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Quotes for
Carter Heywood (Character)
from "Spin City" (1996)

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"Spin City: The Mayor May Not (#4.6)" (1999)
Nikki Faber: [Carter has been seeing this rich guy] ... according to this, he has never given a cent to charity.
Carter Heywood: Oh my god. How can I fall for someone that doesn't do charity work.
Stuart Bondek: Wouldn't bother me.
Stuart Bondek: Stuart, dating you is charity work.

Nikki Faber: [Carter has been seeing this rich guy] ... according to this, he has never given a cent to charity.
Carter Heywood: Oh my god. How can I fall for someone that doesn't do charity work.
Stuart Bondek: Wouldn't bother me.
Carter Heywood: Stuart, dating you is charity work.


"Spin City: They Shoot Horses, Don't They? (#2.11)" (1997)
Stacey Paterno: The dry cleaner said he can clean the coat, no problem.
Mike Flaherty: I love Mr. Kim.
Stacey Paterno: Yeah, but he was lying.
Nikki Faber: Wait, how can you possibly know that ?
Stacey Paterno: Oh, I can tell when people are lying. It's a gift.
James Hobert: You know, I have a friend who can do the same thing.
Stacey Paterno: No, you don't.
James Hobert: Ok. it's a friend of a friend.
Mike Flaherty: So, the other day when Carter said he was feeling sick and he had to go home early.
[Stacey shakes her head ]
Carter Heywood: Hey ! I was feeling a little sale at Barneys.
Mike Flaherty: What if I were to say that I were the worlds greatest lover ?
Stacey Paterno: I'd say that you believe it to be true.
Mike Flaherty: Right, that's good enough for me.


"Spin City: A Tale of Two Sisters (#4.13)" (2000)
Carter Heywood: [Paul has just learned that Carter makes more money than him] Hope it doesn't bother you that I make a little bit more money than you.
Paul Lassiter: Please, Carter... It's going to take a lot more to hurt our friendship than $899.43 a year after taxes.
Carter Heywood: Good.
Paul Lassiter: [Paul trips Carter while walking away] What's the matter? Your big fat wallet didn't break your fall.


"Spin City: There's Something About Heidi (#3.2)" (1998)
Nikki Faber: [Nikki has only told Carter a secret about her dream of playing football with Mike.- Nikki's calling Mike] Why doesn't Mike answer?
Stuart Bondek: Who knows. Maybe they finished dinner. Maybe there at a movie. Maybe there tossing a football back and forth.
Carter Heywood: [Nikki looks a Carter and angrily leaves the room] Stuart! I trusted you.
Stuart Bondek: I know, that what makes it so sweet.


"Spin City: Taxi Driver (#3.13)" (1999)
[On Nikki & Arthur]
Mike: So, What's with the big night?
Carter: I thought you were over her.
Mike: I lie a lot. What are you new here?


"Spin City: The Mayor with Two Brains (#3.23)" (1999)
Paul Lassiter: Can't believe they called off our softball game, last night.
Carter Heywood: Yea, that's a shame.
Mike Flaherty: Hey, nice game last night everybody. Carter clutch hit in the seventh.
Paul Lassiter: [disappointed] Well, there sounds like there was a game last night.
Mike Flaherty: No, you know, as a matter of fact, they... they cancelled the rest of the season. Everybody else, our book club meets tonight at seven. On field three.


"Spin City: Starting Over (#1.14)" (1997)
Carter Heywood: Just because I'm gay it doesn't mean I sleep with every guy I get a chance to. Look at you, your straight. Do... Do you sleep with every woman you get a chance to?
Stuart Bondek: YES!


"Spin City: Carter & Stuart & Bennett & Deirdre (#3.22)" (1999)
Carter: [having arguement about them being friends with each others ex's] You will regret this.
[talking about Bennett]
Carter: One day he will annoy you.
Stuart: [talking about deirdre] One day she will burn off all your body hair!


"Spin City: An Officer and a Gentleman (#3.7)" (1998)
Carter Heywood: Michael. May I come in?
Mike Flaherty: Come in... Come out... We're doing everything today.


"Spin City: A River Runs Through Me (#2.19)" (1998)
Mike Flaherty: Carter, as always I appreciate your initiative. Programming our computers to automatically replace the word black with the more politically correct African American, that was, that's, that's just smart thinking.
Carter Heywood: Something should have been done long ago.
Mike Flaherty: Yeah. I'm holding in my hand one of a thousand invitations that went out for the Mayor's press corp dinner next week. It's obviously a formal event because
[pause]
Mike Flaherty: African American tie is required.


"Spin City: All the Mayor's Men (#4.3)" (1999)
Mike Flaherty: [getting Carter to help with break-in at Mayor's office] Carter, I need help.
Carter Heywood: Ha, I see. Need a break-in, get a black man to help. Black People know all about committing crimes.
Mike Flaherty: I didn't say that. Don't be so sensitive.
Carter Heywood: Oooh, Gay man too sensitive.
Mike Flaherty: If it so offensive to you, you know, fine, don't help.
Carter Heywood: No, no, sounds cool. I'm in.


"Spin City: The Goodbye Girl (#2.4)" (1997)
Carter Heywood: I do have another idea, but it's a little far fetched.
Mike Flaherty: I don't care, I'm desperate.
Carter Heywood: All right. You're going to have to get your hands on a time machine.


"Spin City: These Shoes Were Made for Cheatin' (#4.4)" (1999)
Stuart Bondek: [Stuart applies at the gay gym to get girls] This is great! Your gay gym rejected my application.
Carter Heywood: Stuart, under 'personal goals' you put 'two chicks in a hot tub'.


"Spin City: The Last Temptation of Mike (#3.21)" (1999)
James Hobert: [people making noise] Hey, do you guys mind? It's been a life long dream of mine to do some real writing. And I finally been commissioned to do a piece for a very respected National magazine.
Carter Heywood: Oh, really- 'The New Yorker'? 'Vanity Fair'?
James Hobert: 'Sassy'.


"Spin City: The Great Debate (#4.7)" (1999)
Paul Lassiter: [Paul is suppose to get Carter and Stuart super bowl tickets for letting him spend the night] Guys, bad news. Turns out transportation isn't included in the Super Bowl package.
Carter Heywood: Well, that's OK, Paul. I guess we can pay for our own flights.
Paul Lassiter: Why would you want to fly to New Jersey?
Stuart Bondek: Paul, the Super Bowl is in Atlanta.
Paul Lassiter: No, its not. It's at the biggest bowling alley in Trenton.
Carter Heywood: Paul, we thought you were taking us to the football Super Bowl.
Paul Lassiter: What are you, High? You guys only put me up for one night and no offense, it's not exactly the Red Roof Inn.


"Spin City: Casino (#4.14)" (2000)
Caitlin Moore: [Caitlin is unaware that Carter and Stewart have an old Star Search video of her singing the theme of Flashdance] What make you think that you're not gonna do the work?
Carter Heywood: Just a feeling. But "what a feeling".


"Spin City: In the Heat of the Day (#2.5)" (1997)
Carter Heywood: [after Carter is wrongfully arrest] I swear, when that cop looked at me all he saw was black.
Stuart Bondek: The cops a fool. When I look at you I see a friend. And I see a co-worker. But most importantly I see a big fruit.
Carter Heywood: [laughs] Thanks a lot, Stuart. That's the first time I'd smiled all day.
Stuart Bondek: Then I take it you were not stripped search.


"Spin City: Gentleman's Agreement (#2.15)" (1998)
Mike Flaherty: [learning the Mayor is at the club] I'm heading down to Cabot House, you go back and hold down the fort.
Carter Heywood: Fine, but it I hear you had a hamburger or got a massage, so help me God there's going to be trouble.