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Quotes for
Boomhauer (Character)
from "King of the Hill" (1997)

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"King of the Hill: A Fire-fighting We Will Go (#3.10)" (1999)
Boomhauer: [Telling his side of the story] You want the dang ol' truth?, man I'll tell you the dang ol' truth, yeah you see, man it happened a little something like this yo.
Dale Gribble: [Messing with the smoke detector while talking just like Boomhauer] Yeah, man, I tell you what, man, dang ol' detector, man, government take away freedom of smoke, talkin' 'bout yo, man.
[Spots Hank]
Dale Gribble: Geh!
Hank Hill: [Also talking like Boomhauer] Yeah, man, I tell you what, man, dang ol' boy ain't right, man, talkin' 'bout kick your dang ol' ass, man.
Boomhauer: [Talking slowly and normally] For God's sake, Hank, act like an adult, And keep it down, guys, will you? I am trying to get through an article on vintage Camaros, and I've been on the same dang page for twenty minutes.
Bill Dauterive: [Talking like Boomhauer] Dang ol' pretty, pretty pizza, man, I tell you what.

[Bill steps on Hank's glasses after Hank steps on his ping pong ball]
Hank: Dammit, Bill, those were my only pair of glasses!
Dale Gribble: Dang it, Hank, that was our only ball.
[Throws a hot Frito pie at Hank, but misses and hits Bill]
Boomhauer: Hey man, I was dang ol' scarfing on that, man.
Bill Dauterive: My face hurts.
Hank: And it'll match your ass when I'm done kicking it.

Hank Hill: [Finishing up his part of the story of how the firehouse burned down] Wait a minute I remember seeing some kind of yellow light in the mirror, I know what caused the fire somebody plugged in that stupid Alamo Beer sign, and I'll tell you who that somebody had to be
[Dale starts to cry because he was the guilty one]
Hank Hill: that somebody had to be... Chet Elderson.
Dale Gribble: I did not... Chet Elderson!
Hank Hill: Yep Chet was always trying to plug it in, he loved that sign but the dang thing didn't work right, it threw off sparks and well it was just a real fire hazard, isn't that right Dale?
Dale Gribble: Uh, yes Chet Elderson must've plugged that sign in last time he was at the station, what a moron, may he, may he rest in peace... right Bill?
Bill Dauterive: Right, yeah it sounds like Chet.
[Hank and Dale nod]
Boomhauer: I'll tell you what man don't you go dragging ol' Chet's name through the mud man, Dale's the one who did it man you know, dang ol' leave ol' Chet alone man.
Heck Dorland: So each and everyone of you believes that Chet Elderson is the started that fire?
[Everyone nods except for Bommhauer who groans]
Heck Dorland: Well it doesn't surprise me, I told him half a dozen times not to plug in that sign.

"King of the Hill: Dog Dale Afternoon (#3.20)" (1999)
Dale Gribble: That is a water-tight seal. I can mow my lawn in a hurricane. Can you mow your lawn in a hurricane, Bill?
Bill Dauterive: I don't know
Dale Gribble: You can't mow your lawn in a hurricane!, Can you, Boomhauer?
Boomhauer: I tell you what, man, if I got that pause-trackin' goin' on, a little choke-hold, I...
Dale Gribble: [interrupts him] Bullcorn!
[as the garage door closes]
Dale Gribble: Oh, almost forgot: Hank can you mow your lawn in a hurricane nope didn't think so ha ha ha ha!

Boomhauer: Hey, yo, Dale, what you doin' up there, man... talkin' 'bout goin' crazy, man... come on down, man...
Dale Gribble: Boomhauer, if I ever heard anyone reading a script, that was it.

"King of the Hill: The Order of the Straight Arrow (#1.3)" (1997)
Park Ranger: [to Boomhauer] Sir do you know anything about this?
Boomhauer: Yeah man I tell ya what... Did one of them snipe hunts last night... man with them dang ol' sticks and bags and Whack! Whack! man, go Woooo-loo-loo-loo!... Talk about big mistake y'all... It's right there in that cooler.
Park Ranger: [Not understanding him] Well if any of you see anything, stop by the ranger station.

"King of the Hill: Square Peg (#1.2)" (1997)
Peggy Hill: [about attempting to teach Bobby sex education] Hank I couldn't get the words out
Bill Dauterive: Aw gee you didn't send her in to do a man's job did you?
Hank: Uh well I...
Bill Dauterive: Maybe you should let Boomhauer teach him what he knows
Boomhauer: Yeah man I'll tell ya what, ya talkin' about them dang old condom dispensers... Put little ol' 50 cents in there and try to hit that coin return... bang on that thing... Talk about her needs.
Hank: [thinks for a moment] Uh, no that's alright

"King of the Hill: Nine Pretty Darn Angry Men (#3.7)" (1998)
Jonathan: Well it looks like we're pretty close to a consensus, now if we could discuss the electric seat warmer.
Hank Hill: Why would we need our seat warmed?, that's what pants are for, right Boomhauer?
Boomhauer: I don't know Hank, man dang ol' could get naked on that dang ol' thing man, you know vibrator might feel good man.
Jonathan: [Not understanding him] So you're in favor of the mower Mr. Boomhauer?
Boomhauer: Man you didn't dang ol' listen man.
[Jonathan deletes Boomhauer's comment page]

"King of the Hill: Three Coaches and a Bobby (#3.12)" (1999)
Coach Sauers: [to Hank] Hill you finally got a haircut.
Hank: [laughs] You noticed.
Coach Sauers: [to Boomhauer] Boomhauer how are your folks?
Boomhauer: Man, they're doing fine man, they're down in dang ol' Florida man,dang ol' lottery winner man, no problems man.
Coach Sauers: Sorry to hear that.
Coach Sauers: [to Dale] Gribble no one's killed you yet
[to Bill]
Coach Sauers: Dauterive my god man what happened?
Bill Dauterive: It's a long story, you remember...
Hank: [Interrupting him] Hey Coach we came by to see you because, well because you're the best coach Arlen has ever seen, how would you like to coach again for my son's football team?

"King of the Hill: Hank's Got the Willies (#1.4)" (1997)
Hank Hill: [hearing a strange sound] What is that chinging sound?
Dale: One of those stealth helicopters with computerized noise-canceling capability. They're still working the chings out.
Bill Dauterive: How'd you know about the stealth helicopters?
Boomhauer: Yeah man, I tell you what, man. That dang ol' Internet, man. You just go on there and point and click. Talk about W-W-dot-W-com. An' lotsa nekkid chicks on there, man. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. It's real easy, man.

"King of the Hill: Hank's Dirty Laundry (#2.17)" (1998)
Receptionist: [about Hank] Do you know this guy?
Boomhauer: No dad gum way man, he's just some dirty old man hanging around with sex toys, you can come on down to my place if you're interested.

"King of the Hill: Uh-Oh Canada (#13.18)" (2009)
Boomhauer: I gotta do what I dang-ol' gotta do, man.

"King of the Hill: Life in the Fast Lane, Bobby's Saga (#2.21)" (1998)
Dale Gribble: [Looks at the pace car] It's nice but where are the cigarette ads?
Hank: [Spots Dale Earnhardt] Hey look it's Dale Earnhardt and he's coming this way!
Bill Dauterive: [Nervous] Oh, it's "The Intimidater"!
[laughs and runs away]
Boomhauer: [to Dale Earnhardt] Hey man remember that dang old terra third turn in Arlington man?, just turned loose man just made it, woo hoo dog!, I'll tell you what!
Dale Earnhardt: Man this rope sure is soft and pretty, I noticed it when we unloaded my car