Danny Dallas
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Quotes for
Danny Dallas (Character)
from "Soap" (1977)

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"Soap: Episode #3.17" (1980)
[Danny is about to kiss Polly when a man approaches them]
Dr. Stegman: Excuse me...
Danny: [jumps to his feet] Alright, what's your problem, buddy?
[grabs his jacket]
Danny: What's your problem, huh? You don't like interracial interrelating?
Dr. Stegman: I could care less.
Danny: Well then, what are you gawking at?
Dr. Stegman: I was just gonna say hello.
Danny: Is that so?
Dr. Stegman: I'm your dentist!
[Danny crouches down and looks up at him with his mouth open]
Danny: Dr. Stegman, I'm sorry. I didn't recognize you without your smock.

[Danny and Polly have gone to a real estate office to buy a home together]
Mr. Rosen: Sorry about the wait, you're next.
[Danny and Polly start toward his desk]
Mr. Rosen: [to Danny] I'm sorry, young fellow, but I think this young lady was ahead of you.
Danny: No, you don't understand...
Mr. Rosen: There's no rush. There's plenty of houses. All kinds of houses. Houses, houses! Rosen has hundreds of houses!
Polly: We're together.
Mr. Rosen: I haven't got a thing.
Danny: Hey!
Mr. Rosen: Joking, just some humor, please sit down, I got plenty, sit down.
[they sit]
Mr. Rosen: Crazy kids, crazy, crazy, crazy... What are you, crazy?
Polly: What do you mean?
Mr. Rosen: What do I mean? Look how you look: White, black; where do expect the live? In the land of Nod and Oz and Disney World? It's crazy!
Polly: All right, fine. Danny we don't need this.
Danny: We'll go someplace else.
Mr. Rosen: Wait, listen. Please sit down. I happen to have the same situation. My daughter is married to a black fella. Nice man, tall. But they have problems. People like them have problems, it's a social fact. You should see where *they* live and I sold them the house!
Polly: What do you recommend?
Mr. Rosen: I recommend you find yourself a nice black fella and you find yourself a nice Jewish girl.
Danny: I'm not Jewish.
Mr. Rosen: You won't regret it.

Polly: Mr. Rosen, may I ask you a question?
Mr. Rosen: Why not?
Polly: How did you deal with your daughter in love with a black man?
Mr. Rosen: At first, I was so upset I fasted for six hours. Then I said to myself: "Dundel, you're Jewish. There are people who are not so crazy about you, either!" And I realized hating was a disease and I was not gonna be a carrier.
Danny: How is your daughter doing?
Mr. Rosen: Great, fine. They're in love! What do they know?
Danny: That's wonderful.
Mr. Rosen: My wife, however, was committed three years ago.

"Soap: Episode #2.16" (1979)
[Burt, Danny, Jodie, Chuck and Bob are all drunk in a bar]
Burt: Life plays funny tricks.
Bob: [to Chuck] Oh, god, he's gonna make a speech. Spare me, please.
Danny: Don't mind him, Burt, he's drunk.
Burt: You see, what happens in life is this: Something bad happens to you and you say, "Oh, god! Look at This bad thins that just happened to me." Then you figure it's over and it will all get good again, but then what happens is another bad thing happens and then you say, "Pfft! That was a surprise. I mean, two bad thing in a row, but I guess that's it for a while, 'cause I just had my quota of bad." And then what happens is that some awful thing happens to you, like everything gets taken away from you, and you say, "Pfft! Well, that's it. I mean there's nothing else that can happen now. I lost everything!" And then, life plays its "funny trick"... you die.
Danny: Life is unfair to do that!

[Burt, Danny, Jodie, Chuck and Bob are all drunk in a bar]
Jodie: I'm not gonna throw up. I never throw up.
[Burt and Danny laugh]
Burt: What do you mean "I never throw up"?
Jodie: I *never* throw up!
Burt: [laughs] Throwing up is not a choice. You don't say "I'm sorry, I don't play tennis and I don't throw up."
Danny: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I bet I can make him throw up.
Jodie: Oh, yeah?
Danny: Yeah!
Jodie: Okay. Take your best shot.
Danny: Okay... picture this: a sack full of worms falls in your mouth...
Bob: [revolted] Stop! Stop!
Danny: I know I could make you throw up. All right, imagine this: a ton of raw liver...
Jodie: Get me a spoon.
Danny: And it's out in the hot sun...
Jodie: Oh, I love it.
Danny: And there's maggots in it and you've gotta eat it.
Bob: [gagging] Oh, god! Stop!
Jodie: See that? I told you, I never throw up. I don't even gag.
Danny: I'll stick my fingers down your throat.

"Soap: Episode #3.12" (1980)
[Danny has gone looking for Polly and is greeted at the door by her brother, Eddie]
Danny: Hi.
Eddie: Make it fast.
[Danny starts to talk]
Eddie: We don't want any.
[slams the door]
Eddie: [Danny knocks again and Eddie answers]
Eddie: Yeah?
Danny: Is this 58 Milburn Street?
Eddie: Who wants to know?
Danny: I'm looking for Polly Dawson.
Eddie: I ain't her!
[slams the door]
Eddie: [Danny knocks harder and Eddie answers]
Danny: Do you have me confused with somebody you really hate?
Eddie: [holds up a fist] You see this?
Danny: Yes, I do. I see that.
Eddie: Take a good look at it, because in about two seconds it's gonna be behind you.

Danny: It's only about seven o'clock now. You wanna go out?
Polly: Sure, let's go.
Eddie: [from the other room] Have her home by eight.

"Soap: Episode #3.20" (1980)
[Burt has just received the election recount results]
Burt: Prentiss got caught stuffing the ballot boxes, so I won, I am the sheriff.
[everyone congratulates Burt]
Danny: How 'bout that? Sheriff. And I get to be deputy, right Burt? Me, deputy, me. Please?
Bob: I'm gonna be the deputy.
Danny: You are not.
Bob: Am too.
[Danny and Bob argue before Mary breaks it up]
Mary: Burt, what's the matter?
Burt: Well, it's Prentiss, he won't give up the office. Yeah, he's holed up in the armory with enough weapons to quality as a third world nation. He says he will not be taken alive and my first assignment is to take him.
Danny: Let's go get him.
Burt: Danny, this Prentiss, he won gold medals for marksmanship and he is now in a fortified stone building.
Bob: On second thought, I don't want to be deputy.

"Soap: Episode #3.7" (1979)
Danny: Aunt Jessie?
Jessica: Yes, what?
Danny: Do you think our family's crazy?
The Major: Hit the dirt everybody!
[grabs a pineapple from a bowl of fruit]
The Major: It's a grenade!
[throws it through the window and dives to the floor]
Chester: Major, look what you've done.
Dutch: [looks out the window] The gas main they were working on down the street; it blew up.
Jessica: Thank goodness, I thought it was the pineapple. Danny, what was your question?
Danny: Never mind.

"Soap: Episode #2.5" (1978)
Sally: If Al Pacino ever saw you, he'd probably never leave his house again. I mean, why bother?
Danny: Well, I don't know about that.
Sally: Believe me.
Danny: [smirks] He is a little short, I hear.

"Soap: Episode #2.7" (1978)
[Danny and Elaine have been fighting since their marriage]
Elaine: I don't hate you, Danny.
Danny: Well, you give the best damn impression of it I've ever seen.
Elaine: I know.
Danny: Why do you do that, Elaine? Why do you treat people that way?
Elaine: It's a long story.
Danny: I got time.
Elaine: I had a sister, once. She was a couple of years older than me. Her name was Diana. She was bright and beautiful and good and kind. She was one of these people that made everyone around her feel good. When she was sixteen, she was killed in a car accident. The night she died, my father, in his grief said to me: "Why wasn't it you?" So, may mother was dead and my sister was dead and my father, who I loved more than anyone else in the world, wished I was dead... and I got angry. I got angry and cold and mean. And I decided then never to love anyone again.
Danny: Oh, Elaine... I didn't know.
Elaine: I love you, Danny. And maybe someday, if it's not already too late, you'll love me.

"Soap: Episode #3.14" (1980)
Burt: So, Eddie. What do you do?
Eddie: I'm a writer.
Danny: I didn't know that.
Eddie: [coolly] Well, we've never really had a chance to chitchat.
Danny: What do you write?
Eddie: Essays, magazine articles. "The Plight of the Black Race", "400 Years of Oppression", "The White Man's Disgrace"...
Bob: Oh, so you're a gag writer, is that it?
[Danny and Eddie chase Chuck and Bob out of the room]