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: [Peter is about to hang himself
] Oh! Taking the easy way out, you naughty boy! Peter Plunkett
: Mother, please! This is not easy, this is very, very difficult!
: All I wanted to be was happily useless, you made me miserably useless.
: [speaking to the ghost of his father in the office
] What did you have to give me this place for? You knew I was an incompetent! All I wanted to be was happily useless. You made me miserably useless. What did you give me this place for?
[starts throwing papers up into the air
] Peter Plunkett
: baths to run, bills to be paid, and then dying on me, just like that! Most people give some warning, you know. Premature senility, angina, gout, bed-ridden for years... but not you. Oh, no, no, no. Healthy as an old goat, you pop off one day in the orchard. And what then? Not a god-damned word, not a whisper? Did it never occur to you I might need some advice?... I missed you Daddy Plunkett Senior
: Aww! Give your daddy a hug...
[goes to hug his father, and falls through him, landing on the floor
] Plunkett Senior
: Oh, sorry. Peter.
: [sees large bricks coming out of the wall behind him as he drinks
] What is going on here? Eamon? Why are chunks of masonry floating about?
: [hanging from the castle awning
] The things I do for you! Peter Plunkett
: [looking on as the bus recklessly drives away
] Deeply appreciated... oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
: [on the phone with Jim Brogan
] Sir, once again I must remind you that my first name is not "dick". Nor is my surname "face". It is simply "Peter". "Peter Plunkett"... No, I was not given a middle name but I'm sure if I had, my mother would not have chosen "shit-for-brains peckerhead"... Well then clearly you know a side to my mother that I have been happily sheltered from. Nevertheless I marvel at your colorfully creative ever so American colloquialism which flow so trippingly from your razor-like tongue!
: If I cannot send your payment, how on earth do you expect to transport an entire castle across the sea? The number of stamps alone is mind boggling!
: Your father's so worried, he's tearing his hair out! Peter Plunkett
: Mother, father has been dead for a decade Mrs. Plunkett
: And what about your grandmother? How do you think she feels? Peter Plunkett
: Mother, grandmother is dead too! Mrs. Plunkett
: She's still upset
: Those of you with nervous dispositions would do well to protect yourself. Lock your windows, bolt your doors, say your prayers, for tonight, they may be walking abroad...
: But there are no bloody ghosts here! Peter Plunkett
: I know, but there will be. We'll invent them!