Sgt. James Doakes
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Quotes for
Sgt. James Doakes (Character)
from "Dexter" (2006)

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"Dexter: There's Something About Harry (#2.10)" (2007)
Dexter Morgan: Why couldn't you just leave me to do my work in peace? Why'd you have to go and ruin everything?
Sgt. James Doakes: You're a killer. I catch killers.
Dexter Morgan: So do I. I caught you...
Sgt. James Doakes: I'm not a killer.
Dexter Morgan: You are. That's why you've always known what I am. That's why you have more officer-related shootings than anybody else. Only I don't *fuck* with you when you shoot somebody. Why couldn't you pay me the same processional courtesy?
Sgt. James Doakes: There's nothing professional about what you do. I kill when I have to, on the job.
Dexter Morgan: Oh, so, it's okay to take a life as long as you get a paycheck for it?
Sgt. James Doakes: The city pays me to keep the law.
Dexter Morgan: I've got news for you Sergeant, my code requires a higher standard of proof than your city's laws. At zero cost to the taxpayer, if you ask me, I'm a bargain.

Sgt. James Doakes: At first I thought the Butcher only went after criminals because nobody gives a goddamn what happens to 'em. But now... Now, I think you have a conscience.
Dexter Morgan: Of course I have a conscience. I left you a place to shit, didn't I?
Sgt. James Doakes: [chuckling]
Dexter Morgan: It's a small conscience.

Sgt. James Doakes: Morgan! You don't have to do this! You don't have to kill this man!
Dexter Morgan: This man is a felon, with a body-count. He brought it on himself.
Sgt. James Doakes: Morgan, turn him over to the law.
Dexter Morgan: I live by my father's law!
[fires-up power tool]

[last lines]
Sgt. James Doakes: What Morgan? What now?
Dexter Morgan: I killed my father...

"Dexter: That Night, a Forest Grew (#2.7)" (2007)
Lt. Maria Laguerta: Now I'm on the line, so if you bully Dexter in any way, if you even look at him wrong, I will not be responsible for the fallout. You got it?
Sergeant Doakes: I got it.
Sergeant Doakes: [after a pause] You're backing the fucking freaktard.

Lt. Maria Laguerta: You and Dexter resolve your issues?
Sergeant Doakes: As far as I'm concerned. Why? The bitch come crying to you again?
Lt. Maria Laguerta: No. There's blood work to be done here, and if you can't control yourself, I need to call in another detective.
Sergeant Doakes: I won't say anything to hurt the little girl's feelings.
Lt. Maria Laguerta: God damn it, James, I'm not joking.
Sergeant Doakes: Do I look like I'm laughing?
Lt. Maria Laguerta: No. You don't. I wish you would. You used to.
Sergeant Doakes: Bullshit. I never laughed.

Dexter Morgan: No matter what you try, no matter when, no matter how hard you work, I'll always be a step ahead of you for one simple reason.
Sergeant James Doakes: And what's that?
Dexter Morgan: I own you.

"Dexter: It's Alive! (#2.1)" (2007)
Dexter Morgan: Hey, Sergeant. Thank for supporting the bowling team.
Sergeant James Doakes: Fuck you! Where's my blood report on the Maynard victim? So what's that? A titty site?
Dexter Morgan: Caught me.
Sergeant James Doakes: Bullshit. What the hell were you really doing in here?
Dexter Morgan: The tits are right there.
Sergeant James Doakes: But in ten years, you've never rented a single porn title.
Dexter Morgan: How would you know?

Dexter Morgan: Hey, Sergeant. Thanks for supporting the bowling team.
Sergeant James Doakes: Fuck you.

Sergeant James Doakes: [a hysterical woman runs onto the crime scene and is soon escorted away] Can we please secure this motherfucking crime scene?

"Dexter: Seeing Red (#1.10)" (2006)
Debra Morgan: Dexter, heads up. Bad in there.
Dexter Morgan: Ok.
Debra Morgan: I'm serious!
Dexter Morgan: Ok.
Sergeant Doakes: She's not kidding. It's your wet dream in there.
Dexter Morgan: Okay...

Sergeant James Doakes: Morgan, get your ass over here.
Dexter Morgan: Ass on route.

[Doakes has opened the door to Room 103 at the Marina View Motel and grabs his phone]
Sergeant Doakes: Metro Dispatch, this is Three Henry Eight Eight out at the Marina View Motel. I need uniformed back-up, forensics - fuck it, just send everybody out!

"Dexter: Truth Be Told (#1.11)" (2006)
Sergeant Doakes: That him?
Debra Morgan: Yeah, how do you know?
Sergeant Doakes: Cause you have that stupid ass grin on your face again.

Sergeant James Doakes: You just found out that somebody who's supposed to be your friend is going to live. Does that make you feel anything? Anything at all?
[grabbing Dexter's shoulder]
Dexter Morgan: Take your fucking hand off me
Sergeant James Doakes: Just what I always thought.

"Dexter: Dexter (#1.1)" (2006)
Sergeant Doakes: You give me the fucking creeps, you know that Dexter?
Dexter Morgan: Yeah, I know, sorry about that.

Sergeant Doakes: Fuck you!
Dexter Morgan: Okay. Uh, is there something I can...
Sergeant Doakes: Yeah, you can get me your fucking analysis on the blood spatter on these killings! You think I'm here to invite you to my nephew's briss?
Dexter Morgan: [sarcastic] I didn't know you were Jewish!
Sergeant Doakes: Shut the fuck up and write your report already!

"Dexter: Surprise, Motherfucker! (#7.12)" (2012)
Dexter Morgan: Never jump the fence if you're not willing to face what's on the other side.
Sgt. James Doakes: Where the fuck did you hear that? A friend said it to me in a moment of stress.
Dexter Morgan: Bullshit. You don't have any friends.

Sgt. James Doakes: You don't even walk like a normal person. You glide, like a fucking lizard on ice.

"Dexter: Born Free (#1.12)" (2006)
Sergeant James Doakes: Surprise mutha fucka.

Sergeant James Doakes: There some reason you're not answering your damn phone?
Dexter Morgan: Ambien.

"Dexter: Waiting to Exhale (#2.2)" (2007)
Angel Batista: You want me to knock on some doors?
Sergeant James Doakes: Or maybe some heads?

Sergeant James Doakes: [standing over a victim] Why don't you take a picture, Morgan, it'll last longer.

"Dexter: Circle of Friends (#1.7)" (2006)
Sgt. James Doakes: I swear to Christ, Morgan, after this case, I'm submitting your ass to psychiatric evaluation.
Dexter Morgan: I'm just retracing cast-off patterns, directionality angles.
Sgt. James Doakes: Can you tell us what happened here or not?
Dexter Morgan: It's an execution.
Sgt. James Doakes: Pretty unlikely victim. The kid's an honor student. The editor of his High School Yearbook.

"Dexter: Resistance Is Futile (#2.9)" (2007)
Sergeant Doakes: Jesus Christ, Morgan. Jesus fucking Christ, *you're* the Bay Harbor Butcher!
Dexter Morgan: [calmly] I really hate that name.
Sergeant Doakes: Jesus Christ, man!
Dexter Morgan: [calmly] You already said that.

"Dexter: Father Knows Best (#1.9)" (2006)
Sgt. James Doakes: I saw a gun in the suspect's waistband. I went to question him, and he took off running when he saw me.
Lt. Maria LaGuerta: Angel, you saw all this?
[Angel looks at Doakes almost hesitantly]
Angel Batista: Yeah, I saw
Angel Batista: bolt, and I turned the car around in pursuit.
Lt. Maria LaGuerta: All right, then when you went under the Causeway?
[Dexter approaches them]
Sgt. James Doakes: He took a shot at me. I took cover and returned fire from that corner.
Dexter Morgan: No, not from there.
Sgt. James Doakes: Yeah, from fuckin' right there!
[Angel and LaGuerta look at Doakes, then at Dexter]
Dexter Morgan: Look, if you shot him from there, the blood splatter would go in that direction, but look at the patterns.
Sgt. James Doakes: [angry] You questionin' me? 'Cause I got a lot of questions for you!
Angel Batista: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, the man's just doing what he's supposed to do.
Sgt. James Doakes: The man is a fuckin' creep job!
Lt. Maria LaGuerta: [placatingly] James, just focus on the facts, okay? Now, the D.A.'s Team is ready for you. Are you good?
Sgt. James Doakes: I'm good.
Lt. Maria LaGuerta: Yeah. You're up next.
Dexter Morgan: [amused, to Angel] Sorry, but I didn't invent physics.

"Dexter: Return to Sender (#1.6)" (2006)
Sergeant James Doakes: You've been asking who's been calling. My mom lives here.
Debra Morgan: Did you forget your laundry?
Sergeant James Doakes: She's been on me to stop by for dinner. So I'm stoppin' by. And here's the plan. We go in. We eat. We out before the cheesecake. You got it?
Debra Morgan: I'm, what, your exit strategy?
Sergeant James Doakes: Look, you can stay out here if you want. That gives me a better excuse to leave earlier or... you can come in and have some free food. It's your call.
Sergeant James Doakes: Shit! My sisters are here, too.
Debra Morgan: Fucking family reunion!

"Dexter: Shrink Wrap (#1.8)" (2006)
Sergeant James Doakes: Morgan, what took you so long?
Vince Masuka: Playing "hide the salami" with Mr. Prosthetics?
Debra Morgan: I don't fuck and tell.
Vince Masuka: Since when?
Debra Morgan: Can we go inside? I'm kind of wet.
Vince Masuka: [going to say something witty]
Debra Morgan: Don't!

"Dexter: Left Turn Ahead (#2.11)" (2007)
[first lines]
Dexter Morgan: [narrating] I always thought hardening arteries squeezed the life out of my father. But it was me. Harry gazed into the eye of his creation and saw evil, pure and simple. My evil. It killed him.
Sgt. James Doakes: That shit about your father... you wanna talk about it?
Dexter Morgan: About what? That my life is one tragic mistake?
Sgt. James Doakes: We've all thought that at one time or another. I know I have.
Dexter Morgan: Did you happen to be stuffing a human leg into a garbage bag at that point?

"Dexter: The British Invasion (#2.12)" (2007)
Sgt. James Doakes: [Last word before exploding and die] Motherfucker!

"Dexter: An Inconvenient Lie (#2.3)" (2007)
Sergeant James Doakes: [about Dexter using drugs] I knew there was something wrong with you. The secrets, the sneaking around... Now it all makes sense. A lot of cops have been where you are. The booze, the drugs... makes the job go down easier. Stay clean and stay out of my way, we won't have a problem.
[before leaving, about the tire Dexter rip off]
Sergeant James Doakes: Oh, and you owe me a new Michelin, you motherfucker.

"Dexter: Love American Style (#1.5)" (2006)
[Dexter is daydreaming at a crime scene; soft piano music is playing]
Dexter Morgan: [v.o] I like to pretend I'm alone. Completely alone. Maybe post-apocalypse or plague... Whatever. No-one left to act normal for. No need to hide who I really am. It would be... freeing.
Sergeant Doakes: [Doakes seemingly walks up out of nowhere] Stop grinning like a fucking psycho and get back to work!