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Quotes for
Stuart Bondek (Character)
from "Spin City" (1996)

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"Spin City: The Mayor May Not (#4.6)" (1999)
Nikki Faber: [Carter has been seeing this rich guy] ... according to this, he has never given a cent to charity.
Carter Heywood: Oh my god. How can I fall for someone that doesn't do charity work.
Stuart Bondek: Wouldn't bother me.
Stuart Bondek: Stuart, dating you is charity work.

Nikki Faber: [Carter has been seeing this rich guy] ... according to this, he has never given a cent to charity.
Carter Heywood: Oh my god. How can I fall for someone that doesn't do charity work.
Stuart Bondek: Wouldn't bother me.
Carter Heywood: Stuart, dating you is charity work.

James Hobert: [Stuart comes into work all beaten up] Gees Stuart, what happen to you.
Stuart Bondek: Remember that woman I have been seeing, the one married to the bouncer. Last night when I went home he was waiting for me. I have no idea how he found out.
James Hobert: [James and Paul start to snigger] Do you want to know how he found out?
Paul Lassiter: [Now laughing] We Told him! GOTCHA!
Stuart Bondek: That's not a practical joke, you idiots. I'm really hurt I may have a concussion.
James Hobert: [James and Paul laughing hysterically] Yes! SCORE!
Paul Lassiter: [still laughing] And that's not all, we also called your mother.
Stuart Bondek: You told my mother I was sleeping with a married woman?
Paul Lassiter: [laughing] We told her you we DEAD!
Stuart Bondek: You guys are crazy. I've got to go see my mother.
James Hobert: [still laughing and giving high fives] WE RULE!
Stuart Bondek: [offstage and hearing a dog bark] Hey, down boy. I don't have any drugs on me.
Paul Lassiter: [crying laughing] Thanks what you think!


"Spin City: Rebel Without a Chair (#4.5)" (1999)
Stuart Bondek: [after Caitlin and Nikky breaks his "Breast Paperweight", he picks another from his desk] They sell it in pairs. Daaaaahhhh.

Stuart Bondek: [Stuart explaining the new paper-weight on his desk that looks like a woman's breast] I was just trying to explain to Nikki its not a breast. It's a non-sexual abstract piece of art.
Caitlin Moore: Oh yea, Where did you get it?
Stuart Bondek: The Knocker Locker.


"Spin City: Carter & Stuart & Bennett & Deirdre (#3.22)" (1999)
Carter: [having arguement about them being friends with each others ex's] You will regret this.
[talking about Bennett]
Carter: One day he will annoy you.
Stuart: [talking about deirdre] One day she will burn off all your body hair!

Deidre West: [entering the room yelling] STUART!
Stuart: O' wait, you are suppose to stay ten feet away from me at all times.
Stuart: [Deidre throws out a measuring tape to Stuart] Ah, ten feet.
Deidre West: Give or take a few inches depending on how glad you are to see me.


"Spin City: Internal Affairs (#3.16)" (1999)
James Hobert: [on a stakeout in the new police truck and a man approaching the undercover cop] Right over there. He's up to no good. Come on baby do your dirty deed.
Mayor Randall M. Winston Jr.: I can't hear anything. Hit that button over there that controls the sound.
Stuart Bondek: I'm pretty sure that's the intercom.
Mayor Randall M. Winston Jr.: [Mayor hit button and is now broadcasting on the intercom for everyone to hear] I think I know what an intercom looks like.
Stuart Bondek: Hey, your the Mayor.
Mayor Randall M. Winston Jr.: [still broadcasting] See that guy. He's about to buy some drugs. But what he doesn't know is the other guy is a cop.


"Spin City: The Doorman Always Rings Twice (#4.10)" (1999)
Deidre West: [coming into the scene] STUART!
Stuart Bondek: Hey, Deidre.
Deidre West: Are you showing naked pictures of us around the office?
Stuart Bondek: Yes.
Deidre West: Well it's about time.


"Spin City: There's Something About Heidi (#3.2)" (1998)
Nikki Faber: [Nikki has only told Carter a secret about her dream of playing football with Mike.- Nikki's calling Mike] Why doesn't Mike answer?
Stuart Bondek: Who knows. Maybe they finished dinner. Maybe there at a movie. Maybe there tossing a football back and forth.
Carter Heywood: [Nikki looks a Carter and angrily leaves the room] Stuart! I trusted you.
Stuart Bondek: I know, that what makes it so sweet.


"Spin City: Dick Clark's Rockin' Make-Out Party '99 (#3.17)" (1999)
Stuart Bondek: [Mike puts a hundred dollars on the table to make Deidre drop the law-suit] Mike, if you keep throwing money around she just gonna start dancing.
Deidre West: Your a toad.
Stuart Bondek: Your a tramp.
Deidre West: [Deidre and Stuart get up to fight with Mike in the middle] OK, that's it. Let's go daisy boy.
Mike Flaherty: Stuart, Get out! Get out! Go!
Stuart Bondek: I slept with your sister!
Deidre West: I was there, you idiot.


"Spin City: Mustang Mikey (#4.11)" (1999)
James Hobert: Stuart, Mike told me to fire Deidre. And, ah, I have to admit, I'm a little afraid.
Stuart Bondek: Look James, the thing you have to understand about Deidre is- under her rough and vicious exterior...
James Hobert: She's a sweet and venerable woman?
Stuart Bondek: No, she the scariest bitch I've ever seen.


"Spin City: Starting Over (#1.14)" (1997)
Carter Heywood: Just because I'm gay it doesn't mean I sleep with every guy I get a chance to. Look at you, your straight. Do... Do you sleep with every woman you get a chance to?
Stuart Bondek: YES!


"Spin City: James and the Giant Speech (#4.2)" (1999)
Stuart Bondek: [Paul has been sucking up to Catlin all day and now she asks about Paul's office] Paul, she's asking about your office because she's going to take it from you.
Paul Lassiter: Oh, God. Well fasten you seat-belt, kids. Because Big Daddy's about to make the jump into hyper-suck.


"Spin City: These Shoes Were Made for Cheatin' (#4.4)" (1999)
Stuart Bondek: [Stuart applies at the gay gym to get girls] This is great! Your gay gym rejected my application.
Carter Heywood: Stuart, under 'personal goals' you put 'two chicks in a hot tub'.


"Spin City: The Great Debate (#4.7)" (1999)
Paul Lassiter: [Paul is suppose to get Carter and Stuart super bowl tickets for letting him spend the night] Guys, bad news. Turns out transportation isn't included in the Super Bowl package.
Carter Heywood: Well, that's OK, Paul. I guess we can pay for our own flights.
Paul Lassiter: Why would you want to fly to New Jersey?
Stuart Bondek: Paul, the Super Bowl is in Atlanta.
Paul Lassiter: No, its not. It's at the biggest bowling alley in Trenton.
Carter Heywood: Paul, we thought you were taking us to the football Super Bowl.
Paul Lassiter: What are you, High? You guys only put me up for one night and no offense, it's not exactly the Red Roof Inn.


"Spin City: Bye Bye Love (#1.13)" (1997)
Stuart Bondek: Normal people download nudie pictures. You, on the other hand, spend time at the Amish home page.
Paul Lassiter: They have nudie pictures.
Stuart Bondek: [interested] Really? How do you log on?


"Spin City: In the Heat of the Day (#2.5)" (1997)
Carter Heywood: [after Carter is wrongfully arrest] I swear, when that cop looked at me all he saw was black.
Stuart Bondek: The cops a fool. When I look at you I see a friend. And I see a co-worker. But most importantly I see a big fruit.
Carter Heywood: [laughs] Thanks a lot, Stuart. That's the first time I'd smiled all day.
Stuart Bondek: Then I take it you were not stripped search.


"Spin City: Back to the Future IV - Judgment Day (#3.18)" (1999)
Stacey Paterno: It was so great Aunt Marie, thank you so much for visiting.
Aunt Marie Paterno: I had a great time, Stac. I really did. Ah, and look that 'things-to-do' list you made me, I checked off everyone.
Stuart Bondek: You know Marie, the whole time you were here you completely ignored me.
Aunt Marie Paterno: [looking at her things-to-do list] Check.