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Quotes for
Senator Stampingston (Character)
from "Metalocalypse" (2006)

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"Metalocalypse: The Curse of Dethklok (#1.1)" (2006)
Senator Stampingston: As you can see, Dethklok is no laughing matter. They're the world's greatest cultural force. A short time since the Duncan Hills Coffee Jingle Batsfjord Massacre Fest, every other coffee company has been obliterated. Completely blown out of the water.
General Krosier: [disgustedly] Freaks.
Senator Stampingston: These "freaks," as you call them, are currently worth billions. Gentlemen -
[the band members' faces appear on the screen behind Stampingston as he quotes their names, as heard in their song "Deththeme"]
Senator Stampingston: "Skwisgaar Skwigelf, taller than a tree. Toki Wartooth, not a bumblebee. William Murderface, Murderface, Murderface. Pickles the Drummer... doodly-doo, uh - ding-dong... doodly... doodly-doo. Nathan Explosion." I'm afraid that's all we know, gentlemen.
Cardinal Ravenwood: I will remind you again of the Sumerian artifact. The resemblance is indisputable.
General Krosier: If they're the ones that we think they are, we should exterminate them immediately.
Mr. Selatcia: No.
[everyone turns to him]
Mr. Selatcia: We wait.

Senator Stampingston: Gentlemen, Skwisgaar Skwigelf, taller than a tree. Toki Wartooth, not a bumblebee. William Murderface Murderface Murderface. Pickles, the drummer, doodily doo, ding-dong doodily doodily doo. Nathan Explosion. I'm afraid that's all we know, gentlemen.

Senator Stampingston: Skwisgaar Skwigelf, taller than a tree. Toki Wartooth, not a bumblebee. William Murderface, Murderface, Murderface. Pickles the Drummer, doodily doo ding dong doodily doodily doo. Nathan Explosion.

"Metalocalypse: Dethclown (#1.17)" (2006)
Senator Stampingston: Gentlemen, satellite photos revealed something very disturbing at Mordhaus last night. One of the members of Dethklok was joyriding with a clown... a rock and roll clown. General Krosier?
General Krosier: His name is Dr. Rockso. He's the rock and roll clown. He does cocaine. I'm afraid that's all we know.
Cardinal Ravenwood: It is the fool that tempts fate. The fool can be the fly on the back of the beast.
General Krosier: I think we should bring him in.
Senator Stampingston: [clearly not happy with the idea] Yes. I suppose we have to deal with nefarious characters to get close to Dethklok.

"Metalocalypse: Dethtroll (#1.4)" (2006)
Senator Stampingston: Dethklok has summoned a troll.
General Crozier: That's impossible, there's no such thing as trolls.
Senator Stampingston: Then how do you explain the dead unicorns?

"Metalocalypse: Dethdad (#2.15)" (2008)
Senator Stampingston: Gentlemen, Toki Wartooth's father is on his deathbed. Our psychological death expert, Dr. Ralphus Galkinsmelter.
Dr. Ralphus Galkinsmelter: Toki Wartooth has become a messenger of death. Everything he touches with his love will die, for he brings death with him like a blackened cloud... hovering... in the cold... night... sky. Like the grim reaper himself, his guitar is his scythe. He cascaaades through the open window of your child's cradle to suck the very life from your baby's breath.
General Crozier: What a load of horse shit.
Dr. Ralphus Galkinsmelter: How dare you, General. You're like a withering toad, eating flies on your lilypad.
Senator Stampingston: Dr. Galkinsmelter, please behave yourself! What does this all mean?
Dr. Ralphus Galkinsmelter: Toki has suppressed his feelings for his father. His death may ignite long-dormant emotions. He will spin out of control into a vortex of madness. He will bring death to us all. He will bring death to us all. Thank you.

"Metalocalypse: Dethkomedy (#1.5)" (2006)
Senator Stampingston: It appears that Dethklok has taken to studying comedy. This is not good, gentlemen.
General Crozier: With all due respect, Senator, how can this mean anything to world economics?
Senator Stampingston: It means everything. It's true that comedy has been no threat to us over the last fifteen years, but with Dethklok in the mix, they threaten to excite a field of entertainment we all know to be dead. Gentlemen: our comedy specialist, Dr. Donald Gorfield.
Dr. Donald Gorfield: Well, the people of the world are depressed and stupid. They look to comedy to lighten the load of their boring, dreadful lives. These idiots have been force-fed garbage from our own secret cable networks and our own employees covering as high-profile standup and sketch comics.
[the Adult Swim, Comedy Central, and MTV logos, as well as cartoon representations of comics like Jay Leno and Larry the Cable Guy, appear on the television screens behind him]
Dr. Donald Gorfield: Should we lose control of this, only God knows what will happen.