Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli
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Quotes for
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli (Character)
from "Happy Days" (1974)

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"Happy Days: Ah, Wilderness (#7.15)" (1980)
Richie Cunningham: [testing Fonzie's wilderness knowledge] What side of the tree does moss grow on?
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Rich, who cares?

Richie Cunningham: You're always the leader, this time I want to be the chief.
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Fine, you be the Chief, I'll be an Indian, you say jump and I'll say HOW-high?

Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: I'm going in the tent. I came up here with a girl and I'm going to sleep with three grown men that smell like wet wool.

Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Malph, I want to ask you a question since you're the college man... what do bears eat?
Ralph Malph: Oh this oughtta be a good one. I don't know, what DO they eat?
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: What're you asking me for?
Ralph Malph: I thought it was a riddle.
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: [looks up, nods to Ralph's head] Lightning bolt, right here!


"Happy Days: Richie Almost Dies (#5.18)" (1978)
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: [Richie is in a coma] Hey uhh, Sir? We gotta have a little chat here. It's about my best friend Richie. He's in really bad shape. I know you know that, but the world's kinda goin' a little wacko, ya know?
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: [breaking up] Ya need people down here like him, and if you don't, I do!
[breaks up even more]
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: I can fix alot of things but um, this one's all yours, so let's make a little deal.
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: [barely speaking] You do this for me, and I'll owe ya one!
[bursts into tears]

Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: [to Richie] Hi Red, I'm right here with you.
[to Howard]
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: How is he?
Howard Cunningham: Well he's not very good, Fonzie, but there is a chance.
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Is there anything I can do?
Howard Cunningham: Nothing. Come on, let's go home.

Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: [to Richie] How ya doing, Red? They wouldn't let me stay before, but I'm here now. Chachi says hello, hello... he loves working at that garage you know... you can't do this, a lot of people counting on you, you know, Mother, Father, Joanie, Ralph, Potsie, you can't go yet, you got a whole lifetime ahead of you. I mean you didn't even make the editor of that college paper, there's a lot of crummy journalism around, you gotta make it all straight, they need you. I need ya! You're my best friend, and I've never said that before but I'm saying that now. You're my best friend, and I don't want to lose you.

Marion Cunningham: Arthur, it's morning, have you been here all night?
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Yeah I guess I fell asleep, doctor said it was alright though.
Marion Cunningham: Well, you can go home now.
Howard Cunningham: Go home, Fonzie, we'll tell Richie you were here.
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: I don't think I'm going to leave here.
Marion Cunningham: Well Arthur, you just go home now and get some sleep.
Howard Cunningham: Yeah, Marion's right.
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Yeah, you're both right, but I ain't going.


"Happy Days: The Motorcycle (#3.2)" (1975)
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: [Marion just showed Fonzie his motorcycle's rear-view mirror, which was hidden under a dish towel] Why that's my rea... MY BIKE!
[Run's outside, then is heard screaming about 5 seconds later]

Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: [Standing next to a pile of mangled parts that was once his motorcycle] I can't fix this! I may be a mechanic, but I'm not a miracle worker!
Howard Cunningham: Fonzie? It's just a motorcycle!
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: [Calmly] Just a motorcycle, huh Mr. C? Let me tell you a little story. When I was young, I was a complete nerd, okay? I tried everything to be cool. Nothing I tried worked, and then
[walks over to a picture of his bike and takes it off the wall]
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: it came along. It changed my whole life. It's the whole reason for me to live. Just a motorcycle, eh? And I suppose your mother was just a mother?

Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: [Referring to Ralph's offer to sell his car to buy the new bike he's showing him] Nah, you don't have to do that. I'll pay for the bike myself.
Ralph Malph: [Excited] What a pal! What a pal!
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: You're gonna work with me down at the garage until it's paid for, though.
Ralph Malph: [Way less enthused] What a pal. What a pal.


"Happy Days: Welcome Home: Part 2 (#11.5)" (1983)
Richie Cunningham: [an angry Richie has been drinking heavily at a local bar... Fonzie is trying to take him home] I would REALLY like to be alone right now.
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: No you don't.
Richie Cunningham: Let's get something straight right now, all right? The days when The Fonz can come riding in and solve all my problems with a few choice words are long gone! So why don't you leave-a-mundo?
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: You're absolutely right. This is not a frosh mixer. I can't fix you up with a date, but you are my friend, we can talk about it and I haven't said 'a-mundo' in an awful long time!
[Richie turns away]
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Fine... you don't wanna say anything, we won't talk. Then we'll go home. You know why? 'Cause there's a lotta people worried about you.
Richie Cunningham: [angry] I'll leave when I damn well feel like leaving!
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Good plan... good plan.
[gets up]
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Except something in my soul tells me that you want to leave
[yanks chair out from under Richie's feet]
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: right now. So Richie, put the beer down and let's go home, OK?
[Richie stands up and punches Fonzie in the face]
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: So we got that out of our systems, right? Come on, Richie. Let's go.
Richie Cunningham: I said I'll leave when I feel like it!
[swings at Fonzie again and misses]
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: [Fonzie restrains him and pins him to a pool table] What, are you crazy? You think I'm gonna let you do that a second time?
Richie Cunningham: I'm gonna get you for that, Fonz! I'm gonna kick your butt!
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Right... right.

Richie Cunningham: [an angry Richie has been drinking heavily at a local bar... Fonzie is trying to take him home] I would REALLY like to be alone right now.
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: No you don't.
Richie Cunningham: Let's get something straight right now, all right? The days when The Fonz can come riding in and solve all my problems with a few choice words are long gone! So why don't you leave-a-mundo?
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: You're absolutely right. This is not a frosh mixer. I can't fix you up with a date, but you are my friend, we can talk about it and I haven't said 'a-mundo' in an awful long time!
[Richie turns away]
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Fine... you don't wanna say anything, we won't talk. Then we'll go home. You know why? 'Cause there's a lotta people worried about you.
Richie Cunningham: [angry] I'll leave when I damn well feel like leaving!
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Good plan... good plan.
[gets up]
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Except something in my soul tells me that you want to leave
[yanks chair out from under Richie's feet]
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: right now. So Richie, put the beer down and let's go home, OK?
[Richie stands up and punches Fonzie in the face]
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: So we got that out of our systems, right? Come on, Richie. Let's go.
Richie Cunningham: I said I'll leave when I feel like it!
[swings at Fonzie again and misses]
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: [Fonzie restrains him and pins him to a pool table] What, are you crazy? You think I'm gonna let you do that a second time?
Richie Cunningham: I'm gonna get you for that, Fonz! I'm gonna kick your butt!
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Right... right.
Richie Cunningham: [Richie slowly comes to his senses] Fonz... what am I doing? I'm going crazy!
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: [gently] It's OK... you're OK. Wanna get up.
Richie Cunningham: [softly] Yeah.
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: [Fonzie releases him and pats his shoulder] You're OK.
Richie Cunningham: Man... I can't live like this. I can't go around living my life pretending I'm happy all the time! It's no good, Fonz! It's no good!
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: I get the picture. You've been living your life for everybody else, right? You've been the perfect son, the perfect student, the perfect father...
Richie Cunningham: [interrupting] Perfect soldier!
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Perfect friend!
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: It's time to take responsibility for your own life. You've gotta do what you wanna do, Richie.
Richie Cunningham: [shakes his head] No, it's not that simple. See, my dad got me that job at the newspaper.
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: So what?
Richie Cunningham: My wife, Lori Beth, has her heart set on living in Milwaukee!
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Your wife Lori Beth has her heart set on spending the rest of her life with you! Don't sell her short! I mean, she loves you, Richie! She'll back you in anything you want to do! We all will!
Richie Cunningham: Look, you're single. You don't know what it's like having people depending on you each and every day!
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: [raising eyebrows] Are you delirious? All right, I'll be fair with you... I don't have a wife and kids. But if I had yours, I would let nothing stop me!

Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: [enters through kitchen] Hey Richie! I got 'em! Two first-class tickets to Tinseltown!
Richie Cunningham: First class? Oh, Fonz... I can't afford First Class.
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Of course you can... I got 'em from Yolanda down at the travel agency. One more date and you're going to Europe!
[awkward silence]
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Well, I guess this is it, huh?
Richie Cunningham: Yeah. Fonz, listen... um, I'm a writer... or at least I hope so.
[pulling envelope from his jacket]
Richie Cunningham: Yet sometimes it's a little easier to express myself with words. I wrote this to you this morning. Because I knew when we were face to face like this, that I... well, I might not be able to find the words. How do you thank somebody who's been everything to you?
[Fonzie nods]
Richie Cunningham: Your brother, your protector. You delivered my own child. I just don't know how I can ever say that.
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: [shrugs] I think you just did.
[Richie goes to put the letter back in his pocket, but Fonzie takes it from him... he whispers as his voice breaks]
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: I just wanna tell ya... that I love you. Very much.
[walks out]


"Happy Days: Potsie Quits School (#6.27)" (1979)
Potsie Weber: I don't care about learning anatomy, all I want is a good grade.
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Hey, grades are not cool, learning is cool.

Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: [trying on boots with bright red ribbons] Hey, I'll take this.
Potsie Weber, Mr. Rudi: You'll take these?
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Yeah, I can use them for my bike reflectors.


"Happy Days: Fonzie's Funeral: Part 2 (#6.23)" (1979)
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: [a US Treasury Agent informs the Cunninghams that Fonzie has been killed - unaware that Fonzie is making hot chocolate in their kitchen] Hey, you want some hot chocolate?
T-Man Peterson: No thanks, I'm on duty.
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Too bad, I like those little marshmallows.
T-Man Peterson: [does a double take] You!
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Me!
T-Man Peterson: You're alive!
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: What was your first clue?

Candy Man: [to Fonzie's coffin] So long, chump.
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: [raises lid, grabs him] The chump lives!


"Happy Days: Live and Learn (#8.2)" (1980)
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Don't you understand, your brain is clay and I gotta SQUEEZE it!
[his class jumps back in shock. pause]
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Let me put that another way...


"Happy Days: Dance Contest (#3.15)" (1976)
Marion Cunningham: I don't even have to go through with this dance contest! Let's go home.
Howard Cunningham: Yeah. Come on, get your coat, Richie.
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Hey, now, wait a minute! I don't understand something here. I practice all week until I limp home and I gotta soak my feet. I spend 18 dollars and 50 cents on a monkey suit. Two nerds come to my room and lock me in my bathroom and start calling me names. Sherlock Holmes here, chases me and starts yelling at me. Cunningham, he, Cunningham over there, he starts threatening me with physical violence. Shortcake kicks me in the leg. And you wanna go home happy. Well, let me tell you something, you're not going anywhere, lady! THE FONZ WANTS TO DANCE !


"Happy Days: Not with My Sister, You Don't (#2.8)" (1974)
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: You know what your problem is, Richie?
Richie Cunningham: I'd like to know, Fonzie.
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: You're a nice guy.
Richie Cunningham: And nice guys finish last.
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Hey, hey, not necessarily, huh? You just gotta work your tail off to get up there in the top three, that's all.


"Happy Days: Fonzie, Rock Entrepreneur: Part 2 (#5.9)" (1977)
Richie Cunningham: [Fonzie has just advised Joanie not to make the same mistakes he made, growing up] You made mistakes?
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: The mistake I made was not my fault!


"Happy Days: Joanie's Weird Boyfriend (#4.21)" (1977)
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Don't ever call me Arthur, and I move when I want to. You ready Carmine.


"Happy Days: Potsie Gets Pinned (#5.15)" (1978)
Ralph Malph: [Ralph Malph has rubbed his lips with olive oil all day] Hey Fonz, big doings, huh?
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: [Fonzie sniffs and smells the olive oil on Ralph's lips] What's wrong with you, Malph? You smell like a salad.