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Ellen Pierce (Character)
from "How I Met Your Mother" (2005)
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Ted: [enters the Love Solutions office to find his match-maker Ellen hunched over and despondent; she has failed to match him with the woman of his dreams in 3 days as she promised] Hi, Ellen! I think I want my money back!
Ellen Pierce: I'm a failure! I'm all washed up! I tried everything, Ted! I widened the search parameters. I tweaked the program! Last night I stood out on the street for 5 hours showing your photo to random pedestrians. No takers! Although this transvestite hooker said he/she would do you for half-price because you look like John Cusack and his/hers favorite movie is 'Say anything.'
[She breaks into tears. Ted sees an ice cream carton on the desk in front of Ellen]
Ted: Come on, Ellen! A pint of ice cream? Isn't that a bit of a cliche?
Ellen Pierce: It's full of bourbon.
[gulps it down]
Ted: This isn't hopeless! You're going to find someone for me!
Ellen Pierce: No! I won't! You're going to die alone!
Ted: [said with a forced cheer] I'm not going to die alone! Look at me! I'm bright! I'm attractive. You should go back out there and keep looking!
Ellen Pierce: No! You're never going to find anybody! And every year you're just getting older and it's getting harder and harder!
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