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: It's okay. It's family, music to my ears. Cate Hennessy
: So, where's your family tonight, Carter? Carter Tibbits
: Well, wife number one is in Aspen with my girls. Wife number two went back to Italy with my boys. And wife number four, my current wife, she's vacationing with her mother in Martha's Vineyard. Paul Hennessy
: What about wife number three? Carter Tibbits
: We don't ever talk about wife number three! But I love wife number four. Bridget Hennessy
: You know, aren't you a little young to have all of those wives? It sounds to me like you had some mother issues. Paul Hennessy
: Bridget! Carter Tibbits
: No, no, she may be onto somethin'. You know, when you grow up the eighth of nine kids, sometimes you can get lost in the shuffle.
] Carter Tibbits
: Oh, mama, why didn't you love me?
[Puts his face in his hands and pretends to cry. Paul goes over to comfort him. He points his hands at Paul, revealing that he was faking
] Carter Tibbits
: I know it's hard. But, in order to accept it, you need to say it out loud. That's the first step to recovery. Now repeat after me: "It's not my fault". Say it. Carter Tibbits
: [a second screen pops up with him sitting on the couch in his room
] I can't! Bridget Hennessy
: Come on! Say it! "It's not my fault". Carter Tibbits
: It's not... my... fault. Wife number three... was not... my... fault. Wait a minute! I know whose fault it was! Mama, why didn't you love me?
[He puts his head in his hands. Bridget hangs up the phone
: Oh, my god. What is he doing? Bridget
: I think he's hamsterbating.
: Yeah, you were right. I thought about it and a promise is a promise and I don't want to be mean and lets face it, one date with this geek it'll probably make his entire life.
: [to Jeremy
] I mean, I go to your academic parties and I try to impress you and it's like BUY A VOWEL ALREADY!
: [about Lacey
] Wait, so I'm your rebound to pony girl?
: My life is so unfair, my life is so unfair Jim Egan
: Doesn't she have to pay a royalty to Kerry everytime she says that?
: Bridge? Grandma and Gramps are here. Bridget Hennessy
: Is Dad with them? Kerry Hennessy
: No. Bridget Hennessy
: Well, then I really don't give a damn.
: Mom says I'm ready to drive. Paul
: Mom also thought I was ready for fatherhood.
: [when Bridget breaks her nose, comes down for breakfast
] I am not an animal. Bridget
: Shut Up! Cate
: Rory, are you about done? Rory
: Just about. I am a human... being.
: I'm going to have a long distance, monogamous relationship with my virgin boyfriend just to spite you. Paul
: Alrighty then!
[She sits up
] Bridget Hennessy
] The chips are potato and corn... Cate Hennessy
: [She stands up and knocks a bag over. A flyer falls out that reads "Evergreen - Fresh and Fun"
] Kerry Hennessy
] We rented... Evergreen. I hear it's totally fresh and fun... Cate Hennessy
: [Flashback, reading a flyer
] An overnight stay in a beautility salon... Rory Hennessy
: [Flashback, hanging up the phone
] That's weird. Travis Stevens just invited me over to his house... C.J. Barnes
: [Flashback, sipping a cup of tea
] What do they covet most, Cate? Many, many boys... Cate Hennessy
: Those girls! They are so dead!
[Hops out of the room
: Hello Mary-Kate, hello Ashley.
: When you 'assume', you make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'.
: When you 'presume', you 'press' 'u' to 'me'. OK, that's gross.
: Mom, please don't ground me. Cate
: I won't. Bridget
: Oh wow it really works. Mom, can I have twenty dollars. Cate
: No. Cate
: You're not grounded. You're going to help me with the gardening and cleaning the rain gutters. Bridget
: But what about my nails? Cate
: I guess you'll have to cut them back. Bridget
: [to CJ
] This is all your fault. Bridget
: I figured out what CJ stands for... Benedict Arnold. C.J.
: That would hurt if it made any sense.