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Quotes for
Insp. Joe Dominguez (Character)
from "Nash Bridges" (1996)

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"Nash Bridges: Danger Zone (#3.20)" (1998)
Maria Renaldo: Ever donated spern?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Wait a minute, wait a minute...
Maria Renaldo: Are you my father?

Insp. Nash Bridges: Well, did ya?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Did I what?
Insp. Nash Bridges: Donate sperm.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: I was going out with this girl; her name was Ellie Hunt. She was beautiful, she was smart, she could throw a curve ball.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Ah, killer credentials. Keep going.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Well, she was involved with this experimental fertility program
Insp. Nash Bridges: Huh, weren't we all.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Hey, I never slept with her, I just donated sperm, you know.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Oh, I get it: all thee the obligation with none of the fun, that sort of deal?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Yeah, well, what I figured is if I donated sperm professionally I might, ah, really get to donate sperm later, if you know what I mean.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Oh, ah, I, ah, I do and I'm fascinated. It's truly wonderful to see thee origins of Joe Dominguez logic, way back in its earliest form.

Pepe: I didn't know you two were into chaps & spurs.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Um, Pepe, we're not...
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Ah, save your breath, man - don't confuse him.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Yeah, you're right.

Insp. Nash Bridges: Kiss my grits.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Right here in the window?
[walking up to a store window display]

Insp. Joe Dominguez: Well, I got an update on my sperm.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Come again?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: No need to, they sold it.

Insp. Nash Bridges: Wait - they sold your sperm as an asset?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Yeah? Very funny. Well, you know what that means, don't you?
[as Nash laughs]
Insp. Nash Bridges: I'm afraid to guess.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: I mean, there could be hundreds of little Joe Dominguez's running around out there.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Oh my God. Kind of makes that sheep cloning thing look like a non event.

Pepe: Have you two ever considered a committment ceremony?
[to Nash and Joe, at a wedding]
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Ah, Pepe, you do know my wife, Inger?
Pepe: You're so brave.
[to Inger]

"Nash Bridges: Road Work (#2.13)" (1997)
Insp. Joe Dominguez: You know, if you drive a little slower I might be able to hit something.
[as they are being shot at by a pursuing vehicle]
Insp. Nash Bridges: Yeah? Well, if you'd hit something I might be able to driver a little slower!

Insp. Joe Dominguez: I don't get it - I never had trouble getting a ride, even as a kid. I mean, even when I looked like latino Charles Manson. No problem.

Insp. Joe Dominguez: So, ah, you're gonna let Cassidy drive the cuda?
Insp. Nash Bridges: Yes, I was.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Yeah, but I never get to drive the car. A wonder how that all fits together, doesn't it?
Insp. Nash Bridges: What does?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: You know, you, your car, your whole attitude towards the Dominguez clan.
Insp. Nash Bridges: What are you getting mad about?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Well, you hurt my feelings, all right? I mean, you may not realize it, but J.J. is actually a very decent upstanding young man. You know, God just played a trick on me and put him in a slacker's body.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Joe.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Hey man, looks are very deceiving, you know? I mean, check it out: if Ingrid sized me up on looks alone, would she have married me?
Insp. Nash Bridges: All right, look, I'm going to be honest with you: you know I love J.J., I've always loved that kid. Cassidy, you know Cassidy - she's tough, man; she'll eat J.J. up and spit him out. I'm not going to do that to him. Or to you. I'm serious, man. I'm sorry if I hurt you feelings. I didn't mean to, you know that.

Insp. Nash Bridges: San Fransico, damn it's good to be home, isn't it, bubba?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Shhh, yeah, but next time you ask me to go for a ride through the country, forget it.
Insp. Nash Bridges: What do you mean, you didn't like the fresh air?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Hey, I love the fresh air; it was the bullets flying threw the fresh air I didn't dig.

Insp. Joe Dominguez: J.J., hey son, where are you pants?
[entering Lisa's place wto find Cassidy with J.J. and J.J. standing there in underwear]
J.J.: Hey, dad.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Yeah, where are you pants?
[in a not so pleased tone]

"Nash Bridges: Moving Target (#2.21)" (1997)
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Hey, Bettina, I haven't seen you since you got fired from the S.I.U.; heard you moved to Vegas.
Rick Bettina: I didn't get fired, I was downsized.

Insp. Joe Dominguez: Can't we go anywhere without chicks hitting on you?
[after a girl gives Nash her number]
Insp. Nash Bridges: Chicks don't hit on me.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Please, have you had an eye exam lately?
Insp. Nash Bridges: Stop it.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: I'd like to be able to flirt every once in a while.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Well, then, do it. There's no harm in it; you're married, not dead.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Are you kidding, man? I'm branded. That is chick repellant right there.
[holding out his hand and showing off his wedding ring]

Rick Bettina: You know, Nash, I used to be a fearedand respected cop in this town, remember?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: I don't know about the respected part, but I was sure afraid every time I went out with you.

Insp. Nash Bridges: Bubba, I am only going to say this five or six hundred more times: tell her the truth.
[refering to Ingrid]
Insp. Joe Dominguez: I can't tell her the truth.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Why not?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Because I want to stay married, that's why.

"Nash Bridges: Rampage (#2.19)" (1997)
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Huh. That poster looks just like your daughter, bubba.
[motioning to a buss aside then that has a poster plastered on the side of her wit ha banner that says "Sex is Good. Safe Sex is Better."]
Insp. Nash Bridges: That is my daughter.

Insp. Joe Dominguez: You know, I wonder if Ingrid and I are gonna have, a little boy or little girl. You know what I mean? with a little boy you can, you know, kind of initiate him into the club, you know? With a little girl I think you spend most of your time kind of pretecting her from the club, you know?
Insp. Nash Bridges: Oh, bubba - you are not wrong there.

Insp. Nash Bridges: Okay, where is she?
[refering to Cassidy]
Lisa Bridges: She stormed off to the library
Insp. Nash Bridges: Oh, she stormed off? And just what is it she has to be agnry about?
Lisa Bridges: Apparently she didn't like it when I found her condoms.
Insp. Nash Bridges: What condoms?
Lisa Bridges: The ones she plans to use when she and Freddie have sex.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Um, you have anything to read?
[looking uncomfortable]
Lisa Bridges: On the coffee table.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: I'll be reading and, um, ease dropping from over here.
[walking to the adjacent living room]
Insp. Nash Bridges: I don't believe this.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Should have had a boy, Nash man. Probably be buying him condoms yourself.
Lisa Bridges: That's true.
[kind of laughing]
Insp. Nash Bridges: That is not true! That is not true.

Insp. Joe Dominguez: See anything?
Insp. Nash Bridges: Yeah, there's a sale on Pauli Shore movies.

"Nash Bridges: Bear Trap (#6.11)" (2001)
Insp. Harvey Leek: What the hell is he doing?
[as Jack climbs a tree]
Joe Dominguez: I don't know, Harv', haven't you ever had the urge to climb a tree?
Insp. Harvey Leek: Not lately, no.

Joe Dominguez: Look, I want the truth - the whole truth; the real story, okay?
Jack Noon: Okay, I'll tell you.
Joe Dominguez: All right.
Jack Noon: When I was four I went on a fishing trip with my parents. Man dad had his own plane. We ran into a storm. We crashed. My mom and dad died in the crash. I wouldn't have survived the first night unless they found me.
Joe Dominguez: The La-LaFoote's?
Jack Noon: No, no - LaFoote's come later. Canadian black mama bear. She took me in, kept me alive, she raised me as one of her own cubs. 'til the day they showed up.
Joe Dominguez: Oh, who? Goldie Locks and Papa Bear?
Jack Noon: The LaFoote's. They murdered my new mama and her cubs, they brought me back to civilization. If you want to call this civilized. Dumped me at a hardware store in Kamloops. I spent twenty-five years hunting down the LaFoote's. You wanna know what's driving me, joe? That's what's drivin' me.
Joe Dominguez: That's, ah, quite a story.
Jack Noon: Yep.
Joe Dominguez: I had a similar experience.
Jack Noon: Oh yeah?
Joe Dominguez: Yeah. I was, ah, raised by a burrito.

Nash Bridges: I'm gonna tell you what - you round up even half the names on that list, that list that constable Jack Noon rounded up for you, they're likely to make you Prime Minister.
Joe Dominguez: They might even give you a plaque.
Sgt. McKay: Oh, oh a plaque - that's real funny. Let me tell you something: I know exactly what you guys are thinkin': you're thinkin' i'm just some dumb Canup from up north who doesn't know the first thing about the subtleties of a full-on hose job. Yeah. Well, I got news for you: I know exactly when I'm being hosed and I got new for you - I'm being hosed!

"Nash Bridges: Dirty Tricks (#3.12)" (1997)
Insp. Nash Bridges: When was the last time you got too much service from a public utility?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Like never.

Mrs. Lofink: What made you choose the Tuffnel School?
Inger Dominguez: Well, I think -
[Joe cuts her off]
Mrs. Lofink: Well, ah, ah, I think, ah, Mrs. Lofink, that it's very clear as we enter the 12st century that a child needs, ah, a more broader and more challenging culturally diverse education.
Mrs. Lofink: Mr. Dominguez, I-I know what you are saying.
[putting a hand up]
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Really? Oh, well, thank you.
Mrs. Lofink: It's all right here in the Tuffnel School brochure. Verbatim.
[raising an eyebrow]

Insp. Joe Dominguez: Wasn't there a guy named Lofink in Hitler's cabinet?

"Nash Bridges: Promised Land (#2.11)" (1996)
Insp. Bryn Carson: I dated a shrink once.
Insp. Evan Cortez: Yeah, so did I.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Oh, yeah? Well maybe it was the same guy.

Insp. Joe Dominguez: So, I had this dream the other night, right? And in this dream I get save from drowning... by David Hassellhoff. Is that normal?
Shrink: It could mean many things.
[off screen]

Insp. Joe Dominguez: Anybody ever tell you you're really ugly? No, I mean that. I mean butt-ugly. Okay, have it your way...
[trailing off and becoming unintelligable as he speaks to a dead suspect in a police crusier trying to fool another suspect]

"Nash Bridges: Hit Parade (#2.10)" (1996)
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Ah, you wanna handle this one?
Insp. Nash Bridges: I don't know. A man on a cable car with a set of wings holding a hand granade... this is your thing, isn't it?

Angel: You realize what just happened?
Insp. Nash Bridges: Yeah - somebody's trying to kill us.
[as they all hide behind a car from a rooftop assassin]
Angel: I found you just like I was supposed to.
Insp. Nash Bridges: What? What the hell you talking about?
Angel: I'm your guardian angel.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Oh, great - we could use one.
Angel: I said I was his guardian angel; you, you'e on your own.
[to Joe]

Insp. Nash Bridges: Freeze, bubba, right there!
[as a suspicious man pushing an icecream cart approaches then, after just earlier missing multiple assassins]
Vendor: Who? Me?
[after reaching down into the cart]
Insp. Nash Bridges: You. Take it out real slow.
Vendor: If you don't want cherry, I got rootbeer.
[after pulling out a popsicle]
Insp. Nash Bridges: No, I'll take cherry.
[after putting his gun down]
Insp. Joe Dominguez: I'll take rootbeer. Unless you got a fudgesicle.

"Nash Bridges: Crosstalk (#5.9)" (1999)
Nash Bridges: Ha! You were snorin'!
Joe Dominguez: Oh, me? I was awake, I heard everything you said. If you don't believe me, repeat it and I'll tell ya.

Nash Bridges: Any thoughts?
[asking the crew]
Joe Dominguez: Huh?
[after not paying attention]
Nash Bridges: Thoughts. you know, those things that happen in, ah, the brain when synapsis fire? We sometimes use them to solve cases.

Nash Bridges: Speak.
Joe Dominguez: I've been having dreams. About Caitlin.
Nash Bridges: What kind of dreams?
Joe Dominguez: Erotic dreams.
Nash Bridges: I can understand that.
Joe Dominguez: Man, I'm afraid to go to sleep at night
Nash Bridges: All right. You want the Freudian cure, the Noonian cure, or the Bridgian cure?
Joe Dominguez: What ever works.
Nash Bridges: You're not really dreaming about Caitlin at all.
Joe Dominguez: I'm not?
Nash Bridges: No. You're actually dreaming about me. But since you can't consciously accept your blatant homo erotic urges while your wife is out of town, you take my girlfriend and put her in as a substitue.
Joe Dominguez: Are you high?
Nash Bridges: Ha ha! Well, just think about that when you go to bed. I gurantee you those dreams will be history.

"Nash Bridges: Impostors (#4.2)" (1998)
Insp. Nash Bridges: Stop thinking.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: I didn't say a word.
Insp. Nash Bridges: You didn't have to; I can hear you in my head.

Insp. Joe Dominguez: What do you want to do?
Insp. Nash Bridges: What do you mean waht do I want to do? I want to shoot him!
[as he and Joe avoid Eldon whipping a long chain at them]
Eldon Sistrunk: Go ahead, shoot!
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Ah, paper work.

Insp. Nash Bridges: Hello, gentlemen. I'm back and welcoem to the show.
[as Eldon and Big Tiny as sat at the table]
Big Tiny: What show?
Insp. Nash Bridges: It's a game called: I'm Smarter Than He Is.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Um, and how do we play our game, Nash?
Insp. Nash Bridges: I'm glad you asked that, Joe, it's a game of skill and knowledge. I'm going to ask a series of questions...
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Questions? What questions?
Insp. Nash Bridges: I'm glad you asked that. The categories are: Binx, Frankie, Bail and Potpourri.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: And what lovely prizes do we have?
Insp. Nash Bridges: Well, our lucky first-place contestant gets a full pardon for his willing participation. But our loser won't go away empty-handed either, no sir-ree-Bob; he'll hang like wall paper for the rest of his natural life in San Quentin.

"Nash Bridges: Lady Killer (#3.19)" (1998)
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Dead girl in bed with Bettina? Has to be a suicide.

Insp. Nash Bridges: Bettina is a sex-o-holic? I don't know whether to feel sorry or proud.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: I'm feeling nauseated.

Insp. Nash Bridges: You wanna tell us about your sexual addiction or anything else you conveniently left out? Because this could be our last meeting.
[meeting Rick in jail]
Richard Bettina: Okay. For some reason picking up women is something I'm good at. I'm not proud of it.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: These are Earth women we're talking about, right?
Richard Bettina: Believe me, I don't understand it either. Lately its become a real obsession with me. You know, with this group its good; it's all about anxiety and self esteem.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Rick, you know that sexual addiction is exactly the kind of motive that Birdsong is looking for.
Richard Bettina: I know, I know! How am I going to tell you this? What am I going to say? 'Hey, Nash! I have to have sex four or five times a day. If I don't get it, I go crazy!'. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to go crazy even if I do get it.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Four or five times a day?
Richard Bettina: You wouldn't even believe the bars I've been to, the kinky clubs, swinging singles parties...
Insp. Joe Dominguez: We're defining "Day" as a twenty-four hour period day?

"Nash Bridges: Wild Card (#2.22)" (1997)
Barry Chen: If you want to find Tiger, this is where you'll find him.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: This is a marijuana club.
Barry Chen: I know. Totally legal under prop 215 as long as you have a valid medical excuse.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: For what?
Barry Chen: Weed. Pot. Dope. Marijuana. Grass.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: No, I mean what's wrong with you?
Barry Chen: Oh! Depression.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Depression?
Barry Chen: Yeah, I get really depressed when I'm not getting stoned.

Barry Chen: I can probably get him to set you up.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Actually, I stopped smoking pot years ago.
Barry Chen: Oh no? What's your drug of choice now, man?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Uh, Rogaine.
Barry Chen: Rogaine? What's that? Do you snort it?

Dr. John Joseph: How are you doing Barry?
Barry Chen: Eh listen, this is my good friend ehm... Sorry, what's your name again?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Eh, Joe.
Barry Chen: Joe, this is Joe.

"Nash Bridges: Vendetta (#4.21)" (1999)
Joe Dominguez: We're gonna ring your bell, dumbass.

Nash Bridges: Ah, bubbba...
[seeing Joe put a beaded cuhion cover over the passenger seat]
Joe Dominguez: Ah, don't ask.
Nash Bridges: I'm afraid I already did.
Joe Dominguez: It's supposed to keep my sperm count high, you know?
Nash Bridges: Oh, God, I wish I hadn't asked.
Nash Bridges: The invasion of Normandy wasn't this well planned.
Nash Bridges: Inger's really working the calendar, huh?
Joe Dominguez: Working it? she's going everything wired to her basal temperature. I'm gonna beep when she's ready. Eh, it will be like hte old days, you go six, seven times a night, you know?
Nash Bridges: Get the f - when did you go six... never mind.
Joe Dominguez: Hey, I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm better once than I ever was.
Nash Bridges: Say that again?

Inger Dominguez: Joe, I'm not ovulating anymore.
Joe Dominguez: Don't have to ask me twice.

"Nash Bridges: Touchdown (#3.22)" (1998)
Insp. Nash Bridges: Well... well, well... thirteen-ton truck doesn't just vanish.
[speaking of an armored bank truck]
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Well, if it was a U.F.O. at least we know they're here for our money, not our women.

Insp. Joe Dominguez: You're serious?
Insp. Nash Bridges: As scurvy.

Insp. Joe Dominguez: I can't believe how lucky you are.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Ah, it isn't luck if you can do it consistantly.

"Nash Bridges: One Flew Over the Cuda's Nest (#3.4)" (1997)
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Doesn't it feel great to be sane?
[after arresting a man dressed up and pretending to be Dr. Watson]
Insp. Nash Bridges: Who said you were sane?

Insp. Joe Dominguez: I thought you said she was cute.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Bubba, eighteen years ago we were all cute.

"Nash Bridges: High Society (#5.5)" (1999)
Joe Dominguez: Any questions? Boz.
[to his class]
Boz Bishop: So this fellow over there paid you to break into his own office? Damn. That's whack, jack.
Joe Dominguez: Yes, it's, ah, way whack.

Joe Dominguez: Ah, Boz, you don't get credit for unraveling something you caused.

"Nash Bridges: Power Play (#4.20)" (1999)
Nash Bridges: What's up?
Joe Dominguez: Well, Inger wants Lucia to grow up with a sibling.
Nash Bridges: She wants another baby?
Joe Dominguez: Apparently so.
Nash Bridges: Ahhh, and your thoughts on this are?
Joe Dominguez: Ah, well, I've been letting nature take its course, but, ah, Inger hasn't gotten pregnant yet, so she wants to step up the pace.
Nash Bridges: Ah, what does that mean? More sex?
Joe Dominguez: I don't know, turbosex maybe, hell if I know.

Dr. Christie Barnes: Here's the size of the contusion. It's legitimate.
[putting up an X-Ray of Tony B's head]
Joe Dominguez: So, you're saying this X-Ray of Tony B's brain is to scale?

"Nash Bridges: Skin Trade (#5.12)" (2000)
Joe Dominguez: How far now?
[jogging as Nash drives along side him]
Nash Bridges: Three quarters of a mile.
Joe Dominguez: How fast am I going?
Nash Bridges: Ah, I don't know - it's not registering on the spedometer.
Joe Dominguez: Nothing?
Nash Bridges: Well, either thye car's too old or you are, bubba.

Nash Bridges: I didn't happen to say anything stupid yesterday, when I got back from the dentist, did I?
[after being doped up for a tooth extraction]
Joe Dominguez: Well, oh wait, ah, you proposed to Ronnie.
Nash Bridges: Good. What did he say?
Joe Dominguez: Ah, he wouldn't sign a pre-nup'.
Nash Bridges: Well, forget it then.

"Nash Bridges: Curveball (#5.6)" (1999)
Richard Bettina: No, no, I am the Director of Police Investigations.
Joe Dominguez: Oh yeah, D-O-P-I - DOPI.

Nash Bridges: Any word from Harvey and Evan?
[Rick listens to a tape recorder he hide to record Nash and Joe]
Joe Dominguez: No, not yet. Hey Nash, man - you think Rick's a switch hitter?
Nash Bridges: Bettina? How do you mean?
Joe Dominguez: Well, do you think he goes both ways?
Nash Bridges: Ah, no idea; why?
Joe Dominguez: Well, you know, with Inger out of town I'm kind of free to sow some wild oats and I'm thinking Rick might make for a wild romp in the hay. What do you think, Rick? You up to that?

"Nash Bridges: El Diablo (#5.14)" (2000)
Joe Dominguez: Hum, I've seen this before, Nash man, temporary Agoraphobia.
[after Box refuses to leave his place after a dead body nearly falls on him fro ma high rise]
Boz Bishop: Damn straight - half my wordrobe's Angora.

Joe Dominguez: You don't get it, do you? I'm the last friend you got!
[to Evan]

"Nash Bridges: Shake, Rattle & Roll (#3.3)" (1997)
Insp. Nash Bridges: I'm sorry, chief, I cannot listen to that any longer.
[pulling out the tape of baby songs for Joe's baby]
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Hey, hey, hey, be careful with that, man. You know how hard it is to find baby music on 8-track?

Pepe: What are you doing here?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: My baby is missing.
Pepe: Check your hands, Joe.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Oh, no, no, not this baby, my baby. What happened was somebody from your department came down and was supos-suposed to pick up two babies and accidently walked off with my baby, too.
Pepe: Well, congratulations. I didn't realize you and Nash had adopted. I... I think that's very corageous.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: No, no, it's not Nash's baby, it's mine and Ingrid's; you know Ingrid, my wife?
Pepe: You still have sex with women?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Occasionally, Pepe.

"Nash Bridges: Inside Out (#2.14)" (1997)
Insp. Harvey Leek: Hey! Somebody want to let us out of here? We're police officers - we don't belong here!
[prisoners shout and laugh]
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Shut up! That's not an asset in here!
[as they sit in the hole in prison]

Insp. Joe Dominguez: Harvey?
[as they sit in the dark in the hole in prison]
Insp. Harvey Leek: Hey, Joe. We gotta get out of here.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: No kidding. One ittle problem: it's a maximum security prison, remember?
Insp. Harvey Leek: I'm claustrophobic, remember?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Hey, don't worry, they'll come back. They got to come back to kill us.
Insp. Harvey Leek: That's comforting.

"Nash Bridges: Out of Chicago (#2.20)" (1997)
Insp. Nash Bridges: But she does make the crime page.
[refering to Karen]
Insp. Evan Cortez: Oh, yeah, she does.
Insp. Nash Bridges: That's good.
Insp. Evan Cortez: Yeah, she catches a lot of bad guys; big-time gang leaders, drug dealers, that kind of thing.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: so, she's a good cop, huh?
Insp. Evan Cortez: Yeah, in Chicago she's like a female version of you.
[to Nash]
Insp. Joe Dominguez: No wonder I thought she was so sexy.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Oh, baby.
[to Joe]

Isiah: Well, she don't look like a cop. She looks like a super model.
[refering to Karen, looking at them through a hole in the door]
Insp. Joe Dominguez: She's Cindy Crawford. As a matter of fact, we're all super models. Come on, man, open the door.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Yeah, open it up - we're late for an S.I. swinsuit shoot.

"Nash Bridges: Kill Switch (#5.10)" (1999)
Nash Bridges: Okay, all right. Now we've witnessed the world's first doughnut wind tunnel test, what the hell does it mean?
Joe Dominguez: Nash, man, clear you mind; get ready for a life-altering concept, okay? Doughnuts online.

Joe Dominguez: So, what are we talking about bottom-line price here?
Armin: One dollar.
Joe Dominguez: A dollar? For a dozen? That's great.
Armin: You misunderstand, that's, ah, one dollar a piece.
[after laughing breifly]
Joe Dominguez: Ah, you must misunderstand me - we're talking about doughnuts.
Armin: I don't make doughnuts, Mr. Dominguez, I make morning pasteries.

"Nash Bridges: Warplay (#4.8)" (1998)
Joe Dominguez: Rock on, gentlemen.

Richard Bettina: Dominguez, I was just thinkin' since Nash here essentially solved my case even though he wasn't working on it, I'm essentially not going to pay you your full fee. What do you think about that?
Joe Dominguez: Well, ah, the next time you two decide to stab me in the back, call out my name - I could turn around and you can get me in the heart.

"Nash Bridges: Crossfire (#3.13)" (1998)
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Cassidy?
Insp. Nash Bridges: Yeah, she wants me to meet Paul. This is definitively a first.
[ater haging up his cellphone]
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Must be getting serious.
Insp. Nash Bridges: She's nineteen!
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Ah, weren't you engaged at nineteen?
Insp. Nash Bridges: Don't push my buttons.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: But I'm so good at it.

Insp. Joe Dominguez: Well, the deal is you had no business telling her she can't go to New York.
Insp. Nash Bridges: I don't give a damn if she goes to New York - that's not my concern.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Okay, what is your concern then?
Insp. Nash Bridges: Didn't you ntice something special about Paul?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Seemed like a nice kid. Smelled good. What?
Insp. Nash Bridges: He's gay.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: What?
Insp. Nash Bridges: He's gay!
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Come on.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Oh, come on man. He used the word "Fabulous" about ten thousand times and he has this unbalanced love for musicals, and, um, and how about his hair? Did you see his hair?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: He has gay hair?
Insp. Nash Bridges: Oh, man. Ah, how about the way he checked out the waiter?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: So what? It was a hot-looking waiter. Hey, I checked him out, too; that doesn't make me gay does it?
Insp. Nash Bridges: I cannot believe you didn't get this.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Nash, man, it's San Francisco, man, who can tell anymore? I mean, straights dress like gays, gays dress like straights, you know?
Insp. Nash Bridges: I grew up in San Francisco, bubba; I can tell you if a person is gay in about half a second.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Well, people think we're gay.
Insp. Nash Bridges: No, people don't think we're gay, Pepe thinks we're gay.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Yeah, well, he's gay so he should have pretty good Gaydar, right?
Insp. Nash Bridges: Oh, that's pretty good.
[a little sarcastically]
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Oh, thank you.
Insp. Nash Bridges: But I can't tell you about anybody else's equipment, I can tell you that that guy is gay.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Should make him the perfect travel companion then.

"Nash Bridges: 'Til Death Do Us Part (#2.2)" (1996)
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Look at them, you'd think they'd never seen a Mexican in a space suit before.

Insp. Joe Dominguez: Just out of curiosity, doctor, what are thee, ah, symptoms of this infection?
[after having been possibly infected by a deadly virus]
Lab Technician: After seventy-two hours you get rapidly-rising fever, mental disorientation, um, accumulation of fluid in the lungs, ah, disintegration of the neural system, rhennal and colon failure, liquidation on the internation intestinal membranes, and death within thirty-six hours.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Oh, good, you have me worried there for a minute.

"Nash Bridges: Split Decision (#5.7)" (1999)
Joe Dominguez: Are you always right?
Nash Bridges: Only with the stuff that doesn't add to the qaulity to my life.

Joe Dominguez: Oh well, something will work out.
Nick Bridges: Joe, I'm either sixty-nine or seventy years-old and I'm unemployable; all my dreams went up in smoke so long ago I don't even remember what the hell they were. I got four measly grand in the bank. I'm excess baggage, Joe. You tell me that it will all work out?

"Nash Bridges: Found Money (#3.11)" (1997)
Insp. Nash Bridges: What the hell do you want? We're kind of busy?
Richard Bettina: Oh, well, you could say 'Hello' to your new boss.
[tossing a card on Nash's desk]
Insp. Nash Bridges: Director of Police Investigations?
[reading it]
Insp. Joe Dominguez: DoPI?
[Harvey smiles behind him]
Richard Bettina: Okay, Director of Police Investigations; next person to refer to it as 'DoPI' is guranteed an immediate suspecion without pay!

Insp. Joe Dominguez: So, Bettina's our boss? How much does that suck?

"Nash Bridges: Knockout (#2.17)" (1997)
Insp. Joe Dominguez: That was the longest twenty minutes of my life outside my prostate exame.
[taking the dental packing out of his mouth while in the cuda]
Insp. Nash Bridges: 'scuse me - where you you thinkin' on putting that?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: I was thinking the ash tray.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Yeah, well, I'm thinking you wrap it in this until we pass a city trash can.
[handing Joe a piece of tissue paper]

Insp. Joe Dominguez: You okay? Want me to drive?
Insp. Nash Bridges: I'm in shock, I'm not insane.

"Nash Bridges: Ripcord (#3.6)" (1997)
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Man, I wouldn't jump off of her for all the beans in Mexico.
Insp. Nash Bridges: If I had me chasing me? You bet your ass.

Insp. Joe Dominguez: You know, sometimes the rich are really hard to like.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Bubba, what are you gonna do if one of those schemes of yours pays off and you get rich?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Oh, I'll be different.

"Nash Bridges: Girl Trouble (#5.4)" (1999)
Pepe: How's Nash?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Well, ah, he and Caitlin are living together.
Pepe: Really? Back to that again, huh?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Yeah, well, you know Nash.
Pepe: Doesh e honestly think living with a woman is going to change him?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Ah, apparently so.
[humoring Pepe]
Pepe: And you two have what? Ah, an open relationship?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Pepe, ah, we're not together.
Pepe: I'm sorry.

Pepe: Joe, I'm P.
[refering to the handle name of a person Joe thought was a woman he was chatting with online]
Insp. Joe Dominguez: What? Really?
Pepe: Yes. Fate has a very parculiar wya of bringing us together, doesn't it?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Oh... I thought you were a woman.
Pepe: No, no - you were in the man-for-man San Franscio chat room.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Really? I thought I was in the plain old San Franscio chat room.
Pepe: Believe it - I know more than you think. Joe, I'd like to be your special friend. And yes - it might lead somewhere magical. But I can't.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: You can't?
[with some sarcasm]
Pepe: No. your heart will always be with Nash. Twenty years is an eternity in a gay relationship. You two are bonded; you fit.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Look, Pepe, I'm going to tell you for the last time, okay? Nash and I are not together.
Pepe: Look, I know you're going through a hard time, but being with me or a dozen other guys is not going to make it better. It's jsut not.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Okay. Okay, Pepe, look! I'm gay, Nash is gay, the whole world is gay.
[mocking Pepe]
Pepe: Well, no. Just San Franscio.

"Nash Bridges: Superstition (#4.14)" (1999)
Joe Dominguez: So, what do you think? You think you can convert my car back to stock?
Night Mechanic: No problem. A matter of time, that's all. Time is money.
Boz Bishop: Why don't you chill, Mighty Joe bro ham, all right? Look, look, my man Jose here won't even be slicked by no brothers actin' all shady, lookin' to rack 'n' sack the man, all right, you know what I'm saying?
Night Mechanic: No, what are you saying? I speak English, not ebonics.

"Nash Bridges: Firestorm (#4.9)" (1998)
Angel: Sometimes you look, but you do not always see. Good-bye my friend, and happy birthday.
Nash Bridges: Thank you, Angel, bye-bye.
Joe Dominguez: What did that mean?
Nash Bridges: Ah, I have no idea. I think it means that he wants me to get laser eye surgery.

"Nash Bridges: Most Wanted (#3.9)" (1997)
Insp. Nash Bridges: I have fifteen girls here and a stripper.
[to Joe, over a cellphone]
Insp. Joe Dominguez: All right, I'll be right over.

"Nash Bridges: The Great Escape (#2.3)" (1996)
[Joe was working traffic because something with his pension got screwed up]
Lt. A.J. Shimamura: Care to tell us what happened, Joe?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Who cares if his father's a president of the San Francisco bank?
Lt. A.J. Shimamura: Humor me. I care.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Let me get this straight - you pepper-sprayed him for illegal parking?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Yes.
[Nash laughs]
Insp. Joe Dominguez: He came at me. And I exhausted all proper procedures, A.J.
Insp. Nash Bridges: [smirking] I'm sorry I missed that one.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: He comes at me saying he knows Kung Fu and that crap. He went down in flames like a twelve o'clock high.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Oooh, you bad.
[Laughs again]
Insp. Joe Dominguez: And that's when he twisted his knee. The funny thing is, he'll probably get a disabled placard now.
[Nash is now laughing hard]
Lt. A.J. Shimamura: Are you two through yet? The I.R. went straight to the chief. And you, carnal, have the distinction of being the only cop I know of ever to get kicked out of traffic.
[Nash laughs]
Insp. Joe Dominguez: What about my pension? What about my hog? I kinda liked it.
Lt. A.J. Shimamura: Your hog? Forget your Harley!
[Nash laughs]
Lt. A.J. Shimamura: The chief made me take you back.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Oh, no!
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Got anything out at the airport? Unloading/loading that kinda thing?
Lt. A.J. Shimamura: You wish. No. We got you back all to ourselves.

"Nash Bridges: Land Pirates (#6.4)" (2000)
Sister Mary: Ah, captain, sister Victoria's situation is a sublime gift to all mankind and a blessed event. You must not feel ashamed to play the doubting Thomas in all of this.
[speaking of Victoria's claim of immaculate conception]
Nash Bridges: Right.
[nodding and turnign to walk away]
Joe Dominguez: Come along, brother Thomas.

"Nash Bridges: The Web (#2.16)" (1997)
Insp. Nash Bridges: Talk to me first; I'm easier and a hell of a lot cheaper.
[to a suspect]
Insp. Joe Dominguez: I'll vouch for that; he's cheap and easy.

"Nash Bridges: Frisco Blues (#4.23)" (1999)
Joe Dominguez: Skip, if I have a heart attack, my wife's gonna kick your ass!

"Nash Bridges: Jackpot: Part 2 (#5.22)" (2000)
Nash Bridges: I'll tell you what, the next time he calls you, how about you call me?
Vivian Reef: Okay.
[taking Nash's card and and putting it under one of her bikini breast cups]
Joe Dominguez: Ah, if you cant' get a hold of him, give me a buzz.
[watching her put his card away, too as an excuse to look]

"Nash Bridges: Hot Prowler (#4.3)" (1998)
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Nice neighborhood, for a Steven King novel.

"Nash Bridges: Mystery Dance (#4.11)" (1998)
Nash Bridges: Any thoughts?
[to Joe after a car blows up]
Joe Dominguez: Yeah, I bet at first this guy thought he was lucky to even get a parking space.

"Nash Bridges: Angel of Mercy (#4.19)" (1999)
Joe Dominguez: You notice anything different about her?
[speaking of Caitlin]
Nash Bridges: No.
Joe Dominguez: Hum. Maybe it's her hair.
Nash Bridges: Nah.
Joe Dominguez: Maybe her cloths.
Nash Bridges: No.
[after looking behind himself at her]
Joe Dominguez: You didn't notice anything about her, huh?
Nash Bridges: No, I, ah, did notice one thing: she smells good. But that's not new.

"Nash Bridges: 25 Hours of Christmas (#2.12)" (1996)
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Wish I had as good a relationship with my wife as you have with your ex wife.
Insp. Nash Bridges: divorce her.

"Nash Bridges: Skirt Chasers (#1.3)" (1996)
[Joe was working traffic because something with his pension got screwed up]
Lt. A.J. Shimamura: Care to tell us what happened, Joe?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Who cares if his father's a president of the San Francisco bank?
Lt. A.J. Shimamura: Humor me. I care.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Let me get this straight - you pepper-sprayed him for illegal parking?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Yes.
[Nash laughs]
Insp. Joe Dominguez: He came at me. And I exhausted all proper procedures, A.J.
Insp. Nash Bridges: [smirking] I'm sorry I missed that one.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: He comes at me saying he knows Kung Fu and that crap. He went down in flames like a twelve o'clock high.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Oooh, you bad.
[Laughs again]
Insp. Joe Dominguez: And that's when he twisted his knee. The funny thing is, he'll probably get a disabled placard now.
[Nash is now laughing hard]
Lt. A.J. Shimamura: Are you two through yet? The I.R. went straight to the chief. And you, carnal, have the distinction of being the only cop I know of ever to get kicked out of traffic.
[Nash laughs]
Insp. Joe Dominguez: What about my pension? What about my hog? I kinda liked it.
Lt. A.J. Shimamura: Your hog? Forget your Harley!
[Nash laughs]
Lt. A.J. Shimamura: The chief made me take you back.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Oh, no!
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Got anything out at the airport? Unloading/loading that kinda thing?
Lt. A.J. Shimamura: You wish. No. We got you back all to ourselves.

"Nash Bridges: Genesis (#1.1)" (1996)
Lisa Bridges: I thought you were retired, Joe.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: [about Lisa and Nash] Why sit at home and watch Jerry Springer when I can see all that stuff live?

"Nash Bridges: Blackout (#3.5)" (1997)
Insp. Harvey Leek: Now, Larson had contacted you because somebody contacted him about a contract killing, you went undercover as Teddy Malone four days ago, that's the last we heard of you.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Why would I drop out of sight for four days? Not communicate with anybody.
Insp. Joe Dominguez: That we don't know.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Well, hell, that's not like me.
Insp. Harvey Leek: We agree.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Well, damnit, don't let me do that no more!

"Nash Bridges: Missing Key (#5.20)" (2000)
Joe Dominguez: Okay, Nash man, I got a brain teaser for you.
Nash Bridges: What if my brain doesn't want to be teased?
Joe Dominguez: Yeah, yeah, yeah, if you get this right you're a genius, okay? Four families live in a row of houses on the same street; Swiss, Canadian, German and Mexican. They each have one pet: a dog, a parakeet, a goldfish and a cat. But not necessarily in that order.
Nash Bridges: Okay.
Joe Dominguez: All right. Now the MExican family lives left to right between the Swiss and Canadian families, the parakeet and dog's families aren't German, the cat lives two houses away from the parakeet.
Nash Bridges: Ah, you know I only have aboutr four hours of fuel left in this thing.
Joe Dominguez: The Mexican family doesn't own the dog or the cat. The German's house is to the left of the Swiss' house.
Nash Bridges: Ah, is there a question any time in the near future?
Joe Dominguez: All right, here's the question: if the dog doesn't live on either end of the street, which family owns the goldfish?
Nash Bridges: The Canadian family.
Joe Dominguez: How'd you figure that out?
[flipping to another page in the magazine]
Nash Bridges: I used to live on that street.

"Nash Bridges: Swingers (#4.7)" (1998)
Joe Dominguez: 'Wealthy gentlement and very hot latina spit-fire seek equally wild but descrete couple for mid-week trists and week-end romps.' Aren't romps and trists the same thing?
[reading a fake ad placed in an adult swingers magazine]
Nash Bridges: I wouldn't know anything about that atuff.
Caitlin Cross: Trist has a more romantic conotation. You asked.
Joe Dominguez: Tristin' the night away.
Nash Bridges: Damn.

"Nash Bridges: Shoot the Moon (#4.12)" (1999)
Nick Bridges: Time to change your dressing, Nash; pull your pants down.
Joe Dominguez: I think I hyave to be somewhere.

"Nash Bridges: Double Trouble (#6.6)" (2000)
Nash Bridges: Are we supposed to look gay?
Joe Dominguez: Oh, well, on a subliminal level, yeah. I mean, that's been our baseline clientele.

"Nash Bridges: Rip Off (#5.11)" (1999)
Ernie Vesper: I told you, man, you can't hold me - I didn't steal anything!
Joe Dominguez: Ah, look - there's no loopholes in the law for being dumb enough to get jacked at your own robbery, Vesper.
Nash Bridges: Trust us: you're guilty.
Ernie Vesper: No, I don't think so. Could you check with somebody?
Joe Dominguez: Ah, yeah, just a second... ah, Nash?
Nash Bridges: Guilty.
Joe Dominguez: Ah, sorry dude.

"Nash Bridges: Lap Dance (#6.3)" (2000)
Margaret Spencer: Double reed players are notoriously loose.
Joe Dominguez: Really? I didn't know that.

"Nash Bridges: Smash and Grab (#5.3)" (1999)
Insp. Nash Bridges: He took a dive!
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Yeah, right after you hit him.

"Nash Bridges: Downtime (#3.15)" (1998)
Insp. Nash Bridges: What in the hell is this and who put it here, the Russians?
[looking at a coffee machine that dispenses coffee like a soda machine]
Insp. Joe Dominguez: This dispenses the world worst coffee products and Bettina put it here.
Insp. Nash Bridges: The man has got to be stoppped.

"Nash Bridges: Truth & Consequences (#5.1)" (1999)
Insp. Nash Bridges: So, how about you and Inger? You off to Swedan tomorrow night?
Insp. Joe Dominguez: Ah, don't bring me down, man, come on. You know, this is the third time we've been to Swedan because her mother is supposedly dying. This woman has been dying since she was born, man. Last time she wasn't supposed to make it through the night, we flew over the pole, got there in the middle of winter, she's out side chopping wood.
Insp. Nash Bridges: Chopping wood?
[still laughing]
Insp. Joe Dominguez: In Swedish.

"Nash Bridges: Goodbye Kiss (#4.24)" (1999)
Joe Dominguez: If I wasn't seeing it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it.
[watching Jake dancing in a dancing class]
Nash Bridges: Hell, I'm seeing it and I still don't believe it.
Det. Jake Cage: Sep back, Bridges, you're in my pattern.
Nash Bridges: Oh, excuse me miss Cage.
Joe Dominguez: Ah, what are you doing, man?
[to Jake]
Det. Jake Cage: I'm trying to better myself, Dominguez. That's probably a foreign concept to you.

"Nash Bridges: Cop Out (#5.16)" (2000)
Nash Bridges: Now that this thing with Caitlin is over, what di you think?
Joe Dominguez: Well, what did I think about her or what did I think about what you thought of her, or you and her as a couple? What?
Nash Bridges: All of the above.
Joe Dominguez: I don't know. No repercussions, no, ah, no comebacks just because you don't like what I say?
Nash Bridges: It's a total freebie. Shoot.
Joe Dominguez: Okay, well. I thought, well, she's very beautiful but aloof, you know? Not the kind of person you form a lasting relationship with, but, ah, I know you were infatuated with her because she's just the kind of puzzle you like to solve. Of course everybody knew you two were wrong for each other right from the start; it was a surprise it took you so long to realize it.
Nash Bridges: Ah huh, so, ah, you didn't give us a chance from the beginning, huh?
Joe Dominguez: Well, I gave you more of a chance than Harvey did.
Nash Bridges: Harvey?
Joe Dominguez: Actually, Inger likes Caitlin a lot, so she vacillated back and forth.
Nash Bridges: Inger, too, huh?
Joe Dominguez: Yeah. Actually, it was Ronnie who figured it out right from the beginning; he's the one who said it was doomed from the start. You know, he's a lot more insightful then people give him credit for. Hey, you asked.
Nash Bridges: Right from the beginning, huh?
Joe Dominguez: Yeah. Pretty much day one.
Nash Bridges: Damn, that's cold, man.

"Nash Bridges: Get Bananas (#5.8)" (1999)
Joe Dominguez: Ah, I think you're up, bubba.
[after aking Bananas for the keys and Bananas puckers his lips up]
Nash Bridges: No, no, no. I'm not kissing hte monkey in exchange for the keys. I'd rather go to Africa. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, no, no, no, no - I didn't mean that, no, just kidding; it was jus-just a little joke. All right. You're the only monkey I've ever had feeligns for. Come on, bring me the keys. Come on, bring me the keys. Come on, be a good boy and bring me the - yeah! Good boy, good -
[after Bananas appears to be offended, then puckers up again]
Joe Dominguez: Ah, I think he wants his kiss first.
Det. Jake Cage: I won't tell Caitlin if you don't.
Nash Bridges: I'm not kissing the monkey.
Joe Dominguez: Come on, man, take one for the team; let him get to first base.

"Nash Bridges: The Tourist (#4.6)" (1998)
Joe Dominguez: So, I guess you violated your own, um, no humma humma in the cuda rule, huh?
Nash Bridges: There was no humma humma in the cuda, it was on the cuda.

"Nash Bridges: The Messenger (#6.9)" (2000)
Joe Dominguez: What am I supposed to do? Get on my knees and beg?
Nash Bridges: That's why God gave you knees, bubba.

"Nash Bridges: Hit and Run (#5.15)" (2000)
Joe Dominguez: Oh, Caitlin, huh? You two still fighting?
[looking over Nah's shoulder reading his e-mail]
Nash Bridges: Why don't I just give you my password, that way you can read my e-mail at your leisure.
Joe Dominguez: Don't get all moody on me just because somebody's trying to kill you.
Nash Bridges: How do you know they're not trying to kill you?
Joe Dominguez: Wanna bet on it?
Nash Bridges: Well, I would, but let's say I'm right: how would I collect?