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: [slowly and with emphasis
] Why hasn't she contacted you? Magnum
: Well, it would all have been pretty traumatic, maybe she has amnesia. TC
: Oh come on, you believe that? Magnum
: No! But it's possible! TC
: It's also possible that I might hook up with Diana Ross, but I ain't counting on it.
: I would like to propose a toast... to the luckiest couple in Saigon. Me and TC.
[Magnum laughst hysterically
: Say what?
: No I mean it, we are the last of the bachelors. Everyone else we know is married. TC
: Orville, I've heard you say some dumb things in my life, but that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard you say. Magnum
: No, I think that's a good toast, TC, I'll drink to that. Michelle
: Eh, you'll drink to anything. Rick
: You see, you've only been married three hours and already she's cuttin' ya up on the booze.
: And I got one more toast... Michelle
: No... Rick
: ...and this one is gonna kill ya...
[an explosion rocks the entire bar
: [Rick has grabbed a small Vietnamese boy
] Rick, what the hell are you doing? Rick
: While you were biddyboppin' around, little Victor Charlie here has been right on your tail. Magnum
: What? Rick
: That's right.
[the kid makes a break for it but Rick grabs him once more
: Will you let him go? TC
: Hey hey, he's right, man. We spotted him awhile back.
: What is wrong with everyone? Thomas' sitting there like his mother just died, you come driving up here like a lunatic and if anybody should be mad it should be me!
: [Higgins is preparing for the arrival of an old flame
] Hey Higgins, when is mamma coming in?
: [Higgins is all dressed up
] Now Higgie-baby, that is bad. Higgins
: Thank you. I am assuming that is a compliment. TC
: Right on.
: How can you tell if someone's a kidnapper or not? Rick
: You mean you didn't check those names out? TC
: Of course I checked them out. The first one was a cop at 5.0. I think he probably wasn't our man. Rick
: Well what was his name? Rick
: [checks his notes
: Thirteen? You expect me to hop over all thirteen of these islands? Magnum
: That's the name of your service isn't it, Island Hoppers? TC
: Yeah, I'm thinking about changing it to Magnum's taxi service!
: You mean to tell me a nun gave you that shiner? Rick
: She thought I was trying to steal her car.
[TC and TM laugh riotously
: Hey, she was a big nun!
[even more laughter
: Eh, you know, I know you get tired of hearing this, but I've read all of your books. Mad Buck Gibson
: Oh come on, not all... TC
: All twenty-seven. My favorite is 'Curse of the Aztec Goddess'. Mad Buck Gibson
: Right. TC
: I mean you're sort of an inspiration to me, because I've sort of working on something of my own. You know, maybe when I finish a chapter, you'd read it? Mad Buck Gibson
: Oh yeah, you got it, BC. TC
: Yeah, yeah, so anyway, my next favorite one was 'Dagger of the Scorpion'. Mad Buck Gibson
: Oh. TC
: That's where the guy gets the girl in the bathtub... Rick
] Yeah! TC
: Yeah, yeah, yeah... Rick
: Yeah, yeah, yeah and she gives him the mickey! Hey Buck, can you really make a mickey out of asperin, baking soda and aftershave lotion? Mad Buck Gibson
: Pal, you give me a medicine cabinet and I can make a mickey out of anything.
Jonathan Quayle Higgins III
: My god, what is that odor? Theodore 'TC' Calvin
: Higgy-Baby, you're talking about my Uncle Roland's original, creole, flaming, bayou-blaster chili. Wanna try a little taste? Jonathan Quayle Higgins III
: Not without a paramedic in attendance.
: Pickled egg, please. Magnum
: TC, no! C'mon, can't you come up with another joke? I mean, three days in a row? Besides, you know I hate to fish those stinky things out. I HATE 'em! TC
: Pickled egg, please.
Orville 'Rick' Wright
: That's exactly the way I told it. Theodore 'TC' Calvin
: No, it isn't! Orville 'Rick' Wright
: Except... Jonathan Quayle Higgins III
: Except that neither of you is reciting anything even remotely resembling the truth! But then, what can one expect from simple, primitive minds that overload at the drop of a multi-dependent, clause-declarative sentence? Orville 'Rick' Wright
Thomas Sullivan Magnum III
: What out for that centipede! Orville 'Rick' Wright
] What centipede? Theodore 'TC' Calvin
: The one next to the lizard. Orville 'Rick' Wright
] What lizard?
: Oh, come on, TC, is it too much to ask to get my slides right side up? TC
: Not a problem, not a problem, not to worry. I forgot what a nasty C.O. you can be...