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Quotes for
TC (Character)
from "Magnum, P.I." (1980)

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"Magnum, P.I.: Memories Are Forever (#2.5)" (1981)
TC: [slowly and with emphasis] Why hasn't she contacted you?
Magnum: Well, it would all have been pretty traumatic, maybe she has amnesia.
TC: Oh come on, you believe that?
Magnum: No! But it's possible!
TC: It's also possible that I might hook up with Diana Ross, but I ain't counting on it.

Rick: I would like to propose a toast... to the luckiest couple in Saigon. Me and TC.
[Magnum laughst hysterically]
TC: Say what?
[laugh nonetheless]
Rick: No I mean it, we are the last of the bachelors. Everyone else we know is married.
TC: Orville, I've heard you say some dumb things in my life, but that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard you say.
Magnum: No, I think that's a good toast, TC, I'll drink to that.
Michelle: Eh, you'll drink to anything.
Rick: You see, you've only been married three hours and already she's cuttin' ya up on the booze.

Rick: And I got one more toast...
Michelle: Yes!
[raises glass]
TC: No...
Rick: ...and this one is gonna kill ya...
[an explosion rocks the entire bar]

Magnum: [Rick has grabbed a small Vietnamese boy] Rick, what the hell are you doing?
Rick: While you were biddyboppin' around, little Victor Charlie here has been right on your tail.
Magnum: What?
Rick: That's right.
[the kid makes a break for it but Rick grabs him once more]
Magnum: Will you let him go?
TC: Hey hey, he's right, man. We spotted him awhile back.


"Magnum, P.I.: Computer Date (#2.13)" (1982)
TC: What is wrong with everyone? Thomas' sitting there like his mother just died, you come driving up here like a lunatic and if anybody should be mad it should be me!

TC: [Higgins is preparing for the arrival of an old flame] Hey Higgins, when is mamma coming in?

TC: [Higgins is all dressed up] Now Higgie-baby, that is bad.
Higgins: Thank you. I am assuming that is a compliment.
TC: Right on.


"Magnum, P.I.: The Taking of Dick McWilliams (#2.9)" (1981)
TC: How can you tell if someone's a kidnapper or not?
Rick: You mean you didn't check those names out?
TC: Of course I checked them out. The first one was a cop at 5.0. I think he probably wasn't our man.
Rick: Well what was his name?
Rick: [checks his notes] McGarrett.

TC: Thirteen? You expect me to hop over all thirteen of these islands?
Magnum: That's the name of your service isn't it, Island Hoppers?
TC: Yeah, I'm thinking about changing it to Magnum's taxi service!

TC: You mean to tell me a nun gave you that shiner?
Rick: She thought I was trying to steal her car.
[TC and TM laugh riotously]
Rick: Hey, she was a big nun!
[even more laughter]


"Magnum, P.I.: Mad Buck Gibson (#2.8)" (1981)
TC: Eh, you know, I know you get tired of hearing this, but I've read all of your books.
Mad Buck Gibson: Oh come on, not all...
TC: All twenty-seven. My favorite is 'Curse of the Aztec Goddess'.
Mad Buck Gibson: Right.
TC: I mean you're sort of an inspiration to me, because I've sort of working on something of my own. You know, maybe when I finish a chapter, you'd read it?
Mad Buck Gibson: Oh yeah, you got it, BC.
TC: TC.

TC: Yeah, yeah, so anyway, my next favorite one was 'Dagger of the Scorpion'.
Mad Buck Gibson: Oh.
TC: That's where the guy gets the girl in the bathtub...
Rick: [interrupting] Yeah!
TC: Yeah, yeah, yeah...
Rick: Yeah, yeah, yeah and she gives him the mickey! Hey Buck, can you really make a mickey out of asperin, baking soda and aftershave lotion?
Mad Buck Gibson: Pal, you give me a medicine cabinet and I can make a mickey out of anything.


"Magnum, P.I.: Torah, Torah, Torah (#5.21)" (1985)
Jonathan Quayle Higgins III: My god, what is that odor?
Theodore 'TC' Calvin: Higgy-Baby, you're talking about my Uncle Roland's original, creole, flaming, bayou-blaster chili. Wanna try a little taste?
Jonathan Quayle Higgins III: Not without a paramedic in attendance.


"Magnum, P.I.: Limited Engagement (#4.5)" (1983)
TC: Pickled egg, please.
Magnum: TC, no! C'mon, can't you come up with another joke? I mean, three days in a row? Besides, you know I hate to fish those stinky things out. I HATE 'em!
TC: Pickled egg, please.


"Magnum, P.I.: I Witness (#4.21)" (1984)
Orville 'Rick' Wright: That's exactly the way I told it.
Theodore 'TC' Calvin: No, it isn't!
Orville 'Rick' Wright: Except...
Jonathan Quayle Higgins III: Except that neither of you is reciting anything even remotely resembling the truth! But then, what can one expect from simple, primitive minds that overload at the drop of a multi-dependent, clause-declarative sentence?
Orville 'Rick' Wright: What?


"Magnum, P.I.: Operation: Silent Night (#4.10)" (1983)
Thomas Sullivan Magnum III: What out for that centipede!
Orville 'Rick' Wright: [yelling] What centipede?
Theodore 'TC' Calvin: The one next to the lizard.
Orville 'Rick' Wright: [yelling] What lizard?


"Magnum, P.I.: From Moscow to Maui (#2.4)" (1981)
Magnum: Oh, come on, TC, is it too much to ask to get my slides right side up?
TC: Not a problem, not a problem, not to worry. I forgot what a nasty C.O. you can be...