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Quotes for
Donnie Stevens (Character)
from "Even Stevens" (1999)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Even Stevens: A Very Scary Story (#2.13)" (2001)
Principal Conrad Wexler: Today, we're giving people eye exams.
Donnie Stevens: Oh, could you check mine? Because everytime I look into the sun, I squint.

Ren Stevens: And your little penguin get-up... It's not gonna scare anybody.
Louis Stevens: [Donnie comes in] Oh, really? NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NAH!
Donnie Stevens: AAAAAAAHHH! PENGUIN!
[jumps over the stairs handrail and runs off]

Donnie Stevens: Sorry we're late.
Eileen Stevens: It's kind of hard to see when you don't have your eyeballs.


"Even Stevens: Duck Soup (#2.3)" (2001)
Donnie Stevens: Will you give Uncle Donnie a kiss? Ooh-ooh... Hey, man, for no lips, you kiss pretty good!

Chef Pierre: Zere iss my canard... I've been looking all over for my canard.
Louis Stevens: [to the duck, whom Louis has named Seymour] Hey, don't worry about it, don't be scared. It's just a guy in a big hat looking for his canard.
Ren Stevens: Y'know, I hate to tell you this, but, uh, "canard" is French for duck.
Louis Stevens: So?
Ren Stevens: Seymour is going to be eaten for dinner.
Chef Pierre: [he calls his assistant to bring the knife] Rodney...
Louis Stevens: No, no, you're not, no, I'm sorry, uh, you have a better chance of cookin' me, buddy.
Chef Pierre: Oh, zat can be arranged.
Donnie Stevens: Hey, lookit here, cheffie. Nobody's cookin' my brother or his duck.

Steve Stevens: Good night, Ren.
Ren Stevens: Good night, Donnie.
Donnie Stevens: Good night, Mom.
Eileen Stevens: Good night, Louis.
Louis Stevens: Good night, Seymour.
[the duck quacks]


The Even Stevens Movie (2003) (TV)
Steve: That's my little girl up there!
Donnie: I know, Dad, I'm her brother.

Louis: Hold on. Okay, you know this is boring, and you just wanna go because you broke up with your stupid boyfriend and want to get away.
Ren: And you just wanna stay here and sit on your stupid chair.
Donnie: Do they have cable?
Miles McDermott: Son, the beauty of Mandelino is there is no modern convenience of any kind.
Donnie: Guys, this sounds kinda cool. I mean, I can run on the beach, get into football shape...
Louis: Donnie, come on! You can run here and get in shape here. Please.
Eileen Stevens: You know, Steve, this could be a wonderful family adventure. It could be everything we've been hoping for.
Louis: No, Mom, listen... Listen, here's an adventure: You can stay here at home and give me breakfast and do my laundry, and that'll be an adventure. Dad, come on! Dad, listen. Dad... CAN SOMEBODY PUT A STOP TO THE MADNESS, PLEASE!

Donnie: How could you steal all our food?
Ren: As usual, Donnie, you have everything backwards.
Donnie: ARE YOU CALLING ME STUPID?
Ren: No. I am calling you a liar!
Louis: You guys had to get back at us, huh? Thank you!
Beans: But we got the evidence! How do you explain this, Louis?
Louis: You stole my food... AND MY SHIRT? Gimme that, you little worm-eating...!
Ren: Don't you talk to him like that!
Louis: What, is Beansy your little boyfriend now, Ren?
Ren: You don't have the right to talk! You caused all the trouble and you ate all the food!
Eileen Stevens: Okay, enough. Enough, kids. Stop. You kids shouldn't fight just because your father's trying to teach me a lesson.
Steve: And what would that be?
Eileen Stevens: Look, Steve, I know that you're upset since you've been out of work and that you are trying to prove to Ren and Beans that you can put food in their mouths.
Steve: What?
Eileen Stevens: But couldn't you leave a little something for us?
Steve: Don't twist this around! There wasn't a crumb of food left when we got up there! It's almost like you're trying to make me look bad!
Eileen Stevens: Now you are losing it.
Steve: DON'T TELL ME I'M LOSING IT!
Eileen Stevens: Don't you yell in front of my family!
Steve: IT'S MY FAMILY TOO!
Louis: Hold on, hold on. Mom, we don't need them. We don't need them! We'll be fine on our own, thank you.
Ren: Oh, really? Well, you can sleep out in the rain tonight!
Louis: WE CAN AND WE WILL!


"Even Stevens: Leavin' Stevens (#3.22)" (2003)
News Anchor: In a stunning and dramatic reversal, a recount has snatched victory away from state senator Eileen Stevens, and by a scant 17 votes, has given the vacant congressional seat to Charles Nuck.
Louis Stevens: My tape!
Ren Stevens: My friends!
Steve Stevens: My job!
Donnie Stevens: My coach!
Eileen Stevens: My seat!

Eileen Stevens: [standing with her family, speaking to the press] I just look forward to being your voice in Congress. And my family and I will be moving to Washington immediately, so you can rest assured that I will be on the job, 24/7.
Louis Stevens: We're moving to Washington?
Ren Stevens: Hello! Mom's in Congress now. Congress is in Washington.
Donnie Stevens: Since when?


"Even Stevens: Broadcast Blues (#2.6)" (2001)
Dr. Henri LaGrange: Hello! I'm Dr. Henri LeGrand. And welcome to "Look Smart - Be Smart!". The video that teaches you to appear intelligent.
Donnie Stevens: Needo!
Dr. Henri LaGrange: Are you tired of being an airhead?
Donnie Stevens: Totally.
Dr. Henri LaGrange: Do you want to be respected for your brain?
Donnie Stevens: Yes.
Dr. Henri LaGrange: Are you talking to the television right now?
Donnie Stevens: [pauses] No.

Ren Stevens: You were right about Cynthia. You know, that was very insightful of you.
Donnie Stevens: [laughs nervously] That's like smart, right?
Ren Stevens: Oh, very much.


"Even Stevens: Tight End in Traction (#2.20)" (2002)
Louis Stevens: You're knocking the stuffing out of my mattress!
Donnie Stevens: We're trying to, baby!

Donnie Stevens: Beans, get out of here.
Beans: Say that again, and I'm out!


"Even Stevens: What'll Idol Do? (#1.4)" (2000)
Donnie Stevens: I have no idea what's going on here. I'm gonna go in the kitchen where the world makes sense.

Donnie: Hey Ren? Jewel's on the phone.
Ren Stevens: I told you to hold my calls.
Donnie: She is on hold. Duh.


"Even Stevens: Raiders of the Lost Sausage (#3.7)" (2002)
Steve Stevens: Is anyone listening here? We have a problem! Does this kid expect us to support him every time he comes up with a new scheme?
Donnie Stevens: Dad... You don't have to believe in what Louis is doing. You just have to believe in Louis.

Donnie Stevens: You don't have to believe in what Louis is doing. Just believe in Louis. You don't have to believe in what Louis...
Steve Stevens: I heard you the first time. Finish your eggs.


"Even Stevens: Love and Basketball (#2.9)" (2001)
Eileen Stevens: Donnie. Are you still angry that Louis canceled the team practice?
Donnie Stevens: Who's Louis?

Donnie Stevens: [Louis runs a floor-waxer on the court during the Dingoes basketball practice] Louis!
Louis Stevens: Yeah, bro?
Donnie Stevens: What are you doing here?
Louis Stevens: Oh, well, I'm helping out Gus, the Janitor. I always get bored during that odd hour between detention and dinner.


"Even Stevens: Heck of a Hanukkah (#1.15)" (2000)
Donnie Stevens: Ren, hurry. My tummy has a... headache.

Donnie Stevens: You don't know how it's like to be related to somebody who's perfect at everything they do.
Louis Stevens: Actually, I do.
Donnie Stevens: Really?
Louis Stevens: Yeah.
Donnie Stevens: How do you deal with it?
Louis Stevens: Well, it's hard, but I think you gotta focus on your own good qualities, you know.
Ren Stevens: We don't have any.
Donnie Stevens: Ride! RID Silenti. Ride.
Ren Stevens: Right!
Louis Stevens: See? That's good. That's... yeah.
Ren Stevens: I can spit. REALLY far!
Louis Stevens: Woah!
Donnie Stevens: Yes.
Ren Stevens: Yeah, just like...
Louis Stevens: Yeah. And the fact that you guys care so much about each other, you know, that's good too. I mean, I wish my brother and sister cared about me as much as you care about each other.


"Even Stevens: The Kiss (#3.1)" (2002)
Donnie Stevens: You're eight years old, right?
Beans: Yeah. So?
Donnie Stevens: Okay, so you must be crying at least once every day?
Beans: Half the time, I fake it.

Eileen Stevens: Ren, I remember you saying that if you could touch just one person, it would make it all worthwhile.
Ren Stevens: Really. Well, who did I touch?
[Eileen steps aside, which exposes Donnie crying]
Donnie Stevens: [quoting a line from Ren's play which obviously has moved him] 'When his eyes are open, when when his eyes are closed.' That's all the time!


"Even Stevens: Where in the World Is Pookie Stevens? (#3.2)" (2002)
Ren Stevens: It's Mr. Pookie, he's back!
Donnie Stevens: I can't believe he found his way home!


"Even Stevens: Sibling Rivalry (#2.15)" (2001)
Donnie Stevens: Do you wanna come to my date with me to translate?
Nelson Minkler: You want me to come to your date with you? But what if she says something, you know, personal?
Donnie Stevens: Uh... Well, you can still translate, just plug your ears.


"Even Stevens: My Best Friend's Girlfriend (#3.3)" (2002)
Donnie Stevens: Are you kidding, Mr. Wexler? I had a foolish dream that somebody one day would name a bunch of fake rocks after me.


"Even Stevens: Band on the Roof (#3.5)" (2002)
Donnie Stevens: [to Eileen and Steve] It's Louis and Ren! I think they're getting along.
[in the rockumentary]
Donnie Stevens: It was the sweetest thing. I mean, I wanted to hug them, but I didn't wanna ruin my hair.


"Even Stevens: Wild Child (#2.11)" (2001)
Donnie Stevens: Hey, Nelson... Why do you want to learn how to fight?
Nelson Minkler: Well, because my mouth keeps writing checks my fists can't cash.
Donnie Stevens: What?
Nelson Minkler: I'm a hothead. Literally. Feel my head.


"Even Stevens: Uncle Chuck (#2.17)" (2001)
Steve Stevens: Mrs. Stevens? This is your husband. Why don't you step outside and see what daddy bought?
Donnie Stevens: Please be convertible.
Ren Stevens: A red one with leather seats.
Donnie Stevens: Who cares, as long as it's not a...
[sees the car]
Donnie Stevens: Mini...
Ren Stevens: ...Van.


"Even Stevens: Influenza: The Musical (#2.21)" (2002)
Eileen Stevens: We all wanted to tell you how we feel.
[breaks into song]
Eileen Stevens: They'll be no award, you missed a day of school.
Donnie Stevens: You never should've gotten influenza.
Steve Stevens: It's just an award, it doesn't mean a thing.
Louis Stevens: [hops up onto the counter] I think that we should sing another stanza!
[the family forms a chorus line]
Louis Stevens, Steve Stevens, Donnie Stevens, Eileen Stevens: It's just an award. It's just an award. It's just an award. It's just an award.
[song ends as Ren screams]


"Even Stevens: Model Principal (#3.19)" (2002)
Donnie Stevens: Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Beans: I don't know.
Donnie Stevens: Well, which one do you write with?
Beans: Whatever one that's closer to the pencil.


"Even Stevens: Battle of the Bands (#1.14)" (2000)
Ren Stevens: [Ren is worried because the house is shaking] Donnie, what is going on?
Donnie Stevens: Oh yeah, that's Louis's new band.
Ren Stevens: Lou has a band? He can barely play the radio.