jenny Humphrey showed up...
Blair Waldorf: [cutting him off] Don't say her name... or anything else to me ever again! This whole night didn't happen.


"Gossip Girl: The Ex-Files (#2.4)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: Hold that non-thought.

Serena van der Woodsen: I just hid there, how pathetic is that? No don't answer that.
Blair Waldorf: Break ups are easy, it's having to see them date someone else that's hard. Why do you think I rub it in Chuck's face every chance I get?
Serena van der Woodsen: A twisted version of foreplay?
Blair Waldorf: Ignoring you.

Blair Waldorf: The point is whoever dates first wins and with your ex being Dan Humphrey you win by default.

Blair Waldorf: Sure it won't be awkward?
Lord Marcus: Awkward? How?
Blair Waldorf: Juggling two women under one roof. You are sleeping with Catherine right? Or do you prefer mom?
Lord Marcus: I can explain.
Blair Waldorf: Hooking up with your dads second wife? I thought my family was twisted but you people take the cake.
Lord Marcus: It's only happened a few times and I put a stop to it when I met you.
Blair Waldorf: I really opened myself up to you.
Lord Marcus: Look can't, can't we still...
Blair Waldorf: Oh please I just want to get through this without throwing up in my mouth.

Blair Waldorf: What did I tell you? I told you to do nothing! What was that too difficult?
Vanessa Abrams: I thought I would leave doing nothing to you.
Blair Waldorf: I was taking care of it!
Vanessa Abrams: How? By having a romantic lunch with your boyfriend? You know what I think? I think you were so scared if anyone finding out who your boyfriend was screwing, that you were willing to screw Nate. Catherine's husband promised that the Captain would be safe, it's over.
Blair Waldorf: You know what I think? I think I'd gotten Catherine to agree to pay off the Archibald debts and leave town in exchange for my silence. Nate was about to have his old life back until you went to the Duke. He put them on a plane to London an hour ago. So your right it is over for Nate thanks to you.


"Gossip Girl: The Big Sleep No More (#5.7)" (2011)
Blair Waldorf: I simply cannot let Chuck chucking with my head.

Serena Van Der Woodsen: Why is it when you don't want Gossip Girl to post about you she does constantly and when you do, silence?
Blair Waldorf: I share your frustration.

Blair Waldorf: Well, I always thought you were too good to blog.
Serena Van Der Woodsen: Well, I think you're too good to scheme.

Dorota Kishlovsky: [to Blair, who put pillows under the covers to make Dorota think she was sleeping] You really think pillows under covers trick me? You lumpier now.
Blair Waldorf: You can't expect me to sit in my pregnant laurels while Chuck gets away with a secret double life.

Chuck Bass: [a masked girl enters the room] Blair?
Blair Waldorf: [taking her mask off] Of course you knew it was me. Was it my perfume?
Chuck Bass: I should get back to the performance.
Blair Waldorf: You can't disrupt the drama. Looks like we're stuck, together, alone, amongst the masked and the anonymous. Do you remember when we used to play dress-up?
Chuck Bass: [skeptically] How could I forget? Though I didn't think this was your kind of entertainment anymore.
Blair Waldorf: At least I know I'm safe, locked in here with the new Chuck Bass who has none of his old urges.
[while getting closer and closer to him]
Blair Waldorf: I have to admit, I had a hard time believing you at first but now I see; the therapy, the apology. You really have changed.
[teasingly]
Blair Waldorf: As warm as it's getting in here, I can sweep the hair from the nape of my neck without setting you off.
[Chuck looks more and more lustful at Blair]
Blair Waldorf: It's such a relief to be able to... let my guard down.
[leaning toward Chuck]
Blair Waldorf: Oh, look! They even have Red Hots. Mmm. You never could resist.
[taking a candy to his lips]
Blair Waldorf: Do you want one?
Chuck Bass: [struggling with himself] No, but thank you.
Blair Waldorf: [still holding the candy to his lips] No one is looking. Even the new Chuck Bass must still have some of his darkest desires. Just a taste.
[Chuck gives in and passionately kisses Blair]


"Gossip Girl: The Serena Also Rises (#2.5)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: Don't ever go to high school, Dorota.

Blair Waldorf: Don't ever go to high school Dorota! The girls there are spoiled, stupid, and ungrateful. One snapshot with a socialite and it's all Serena, Serena, Serena!
Dorota: Some tea will calm your nerves.
Blair Waldorf: Don't they know that without me they'd never see the inside of a fashion tent? They'd be stuck behind the barricades with PETA. In fact I will leave them outside with PETA, maybe that'll teach them some manners.
[Blair looks down at her seating chart for the fashion show]
Blair Waldorf: Something's different. Who put Serena and that Poppy person in the front row and all these socialites? Someone changed this chart, the chart my mother asked me to do, who changed it?
Dorota: Eleanor said Ms. Jenny change.
Blair Waldorf: Jenny Humphrey? I guess she didn't learn her lesson last year. Looks like someone needs a refresher course.

Blair Waldorf: Serena can we talk?
Serena van der Woodsen: About what? How you tried to publicly humiliate me?
Blair Waldorf: You know about the dress?
Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah Laurel told me, she said it was an accident, clearly she doesn't know you.
Blair Waldorf: I'm sorry, I was hurt okay. You, you blew off our most beloved tradition.
Serena van der Woodsen: Just get over it Blair.
Blair Waldorf: Excuse me?
Serena van der Woodsen: My whole life I have been bending over backwards to protect your feelings and you know what? It's not my fault you're so insecure.
Blair Waldorf: And I'm sure it's not your fault you're so conceited.
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm just tired of trying to hold myself back so I don't outshine you.
Blair Waldorf: Oh my god, can you hear the words that are coming out of your mouth?
Serena van der Woodsen: It's just the truth. From now on, I'm gonna be who I am and if you can support that and not be threatened and competitive then great, if not...
[Serena walks away]

Blair Waldorf: What do you want?
Serena van der Woodsen: I tried to reach you all night why haven't you returned any of my calls?
Blair Waldorf: What is there to say? You've only taken over the girls at school and abandoned our oldest tradition to go to my mother's show with a complete stranger.
Serena van der Woodsen: First of all, I didn't take over the girls at school.
Blair Waldorf: Are you really gonna pretend like you don't notice what's been going on?
Serena van der Woodsen: What? These girls are like hummingbirds, they move from flower to flower, they'll be on to someone else next week and then back to you, it's not a big deal.
Blair Waldorf: And I suppose it's not a big deal that your sitting front row at my mother's show either?
Serena van der Woodsen: She asked me to do it as a favor.
Blair Waldorf: Oh and how could you possibly dissapoint my mother? Though you have no problem screwing over your best friend?
Serena van der Woodsen: Fine I won't go!
Blair Waldorf: Good!
Serena van der Woodsen: And then Poppy won't go and her friends won't go and then you can explain to your mother why she has an empty front row, would that make you happy?
Blair Waldorf: At least I won't have to watch the next episode of the Serena show.
Serena van der Woodsen: You know I was coming over here to invite you to hang out with us.
Blair Waldorf: Oh how generous Serena! I should feel so blessed that you would include me in your little group!
Serena van der Woodsen: You know what Blair I am gonna go to that show and I'm gonna sit front row and I'm gonna enjoy every minute of it!


"Gossip Girl: The Dark Night (#2.3)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: [talking about Chuck] You are living proof a person can't buy class.

Blair Waldorf: Not that's it's any of your business but Marcus and I have an amazing sex life.
Chuck Bass: Is that so?
[pause]
Chuck Bass: What names does he call you when you make love?
[Blair doesn't say anything and Chuck turns her around and grasps her hand]
Chuck Bass: Where does he put his hand? Does he...
[starts whispering seductively in Blair's ear]
Chuck Bass: Have sex with me.
Blair Waldorf: What?
Chuck Bass: Just once that's all I need.
Blair Waldorf: You are disgusting and I hate you!
Chuck Bass: Then why are you still holding my hand?
[Blair turns back around]
Blair Waldorf: I have a party to host.
[walks off]

Blair Waldorf: It's a city-wide blackout but we have candles. Everything's fine.

Catherine: Blair have you seen Nate?
Blair Waldorf: Um, no it's a blackout.
Catherine: That girl showed up, they went off somewhere together.
Blair Waldorf: Honestly Catherine, so what? If they wanna be together you can't stop them. Just deal with it.
Catherine: I wouldn't expect you to understand.
Blair Waldorf: Hot young guy. Aging beauty enjoying her last hooray before the surgeries start. It's called a cliché.
Catherine: Is Marcus everything you could possibly hope for?
Blair Waldorf: Yes absolutely.
Catherine: Really? There's not one thing that's missing? That one thing you tell yourself you can live without? That'd you happily sacrifice for the rest? So tell you what, you're gonna sacrifice it every day for the rest of your life. Nate makes me feel alive. I'm not gonna give that up.


"Gossip Girl: Hi, Society (#1.10)" (2007)
Blair Waldorf: A girl wants Romeo not Hamlet.
Serena van der Woodsen: Romeo died.

Chuck Bass: You looked pretty hot on Prince Theodore's arm today.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, Is that what I am to you?
[kisses him]
Blair Waldorf: Just an accessory?
Chuck Bass: Next to him yes...
[flips her over, she is now straddling him]
Chuck Bass: On me you'd be so much more.
Blair Waldorf: Yes, but I can't be on you remember? Cause you don't want Nate to find out and I don't want anyone too.
[pulls him up by his collar]
Blair Waldorf: But you have to learn to behave yourself first.
[she kisses him again]

Chuck Bass: You looked pretty hot on Prince Theodore's arm today.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, is that what I am to you?
[kisses him]
Blair Waldorf: Just an accessory?
Chuck Bass: Next to him yes...
[he flips her over so that she's now straddling him]
Chuck Bass: On me you'd be so much more.
Blair Waldorf: Yes, but I can't be on you remember? Cause you don't want Nate to find out and I don't want anyone too.
[she pulls him up by his collar]
Blair Waldorf: But you have to learn to behave yourself first.
[she kisses him again]


"Gossip Girl: The Return of the Ring (#5.24)" (2012)
Blair Waldorf: If I was truly powerful, I'd be content without any man at all.

Blair Waldorf: Fashion is art and culture and history and everything I love combined.

Blair Waldorf: Nothing's holding me back anymore. I know what I want and I'm gonna get it.


"Gossip Girl: Roman Holiday (#1.11)" (2007)
Blair Waldorf: Hey! Nice holiday spirit scrooge!
[trying to flag down a cab but it doesn't stop for her]
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh gosh, so it's gonna be a real Waldorf Christmas?
Blair Waldorf: Well a real Waldorf Christmas Eve. Eleanor drew the line at Christmas Day that's only for me, her, and Dorota.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well you still have a couple of days with your dad.
Blair Waldorf: Well it'll be more than just a couple of days, I'm gonna convince him to stay in New York.
Serena van der Woodsen: What about Paris and Roman?
Blair Waldorf: Roman is a phase my father belongs here with me, he only left New York to ride out the scandal. Time to come home, don't you think? Hey did you wanna ask me something?
Serena van der Woodsen: Yes, a gift idea for Dan now that Vanessa got him the most thoughtful Dan-like present ever.
Blair Waldorf: Why don't you just buy him a new outfit for Cedrick and call it day.
Serena van der Woodsen: Thank you for being totally not helpful at all. See you tomorrow night.
Blair Waldorf: Bye!

Blair Waldorf: [leaving a voicemail to Chuck] Chuck you are not answering my calls to torture me I'm sure but please for the love of God do not tell anybody about us okay, please, please.
[Blair hangs up the phone right as Serena walks in]
Serena van der Woodsen: Hey you told me to come right away is everything alright?
Blair Waldorf: Yeah.
Serena van der Woodsen: Why aren't you with your dad?
Blair Waldorf: I need your login for your agency site from your modeling days.
Serena van der Woodsen: My modeling days? I did one print ad for Gap when I was twelve. What are you holding an open call or something?
Blair Waldorf: Well I have one specific look in mind.
Serena van der Woodsen: Okay, well I don't know if I'll still even be in here. Well look at that.
Blair Waldorf: Addresses and phone numbers, perfect. You know I called you an hour ago BTW your late.
Serena van der Woodsen: Um, your lucky I'm even here at all it's Christmas Eve and I still haven't found a gift for Dan. Now all the stores are closing and I'm totally screwed. Do you have any idea what you can buy for under fifty-dollars these days?
Blair Waldorf: I dunno, a single entrée at a mid-priced restaurant, three quarters of a DVD box set, maybe a pair of woolfred stockings.
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, stockings yes great idea for Dan. Blair please this is serious.
Blair Waldorf: I dunno, why don't you buy a him a gold money cliping card and say it's forty-nine ninety-nine he won't know the difference.
Serena van der Woodsen: What are you doing anyway?
Blair Waldorf: I'm booking me a model.

Blair Waldorf: Dorota's gonna kill you if you get glue on that comforter.
Serena van der Woodsen: Sorry we've turned your room into an art studio B but the clock is ticking.
Vanessa Abrams: I'm done.
Eric van der Woodsen: Wow.
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh my gosh, wow that's amazing. Thank you so much Vanessa this is going to be incredible.
Vanessa Abrams: Good I'm glad I could help. I think he'll really love it.
Blair Waldorf: Vanessa, I think I'd like to help with this little project. Would you come and help me find another pair of scissors?
[Blair and Vanessa walk into the bathroom]
Blair Waldorf: It's so nice what your doing for your friend Dan, helping his girlfriend make his Christmas present. Serena is so grateful because she likes to see the best in people, I like to see the truth.
Vanessa Abrams: Yeah? And what's that?
Blair Waldorf: I think you like Dan a little too much, just thought I should let you know someone's watching. Merry Christmas.
[Vanessa walks out of the bathroom]
Vanessa Abrams: I'm taking off call me when you're done.
Serena van der Woodsen: Okay, where you going?
Blair Waldorf: I'm gonna go check on my daddy.
Eric van der Woodsen: I thought you were gonna help.
Blair Waldorf: I think my works done here.


"Gossip Girl: Dr. Estrangeloved (#3.19)" (2010)
Blair Waldorf: It's no use to deny the past. Chuck is a part of me. He'll always be. It just hurts so much.
Dorota Kishlovsky: In Poland, we have a saying, "Love is like head wound." It make you dizzy, you think you die, but you recover. Usually.

Blair Waldorf: Did you send the invitations by carrier pigeon? I-is the elevator broken? A meteor headed for earth?
[to Dorota]
Blair Waldorf: You were against this from the start. What did you do?

Chuck Bass: I haven't read any posts on Gossip Girl yet. I guess my ban works in the provinces.
Blair Waldorf: I knew it. I knew you'd fatwa'd me.
Chuck Bass: And I knew you couldn't break it.
Blair Waldorf: You're wrong. I could have.
Chuck Bass: Then why didn't you?
Blair Waldorf: Because... I suddenly realized it. The way to get over you, isn't by hooking up with some random guy or pretending like we didn't happen. You and I loved each other. And then you broke my heart. I've been doing everything possible not to face that fact. I'm gonna kiss somebody someday, and when I do, it'll be for me. Good-bye, Chuck.


"Gossip Girl: The Goodbye Gossip Girl (#2.25)" (2009)
Chuck Bass: I was a coward running away again. But everywhere I went, you caught up with me, so I had to come back.
Blair Waldorf: I want to believe you, but I can't. You've hurt me too many times.
Chuck Bass: You can believe me this time.
Blair Waldorf: That's it?
Chuck Bass: I love you, too.
Blair Waldorf: [They kiss then Blair breaks it off] But can you say it twice?
Chuck Bass: [Kisses] I love you.
[Kisses again]
Chuck Bass: I love three.
[Kisses]
Chuck Bass: I love you four.

Blair Waldorf: We need to talk.
Chuck Bass: I prefer to talk after.

Blair Waldorf: Gossip Girl can be right about all she wants but I wont let her be right about me, I will not be weak any more. You can't run, you have to stay here and hear it this time. Chuck Bass I love you. I love so much it consumes me. I love you, I know you love me too. Tell me you love me and everything we've done all the gossip and lies and the hurt would have been for something. Tell me it was for something.


"Gossip Girl: Ex-Husbands and Wives (#3.21)" (2010)
Chuck Bass: I'm sorry your new beau had to abandon our mission.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, he had a dinner with his rugby team.
Chuck Bass: How homoerotic.

Chuck Bass: [to Blair] I did the most dangerous thing I could when I said I love you, and it was worth it. If I got through my fear for you, you can get through yours for me. You have until tomorrow to decide.
Blair Waldorf: What?
Chuck Bass: We're never going to be safe. So are you brave enough or aren't you? I'll be waiting at the top of the Empire State Building.
Blair Waldorf: You can't Affair to Remember me.
Chuck Bass: If you're not there tomorrow, at 7:01, I'm closing my heart to you forever.
Blair Waldorf: Well, I won't be there.

Blair Waldorf: [to Jenny & Chuck] The two of you here together? Please tell me there's an explanation that doesn't involve the apocalypse.
Chuck Bass: We come in peace and with a purpose.


"Gossip Girl: While You Weren't Sleeping (#4.16)" (2011)
Dan Humphrey: Sure you're not ready to admit you need my help?
Blair Waldorf: Never! No, never isn't what he transitioned Spain into, it's modernism and don't get caught talking during a test.
Dan Humphrey: When was the last time you slept?
Blair Waldorf: Sleep is for the weak. And speaking of which, don't act like I don't know why you're really here. It's because you're avoiding Ben and Serena at the loft.
Dan Humphrey: No, I'm waiting for you to crack.

Dan Humphrey: Now, what's so urgent?
Blair Waldorf: I wanted to tell you... that you were right... about that... thing.
Dan Humphrey: And now, which thing was that?
Blair Waldorf: I, Blair Waldorf, need Dan Humphrey's help.
Dan Humphrey: As a friend and peer, not as an underling.
Blair Waldorf: [mumbling] As my friend and peer, not my underling.
[Dan mocks Blair by aping after her, mumbling and tilting his head]


"Gossip Girl: The Wrong Goodbye (#4.22)" (2011)
Blair Waldorf: We need to talk.
Louis Grimaldi: I see.
Blair Waldorf: Louis...
Chuck Bass: Blair.
Blair Waldorf: No, I need to do this myself. What I need to tell you is...
Chuck Bass: What she's trying to say is you have my blessing. I couldn't be more happy the two of you are getting married.

Dan Humphrey: So you're really getting married, huh?
Blair Waldorf: Yes, and you're actually going to be invited. I bet you never thought you'd get to go to a royal wedding.
Dan Humphrey: Only my own. Do you think you could introduce me to Charlotte Casiraghi? Listen, if the castle gets lonely, um, you want to watch a movie with a friend?
Blair Waldorf: I already copied your queue. Our e-mail discourse begins Monday with Hal Ashby's The Landlord. And we'll take it from there.


"Gossip Girl: The Fugitives (#5.23)" (2012)
Blair Waldorf: There is nothing I want more than to spend the summer right by your side
[to Dan Humphrey]
Blair Waldorf: .

Blair Waldorf: The most important thing in a relationship is trust. After sex and hygiene and earning potential.


"Gossip Girl: Salon of the Dead (#5.20)" (2012)
Blair Waldorf: [to Dan] We tried to create a new world for our relationship to exist but we failed miserably. You don't live in my world and I certainly don't want to live in yours. So what does that leave us?

Blair Waldorf: You do realize that means you'd be entering my world?
Dan Humphrey: I do. Our relationship isn't about choosing one world or another. Our relationship is our world.


"Gossip Girl: The Unblairable Lightness of Being (#3.18)" (2010)
Nate Archibald: [about Chuck] And whatever he did, I'm sure you can find a suitable punishment for him.
Blair Waldorf: There is no punishment for what he did.
Nate Archibald: You're Blair Waldorf. Punishment is your middle name.

Blair Waldorf: Everything you said last night was true. We do belong together. We're both sick and twisted. If you think about it, we're incredibly fortunate to have even found each other.
Chuck Bass: Blair, I don't want this to be you settling some sort of consolation.
Blair Waldorf: We've both hit rock bottom, Chuck, but we've hit it together. At least we won't be lonely in hell.


"Gossip Girl: The Debarted (#3.12)" (2009)
Blair Waldorf: You're strong. You carry people. You carry me.

Chuck Bass: My father always thought I was weak. And in the moment that mattered most I was. I couldn't be there when he, uh... I left right away. I've been pushing myself to prove him wrong, and pushing you away.
Blair Waldorf: I don't think you ran away because you couldn't handle death. I think it's because you couldn't handle feelings. You're not like that anymore. You're strong. You carry people. You carry me. You're becoming a man in a way that your father never was.


"Gossip Girl: Despicable B (#5.21)" (2012)
Dorota Kishlovsky: You sure you want to read miss Blair? There are some bad things about friends in there.
Blair Waldorf: Don't you know me at all? I love reading bad things about my friends. It's the only thing that makes me feel better about myself.

Blair Waldorf: I'm sick of being behind-the-scenes in a relationship.
Dan Humphrey: You're not behind-the-scenes with me. That's what I love about us. We are equals in this.
Blair Waldorf: Well that's not how I feel. And it's clearly not how other people view me.
Dan Humphrey: Maybe you were so focused on how everyone else perceives you that you no longer know who you are. That's too bad because if you can only see what I see.


"Gossip Girl: It's a Wonderful Lie (#2.12)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: What do we have, Chuck?
Chuck Bass: Tonight. So shut up. And dance with me.

Blair Waldorf: Where did you find these people?
Dorota: Facebook. I joined few groups.


"Gossip Girl: Easy J (#4.6)" (2010)
Blair Waldorf: [to her "minions"] Yours is not to wonder why, yours is to do or die!

Blair Waldorf: [over the phone] Penelope, this isn't the Congress. Accomplish something!


"Gossip Girl: The Backup Dan (#5.14)" (2012)
Blair Waldorf: I wanna apologize. Everything you said was right. I could never have survived this last month without you.
[pauses]
Blair Waldorf: I also know you wrote those vows.
Dan Humphrey: Well, I... you know, Louis asked me to, I-I just... I just tried to write down what I assumed he would love about you.
Blair Waldorf: Well, you did a great job. It's pretty obvious that you care way more about me than Louis. As a friend, of course.
Dan Humphrey: [halfhearted] Yeah. Of course.
Blair Waldorf: And I care about you too. Even if I have odd ways of showing it, like bossing you around, or making fun of your hair... Seriously, you should cut it already.
[Dan laughs]
Blair Waldorf: Thank you for helping me. And I really am sorry for maxing out your credit card and not reading your book.
Dan Humphrey: No, you have much bigger problems to deal with. Speaking of, what now?
Blair Waldorf: I know what I have to do. I just need to know that you'll be there for me.
Dan Humphrey: Always.
[they hug]


"Gossip Girl: Memoirs of an Invisible Dan (#5.4)" (2011)
Dan Humphrey: Hey, everyone, thank you so much for coming.
Serena Van Der Woodsen: I only have five minutes.
Blair Waldorf: This better be really important.
Nate Archibald: What is this about?
Lily: Is everything alright?
Charlie Rhodes: This isn't about me, right?
Rufus Settle: Yeah, what's going on, Dan?
Chuck Bass: This is going to be fun.


"Gossip Girl: The Magnificent Archibalds (#2.11)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: Remember, Serena doesn't share.
Serena van der Woodsen: Remember, Blair should learn to.


"Gossip Girl: Dirty Rotten Scandals (#6.3)" (2012)
Blair Waldorf: How could you do this to me? Just because I didn't give your geriatric boyfriend a seat doesn't mean you had to tell Sage to sabotage my show.
Serena van der Woodsen: Save it, Blair! You were so upset that I care more about Steven then your show that you had to destroy my relationship.
Blair Waldorf: I didn't tell her to take off her dress in front of all of New York City on that fashion runway. You did.
Serena van der Woodsen: No, I didn't. I would rather avoid the child pornography charges.
Blair Waldorf: Well, if I didn't tell her to take off the dress and you didn't tell her to take off the dress, then who did?
[Sage entes]
Sage Spence: [smug] Nobody. I happened to like the underwear more.


"Gossip Girl: Dan de Fleurette (#3.4)" (2009)
Blair Waldorf: Chuck, NYU is not the Upper East Side. They don't care about Constance, or social hierarchy. They don't care that I'm Blair Waldorf! It's over.
Chuck Bass: How can you do this to me?
Blair Waldorf: What are you talking about?
Chuck Bass: I'm Chuck Bass. And I told you I love you. You're saying I'm easier to win over than a bunch of pseudo-intellectual homesick malcontents. You really insult me like that?
Blair Waldorf: That's not how it is.
Chuck Bass: It's exactly how it is. The next time you forget you're Blair Waldorf, remember I'm Chuck Bass. And I love you.


"Gossip Girl: The Jewel of Denial (#5.3)" (2011)
Dan Humphrey: Go to your interview, I'll meet you at your apartment, and we'll open it there.
Blair Waldorf: That is much more civilized. Unlike your hair, Humphrey. You look like a muppet.


"Gossip Girl: I Am Number Nine (#5.6)" (2011)
Chuck Bass: I'm not here to apologize about what happened tonight.
Blair Waldorf: Then what are you here to apologize for?
Chuck Bass: Everything else... I'm sorry for losing my temper the night you told me Louis proposed to you... I'm sorry for not waiting longer at the Empire State Building... I'm sorry for treating you like property... And I'm sorry *sigh* I didn't tell you I loved you when I knew I did... Most of all, I'm sorry that I gave up on us, and you never did.
Blair Waldorf: [sighs] Thank you.
[pause]
Blair Waldorf: I hope never giving up on people isn't going to be my downfall.
Chuck Bass: That's why you're going to be an amazing mother. You're always there for the people you love, even when they don't deserve it.


"Gossip Girl: The Blair Bitch Project (#1.14)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: How do you manage to get out of everything unscathed?
Serena van der Woodsen: Because I'm nice. You should try it. Come on, compliment me. Tell me my hair looks beautiful!
Blair Waldorf: But your hair looks disgusting. Did you even shower today?


"Gossip Girl: The Princess Dowry (#5.17)" (2012)
Dan Humphrey: Well if you came here to tell me what a horrible person I am, you're too late. I already know.
Blair Waldorf: That's not why I came.
Dan Humphrey: You got back together with Chuck?
Blair Waldorf: No.
Dan Humphrey: Are you... moving to a desert island where there are no men at all? You'll be living the rest of your life in peaceful solitude?
Blair Waldorf: No. I told Chuck he doesn't have my heart anymore. I realized it belongs to someone else.
Blair Waldorf: So Dan, are you going to invite me in or what?
[looks at Dan confused]
Blair Waldorf: What?
Dan Humphrey: You just said my name.
Blair Waldorf: Dan?
Dan Humphrey: You just said it again.
Blair Waldorf: Dan.
Dan Humphrey: Say it again.
Blair Waldorf: [laughs] Dan.


"Gossip Girl: Reversals of Fortune (#3.1)" (2009)
Blair Waldorf: What if we need games? What if without them we're boring?
Chuck Bass: We could never be boring.
Blair Waldorf: You say that, but I know you. You're Chuck Bass.
Chuck Bass: I'm not Chuck Bass without you.


"Gossip Girl: Beauty and the Feast (#5.2)" (2011)
[last lines]
Blair Waldorf: I don't wanna lose everything.
Dan Humphrey: You'll still have me.
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Maybe it's not bloodbonds that make us a family. Perhaps it's the people who know our secrets and love us anyway, so we can finally be ourselves. XO, XO, Gossip Girl.


"Gossip Girl: The Townie (#4.11)" (2010)
Blair Waldorf: We can't do nothing for three days. Who knows how far Juliet could get in that time?
Dan Humphrey: Yeah. I think we just gotta tell my dad and Lily. What Juliet did with these pills is against the law.
Blair Waldorf: Police and Parents. Of course that's your plan, Humphrey. Or we could sneak in to see Serena.
Blair Waldorf: That receptionist got a pretty good look at me, but maybe with a wig...
Dan Humphrey: That's your plan? Disguises and accents?
Blair Waldorf: I never said anything about accents. Can you do any?


"Gossip Girl: The Undergraduates (#4.3)" (2010)
Blair Waldorf: Once men have tasted caviar, it baffles me how they settle for catfish.