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: [very drunk
] Do you like the way I walk? Philip Shayne
: Poetry in motion. Cathy Timberlake
: I learned when I was a baby, been walking for years.
: The Four Horsemen now have a riding companion. There's War, Famine, Death, Pestilence, and Miss Timberlake!
: Strike! Cathy Timberlake
] Cathy Timberlake
: Hey, ump, shake your head, your eyeballs are stuck! It was a ball, it was that far away from the plate. Umpire
: [Approaching the dugout
] Lady, will you keep it down over here? You've been riding me all night. Cathy Timberlake
: Mickey, you saw that pitch, it was a ball, wasn't it? Mickey Mantle
: It looked like it. Umpire
: You're out of the game, Mantle. Cathy Timberlake
: What? Roger, what do you think? Roger Maris
: It could've missed the corner. Umpire
: You're out, Maris. Cathy Timberlake
: Yogi... Yogi Berra
: It was a perfect strike, the ump was right. Umpire
: I don't like sarcasm, Berra. You're out of the game as well. Cathy Timberlake
: You can't do that! Umpire
: Lady... Cathy Timberlake
: Where's the Manager? Philip Shayne
: I think he's hiding.
: Good morning, good morning. It's a great day out. Philip Shayne
: God, you're very happy, Roger. You'd better check that with Dr. Gruber, it might be something serious. Roger
: I had a wonderful night's rest. You know the trouble I have sleeping? Well, I've solved it. Just before you go to bed you put three tranquilizers in a jigger of brandy and you drink it. You still can't sleep but you're so relaxed that you don't worry about it. It was exhilarating. Philip Shayne
: Fancy that. And some people just go to sleep and never know what they're missing. Philip Shayne
: That's what I like about you, Roger. No matter what calamity befalls your fellow man you're still able to laugh about it.
[Roger enters Philip's office in rags
] Philip Shayne
: What happened? Roger
: I was knocked down two flights of stairs and then viciously attacked by a dog in a taxi. This has been the most satisfying day of my life.
: It upsets you, doesn't it? The puppet master ran across a puppet who won't perform and then cuts all his strings. She's become a symbol of hope to all of us who sold out for that touch of mink. Philip Shayne
: Roger! Roger
: You give us good salaries, paid vacations, insurance. You take away our problems and act like you've done us a favor. Well, you haven't, and some day there'll be an uprising, and the masses will regain the misery they're entitled to! Neurotics of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your psychiatrist! Philip Shayne
: Roger, I flew miles to a tropical paradise to drink hot milk and butter. I spent half the night playing gin rummy with a bookie. Not a memorable evening. If you don't leave now, I'll raise your salary! Roger
] You're sadistic enough to do that!
: And I'm unstable. What kind of mother would I make for our children? Philip Shayne
: Well we'll try three or four if that doesn't work out, we'll breed poodles.
: Why would she go away with someone like that? Roger
: Who knows? He's a man and she's a woman. Philip Shayne
: That's the most dangerous combination to turn loose in a motel.
: Why doesn't she get married? Only a husband is equipped to take such a beating!
: That's it, Roger. Now you have plenty of friends. Find her a husband. A simple, dull, unimaginative man who'll smile tolerantly when he comes home from work and learns she's misplaced the children.