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Quotes for
Barney Gerber (Character)
from "Soap" (1977)

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"Soap: Episode #1.10" (1977)
Barney Gerber: Jodie, did I ever tell you about my wife? I know, you're not in the mood right now to hear stories by old men, but you listen, because it could help. My wife, Jodie, oh-ho, my wife was a wonder. I swear, she was a miracle, Jodie. She used to walk down the street - the whole Bronx would light up. I used to stare at her in amazement, thinking how lucky I was. And after fifteen years, I still stared at that woman in amazement. She was all I needed, Jodie, I had the whole world right there. If I'd died, I could've died happy. The, uh... the trouble was, she died. One day, she wakes up - little lump. Six months later, bing bing. The light goes out on my life. Oh boy. I tell you, I walked around for months, I was doubled over. It was like somebody slugged me! I went through the normal routine of daily living, I ate, I slept, I went to the bathroom... and in between these three major activities, Jodie, there was... a lot of pain. I never thought 'I'm ever gonna fall in love again', bah. Well, a few years later, I met a redhead. Not like my wife, no. Entirely different. So, I ate, I slept, I went to the bathroom, and one day... I laughed. One day, I noticed, I laughed. Then another day I hummed. And then soon after... I sang. And well... I married her! Ah, Jodie, if we weren't happy... in an entirely different way, it wasn't better, it wasn't worse, it was... different. There I was, miserable Barney Gerber, happy again. Heh, you see, Jodie? You see how smart I was, I thought 'I'll never love again'. I thought 'I'll never be happy again'. I also thought... 'I'll never have to say goodbye again'. Yeah. Ten years we were happy, Jodie, and then one day... agh, some maniac with bourbon in his blood, something on his mind, runs through a red light... and stops Barney Gerber right in mid-song. Well. That was sixteen months ago. Since then, I have eaten, I have slept. Occasionally, I went to the bathroom, and I... I had a heart attack. So I said, 'Gerber that's all, you're finished, forget it. What, it's never going to happen again! Once was wonderful. Twice was incredible. A third time? Ah, you're kidding yourself. A third time would be asking for a miracle.' But you know something, Jodie? I don't really believe that! If I believed that, I wouldn't be here, in this hotel, letting them sew Dacron into my heart to hold it together. I wouldn't be here, begging my blood to visit my heart at least a few times a day, y'know, to keep it going! I wouldn't be here at all, Jodie, if I didn't believe it could be! A third time! Ah, listen, listen, mein kind, I know that you don't feel so terrific right now. But wait, Jodie. Wait! Someday, I guarantee you... you're going to hear somebody laughing. And you'll turn around... and it'll be you.