Serena van der Woodsen
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Quotes for
Serena van der Woodsen (Character)
from "Gossip Girl" (2007)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Gossip Girl: Pilot (#1.1)" (2007)
Dan Humphrey: You really wanna go out with some guy you don't know?
Serena van der Woodsen: Well you can't be any worse than the guys I do know.

Chuck Bass: I love it when you talk dirty.
Serena van der Woodsen: You just love it when a girl talks to you.

Serena van der Woodsen: So hows your mom going, with the divorce and all?
Blair Waldorf: Great. So my dad left her for another man- she lost fifteen pounds and got an eyelift. It's been good for her.
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm really sorry.
Blair Waldorf: Yeah, I could tell. Since you didn't call or write the entire time it was happening.

Serena van der Woodsen: How's your mom doing with the divorce?
Blair Waldorf: So, my dad left her for another man. She lost 15 pounds, got an eye lift. It's been good for her.

Serena van der Woodsen: You know my mom: if it's not broke, break it.

Serena van der Woodsen: Look, Blair's my best friend and you're her boyfriend. And she loves you. That's the way things are supposed to be.

Nate Archibald: You're back now.
Serena van der Woodsen: I didn't come back for you.

Serena van der Woodsen: Blair. Maybe we could meet tonight?
Blair Waldorf: I'd love to! But I'm doing something with Nate tonight.
Serena van der Woodsen: The Palace. 8:00? Nate will wait.
Gossip Girl: [narration; voice-over] Spotted at the Constance Billard Steps, S & B power struggle.
Blair Waldorf: I could only do... half hour?
Serena van der Woodsen: Thanks for making the time.
Blair Waldorf: You're my best friend.

Serena van der Woodsen: So, when's the party?
Blair Waldorf: Saturday... and you're kinda not invited. Since, until 12 hours ago, we all thought you were at boarding school. And Jenny used up all the invites.
Jenny Humphrey: Actually... "
Blair Waldorf: You can go now.

Serena van der Woodsen: You're like my sister. And with our families... we need each other.

Serena van der Woodsen: I miss you. I just want things to go back to the way they used to be. Ya know walking to school together. Dancing on tables at Bungalow. Midnight swimming at your mom's country house. Your like my sister. And ya know with our families, we need each other.
Blair Waldorf: Well, you missed some classic Eleanor Waldorf meltdowns. If it wasn't such a tradgedy it would've been funny. Actually it kind of was.
[both girls laugh]
Serena van der Woodsen: Well I wish I could've been there.
Blair Waldorf: You are now. I have to meet Nate. Kinda have something special planned.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well I don't wanna keep you but um...
Serena van der Woodsen: [gives Blair a hug] I love you B.
Blair Waldorf: I love you too S.

Serena van der Woodsen: Oh my god, this is so good! Thank you!
Chuck Bass: You know, if you really want to thank me, I've got a few ideas...
Serena van der Woodsen: It's just a sandwich, Chuck.

Chuck Bass: I'm going to have to tell my parents the hotel they just bought is serving minors.
Serena van der Woodsen: And if you get a drink, they're also serving pigs.
Chuck Bass: I love it when you talk dirty.

Serena van der Woodsen: Let me guess, you told everyone Erik's just visiting Grandpa in Rhode Island.
Lily van der Woodsen: Your Aunt Carol in Miami.
Serena van der Woodsen: So you're actually hiding him. He tries to take his own life and you're worried it's going to cost you mom of the year?
Lily van der Woodsen: Serena, you've been gone. Doing who-knows-what with God-knows who.
Serena van der Woodsen: I told you, boarding school was not like that!
Lily van der Woodsen: As happy as I am to have you home, you have no idea what it's been like.

Nate Archibald: Serena...
Serena van der Woodsen: No!... No.
Nate Archibald: But you're back now.
Serena van der Woodsen: I didn't come back for you! Look, Blair's my best friend, and you're her boyfriend, and she loves you. That's the way things are supposed to be.

Chuck Bass: Ooh, I love it when you talk dirty.
Serena van der Woodsen: You just love it when a girl talks to you.
Chuck Bass: Actually I prefer them when they're not talking.
Serena van der Woodsen: Chuck, I've missed your witty banter.

Serena van der Woodsen: How's your mom doing with the divorce?
Blair Waldorf: Great. So my dad left her for another man. She lost fifteen pounds, got an eyelift. It's been good for her.

Chuck Bass: I love this town. I'm going to have to tell my parents the hotel they just bought is serving minors.
Serena van der Woodsen: And if you get a drink, they're also serving pigs.
Chuck Bass: Ooh, I love it when you talk dirty.
Serena van der Woodsen: You just love when a girl talks to you.
Chuck Bass: Actually, I prefer them when they're not talking.
Serena van der Woodsen: [sarcastically] Mm. I've missed your witty banter.
Chuck Bass: Let's catch up. Take our clothes off, stare at each other.
Serena van der Woodsen: How about I just get a bite to eat? I'm drinking on an empty stomach.
Chuck Bass: I heard you didn't do that anymore.
Serena van der Woodsen: Special occasion.
Chuck Bass: Well, how about a grilled cheese with truffle oil? You love truffles.
Serena van der Woodsen: Enough to know it's not on the menu.
Chuck Bass: I'm connected.
Serena van der Woodsen: Only 'cause I'm hungry.


"Gossip Girl: New Haven Can Wait (#2.6)" (2008)
Serena van der Woodsen: Brown is an Ivy league school.
Blair Waldorf: Everyone knows that the only real Ivies are the holy trinity: Harvard, Yale, and Princeton.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well I know you may find this hard to believe but not everyone wants to go to Yale because not everyone wants to be Blair Waldorf.
Blair Waldorf: Not everyone can be. Since we're not friends anymore let me speak frankly, your not that smart. You lack focus and discipline. Charm is all well and good but in the real world knowledge is power. You wouldn't make it past the first round of admissions at Yale no matter how hard you tried. Have fun in Providence.
[Blair walks off]

Blair Waldorf: What are you doing Serena?
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh these lovely people were just showing me the course catalog.
Blair Waldorf: No, here Yale. Yale is mine.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well I admit I came to punish you for the things you said to me this morning.
Blair Waldorf: Fine, consider me punished. You can go home now!

Serena van der Woodsen: I'm so glad they did this alphabetically, cause now I get to see the look on your face when I use your answer even sooner.
Blair Waldorf: I can tell you right now the look on my face will be a vindication.

Serena van der Woodsen: I can't do it anymore Blair.
Blair Waldorf: That's because you almost lost. I had you pinned with that chicken wing, don't deny it.
Serena van der Woodsen: I don't mean this, I mean everything. The wars, the betrayal, the watching out for every possible land mine. It's exhausting.
Blair Waldorf: I'm sick of it too. I'm sick of always looking like Darth Vader next to sunshine Barbie. Life's to short, but you make it feel so long.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well if that's how we feel then maybe, maybe we shouldn't be friends. We were probably gonna grow apart in college anyway, so might as well just start now right?
Blair Waldorf: Fine by me. You'll live your life, I'll live mine.
Serena van der Woodsen: That sounds great.
Blair Waldorf: I agree.

Blair Waldorf: What are you doing here? Making sure the Dean knows it's all my fault?
Serena van der Woodsen: No - I came to tell him that Yale is your dream and you deserve to go here more than I do. What are you doing here?
Blair Waldorf: Doing the same thing for you.

Blair Waldorf: I don't wanna not know you. I can't not know you.
Serena van der Woodsen: Maybe we just had that fight because the reality of being separated next year is just scary to think about.
Blair Waldorf: So...
[Serena grabs Blair's hand]
Serena van der Woodsen: Wait for me. We'll ride home together.
Blair Waldorf: Okay.

Serena van der Woodsen: I won't accept, I can't like this.
[talking about her Yale acceptance]
Blair Waldorf: What? No you have to. It doesn't matter how you got it or why, it's an opportunity.
Serena van der Woodsen: No your my best friend. What's mine is yours.
Blair Waldorf: You can't share this.
Serena van der Woodsen: We'll find a way, together.
[hugs Blair]

Serena van der Woodsen: You look calm for someone who no longer has the perfect answer to the Dean's question.
Blair Waldorf: You don't think I came all the way here without a backup answer do you? Oh and it's a real crowd pleaser, it's gonna kill.

Blair Waldorf: Trying to come up with an answer for the Dean's parlor game?
Serena van der Woodsen: You manipulated your way in here?
Blair Waldorf: I get what I want Serena. Just like I'm gonna win tonight. What's your answer? Oh, no let me guess - Lauren Conrad?
Serena van der Woodsen: Try George Sand.
Blair Waldorf: Wait that's...
Serena van der Woodsen: Your answer? Not anymore. If your gonna cheat your way in then why should I play fair. Oh and I heard that the Dean asks his question in alphabetical order so since V comes before W, looks like the answers all mine.

Serena van der Woodsen: I cannot believe you did this.
Blair Waldorf: Why? It's not like you don't deserve it.
Dean Berube: Ms. van der Woodsen, would you like to explain?
Serena van der Woodsen: No, of course Dean Berube. Pete Fairman was a man that I knew.
Blair Waldorf: Man slash dealer.
Dean Berube: Ms. Waldorf let her speak.
Serena van der Woodsen: He died almost two years ago when I was with him. What happened was a tragedy and I am filled with regret over it, but I was not responsible.
Blair Waldorf: Were you responsible for the sextape?
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair!
Blair Waldorf: It wasn't very sexy if you ask me.
[Blair starts chucking and trying to taunt Serena]
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair that's enough let's go! Dean Berube, do you mind if we um, sort this out privately please?
Dean Berube: Take all the time you need.

Blair Waldorf: [Serena takes Blair outside of the Dean's house] Get your hands off of me! You're trying to kill me too!
Serena van der Woodsen: A guy died and you use it as part of a game? Who does that?
Blair Waldorf: It isn't a game! And this isn't just another thing on a laundry list, this is Yale, my dream! You crossed the line!
Serena van der Woodsen: And so did you when you brought up Pete! As far as my being here, you take that up with the school!
[Serena starts to walk off and then Blair throws her purse at Serena's head]
Serena van der Woodsen: You did not just do that.
Blair Waldorf: Why do you think you were invited? You know on paper your not Yale material! Could it be your face on page six of every tabloid magazine in the country? Your name everywhere? Face it Serena, Yale needs to up their hue rating just like all the other schools and their gonna use girls like you to do it!
Serena van der Woodsen: Shut up!
[Serena pushes Blair]
Blair Waldorf: You shut up!
[Blair pushes Serena and they both get in a catfight]


"Gossip Girl: All About My Brother (#1.16)" (2008)
Serena van der Woodsen: Why the long face? Are you still sad Mom wouldn't let you go to Monte Carlo for the bachelor party?
Eric van der Woodsen: No, I'm fine, I figured I'd let Bart, Chuck, and Prince Albert have their fun - ah, that didn't come out like I meant it.

Serena van der Woodsen: These rumors are getting to be ridiculous.
Eric van der Woodsen: Oh, like the one where I'm Gossip Girl.
Serena van der Woodsen: [laughing] Hey, it made sense at the time, you have to admit!
Eric van der Woodsen: It didn't make any sense.
Serena van der Woodsen: It did! Yeah, it did.

Serena van der Woodsen: It's a snub from one party, B. Plus, what's the big deal, anyway? You don't even like Asher.
Blair Waldorf: I didn't like last season's Louis Vuitton patchwork bag, either, but that doesn't mean I wanna see it all over town on Jenny Humphrey's arm.
Serena van der Woodsen: Touche.

Serena van der Woodsen: What's wrong? You look stressed, even for you.
Dan Humphrey: I'm still worried about Jenny.
Blair Waldorf: You mean because she's self-obsessed, self-serving, self-centered, self...
Dan Humphrey: No, no. I wish it was about her, and her self, but it's more about... who she's with. I can't get through to her. I tried, and she just completely blew me off. And she dissed my pants.
Blair Waldorf: Maybe I underestimated her.

Serena van der Woodsen: Who're talking to?
Eric van der Woodsen: Chuck.
Serena van der Woodsen: You - called Chuck?
Eric van der Woodsen: Yeah, I've been talking to him a lot lately. Guy's got his faults, but he's never judged me.

Serena van der Woodsen: Chuck, yes, I'm still fine. I haven't heard from Georgina in two weeks, so if you'd stop calling me I'd finally be rid of all of my monsters. Bye!

Georgina Sparks: Well I had fun, how about you?
Serena van der Woodsen: What do you want from me?
Georgina Sparks: I want things to go back to how they were. Before that night. Before things got so screwed up. We were such good friends and now we can be again.
Serena van der Woodsen: Why would I want to be friends with somebody who blackmails me, who outs my little brother at the dinner table?
Georgina Sparks: Eric was an honest mistake, I would never hurt him.
Serena van der Woodsen: No I don't believe you, I don't believe you about Eric about anything!
Georgina Sparks: Maybe your right. Maybe I did it on purpose
[scoffs]
Georgina Sparks: because I can. Because I know things, about you, about your family, about your boyfriend, and I know them before you do.
[flags down a cab]
Georgina Sparks: Oh, look cab. You get home safe.

Serena van der Woodsen: Blair...
[Serena just entered Blair's house]
Blair Waldorf: Serena what are you doing here it's late?
[Serena starts to cry]
Blair Waldorf: Oh my god, what happened, what's wrong? Talk to me.
Serena van der Woodsen: I can't.
Blair Waldorf: Of course you can.
Serena van der Woodsen: No, no B this is the one thing I can't tell you, I can't tell anyone.
Blair Waldorf: I'm not anyone, I'm me. You can tell me anything.
Serena van der Woodsen: No I can't because then that would make you a part of it and you can't be a part of this.
Blair Waldorf: What are you talking about, your starting to scare me.
[Serena crys more]
Blair Waldorf: Hey, hey, hey we're sisters. Your my family, what is you is me. There's nothing you could ever say to make me let go. I love you. What is it?
Serena van der Woodsen: I killed someone.

Lily van der Woodsen: Where do you think your going?
Serena van der Woodsen: I can't talk right now mom I'll explain later.
Lily van der Woodsen: If you invite an old friend to our quiet family dinner I expect you to stay and eat. You know how I always loved when Georgina came around.
Georgina Sparks: I ran into Lily in the lobby. You totally forgot to tell her I was coming over for dinner.
[kisses Serena on the cheek]
Georgina Sparks: Did you get my present?


"Gossip Girl: Much 'I Do' About Nothing (#1.18)" (2008)
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh babe, what's it gonna take for you to relax?
Blair Waldorf: Chuck
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh God! My ears are bleeding! Make it stop!

Serena van der Woodsen: When I told my mom not to go away with Rufus, it was cause I said you and I are forever... and I know I'm right.

Serena van der Woodsen: So Tuscany with Chuck, sounds romantic... minus the Chuck part.

Serena van der Woodsen: So that's it then? "Have a good summer, I'll see you back at school"?
Dan Humphrey: I guess.

Serena van der Woodsen: Hey.
Blair Waldorf: Hey. How go the prenuptials?
Serena van der Woodsen: Well my mom's done this enough times you'd think she be a pro by now but I dunno, her heart doesn't really seem in it.
Blair Waldorf: You think this will be us in 20 years? On to our fourth husbands?
Serena van der Woodsen: A girl can dream.
[the girls laugh]

Blair Waldorf: Speaking of true love, Dan isn't here?
Serena van der Woodsen: He's coming.
Blair Waldorf: So all is forgiven?
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm workin on it.
Blair Waldorf: What do you have to work on? He's the one who has to forgive you.
Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah - yeah that's what I'm workin on.

Blair Waldorf: You gonna be okay? Alone all summer without your best friend who always gets you out of trouble?
Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah, I'm looking forward to staying out of trouble for awhile.
Blair Waldorf: Have you talked to Dan?
Serena van der Woodsen: No, not since the wedding. It's for the best, for him and for me. I'm fine.

Serena van der Woodsen: Hey!
Nate Archibald: Hey!
Serena van der Woodsen: I was just seeing off Blair.
Nate Archibald: I was just on the phone with Chuck.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair and Chuck, now there's a couple you can root for.
Nate Archibald: Yeah, well if they're happy guess I'm happy.
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, come on Nate when have you ever been happy?
Nate Archibald: Wow the gloves are off today aren't they?
Serena van der Woodsen: Well I am feeling frisky, you know how I get in the summer.
Nate Archibald: Yeah I do.
[they laugh]
Serena van der Woodsen: Well you won't have to witness any of it. I'm locking myself away in the Hamptons house, well it is a summer to reflect alone.
Nate Archibald: I could not agree more. I just need to take a break away from everything and everyone.
Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah.
Serena van der Woodsen: [they both start to walk off but Serena turns back around to get Nate's attention] Hey! If you wanna reflect alone together, I'll be around.
Nate Archibald: What are you up to now?


"Gossip Girl: A Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate (#1.13)" (2008)
Serena van der Woodsen: Hi, Chuck.
Chuck Bass: Please, call me brother.

Serena van der Woodsen: I need to talk to you.
Chuck Bass: About getting knocked up? I must say I'm a little disappointed you weren't more careful.

Serena van der Woodsen: Blair...
Blair Waldorf: What? You want a lift to JFK?
Serena van der Woodsen: Your mom said you were going to France tonight.
Blair Waldorf: Well, she has a big mouth.
Serena van der Woodsen: B, I'm your best friend. She was shocked I didn't know.
Blair Waldorf: Well now you do.
Serena van der Woodsen: What I know is how you felt when I left without telling you.
Blair Waldorf: Is there a reason your here?
Serena van der Woodsen: Stay. Don't let some stupid scandal make you run away like it did me. Like it does everyone in our world.
Blair Waldorf: Everything's horrible. My whole life's falling apart.
Serena van der Woodsen: So rebuild it. Your a Waldorf remember? People don't tell you who you are, you tell them. Stay and fight. I'll fight with you.
Blair Waldorf: I'm so embarrassed. I'm so...
Serena van der Woodsen: So what? Start over. It can be done. I should know. We'll get through this together.
Blair Waldorf: You promise?
Serena van der Woodsen: Promise.

Serena van der Woodsen: Morning. Anybody notice the weather today?
Blair Waldorf: What?
Serena van der Woodsen: Take a look outside, B. My first response would be that the sky is a clear blue easy.
Blair Waldorf: Dorota you may be excused now.
Serena van der Woodsen: I can't believe you didn't tell me about you and Nate.
Blair Waldorf: What did he say?
Serena van der Woodsen: Nothing. Chuck did, when I went to see him because I thought maybe he could talk some sense into you.
Blair Waldorf: You had no right to do that.
Serena van der Woodsen: I was trying to help you B. I took a public bullet for you. Let another rumor about me run rampant, the whole school heard, even Dan.
Eleanor Waldorf: What's going on?
Serena van der Woodsen: Ask Blair. Her version of the story's always better.
[looks at Blair]
Serena van der Woodsen: Fine.
[Serena leaves]
Eleanor Waldorf: You alright?
Blair Waldorf: Never been better.
Eleanor Waldorf: Well Serena has. What's wrong?
Blair Waldorf: I don't know. I can't be held responsible for her mood swings.
Eleanor Waldorf: Were you arguing about the possibility that your condition may have returned?
Blair Waldorf: No and it hasn't.
Eleanor Waldorf: I heard you. The other day in your bathroom with the water running.
Blair Waldorf: I'm very stressed and with you and Serena down my throat I can hardly think straight, never mind keep food down.
Eleanor Waldorf: Maybe you just need to take a little break, visit your father. Leon is beautiful this time of year.
Blair Waldorf: Maybe this summer!
Eleanor Waldorf: Summer sounds great, finish your breakfast.

Serena van der Woodsen: Hey B what's up?
Blair Waldorf: I can't believe you told Jenny about me and Chuck.
Serena van der Woodsen: What, I, I didn't.
Blair Waldorf: Because of her everybody knows the intimate details of my private life and now Nate's not speaking to me.
Serena van der Woodsen: But I, I told you B, I didn't tell Jenny. I don't know how she found out.
Blair Waldorf: Did you tell Dan?
Serena van der Woodsen: What?
Blair Waldorf: You did. You told your low rent boyfriend and he told his social-climbing sister who wears my hand-me-downs and she blabbed to Nate.
Serena van der Woodsen: I can't believe your attacking Dan and Jenny.
Blair Waldorf: Did you or did you not tell him?
Serena van der Woodsen: I did but only because you weren't dealing with it and I wanted advice on how to help you.
Blair Waldorf: I can't believe you don't get it. The rules are different for the Serena van der Woodsen's of the world. People expect you to party, and be wild, sleep with whoever you want, runaway, come back!
Serena van der Woodsen: Wait, are we really going back there?
Blair Waldorf: You shot your reputation to hell a long time ago! It doesn't matter what you do, but I'm a Waldorf!
Serena van der Woodsen: Well since you and your reputation obviously don't need me and my low rent taste, you and the Waldorf name can whether this storm alone!
Blair Waldorf: With pleasure.

Serena van der Woodsen: Hey B.
Blair Waldorf: What are you doing here?
Serena van der Woodsen: In the neighborhood.
Blair Waldorf: Can we talk later? Despite your best efforts to ruin it I'm actually having a good day and I don't want anything to spoil it. Guess who asked me to visit 'The Captain' with him?
Serena van der Woodsen: I dunno Nate?
Blair Waldorf: Yes, it's like he finally needs me and he isn't afraid to...
Serena van der Woodsen: Look B I understand why your reluctant to burst your happy bubble but I'm not giving up.
Blair Waldorf: Well sorry if unlike some people I haven't been on the pill since I was 15.
Serena van der Woodsen: Ok I am giving up. Before you start planning your perfect night with Nate don't you think you should...
Blair Waldorf: I'm not pregnant Serena!

Serena van der Woodsen: Hello?
Blair Waldorf: Hey S it's B. Two things, first I'm sorry. About Dan, about the Gossip Girl blast, and about not telling you about Nate.
Serena van der Woodsen: Okay.
Blair Waldorf: You were just so hard on me about Chuck I didn't want to be judged for sleeping with them both.
Serena van der Woodsen: I understand. Apology accepted.
Blair Waldorf: That was fast. If I were you I would've made me work for it a little bit harder.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well I think you've suffered enough.
Blair Waldorf: And second thing...
Serena van der Woodsen: Wait that's already like three things.
Blair Waldorf: I took the test, I'm not pregnant!
Serena van der Woodsen: OH, OH oh my gosh are you kidd ing me?
Blair Waldorf: AAAHHHH!
[laughing and screaming at the same time]
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm so happy, you would've had no idea what to wear to a paternity herring.
Blair Waldorf: Clean slate?
Serena van der Woodsen: Clean state. I'm so happy, see you at school!

Serena van der Woodsen: Hey guys.
Kati Farkas: Hey.
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm not pregnant.
Kati Farkas: Oh, cool.
Isabel Coates: Congratulations.
Hazel: Selibitory drinks after school?
Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah sure, Blair can I talk to you?
Blair Waldorf: Of course. Excuse me.
Serena van der Woodsen: Did you get my text?
Blair Waldorf: Of course, yes I did but...
Serena van der Woodsen: So then you know I told Dan I'm not pregnant.
Blair Waldorf: Yes and I am so happy for you, close call huh.
Serena van der Woodsen: Are we really gonna play that old game B?
Blair Waldorf: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Serena van der Woodsen: Whenever something happens that's not a part of your plan you pretend like it doesn't exist. You act like you're in this movie about your perfect like and then I have to remind you the only one watching that movie's you.
[pause]
Serena van der Woodsen: You admitted that your period was late.
Blair Waldorf: Yes I've been very stressed I had that chem test on Friday.
Serena van der Woodsen: And your acting like a total bitch because you're not hormonal?
Blair Waldorf: Maybe I am a total bitch did you ever think about that?
Serena van der Woodsen: Just take the test B.
[Serena hands Blair a pregnancy test]
Blair Waldorf: Stop it!
Blair Waldorf: Just take the test. You need to know if you and Chuck are gonna have a baby.
[Serena leaves]


"Gossip Girl: Woman on the Verge (#1.17)" (2008)
Serena van der Woodsen: Dan puts me on a pedestal. If he knew the truth he would never look at me again.
Chuck Bass: Okay, you're starting to scare even me. What did you do?
Nate Archibald: C'mon, you can tell us.
Blair Waldorf: We've seen you with vomit in your hair, making out with investment bankers at PJ Clark's. You don't have to hide anything from us.

Dan Humphrey: Did you sleep with someone else?
Serena van der Woodsen: Yes.
Dan Humphrey: I'm done.

Serena van der Woodsen: What are you doing here?
Blair Waldorf: I'm a big Leakly Hawk fan!

Serena van der Woodsen, Blair Waldorf: Hey, what are you doing here?
Blair Waldorf: Uh... I'm a big Leaky Hawk fan.

Serena van der Woodsen: Dan puts me on a pedestal. If he knew the truth he would never look at me again.
Chuck Bass: You're starting to scare even me. What did you do?
Nate Archibald: C'mon, you can tell us.
Blair Waldorf: We've seen you with vomit in your hair, making out with investment bankers in the men's room at PJ Clarks. You don't have to hide anything from us.
Nate Archibald: She's right, Serena. I mean, none of us are saints.
Blair Waldorf: Yeah.
[Points at Chuck]
Blair Waldorf: I had sex with him in the back of a limo.
Chuck Bass: Several times.
Nate Archibald: I had sex with you, at a wedding while I was her date.
[looks at Chuck]
Nate Archibald: Once.
Chuck Bass: I'm Chuck Bass.
Blair Waldorf: You can tell us anything.
[Serena shakes her head]
Blair Waldorf: We don't judge. We're the non-judging Breakfast Club. We're your best friends. Anything you do is something we did too.
Serena van der Woodsen: [looks at Blair, Nate, and Chuck] If I tell you, it can never leave this room.

[Serena's cell phone rings with the caller ID listed as Dan]
Serena van der Woodsen: [into the phone] Dan! Thank God you called. Where are you?
Georgina Sparks: [into Dan's phone] With me.
Serena van der Woodsen: [terrified] Georgina?
Georgina Sparks: I heard you told some friends about our little secret. If that's the way you wanna play it, then that's how we'll play it.
Serena van der Woodsen: No, I'm not afraid of you anymore.
Georgina Sparks: You should be. Because now... all bets are off.
Serena van der Woodsen: Why? What are you going to do?
Georgina Sparks: It's not what I'm gonna do, sweetie. It's who I'm gonna do it with.
Serena van der Woodsen: [stammering] No... I know Dan. He's too good.
Georgina Sparks: You sure about that?
[hangs up]


"Gossip Girl: School Lies (#1.12)" (2008)
Bart Bass: So. Your new step-brother told me about your problem at school. Frankly, I wasn't surprised given your propensity for recklessness and adventure.
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm sorry?
Bart Bass: Don't tell your mother, but... I made a call.
Serena van der Woodsen: You did what?
Bart Bass: It was harder than usual. That new headmistress of yours is a new peice of work. I had to go over her head. Sorry I couldn't get the charges completely dropped, but, at least I got you minimal sentence.
Gossip Girl: One thing about being on the inside, once you get there you don't always get to choose where you stand... or sit.
Chuck Bass: [Chuck comes over, puts his hand on her knee but she tosses it away] I was just looking our for my family. The new Van Der Woodsen-Bass library should be completed for Eric's graduation.
Bart Bass: I can see that Lily and I are going to have our hands full with the two of you.
Serena van der Woodsen: Okay. Will you excuse me? I need some air.

Serena van der Woodsen: So you don't buy what she said about me being the poster child for the new honor code? Look. I know for a fact that my mom didn't plead my case or donate anything, okay?
Dan Humphrey: I didn't say a thing.
Serena van der Woodsen: Are you really turning this into an upstairs-downstairs thing?
Dan Humphrey: No. No, you are. I am being completely silent. I'm just happy that you're not being expelled or leaving town anytime soon. So are you hungry? We should...
Serena van der Woodsen: Always. But you still believe that there's a double standard. That people like me get special treatment.
Serena's Chauffeur: Ms. Van Der Woodsen. Your mother sent me to pick you up.
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh. Great. That was... thoughtful.
Dan Humphrey: I think... you get no special treatment at all. Your life is completely uncharmed and average.
Serena van der Woodsen: [to the limo driver] It's okay, I'll walk.

Serena van der Woodsen: I don't even know how she breathes with her blouse button that hish.

Chuck Bass: How glad are you to see our families merge, Sis?
Serena van der Woodsen: So glad that if you ever call me that again it'll be the last thign you ever say, Chuck.
Chuck Bass: I love it. Our first brother-sister squabble. Well I hope you're going to make yourself available for more missed childhood memories. Bathing together, for example.

Serena van der Woodsen: Tell me that Rufus is that important to you. Tell me that whatever the two of you have is the most important thing in your life. Because that's what Dan is to me mom. The most important. I would rather be Chuck's step-sister than Dan's. Please don't do this to me
Lily van der Woodsen: Dan really means that much to you?
Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah. He does.

Chuck Bass: Why don't I turn that one piece into a no-piece.
Serena van der Woodsen: Find a floatie to talk to Chuck.
Chuck Bass: Ya know if my dad and your mom come back from South Africa tomorrow engaged we'll be brother and sister, and you know what they say the family that plays together stays together.
Serena van der Woodsen: Ah, incest the universal taboo. One of the only one's you haven't violated yet.
Chuck Bass: Well I'm game if you are.
[Serena starts to act like she's going to kiss him but instead knocks his drink out of his hand]


"Gossip Girl: The Wild Brunch (#1.2)" (2007)
Blair Waldorf: What is she doing here?
Serena van der Woodsen: I was meeting Nate.
Nate Archibald: Just to talk I swear.
Blair Waldorf: You said you'd never speak to her again.
Serena van der Woodsen: You said that? Why would you say that?
Blair Waldorf: Because you can't be trusted.
Nate Archibald: It's not Serena's fault.
Blair Waldorf: Do not defend her.
Nate Archibald: I asked her to come.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, oh so you do wanna talk to her.
Nate Archibald: Yes, to explain why I'm not talking to her.
Blair Waldorf: Maybe I'll leave you two to finish that fascinating conversation.
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, no no I'll go. Let you guys get back your quickie.
Blair Waldorf: It wasn't a quickie. Sex is actually kind of a big deal to some of us.
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh yeah I can see that. Chuck's bed, very romantic, classy too.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, like you. I bet your new friend Dan would love to hear about how classy you are.
Serena van der Woodsen: Dan but...?
Serena van der Woodsen: What you really think she would tell him?
Nate Archibald: It's Blair.

Serena van der Woodsen: I can't believe you told her.
Nate Archibald: You just expected me to keep it a secret?
Serena van der Woodsen: Yes Nate! There's nothing wrong with keeping a secret if the truth is gonna hurt someone.
Nate Archibald: That's a hell of a way to look at things.
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, I'm sorry I didn't realize all of the sudden your the most honest guy on the planet.

Serena van der Woodsen: Blair? Hey.
Blair Waldorf: Serena.
Serena van der Woodsen: Hey I got two bone dry capps and Audrey.
Blair Waldorf: I must have totally blanked on the part where I invited you over.
Serena van der Woodsen: I, I called you. Blair it's Sunday morning. Coffee, croissants, Breakfast at Tiffany's - it's our tradition.
Blair Waldorf: Well I have new traditions now.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well their not traditions if they're new.
[pause]
Serena van der Woodsen: Look, Blair I'm really trying to make an effort here. I thought everything was good between us.
Blair Waldorf: It was - before I found out you had sex with my boyfriend.
[pause]
Serena van der Woodsen: How'd you find out?
Blair Waldorf: Nate told me. At least he felt he owed me to tell the truth.
Serena van der Woodsen: I don't know what to say.
Blair Waldorf: Don't bother saying anything. I wouldn't believe you anyway.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair...
Blair Waldorf: You know, I always knew you were a whore. I never took you for a liar too.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair how can I fix this?
Blair Waldorf: You don't Serena. You just stay away. From me, my boyfriend, and my friends. Your done here.

Blair Waldorf: Dan? Hi I'm Blair Waldorf, Serena's friend.
Dan Humphrey: Oh, hey yeah do you happen to know where she is?
Blair Waldorf: As a matter of fact I do.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair.
Dan Humphrey: Serena there you are, where were you?
Blair Waldorf: She was waiting in a hotel room, for my boyfriend.
Serena van der Woodsen: To talk.
Nate Archibald: About why we weren't talking.
Blair Waldorf: That doesn't sound any smarter the second time.
Dan Humphrey: Why weren't you talking?
[pause]
Dan Humphrey: Does this have anything to do with why you were waiting for Serena this morning?
Blair Waldorf: You were what?
Chuck Bass: And here I thought you were waiting for me.
Dan Humphrey: Oh exactly what this situation needs, Chuck.
Dan Humphrey: Now what is going on here?
Blair Waldorf: We were just getting to that.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair please. Don't do this.
Blair Waldorf: Sorry. Do you, wanna tell him?
Chuck Bass: I'll tell him.
Blair Waldorf, Nate Archibald: [Blair and Nate say in unison] You know?
Chuck Bass: I know everthing.
Dan Humphrey: And apparently I know nothing.
Serena van der Woodsen: Look Dan, it, it was a long time ago and I regret it but...
Chuck Bass: Serena stop trying to pretend like your a good girl. So you slept with your best friend's boyfriend, I kind of admire you for it.
Dan Humphrey: Is that true?
Blair Waldorf: Well, then she ran away and lied about it. I just thought you should know before you fall head over heels for your perfect girl in her perfect world and then get left all alone but no one but your cabbage patch kid.

Serena van der Woodsen: [telling Eric about her date with Dan] He hated me.
Eric van der Woodsen: No guy in the history of the world has ever hated you.


"Gossip Girl: Poison Ivy (#1.3)" (2007)
Serena van der Woodsen: What's that?
Blair Waldorf: It's a letter. I wrote it while you where in boarding school. I never sent it.
[reads from letter]
Blair Waldorf: Dear Serena. My world is falling apart. My father left my mother for a thirty-one year old model. A *male* model. I feel like screaming because I have no one to talk to. You're gone. My dad is gone. Nate's acting weird.
[beat]
Blair Waldorf: Where are you? Why won't you call? Why did you leave without saying goodbye? You're supposed to be my best friend. I miss you so much. Love Blair.

Serena van der Woodsen: Blair, what the hell was that?
Blair Waldorf: Will you excuse us please.
Serena van der Woodsen: So we good now, we square?
Blair Waldorf: No. Because nothing I do will ever be as bad as what you did to me.
Serena van der Woodsen: Look I'm asking you please, I'll stop if you will.
Blair Waldorf: Your just saying that because today you lost and your gonna keep losing. Now if you'll excuse me unlike you I have a future to get back to.

[just after Blair read Serena her letter]
Serena van der Woodsen: Why didn't you send it? I would've...
Blair Waldorf: You would've what? You knew Serena and you didn't even call.
Serena van der Woodsen: I didn't know what to say to you or even how to be your friend after what I did. I'm so sorry.

Serena van der Woodsen: [the girls are playing field hockey] Look I made a mistake with Nate okay but then you sabotage me with Dan. We don't have to be friends...
[Blair hits Serena's foot with her stick]
Serena van der Woodsen: Ughhh!
Field Hockey Coach: What's up Waldorf?
Blair Waldorf: Sorry slipped.
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm fine.
[the game continues]
Serena van der Woodsen: I really wanna belive that was an accident.
Blair Waldorf: Then you must be delusional.
[for the second time Blair comes up and shoves Serena hard]
Blair Waldorf: [the coach gives her a flag]
Serena van der Woodsen: Thank you.
[now for the third time Blair comes up and knocks Serena to ground]
Field Hockey Coach: I'm running of colors here Blair.
Serena van der Woodsen: And I'm running out of patience. Enough okay?
Blair Waldorf: It's enough when I say it's enough.
[the game continues on again and this time Serena comes up and tackles Blair to the ground]
Blair Waldorf: Ohhh! Get off!
Field Hockey Coach: Girls break it up!
Blair Waldorf: Get off of me!
Serena van der Woodsen: Is that enough yet?
[pause]
Serena van der Woodsen: So we've actually come to physical blows huh? Truce?
Blair Waldorf: Owww! My leg!
Field Hockey Coach: Serena you're out of here!
Serena van der Woodsen: I hope it's broken.
Blair Waldorf: Owww!

Lily van der Woodsen: [after Serena spent the night in her brother's hospital room] Why sleep there? It's not like he can even see you. His eyes are closed.
Serena van der Woodsen: Do you have one maternal bone in your entire body?


"Gossip Girl: You've Got Yale! (#2.16)" (2009)
Serena van der Woodsen: I wasn't supposed to say anything, but you are going to Yale. You got in. In early admission.
Blair Waldorf: What?
Dan Humphrey: How do you know that?
Serena van der Woodsen: Because I declined my acceptance. You're next in line. They're gonna call you in a couple of hours.
Dan Humphrey: Whoa. You got in.
Blair Waldorf: You're the Constance student?
[Turns to minions]
Blair Waldorf: Cancel the Nelly Yuki project now!

Serena van der Woodsen: I'm just reading the Brown catalog. Oh, and I ordered a home dreadlocking kit.

Blair Waldorf: [on the phone with Serena] What are you doing?
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm just reading the Brown catalog. Oh and I ordered a home dreadlocking kit. Want to meet up later?
Blair Waldorf: Definitely. Maybe we can get a jump-start on your veganism.

Dan Humphrey: [to Serena] Yale day. I thought we could walk to school together for support. I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason. I'll end up in the right place. But what if I don't get in?
Serena van der Woodsen: Forget you. What if I do and Blair doesn't?
Dan Humphrey: Fire and brimstone, a lot of bitchy asides. Death by Dorota.

Serena van der Woodsen: Well, if you're on a witch hunt, that means you can't be too upset, right?
Blair Waldorf: Witch hunts are my Valium, Serena. I'm just trying to stay calm.


"Gossip Girl: The Big Sleep No More (#5.7)" (2011)
Charlie Rhodes: Please tell me the reason you're still not at work is because you met a cute guy in a business suit.
Serena Van Der Woodsen: Well, no suit. But definitely cute.

Serena Van Der Woodsen: Why is it when you don't want Gossip Girl to post about you she does constantly and when you do, silence?
Blair Waldorf: I share your frustration.

Serena Van Der Woodsen: I'm pretty sure the only war Chuck is waging is with his own demons.

Blair Waldorf: Well, I always thought you were too good to blog.
Serena Van Der Woodsen: Well, I think you're too good to scheme.

Serena Van Der Woodsen: I am so grateful for all you help last week.
Diana Payne: Why do I feel you're about to break up with me?
Serena Van Der Woodsen: I'm not willing to sell myself or anyone else out to attract an audience.
Diana Payne: Everyone sells themselves, Serena. It's just how you do it that matters.


"Gossip Girl: Desperately Seeking Serena (#1.15)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: Nelly Yuki must be destroyed!
Serena van der Woodsen: Why do you keep saying her name?
Blair Waldorf: Because it's Nelly Yuki!

Serena van der Woodsen: [covers Dan's eyes and kisses him]
Dan Humphrey: Oh, Chuck, I had no idea you felt that way about me!

Serena van der Woodsen: I don't want you to ever contact me again.
Georgina Sparks: Just because of a few nights of harmless fun?
Serena van der Woodsen: It wasn't fun waking up and not knowing where I was, it wasn't fun missing the SAT's, and it definitely wasn't fun lying to Dan.
Georgina Sparks: And this is all my fault because...
Serena van der Woodsen: It's my fault, because I make huge mistakes when I'm with you.
Georgina Sparks: So you wanna distant yourself from your mistakes by staying away from me? You we're there to Serena. It was just as much you if not more...
Serena van der Woodsen: This is not about last year it's about last night!
Georgina Sparks: Like you were just some innocent bystander who walked in on...
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm not talking about it Georgina okay! And neither are you. If I go down, you go down with me. In the meanwhile, stay out of my life.
Georgina Sparks: I don't need anybody in my life who doesn't wanna be there.
Serena van der Woodsen: Then we're agreed.

Chuck Bass: [about Blair] She really needs to tone down the social niceties. It's embarrassing.
Serena van der Woodsen: Eventually, the two of you are gonna have to work out your issues.
Chuck Bass: What issues? I'm issue free, and based on my exhaustive research, so are you.
Serena van der Woodsen: Georgina?
Chuck Bass: According to my very reliable sources, Georgina Sparks is nowhere near our fair isle. She's in Switzerland, dating the prince of Belfort.
Serena van der Woodsen: There's a prince of Belfort? And she's dating him? Oh, thank God!
Chuck Bass: Now you can enjoy the gifts she mailed you with piece of mind and maybe Chuck in the room?
Serena van der Woodsen: [shoves Chuck] Oh, shoot, except we're siblings!
Chuck Bass: Georgie always brought out the devil in you. Part of me is disappointed she's not here.
Serena van der Woodsen: Mm, I wonder which part.
Chuck Bass: It's been a while since I saw the old Serena.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well, thanks to her, the new one has to break 2000 on her SAT's, so if you could just go smarm elsewhere.
Chuck Bass: The offer still stands. I know a lovely little redhead that's just dying to be you for the day.
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, I'll leave the cheating to you, Chuck. I plan on taking the SAT's myself.

Serena van der Woodsen: I gotta wait for Dan. He's stressed, he doesn't do well with tests, so...
Blair Waldorf: Performance anxiety?
Serena van der Woodsen: Bye, Blair!


"Gossip Girl: The Dark Night (#2.3)" (2008)
Chuck Bass: Clearly there's some sort of - blockage, perhaps...
Serena van der Woodsen: No Chuck.
Chuck Bass: One more go around, just to clear the pipes.
Serena van der Woodsen: You are not using Blair as sexual drano!
Chuck Bass: I have to make myself presentable. I have a party to attend.

Serena van der Woodsen: [Serena and Dan are stuck in the elevator] What do you want Dan? For me to never say my name?
Dan Humphrey: I'm not getting into this now.
Serena van der Woodsen: We thought we could avoid dealing with last year, well this is fate telling us we can't.
[Dan starts to jump to the top of the elevator]
Serena van der Woodsen: What are you doing?
Dan Humphrey: I'm getting out of here.
Serena van der Woodsen: No, someone's coming, the man said so.
Dan Humphrey: I think someone always comes to save Serena van der Woodsen.
Serena van der Woodsen: That's not fair.
Dan Humphrey: I know it's not, that's the point.
[Dan grabs ahold of the top of the elevator]
Serena van der Woodsen: Fine you know what? Life's not fair because it doesn't fit with the way you Dan Humphrey think things should be! But why are you always right?

Serena van der Woodsen: I forgive you for Georgina.
Dan Humphrey: And I forgive you... but I dunno.
Serena van der Woodsen: We keep having the same fight at Bart's brunch a year ago, at the wedding.
Dan Humphrey: And we talked about the fight at Bart's brunch.
Serena van der Woodsen: And now here. I can't change who I am Dan.
Dan Humphrey: Me neither. So what happens now?
Serena van der Woodsen: I don't really feel like talking.
Dan Humphrey: Yeah me neither.
[Serena rests her head on his shoulder]

Serena van der Woodsen: [to Chuck] Sometimes I envy you, the way you just... wait, what am I saying? You're disgusting.

Serena van der Woodsen: I'm sorry, I'm not laughing. It's just so obvious. You're not over Blair, this is your body's way of telling you!
Chuck Bass: I don't have a romantic bone in my body. Least of all that one. But you do raise an interesting idea. Clearly there's some sort of... blockage. Perhaps...
Serena van der Woodsen: No!
Chuck Bass: One more go-around, just to clear the pipes.
Serena van der Woodsen: You are not using Blair as sexual draino!


"Gossip Girl: Bad News Blair (#1.4)" (2007)
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair, Blair wait where are you going? Blair, wait why are you so mad?
Blair Waldorf: Why am I mad? You mean why aren't I furious! I can't believe for one second I thought it would be different this time.
Serena van der Woodsen: You thought what would be different?
Blair Waldorf: You couldn't deal with the spotlight shining on me for once could you?
Serena van der Woodsen: What are you talking about? I was told we were doing this together. What did you not get my message?
Blair Waldorf: What about this morning then? When you glanced at the call sheet, did you see my name on it. When I wasn't in hair and makeup didn't that seem strange? When the dressing room only had your name on the door, what did you think they just forgot?
Serena van der Woodsen: I was told you were running late and they asked me to do some tests shots first. Blair they told me you wanted me here.
Blair Waldorf: And you believe them?
Serena van der Woodsen: Look Blair I encouraged you to do this. Why would I try to steal something from you that I pushed you to do?
Blair Waldorf: Because you take everything from me! Nate, my mom!
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair!
Blair Waldorf: You can't even help it, it's who you are. I just thought maybe this time it would be different. I should've known I'd be wrong.

Blair Waldorf: Oh God, forgot what it was like to be with you.
[Serena and Blair pass two guys looking at them]
Serena van der Woodsen: No they were looking at both of us.
Blair Waldorf: Don't insult me. It's been like this all morning starting with your lovely visit with my mother. She didn't even call me to tell me I was coming home.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well she was busy, she was rushing to get home and everything, because she wanted to see you.
Blair Waldorf: She didn't even wake me up.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well you know how Eleanor feels about beauty rest.
Blair Waldorf: She likes you more than me.
Serena van der Woodsen: She does not you're her daughter. She doesn't like anyone more than you she just, I dunno doesn't know how to show it sometimes.
Blair Waldorf: Okay, I'm going inside. Wait for me I'll be right back.

Serena van der Woodsen: So, you were right.
Blair Waldorf: I know.
Serena van der Woodsen: When I got that call I should've known you had nothing to do with it and I should never had pushed you to do this whole thing in the first place.
Blair Waldorf: Actually I'm glad you pushed me. It ended up being a very important day for me. I just thought it was gonna be more fun.
Serena van der Woodsen: I know me too.
[the girls hug]
Serena van der Woodsen: Hey you know what, who says it still can't be? Come on, come on!
[the girls run off and steal Blair's mom's clothes]

Serena van der Woodsen: [after Blair answered her phone and mocked Dan] I'm so, so sorry about that.
Dan Humphrey: And I'm so, so ready to hang up.


"Gossip Girl: The Handmaiden's Tale (#1.6)" (2007)
Serena van der Woodsen: So Kati metioned something about a custom made corset and I hear there are wigs involved?
Blair Waldorf: It's a masquerade. You have to conceal your identity but I do have something special planned for Nate tonight. It's a game, it's a scavenger hunt. Nate starts the night with a clue which leads him to a lady in waiting, who gives him a clue to the next lady..
Serena van der Woodsen: Wait, hold on you have ladies now?
Blair Waldorf: If he finds me before midnight when the masks come off he can claim his prize.
Serena van der Woodsen: And what's that?
[Blair looks at her seductively]
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, yeah right sorry.
Blair Waldorf: I just figured that after everything thats happened or hasn't happened, I should find some way to make it special.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well that's really romantic Blair, really. Look, um, if you don't want me to come tonight I totally understand.
Blair Waldorf: What? No I want you to come, in fact I was hoping you'd be one of my ladies. Would you give Nate the last clue?
Serena van der Woodsen: Are you sure you want me to?
Blair Waldorf: Tonight is all about starting over. I trust you and him.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well then I would be honored to serve you my queen.
[the girls laugh]
Blair Waldorf: Well, besides your bringing Dan, right?

Serena van der Woodsen: I know him. A masked ball? Dan would never wanna go to something that pretentious where he has to wear a mask and a tux.
Blair Waldorf: He likes you. He would wear a txu and a mask and one of my mother's dresses if it meant that he could go out with you,come on. What are you worried that he already has a date, I mean he is Dan Humphrey.
Serena van der Woodsen: Shut up, I dunno. I guess a masked ball is better than a regular party because all those kids from school that he hates, they won't even recognize him.
Blair Waldorf: Alright invite him, I insist.

Serena van der Woodsen: Our parents did way worse stuff than we do.

Dan Humphrey: I'm saving you.
Serena van der Woodsen: [upset] I don't need to be saved.
Dan Humphrey: Really? 'Cause I could see your eyes rolling to the back of your head from across the room.


"Gossip Girl: Blair Waldorf Must Pie! (#1.9)" (2007)
Serena van der Woodsen: Wait, you slept with him?
Blair Waldorf: Shh!
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair!
Blair Waldorf: What happened to no judging?
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm not, but I thought you wanted to wait. I thought you wanted to make things special.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, so Nate gets the free pass and I'm the slut?
Serena van der Woodsen: Tell me you didn't sleep with Chuck for revenge.
Blair Waldorf: Well it wasn't because I liked his natural musk. Besides, nothing hurts more than sleeping with the best friend, right S?
Serena van der Woodsen: Way to prove a point.

Blair Waldorf: I mean who gets wasted on thanksgiving?
Serena van der Woodsen: The holidays are lonely for people I wanted to keep them company. Whoo hoo!
Blair Waldorf: Your mom is freaking out, so my mom is freaking out.
Serena van der Woodsen: What which means you freak out? Blair just cut the cord, go nuts, come on let's do shots! Come on!
Blair Waldorf: I told Lily that you were buying a pie.
Serena van der Woodsen: Ooh, pie!
Blair Waldorf: Where is your purse?
Serena van der Woodsen: Uhh my purse?
Blair Waldorf: Oh, great alright. You stay here okay. I'm gonna go look. Don't drink or hit on anything.

Serena van der Woodsen: Mom is such a hypocrite and all these years she's been writing me about my behavior.
Eric van der Woodsen: And here she's just mad at you for being her.
Dan Humphrey: And all the time my dad has given me this advice based on this girl he dated, this girl a lot like Serena.
Jenny Humphrey: It's her mom.
Blair Waldorf: When you think about it, it makes total sense that your mom was a groupie. I mean only a woman that had completely satisfied her sexual appetite in her youth would ever marry your step-dads.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair can we not talk about my mom's appetite?
Dan Humphrey: Yeah, or, or who satisfied them.
Serena van der Woodsen: It's just...
Dan Humphrey: So...
Jenny Humphrey, Eric van der Woodsen: Gross!
[Jenny and Eric say in unison]
Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah!
Jenny Humphrey: No...

Serena van der Woodsen: Mom is such a hypocrite. And all these years, she's been riding me about my behavior.
Eric van der Woodsen: And here, she's just mad at you for being her.
Dan Humphrey: And all this time my dad has been giving me advice based on a girl he dated... a girl "a lot like Serena."
Jenny Humphrey: Her mom.
Blair Waldorf: If you think about it, it makes total sense that your mom was a groupie. I mean, only a woman that had completely satisfied her sexual appetite in her youth would ever marry your step dads.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair, can we not talk about my mom's appetite?
Dan Humphrey: No, or who satisfied her.
Serena van der Woodsen: That's just...
Serena van der Woodsen, Eric van der Woodsen, Dan Humphrey, Jenny Humphrey: Gross!


"Gossip Girl: Roman Holiday (#1.11)" (2007)
Blair Waldorf: Hey! Nice holiday spirit scrooge!
[trying to flag down a cab but it doesn't stop for her]
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh gosh, so it's gonna be a real Waldorf Christmas?
Blair Waldorf: Well a real Waldorf Christmas Eve. Eleanor drew the line at Christmas Day that's only for me, her, and Dorota.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well you still have a couple of days with your dad.
Blair Waldorf: Well it'll be more than just a couple of days, I'm gonna convince him to stay in New York.
Serena van der Woodsen: What about Paris and Roman?
Blair Waldorf: Roman is a phase my father belongs here with me, he only left New York to ride out the scandal. Time to come home, don't you think? Hey did you wanna ask me something?
Serena van der Woodsen: Yes, a gift idea for Dan now that Vanessa got him the most thoughtful Dan-like present ever.
Blair Waldorf: Why don't you just buy him a new outfit for Cedrick and call it day.
Serena van der Woodsen: Thank you for being totally not helpful at all. See you tomorrow night.
Blair Waldorf: Bye!

Blair Waldorf: [leaving a voicemail to Chuck] Chuck you are not answering my calls to torture me I'm sure but please for the love of God do not tell anybody about us okay, please, please.
[Blair hangs up the phone right as Serena walks in]
Serena van der Woodsen: Hey you told me to come right away is everything alright?
Blair Waldorf: Yeah.
Serena van der Woodsen: Why aren't you with your dad?
Blair Waldorf: I need your login for your agency site from your modeling days.
Serena van der Woodsen: My modeling days? I did one print ad for Gap when I was twelve. What are you holding an open call or something?
Blair Waldorf: Well I have one specific look in mind.
Serena van der Woodsen: Okay, well I don't know if I'll still even be in here. Well look at that.
Blair Waldorf: Addresses and phone numbers, perfect. You know I called you an hour ago BTW your late.
Serena van der Woodsen: Um, your lucky I'm even here at all it's Christmas Eve and I still haven't found a gift for Dan. Now all the stores are closing and I'm totally screwed. Do you have any idea what you can buy for under fifty-dollars these days?
Blair Waldorf: I dunno, a single entrée at a mid-priced restaurant, three quarters of a DVD box set, maybe a pair of woolfred stockings.
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, stockings yes great idea for Dan. Blair please this is serious.
Blair Waldorf: I dunno, why don't you buy a him a gold money cliping card and say it's forty-nine ninety-nine he won't know the difference.
Serena van der Woodsen: What are you doing anyway?
Blair Waldorf: I'm booking me a model.

Blair Waldorf: Dorota's gonna kill you if you get glue on that comforter.
Serena van der Woodsen: Sorry we've turned your room into an art studio B but the clock is ticking.
Vanessa Abrams: I'm done.
Eric van der Woodsen: Wow.
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh my gosh, wow that's amazing. Thank you so much Vanessa this is going to be incredible.
Vanessa Abrams: Good I'm glad I could help. I think he'll really love it.
Blair Waldorf: Vanessa, I think I'd like to help with this little project. Would you come and help me find another pair of scissors?
[Blair and Vanessa walk into the bathroom]
Blair Waldorf: It's so nice what your doing for your friend Dan, helping his girlfriend make his Christmas present. Serena is so grateful because she likes to see the best in people, I like to see the truth.
Vanessa Abrams: Yeah? And what's that?
Blair Waldorf: I think you like Dan a little too much, just thought I should let you know someone's watching. Merry Christmas.
[Vanessa walks out of the bathroom]
Vanessa Abrams: I'm taking off call me when you're done.
Serena van der Woodsen: Okay, where you going?
Blair Waldorf: I'm gonna go check on my daddy.
Eric van der Woodsen: I thought you were gonna help.
Blair Waldorf: I think my works done here.

Lily van der Woodsen: When you two are done hiding up here I'm taking you both out for dessert.
Serena van der Woodsen: Can't mom I'm busy.
Lily van der Woodsen: But this is important for our family it'll just be the three of us.
Serena van der Woodsen: Mom anytime you say it'll just be the three of us it means your dating someone new. Whoever it is I don't care I'll just see him at the wedding.
Lily van der Woodsen: Fine, fine then I wil just tell you who it is because your going to be seeing him around from now on, it's Bart Bass.
Serena van der Woodsen, Eric van der Woodsen: Bart Bass!
[Serena and Eric say in unison]
Serena van der Woodsen: Mom you can not date Bart Bass.
Lily van der Woodsen: You just said a moment ago you didn't care who it was.
Serena van der Woodsen: That was before I knew who it was.
Eric van der Woodsen: He only has one facial expression he scares me.
Serena van der Woodsen: And he raised Chuck that scares me.
Lily van der Woodsen: Oh, Serena as usual your being overly dramatic. I'm not marrying Bart, this is very casual and regardless I'm not asking your permission.


"Gossip Girl: Chuck in Real Life (#2.7)" (2008)
Serena van der Woodsen: Let them discipline the sibling that actually deserves it.
Blair Waldorf: You mean Chuck?
[Blair slightly smiles and notices Serena looking at her]
Blair Waldorf: What?
Serena van der Woodsen: You smiled.
Blair Waldorf: No I didn't! I hate Chuck! Don't make me lost my appetite.

Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, I forgot to put on underwear!

Serena van der Woodsen: Oops! I forgot to put on underwear!

Serena van der Woodsen: What? I'm not doing anything, I thought we were just sharing memories of what a close family we are. I remember this one time, um, when I was eleven, Eric and I wanted a white Christmas, luckily, Mom's husband was a raging coke-head so he left blow everywhere!
Lily van der Woodsen: Oh my god...
Eric van der Woodsen: It wasn't everywhere, just on the smooth, shiny surfaces.


"Gossip Girl: The Ex-Files (#2.4)" (2008)
Serena van der Woodsen: Chuck! Boundaries!

Serena van der Woodsen: If this was a competition, I wouldn't need Blair and her posse to win.

Serena van der Woodsen: I just hid there, how pathetic is that? No don't answer that.
Blair Waldorf: Break ups are easy, it's having to see them date someone else that's hard. Why do you think I rub it in Chuck's face every chance I get?
Serena van der Woodsen: A twisted version of foreplay?
Blair Waldorf: Ignoring you.

Dan Humphrey: Maybe we should stay away from each other for awhile.
Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah, you're right. You and Amanda should probably go.
Dan Humphrey: Are you ordering me to leave?
Serena van der Woodsen: Consider it a suggestion. Why should I go Dan? These are my friends here and it's not exactly your kind of place.


"Gossip Girl: Victor/Victrola (#1.7)" (2007)
Blair Waldorf: So... I heard on Gossip Girl that your having sex with Dan out here - in streaming video.
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, god Kati and Is filmed us.
Blair Waldorf: Well it's not very high school musical scandalas and no they haven't stream it yet but... I heard it was... aggresive.
Serena van der Woodsen: I must say Dan has been surprisingly good at everything we've done.
Blair Waldorf: Which is everthing?
Serena van der Woodsen: No but feel free to ask any personal questions.
Blair Waldorf: Well you've talked about it, right?
Serena van der Woodsen: No mom we haven't.
[Serena jokes]
Blair Waldorf: May I remind you that this is your first real boyfriend S and in relationships you talk about stuff.
Serena van der Woodsen: I know but I dunno sometimes talking about it or planning it can ruin a good thing, ya know?
Blair Waldorf: I would know. Well, as long as your not worried.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well, I'm not but I dunno he might be. Is it possible for a guy to want to slow things down?
Blair Waldorf: Only the guys we like.
[the girls laugh]
Blair Waldorf: But with you, I can't imagine why.

Serena van der Woodsen: You'd think all the money that we spent on this private school, they could at least give us a comfortable spot to make out.

Serena van der Woodsen: Is it possible for a guy to want to slow things down?

Serena van der Woodsen: Is it possible for a guy to want to slow things down?
Blair Waldorf: Only the guys we like.


"Gossip Girl: In the Realm of the Basses (#2.14)" (2009)
Serena van der Woodsen: [to Blair] B, is everything okay? I came as fast as I could.
Blair Waldorf: Fine, false alarm.
Serena van der Woodsen: Wait, what happened?
Blair Waldorf: Chuck. He's holed up at Victrola in some Jim Morrison downward spiral, sad in a way. Luckily it's not my concern.

Serena van der Woodsen: [to Blair] Hey, did Jack find Chuck?
Blair Waldorf: Yeah, what was left of him. I'm surprised they made it through Customs. Chuck's body odor could have given a contact high to half of Manhattan.

Serena van der Woodsen: [to Blair] He was probably thinking about you the whole time he was gone.
Blair Waldorf: Not unless I was a Thai hooker named Bo.


"Gossip Girl: There Might be Blood (#2.9)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: Thank you God so much I won't let you down.
[looks at the picture of Emma's mom and another guy kissing]
Serena van der Woodsen: Chuck's seeing if the doorman knows Emma's guy.
Blair Waldorf: Why? Who cares about him?
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair no, this poor little girl's mother's having an affair no wonder she's acting out.
Blair Waldorf: So this is my golden ticket.
[refers back to the picture]
Serena van der Woodsen: You are not blackmailing that woman to get into Yale!
Blair Waldorf: Serena! Open your eyes, this is a sign from God he wants me to do this.
Serena van der Woodsen: This family needs help!
Blair Waldorf: Well no argument there, their even more screwed up than yours.

Serena van der Woodsen: You look beautiful. Can we go now?
Blair Waldorf: Patience love. The sooner we get there the sooner the jig is up. I'll go check on the vestal virgin.

Blair Waldorf: Well you finally did it, made absolutely sure I'm never gonna get into Yale.
Serena van der Woodsen: What are you talking about?
Blair Waldorf: Little Emma? Turns out she's less little Holly Hobby and more Jenna Jameson!
Serena van der Woodsen: Can you speak plainly?
Blair Waldorf: She's determined to become a woman on my watch and if I don't help pimmp her she's gonna charcter assassinate me to the Dean.
Serena van der Woodsen: I don't understand I thought she liked ice cream and magic.
Blair Waldorf: Next time leave the scheming to the experts. What are those?
Serena van der Woodsen: Pictures from Camp Suisse. Aaron dressed up as Cecil the caterpillar. I bumped into him outside the Palace.
Blair Waldorf: The guy gave you a ring pop when you were six, move on.
Serena van der Woodsen: It was licorice and I was eight.
Blair Waldorf: Ancient unimportant history, focus Serena you got me into this and I'm not losing Yale because that little twarts libido!


"Gossip Girl: Pret-a-Poor-J (#2.8)" (2008)
Serena van der Woodsen: Hey, hey, do you know what happened? Why is Blair so upset?
Dan Humphrey: Look, Blair and Chuck were gonna self destruct at some point so I just may have helped it along.
Serena van der Woodsen: Wait, you intentionally sabotaged Blair?
Dan Humphrey: I know you're upset and that was not my intention but I just found out they completely screwed over Vanessa.
Serena van der Woodsen: No, whatever they did to Vanessa is different. This is about two people who love each other.
Dan Humphrey: Blair and Chuck? Come on.
Serena van der Woodsen: I don't understand, I thought you wanted to help Blair.
Dan Humphrey: No I did this for you because you wanted me to help her. I don't care about Blair Waldorf, all of this is a game to her.
Serena van der Woodsen: No, in this case it's not. Blair loves Chuck, she's just been to scared to admit it.

Dan Humphrey: Blair Waldorf in Brooklyn. Are you two lost?
Serena van der Woodsen: Will you talk to her please?
Blair Waldorf: There's nothing to talk about, I told you it's over.
Serena van der Woodsen: She stopped listening to me, maybe she'll listen to you
Dan Humphrey: Um, sure.
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm gonna go check out the art - in the art gallery. Talk.
[Serena walks off]

Blair Waldorf: You have to help me destroy Chuck Bass.
Dan Humphrey: Alright I'll take that as my cue to leave.
Blair Waldorf: Oh your very perceptive.
[Dan starts to leave but Serena stops him]
Serena van der Woodsen: Dan wait.
[starts talking to Blair]
Serena van der Woodsen: If your having a problem with Chuck then a man's perspective could be helpful.
Blair Waldorf: Ya know just because you two are making a doomed attempt to being friends doesn't mean I have to play the enabler.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair come on.
Dan Humphrey: Well if your plotting against Chuck Bass then I'm sure I can think of something.
Blair Waldorf: Fine. I have an itch that only Chuck can scratch and he won't oblige unless I tell him I love him.
Dan Humphrey: You need help getting Chuck to sleep with you, really?


"Gossip Girl: Summer Kind of Wonderful (#2.1)" (2008)
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh god, the lifeguard's got a camero. And not an ironic I've got a camero way.

Serena van der Woodsen: Oh God. Hot lifeguard has a Camaro. And not in an ironic-I've-got-a-Camaro kind of way.


"Gossip Girl: The Serena Also Rises (#2.5)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: Serena can we talk?
Serena van der Woodsen: About what? How you tried to publicly humiliate me?
Blair Waldorf: You know about the dress?
Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah Laurel told me, she said it was an accident, clearly she doesn't know you.
Blair Waldorf: I'm sorry, I was hurt okay. You, you blew off our most beloved tradition.
Serena van der Woodsen: Just get over it Blair.
Blair Waldorf: Excuse me?
Serena van der Woodsen: My whole life I have been bending over backwards to protect your feelings and you know what? It's not my fault you're so insecure.
Blair Waldorf: And I'm sure it's not your fault you're so conceited.
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm just tired of trying to hold myself back so I don't outshine you.
Blair Waldorf: Oh my god, can you hear the words that are coming out of your mouth?
Serena van der Woodsen: It's just the truth. From now on, I'm gonna be who I am and if you can support that and not be threatened and competitive then great, if not...
[Serena walks away]

Blair Waldorf: What do you want?
Serena van der Woodsen: I tried to reach you all night why haven't you returned any of my calls?
Blair Waldorf: What is there to say? You've only taken over the girls at school and abandoned our oldest tradition to go to my mother's show with a complete stranger.
Serena van der Woodsen: First of all, I didn't take over the girls at school.
Blair Waldorf: Are you really gonna pretend like you don't notice what's been going on?
Serena van der Woodsen: What? These girls are like hummingbirds, they move from flower to flower, they'll be on to someone else next week and then back to you, it's not a big deal.
Blair Waldorf: And I suppose it's not a big deal that your sitting front row at my mother's show either?
Serena van der Woodsen: She asked me to do it as a favor.
Blair Waldorf: Oh and how could you possibly dissapoint my mother? Though you have no problem screwing over your best friend?
Serena van der Woodsen: Fine I won't go!
Blair Waldorf: Good!
Serena van der Woodsen: And then Poppy won't go and her friends won't go and then you can explain to your mother why she has an empty front row, would that make you happy?
Blair Waldorf: At least I won't have to watch the next episode of the Serena show.
Serena van der Woodsen: You know I was coming over here to invite you to hang out with us.
Blair Waldorf: Oh how generous Serena! I should feel so blessed that you would include me in your little group!
Serena van der Woodsen: You know what Blair I am gonna go to that show and I'm gonna sit front row and I'm gonna enjoy every minute of it!


"Gossip Girl: Bonfire of the Vanity (#2.10)" (2008)
Serena van der Woodsen: Plenty of women have been both lover and muse to famous artists. Like Picasso.
Blair Waldorf: Serena, a guy starts out in his blue period and everything's great. But it's only a matter of time until he's all into cubism and it's some other girl's eye coming out of her forehead.
Serena van der Woodsen: Okay, I'm going to go.
Blair Waldorf: Wait, what about the gnome? I have to take him down!

Blair Waldorf: He's totally unsuitable.
Serena van der Woodsen: Who?
Blair Waldorf: Cyrus. He's five feet tall. He has a catchphrase. And he's a hugger. I was expecting Cary Grant and I got Danny DeVito!


"Gossip Girl: Gone Maybe Gone (#6.1)" (2012)
Serena van der Woodsen: What the hell are you doing here?
Blair Waldorf: Uh... Looking for you!
Georgina Sparks: To observe and record.
Nate Archibald: No, we're here to help you.
Chuck Bass: And get you home.
Dan Humphrey: And, uh, I don't even know what I'm doing here.
[Georgina and Blair punches him on his chest]

Serena van der Woodsen: Please leave before it's too late.
Steven: Sabrina!
Blair Waldorf: [caught off-guard] Sabrina?
Serena van der Woodsen: Too late.
Steven: Sabrina, you didn't tell me you invited friends...
Serena van der Woodsen: Mm...
Blair Waldorf: That is so Sabrina.
Nate Archibald: She loves surprises.
Dan Humphrey: She has so many surprises you could write a book about them.


"Gossip Girl: The Blair Bitch Project (#1.14)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: How do you manage to get out of everything unscathed?
Serena van der Woodsen: Because I'm nice. You should try it. Come on, compliment me. Tell me my hair looks beautiful!
Blair Waldorf: But your hair looks disgusting. Did you even shower today?

Serena van der Woodsen: Oh ok, let's get one thing straight: our parents may be insisting on blending our households but I am not your sister. I do not share any of your DNA, nor do I ever wish to.
Chuck Bass: Then I suggest you get new hand towels.


"Gossip Girl: Never Been Marcused (#2.2)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: As his consort, I have to be able to hobnob with oligarchs and dictators.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well, if you can't find common ground with a dictator, I don't know who can.

Serena van der Woodsen: Blair Waldorf, a fling? You're not exactly low maintenance.
Blair Waldorf: It's like Roman Holiday but I'm Gregory Peck and he's Audrey Hepburn!
Serena van der Woodsen: And you really expect me to believe this isn't all about revenge on Chuck?
Blair Waldorf: Revenge is so 12 hours ago! And just because Marcus is the perfect post-Bass palate cleanser doesn't mean he isn't a delicious dish in his own right.


"Gossip Girl: Dare Devil (#1.5)" (2007)
Amanda: Where is she?
Club Stockbroker: Baby, what, who, I'm here at the club with the guys.
[walks over to Blair]
Club Stockbroker: Hey! Excuse me, hello? Where's my phone?
Dan Humphrey: Hey, hey let go of her.
Club Stockbroker: Who the hell are you?
Blair Waldorf: His phone is at our table. If you weren't so drunk and drooling over every girl in this place you would've seen that.
Amanda: I'm gonna kill you!
Blair Waldorf: Oh you must be Amanda right? Well I would think twice before marrying him 'cause he's a pig.
[Amanda lunges at Blair but Serena stops her]
Serena van der Woodsen: Hey, hey, hey back off of her okay?
Blair Waldorf: I don't need you to defend me.
Jenny Humphrey: I wasn't even her who called you it was me.
Dan Humphrey: Jenny?
Amanda: So she's the one with the tongue?
Dan Humphrey: Tongue, tongue! What are you even doing here your supposed to be at a sleepover.
Amanda: You made out with a girl from a sleepover?
Dan Humphrey: You made out with him?
Club Stockbroker: I made out with her.
[looks at Blair]
Blair Waldorf: Eww. It was a dare.
Amanda: A dare? What are you children?
Dan Humphrey: Yeah pretty much she's 14.
[looking at Jenny]
Amanda, Club Stockbroker: 14!
[Amanda and stockbroker say in unison]
Club Stockbroker: Jesus I swear, I had no idea baby. I mean look at her, I mean she's jailbangin'.
Dan Humphrey: What, what's that?
Jenny Humphrey: Dan stay out of it okay? Your just causing more problems than your solving.
Dan Humphrey: The only thing causing a problem is the cocktail napkin your wearing.
Club Stockbroker: That's what I'm talkin' about!

Blair Waldorf: What was that I heard? Erik's coming home? It's perfect timing.
Serena van der Woodsen: How so?
Blair Waldorf: Well it gives your mother and brother time to bond alone tonight while you get drunk on schnapps and moon the NYU doors from the limo.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair what are you talking about?
Blair Waldorf: S it's only the most important night of the fall.
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, the sleepover.
Blair Waldorf: I prefer soiree. Sleepover is so sophomore year.
Serena van der Woodsen: Look you know I can't go to that I have that plan.
Blair Waldorf: Serena, when there's a Waldorf soiree, there's nothing else in the social calendar.
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair the plan is Dan. Remember the guy you realized who's actually a human being and worthy of your time and attention? No offense.
[in reference to Jenny's brother]
Jenny Humphrey: None taken.
Serena van der Woodsen: Look I'm really sorry but this date is unbreakable. Maybe we can swing by later or something...
Blair Waldorf: I'm not a stop along the way I'm a destination and if you refuse to attend I'm gonna have to find a replacement, girls the waiting list.
Serena van der Woodsen: Ok, um well I should get going.


"Gossip Girl: Riding in Town Cars with Boys (#5.10)" (2011)
Dan Humphrey: When you told me about the idea of rewriting the ending of my story, I thought maybe... maybe that's the answer.
Serena Van Der Woodsen: Then what stopped you?
Dan Humphrey: When I saw Blair discover how she felt about Chuck, she was heartbroken. I mean, I've been so consumed about my own feelings I wouldn't let myself see how much she loves Chuck. You were right. She didn't need my confession. She needed my help.
Serena Van Der Woodsen: Wow, that's... that's a really amazing thing to do, Dan.
Dan Humphrey: Well, I mean, I... It wasn't easy, but I do think I can give myself a new ending by making sure that she and Chuck get the ending they deserve. I want her to be happy.


"Gossip Girl: Double Identity (#4.2)" (2010)
Serena van der Woodsen: [to Blair on what guy she might choose] I even made a list of pros and cons. Dan: Good shoulders to cry on. Nate: Good shoulders.


"Gossip Girl: Memoirs of an Invisible Dan (#5.4)" (2011)
Dan Humphrey: Hey, everyone, thank you so much for coming.
Serena Van Der Woodsen: I only have five minutes.
Blair Waldorf: This better be really important.
Nate Archibald: What is this about?
Lily: Is everything alright?
Charlie Rhodes: This isn't about me, right?
Rufus Settle: Yeah, what's going on, Dan?
Chuck Bass: This is going to be fun.


"Gossip Girl: The Magnificent Archibalds (#2.11)" (2008)
Blair Waldorf: Remember, Serena doesn't share.
Serena van der Woodsen: Remember, Blair should learn to.


"Gossip Girl: Hi, Society (#1.10)" (2007)
Blair Waldorf: A girl wants Romeo not Hamlet.
Serena van der Woodsen: Romeo died.


"Gossip Girl: Gone with the Will (#2.15)" (2009)
Serena van der Woodsen: [reads Gossip Girl on Blair's phone] Nothing yet on Lonely Boy though we did find out he brown-bags it for lunch and today's plat du jour, a tuna sandwich. Disgusting but not enough for a conviction. Keep digging, kiddies.
Blair Waldorf: Tuna fish? Why does he make it so hard for himself?


"Gossip Girl: Dirty Rotten Scandals (#6.3)" (2012)
Blair Waldorf: How could you do this to me? Just because I didn't give your geriatric boyfriend a seat doesn't mean you had to tell Sage to sabotage my show.
Serena van der Woodsen: Save it, Blair! You were so upset that I care more about Steven then your show that you had to destroy my relationship.
Blair Waldorf: I didn't tell her to take off her dress in front of all of New York City on that fashion runway. You did.
Serena van der Woodsen: No, I didn't. I would rather avoid the child pornography charges.
Blair Waldorf: Well, if I didn't tell her to take off the dress and you didn't tell her to take off the dress, then who did?
[Sage entes]
Sage Spence: [smug] Nobody. I happened to like the underwear more.


"Gossip Girl: The Wrong Goodbye (#4.22)" (2011)
Serena van der Woodsen, Vanessa Abrams: [to Dan] We need to talk to you.
Chuck Bass: [to Dan] I need to talk to you.
Nate Archibald: [to Chuck] Hey, I need to talk to you.
Eric van der Woodsen: Okay, woah. Just tell me that no one's trying to stop a wedding, run a Ponzi scheme, give anybody fake cancer or turn into a justifiably vengeful townie.


"Gossip Girl: Last Tango, Then Paris (#3.22)" (2010)
Serena van der Woodsen: Hey. Didn't expect to find you here, staring at babies.
Dan Humphrey: Turns out I'm a big fan of babies.


"Gossip Girl: Father and the Bride (#5.12)" (2012)
Dan Humphrey: Look, Serena, while we're alone, there's something I wanna say to you...
Serena Van Der Woodsen: Are you fake breaking up with me?


"Gossip Girl: The Fasting and the Furious (#5.5)" (2011)
Dan Humphrey: I told Cassandra that I'm giving you the book rights.
Serena Van Der Woodsen: No, you don't have to do that. I wasn't trying to guilt you into it.
Dan Humphrey: No, I know. I know, but without you inspiring me from the beginning, I wouldn't be able to write anything, so... I owe you one. And despite the events of today, you know... I trust you.


"Gossip Girl: The Jewel of Denial (#5.3)" (2011)
Serena Van Der Woodsen: Stop worrying about your mom. CeCe won't tell a soul you're here, and she promised to call my mom to make sure she doesn't say anything either.
Charlie Rhodes: Well, even if that's true, what about Blair or Dan or everyone else? I don't think they'd be thrilled to find out that the psychotic freak is back in town.
Serena Van Der Woodsen: Please. This place is a mecca for psychotic freaks.


"Gossip Girl: The Kids Stay in the Picture (#4.18)" (2011)
Serena van der Woodsen: Well if I cut everyone out of my life who made a mistake I wouldn't have anyone left.


"Gossip Girl: I Am Number Nine (#5.6)" (2011)
Serena Van Der Woodsen: So, Mr. Screenwriter... Are you ready for your your first ever development meeting?
Dan Humphrey: I think so. As long as you guys don't wanna change the ending. Or the beginning. Or all the stuff in the middle.


"Gossip Girl: Ex-Husbands and Wives (#3.21)" (2010)
Serena van der Woodsen: [to Dan] Thanks for coming with me. I know this was a complicated one for you.
Dan Humphrey: When are things not complicated with Serena Van Der Woodsen?


"Gossip Girl: The Last Days of Disco Stick (#3.10)" (2009)
Serena van der Woodsen: You loved me?
Nate Archibald: Of course, I did. Serena, you're the most beautiful, amazing, alive person I've ever known.