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: [looks over the seat at Brother Tony after everyone's clothing has been ripped off
] Oh! So all the snakes weren't driven out of Ireland. Brother Tony
[trying to cover himself
: Snakes. ha ha ha ha
[Mary has just aged 200 years
: Jack, you threw me over for this? This... ugh! I mean I know you like passive women, Jack, but she's half dead. I hope she has a great personality, because this hurts.
[Sharon is flossing her teeth, seemingly unaware of Jack's presence
: Now that I'm dead, I though I'd let you know. You're as cold as a penquin on an iceburg. You're a dwarf. Yeah, clean those choppers so you can chew up the next jerk that comes along. Jack
: [Sharon slaps him
] I'm not dead? Sharon
: No, but if I were you I wouldn't make any long term plans!
: My love, my reason for dying.
: Tonight's the one night I turn to flesh so... what d'ya say to a wee bit o' skelpin', eh? Come on. At least tell me your name.
[He vanishes under the sheet
: [She lifts up the sheet and sees his naked body
] Wow! Martin Brogan
: Oh, really? I've got the best bahookies from here to Ballinderry. Come on, what do you say? Let's give it a twirl, eh? Sharon
: [She drops the sheet and continues filing her nails
] Drop dead. Martin Brogan
: Ooooh, God, what a woman.
: [Jack and Sharon are witnessing Mary and Martin's fatal argument
] This is Mary the ghost, and that's Martin the ghost! They're having problems in their relationship. Sharon
: No, Jack. We're having problems in our relationship!
: That was a dirty trick wasn't it, eh? Eh? Kicking me right in the bahoogies. Sharon
: You were going to stab your wife with a sword, you pig. Martin Brogan
: Ah, sure, that's no big thing. I do it every night. Sharon
: Oh, and I suppose watching other men's wives in the bathtub is no big deal either. Martin Brogan
: [backs Sharon against a wall
] Sure, it's a grand thing if the wife happens to be you.
[leans in for a kiss
: [moves away
] You dirty peeping Tom. Martin Brogan
: My name's not Thomas. It's Martin.
: [after the hotel staff has 'performed', the hall is left in darkness
] Where did they all go? Sharon
: Don't ask. They might come back.