Howard Cunningham
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Quotes for
Howard Cunningham (Character)
from "Happy Days" (1974)

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"Happy Days: Richie Almost Dies (#5.18)" (1978)
Doctor: Your son is in critical condition. If he comes out of the coma and regains consciousness soon, he should be alright.
Marion Cunningham: IF?
Howard Cunningham: No no Marion, he meant WHEN he comes out of the coma, you meant WHEN didn't you, doc?
Doctor: He had a very bad fall, Mr. Cunningham, we'll just have to wait and see.
Marion Cunningham: Dear God!
Doctor: It's a good thing he was wearing his helmet, it could've been a lot worse.

Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: [to Richie] Hi Red, I'm right here with you.
[to Howard]
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: How is he?
Howard Cunningham: Well he's not very good, Fonzie, but there is a chance.
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Is there anything I can do?
Howard Cunningham: Nothing. Come on, let's go home.

Marion Cunningham: Arthur, it's morning, have you been here all night?
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Yeah I guess I fell asleep, doctor said it was alright though.
Marion Cunningham: Well, you can go home now.
Howard Cunningham: Go home, Fonzie, we'll tell Richie you were here.
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: I don't think I'm going to leave here.
Marion Cunningham: Well Arthur, you just go home now and get some sleep.
Howard Cunningham: Yeah, Marion's right.
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Yeah, you're both right, but I ain't going.

"Happy Days: Smokin' Ain't Cool (#6.17)" (1979)
Marion Cunningham: [the family has found out Joanie smokes and Howard is getting ready to lecture her] Tell her that smoking is a disgusting and filthy habit.
Howard Cunningham: I'll get to that Marion...
Richie Cunningham: ...and it leads to heart disease and lung cancer...
Howard Cunningham: All right Richard...
Marion Cunningham: ...and tell her that kissing someone who smokes is like kissing an ashtray!
Howard Cunningham: yes Mar... How do you know?

Howard Cunningham: We're not talking about cigars Marion!

"Happy Days: The Motorcycle (#3.2)" (1975)
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: [Standing next to a pile of mangled parts that was once his motorcycle] I can't fix this! I may be a mechanic, but I'm not a miracle worker!
Howard Cunningham: Fonzie? It's just a motorcycle!
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: [Calmly] Just a motorcycle, huh Mr. C? Let me tell you a little story. When I was young, I was a complete nerd, okay? I tried everything to be cool. Nothing I tried worked, and then
[walks over to a picture of his bike and takes it off the wall]
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: it came along. It changed my whole life. It's the whole reason for me to live. Just a motorcycle, eh? And I suppose your mother was just a mother?

Marion Cunningham: [Howard went outside to look, and comes back in holding one of the rear-view mirrors from his bike] Where'd you find that?
Howard Cunningham: It fell out of the tree.

"Happy Days: Beauty Contest (#3.21)" (1976)
Howard Cunningham: I don't understand you! How could you do something like that? You know alot of those girls fathers are very upset? I mean they've been calling me up all day long. One of them even threaten to punch me right in the nose! You've embarrassed your whole family, you've made a fool out of yourself, Your gonna be punished for this, you are grounded for two weeks! And for what, a couple of dates? a few good times? Looking at alot of girls in bathing suits, was all that worth it!

"Happy Days: Dance Contest (#3.15)" (1976)
Marion Cunningham: I don't even have to go through with this dance contest! Let's go home.
Howard Cunningham: Yeah. Come on, get your coat, Richie.
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Hey, now, wait a minute! I don't understand something here. I practice all week until I limp home and I gotta soak my feet. I spend 18 dollars and 50 cents on a monkey suit. Two nerds come to my room and lock me in my bathroom and start calling me names. Sherlock Holmes here, chases me and starts yelling at me. Cunningham, he, Cunningham over there, he starts threatening me with physical violence. Shortcake kicks me in the leg. And you wanna go home happy. Well, let me tell you something, you're not going anywhere, lady! THE FONZ WANTS TO DANCE !

"Happy Days: Joanie Gets Wheels (#8.5)" (1980)
Woman: Making your wife work nights, you ought to be ashamed of yourself! If I was your wife I'd feed you poison.
Howard Cunningham: If you were my wife, I'd take it.

"Happy Days: Fonzie, Rock Entrepreneur: Part 2 (#5.9)" (1977)
Marion Cunningham: [meeting Leather Tuscadero] Hello, Leather... oh, I get it, Leather and you wear leather outfits.
Howard Cunningham: Marion, why else WOULD they call her Leather?
Marion Cunningham: I was afraid to ask.

"Happy Days: The Sixth Sense (#8.9)" (1981)
Howard Cunningham: Chachi, what are you doing here?
Charles 'Chachi' Arcola: [thinks of something quick] I'm here to take Joanie to school.
[he actually just got out of hiding in Fonzie's apartment]
Howard Cunningham: It's Saturday.
Charles 'Chachi' Arcola: I'm early... Or am I late? Did you say it was Saturday?

"Happy Days: Arnold's Wedding (#3.24)" (1976)
Marion Cunningham: I hope you weren't offended when I got a little peeved at you the other day.
The Fonz: Ay, that's ok Mrs. C, everyone has a little temper tantrum once in a while.
Marion Cunningham: You did a wonderful job, Arthur. Shall we make up?
[Fonz leans his cheek over and Marion gives him a kiss]
The Fonz: [embarrassed] Ay, uh, does she yell at you like that often?
Howard Cunningham: Yeah, but we make up differently!

"Happy Days: Welcome Home: Part 2 (#11.5)" (1983)
Richie Cunningham: [Richie tells his parents and Joanie that he's moving his family to California] Everything you said made a lot of sense... it was good advice. But I talked it over with Lori Beth, and we've decided that we have to give this a chance.
Richie Cunningham: Look, when we get to California, I might have to get an odd job or something. But this is what I really, really want to do.
Richie Cunningham: Now the only regret I have is that I have to say goodbye.
Howard Cunningham: [standing up, addressing Marion] Give me that famous, pre-signed checkbook of yours, will ya?
[Marion hands it to him]
Richie Cunningham: Dad, Dad... now wait... wait a minute... I really don't want to take any of your money.
Howard Cunningham: Richard, you remember before when I was telling you about the sacrifices I made for my family? Well, for a little while, I forgot why. But it's because I wanted my children to go as far as their gifts could take them.
[hands him a blank check]
Howard Cunningham: Now you take this and you fill in whatever amount you think you need.
Marion Cunningham: [stands up] You know something? I don't know when I've been so proud of both of you. And now you're gonna leave just when I'm getting used to your moustache! It's gonna look very nice... on a screenwriter.
Richie Cunningham: [gratefully] Thanks, Mom.

"Happy Days: Richie's Cup Runneth Over (#1.3)" (1974)
Richie Cunningham: All we had was beer in teeny-weeny little glasses.
Howard Cunningham: How many teeny-weeny little glasses did you have?
Richie Cunningham: Seventy-two.
Howard Cunningham: I think it's time for some teeny-weeny cups of coffee.