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Quotes for
Grandad (Character)
from "Only Fools and Horses...." (1981)

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"Rock & Chips: Pilot (#1.0)" (2010)
[Del has just gone out in his best suit]
Joan Trotter: What's he mean he's staying out tonight?
Ted Trotter: Dunno. Maybe he's going night-fishing.
Joan Trotter: [sarcastically] Oh, of course. That would explain the suit and tie and all them rods and maggots he was carrying. Night fishing!
Ted Trotter: [to himself] Well I think you'll find he's trying to hook *something*!

Reg Trotter: What have the French got to offer us? Citroëns and snails, that's all.
Clayton: You know, I can't understand how they can eat them kind of creatures.
Ted Trotter: Have you ever seen a snail close-up? Looks like a bogie in a crash-helmet!

[Reg threatens to punch Joan in the eyes]
Del Trotter: What did you just say to her?
Joan Trotter: Del, do what I do: just ignore him.
Reg Trotter: Yeah, keep your nose out son. That way, it won't get broke.
Del Trotter: Oh, is that right? Well there's a yard out there, so come on, John Wayne, show me how it's done!
Ted Trotter: Del, leave it, son.
Del Trotter: Stay out of it, Grandad!
[Del and Reg stare menacingly at each other for a few moments]
Reg Trotter: Ah, can't be bothered with all this! I'm going down the pub. Barmaid's got better drinks on the slate!

"Only Fools and Horses....: Healthy Competition (#3.2)" (1983)
Grandad: [Rodney says he and Mickey Pearce are starting small in the self-catering trade] What you got, Rodney? A Wendy House?

Grandad: [Rodney wants to buy a house] What you got, Rodney? A Wendy House?

"Rock & Chips: Five Gold Rings (#1.1)" (2010)
[talking about Joan]
Vi Trotter: She's got something the young people nowadays call the "baby blues". I had it with your dad. Oooh, I was moody and irritable.
Del Trotter: Does it last long?
Ted Trotter: [mutters] Thirty-six years so far.

[at the dinner table, Joan tries out a French phrase that Freddie the Frog has taught her]
Joan Trotter: J'adore un soixante-neuf.
Ted Trotter: She all right?
Reg Trotter: What's that?
Joan Trotter: It's French.
Del Trotter: Where did you learn that?
Joan Trotter: At the flicks. A Brigitte Bardot film.
Vi Trotter: What's it mean?
Joan Trotter: I was told it means "I am enjoying this dinner".

"Only Fools and Horses....: The Yellow Peril (#2.5)" (1982)
Grandad: [Rodney is furious after finding out the paint used on a decorating job was hooky] Tunnels?
Del Boy: What?
Rodney: No, he said that.
Grandad: Trigger said this was for painting signs used in tunnels. Well, how can you see a sign in a tunnel? It's dark, innit?
Trigger: Nah, 'salright, this is luminous paint.
Del Boy: Exactly, Grandad, it's luminous paint and that means you can see in the - LUMINOUS?

"Only Fools and Horses....: Friday the 14th (#3.3)" (1983)
Del Boy: So what are you telling me then? The psycho's upstairs having a kip?
Grandad: Well he could be up there Del...
Del Boy: Well I shouldn't let it worry you, Grandad, cos the three bears have probably eaten him by now!

"Rock & Chips: The Frog and the Pussycat (#1.2)" (2011)
[Joan and Del have been talking about Rodney's dirty nappy. Vi arrives to baby-sit. Ted comes into the room]
Ted Trotter: [sarcastically] Oh God, that's lovely to to wake up to, ain't it?
Reg Trotter: It's only a shitty nappy.
Ted Trotter: No, I'm talking about your nan. Eighteen months ago I walked out of that flat in Deptford to get away from her, and now she's here.
Reg Trotter: Well go back to the flat in Deptford, then.

"Only Fools and Horses....: Big Brother (#1.1)" (1981)
[first lines]
Grandad: [watching TV] That Sydney Potter's a good actor, ain't he, Rodney?

"Only Fools and Horses....: Thicker Than Water (#3.8)" (1983)
Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: Just before Mum fell for you she met this, like, new friend. He was the trumpet player from the Locarno.
Grandad: And a saxophone player.
Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: Yes, alright Grandad, alright.
Rodney Trotter: Are you trying to tell me that my dad... was a band?
Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: No Rodney, no, just the brass section.
Rodney Trotter: No, I don't believe you. No, the way you've always described Mum she'd never do anything like that.
Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: No, she wouldn't normally. This must've been, like, a one-off.
Rodney Trotter: Great. Well I can't wait to fill in my next passport application form. Mother's name - Joan Mavis Trotter. Father's name - Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass.