Laverne DeFazio
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Quotes for
Laverne DeFazio (Character)
from "Laverne & Shirley" (1976)

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"Laverne & Shirley: The Obstacle Course (#3.20)" (1978)
Shirley Feeney: Any woman that could run that obstacle course in 40 seconds would have to be a freak of nature.
Laverne DeFazio: I just did it!

Shirley Feeney: I'm stuck up here and I can't get down, come get me!
Laverne DeFazio: Nobody ever got stuck on a rope!

Shirley Feeney: You were always great at those athletic things like running and jumping and scraping your knees. I was never good at that stuff.
Laverne DeFazio: That's because you hated scabs.
Shirley Feeney: I didn't hate them, my family didn't allow me to have them. I wanted to have scabs!

Capt. Schmidt: I told you this was a bad idea, Schmidt, dames should stay barefoot and pregnant.
Laverne DeFazio: Barefoot and pregnant huh?
[hands him hers and Shirley's purses]
Laverne DeFazio: I'll show you barefoot and pregnant!
[runs the entire obstacle course in 37 seconds]

"Laverne & Shirley: The Slow Child (#3.15)" (1978)
Laverne DeFazio: [about Miss Babish] I don't think we should give her a hard time right now. Her daughter Amy is visiting this weekend.
Shirley Feeney: Oh Amy.
Laverne DeFazio: Yeah the uh...
Shirley Feeney: Retarded girl. Remember that time we met her on the stupe?
Laverne DeFazio: Yeah, she doesn't get to leave that special school that much.
Shirley Feeney: It's rough boy, 18 years old and she can only be in the 8th grade.

Laverne DeFazio: Hey Squiggy, do you know the Purple Fiends?
Andrew 'Squiggy' Squiggman: Know 'em? They beat me up three times.

Shirley Feeney: [to Carmine] You do a pretty mean Irish jig for an Italian.
Laverne DeFazio: Thank you.

Leonard 'Lenny' Kosnowski: I think maybe I'll drift back up to my apartment then.
Laverne DeFazio: Aren't you going to stick around for the shenannigans?
Leonard 'Lenny' Kosnowski: No I think I had enough Irish food for one day.

"Laverne & Shirley: Drive! She Said (#2.1)" (1976)
Shirley Feeney: [yelling out the window] Laverne DeFazio is scared to drive!
[walks away]
Laverne DeFazio: [goes to the window] Shirley Feeney's middle name is Willamina!
[walks away]
Shirley Feeney: [goes to the window] Laverne DeFazio went to the prom with her cousin!
[walks away]
Laverne DeFazio: [goes to the window] Shirley Feeney stuffs her bra with socks!

Laverne DeFazio: It's like some people have a fear of heights, or water, or the dark.
Andrew 'Squiggy' Squiggman: Well I know about that, Lenny's scared of all those things.
Laverne DeFazio: Then you understand how I feel, right?
Leonard 'Lenny' Kosnowski: No because even I know how to drive!

Laverne DeFazio: They don't hear you're Willamina, they don't hear that you stuff your bra with socks, all they hear is I can't drive.

Shirley Feeney: [shouting out the window] Laverne DeFazio's not afraid to drive!
Laverne DeFazio: [shouting out the window] Shirley Feeney doesn't stuff her bra with socks... anymore!

"Laverne & Shirley: Haunted House (#2.21)" (1977)
Rosie Greenbaum: Getting a little thick around the middle aren't ya, DeFazio?
Laverne DeFazio: What was that, Jell-o thighs?

Shirley Feeney: I'm not going here, do you know where this is?
Laverne DeFazio: Where?
Shirley Feeney: This is the Old Ramsdale Manor.
Laverne DeFazio: So?
Shirley Feeney: So it's haunted. My brothers warned me about that place when I was a little girl.
Laverne DeFazio: Shirl, your brothers also warned you about petting and that didn't stop you.
Shirley Feeney: This is different Laverne, my brothers used to whisper in my ear BEWARE THE LEGEND OF THE RAMSDALE HAIRY THING!
Laverne DeFazio: Your brothers whispered awfully loud!

Shirley Feeney: [sees a skull, screams] This person didn't leave here alive.
Laverne DeFazio: Shirl, it's a knick-knack.
Shirley Feeney: It's a skull!
Laverne DeFazio: Does it have hair? Is it a hairy thing?
Shirley Feeney: No.
Laverne DeFazio: Then we're staying.

Laverne DeFazio: [after they rip off the banister] We better put the railing back, we don't want to offend these people.
Leonard 'Lenny' Kosnowski: Yeah, these aren't people you want mad at you.

"Laverne & Shirley: The Robot Lawsuit (#3.4)" (1977)
Laverne DeFazio: [straddling a large stuffed elephant] Sabu the Jungle Boy!

Laverne DeFazio: [in the toy store] This reminds me of when Shirley Temple spent Christmas morning at that rich girl's house in 'Heidi'.
Shirley Feeney: [imitating Shirley Temple] Grandfather! Grandfather! I want to stay with you!

Shirley Feeney: [discussing one of Shirley's relatives who was fine for six months after an accident and then relapsed] She couldn't perform any of her wifely duties.
Carmine 'The Big Ragoo' Ragusa: Oh, cooking and cleaning?
Laverne DeFazio: [getting what Shirley means] Not at all?
Shirley Feeney: Zilcho.
Laverne DeFazio: No wonder they're always so cranky.
Carmine 'The Big Ragoo' Ragusa: Oh! THOSE wifely duties! I get it now, I didn't before.

Laverne DeFazio: [to the judge] So this is the system. That lawyer over there goes twisting everything around to make my friend say things she doesn't even mean. And this... tubby, the guy who's supposed to be defending ME, tries to get me to come up here and lie. Well I won't do it, I told the truth. And if this is how the system works, the system stinks.

"Laverne & Shirley: A Nun's Story (#1.4)" (1976)
Laverne DeFazio: Nutsy's a nun!

Laverne DeFazio: I just said 'you bet your buns' to a nun! Does that count as a sin?

Shirley Feeney: Lenny's still talking to Anne Marie.
Laverne DeFazio: He's confessing, Shirl!

Shirley Feeney: We laughed at the same things now we laughed at in high school.
Laverne DeFazio: Yeah we laughed because they're still funny.

"Laverne & Shirley: The Dance Studio (#3.23)" (1978)
Shirley Feeney: Well maybe Nathan the Greek is a nice loan shark.
Laverne DeFazio: Shirl, a nice loan shark? Think about it, are they called loan bunnies? Loan guppies? No, loan sharks, they bite your face off.

Laverne DeFazio: Come on, Pop, you should talk to me, we ARE related.
Frank DeFazio: Alright, let's talk, WHEN are you getting married?
Laverne DeFazio: Goodnight, Pop.

"Laverne & Shirley: The Debutante Ball (#3.21)" (1978)
Laverne DeFazio: Boy I really like eating Chinese food with these chopsticks.
[uses them like two forks]

Shirley Feeney: If you had fallen down at the Pizza Bowl, would you run in the bathroom and hide?
Laverne DeFazio: No, I'd do this
[hits herself in the head]
Laverne DeFazio: and everybody would laugh.
Shirley Feeney: So how's this different than falling at the Pizza Bowl?
Laverne DeFazio: Because when those people out there laugh at me, they think I'm riffraff.
Shirley Feeney: Do you think they're more important than the people at the Pizza Bowl?
Laverne DeFazio: No but...
Shirley Feeney: Are they more important than me?
Laverne DeFazio: No but...
Shirley Feeney: Are they more important than your father?
Laverne DeFazio: No but...
Shirley Feeney: Oh but but but.

"Laverne & Shirley: Studio City (#6.3)" (1980)
Zwick: They're trying to save the village virgins.
Laverne DeFazio: Well it's a little late for that.

"Laverne & Shirley: Candy Is Dandy (#6.5)" (1980)
Laverne DeFazio: Let's take a trip, Shirl. We never travel anymore. Let's go to Chad. Nobody ever goes to Chad anymore.

"Laverne & Shirley: Bowling for Razzberries (#1.3)" (1976)
Doctor: Where's the uh...?
[Referring, to the bathroom]
Laverne DeFazio: The "uh", is right at the end, of the hall down there.

"Happy Days: Fonzie's Funeral: Part 2 (#6.23)" (1979)
Shirley Feeney: His boots look peaceful.
Laverne DeFazio: Yeah.
[cries and hugs one of Fonzie's boots]
Shirley Feeney: You can't keep the boot.
Laverne DeFazio: I want it.
Shirley Feeney: You can't keep the boot.
Laverne DeFazio: I want it.
Shirley Feeney: You want him standing barefooted for that big stag line in the sky?
Laverne DeFazio: No, he'd kill me.

"Laverne & Shirley: Fakeout at the Stakeout (#1.11)" (1976)
Laverne DeFazio: Well, you're supposed to take an interest in a guy's work.
Shirley Feeney: Do they ever take an interest in ours?
Laverne DeFazio: I'm not even interested in ours.

"Laverne & Shirley: Good Time Girls (#2.8)" (1976)
Shirley Feeney: Hello? Oh, it's you, you masher, you-...
Laverne DeFazio: Hi there, hot stuff... no, that was my mother... yeah, that sounds like tons of fun... that, too... and that... and that... and that... yeah, yeah, uh, that sounds like a barrel of laughs, there, but, uh, uh, before we, y'know, uh, we gotta find out where you heard about us... hanh?... oh, I see, uh, well, thank you very much for that information, you nerdface, and by the way, creephead, all you said makes me sick, sick, sick, except possibly that third thing there.

"Laverne & Shirley: The Playboy Show (#8.5)" (1982)
Laverne DeFazio: You know something? You've got a real nice singing voice there.
Cathy: Oh, thanks.
Laverne DeFazio: Yeah. You do.
Cathy: It's what I really wanna do. See, I figure if I get to be a Bunny, I might be able to sing in one of the clubs and then I'll get a big break in my career.
Laverne DeFazio: That sounds great. I bet your folks are gonna be real happy to have a singer in the family, huh?
Cathy: Nah. They'd rather I married a doctor, had a couple kids and settled down.
Laverne DeFazio: Are you Italian?
Cathy: Jewish.
Laverne DeFazio: Same thing.
[Cathy nods in agreement]