Billy Tate
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Quotes for
Billy Tate (Character)
from "Soap" (1977)

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"Soap: Episode #3.7" (1979)
[Leslie's ex has shown up, interrupting Billy and Leslie's evening]
Charlie: Kid, run along, huh? I've got some business to discuss with Mrs. Walker.
Leslie: He's not leaving, Charlie, you are.
Billy: Leslie, please. I'll handle this. I'm not leaving Charlie, you are.
Charlie: Look, sonny, either you take a walk or I bounce you down the stairs.
[Charlie starts towards Leslie and Billy twists his arm behind his back]
Billy: I'm only gonna say this once, so you'd better pay attention. You've been asked to leave and you've been asked nicely. Leslie has asked you and now I'm telling you. I'm a fourth-degree black belt in karate a third-degree master in tai chi, so if you stay here and choose to make trouble, I'm going to hurt you very, very badly. So what's it gonna be?
Charlie: I just dropped by to say hello.
Billy: And?
Charlie: And I've said it.
[Billy releases Charlie, but takes a martial arts stance]
Charlie: God, look at the time. I gotta be going. It was nice seeing you both. Bye.
[Charlie slinks out the door]
Leslie: That was wonderful!
Billy: He bought it!
Leslie: Such calm, cool...
Billy: He actually bought it! Usually, they just beat the living hell out of me. It finally worked. Boy is he dumb!
Leslie: Why did you do that?
Billy: Why? 'Cause he's an obnoxious jerk and I wasn't crazy about the way he treated you, or me for that matter.


"Soap: Episode #3.11" (1979)
Leslie: Billy, I have a little present for you.
Billy: Oh, you didn't have to do that.
Leslie: I quit my job.
Billy: That's my present?
Leslie: I applied for a job at the university last semester and it came through.
Billy: So that means...?
Leslie: Exactly.
Billy: [nods] What does it mean?
Leslie: It means that I'm no longer your teacher. Mrs. Fairbanks is your teacher now. See?
Billy: You mean I have to take out Mrs. Fairbanks?
Leslie: You're eighteen. You're a man. I'm no longer bound by any legal or moral code. I can safely give you your present.
[amorously]
Leslie: And tonight, I'm gonna light up every candle on your cake.
Billy: I'd better start thinking of a wish.


"Soap: Episode #1.6" (1977)
[Billy is depressed about being dumped by his girlfriend]
Chester Tate: Billy, let me tell you a story. During the war, this guy Herbie and I became friends. Well, Herbie fell in love with a wonderful Italian girl, Carla. Thinking of Carla is what got him through the war. Well, Carla died and Herbie nearly fell apart. He stayed in, drank; I've never seen anyone so miserable. And then one day, Herbie came to me and he said "Chet, life must go on." And Herbie went on. A few years later, he fell in love with another woman, married her and they went to Jamaica on their honeymoon and she ran off with a steel band. But Herbie went on. He married again and this time, at the wedding reception, his bride left him for the caterer. But still, Herbie went on. His next wife ran off with his partner who ran off with his business. But still, Herbie went on. Because you see, Billy, he knew that there's a whole world out there. He knew that somewhere, around some corner, he would find happiness.
Billy Tate: Wow, I feel like a jerk. Look at Herbie, a lifetime of disasters. I had a week with a thirteen-year-old shrimp who lisps and I'm gonna throw my life away? Thanks, dad.
Chester Tate: Good boy, I'll see you at breakfast.
[starts to leave]
Billy Tate: Hey dad, where's Herbie now?
Chester Tate: Oh, he's in a mental institution.
Billy Tate: What?
Chester Tate: Yes, he just sits in the corner, talks in numbers and makes lovely baskets.
Billy Tate: But, I thought he always goes on.
Chester Tate: Oh Billy, please, there's just so much "going on" that a man can do.