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Quotes for
Rick (Character)
from "The Young Ones" (1982)

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"The Young Ones: Bambi (#2.1)" (1984)
Rick: The world's stupidest bottom burp? Vyvyan, Britain.
Neil: Says "Rick, Britain".

Neil: [doing the washing] Come on, guys. The sooner we start, the sooner we finish.
Rick: Ha. They said that about the... , er... , something that took a long time to finish.

Rick: We're getting thrashed, we're getting completely thrashed. Isn't there some way we can cheat?

Bambi: And a bonus question for five points... Who has been tampering with my question cards?
Rick: It was me! It was me!
[loud booing from the audience]
Rick: No! No! No!

Rick: [stands up from the table] Why don't you like me?
Vyvyan: Cos you're a complete bastard
Rick: Vyvyan, I'm being serious
Vyvyan: So am I. You're a complete bastard and we all hate you.
Rick: [chuckles and places hands on hips] I find that very difficult to believe.
Vyvyan: You wanna bet on it? I'll put down a fiver.
Neil: Yea I will too.
Mike: Count me in.

Rick: You spiteful bastard, Neil! Just because you've done loads and loads of work for this, just because you're a creepy little swot you've done about 15 million tons of work for this, like a girl, and I'm so hard and street and cool that I've done absolutely bugger all, and you've done loads, look at it, loads and loads, loads and loads...
Neil: Stop it, Rick! It's only University Challenge, Rick, it's only University Challenge!
Rick: ...loads and loads, loads and loads...

Vyvyan: [Taking out a book] Well, I've done my revision.
Mike: The Daily Mirror Book of Facts: Did You Know?
Neil: Do you think that's where they get the questions from? The world's record for stuffing marshmallows up one single nostril...
Vyvyan: Ehhh... 604, Toxteth O'Grady, USA.
Neil: Yeah, right! World's stickiest bogey?
Vyvyan: Ha! Tried to fool me. That's Toxteth again!
Rick: The World's Stupidest Bottom-Burp: Vyvyan, Britain!
Rick: It says "Rick" here.

Neil: Ah I wished we'd missed the train after all now. I'm not going to be answer anything, I just know it.
Rick: Oh come off it Neil you little swotty-pants! God, just look at you. Swatting away for teacher like a total spazmo! God you're really just an utter creep aren't you? You've done loads and load of work for this, and I haven't done anything. Nothing at all! Go on... test me!
Neil: What?
Rick: Go on, test me!
Neil: You just said you hadn't done anything.
Rick: Stop trying to be clever, just take the book!
Neil: Alright. But verbatim regurgitation is against my principles.
Rick: I'm asking you to test me on it, not throw up on it! Alright, now do it properly and don't skip it.
Neil: O-Level history notes?
Rick: Yes! Bit of pretty bloody brilliant luck eh? We're doing exactly the same period as I did for O-Level.
Neil: [reading from Rick's notebook] "Prick is a wonker, signed the rest of the class."
Rick: Ha ha, yes, ha ha, no that was sort of an in-joke that we had in my form. Actually I was incredibly popular and everyone thought I was great.
Neil: [continues reading] "... I agree with the rest of the class, signed teacher."
Rick: [quickly turns to another page] Just test me on the stuff will you?
Rick: There.
Neil: Alright, alright. Don't get uncool and heavy.
[reads from a lesson]
Neil: "Crop rotation in the 14th century."
Rick: Right!
Rick: "Crop rotation in the 14th century was much more widespread..."
Neil: [interrupts] "Considerably more."
Rick: What?
Neil: It's "considerably more widespread" not "much more".
Rick: Well?
Neil: Well you said do it properly.
Rick: Well not that much you stupid, bloody hippie!
Neil: You said do it properly and don't skip bits! How was I to know that wasn't important?
Rick: WELL IT WASN'T IMPORTANT! Alright? Now shall we just get on and stop wasting time like this? Right. Crop rotation in the 14th century was *considerably* more widespread after... God I know this... um... don't tell me... after... 1172!
[Neil is silent and just looks at Rick]
Rick: Well, was I right?

Neil: No, but I didn't think it was important!
Rick: OK, look, what was the answer then?
Neil: You just said not to tell you.
Rick: I did not! I bloody well did not!
Neil: You did! You did! You said "don't tell me" just before you said "1172"!
Rick: Yes, but I only meant for a minute!
Neil: What, a minute from now or a minute from then?
Rick: Look, just shut up and tell me the answer!
Neil: Shut up and tell you the answer?
Neil: [looks back at the book] "John".
Rick: Thank you... "John"?
Neil: Yeah, "John" is the answer.
Rick: "Crop rotation in the 14th century was considerably more widespread after... John"?
Neil: "... Lloyd invented the patent crop rotator."
Rick: Oh, yes! I knew it, I bloody knew it!
Neil: You didn't, you didn't, you said "1172"! That's not a bit like "John".
Rick: You spiteful bastard, Neil! Just because you've done loads and loads of work for this, just because you're a creepy little swot you've done about 15 million tons worth of work, like a girl, and it's because I'm so hard and street and cool that I've done absolutely bugger all,
Rick: and you've done loads and loads, loads and loads, loads and loads and loads, and loads and loads load...
[making a mess of Neil's papers]
Neil: Stop it, Rick! It's only University Challenge, Rick, it's only University Challenge!

"The Young Ones: Nasty (#2.3)" (1984)
Vyvyan: I still don't see why we had to dig the grave... and carry the coffin, and... and everything else.
Neil: Well we're actually the ones who're responsible for his being in this position in the first place.
Vyvyan: Liberal.
Rick: Well you should've heard me and the undertakers Michael.
Rick: We made up all these fabulous jokes about the undertaker coming 'round to measure my "stiffie."
Neil: Well, I thought we oughta have some sort of, like, floral tribute, but all I could find was this carrot; so I borrowed Rick's Biro...
Rick: You rented it, Neil, you rented it, and you still haven't paid.
Neil: Yeah, yeah. And I wrote something; "Sorry about everything being a bit of a bummer, you know, what with you dying and all. Still, things could've been worse; You could've been me, and ended-up having a really bad time all the time", signed, "Neil".
Mike: That's very touching, Neil.

Rick: Oh yes Vyvyan, when the mountain won't come to Mohammed, smash the drawing room to pieces. That's very Buddhist, isn't it?

Vyvyan: It's a video nasty!
Rick: It's a carpet farty!

Rick: Neil, the bathroom's free. Unlike the country under the Thatcherite junta.

Drunk Vicar: Ashes to ashes...
Rick: [singing] Funk to funky, we know Major Tom's a junkie...
[the vicar head butts Rick into the grave]

Rick: Vyvyan! You utter bastard! Why aren't you in your bed?
Vyvyan: Because I'm not going to bed tonight.
Rick: What do you mean you're not going to bed tonight? How dare you not go to bed tonight! I go to all the trouble to board you up in your bedroom, and you don't even have the common decency to be in there!

Rick: Oh no, the front door's exploded!
Mike: Vyvyan!
Rick: Vyvyan!
Vyvyan: Vyvyan, Vyvyan, Vyvyan! Honestly, whenever anything explodes in this house it's always blame Vyvyan!

Harry the Bastard: [the actors go out of character and use their normal voices] It's rubbish, this, isn't it, eh? You know what I mean? I mean, all the way from the Transvaal by second class post to end up in a filthy, dirty, horrible toilet in a television studio! I mean, people think that telly's great, you know, they tell me all the time that it must be great, but it's not. It's dead boring. And that lot, I mean, they're all dull as well, and they all talk about me behind me back!
Vyvyan: I hate him.
Neil: He drinks like a fish.
Rick: Yes, he's got no talent.
Mike: Alexei who?
Harry the Bastard: But you see, the worst thing about television is, you see, I'm a Marxist comedian, you know, but em, since I've been doing television, a lot of me Marxist friends have accused me of selling out, you know. Like they make me march at the back on demos. They're all selling the Socialist Worker, and I've got to sell the TV Times. So I'd just like to take this opportunity, on national television, to assure you all, comrades, that honest to God, I have NOT sold out! Anyway round about now, I usually have a Pot Noodle! It's tasty. Ummm! Doesn't that look good! It's a tasty delicious little snack! Ummmm! Let's try some, shall we? Doesn't that look absolutely yumscious! Ohhhh! Let's try some, shall we?

"The Young Ones: Oil (#1.2)" (1982)
Rick: Im not sharing a bedroom with THAT rubber johnny! Allright Neil, Shut up. Before you say anything I just tossed a coin for who gets the bed and you lost. It's completely fair and if you don't believe me, ask Mike
Neil: [Despondently] Oh, uh. Okay Rick
[Audience "Awws]
Rick: What?
Neil: What?
Rick: What did you just say?
Neil: Huh?
Rick: You just called me a Bastard didn't you!

[Vyvyan hits Rick in the crotch with a cricket bat because he interrupted Mike]
Rick: Ha, ha, jokes on you, missed both my legs.

Vyvyan: [Rick and Vyvyan are arguing over who gets which room in their new house] This is my room!
Rick: No, it's my room!
Vyvyan: [Dumps a bin liner full of his clothes on the bed] No! See? It must be my room, cause all my clothes are here!
Rick: [after picking the clothes up and throwing them up out the window] No they're not, Vyvyan!
[Vyvyan strikes a match and lights the bed on fire]
Rick: Oh, that's just perfect, now what are we going to do?
Vyvyan, Rick: [Rushing out of the room] Neil! Your bedroom's on fire!
Neil: [Coming out of a room] Huh? Which one's mine?
[Sees flaming bed]
Neil: Oh no!

Mike: It's nice to have a front door.
Vyvyan: We had a front door in the last house.
Rick: Yes, Vyvyan, but it was nailed to the ceiling in the living room!

Rick: Why did you throw the toilet out of the window?
Vyvyan Basterd: To lower the rent.
Rick: Of course, stupid old me. Just one other thing, what are you talking about?
Vyvyan Basterd: Now we can go to the rent tribunal, you don't have to pay as much for a house with an outside lavvy.
Rick: Really... Well I don't believe you, I think you did it on purpose because you know I've got a runny bottom!
Vyvyan Basterd: Look, is Neil going to make the supper or not?
Rick: I think you'd better ask him that have you, I'm a bit more interested in my bottom at the moment!

Vyvyan Basterd: This is revolting.
Rick: You know, it is amazing what you can come up with with just flour and water.
Vyvyan Basterd: Yeah. Glue.

Rick: What is that little white dot?
Neil Pye: It's a little white dot.
Rick: Oh very clever.
Neil Pye: Must be really old telly.
Rick: What, hippie?
Neil Pye: It's a sign, that little white dot. It means something really heavy. It means there's no more telly, it's time to go to bed.

Mike: It's nice to have a front door.
Vyvyan: We had a front door at the LAST house.
Rick: Yes, Vyvyan, but it was nailed to the ceiling. In the living room.

"The Young Ones: Sick (#2.5)" (1984)
Neil: Do you think that you could get something while you're there to clean the toilet with?
Rick, Vyvyan: What?
Mike: I don't think I can, Neil.
Vyvyan: You can't clean the toilet, Neil. It'll lose all its character.
Rick: We NEVER clean the toilet, Neil. That's what being a student is all about. No way, Harpic. No way, Dot. All that Blue Loo scene is for squares. One thing's for sure, Neil. When Cliff Richard wrote "Wired for Sound", no way was he sitting on a clean lavatory. He was living on the limit, just like me. Where the only place to put bleach is in your hair.
Vyvyan: Living on Limits? What, are you on a diet?
Rick: No, I live on The Limit, Vyvyan. The Limit. Because I'm a Rider at the Gates of Dawn and I take no prisoners.

Manure Salesman(Mick): Hello.
Manure Salesman(Tezz): Hello.
Rick: Hello!
Manure Salesman(Mick): I'm Mick. This is Tezz.
Manure Salesman(Tezz): Alright.
Manure Salesman(Mick): We would've brought Harry, but... we don't know anyone called Harry.

Manure Salesman(Mick): We've come about the muck.
Rick: Muck?
Manure Salesman(Mick): You know manure.
Rick: Yes.
Manure Salesman(Mick): We've been told to drop a load in your garden.
Rick: Now listen. Listen. Absolutely nobody, I don't care who they are, is doing a two ton poo outside my front door.
Manure Salesman(Tezz): Suit yourself. Just though you might need it to cover up that dead hippie you just murdered.

[Rik and Vyvyan are arguing in the garden]
Rick: Sticks and stones, Vyvyan, will break my bones!
Vyvyan: [picking up a large piece of wood] That's the first sensible thing you've said today!
[breaks the piece of wood on Rik's head]

Rick: [something explodes] All right, who's responsible?
Mike: Well, I think I'm quite responsible, actually.

Rick: You're probably not even sick anyway, you're just trying to get attention.
Neil: Oh yeah? Then how come I'm all hot and sweaty then?
Rick: Well I think most of us would rather not know that!
Vyvyan: Will you two shut up? I'm trying to be ill!

Neil: Vyvyan, will you shut up? You're giving me tunnel vision!
Neil: Stop shouting, yourself!
Neil: Yes you are!
Rick: I BLOODY WELL AM NOT! If you want to hear shouting, matey, this is it.
[screams like a baby]
Vyvyan: [lighting a Molotov cocktail] You know, it's funny, but being ill makes me lose my ususal tolerant, and easy going approach to communal living.
[tosses the cocktail between Rick and Neil's rooms]

Neil: Vyvyan, would you shut up, you're giving me tunnel vision!
Rick: [At the top of his lungs] STOP SHOUTING NEIL!
Neil: Stop shouting yourself!
Neil: Yes, you are!
Rick: I BLOODY WELL AM NOT! If you want to hear shouting matey, this is it!
[Starts screaming like a baby]
Vyvyan: [Calmly while assembling a Molotov cocktail] It's funny, but being ill makes me loose my usual tolerance and easy going approach to communal living.
[throw Molotov cocktail at Rick and Neil, which explodes]

"The Young Ones: Boring (#1.3)" (1982)
[explaining cereal contest rules]
Vyvyan: You have to write in 10 words what Cornflakes mean to you. So I wrote: Cornflakes. Cornflakes. Cornflakes, Cornflakes, Cornflakes. Cornflakes, Cornflakes, Cornflakes, Cornflakes.
Rick: PATHETIC. You'll never win, you know.
Vyvyan: Why not?
Rick: That's only 9 words.
Vyvyan: Oh, yeah.
Vyvyan: Cornflakes.

Rick: Hey, wouldn't it be amazing if all this money was real?
Vyvyan: That is the single most predictable and BORING thing that anyone could ever say whilst playing Monopoly.

[Vyvyan is introducing the guys to his mother... ]
Vyvyan: That's a friend of mine named Neil, that's a friend of mine named Mike... and that's a complete bastard I know named Rick.
Rick: [laughing] He's just joking Mrs. Vyvyan, we're actually terrific friends.
Mrs Vyvyan: Ooh-err. He is a bastard, isn't he?

[the lads meet Madness]
Rick: Do you lot know "Summer Holiday" by Cliff Richard?
Suggs: You hum it... I'll smash your face in.

Rick: So tell me Mrs. Vyvyan, why did you give him a girl's name?

Rick: Guys! Guys! Look at us! Squabbling, bickering, like children! What's happening to us? We never used to be like this!
Vyvyan: Yes we did.
Mike: Yeah, he's right, Rick. We've always been like this.

Rick: Well, Vyvyan, you never told us your mother was a bartender.
Vyvyan: Well, she was a shoplifter when I knew her.
Neil: She doesn't look strong enough.
Vyvyan: Eh?
Neil: To lift shops.

"The Young Ones: Flood (#1.6)" (1982)
Rick: Oh, God, I'm bored. Might as well be listening to Genesis.

Rick: [pacing around the room] Meringue... Boomerang... Long, blue, boomerang...
Vyvyan: Oh, shut up.
Rick: I'm trying to free form.
Vyvyan: I'm trying to read.
Rick: OH, REALLY! I learned how to do that years ago. And what is it your reading Vyvian? A bit of Petrarchian verse, is it? A little bit of French drama?
Vyvyan: It's called "SS Death Camp Criminal Battalion go to Monte Casino for the Massacre".
Rick: [snatching comic] That's MY bloody comic.
Vyvyan: Give it back.
Rick: No, Vyvyan. It's mine.
[sits down and reads]
Rick: Anyway, there's no point in reading comics, they're stupid. They treat the kids as if they we're... well, you know, kids. Nothing but war in them. War, war bloody war. Why can't they have stories about love and peace?
Vyvyan: Because it's sissy, you girly.
Rick: I'm not being girly, Vyvyian. Longing for a peaceful world is not being girly.
Vyvyan: It is - It's being soppy and very very girly.
Rick: I AM NOT BEING G - Look, this entire discussion is completely sexist anyway and I don't intend to continue it.
[puts head down to read comic]
Rick: but
[looks up again]
Rick: for your information, it is not soppy of me to long for a world where a man will love his brother.
Vyvyan: Poof.
Rick: You're dilibratelly trying to provoke me aren't you?
Vyvyan: Yeah.
Rick: For one man to love another, Vyvyan, is not poofy. It's actually very beautiful. It's only when they start touching each others bottoms that it gets poofy.

[Vyvyan is making a cardboard submarine]
Rick: That's just typical of you Vyvyan. The house is under fifty feet of water and what do you do? Build a submarine.
Rick: There's um... no room for me in there, is there?
Vyvyan: No.

Rick: All I'm saying is that this comic is reactionary militarist pamphlet, all they ever do is fight all the time!
Vyvyan: And what's so wrong with that? I suppose you think we should all go around touching each others bottoms. "Dan Dare touches The Mekons bottom". Exciting new story: "Batman gooses The Jokers crack"!

Rick: I know, let's put Neil's speaker in front of the door!
Neil: Oh, not that speaker! Jimi Hendrix once pissed on that!

Rick: [reading a comic book] Nothing but war in here! War! War! Bloody war! Why can't they have stories about love and peace?
Vyvyan: Because it's sissy, you girlie.

Rick: You're deliberately trying to provoke me, aren't you?
Vyvyan: Yeah!

"The Young Ones: Bomb (#1.4)" (1982)
Rick: Gotcha, Vyvyan! Using my ketchup on your corn flakes!
Vyvyan: Well I couldn't get any milk out of the fridge!
Rick: Why, what are you, a spazzy?
Vyvyan: No, there just happens to be an atom bomb in front of the door!

Vyvyan: [about the person at the door] It's probably someone unbelievably boring.
Neil: [Upon discovering who's at the door] Oh no! It's the TV detector man!
Rick: MIKE, YOU BASTARD! Why didn't you buy a license? I can't go to prison, I'm too pretty, I'll get raped!

Rick: Absolutely pathetic! There's nothing on at all! Humph! Don't know why we bother to pay our license!
Mike TheCoolPerson: We don't.
Rick: But, haven't we got a license?
Mike TheCoolPerson: No.
Rick: But that makes me a criminal! Right on! Yeah, this will shake them up at the Anarchists Society! Occupying the refectories! So what? This is the real stuff! I'm a fugitive! A desperado! I'm going to form a new union society, right? With me a president! 'People Who Don't Pay Their TV Licenses Against the Nazis!' This is only the beginning!
Vyvyan Basterd: What are you going to do, Rick? Burn your bra?
Rick: Well, someone's got to do it, Vyvyan. It's very easy to sit on your backside, isn't it?
Vyvyan Basterd: Not if you haven't got a bottom!

Rick: I notice you haven't written the call down in the book, Mike. That's very interesting, isn't it? I mean, we've got this book here to write down all the calls we make in. I suppose you forgot, did you? Well, I wonder how many other times you conveniently forgot?
Mike: Rick, what are you talking about? This is a pay phone.

Rick: [dramatically reciting poetry into the mirror] Pollution! All around! Sometimes... up
[raises his eyes]
Rick: , sometimes... down
[lowers eyes]
Rick: , but always... around
[swivels eyes]
Rick: . Pollution, are you coming to my town? Or am I coming to yours! Hah! We're on different buses, Pollution. But we're both using petrol. BOMBS!

Rick: [gazing in horror at a skin mag Mike has handed him] You're sick, Mike!
Mike: If people weren't sick, we wouldn't need penicillin.

"The Young Ones: Summer Holiday (#2.6)" (1984)
Rick: What's the difference? There'll be plenty of chicks for these tigers on the road to the promised land. This is it. It's really happening. Who needs qualifications? Who cares about Thatcher and unemployment? We can do just exactly whatever we want to do. And you know why? Because we're Young Ones. Bachelor boys. Crazy, mad, wild-eyed, big-bottomed anarchists.

Mike: Rick, Your parents died this morning.
Rick: My parents are dead? I can't believe it.
Neil: And you think that's bad?
Rick: Well yes I do actually what's it to you piss face?

Rick: [Just before the bus smashes into a Cliff Richard sign and goes flying off a cliff] Look out! CLIFF!

Rick: Your tutor asked me to tell you that if you don't show up again next year that he and the dean might have to seriously reconsider your grant.
Mike: Well, you can tell my tutor that I've still got the photographs of him and the dean. I think I'll ask for one of those Ph.D.s next year.

Vyvyan: Well, what about Babycham? One glass of that and I'm anybody's!
Rick: Then it's a bit of a pity that absolutely nobody wants you then, isn't it?
Vyvyan: Rick, shut up, or I'll tell everybody in this room that you've got an iron-on cartoon worm on the front of your Y-fronts that says 'Girl-bait'!
Rick: [Uncomfortably] Oh, so you've been going through my Y-fronts, have you Vyvyan? I suppose you *fancy* me, is that it?
Vyvyan: [Acting] Yes! As a matter of fact, I do Rick! I really, really fancy you, and I want to give you a big girly kiss on the bottom!
Rick: [Creeped out] Ugh! Ugh, Mike, Mike, Vyvyan's gone all funny! Ugh! Ugh, he says he wants to kiss my bottom!
Vyvyan: Oh! Did I say 'kiss you on the bottom'? Oh, beg my pardon. I meant to say: 'Stick a pick-axe through your spinal column!'

"The Young Ones: Interesting (#1.5)" (1982)
Rick: That's just typical. Five minutes before the most important party of my life and the house is destroyed by a giant sandwich.

Anarchist: Next week, right, I'm going to blow up a panda in Croydon.
Rick: Yeah, right on! Bloody zoos, who needs 'em.
Anarchist: I mean a police car, you terminal wally!

Rick: [trying to host a party] That's my flatmate Vyvyan. Hi, Vyvyan, what are you doing?
Vyvyan: Shut up, you girl!
Rick: [laughs] He's incredible! I'm not a girl at all! Mind you, we're all pretty potty in this house. Last night, right, we were all watching the television and it was a program we wanted to watch, you know, and, uh, we were just watching it and right in the middle of it, I got up and turned it off! Mad! I don't care what I do, you know. Unless it's work or anything like that, you know. Last Wednesday we stayed up 'til one o'clock in the morning!

Fisher: Next Tuesday, right, I'm going to blow up a panda in Croydon.
Rick: Yeah, right on. Bloody zoos, who needs them?

Rick: Well that's just typical! Five minutes to go until the most important party of my life, and half the house has been wrecked by a giant sandwich!

"The Young Ones: Cash (#2.2)" (1984)
Neil: Guys, guys, guys, I think I've solved our money problem. I'm writing to my bank manager. See what you think..."Dear Bank Manager."
Mike: Yeah?
Neil: Well, that's it. I'm quite pleased with it so far, though.
Mike: Oh, well, it's a strong opening, certainly.
Vyvyan: I don't like the "dear." Sounds a bit too much like, "Will you go to bed with me?"
Mike: Well spoken, Vyvyan. What do you think instead?
Vyvyan: Uh, what about..."darling?
[everyone concurs]
Neil: [writing] "Darling Bank Manager..."
Rick: No, no, no, no, no, not "Bank Manager," it's far too crawly bum-lick. Tell it like it is, put "Fascist Bullyboy!"
Neil: "Darling Fascist Bullyboy..."
Mike: That's nice, yes, so far so good. So what do you want to say?
Neil: Well, basically, I want to ask him if I can have, like, an extension on my overdraft, but I know there must be a better way of putting it than that.
Mike: Well, what about, "Give me some more money"?
Vyvyan: ..."You bastard!"
Neil: Don't you think that's a bit strong?
Mike: Ah, Neil, people like that respect strength.
Neil: Yeah, you're right. Uh, "Darling Fascist Bullyboy, Give me some more money, you bastard..." Uh..."Love, Neil."
Vyvyan: Not "Love, Neil"! That sounds far too much like, "Come and get it like a bitch-funky sex machine!"
Neil: Yeah, you're right... Uh, what about, "Yours sincerely"?
Rick: Oh, come off it, Neil. If you're going to be that sycophantic, why don't you go 'round there now and stick your tongue straight down the back of his trousers?
Neil: Oh, look, I know, I know, why not "Boom Shanka"? It means, "May the seed of your loin be fruitful in the belly of your woman."
Mike: He'll never understand "Boom Shanka," you'll have to write the whole thing out.
Neil: Right, okay, here we go. "Darling Fascist Bullyboy, Give me some more money, you bastard. May the seed of your loin be fruitful in the belly of your woman, Neil."
Rick: Well, if that doesn't work, I don't know what will.

Rick: And what makes you think your bank manager's a man?
Neil: Uh... his beard.

Rick: Didn't your mother ever tell you about the birds and the bees?
Neil: Mine did, but I didn't believe her. Well, I mean, what if the bird got stung, like halfway through? Well, I mean there's a big size difference. Ostriches are really big, right...

Rick: Vyvyan's baby will be a pauper. Oliver Twist! Jeffrey Dickens! Back to Victorian values! I hope you're satisfied, Thatcher!

"The Young Ones: Demolition (#1.1)" (1982)
Rick: [reading his ode to Cliff Richard] Oh Cliff / Sometimes it must be difficult not to feel as if / You really are a cliff / when fascists keep trying to push you over it! / Are they the lemmings / Or are you, Cliff? / Or are you Cliff?

Neil: wow... that was really pretty bad, Rick
Rick: Bad for society when the kids start to get into it!

Neil: [Neil steps out the door and finds Rick tied to a cross] Hey Rick, man! What're you doing with my crucifix, man?
Rick: Protesting!
Neil: Yeah, but I really think I should lay this one on you, man: that's a really negative way to kill yourself, you know, like, I've tried it hundreds of times. There's no way you can hammer in the last nail.

"The Young Ones: Time (#2.4)" (1984)
Neil: You mean, you, like, scored with a chick?
Rick: Well, of course, I wouldn't put it in such sexist terms, Neil, but yes.
Mike: Now, wait a minute, Rick. I'm the one who gets the girls around here. There could be a copyright problem.
Vyvyan: I don't understand. How? Was she unconscious?
Rick: What, Vyvyan? Do I detect a little spark of jealousy?
Vyvyan: Ha! I'm not jealous. I find the idea of spending a night with you completely revolting!
Rick: You know perfectly well what I mean. Just because I was the most wanted and attractive guy at the party last night...
Neil: What do you mean, Rick? You passed out after half a glass of cider.
Rick: Did I? Blimey, that's a bit anarchic! Anyway, it just goes to show you, Neil. Even when I'm unconscious, I can pick up the birds. Erm, I mean, forge meaningful relationships with birds... chicks... tarts... women. Women!

Rick: One things for sure, when Cliff Richard wrote 'wired for sound' no way was he sitting on a clean lavatory.

Vyvyan: No, I just don't understand - how? Was she unconscious?
Rick: What Vyvyan - do I detect a little spark of jealousy?
Vyvyan: Ha! I'm not jealous! I find the idea of spending a night with you completely revolting!